7 minute read
Meditations On Parenting A High Schooler
by Christine Chapman
As I lay in savasana at yoga this morning, my teacher shared a quote that landed and resonated deeply for me as I reflected on parenting and guiding a high schooler to think about life after high school:
Awakening and enlightenment are accidents; but practice makes one accident prone. Author unknown
As a parent, I’ve spent countless hours literally awakening (and, hopefully, enlightening) my children. In fact, I think that’s especially true now, as my first-born, Celia, progresses into her second year of high school, begins to grow independent, and starts to consider her future. Juggling my own work as an educational consultant and entrepreneur, along with managing all that comes with raising two kids in a COVID landscape, I often close my eyes, cross my fingers and hope that I am helping them attain their highest potential with what I am able to provide.
I first witnessed the aha moments I associate with awakenings and enlightenment when Celia was a student at a Montessori School on Cape Cod. She began at the Sandwich Montessori School at two years and nine months. She had always been that kid who insisted she could “do it myself!” and understanding that she had that spirit of exploration and that yearning to discover sensorily, I read everything I could about Montessori.
In Montessori, I believe Celia developed a solid foundation in math, language, and problem solving, both academically and socially. But there was something more practical that drew me to the Montessori educational model; it was the life skills and sensory aspect to the program that I loved. Upon reflection, I believe these skills set Celia up for the awakenings and enlightenments she experienced in her early childhood. She practiced the work—whether it was learning to zip a garment, unbuckle a belt, sweep and mop, or pour and scrub. Through these Practical Life exercises, Celia learned to strengthen motor skills, navigate practical tasks in the world, and care for herself. She also learned about Grace and Courtesy in her interactions with her peers and adult guides. As a mom, I remember feeling a wave of emotion overcome me as I saw her developing in confidence and growing into independence, even as a three-year-old.
Flash forward a decade...
Celia was thirteen and in eighth grade when she approached me about educational alternatives for high school. I remember the morning well when she dropped ‘the bomb’ on me (her college counselor mom). She had decided she wasn’t really interested in attending our very highly ranked local public high school, and she was seriously considering our local vocational tech school to possibly major in cosmetology… unless I had other ideas or options I thought she should consider.
The vocational tech world was completely foreign to me, and the ignorant, college counselor snob in me just wasn’t ready to accept that pathway as a possibility for my very bright, capable, and talented first-born child. I threw myself into researching other options; digging into the different vo-tech programs and doing my due diligence by talking to parents, students, and alums. Celia ultimately applied to two vo-techs, understanding that our very strong public high school would serve as her backup option. We were thrilled and relieved when she received admissions to her first choice school: The Norfolk County Agricultural High School, with the intent to study animal science.
My daughter challenged my very traditional educational consultant viewpoint and approach, and she became my greatest educational experimental case. So far, the experience has exceeded my expectations in so many ways: Celia is life-ready, equipped with so many of the kinds of life skills that I marveled about when she was barely three and in Montessori. As a student in an agricultural vo-tech school, she’s learning about animals and plants, stewardship of the environment, woodworking, welding, and is even getting a little primer to mechanical engineering. I’m beyond proud; she’s acquired skills that I may never possess and, as her mom, I’m super grateful. Most importantly, she’s confident, happy, and not afraid of hard work.
The vocational route has opened my eyes and challenged my own preconceived notions of what a post-secondary path should look like. It’s also spurred many discussions about my daughter and her future plans. If my own experience as a mom and as an educational consultant/college coach can help inform some of your discussions with your children, as you embark on their post high school plans, I’ll be pleased. But in order to write this piece, I’ve also had conversations with numerous parents who’ve been my predecessors on the journey to raising successful, introspective, and, ‘awakened’ adults.
So how do we, as parents, committed to the highest good of our children, engage our children in the practice of impactful communication about our futures? Talk to your kids. Remain open-minded. Remember, it’s theirs to own. Honor your child’s unique identity, experiences, and characteristics as you help them plan and navigate their own pathways.
Here are some additional tidbits of wisdom I’ve compiled that might help inform your practice of communication with your teen:
• Be transparent about issues around money and funding post-secondary education.
• Ask your children what brings them happiness and joy.
• Be open-minded and aware that our children (unlike our generation and previous generations) will have opportunities to pursue multiple career paths in their lifetime as working humans.
• Don’t be afraid of asking the big, seemingly daunting question: What do you want to do with your life? Don’t be alarmed when you face the big question mark in your child’s eyes. Instead, engage them in digging into the question by asking them what they imagine doing to make a living, what their goals are, and what their ideal work environment might look like. Do they imagine sitting at a desk? Working with their hands? With people? Behind the scenes?
• Ask them if they feel ready for college? If they’re not sure, give them the permission and guidance to look at other opportunities and jump in together. It might be a magical family experiment.
• Listen to them, poke and prod a bit at their responses to your questions, encourage them to both daydream and to be practical.
• Remind them that it takes time, inquiry, and a whole lot of practice to come to the awakenings/enlightenments and epiphanies that bring them the clarity they seek; and that they’re not alone.
Life’s road is not always a direct pathway to success. And taking the road less traveled may be exactly what your child needs permission to do. Remember that it’s often messy, muddy, and requires patience, space, and introspection.
As we started to come out of savasana this morning, my teacher shared a last tidbit that resonated with me on so many different levels. After class, I asked him for the full quote from the Tao Te Ching, or “The Way” by Lao Tzu:
For me, as a parent, the answer is a resounding yes. But the part of the extended quote that I didn’t hear in yoga class, but found even more relevant and resonated deeply with me as a parent, who is constantly trying to influence my children’s decisions and solve their problems for them was this line:
As a fellow parent, I challenge us to honor these deep pieces of wisdom, and hope that we can help cultivate the practice of helping our kids become more “accident prone” towards awakenings and enlightenment. As parents, all we can hope for, after all, is to guide our children towards becoming awakened towards their true paths and to honor their journeys as we walk alongside them: supporting, advising, challenging, and loving them along the way.
Christine Chapman is an educational consultant, and cofounder of Personalized Educational Solutions, Inc (www.pesglobal. org) and Education Station (www. educationstationhopkinton.com) She is grateful to do meaningful work that supports and empowers students from all over the world in fi nding their best educational matches in private schools and universities. She is a team builder, community contributor, and educational entrepreneur with almost 30 years of experience as a business owner involved in helping students develop and implement successful educational plans. She is a serial volunteer, lover of the arts, and committed to social and emotional wellness and youth empowerment. Christine is a musician, an aspiring yogi, lover of animals, and committed single mother of two amazing children.
As a committed, passionate college coach, Christine just started a new nonprofi t called The College Axis Project (www. thecollegeaxisproject.org). She is grateful to be pursuing her vision and passion to make educational enrichment and college counseling available to everyone, regardless of race, socio-economic status, or gender/sexuality.
