Stay Grounded

During the production of TN2 issue 4 I sat down with two friends to take a scientifi cally fl awed test. Th e two tasters were Ursula Dale and Liana Parachaki. Ursula admitted to not being a coff ee connoisseur by any means, meanwhile Liana is a self proclaimed coff ee addict who I have been known to criticise for her explorations with instant coff ee… a claim I would come to regret.

What we were interested in testing not only which coff ee place was the best, but if our intuitions about coff ee held while we didn’t know what we were drinking. For this blind testing we selected eight popular shops from around Trinity:

• Starbucks • Costa • Co ee Angel • O eat • Café Napoli • Dublin Barista School •  e Arts Block Lavazza Machine • Tesco Gold Instant Co ee (because we had it lying around in the o ce) WORDS BY Sam Hayes

We used Americanos to put all of the coff ees on an even playing fi eld, and with rogues gallery assembled, we began tasting:

Starbucks (Founded 1971):

Coming in at three euro, Starbucks was the second most expensive of the coff ees and is from the most successful chain of the bunch. Operating in 78 countries as of 2019, with 31,256 locations, 67 of which are in the Republic of Ireland. Th e corporation grossed 24.71 Billion in terms of revenue in 2018, so is its popularity justifi ed, or is it just marketing? In short Starbucks did not play well with the tasters with both participants describing the coff ee as burnt and watery. Ursula: 5 Liana: 4 Costa (Founded 1971):

Starting out in London Costa another global chain operating as a subsidiary of the Coca-Cola Corporation. With 3882 locations across 32 countries it would be an understatement to call the company successful, a fact that Liana would describe as well earned declaring it her favourite of the co ees. In the test upon tasting it Liana exclaimed “ at’s Costa!”. Both participants described it as the hottest, though it is important to remember that the Co ees were bought sequentially so while this a ected the ratings it may not be true if you are picking up your daily dose of ca eine. Ursula: 5 Liana: 8

O eat is a doughnut shop, and also the cheapest of our options and o ers a student discount of 10%.  e value is also improved by the fact that not only is there a discount, but if you bring a keep cup you can get a free glazed doughnut for your trouble.  e chain even sells its own beans so you know that someone likes the co ee. Its nearest locations to campus are on Westland Row and Westmorland Street. O eat performed solidly with our tasters. Neither had much to comment, but both remarked that it was generally pleasant and mild.generally pleasant and mild.

Ursula: 6 Liana: 6 Ursula: 6 Co ee Angel (Founded 2004):

Co ee Angel was the most expensive coming in at 3.10. Founder Karl Purdy describes his  rst day working at co ee angel thusly, “On St. Patrick’s Day, 2004 I stood alone on Howth’s East Pier and served Co eeangel’s  rst co ee. I served 150 cups that day and was elated. Today that number stands at well over a million cups served and continues to climb”. So, as you can see the brand styles itself as a homegrown success, and successful it has been, with its Nassau Street location becoming a frequent haunt of many of the denizens of Trinity’s Arts Block. Co ee Angel fared poorly, with our tasters describing it as watery. Ursula: 3 Liana: 5 Co ee Angel fared poorly, with our tasters describing it Ursula: 3 Liana: 5

Café Napoli (Founded 2001):

Café Napoli is an Italian restaurant that I had been to once for dinner, but paid little heed since  rst year - until a lecturer of mine mentioned the quality of the co ee. Intrigued, I ventured to try their americano and it has since become my favourite place to grab a co ee.  e aroma alone is beautiful and a touch bitter.  is bitterness hurt it in the taste test.  e tasters commented positively on the smell, but they didn’t like the bitterness. Ursula: 6 Liana: 6

Arts Block Lavazza Machine:

1 euro co ee sounds too good to be true, but given this co ee is smaller than the others, can it contend? Both tasters said that it wasn’t that strong and didn’t taste watery giving it solid ratings across the board. Ursula: 7 Liana: 7 Dublin Barista School (Founded 2011):

Dublin Barista School runs accredited barista courses. For 499 euro you can get a barista quali cation by learning things such as farm to cup theory and milk chemistry… if that’s what you’re into.  ey also sell an Americano for 2.50 (with student discount) which is on the cheaper end of our scale.  e Americano we received did not go down well with the tasters.  e co ee was described as strong and earthy, but also weird and watery. Ursula: 4 Liana: 5

Tesco Gold:

We had to, it was just there, for free! 200gs of this muck can be yours for only 2.49 Our Tasters described it as having a sour a ertaste. Ursula: 5 Liana: 4

Feeling rather vindicated by these results I was interested in trying my own hand at the experiment, and this was where the problems began. For starters, aft er the instant tasting I had begun throwing left overs in the instant batch, which I had completely forgotten. To add insult to injury I started to panic about looking stupid in front of my friend that I had beraated for drinking instant. So afraid that my pretentious ego would be shattered, I berated all of the coff ees, aside from one. I’ll let my evaluations speak for themself, but all I can say is don’t be pretentious, it will only make you look like an idiot when you fall fl at on your face. Stay grounded friends. Starbucks 5 Costa 6 Co ee Angel 4 O eat 4 Napoli (this one hurts) 4 Dbs 3 Lavazza 5 Instant 7

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