MY RAPIST WILL NOT GET A REDEMPTION ARC

Rape Culture In Trinity

When Frances was 18, her boundaries were crossed by a boy she had met at a party. It wasn’t extreme but it was enough for Frances to miss a few days of school and cut herself off from her friends for a month. At the end of it all, Frances looked in the mirror and assured herself nothing like that would ever happen to her again.

Two years later Frances sat on her bed on the phone with the Dublin Rape Crisis Hotline desperate to find answers about what had happened to her. A month prior, she had decided to end things with her boyfriend. She knew it was for the best, she needed to be on her own and realized they were not compatible. She felt sad hurting someone she cared about, but knew it was the right thing to do. She did not know she had unleashed a dormant creature that had been resting inside of him. One month after the breakup, Frances sat on her bed as her ex left her apartment. Dejected, guilty, and disgusted with herself, she cried but her tears felt empty. It would take another two months before Frances could say the words “he raped me”. When she thought about it, it wasn’t surprising. They had issues with her feeling coerced into sex, he had previously exhibited violent behaviour when drunk at a party before they got together, and he told her that he had fantasied about raping her after they broke up because of how angry he was. When Frances thought about it, there were so many signs, so many boundaries were crossed just like they were when she was 18. And yet she ignored them. Because certainly this was normal right? This behavior was accepted and therefore it was normal.

Now entering my third year at Trinity, I sometimes hear these normal stories over pre lecture coffees or smoke breaks outside the library. Stories like this become anecdotes at events, smushed between some crazy hook up story and who the mutual friend there is. These stories, however, are not normal. And we know they are not normal. These stories push people out of their friend groups and out of Trinity. They keep people up at night and they turn campus into a minefield. Victims are not taken seriously, assaulters are allowed to roam free with no consequences, and we are all complicit. There is a name for this. It evades conversation and only shows up in a handful of articles. But it is like an invisible wound, festering and eating away at all of us. It is a burden that we all walk with, whether we know it or not. It is the culture which we sit on. It is Rape Culture.

We all know of Rape Culture but it sounds so ridiculous? But, it is not ridiculous, it is not a thing of a feminist’s imagination.

This should come as no surprise. Ireland’s sexual assault statistics are vastly underreported.

According to the Irish Times, 52% of Irish women have experienced sexual violence in their lifetime while 28% of Irish men have. 78% of adults know their assaulter. And while 53% of women will disclose their experience only 34% of men will disclose their own. These numbers are likely underreported.

The Irish Examiner reports that of 2020 3 in 10 first year female students experience sexual violence though incapcitation due to alcohol (35%), coercion (34%), and force or threat of force (20%). These statistics are likely to be higher but once again are likely underreported. Trinity News reported in 2015 that 1 in 4 female students in Trinity have been sexually assaulted. To combat this Trinity does have the Speak Up form; referral to the notorious Trinity Counseling where students wait ages for an appointment, and Garda Referral. However these bandaids offered by Trinity remain ineffective when it is working alongside the parasite of Rape Culture running rampant within the student body.

So what is Rape Culture? Rape Culture comes in many forms; we see it manifest in victim blaming, slut shaming, and objectification of survivors. Rape Culture allows for sexual assault to be accepted, excused, and even laughed off.

It allows for predators to go unchallenged and unnoticed. Anyone of any gender and sexuality can be a perpetrator. Anyone can become prey. Rape Culture dictates people only to view sexual assault as that horrifying back alley rape by a stranger. That is what allows these assailants in Trinity to continuously terrorize and get away with it.

As previously stated, women are not the only victims and men are not the only perps. It is not a gendered crime like we used to view it. However, I would like to focus on the men in Trinity who weaponize their ‘soft-boy’ aesthetic to inflict violence on others. These men are the ones who are always seen with the drunkest girl at the parties, who proclaim how accepting they are despite their fetishizing of queer women.

I have been witness to so many of these boys and accompanying their arrogant attitude are countless stories of non consensual sexual exploits. However anyone who is bold enough to bring it up is shut down by the people (often men) around them. Boys support boys, and in this support is an erasure of their actions and the fortification of an unsafe campus. This ‘boys club’ of Trinity, keeps rapists safe and victims silent. We are all guilty of protecting these people. There is a fear of being iced out of the friend group. Sometimes they will even try to intimidate you to scare you into submission. After all, who are you to challenge the moral integrity of a Trinity Rugby Star, a scholar, or a private school graduate with a second home in Wexford? These perpetrators will stroll throughout campus unscathed by their criminal actions while their victims avoid campus, others tighten the grip around their drinks on nights out at the sight of them, and Trinity becomes a hunting ground.

The worst part is they know. Just like all of us they know what they are doing and what is said about them. But we have allowed them a suit of armor against these accusations by minimizing them to petty gossip. They do not receive consequences, they remain in their friend groups, they get girlfriends, and they get to graduate. And survivors get to watch.

We are so willing to give these men the benefit of the doubt, but this is not a victimless crime. Giving these antagonists the benefit of the doubt isolates the people who have suffered at their hands. It also feels a bit ironic that this is so normalized given that Trinity students love to boast their social awareness and show how tuned in they are to social issues. Yet at the same time they are babysitting rapists. So how do we stop it?

There are many documented ways to fight against Rape Culture. The UN Women has their “16 Way You Can Stand Against Rape Culture”. From things like enthusiastic consent to redefining masculinity the article outlines ways individuals can stand against this toxicity.

I am kind of at a loss when answering that question. I really do not know. I do know that I can do better. We all can. We cannot let ourselves be ruled by fear. Rape Culture is so embedded into our system and it stays there by preying on our fear. Fear of social ridicule, fear of violence, fear that you will never be believed. Pushing against that fear is what will lift Rape Culture from our lives. We cannot live in fear of each other. Your story is real and valid and you deserve to be heard and believed. You deserve to live without fear. You deserve to know your rapist will not receive a redemption arc.

WORDS by Margaret Clark