Cultivating Relationships That Thrive

Seth & Dr. Heather Thompson Day Share How to Build Relational Resilience

After years of working through pain, heartbreak, and trauma in their families of origin, husband and wife Seth and Dr. Heather Thompson Day took steps toward restoration. As they healed, they were inspired to help people consider how to approach relationships from a more understanding perspective. They spoke to The Jesus Calling Magazine about their new book I'll See You Tomorrow: Building Relational Resilience When you Want to Quit.

JCM: Our society puts a high value on people who are self-sufficient, but you say this mentality can be harmful. Why?

Heather: People just don’t understand the value of relationships. We love the person who has an underdog story, who was able to pick themselves up by their bootstraps. But in reality, you only thrive in relationship with other people. For every hero story we see, there are people in the background who believed in that person, who loved that person, who helped them keep going when they thought they couldn’t.

You are actually wired to exist in relationship with other people; this is true of both evolutionary biology and Christianity. There’s tons of research and data on this: loneliness is a greater health risk to you than obesity, than cigarettes. Loneliness is actually killing us.

JCM: Technology has certainly affected the way we foster relationships with each other. First there was “ghosting,” when relationships would just disappear. Now there’s “canceling.” Both can be tempting, because they don’t require much mess or accountability. What would you say to that?

Seth: Brené Brown says, “It’s really hard to hate people up close.” Jesus had twelve disciples, and He got up close to them. He saw the good and the bad in their lives. There were times when they disappointed Him, and each other. And that’s part of getting up close to people. I think that we’ve lost that ability to sit with people in the highs and lows, the good and the bad.

Heather: I think part of being connected in my relationship with God is choosing to be connected to people in my real life.

I’m passionate about challenging our young people to start thinking, “If I walked into conversation with someone I disagree with, how would the conversation change if I say to my brain before I walk into it, This person is the most important thing. Valuing their dignity as a fellow human being, as a fellow image bearer of God, that’s the most important thing. How would that change the way I engage in a conversation when I treat somebody like that?” I think it would change things a lot if we actually submitted ourselves to that process.

JCM: Why do you think staying in relationship with each other matters, even when we disagree?

Heather: For me, it’s because my faith matters. Because submitting myself to the power of heaven matters. Because there are people walking around right now who are saying, “Where is God? I don’t see God.” But God has always chosen to be invisible because He’s seen through His people.

Seth: When we’re feeling disconnected from God, it’s often because we're disconnected from each other. And if we restore our relationships with one another, I think that sometimes brings our relationship with God back to life.

Heather: We are supposed to be living out a relational life with one another, regardless of whether or not we vote like each other, right? So I'm committed to the hard work of this process. I think we just stay in the relationship. We keep showing up.

Adapted for print from the Jesus Calling Podcast. Put your phone in Camera mode and hover over this code to hear more of Seth and Heather’s story!

Seth and Heather’s book I’ll See You Tomorrow is available at your favorite book retailer.