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NEVER TOO MUCH A LWAY S ENOUGH 50 DE VOTIONS to Quit Comparing, Stop Hiding & Start Living Wild and Free
J E S S C O N N O L LY & H AY L E Y M O R G A N AUTHORS OF WILD AND FREE
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E V E N W H E N Y O U H AV E STRONG OPINIONS
Hayley The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. — JA MES 3:17
NASB
I was a bossy little girl. I am the oldest daughter, followed by two sons. I was born right at the time when American women were going into space and there was talk of a female president someday. My parents taught me that I was smart, capable, and had a voice to use. This, coupled with an insatiable curiosity, has led me to be what is known as an opinionated woman. We all hold opinions, but I’m also comfortable expressing them freely. When I’m faced with a dilemma, it gnaws at me until I ponder it from all angles and come to a conclusion. As the Lord has grown me, I don’t feel the need to share my perspective all too often, but you can bet your lunch I have one. It’s okay to have strong opinions. I’m convinced it’s inevitable for some types of people. Still, it must be coupled with humility, an ability to admit you’re wrong, and a gentle spirit. Our views can be cancerous if we are boisterous or too self-assured.
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E V E N W H E N Y O U H AV E STRONG OPINIONS
Hayley The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. — JA MES 3:17
NASB
I was a bossy little girl. I am the oldest daughter, followed by two sons. I was born right at the time when American women were going into space and there was talk of a female president someday. My parents taught me that I was smart, capable, and had a voice to use. This, coupled with an insatiable curiosity, has led me to be what is known as an opinionated woman. We all hold opinions, but I’m also comfortable expressing them freely. When I’m faced with a dilemma, it gnaws at me until I ponder it from all angles and come to a conclusion. As the Lord has grown me, I don’t feel the need to share my perspective all too often, but you can bet your lunch I have one. It’s okay to have strong opinions. I’m convinced it’s inevitable for some types of people. Still, it must be coupled with humility, an ability to admit you’re wrong, and a gentle spirit. Our views can be cancerous if we are boisterous or too self-assured.
NEVER TOO MUCH
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It has been helpful for me to watch older people and how they handle their viewpoints. It is true that, as we age, we get more set in our ways, but I’ve also noticed a phenomenon among Jesus-followers. The older they grow, the humbler they become. The more they know of the Lord, the less they view the world in black and white. There is such a thing as absolute truth, but there is also absolutely a lot of room to move and still be on the right side of things. Our primary call in life is simple: love God, love others, and make disciples in His name. Outside of that, there is a lot of gray area about how to go about life. There are very faithful people who have come down on all sides of situations. We’d do best to remember this as we express our opinions. It is arrogant to believe we know best about all things. It’s simply not true. If you find yourself feeling that way, maybe your strong opinions have swayed into self-righteousness. If you check your heart with the Lord and He doesn’t root out arrogance, maybe just ask Him to grow you in humility anyway.
Enjoy the freedom to be who God made you to be, and make sure you’re listening more to what He is telling you than to your own opinions. One is trust in self, which leads to death, and one is trust in God, which is life.
It is arrogant to believe we know best about all things. Strong opinions are fine, but sharing them isn’t necessarily the way to people’s hearts. We don’t often experience life change because of facts or words, but because of other people living as Jesus did. Remember— the law didn’t change people, but the gospel of grace changes everything. Bossy girls can become great leaders if their zeal is channeled in the right direction and tempered with a large helping of humility. I’m always praying that God won’t let my curiosity and vigor lean too far toward self-righteousness and legalism.
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It has been helpful for me to watch older people and how they handle their viewpoints. It is true that, as we age, we get more set in our ways, but I’ve also noticed a phenomenon among Jesus-followers. The older they grow, the humbler they become. The more they know of the Lord, the less they view the world in black and white. There is such a thing as absolute truth, but there is also absolutely a lot of room to move and still be on the right side of things. Our primary call in life is simple: love God, love others, and make disciples in His name. Outside of that, there is a lot of gray area about how to go about life. There are very faithful people who have come down on all sides of situations. We’d do best to remember this as we express our opinions. It is arrogant to believe we know best about all things. It’s simply not true. If you find yourself feeling that way, maybe your strong opinions have swayed into self-righteousness. If you check your heart with the Lord and He doesn’t root out arrogance, maybe just ask Him to grow you in humility anyway.
Enjoy the freedom to be who God made you to be, and make sure you’re listening more to what He is telling you than to your own opinions. One is trust in self, which leads to death, and one is trust in God, which is life.
It is arrogant to believe we know best about all things. Strong opinions are fine, but sharing them isn’t necessarily the way to people’s hearts. We don’t often experience life change because of facts or words, but because of other people living as Jesus did. Remember— the law didn’t change people, but the gospel of grace changes everything. Bossy girls can become great leaders if their zeal is channeled in the right direction and tempered with a large helping of humility. I’m always praying that God won’t let my curiosity and vigor lean too far toward self-righteousness and legalism.
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E V E N W H E N Y O U H AV E G O A L S
Jess “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” — M AT THEW 6:33
Girl, I’ve got goals coming out of my ears. My current goals are serious and silly, short-term and long-term. I’d like to be able to do a freestanding handstand. I’d like to declutter my closet. One day I’d like to become a doula who helps women give birth. I’d also like to be in the room with my daughter when she gives birth if God calls her to motherhood. I’d like to eat kale every day and drink less coffee. I’d like to become debt-free and stay debt-free. I’d like to know all my friends’ coffee orders. My goals can overwhelm people, and I get it. Goodness gracious— some days they’re overwhelming to me too. But you know who they’re not too much for? God. I believe my good goals, the ones that stick, are birthed by the main goal of my life—seeking His kingdom and His righteousness. When I’ve got that thing settled in my heart and mind, when I keep my heart centered on that one thing I was created for and set free to do, I find the Holy Spirit is more than willing to fill in the blank with mini goals to help me stay on the right track. If you’ve got goals coming out of your ears, I feel you, sister. Thank
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God for the vision and direction He’s given in your life. I praise Him for the way He’s wired your heart to get moving, to get going, and to keep going in a healthy and life-giving way. No one gets to tell you that you’re too much for partnering with Him to bring your Father glory, and I pray that He helps you keep your eye on the prize. I pray He keeps you from looking to the left or the right and listening to the opinions of those around you who might be intimidated or want to pull you off track.
Submit those goals to the main one: seek first the kingdom and His righteousness. Submit those goals to the main one: seek first the kingdom and His righteousness. Nestle your dreams, ideas, and vision under the safety of His sovereign plan. Hope with wild abandon in Christ alone rather than the accomplishment of goals, and you’ll be in exactly the right spot. He is mighty in you and in your goals.
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E V E N W H E N Y O U H AV E G O A L S
Jess “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” — M AT THEW 6:33
Girl, I’ve got goals coming out of my ears. My current goals are serious and silly, short-term and long-term. I’d like to be able to do a freestanding handstand. I’d like to declutter my closet. One day I’d like to become a doula who helps women give birth. I’d also like to be in the room with my daughter when she gives birth if God calls her to motherhood. I’d like to eat kale every day and drink less coffee. I’d like to become debt-free and stay debt-free. I’d like to know all my friends’ coffee orders. My goals can overwhelm people, and I get it. Goodness gracious— some days they’re overwhelming to me too. But you know who they’re not too much for? God. I believe my good goals, the ones that stick, are birthed by the main goal of my life—seeking His kingdom and His righteousness. When I’ve got that thing settled in my heart and mind, when I keep my heart centered on that one thing I was created for and set free to do, I find the Holy Spirit is more than willing to fill in the blank with mini goals to help me stay on the right track. If you’ve got goals coming out of your ears, I feel you, sister. Thank
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God for the vision and direction He’s given in your life. I praise Him for the way He’s wired your heart to get moving, to get going, and to keep going in a healthy and life-giving way. No one gets to tell you that you’re too much for partnering with Him to bring your Father glory, and I pray that He helps you keep your eye on the prize. I pray He keeps you from looking to the left or the right and listening to the opinions of those around you who might be intimidated or want to pull you off track.
Submit those goals to the main one: seek first the kingdom and His righteousness. Submit those goals to the main one: seek first the kingdom and His righteousness. Nestle your dreams, ideas, and vision under the safety of His sovereign plan. Hope with wild abandon in Christ alone rather than the accomplishment of goals, and you’ll be in exactly the right spot. He is mighty in you and in your goals.
NEVER TOO MUCH
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E V E N W H E N Y O U ’ R E E M PAT H E T I C
Hayley Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. — ROM ANS 12:15
ESV
For a long time I didn’t know the words to best describe myself, but finally I figured it out. Along with identifying very closely with the suffering of others, I am deeply affected by anything that excites the senses. I am what one might call a highly sensitive person. Movies that are too loud or flashy bother me. If too many people are talking at the same time, it’s hard for me to hear any one of them. If someone is having a bad day, it’s easy for me to feel my mood dropping with theirs. Conversely, I also can catch someone else’s contagious good mood. Sometimes I feel like a sponge, soaking up whatever anyone else is putting off. My favorite emoji for quite some time was the little red balloon. I would use it to signify the fact that I was going to rise back up. I did (and still do) a lot of buoying back to the surface, catching my breath, and steadying myself in the Lord. Still, it’s important to know that being empathetic is not a liability. It’s a gift. I didn’t know it was a gift for a long time. In fact, it took meeting a few people who really struggled with empathy to realize how valuable it is. Being empathetic allows us to view the world through
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the eyes of others. We can imagine how they might feel. We can think through how we might react if we were in their position. This is increasingly important because we live in very divided times. Empathy helps us connect. And often those who are deeply empathetic are the ones who bring about social change.
Being empathetic allows us to view the world through the eyes of others. Empathy is also commanded in Scripture. Paul told us in Romans to be glad with those who are glad and to cry with those who cry. It’s impossible to do this genuinely without empathy. This directive to experience the world with others is actually lumped into a portion of Scripture that discusses the outward markers of a real Christian. Equally as important as suffering with others is smiling big and being filled with gladness when good things come to our brothers and sisters. We have an excuse to celebrate, and we should celebrate heartily. It’s healthy to be wise with your sensitivity and empathy. If you’re living close to the Lord, you’re not going to be too empathetic. You’ll simply being doing as Paul asked the Romans: making space in your heart to feel what others may be experiencing. This will help you love them better, serve them, and lead them to the Lord when they may not be able to see any light at all. Your empathy could be the only empathy that some ever experience. You’re never too much when you take the chance to clasp hands with someone else and experience their world.
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E V E N W H E N Y O U ’ R E E M PAT H E T I C
Hayley Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. — ROM ANS 12:15
ESV
For a long time I didn’t know the words to best describe myself, but finally I figured it out. Along with identifying very closely with the suffering of others, I am deeply affected by anything that excites the senses. I am what one might call a highly sensitive person. Movies that are too loud or flashy bother me. If too many people are talking at the same time, it’s hard for me to hear any one of them. If someone is having a bad day, it’s easy for me to feel my mood dropping with theirs. Conversely, I also can catch someone else’s contagious good mood. Sometimes I feel like a sponge, soaking up whatever anyone else is putting off. My favorite emoji for quite some time was the little red balloon. I would use it to signify the fact that I was going to rise back up. I did (and still do) a lot of buoying back to the surface, catching my breath, and steadying myself in the Lord. Still, it’s important to know that being empathetic is not a liability. It’s a gift. I didn’t know it was a gift for a long time. In fact, it took meeting a few people who really struggled with empathy to realize how valuable it is. Being empathetic allows us to view the world through
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the eyes of others. We can imagine how they might feel. We can think through how we might react if we were in their position. This is increasingly important because we live in very divided times. Empathy helps us connect. And often those who are deeply empathetic are the ones who bring about social change.
Being empathetic allows us to view the world through the eyes of others. Empathy is also commanded in Scripture. Paul told us in Romans to be glad with those who are glad and to cry with those who cry. It’s impossible to do this genuinely without empathy. This directive to experience the world with others is actually lumped into a portion of Scripture that discusses the outward markers of a real Christian. Equally as important as suffering with others is smiling big and being filled with gladness when good things come to our brothers and sisters. We have an excuse to celebrate, and we should celebrate heartily. It’s healthy to be wise with your sensitivity and empathy. If you’re living close to the Lord, you’re not going to be too empathetic. You’ll simply being doing as Paul asked the Romans: making space in your heart to feel what others may be experiencing. This will help you love them better, serve them, and lead them to the Lord when they may not be able to see any light at all. Your empathy could be the only empathy that some ever experience. You’re never too much when you take the chance to clasp hands with someone else and experience their world.
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E V E N WH E N YO U H AV E N O F I LT E R
Jess I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man. — AC T S 24:16
I missed the Christianity 101 class where they taught which things we were supposed to be honest about and which things we were only supposed to be only kind of honest about. Pre-Jesus, I was a liar. I’d lie about anything and everything. I literally told my family I met the president (I didn’t), and they believed me (it’s a long story; I was a good liar). I’d steal clothes from my friends. Shoot—I’d steal clothes from stores. I’d lie to teachers. I sneakily altered my first report card was I was in fifth grade, turning an F into a B. I got away with it—and, yep, I got my first F in fifth grade. In English, for goodness’ sake. What I’m telling you is that Jess without Jesus is pretty dishonest. So when Jesus grabbed my heart, the first thing He dramatically transformed was my ability to tell the truth and my newfound inability to lie. I couldn’t lie about anything, and I still basically can’t. I can struggle quietly with other sins, but if I tell even the smallest, most
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culturally acceptable lie, I feel like my soul is going to burst and my skin is going to melt. If you ask me how I’m doing on any given day, I might answer, “Gassy” or “Worried about the current political climate” when all you were hoping for was a “Good! Busy, but good!” I do not have a filter; and what’s worse, following normal, polite conversational rules leaves me feeling convicted. If I don’t really tell you how I’m doing and I perceive you’re holding out on me too, I feel icky and discouraged. I feel empty and restless. It’s not just that I have no filter and I can’t help being honest. I also don’t want to stuff down what I think and how I feel all the time. I’ve learned over the years that there are acceptable times for some higher levels of vulnerability. I’ve learned that I can love others well by not taking a conversation too deep too quickly. I’ve learned that telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth isn’t always worshipful or God-honoring if it’s not a wise time to tell it.
I’ve learned that telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth isn’t always worshipful or God- honoring if it’s not a wise time to tell it. But I also think God made us to be honest, to have a clear conscience with Him and with other humans. And I know nothing brings healing and wholeness like a genuine heart that is full of grace and truth. So if you have no filter and you’ve felt like you’re too much, I’m here to remind you that you were made in the image of God, and He is full
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E V E N WH E N YO U H AV E N O F I LT E R
Jess I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man. — AC T S 24:16
I missed the Christianity 101 class where they taught which things we were supposed to be honest about and which things we were only supposed to be only kind of honest about. Pre-Jesus, I was a liar. I’d lie about anything and everything. I literally told my family I met the president (I didn’t), and they believed me (it’s a long story; I was a good liar). I’d steal clothes from my friends. Shoot—I’d steal clothes from stores. I’d lie to teachers. I sneakily altered my first report card was I was in fifth grade, turning an F into a B. I got away with it—and, yep, I got my first F in fifth grade. In English, for goodness’ sake. What I’m telling you is that Jess without Jesus is pretty dishonest. So when Jesus grabbed my heart, the first thing He dramatically transformed was my ability to tell the truth and my newfound inability to lie. I couldn’t lie about anything, and I still basically can’t. I can struggle quietly with other sins, but if I tell even the smallest, most
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culturally acceptable lie, I feel like my soul is going to burst and my skin is going to melt. If you ask me how I’m doing on any given day, I might answer, “Gassy” or “Worried about the current political climate” when all you were hoping for was a “Good! Busy, but good!” I do not have a filter; and what’s worse, following normal, polite conversational rules leaves me feeling convicted. If I don’t really tell you how I’m doing and I perceive you’re holding out on me too, I feel icky and discouraged. I feel empty and restless. It’s not just that I have no filter and I can’t help being honest. I also don’t want to stuff down what I think and how I feel all the time. I’ve learned over the years that there are acceptable times for some higher levels of vulnerability. I’ve learned that I can love others well by not taking a conversation too deep too quickly. I’ve learned that telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth isn’t always worshipful or God-honoring if it’s not a wise time to tell it.
I’ve learned that telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth isn’t always worshipful or God- honoring if it’s not a wise time to tell it. But I also think God made us to be honest, to have a clear conscience with Him and with other humans. And I know nothing brings healing and wholeness like a genuine heart that is full of grace and truth. So if you have no filter and you’ve felt like you’re too much, I’m here to remind you that you were made in the image of God, and He is full
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of truth and is never dishonest. We can grow in our sensitivity to timing and delivery, but our souls weren’t meant to stuff, hide, or lie. You can come on out of captivity. Jesus is with you—and your mouth—and your truth is not too much.
E V E N WH E N YO U C R Y E A S I LY
Hayley List my tears on your scroll— are they not in your record? Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me. — P SAL M 56:8–9
My husband and I own a business, and our employees are almost exclusively young women. They keep us up-to-date on the best music, they lend their taste to the clothes we sell, and they allow us to enter into their lives. We begin every week with what we call Mission Monday. We all gather in the front room of our office, and we talk about how we are. The rule is, you can’t begin with anything about work. We really want to use our workplace as a way to disciple younger people and model following Christ as best we can, in God’s strength. The early part of adulthood is fraught with all kinds of change. That generally means Mission Mondays are filled with a lot of tears. Some Mondays the tears stream freely about situations that are obviously difficult. But sometimes the tears just come because someone is listening
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of truth and is never dishonest. We can grow in our sensitivity to timing and delivery, but our souls weren’t meant to stuff, hide, or lie. You can come on out of captivity. Jesus is with you—and your mouth—and your truth is not too much.
E V E N WH E N YO U C R Y E A S I LY
Hayley List my tears on your scroll— are they not in your record? Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me. — P SAL M 56:8–9
My husband and I own a business, and our employees are almost exclusively young women. They keep us up-to-date on the best music, they lend their taste to the clothes we sell, and they allow us to enter into their lives. We begin every week with what we call Mission Monday. We all gather in the front room of our office, and we talk about how we are. The rule is, you can’t begin with anything about work. We really want to use our workplace as a way to disciple younger people and model following Christ as best we can, in God’s strength. The early part of adulthood is fraught with all kinds of change. That generally means Mission Mondays are filled with a lot of tears. Some Mondays the tears stream freely about situations that are obviously difficult. But sometimes the tears just come because someone is listening
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and seeing them. We always hear apologies for crying, but to be honest, we’re grateful for those tears. Author Emily P. Freeman once spoke at a conference Jess and I founded, and she said, “Our tears are like tiny messengers. They tell us what matters to us.” And I’ve come to agree. Sometimes our tears come from an obvious source. We could cry because someone said something mean or because of a loss or a betrayal. We can cry because we’ve missed out. But a lot of times when we cry quite easily, these tears come from weary seasons or something else entirely. When I find myself crying often and with ease, I ask myself some questions: Am I fearful? Am I frustrated? Am I disappointed? Am I embarrassed? What are these tears pointing to? If I can’t readily identify the source, I ask God to show me what has caused the emotion welling up inside me. Crying often is not a bad thing. It’s just our bodies’ way of releasing extra emotional tension. God is not frightened by your tenderness, and it’s not a liability. He can use your softness to point out all kinds of things that plague the world at large and your life in particular. Don’t squelch that emotion, but instead use it to pinpoint how God is moving in your life, what He might be looking to root out, and what He might be looking to heal.
Crying often and easily is not necessarily an indicator that something is deeply wrong or “too much.” God may have just made you extra sensitive! Use your tears as a way to know yourself and God better. Your tears are tiny messengers that tell you what matters!
Don’t squelch that emotion, but instead use it to pinpoint how God is moving in your life, what He might be looking to root out, and what He might be looking to heal.
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and seeing them. We always hear apologies for crying, but to be honest, we’re grateful for those tears. Author Emily P. Freeman once spoke at a conference Jess and I founded, and she said, “Our tears are like tiny messengers. They tell us what matters to us.” And I’ve come to agree. Sometimes our tears come from an obvious source. We could cry because someone said something mean or because of a loss or a betrayal. We can cry because we’ve missed out. But a lot of times when we cry quite easily, these tears come from weary seasons or something else entirely. When I find myself crying often and with ease, I ask myself some questions: Am I fearful? Am I frustrated? Am I disappointed? Am I embarrassed? What are these tears pointing to? If I can’t readily identify the source, I ask God to show me what has caused the emotion welling up inside me. Crying often is not a bad thing. It’s just our bodies’ way of releasing extra emotional tension. God is not frightened by your tenderness, and it’s not a liability. He can use your softness to point out all kinds of things that plague the world at large and your life in particular. Don’t squelch that emotion, but instead use it to pinpoint how God is moving in your life, what He might be looking to root out, and what He might be looking to heal.
Crying often and easily is not necessarily an indicator that something is deeply wrong or “too much.” God may have just made you extra sensitive! Use your tears as a way to know yourself and God better. Your tears are tiny messengers that tell you what matters!
Don’t squelch that emotion, but instead use it to pinpoint how God is moving in your life, what He might be looking to root out, and what He might be looking to heal.
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NEVER TOO MUCH
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