Toca Magazine by Toca Boca

Vol. 1, Issue 2

The Identity Issue: How to See Kids for Who They Are

Editor’s Note

I Gotta Be Me

Kids talk about their identity and what it means to them.

Toca Spotlight

The Identity Issue

Differences That Make a Difference

Intersecting identities can shape personalities and influence perceptions from a young age.

Kid’s-Eye View

Pieces of My Puzzle

Tween shares her family history and the many facets of her identity.

Behind the Scenes with Toca Life

The Toca Life team strives to create a diverse cast of characters to populate the make-believe world. Here’s how and why.

Is “You’re So Smart!” Actually Not So Wise?

5 Ways to Support Your Kid’s Intellectual Identity

It’s only natural to want to praise kids’ intelligence, but there are more constructive ways to support their intellectual identity.

Media Messages Matter

Books, toys, digital content and more are constant in kids’ lives. How does this impact their identity?

Try these tips to move beyond “you’re so smart.”

Toca Family Fun

Crazy Combos!

Share a Toca Blocks cheat sheet with your kid.

Digital Life with Randy Kulman, Ph.D.

Toca Team

Leo Sundholm

Toca Boca programmer shares a defining part of his identity.

What Does It Mean to Be a Gamer?

Longtime gamers often have some common characteristics. Do they sound familiar to you?

On the cover: Justin Walton; photo courtesy of Alexsandra Walton

What Parents Need to Know About Gender It matters, still. Find out why.

Ingrid Simone

Sebastien Roux

Andrew Lovold

Jonas Carlsson

Angelica Rabang

Dana Villamagna

Jenny Pritchett

EXECUTIVE EDITOR

ART DIRECTOR

PRODUCER

VICE PRESIDENT, BRAND & MARKETING

DESIGNER

WRITER

PROOFREADER

Toca Magazine

Editor’s Note

“No kid should ever feel excluded by Toca Boca.” Björn Jeffery, Toca Boca’s CEO and co-founder, challenged our company with this goal in 2015. While this sentiment was already a part of our culture and reflected in our products, formalizing it as a goal and putting resources behind it has raised everyone's consciousness. Over the last year, I’ve seen how our focus on diversity and inclusion has influenced the products we make for kids—for the better. But why does this matter? As you’ll read on pages 10 to 13 of this identity-themed issue of Toca Magazine, the media kids consume can influence them, how they view themselves and how they view others. Considering how much media kids consume—often before they're walking and talking—to be considered high quality and worthy of kids’ attention, media should support positive identity development.

When I was a kid growing up in the ’70s and ’80s, my mom often had to color in faces on greeting cards and in storybooks so I could see characters who looked a bit more like me. We’ve come a long way since then, but we’re not there yet. All kids deserve to see characters who look like them in the media they consume. All kids deserve to see characters of all backgrounds as protagonists in their own stories; relegating characters who are not white or who are not male (or any of the other “default” settings) to sidekick roles should be a thing of the past. The U.S. is more diverse than ever—children of color are now a majority in U.S. public schools—and kids’ media should reflect this. My son is a cute little brown boy. Recently when we looked through the Top 200 paid iPad apps for kids, he didn’t see himself reflected, save for the cute little brown boy on the icon for Toca Life: School. Even before that character (his name’s Simon) was created, the apps in

the Toca Life series were among my favorite apps for representing kids of many backgrounds. Through its 125 (and counting) characters, the Life series not only addresses the more obvious facets of kids’ identities—like skin tone, hair texture, gender and age—but also addresses something else that’s central to how kids form their identity: their family. You can read about this in our interview with Toca Life team members on pages 8 and 9. Pick 100 kids, and you’ll hear 100 different ways they describe their identity. For Toca Magazine’s Identity Issue, we talked with kids to hear their own stories in their own words. We hope you enjoy getting to know them, along with the articles and tips on kids and identity. Please send us feedback at magazine@ tocaboca.com and be sure to visit TocaMagazine.com for more articles, more stories from kids, more tips and more fun. Ingrid Simone

About Toca Boca: We believe in the power of play to spark kids’ imaginations and help them learn about the world. We’re an award-winning play studio that makes digital toys for kids, from the kids’ perspective. Our apps give kids fun, open-ended, gender-neutral play experiences with no third-party ads. Toca Boca © 2016 — 848 Folsom Street, San Francisco, CA 94107 — www.tocaboca.com — Send questions, comments or ideas to magazine@tocaboca.com

The Identity Issue

I Gotta Be Me Kids talk about their identity and what it means to them. By Dana Villamagna

Part of growing up is learning who you are, and sometimes that’s not easy. Kids often face pressure to conform, and it can be really hard to stay true to their own identity. There’s social pressure, media pressure, peer pressure and maybe parent pressure, too. Kids must learn where they fit in and where they stand out. Especially when one or more aspects of their identity aren’t the norm (whatever that is), this can mean tough social and emotional work. Identity can include many things, including gender, sexual, religious, racial, ethnic, national, generational and political identity, and one or more aspects of a person’s identity may change over time, according to ACT for Youth Center of Excellence, a New York-based center focused on positive youth development and adolescent sexual health. The road to self-knowledge can be difficult, but identity development for kids and adolescents is essential to building a fundamental confidence and inner peace. Toca Magazine interviewed five kids who are passionate about an aspect of their identity to find out why they want to tell the world, “This is who I am.”

Name it and claim it. Laye, 12 Laye lives in rural California, where she’s a self-directed, adult-assisted unschooler and raises goats, chickens and sheep with her parents. Laye is a “Luna’s Team” member for New Moon Girls magazine, which means she selects editorial content and art for the magazine and its online community. Laye tells Toca Magazine why it’s been important to her sense of identity to choose her own name.

What’s the story behind your name change? “I never really liked my given name (Lily). Around age 5, I asked to be called Snowball, but my parents didn’t agree to that.” (Laye said she’s thankful to her parents for that decision now.) “My parents still call me Lily, but most of my friends and the other people who know me call me Laye, which was a name I made up, so it was totally me.” Laye said she would like to legally change her name to Laye someday and add Lily to her middle name. “It has special

Toca Magazine meaning to my parents,” she acknowledged. Then her name would be meaningful to her and her parents. “Kind of like a compromise,” she said. Do you have any role models? “Both of my parents are strong, amazing people who have overcome a lot in life.” Laye’s other role models are fictional characters, including Hermione Granger of the Harry Potter series and Lyra Silvertongue, the heroine of Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy. “She doesn’t allow other people to put her down,” Laye said of Lyra Silvertongue. “She just keeps doing what she thinks is right for her to do.” Have your parents given you any advice on identity? “They think it’s important for me to be myself … even if it means not being exactly like them,” she said. Do you have any advice for kids about being true to their own identity? “Follow your own interests and let your imagination lead you,” Laye said. Since she’s very opinionated, Laye often finds herself in debates, which she loves. Laye said she’s learned the art of being sensitive to others’ views while staying true to her own opinions. “It’s OK to be different from other people as long as you accept them, as long as you’re diplomatic. You

can still be happy and get along with people.”

I am an artist. Dylan, 11 Dylan is a kid with lots of interests, but drawing is something he strongly identifies as an essential part of who he is. He’s loved creating art for as long as he can remember. As he gets older, he’s focusing more on drawing and sketching. Now he spends lots of time and effort honing his skills. “Recently, I’ve gotten really good at drawing realistic hands and faces,” he said.

competitive soccer team, and I love reading,” said Dylan. “Reading is sort of like drawing. When I read … I sort of become one with the story.” Do you have any role models related to your drawing? Along with an art teacher he’s had since preschool, Dylan lists cartoonists Gary Larson, creator of The Far Side, and The Simpsons creator Matt Groening as his role models. Dylan’s mom is also an artist, so they’ve done some projects together, and she gives him advice on technical skills. “A couple of lines can

make it look so much better,” he said. Any advice for other kids who see their creativity as part of their identity? “When you have unique abilities—such as drawing, like me— don’t constrain yourself. Try new things,” Dylan said. He’s tried his hand at other visual arts, such as sculpture, in art class at school. Sometimes his friends will tell other classmates to check out what Dylan’s creating in class. “I’m sort of proud of that,” he said. “It feels good.”

How does drawing contribute to your identity? “When I draw, I don’t think about my own being. I just put my pencil down on the paper and it just starts moving.” But sometimes, “about 25 percent of the time,” his drawings are planned, he said. Those come from real experiences he’s had, like what he sees in nature, such as a beautiful waterfall, or other artists’ work in cartoons, books and movies. Anytime he’s sketching, Dylan said, “I think I’m an artist then.” What are some other aspects of your identity not related to drawing? “I really like to swim. I’m on a competitive swim team and a

Photos: Laye, courtesy of Demetra Marks; Dylan, courtesy of Pilar Strutin Belinoff

The whole world is a classroom. Bryce, 12 Bryce has been a homeschooler his entire life. He’s proud of his identity as a homeschooler and wants to change misperceptions about homeschooled kids.

I can be whoever I want. Zadie, 11 Zadie began acting in third grade. Now she identifies herself as an actress and has already been in the cast of 11 performances. The middle school she attends includes two hours of performing arts classes each day, and she hopes to attend The Julliard School in New York City for college. How does acting impact your identity? “Acting shows that I’m very confident when I’m on stage. It makes me a really happy

person,” said Zadie. “Without acting, I think I would be more shy, I wouldn't be as outgoing.” Who are some of your biggest supporters and role models? Zadie said her parents are very supportive of her acting. “They love to see me perform,” she said. The director of the youth theater company that she’s been involved with since third grade has also been one of her greatest cheerleaders. “My director, Tyler, has made a really big impact on me. He's a great actor and he’s really nice. He’s so encouraging,” she said. Audrey Hepburn is her favorite actress.

Photos: Zadie, courtesy of Natalie Chriss; Bryce, courtesy of Shelley Hawkinson; Justin, courtesy of Alexsandra Walton

What do you say to people who ask you about being a homeschooler? ”I tell them it’s pretty awesome, and they tell me I’m very lucky,” said Bryce, who would be in seventh grade in a traditional school but doesn’t usually label himself as being in a specific grade. One of the big benefits of homeschooling for Bryce is not being limited to spending the day with only people of the same age: ”People of all ages get to meet, and we get to meet all sorts of people,” he said. What are some of the best things about being a homeschooler? ”I get to do different things every day,” Bryce said. ”I just love everything about it. It’s great.” Bryce said he learns in

The Identity Issue

In addition to acting, what is another aspect of your identity that you're proud of? “I’m African-American, German-Jewish, Italian-Sicilian, and Lebanese,” said Zadie. “I really just like learning about my background.” Zadie said her diverse ethnic and cultural heritage helps her in theater. “In acting, I feel like I can be whoever I want,” she said.

Toca Magazine many ways, including with his mom, on the computer, and in workbooks. He said his mom “definitely helps me keep my self-esteem high” by supporting him in trying new things. As part of a local homeschool co-op, he takes break-dancing classes and participates in Roots & Shoots, the Jane Goodall Institute’s youth-led program for environmental and animal activism. What are some other parts of your identity that you love that aren’t related to being a homeschooler? “I really like my hair,” Bryce said. “It’s big and puffy. It just happens naturally.” He also loves jet skiing in Florida’s coastal waters. “I see tarpons, dolphins, manatees and sharks. I love living in Florida.” Anything else you want people to know about your identity as a homeschooler? Bryce tells a story about a time he and a friend were at a playground and another kid started asking them critical questions about homeschooling. “I think he thought we were dumb,” Bryce said. “I want people to know that's totally not true.”

I am who I say I am. Justin, 14 Justin wanted to participate in this article to speak out against negative stereotyping of young African-American men. Since age 10, he’s been part of the group Young Gifted and Black in Oakland, California, which teaches kids and teens about black history and how to express themselves through performance art. Justin recently traveled to Ghana to learn more about his heritage.

he does play basketball, there’s far more to Justin’s identity that he’d like people to know about. “I’m a musician and a poet. That shows a lot about my identity and my creativity,” he said. Justin said he takes a “social justice mindset” to his creative work, focusing on issues that are happening in his community. Do you have any role models related to your racial and gender identity? “Kendrick Lamar and Common.” These rapper/poets “talk about meaningful things, they talk about social justice,” Justin said.

What is the most important thing for people to know about your identity as an AfricanHave your parents given you American teen male? any advice on this aspect of “I’m not what the media thinks your identity? I am.” Justin said he feels that “They’ve always taught me some people automatically to love myself and love who I make assumptions that he’s am, to be proud of my history uneducated because of media and my ancestry.” His parents portrayals of young black men, encouraged him to apply to and that they’re too quick to Oakland School stereotype. for the Arts for “People say, More kids share high school, where ‘Do you play their thoughts he will focus on basketball, do you about identity. literary arts. listen to rap music?’” Even though tocaboca.com/ magazine/category/ the-identity-issue

Behind the Scenes with Toca Life The Toca Life team strives to create a diverse cast of characters to populate the makebelieve world. Here’s how and why. By Ingrid Simone

The Toca Life series is a kid favorite, in part because the apps empower kids to tell the stories they want to tell in the way they want to tell them. Toca Magazine asked four Toca Team members to give us a behind-the-scenes look at how they created the diverse set of characters. Daniel Abensour, lead artist Mathilda Engman, head of consumer products Petter Karlsson, play designer Rebecca Tell, artist Mathilda, you were on the team that created the very first Toca Life app, Toca Life: Town. What were some of the considerations in terms of offering kids a diverse set of characters?

Mathilda: For

Toca Life: Town, we had the ambition of creating an all-star ensemble of characters that kids had interacted with in previous Toca Boca apps. To be able to do this, we wanted to create a design system that could give all characters the same possibilities to do the same things. When selecting characters from the big character catalogue of our previous apps, we already from the beginning wanted to be sure to have a diverse mix of characters. We looked at things like gender balance, balance between characters with darker and lighter skin colors, age and balance between human characters and fantasy characters.

Toca Life: Vacation is the fourth app in the Toca Life series, so there was already a good foundation in terms of creating a diverse set of characters. Petter, how did you approach working with characters for Vacation?

Petter: To con-

tinue to make the set even more diverse, we looked into some gaps that we felt could be improved. Also, Toca Boca has had a lot of internal discussions about diversity since the previous apps were made. This has to do with bringing a bigger, company-wide perspective on diversity to Toca Boca, raising everyone’s awareness and knowledge. As everyone learns more, we all strive to do better. What’s the process like for creating characters for an app like Toca Life: Vacation or other apps in the Life series?

Daniel: Well,

usually it starts with the play designer mapping the general needs for the app, so we can cover as many different play patterns as possible. The play designer will write down the gender, age and ethnicity of the characters with a small description of their roles in the scenes. It usually ranges from as simple things as parents, kids and babies to be able to role-play families, to some more precise roles that will fit the locations we’re making. After that, there’s a lot of freedom to define the characters themselves. We have

sessions with the other artists to go deeper in how to shape the characters’ personalities and looks. We usually start by sketching the characters to get a feeling of their look and feel, thinking about which details will make them stand out. And then we finish by drawing them in Illustrator, finding the right color palette and creating their different facial expressions.

Rebecca: Also,

did you know? None of the characters in the Life series have the same skin color. Even if some look similar, they have been altered a tiny bit so they are all unique. I think that’s a great thing!

Vacation offers kids the opportunity to play with different family structures. What is this about?

Petter: Early on in play testing

we noticed that the notion of family was really important when playing with the theme of vacation. It’s easy to fall into the norm of thinking everyone grows up in a nuclear family and travels with them. That is of course not the case. Kids grow up in all kinds of family constellations, and we would like to represent a bit more than before with Vacation. In the end, kids can still change everything in the app and play in whatever way they like. But we decided to show a wide range of families in the default state of the app. For instance, there is a two-dad family with kids, and one girl is traveling with her mother and grandmother in our view. Kids can play their own family or a

The Identity Issue

Toca Spotlight

Toca Magazine

Get Toca Life: Vacation now. Find out more at:

pretend family, possible to enable tocaboca.com/app/ and that family all the amazing toca-life-vacation/ can consist of stories kids want single parents, to tell. grandparents, gay parents, several different Rebecca: We aim to make ages of kids, make-believe charsomething that will make kids all acters and so on. around the world feel included, and I think that the Life series What are some of the challengis a great example of that. Kids es you faced creating the charusually choose the characters acters for Toca Life: Vacation? that look the most like themselves and their family, and it’s Daniel: I think the main chalimportant that we support that lenge for Toca Life: Vacation was so they can have a completely to avoid having a tourists vs. worry-free play session. We try locals feeling. It’s an imaginary to see it from the kid’s perspeclocation with an imaginary tive, and I feel super proud to be culture, so we tried to stay away a part of Toca Boca and a team from clichés. And trying to offer who are as concerned about this a vacation place that could be as I am. understood as such by as many kids as possible, which would Petter: As a producer of kids’ have to be also conveyed by the media, we acknowledge that characters. whatever we do, it will have impact. We are creating a Petter: When I had done a world that kids will play in, rough layout of the characters and everything you design and their professions, most of will—intentionally or not—carry the service positions, like hotel norms and possibly stereostaff and cashiers, had unintentypes, good or bad, from our tionally turned out to be filled society. We have chosen to take by dark-skinned females. One on several aspects of diversity of the artists noticed this, and and to make conscious design we talked about how to change choices with those in mind. We it. As an example, we had one do this to show all kids that of the characters switch places they have a place in the world with a bright-skinned male. we’re creating. Why is it important to have a diverse set of characters for kids to play with?

Daniel: It’s important for every

kid to find an avatar to tell their stories. One of the most common thing kids do when they start playing a Toca Life game is to find themselves, so it’s kind of our duty to provide them with the tools they need to play. We try to offer as many profiles as

Mathilda: Preventing kids from

feeling excluded by the products that we make is important. By showing kids that there are many different types of people in the world that we live in, and by representing more than one type of people, I believe that our inclusion style sends a message that there should be room in the world for everyone. In the end it’s about equality.

The Identity Issue

Media Messages Matter Books, toys, digital content and more are constant in kids’ lives. How does this impact their identity? By Seeta Pai, Ph.D.

“I’d be her.” “And I’d be her.” My 6-year-olds do this duet every time they encounter new characters through media—on-screen, in shopping catalogs, on book covers or toy boxes. I eavesdrop to catch what clues I can about how they’re thinking about themselves—how they’re constructing their identities. Kids develop a sense of themselves (self-identity) and a sense of belonging (group identity), beginning almost from birth. When kids have a strong, positive understanding of themselves and feel pride in their own origins—languages, families, cultures, religions, etc.—they feel worthy, respected, and valued, and develop a solid emotional foundation from which to grow and learn. Kids with positive identities are more optimistic, better able to face challenges and better equipped to do well in school and in life. Moreover, kids with healthy identities are less threatened by those who are different from them, and less likely to engage in hurtful behaviors toward other kids in order to feel better about themselves. All around the world, as societies become increasingly diverse, it’s more important than ever to foster kids’ positive identity development in ways that affirm their origins while encouraging justice and acceptance of difference. To do this, it’s good to know how kids develop their identities. It’s probably no surprise that kids learn about who to be and where to belong from their experience as they grow up. Their overall cognitive development—how they think and reason—plays a role, too. Families and communities provide an envelope for growing identities, as do schools, peers, and the media they are exposed to. When you find your kid suddenly rejecting home language, food, or other practices, you may want to look for clues outside the home—is she being respected for who she is? And you may also want to look at the environment you’re providing, including her experiences with media.

Toca Magazine

Media Matter Media (everything from books and physical toys to TV shows and apps count as media) are constant and commonplace in U.S. kids’ lives. Research indicates that media messages can influence how kids see and act toward themselves and others in the world around them. For several decades now, researchers have been talking about four interrelated ways in which media tells kids (or even grown-ups!) who to be. Kids: 1). compare themselves to media characters and feel they need to improve, 2). learn what’s acceptable and important from media models, 3). come to see repeated media portrayals as (“real life,”) and 4). feel peer pressure from media to be and act in certain ways.

What Media Tell Kids About Who to Be Given the importance of developing positive identities, and given that media are influential, what messages about race/ethnicity are prevalent in the media kids interact with? Sadly, overall media content and characters in the U.S. don’t match the diversity of the population, and tend to portray stereotypes. Also unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of research on the effects of media on kids’ understanding of race/ ethnicity and very little since the advent of interactive digital technologies.

Representation. Although

some positive strides have been made in recent years, media characters are overwhelmingly white. Meanwhile, less than 50 percent of school-age children in the U.S. are non-Hispanic white. A few examples: • A study by school librarians from a few years ago found that about 84 percent of recommended early chapter books had at least one white main or secondary character, with 17 percent having African-American protagonists, 6 percent Asian-American and 1 percent Hispanic/Latino. Non-human

characters were more numerous than most non-white ethnic groups, books featuring characters of color tended to be biographies, and no books presented only non-white characters without the presence of a white character. The authors cite extensive research about why it’s important for young children of color to see themselves reflected as agentic, main characters in books at the cusp of their entree into reading, and for all early readers to benefit from realistic, non-stereotypical portrayals in the books they read everyday. A more recent study by the Cooperative Children’s Book Center at the University of Wisconsin-Madison counted only 16 percent of all children’s books to be primarily about non-white characters. • Studies show many kids view top-grossing movies and primetime TV, so lack of representation there is also influential. The University of Southern California’s Comprehensive Annenberg Report on Diversity found almost three-fourths of speaking characters in entertainment film (movies, TV and streaming) are white. Kids of color, on the other hand, generally prefer characters who represent them, especially as they get older. • Children’s toys—dolls, action figures, packaging—also appear to suffer from underrepresentation of the range of racial and ethnic diversity.

as main characters, similar to TV. There are no studies I could find that track representation of diversity in newer forms of interactive kids’ media such as mobile apps, although concerned developers and researchers have set up a Diversity in Apps initiative (www.diversityinapps. com) to address the need. Likewise, there is very little research on young people, race/ethnicity, and social media.

Misrepresentation. Although

representation is a first step, it is far from enough. In mainstream television, children’s products, and video games, people of color are represented stereotypically and, often, negatively. One could almost say it’s better not to be represented than be misrepresented. White males are shown in the most positive light and in a more diverse range of roles on television, for instance. So much so, researchers found that white boys who watch TV end up with greater self-esteem, while both white and black girls who watch similar amounts of TV end up with lower self-esteem. In addition to overt stereotyping, some studies show how even popular children’s animated films are rife with “microaggressions” or more subtle messages, such as casting villains with African-American or Latino accents.

• Content analyses of console/ computer video games and MMO games show that white male adults are overrepresented

Despite the problems with much of kids’ media on the race/ ethnicity front, some rays of hope remain: • Diversity representation is improving. Young kids’ TV is noticeably more diverse. Public television, in particular, strives to represent and even overrepresent characters of color. African-American characters are especially wellrepresented. • Media hold the potential to provide realistic and positive portrayals, and perhaps even reverse stereotypes, of relatively unfamiliar or misrepresented racial and ethnic groups. Various analyses of Sesame Street around the world, for instance, suggest that kids show positive intergroup attitudes after exposure to its content that’s been intentionally created to do so. Other nonfiction educational programming (video or interactive) may also help. • Books, similarly, can be windows to whole new worlds. • Programs that connect kids across cultural divides using online and interactive media hold promise. • Digital interactive products with open-ended options for kids to create their own experiences may help put kids in the driver’s seat and not solely at the mercy of a distant publisher.

What Parents Can Do As an immigrant woman of color in the U.S., and mother to biracial girls, I’m always on the lookout for media content that represents them, that exposes them to a diversity of characters and situations, and that presents role models for the kind of values and behavior I hope they will acquire. It isn’t easy, but here’s what my partner and I try to do:

We actively choose books,

toys, TV shows, apps and other media content that reflect our values and are likely to be a positive influence in their lives. This means not only trying to find diverse and representative creators and content, but going beyond “tokenism.” We want characters who have some depth to them, who are represented in relatable, authentic and varied situations. We love our friend Pooja Makhijani’s Mama’s Saris, the diverse range of books in Reading Rainbow’s Skybrary app, and the effortless blend of girls’ empowerment, racial/ethnic diversity and STEM learning in the PBS SciGirls TV show.

We deliberately support their activities with

media, encouraging them to interact, to go beyond the screen, to look for connections

across media and to be active participants in their media lives. For example, they might watch a nature-based TV show, play the related app, create new stories with those characters, and also gather observations while hiking.

We encourage them to create, not just consume, media. No media

product is going to be “perfect,” but we often tell them they can create their own! They can be authors of their own stories, makers of their own characters, builders of their own worlds, designers of their own games. So, for interactive technology, we try to ensure that they have some open-ended creation tools and products in their toy box. The girls are enjoying animating their own characters (or themselves!) and stories using ScratchJr, and writing books on Storyweaver, to name a couple.

We inoculate them against

messages or interactions that might skew their views or limit their potential. First, we talk and listen to our kids when we can. We try to pay attention to how they’re talking and behaving about race and ethnicity, about themselves and about their peers. We talk to them about who they are, who others are, and about race, ethnicity, gender and prejudice. We talk together about who they want to be and what society—and media—may tell them about their choices. When they are a little older, we’ll watch

The Identity Issue

What Media Can Be

Toca Magazine something like Race: The Power of an Illusion with them, and visit the Understanding Race museum exhibit. We also want them to be media-literate, which means we want them to know that content they view or interact with isn’t in a vacuum, may be stereotypical or inaccurate, and that creators and marketers employ strategies to sell their wares. So when one of our daughters is drawn to trinkets and toys that are heavily branded, we have a conversation about marketing in words she can understand. Or when another daughter looks for the “peach” crayon to depict her (not peach) skin color, we discuss her feelings about it. And finally, we want to give them as much “real world” experience of diversity as we can. Over time, we hope the “her” each one wants to be is comfortable in her own skin, secure in where she came from, delighted where others are and excited about where she can go. Seeta Pai is a research and strategy consultant to social impact organizations. She's led international research on kids’ media, child development, parenting, and education at Common Sense Media, Sesame Workshop, and UC Berkeley. Seeta holds a doctorate from Harvard Graduate School of Education and is the mother of two young girls. She is a member of Toca Boca’s diversity advisory board.

Kids’ Identity Development from Age 1 to 10

Around age 1 Kids can distinguish broadly and visually among racial groups.

Between ages 3 and 4 Kids can group themselves and others based on racial, ethnic, other categories. Kids start to express prejudice.

By age 5 Kids know some concrete aspects of racial stereotypes—especially visual features like skin color. Kids from high-status groups show favoritism toward their own, while kids from lower-status groups sometimes prefer their own and sometimes prefer the high-status group.

By age 8 to 10 Kids are aware of more abstract and non-visual associations with race— such as skills, personality characteristics, etc. They can make explicit comparisons between their own and other groups, and can recognize prejudice and discrimination. Kids can change their own prejudices if they’ve had sufficient environmental input that counters their beliefs.

Toca Family Fun

The Identity Issue

Crazy Combos!

Toca Magazine

Toca Blocks is a unique world-building app that lets kids explore in the worlds they build and share

their worlds with friends. Combining blocks can change the color and pattern of the blocks, and when kids combine them just right, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll create fun objects to build with. Share this combination cheat sheet with your kids and just watch what they build!

Get Toca Blocks now. Find out more at: tocaboca.com/app/ toca-blocks/

What Does It Mean to Be a Gamer? Longtime gamers often have some common characteristics. Do they sound familiar to you? By Randy Kulman, Ph.D.

The Identity Issue

Digital Life

Toca Magazine

What is your kid’s favorite play activity? If your son or daughter tells you it's playing video games, you probably won't be surprised. “Gamer” is an identity adopted by many kids, teens and even adults who are immersed in the lifestyle and culture of video games. With so many kids identifying as gamers, some questions come to mind: How does the gamer identity develop? What are its implications? And how do gamers connect with other gamers? To answer these questions, I interviewed college students who have identified as gamers since they were young kids. My interviews revealed many different themes in the characteristics and development of gamer identity.

“I grew up as a gamer.” The influence of family on the gamer identity is a common theme. Many of the gamers I interviewed described how they started gaming at an early age, often playing with family members. It was common to hear from these gamers that they would watch each other play. Older siblings, cousins, sometimes even parents played a role in introducing these gamers to

video games and nurturing a love of gaming culture. “My mom used to read the code to dad and he would program games into the computer for me,” recalled Ryan Smith, who today enjoys creating YouTube content and playing League of Legends. “And some of my earliest and fondest memories are of playing video games with my brother and cousins. I even have vivid memories of gameplay itself.”

“I think about games all the time.”

Gamers don’t just play games, they think about them. A lot. When they’re at school, when they’re lying in bed at night, when they should be concentrating on their homework. Mentally, they work on solutions to problems they encounter in gameplay and use their creative and strategic skills to beat a game while they are engaged in other activities. This thought process seems integral to the “My friends are gamer identity. Ryan Vigneau, into gaming.” who also enjoys creating YouTube content while supporting Almost all of these gamers Team Instinct in Pokémon GO, identify their closest friends as theorized: “When you stop gamers. Their friends influence playing the game and are still the games they play, the way thinking about it strategically they think about these games, ... if your mindset is still in the and even their own gamer idengame and you are not … if you tities. “When a friend would get walk away and think ‘I could do a new game and it was multithat next time’ … then you are player, everyone would get it,” a gamer.” Smith recalled. Online gaming It is common for gamers to creates a different community go beyond just thinking about that allows gamers to connect gameplay to to others who may engaging with the not live down the Why Your Kid characters and street or go to the Loves Watchstoryline; creating same school but ing People Play fan fiction, fan who love games, Video Games on YouTube art and “cosplay” or a certain game, (costumed play) the same way. outfits; and attendSocial media and tocaboca.com/ ing conventions. online gaming magazine/lets-playSome gamers have have helped to videos-kids/ the additional hobcultivate gaming by of “modding” culture, which has (modifying by programming) its own language and traditions. their favorite game. “I think one crucial thing for people to understand is that gaming is by no means a “What is my identity as form of isolation,” Smith said. a female gamer?” “It is an opportunity to create There is a history of gamers your world in any way, and this being stereotyped negativeform of expression helps shape ly. Female gamers face the self-identity.”

additional challenge of criticism from within gaming culture itself. Objectification, dismissal, hostility and even threats of violence impact many girls and women who love to game. Gamers are often viewed as isolated male basement-dwellers, surrounded by junk food and lacking motivation and social skills. Brittany Rodrigue, who enjoys competitive first-person shooters (especially the Halo series), told me: “Being a female in the gaming community is often the most challenging because we are faced with such harsh stereotypes in a male-dominated territory … I try as much as possible to not let gender influence or limit my possibilities especially with video games because being a gamer is just something I am and love.”

Video games are a part of everyday life While not all of the gamers I interviewed grew up in a world saturated with technology, for most of today’s kids, video games are a part of everyday life. They don’t just have computers and game consoles, they have smartphones and tablets and even wearables. As video games become more prevalent and the gaming community skews younger, more and more kids are calling themselves gamers. But it may very well be that in the future, the label won't be necessary at all. Randy Kulman, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of LearningWorks for Kids.

The Identity Issue

What Parents Need to Know About Gender It matters, still. Find out why. By Juliana MartĂnez, Ph.D.

Toca Magazine

Gender is only a part of who we are, but it is a big part. Even before we are born, gender begins its work dictating everything from the color palette of the nursery to the type of clothing the baby will wear to expectations about attitudes and behaviors. However, despite the structuring role gender has in our lives, many of us are barely aware of it. Gender is not a characteristic we are born with. It’s more like a cocktail of biological and cultural factors that, when not consumed critically and responsibly, can become toxic. More specifically, gender is made up of three related but distinct aspects: biological sex, gender identity and gender expression. Biological sex refers to the anatomical traits (genitalia, reproductive organs, chromosomal makeup and hormonal composition) used to officially classify a person as either male or female at the moment of birth. Gender identity is a person’s inner sense of being male, female, both or neither, irrespective of their physical characteristics. It is unrelated to sexual orientation—which refers to a person’s affective, emotional and sexual response to others—and develops much earlier. Most people have a

sense of their gender identity between the ages of 2 and 4 years old, and by the time they reach adolescence it’s usually stable and remains unchanged. Gender expression relates to the behaviors, attitudes and other outward manifestations of gender identity. It includes clothes, accessories, mannerisms and the predilection for activities regarded as feminine or masculine. There is a broad range of gender expression, and—contrary to popular belief—there is no direct correlation between gender identity, sexual orientation and gender expression. For example, a woman can have a gender expression regarded as masculine and be heterosexual; and the fact that a boy enjoys playing with toys regarded as feminine does not mean that he is, or will grow up to be, gay or trans. The interplay of these three factors produces a person’s gender. Gender is broad, and there are no inherently good or bad gender identities or expressions. What does exist are socially sanctioned or unacceptable ways of being male or female.

Why gender matters, still In a world where women seem to be breaking all glass ceilings, men are more involved in activities historically regarded as feminine like child care and cooking, and Caitlyn Jenner has made it practically impossible to be unaware of the many challenges faced by transgender people, particularly women, do we still need to talk about gender? We may think that kids are growing up in a world where

personality, not gender, is what sult of a marketing strategy that determines hobbies and toys. started in the 1980s and was But the increasing visibility of consolidated in the 1990s. The gender-reveal parties—with trick is simple and profitable: their cupcakes filled with pink By tying toys and accessories to or blue cream and invitations popular films, and color-coding that read, "What would it be? practically all products targeted Bouncing little he or pretty little to children and teens, compashe”—tells us that we are far nies managed to double their from a gender-neutral world. sales in very little time and with Despite the many advancvery little effort. If all baseball es in gender equality, gender bats were created equal, a parcontinues to be ent with a boy and one of the most a girl could buy only 5 Tips for resistant categories one bat and have Supporting Kids’ used to label, sort kids share it. But Gender and classify people if the bat has the Development in our society. We faces of Elsa and would be hardAnna stamped on pressed to come up it, chances are the tocaboca.com/ magazine/identitywith a good reason boy will not want issue_tipsto divide toys or to play with it and gender-development clothing based the parent will buy on other physical another bat with differences among more virile-looking humans such as hair and eye characters for the boy. color, or even race and ethnicity. Ellen DeGeneres mocked However, we routinely—and this trend with her now-classic inadvertently—segregate our skit about Bic’s pens “just for daily lives according to gender. women.” Through her unique Furthermore, studies sense of humor, it’s easy to see indicate that, counterintuitively, how ridiculous gender-coding children’s toys, clothes, bedding can get. However, gender is so and accessories are more segreingrained in our culture that we gated by gender today than 50 often fail to see it, and when years ago. In a study that comwe do, we tend to regard it pared catalogues for toys, Elizas either natural or harmless. abeth Sweet found that in 1975 However, more often than not, only 2 percent of the toys in the when we think we are describSears catalogue where explicitly ing, we are actually prescribing categorized as “for boys” or “for behaviors and characteristics. girls.” In contrast, nowadays all the toys on the Disney website Kids pick up on cues are divided along gender lines. in early childhood In Cinderella Ate My During early childhood kids are Daughter, Peggy Orenstein highly focused on adults bealso showed that what we now cause they are their main source consider the status quo of genof information about the world. der segregation for all things Children see many differences related to kids in department and toy stores is actually the re-

Play is the space of possibility Fortunately, things are starting to change. Thanks in part to the work of organizations like Let Toys Be Toys and No Gender December, in 2013 the British branch of Toys R Us stopped labeling their toys by gender and started categorizing them by age, brand and type instead (in contrast, the first two categories in its U.S. counterpart of the toy giant are still “boys’ toys”

and “girls’ toys”). And in 2015 Target made headlines when it announced that it was removing all gender labels from kids’ toys and bedding because it considered them “unnecessary.” More and more parents and toymakers are starting to realize that play is the space of possibility. While playing, differences are set aside. Kids of the most diverse backgrounds can work collaboratively and enjoy each other’s presence disregarding for a few hours the limits and differences that we, as adults, impose on them. This includes freeing themselves from gender norms. Allowing kids to explore and express their gender identity during play can have a powerful impact on kids’ lives. Through play we learn the skills and values that will allow us to function as adults. Modeling games that are affirming of difference and encourage creativity can contribute to more innovative and inclusive societies. If through creative play we are free to imagine a world less bound by harmful stereotypes and limiting gender roles, perhaps one day we will also be able to create it in real life. Juliana Martínez, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of world languages and culture at American University. One of her areas of focus is gender and sexuality, particularly transgender studies. She is a member Toca Boca’s diversity advisory board.

The Identity Issue

between people, and by looking at adults they learn which ones are important and which ones not so much. In this way, they soon learn that gender is one of the most meaningful categories and that there is a wide set of behaviors and emotional responses associated with it. Our assumptions as adults model and curtail children’s expectations about themselves and others and can potentially limit their ability and/or confidence to freely explore their creativity and interests. For example, by orienting children toward certain toys and away from others simply because of their gender we can hamper the development of their innate potential, lower their self-esteem and creativity, and reinforce biases against minority groups that include—but are not limited to—gender and sexual diversity. This will make it harder for them to be happy and confident adults and to perform in a world where the ability to relate to people of different backgrounds and cultures, and to think outside the box, are highly valued skills.

The modern understanding of gender comes from the work of feminist scholars and activists who, in the 1960s, started using the word “gender” to differentiate historical constructs and social expectations from biological determinism. In other words, the term “gender” refers to the social meaning given to certain anatomical differences in a particular time and place.

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5 Tips for Supporting Kids’ Gender Development By Juliana Martínez, Ph.D.

Offer variety in toys. Expose

your child to a wide range of toys—not just those that reinforce traditional gender roles— and give them the opportunity to play with all of them.

Listen to your child. Affirm

your child’s interests and capabilities irrespective of their conformity to gender expectations. If your child likes to draw, dance, play with dolls or tractors, support and encourage them. Show them that they are loved for who they are.

Don’t be a bystander. Talk

to your child about gender stereotypes. Challenge generalization like “all girls…” and “all boys…” and help them focus on a person’s qualities and abilities, not their gender identity or presentation.

Downplay gender and be creative. Rebecca Bigler, a

professor of developmental psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, has shown that gender labeling—without explicit stereotyping—in itself produces gender stereotyping. In a revelatory study she found that only after four weeks of children being in a classroom where gender was used as an explicit

category to organize space and activities, but where all kids were treated equally, both boy and girls showed increased levels of gender stereotyping. They also perceived less variability between genders, which basically means they were more likely to make generalizing statements such as “all boys like sports” and “all girls like pink stuff.” Therefore, when possible, avoid organizing parties and other activities based solely on gender. There are many ways to create groups and teach kids to relate to each other.

Counter stereotypes. Provide

alternatives to gender stereotypes through environmental cues, social interactions and diverse cultural consumption. Expose your kids to books, movies and role models that explicitly challenge gender roles and present gender nonconformity in a positive light. Help kids see, in their daily lives, that there is not only one correct way of being a man or a woman; and that diversity, individuality and uniqueness should be respected, affirmed and valued in all human beings.

For most people gender identity coincides with the sex assigned at birth. When this is the case, people are referred to as cisgender. When gender identity does not coincide with the sex assigned at birth, people are referred to as transgender. Transgender people are people who insistently, consistently and persistently express varying degrees of gender dysphoria, or discomfort. If a trans person identifies with a category of the gender binary, the term used is the one the person identifies with (not the assigned sex at birth), and the chosen name, and matching personal pronouns should be used to respect and affirm the person’s gender identity. If a trans person does not identify with any particular gender, this person is genderqueer and the use of neutral pronouns like “they” or “ze” is recommended. Finally, it is important to note that gender variance is not the undesirable result of environmental factors, parenting styles or traumatic events; it is a normal part of human diversity. Celebrities like Kaitlyn Jenner, Chaz Bono, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock are leading the way in creating a more accepting culture for trans people; and Jazz Jennings—the 14-year-old trans superstar who has her own reality show and foundation to support trans children and their families (TransKids Purple Rainbow Foundation)—is breaking barriers and stereotypes about what it means to be a trans child and adolescent in the contemporary world.

Intersecting identities can shape personalities and influence expectations from a young age. By Juliana Martínez, Ph.D.

The Identity Issue

Differences That Make a Difference

Imagine you’re a pedestrian at a busy traffic intersection. Some of the roads are major highways, some are smaller, local streets, but in order to cross safely you must pay attention to all of them. Now imagine you are a driver on one of those roads. You obviously pay attention to what’s going on around you. You know other roads exist, but they don’t matter much to you because unless they cross your path you remain unaffected by them. Now let’s go back to your original position, that of a pedestrian trying to navigate the complex flow of traffic going in many different— and often conflicting—directions. Because you are standing at the intersection of all those roads, you know that what happens on one of them can affect—and even hurt—you. For example, if you only look in one direction, you may miss the traffic coming the other way and get hit by it; or a major crash can occur where, due in part to a driver’s blind spots or aloofness, vehicles from two or more avenues

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collide with devastating consequences. So, in order to be safe and get to where you want to go, you must pay attention to all of them. Now, you can’t focus on all the roads at the same time. That would paralyze you and probably drive you crazy as well. But to remain unharmed and reach your goal, you must be able to recognize the perils and opportunities each of them brings at particular moments of your journey. This is how intersectionality works. Commonly known as differences that make a difference, intersectionality points to the obvious but often overlooked fact that our identity and social positioning are influenced and curtailed by a multiplicity of intersecting vectors like gender, race, class, ability, religion, country of origin, etc. The term was coined by legal scholar Kimberlé Crenshaw in 1989 to highlight the multiple discriminations some people— like women of color—face due to their overlapping minority status. Crenshaw successfully argued that without a nuanced understanding of the ways in which these axes intersect and inform one another, public policy and social movements would remain ill-equipped to serve the needs of, and provide equal opportunities for, an increasing-

ly diverse population. As Audre Lorde summarized it, “There is no such thing as a single-issue struggle because we don’t live single-issue lives.” Since then, the concept has gained popularity, and it is now commonly used to account for the different structural components that shape our understanding and experiences of the world.

Awareness can be helpful for parents and teachers

ment, and provide differentiated—and often unequal—opportunities. Kids are not allowed to explore their interests and play with the toys of their choosing equally. Gender, race, (dis)ability and ethnicity, among other factors, impact the horizon of choices available to them, socializing them in ways that pattern their life options and decision-making capabilities. The consequences can be traced in children and adults alike. Studies have shown that a single factor (like gender or race) does not fully account for entrenched social imbalances like pay inequities or academic achievement. Pay gaps between men and women vary greatly according to race, and when socioeconomic status and gender are taken into account, a much clearer picture of the differences in scholarly outcomes among students starts to appear.

Intersectionality allows us to find a middle ground between an approach that sees personality, cognitive development and motor skills as traits unique to each individual, and the well-intended myopia of identity politics that sometimes reduces a person to a single characteristic shared with others with whom they have little else in common. It can be very helpful for parents and educators to be Play can help close aware of how the unique comthe empathy gap bination of 1). structural factors People are not only diverse, but and 2). personal attributes that also complex and multilayered. make our personalities affects Understanding the multiple the distribution of chances and grounds of identity resources available is key for a society to us. that values diversi From the time Kids Need to Play: ty and sees it as a we are kids, our It’s Nature’s Way major component innate abilities and of critical thinkinclinations overing and creative tocaboca.com/ lap with factors like magazine/play-isproblem-solving, our race, religion, natures-way/ and play is an ideal socioeconomic space to do this. status and even Through play gender identity and daily practices and expression to mold our perthat counter stereotypes and sonalities, outline expectations promote a non-reductive view about behavior and achieve-

of identity, we can help close the entrenched empathy gap toward marginalized minorities and provide a buffer for the multiple oppressions faced by many children. Recognizing the different avenues that intersect in our personalities and bodies gives us a more nuanced and productive picture of our society and ourselves. Like with traffic patterns, if we are able to identify and understand them, we can put in place a set of attitudes and regulations that, far from being a burden to our society, will allow it to function better. Sometimes we need to follow the rules, sometimes we need to change them, and sometimes we have to create completely new ones. These transformations will not impede our advancement. On the contrary, they will allow all of us to get where we want to go safely and more effectively.

The Identity Issue

Kid’s-Eye View

Pieces of My Puzzle By Luna Scott-Chung

My full name is … Luna—after the moon and to represent my Latina heritage Lee—to honor my Grandma, my dad’s mom and my donor’s family Yue-Lian—meaning “moon on shimmering water” in Mandarin Gillingham—to honor my Grandpa Peter, my mom’s dad Scott—to represent my Grandma Molly, my mom’s mom Chung—to represent my dad’s side of the family

And my ethnicities are … Chinese, Cantonese, Mexican, Scottish, Irish, Argentinian, German, Dutch, Spanish, Catalan I think it’s really fun to tell people the story about each part of my name; they can see more of my history. Sometimes people

don’t know how complicated or deep people’s histories are. My Grandma, or Abuelita, was born in Mexico and married my Grandpa Bo Song when she was 19. They moved to the U.S. and had my Uncle Bo, Aunt AnnaJade and my dad, who were all born very close to each other. Her dad was from China and her mom was from Mexico and Spain. She lives with us in the first floor of our house and she loves to do a lot of the same things I do, like exercising, gardening, arts and crafts, crochet and cooking. My Grandpa Bo Song was a “paper son” who immigrated from China with false documents when he was 6. He had to leave his family behind because of a war and was adopted by a family in Florida. My Nai Nai and Ye Ye (grandma and grandpa in Mandarin) were both born in China and immigrated to Uruguay, then had my donor, Daniel, and my Aunt Sandra in Argentina. My mom’s mom, Grandma

Molly, is a therapist who loves and uses horses in her therapy sessions. She lives in Massachusetts with her two horses, dog and cat. She has been a folk singer for over 60 years and plays the piano, guitar, autoharp and the dulcimer. I have a lot of family even before you combine all three branches of it, and I love to see them whenever I can. My family history gives me a better understanding of how different cultures interact and helps connect me to different communities.

Luna Scott-Chung Age: 11 Hometown: Oakland, California What I think the world needs more of: Compassion and humor

Toca Magazine I am proud to be a COLAGER, which means that I am a child of lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) parents. My sperm donor, Duncle (donor/uncle) Daniel, donated his sperm to my parents so they were able to have me. I came up with the nickname Dunkie Doonkie for him when I was little.

My best friend, Sierra, was 19 days old when I was born and was there when it happened. We have a very unique answer to the question “How did you meet?” or “How long have you been friends?” because our moms have known each other since they were 1 and 2 years old and our grandparents played music together. It’s funny because you would think we would hate each other since we had all that pressure from our families, but we’ve been best friends ever since we were born.

I have type 1 diabetes, which despite what most people think, has nothing to do with eating too much sugar or not exercising but is sort of a mystery to doctors, and they are researching many different causes for it. Type 1 diabetes is also called juvenile diabetes and is most common to get when you’re younger, even though you can get it as an adult, too.

I think most people would call me a “smart kid” or think of me as a “teacher’s pet.” And personally, I would describe myself as “smart” or “intelligent” but that doesn’t mean that I love to study or I always get an A+ on my schoolwork—and it especially doesn’t mean that I can’t have fun or I’m not funny. Depending on what it is, I can make studying or homework fun in my own way, and I do have good grades but being “smart” has nothing to do with any of that. In my opinion there are infinite ways to be “smart.” I think that one of the ways that I am “smart” is that I have a unique way of thinking of things and figuring things out.

I have many interests! I love theatre, singing, dance, crochet, photography, swimming, yoga or mini-exercises, being with my friends, writing, visual art, watching TV, playing on my phone, shopping, planning parties, journaling, playing with my four cats, cooking, making websites and reading.

Photos: Luna and her mother, courtesy of Maya Scott-Chung; Luna and Sierra, courtesy of Jessica Forbes

The Identity Issue

Is “You’re So Smart!” Actually Not So Wise? It’s only natural to want to praise kids’ intelligence, but there are more constructive ways to support their intellectual identity. By Dana Villamagna

As soon as toddlers hold up two little fingers when asked, “How old are you?” and preschoolers sing the alphabet song, parents begin to enthusiastically coo, “You’re so smart!” Understandably so. That natural reaction to praise our young kids’ intelligence is a spontaneous expression of wonder at their incredible growth and development. But, for kids, all those “you’re so smarts” that build up over time can feel more like piles of expectations, rather than well-intentioned praise. Many kids aren’t just hearing it from their parents. The “smart” label is reinforced by teachers

and friends at school if they’re a class standout, and especially if they’re in a gifted program at school. “It’s awful,”my daughter told me when asked about her gifted designation at school. “Even if I do well or just a little bit above good on something, it’s not good enough. Other kids that people don’t label as smart, when they turn in good work, it’s like, ‘Oh my gosh, you did amazing.’ If I turn in just good work, not great, the teacher says, ‘What happened?’ Maybe I’m not as good in that one subject or on that assignment, but when they label you as smart, you can’t slip up once.”

Indeed, many studies suggest that praising kids for an innate ability such as intelligence reduces motivation, while recognizing kids’ efforts is more helpful. This much-considered dichotomy is called many things in the psychology community—fixed mindset vs. growth mindset, entity model vs. talent development model, person praise vs. process praise.

Whatever you call it, the basic message is this: Effort is where it’s at. “Everybody has to practice, has to have good teaching, has to struggle, maybe even to fail at times,” said Tracy Cross, Ph.D., professor of psychology and ex-

ecutive director of the Center for Gifted Education at The College of William and Mary. Cross sees many kids who are designated as intellectually gifted (read: have been told their entire lives how smart they are) who “shut down or tune out” as soon as they run into their first real academic challenges, often around the fourth or fifth grade. He said these kids presume that “if you have to work at it, you must not be gifted.” This fragile view of intelligence as a static identity trait (as opposed to something that is worked on, that grows and changes throughout life) tends to demotivate even the smartest kids. The “you’re so smart” message is also particularly problematic for kids struggling with low self-esteem. Child development specialists at the University of Amsterdam discovered this counterintuitive finding in a 2016 study of kids ages 7

Toca Magazine to 12 called The Praise Paradox: many questions when a low test When and Why Praise Backgrade comes home and praising fires in Children with Low-Self too much at an especially good Esteem. They found that trying report card. I’m learning right to boost kids’ self-confidence along with them, and there’s a by telling them how smart, lot for parents to learn. creative or generally great they really are can make these kids There are some clear feel even worse. The same goes messages from current for “inflated praise,” or making research about how more out of an accomplishment kids’ motivation and than is warranted, according to the same study. self-perceptions are Of course, kids and parents affected by praise. are all unique. So individual How it’s said: Process praise approaches and reactions to is praise that emphasizes the any form of praise will vary child's effort, strategies or from family to family and kid actions. For example, verbalizto kid. For all three of my kids, ing the effort kids show when I’ve tried to stress hard work they practice an over the easy A instrument or and the joy of How to Talk to when they take an learning more than Little Kids … intellectual risk by the excitement Without Dumbing trying a difficult It Down of performance, extra-credit probalthough certainly lem (even if they I’ve made my share tocaboca.com/ don’t get it right) of mistakes, somemagazine/little-kidsis process praise. times asking too big-words/

The message you want to send is “effort is what gets you to your successes,” said Elizabeth Gunderson, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychology at Temple University.

When it’s said: Person praise

may be more problematic for older kids than for very young kids, while process praise may benefit children from an early age. In a study Gunderson conducted on the types of praise parents use with kids ages 1 to 3, she found that when parents used more process praise when kids were very young, children were more likely to enjoy challenging tasks and believe that intelligence can be improved with effort at age 7 or 8. In the same study, parents’ use of person praise (for instance, saying “good girl”) when children were only 1 to 3 years old was not related to their motivation later on. Still, she suggests parents get into the habit of process

praise earlier than later, in light of its long-term benefits.

How it’s received: Person

praise filtered through a kid’seye view of the world may not be received in the way the praiser expects. For example, if a kid feels an inflated perception of their parents’ expectations (correctly or incorrectly) because Mom or Dad is constantly telling them how smart they are, that may translate for that kid into the message “Mom and Dad won’t think I’m smart anymore if I get a B,” according to Cross. Or, if a kid is labeled at school by teachers or peers as smart, he or she may feel a constricting effect on their real personality. Also, a kid’s natural temperament will affect how they react to any mention or recognition of their intelligence. Extroverted kids may relish the smart spotlight, but many introverted children do not want that kind of attention in public.

Try these tips to move beyond “you’re so smart.” By Dana Villamagna

Be consistent. Use process

praise consistently—win, lose or draw. If kids get process praise only when they don’t do well (“I saw the hard work you put into the research on that assignment,” even though they got a low grade) but person praise for successes (“You aced that the multiplication test, math whiz!”), kids will begin to see process praise as a consolation prize, warned assistant professor of psychology Elizabeth Gunderson, Ph.D.

Challenge your kid. Find ways

to encourage your kid to build their intellectual muscles, both at home and in the classroom. Work with your kid’s teacher to help them stretch, especially in subjects that come easy. Professor of psychology Tracy Cross, Ph.D., suggests reminding your kid, “If you’re not struggling a bit, you’re not learning as much as you could be.”

Bust the smart myth. Help

your kid reframe what it takes to do well in school and beyond. According to the book Beyond Intelligence: Secrets for Raising Happily Productive Kids by Dona Matthews, Ph.D., and Joanne Foster, Ed.D.: “Education leaders have identified three factors leading to a student’s high academic achievement: 1). Hard work 2). Encouragement from respected adults 3). Patience on the part of teachers and parents.” (Note: Smart didn’t even make the top three.)

Be a beginner. Model intel-

lectual risk-taking and tackle a new skill or subject. Don’t shy away from looking less than competent in front of your kids. “It’s funny the great lengths we go to not let our kids see us struggle,” Cross said. In fact, seeing you working hard and looking bewildered while learn-

ing something new may be the best academic encouragement you can give them.

Be a booster. Support your

kid’s self-generated pursuits. Far more than praise, the spark that comes from their own interests motivates them to put effort into learning and to practice positive risk-taking, developing those mental habits. When you witness a kid working (or playing) tirelessly to master something that they chose independently for their own reasons, you can see their real, individual intelligence shine. There, the pressure of “You’re so smart” is released, replaced by the celebration of “You’re uniquely you.”

The Identity Issue

5 Ways to Support Your Kid’s Intellectual Identity

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Toca Team

Leo Sundholm Programmer Toca Boca Office: Stockholm Fun Fact: Leo was a pro gamer! From 2009 to 2014 he competed in national and international Street Fighter IV tournaments using the handle “Yagami.”

You’re a vegan. What impact does this have on your overall identity? Veganism has definitely become a great part of my identity, because it doesn’t just affect what I eat and buy, but is a lifestyle choice with big political implications. It speaks greatly about what kind of world I want us to have, and is my way of trying to shape it. What has the journey been like to adopt veganism as a core part of your identity? My first step towards thinking about what I eat started in my early teenage years, very much because I had a close friend who was vegetarian. I hadn’t thought much about what effects on others my eating habits had before then, but I quickly felt like it was something I wanted to change. In the beginning I didn’t really have support from my parents

to go over to a vegetarian diet so I started out just going for vegetarian options in situations where I could choose. Eventually my parents started supporting the idea, and I have given them so many lectures about the importance of this that I doubt they’ll stop supporting my choices anytime soon! Some years after this I started reading a bit more about the current meat and dairy industry and came to the conclusion that eating egg, milk and other animal products was as indefensible as eating meat and became a vegan. How can parents support their kids as they explore their own identity? I think the key is to pay attention to what their kids like and also to understand that what their kids think is important. Let kids do the things they find really

enjoyable, if not just for the fact that the kid enjoys what they do, but it is also the greatest opportunity for development. When it comes to lifestyle choices I think parents should really listen to what their kids are saying, even if it’s something the parent doesn’t immediately approve of. In those situations parents have a great opportunity to learn something new from their kid. What advice would you give kids about developing a strong sense of their own identity? Keep doing what feels right to you! This might not always be as easy as it sounds. But trying to develop an identity based on what someone else expects of you will be a lot harder in the long run, and you might never feel completely comfortable with your identity.

The Identity Issue

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