Contentment

Strive For Contentment In Your Life

One day in kindergarten my teacher Mrs. Prusch asked each student what they wanted to be when they grew up. She made it through half of the class with answers of a ballerina, a police officer, a Mommy like my Mommy, a doctor, a teacher, and my favorite - a clown. Since I was in the S’s (last name Stobbe), she would be asking me that question the next day.

I remember going home and crying to my Mom that I don’t know what I want to be, and in between sobs, how can I know what I what to be? I’m only 4.

My Mom said to me, “It doesn’t matter what you end up doing to make money when you grow up. What matters is that you are happy and a good person.”

Oh. I like that. “So, I don’t have to come up with a job when she asks me?”

“No sweetheart. You say whatever you want. There is no right or wrong. It’s whatever you want to be.”

That thought has stuck with me my whole life.

Happiness is not what I do to make money.

It is up to me.

Being happy is my choice.

What does it mean to be happy?

The answer seems to be quite individual. What makes me happy, may not make you happy at all. Different things have made me happy at different moments.

In my teens, I had happiness for days just because a boy I liked talked to me. In my 20s, I might have received a good score on a paper and a congratulatory note from a professor. In my 30s it was those first steps, first laughs, and first everything from our daughter that made me burst with happiness. In my 40s it was about accomplishing new work goals and meeting people who were like-minded and that I had synergy with.

Now in my late 50s, I am not sure that happiness is what I strive for every day.

Happiness is more about those bursts of bliss, delight, and excitement that happen throughout our day. You find a twenty in your winter coat pocket, eating a slice of your favorite pizza, or you toss your crumpled paper into the trash can — 3 pointer! But happiness can fluctuate in spurts and stops. It can be a reaction to external elements, and when that moment is over, you may not feel that happiness anymore.

As I age, I believe I’m no longer looking for moments of happiness, bliss, or exultation in life; I feel I am looking for sustainable joy, meaning, and purpose. I’m looking for real contentment.

HOW DO YOU ACHIEVE CONTENTMENT?

• Being present. Focus on the here and now. Let the past go and forgive yourself for any mistakes you made. Plan for the future but try not to obsess. Take a breath, or two, and settle into who you are in this moment.

• Listening deeply. Listening to another person can give you both the experience of personhood: a sense of being heard, being an individual, having self-worth, and it creates a connection.

• Practice self-love. We judge ourselves so much harder than we do others. We don’t look like this. We don’t have that. We dislike what we do, say, and who we are. Instead of this, why not try a little praise for yourself? Sticky notes with a positive word or quote can get your morning off on the right foot. Know deep down that you are doing your best and your best is pretty darn good!

• Appreciate kindness. Say thank you to those who show kindness. Be aware of the little things, whether it’s the driver who let you into their lane or the kind 8-year-old who held open the door for you at the store. Recognize when kindness happens to you and send it back into the world.

So it’s up to you. Experience the joy, delight, bliss of happiness but strive for that long-lasting, overall, well-being of contentment. And by the way, I still don’t know what I wanna be when I grow up.

By Karen Stobbe, Karen Stobbe is Chief Purpose Officer of In the Moment, in-themoment.net.

Summer 2023 / Today's Transitions