Living With Family

Four Generations Under One Roof

It was a series of unplanned events and one big question that brought Denise Cardwell, her husband, her parents, her daughter, and her 3-anda-half-year-old grandson all together in one home here in Louisville.

The initial plan was for Denise and her husband to move into a house on the same street as her daughter, Monica, in Bardstown, Kentucky. Denise wanted to be close to Monica to help with her newborn, but right before Denise put in an offer on that nearby dream home, plans changed.

“Do you all want to move to Louisville?” Monica asked. “I want us all to live together. What do you think?”

And with that big question, a new way of thinking was born. The family talked about finding a house that would accommodate everyone, and a little over a year later, their dream became a reality when they relocated from Bardstown to Louisville.

Denise’s family is an example of a growing trend: More and more families today are living with multiple generations under one roof. In fact, the number of American families with multiple generations living together has quadrupled in the last 50 years, according to a 2021 survey by Pew Research. For Denise, it’s a dream come true. “I’ve always wanted my whole family around me, and I just love it,” she says.

Denise and her crew found a 5-bedroom/4-bathroom house where each family member has their own space. With a room for everyone, Denise says no one feels cramped or cranky because there are a lot of places (like the backyard or front porch) to grab some restorative time alone. “So when people get sick of each other, they can go somewhere else or retreat to their room,” she says.

There are group texts discussing who feels like cooking dinner or if you’re on your own, and most mornings the adults drink their coffee together at the dinner table. Daily family routines are forming since their move last April, and Denise says, “Everybody’s living their best life.”

People choose to live in a multigenerational house for many reasons, such as saving money, helping with little ones, caretaking for aging parents or grandparents, or spending quality time with family. In the Pew Research survey, finances and caregiving were the two major reasons for adult kids to live with their parents.

For Denise, the caregiving aspect definitely factored in. “Everybody gets taken care of and nobody gets left out of anything,” she says. She can keep firsthand tabs on her parents’ health challenges, and she’s immediately on hand for trips to urgent care or doctor appointments. Then there are the health benefits: “Living with family keeps you active and emotionally connected,” Denise says.

Caregiving isn’t reserved for elder family members. One big reason for Denise’s family sharing a residence was so that working mom, Monica, would have more support for her son. “Everyone pitches in to take care of the little one,” Denise says. “He’s the light of everybody’s life right now.” Whether it’s helping with playtime or bedtime, the grandparents and great-grandparents are available. “I feel like it’s a great thing that this little boy gets to know his great-grandparents,” Denise says through tears. Research backs up Denise’s feeling. A 2017 study by the Society for Research in Child Development reveals grandparental investment is associated with happier, more intelligent kids. Grandparents benefit too: studies show that grandparents who interact with their grandkids even only once a week have higher cognitive scores than those who don’t.

With all the benefits that a multigenerational living situation can offer families, Denise says she’s surprised there’s still a stigma attached to families living together. “I’d recommend this to anyone, and we save so much money by doing this,” she says. With multiple generations contributing financially, living expenses are more manageable. “My husband and I team up with my daughter to help pay the house bills, and my mom and dad help with groceries,” Denise says. Finances and the ins and outs of day-to-day living have been relatively easy for Denise and her family to navigate. “We don’t even have to talk about money because everyone just pitches in what they can,” she says.

When it comes to the drawbacks of living together, Denise says it can be challenging to have private conversations in a full house. Denise and her husband are learning how to balance being a couple while living with a group, and they find it best to discuss personal matters privately. “When my husband and I want to have a private conversation, we have to remember not to do that in front of everyone,” Denise says. These boundaries help maintain their connection as a couple but also give space and respect to the other family members present.

Multigenerational living might not be for everyone, but the benefits are hard to ignore. “You need people, and you don’t know you need people until it’s too late,” Denise says. This is why her family made the big move, and whatever the reasons — financial, caregiving, or the companionship of having your loved ones around you — families living together is an age-old tradition growing in popularity once more. Without hesitation, Denise says, “I’d make this choice again.”

By Tonilyn Hornung | Photos by Melissa Donald

Fall 2024 | Today's Transitions