A Tog Manifesto

Joe Brady - Togatus Editor-in-Chief

To commencing students — hoo boy! Sorry to hear you weren’t accepted into a mainland university. For returning students, welcome back!

Togatus is one of the distinguished cultural institutions of the TUU. Always editorially independent and passionate about student journalism, it was our team that brought you groundbreaking stories such as ‘How to Make Blackberry Muffins’ and ‘I’m An Adult Now, Mum: I’m Allowed to Swear’. Self-indulgent and not that funny, we distinguish ourselves from drab university publications, who are self-serious and not that funny.

We take submissions from students. Make them interesting, or funny, please. The Tog Team is stocked with cultured folk with mature creative palettes — we love good student art, stories about your life and family, mockery, and sharp intersectional critique. We also like movies, books, and good cheer. Bring them to us, and unto you we shalleth bestow the title ‘Officially Published’, followed by ‘Congrats, You’ve Peaked: A Student Magazine Accepted Your Submission’.

We might be a rag, but we’re Tassie’s rag, and we’re the best student mag in Australia. Sure, we’ve certainly had our ups and downs, but, uh… that’s better than flat-lining out the door.

We carry on in this tradition, bound by our sacred mission statement:

• To mock and sully the good names of honest people with poorly-drawn and ill-conceived cartoons.

• To degenerate the cultural fabric of the proud UTAS institution.

• To expand our illustrious recipe and poetry sections to eventually dominate all content in the magazine.

• To do the fashionable millennial thing of writing ironic editorials in the face of the looming mass-extinction climate disaster and economic collapse.

• Be rude.

• Eat avo.

So don’t be a square. Please read our rag. Even better — send us what you’ve got, and you will be able to show your parents back home that your writing career is, at last, finally going somewhere (a free periodical attached to a real-estate developer disguised as a university).

See you in the stands and the streets.

(To those of you who keep mailing the editor-in-chief about the poor working conditions of Togatus staff: they will unionise over my dead body, and writing at me only makes my opinions worse).