Strange News (Continued)

A fortune teller who predicts the future using asparagus has revealed her top forecasts for 2023.

Jemima Packington, 65, claims to be able to divine knowledge of the future by tossing spears into the air and interpreting how they land.

Over the years she has correctly predicted major events such as Brexit, as well as Harry and Meghan stepping down as senior members of the Royal Family. Several of her predictions for 2022 – such as Croatia winning the World Cup and Boris Johnson clinging on as Prime Minister – had less success however.

This year she has predicted the Lionesses will continue on from their Euro 2022 win by bringing home the Women’s World Cup, and added that the Conservatives will hang onto government.

The Asparamancer has also said there will be a health scare for Princess Anne, and rationing may be considered due to food shortages.

In 2019, she correctly predicted cricket success for England, Big Brother returning to our screens and US romantic musical ‘A Star is Born’ winning an Oscar.

Before that she correctly foresaw Andy Murray winning Wimbledon, the Euro crisis and the credit crunch.

Jemima, from Bath, began making predictions aged eight and says she inherited the gift from her elderly aunt who used to read tea leaves.

She said: “My technique has not changed.”

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Valentine Facts

To get you in the mood for lurrrrrve!

73 per cent of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, while only 27 per cent are women.

About 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged each year. That's the largest seasonal card-sending occasion of the year, next to Christmas.

About 3 per cent of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets.

Alexander Graham Bell applied for his patent on the telephone, an "Improvement in Telegraphy", on Valentine's Day, 1876.

California produces 60 per cent of American roses, but the vast number sold on Valentine's Day in the United States are imported, mostly from South America. Approximately 110 million roses, the majority red, will be sold and delivered within a three-day time period.

Cupid, another symbol of Valentines Day, became associated with it because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Cupid often appears on Valentine cards holding a bow and arrow because he is believed to use magical arrows to inspire feelings of love.

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

Random Jokes :)

Everyone loves a joke or two!

An Irish daughter

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, ‘Dad ... I became a prostitute’

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

’What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'

‘Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!’

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. It's called a Wedding Cake.

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Who always has a date on Valentine's Day? A calendar.

What's the best recipe for a perfect morning on February 14?

A hug and a quiche.

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You have until March 31st to submit Modelo 720

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Find out about non resident property owners tax and whether you should be paying it.

Annual tax return: Declaración de la Renta

Must be made between April and 30th June.

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How To Stay Young

Something we would all like to know!

1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.