6 minute read
Jokes
86
Advertisement
A professor at the Adelaide University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?' About 90 students raise their hands. ‘Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands. ‘That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?' About 15 students raise their hand. ‘Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?' Three students raise their hand. ‘That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to ghosts?' Way in the back, Ahmed bin Talabi raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.' The Afghani student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with ghosts?' Ahmed replied, "S***, from way back there I thought you said goats."
********** The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. 'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?' Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?' The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.' In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them. Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?’ The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.’ This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?' The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.' The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting...... 'Grumpy shagged a penguin!' 'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'
********** I dialled a number and got the following recording, "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."
********** My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine!!!
********** Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction.
********** I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting cradle snatcher and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary. www.thesentinella.com
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "Do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the blonde.. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo." "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
********** It's late autumn and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone box, called the National Weather Centre and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be very cold,' the meteorologist at the weather centre responded. So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Centre again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Centre again replied, 'It's going to be a very cold winter.' The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Centre again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.' 'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a s***load of firewood.'
********** Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham.
********** I took an epileptic girl to a rave once. I jokingly told her, ‘This place has rave reviews’, but she just rolled her eyes at me.
********** My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group ‘The Monkees’. I thought she was joking... and then I saw her face! www.thesentinella.com
