Host with the Most

Farrow & Ball

When fairy tale writer Hans Christian Andersen finally vacated after an apparently uncomfortable and too-long stay in the home of author Charles Dickens, his frustrated host wrote this missive on the guest bedroom mirror: “Hans Andersen slept in this room for five weeks – which seemed to the family AGES!”

At the end of the day, it’s the duty of any host to ensure that a guest’s visit is comfortable and enjoyable – for everyone! We have tips to help you nail hosting duties, no matter who the guest may be. by Amanda Harper

How to politely say, "Please Leave."

As our earlier tale of two authors illustrates, sometimes, guests just don’t know when to leave. We all know the old adage attributed to founding father Ben Franklin; “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”

But how do you politely scoot your guests out of your house if they never make a move for the door? Remember that it’s most likely that they’re not trying to be a pain; they’re probably just having such a great time that they’ve lost track of time. (Even if you haven’t.)

Stay gracious, but remember that your peace of mind and the comfort of your household is what’s most important.

First, Be Proactive

When inviting someone to stay – or even if they invite themselves – set expectations up front. State clearly how long you’re willing to host them. If your guest doesn’t make clear how long their visit will be, suggest an end date.

Script: “We’d absolutely love to have you for the weekend! Maybe you could come Friday after six and leave at your leisure on Sunday?”

Or: “We’d be thrilled to have you visit. The only problem is that we have some plans we can’t cancel on the 20th. Would it be okay if you guys were to leave before that?”

Ask How They’re Getting Home

This is a perfectly acceptable conversation to have at any point in your guests’ stay, as it’s a natural expression of care. Whether you broach the subject after a couple glasses of wine at a dinner party or after three days of them sleeping on your couch, it’s a Miss Manners-approved way to get your guests thinking about finding the exits.

Script: “We’d be happy to take you to the airport – when is your flight out?”

Or: “Hey, I forgot to ask; how are you getting home? Do you need us to help you arrange something?”

Make Yourself the Scape Goat

Pretend you’re the one inconveniencing your guests. This little bit of reverse psychology allows you to express that the visit has been overlong without making your guest feel awkward. The important thing is to playact this scene in a flustered rush.

Script: “Oh my gosh, I didn’t realize I kept you a whole week! Oh, you must be wanting to get back to your life. I’m so sorry… here, let me help you pack.”

Or: “You have been so kind to let me monopolize so much of your month! Thank you. Can I schedule a Lyft to get you to the airport on time?”

Be Direct

For some people, subtle hints simply aren’t going to do the trick. It’s important to be compassionate and gracious, but at the end of the day, they’re testing the limits of your hospitality.

Script: “I have loved having you here. It’s been a wonderful week, but I have to get back to my regular routine tomorrow. If you’re not ready to leave town, I know this great B&B–”

Or: “I’m so glad you had such a great time staying here. We’ve loved having you, and we really look forward to your next visit. Unfortunately, we can only host you for one more night. If that doesn’t work with your travel plans, I’d be happy to help you find a great hotel!”

Be Even More Direct

If you’ve already directly communicated when you expect your guests to leave, reminded them of that deadline, offered to help them skedaddle and they still haven’t vacated the premises? Your obligation to spare their feelings has ended. While you should never be outright rude, you may need to be baldly honest.

If your guest has missed the none-too-subtle hints to this point, they may react as if this conversation is coming out of nowhere. Remind them that you’ve previously discussed their departure. More importantly? Remember that “no” is a complete sentence; you don’t owe them justifications as to why they can’t continue to take advantage of your good graces.

Script: “We talked about you leaving on Thursday and now it’s Sunday already. This visit has been great, but I’m afraid we need you to leave today. How can I help?”

Or: “This visit has been wonderful. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end: I can’t host you any longer.”

TOP tip:

If you don’t mind being a little passive-aggressive, many people strip their guest beds as a way to shoo anyone who overstays their welcome. We find that this is most effective on guests who are waffling about extending their stays; it’s like a silent “no thank you” to their plans. Guests who have made themselves right at home, on the other hand, may see a stripped bed will probably just ask you for fresh linens without a second thought.

TOP tip:

The nightstand might be the most important piece of furniture in a guest bedroom. Stock it with little comforts that will make your guest’s stay more pleasant. Here are some easy ideas:

• Books, especially ones you’d recommend to them

• A table lamp, within easy reach

• Water carafe

• Fresh flowers (assuming they don’t suffer from allergies)

• A box of tissues

• A card with the wi-fi password

• Charging station or charger “bricks”

How to Make Any Guest Feel at Home

Now that we have the unpleasantness out of the way, let’s consider the fun stuff! Seeing to your guests’ comfort ahead of time can often reduce your hosting workload by half. Rather than continually running around, looking for items your guests request, why not anticipate their needs so that you can focus on other stuff?

Laundry and Luggage

• If you have a luggage rack, now is the time to drag it out of storage. If you don’t, show your guests where they can put their luggage that isn’t your fresh, clean duvet.

• Empty out as much storage space as you can part with in the guest room, and supply plenty of empty hangers. Door hooks may also be helpful in the guest bedroom and bathroom.

• Place an iron and/or steamer in the closet so guests can refresh their clothing and not feel rumpled during their stay.

• Show guests where the laundry room is, and leave a note with any pertinent instructions for using the machines.

Necessities

• Leave out a couple of extra blankets or throws, in case nights are a bit chilly for your guests.

• Leave a stack of fresh towels in the guest room or in the bathroom in clear view, so guests don’t have to go

hunting. This also signals that they’re free to use the shower without having to ask.

• Set out a basket with basic toiletries in the bathroom. From a brand new toothbrush to travel bottles of shaving cream, these amenities will help guests feel at home – and save you from running all over the house to supply their needs.

• Leave toilet paper, plungers and other toilet items in full view. While it may not look the nicest, it will save your guests a lot of embarrassment.

Comforts

• Set out a basket of single-serve snacks. While you may have said “help yourself” to your guests in regards to your food, most will be too timid to crack into your cabinets.

• Provide printed steps for your media devices, especially smart TVs. If you have a hot tub, pool, pool table or other source of entertainment for which you have specific instructions or rules, print those out and post them in the appropriate place.

• Create a list of “alone time” activities your guests can do without you, such as restaurants you’d recommend, attractions you think they’d enjoy or events you think they may wish to attend. Of course, we suggest leaving out a copy of TOPS for their perusal!

10 Simple Tips to Help You Be the BEST Host!

DON’T feel that you have to plan every single meal, outing and activity. Leave plenty of room for your guests to explore a little on their own.

For week-long stays, it’s reasonable for you to make breakfast once, then provide breakfast items – such as pastries, fruit and breakfast casseroles – for guests to eat at their leisure the rest of the week. While you will be in charge of dinner most nights, let guests figure out lunch on their own unless you’re all out and about together.

Likewise, it’s reasonable to plan a few key activities and offer up some fun suggestions, but it’s perfectly fine to expect guests to entertain themselves for some of the time.

DO relax. The entire point of spending time with loved ones is to have meaningful moments together. The food, the accommodations, the entertainment are all secondary to the time you spend with one another. So enjoy your guests!

DON’T worry about your guests’ impression of you. Easier said than done, right? But more likely than not, your guests won’t remember a dust bunny under the bed or that your Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working. And honestly, if they’re judging you for the state of your drapes… are they even worth impressing?

DON’T do so much to cater to their needs that you end up feeling neglected. You can share some of what you love, too.

DO make time for self-care. We know, the phrase “self-care” is basically a bad cliché by now. But it really is important to carve out time to take care of yourself! Take a long, luxurious bath while your guests are touring bourbon distilleries. Slip out from a busy dinner to take in a breath of fresh air on the patio. Schedule some time for you to get away from your guests and simply relax.

DO involve your guests in planning… or let them take over, if they want. Your guests may have a bucket list they want to check off while in town. Let them handle some of the burden of decision-making!

DO let guests pitch in. If a guest offers to help with clean-up, let them. If they offer to help and you know them doing so would only create more stress, suggest something else they could help you with.

DON’T be afraid to ask your guests a little bit about themselves before they arrive so you can customize the experience for them. Are they light sleepers? Would they prefer to sleep in (and how late)? Do they enjoy candles, or would they rather have fresh air? Are there any snacks they tend to crave?

DO schedule a housecleaning for the day your guests leave. Let someone come and handle the dirty work, so to speak. This will be an amazing treat to yourself. As a bonus? It’s a great excuse to help scoot guests out the door (“Sorry, we have the cleaners coming at one. Here’s your bag! Bye! See ya next time!”) •