Mums in Mind Magazine by torcoupe

Relax. Relate. Recharge.

Issue One – January 2019 £1.00 Introductory Price

Welcome to Issue One

Letter from the Editor Victoria Coupe Hello! Welcome to the first edition of Mums in Mind Magazine. I’m Tor, your Editor and a married mum of two young boys. I started the Facebook group Mums in Mind at the end of June 2018. I wanted to have a safe place to help mums with issues like loneliness and self-esteem, and to provide advice and knowledge. Being a mum is hard and it can feel like you are winging it daily. But no matter how our day is going, or what is happening with our children, we get on with it. We are the glue that holds everything together. One day my son asked if one of his friends could come to dinner at our house. I said yes and contacted his friend’s mum. I got a really honest message back saying that the person didn’t want to come to dinner. At first I felt sorry for my son; how was I going to explain that to him? I replied and said not to worry. The mum explained that her little one had been having a hard year at school and didn’t want to go anywhere away from home. This resonated with me as my eldest had also been having a hard year. I had felt like the worst mum in the world, like I’d failed my son because I couldn’t make it better. I didn’t know what to do. When I received this mum’s message I actually thought, “Hooray, it isn’t just me” and that’s how the idea of Mums in Mind was born. We all need to know we are not alone. I’m no super-mum but I have been through two difficult births, a baby who I was told to say goodbye to, and all the tears, tantrums and extreme highs that motherhood brings. I love my role as a mum, but there are some days when I feel so lost that it’s great when I can talk to other mums who are going through the same things. So, this magazine is for you. It’s aim is to help you on your motherhood journey... it might not have all the answers you need right now, but if it helps in some way then that’s what matters. Whether you’re a new mum, a mum to be, an experienced mum, a mum who is done with having children or you want a whole house full.... just know that you do an amazing job every single day. Enjoy reading the magazine and let me know what you would like to see in future. Love, Tor xx mumsinmindorg@gmail.com

Contents

How to Help with Homework ............................................................. 5 The Importance of Sleep .................................................................... 7 Why is Exercise Important? ................................................................ 11 Easy Recipes for Busy Mums .............................................................. 13 How to Make Your Own Bath Bombs ................................................. 20 Diets Don’t Work! .............................................................................. 21 Making the Most of Your Money ........................................................ 23 The Art of Saying ‘No’ ........................................................................ 26 How to Find Your Style Personality .................................................... 29 Post-Partum Exercise – The First 6 Weeks ......................................... 31 Mum’s Guide to Holidaying in Spanish-Speaking Countries ............... 33 Book Review – Yankee Girl by Mary Ann Rodman .............................. 35 The Mum Checklist ............................................................................ 36

Real Mum Stories Chloe Campion ............................. 9 Jennifer Royle ............................... 14 Leila Magee ................................. 17

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How to Help with Homework

Alicia Hampson & Karen Greenwood Clear Steps Plus Education Homework – When, where and how?

might even learn a thing or two!

Children are generally more successful and motivated in school when parents take an active interest in their homework. It gives your child the message that learning and completing given tasks, to the best of your ability, are an important aspect to life.

Here are some tips to support you and reassure you that you are not alone in the challenge of homework:

However, this is all well and good, but what do you do if you don’t understand the homework yourself or your child is disinterested or seemingly cannot understand the work? The first thing to remember is you are doing and want the best for your child, that is the most important message you can convey. You are interested, you care and you will help them all you can – even if you don’t understand the homework yourself! You are not a teacher (in most cases!) and even if you are, teaching your own children comes with unique challenges due to the fact that you are ‘mum’ and ‘dad’. Helping with homework shouldn't mean spending hours hunched over a desk, cajoling, enforcing completion of homework or even doing the homework for them! Parents can be supportive by modelling study and organisation skills, explaining a tricky problem, or just encouraging kids to take a break. And who knows? You

Set up a homework-friendly area. Make sure your child has a well-lit place to complete homework. Keep supplies — paper, pencils, glue etc.— within reach.

Schedule a regular study time. Some children work best in the morning, following a snack and play period; others may prefer to wait until after dinner. Try to complete homework as soon as it is set if possible, whilst the requirements are fresh in your child’s mind.

Help them make a plan (Year 4 upwards). On heavy homework nights or when there's an especially intensive project to complete, encourage your child split the work into manageable chunks. Create a work schedule for the night if necessary — and take time for a 15-minute break every hour, if possible.

Keep distractions to a minimum. This means no

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TV, loud music, or phone calls. (Occasionally, a phone call to a classmate about an assignment can be helpful for older children.) 5.

in the subjects your child is struggling with. Attend school events, such as parent-teacher conferences, to meet your child's teachers. Ask about their homework policies and how you should be involved.

Make sure children do their own work. They won't learn if they don't think for themselves and make their own mistakes. Parents can make suggestions and help with directions. But it's your child’s job to do the learning.

Be a motivator, facilitator and monitor. Ask about assignments, projects, quizzes, and tests. Give encouragement, check completed homework, and make yourself available for any questions and/or concerns your child may have.

Set a good example. Do your children ever see you diligently balancing your budget or reading a book? Children are more likely to follow their parents'

10. If there are continuing problems with homework, get help. Talk about it with your child's teacher. Some children have trouble seeing the board and may need glasses; check your child’s hearing (my own daughter’s progress has improved tremendously since being fitted with a hearing aid). Others possibilities might be a need to have an evaluation for a learning problem or attention difficulty. There may be gaps in your child’s learning, in which case extra tuition for a period of time might be helpful in improving your child’s confidence and understanding. We truly hope we have given you some insight, reassurance or new things you might try to help your child with their homework. Useful resources for helping your child with homework:

“Praise their work efforts. Put results of achievements or art projects on the front of the refrigerator.”

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BBC Bitesize website https://www.bbc.com/bitesize

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YouTube videos (Warning! Watch the videos yourself first to make sure it is what it says it is!)

examples than their advice. If you are trying to help them with a maths problem you don’t understand, teach them resilience and perseverance by looking in text-books, searching the explanation on the internet or watching a video to explain how to solve the problem. Indeed, learning together shows your child that it is OK not to know, understand everything straight away and what to do if this is the case. It is also a valuable lesson in showing your child it is OK to make mistakes. 8.

Praise their work and efforts. Put results of achievements or art project on the refrigerator. Mention academic achievements to relatives, in front of your child.

Know the teachers — and what they're looking for

Further Information Karen Greenwood and Alicia Hampson (along with Tyrone McIvor), are the founders of Clear Steps Plus Education. Facebook @clearstepsplus Website www.clearstepsplus.co.uk

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The Importance of Sleep

Francesca Adinolfi The Sleep Consultant

If you are a mum you truly know what ‘tired’ means. Prior to having children, I would say that people were selfish and I felt tired too; I worked 45 hours per week and I felt knackered. Then my little boy arrived in 2014 and I experienced sleep deprivation, and I finally understood what other parents were trying to tell me! He would not sleep for the first 13 months of his life and after that he would wake up 5 am every day. This lasted for two years. I still wonder how I survived on that little sleep. When I finally thought I would get some extra sleep, my daughter arrived, and my son’s sleep went for a walk again! After receiving help from a lovely consultant, I took the decision to help others and to become a sleep consultant myself. So, what does sleep deprivation do to our body and mind? Sleep deprivation affects every part of our lives. MEMORY: A person who sleeps fewer than 7 to 9 hours per night is likely to have memory issues. During sleep, our brain forms connections that help us to process and remember new information. Lack of sleep is likely to affect long and shortterm memory. Problem solving skills and concentration are affected too. HEALTH: Your blood pressure can rise if you sleep less than 5

hours per night, putting you at risk of heart attack and other vascular problems. Your immune system is affected and you are more likely to catch flu and viruses. Lack of sleep also causes a rise in your blood sugar levels, and increases your risk of type-2 diabetes. Balance and coordination are affected, making you more prone to falls and other accidents. Probably worse than that however, is that being drowsy during the day can increase your risk of a car accident. It has been estimated that 100,000 crashes, 71,000 injuries and 1,550 deaths last year were related to falling asleep while driving. DIET: The chemicals that give the signals to your brain that you are full are off balance, so you will be more likely to overeat or use food to forget how you really feel. RELATIONSHIPS: Many women’s sex-drives go for a walk (like my son’s sleep). And the same is true for Dad’s too – when they are sleep deprived, their testosterone drops and their libido goes out the window.

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(whether it’s a story or a song), to give them the cue that sleepy-time is coming. A good tip is to feed your child after their nap.

“Routine is the first step that will help you through”

What happens to a child when they don’t sleep? Toddlers and pre-schoolers need an average of 13 hours sleep per day, divided between night-time sleep and daytime naps.

WAKEFUL WINDOWS: Watch out for your child’s ‘wakeful windows’. These are the periods of time that your child can remain awake without needing sleep. Infants will have shorter wakeful windows than toddlers. Look out for sleeping cues – for example, rubbing their eyes. If they get cranky or start having tantrums, you have probably missed their wakeful window, and settling will become harder and their sleep disturbed or shorter. Bear in mind that wakeful windows are always evolving. Remember that your child is an individual, and that you know him/her best. TIPS

When children don’t get enough sleep, this affects their limbic brain. The limbic brain controls our emotions and behaviour – and so, if your child is sleep-deprived, this will often lead to tantrums and irrational behaviour. (This happens in adults too but we usually know how to express our frustration without resorting to tantrums!) Children who don’t sleep enough find it difficult to concentrate and focus, and this affects their progress at school or their learning through play.

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The safest, and most comfortable place for a baby or toddler to sleep is in their bed. Keep the room around 16 to 18 degrees.

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Your child’s room should be dark. Red or amber lights are best, and most conducive to sleep. On a scale of 1 to 10, (where 1 is light and 10 is dark), the room should be around an 8.

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White noise can be very good for helping little ones to settle. This doesn’t mean you have to buy a white-noise machine however – a tumble-dryer or fan can work just as well.

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For older children, TV screens, tablets and other electronics, should be avoided for at least 30minutes to an hour before bedtime.

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Above all, be consistent!

They also might appear hyperactive with defiant or contrary behaviour, or can be accident prone and clumsy. And most importantly, they need sleep in order to grow and develop. So, how can you help your child to sleep? ROUTINE: Routine is the first step that will help you through. It has been shown that routine helps children to fall asleep faster and to stay asleep longer. A short routine, of 30 to 40 minutes, is ideal for small babies.

Sleep is so important, not only for your little one but for the benefit of every family member. Having experienced sleep struggles myself, I know that my relationship and my sanity were affected. If you are struggling seek help!

It is important to do the same steps in the same order every night. For example bath, feed, book, bed. If you cannot bath your child every night, then change their nappy and wash their face – do something that will remind them of their bedtime routine. If they have a feed before bed, include another step in between feeding and going down. For example, a short story, sharing a picture-book or singing a nursery-rhyme. This will help to avoid the association between feeding and bed, and as your child gets older, they won’t rely on food as a sleep crutch. A nap routine is important. This should last no longer than 5 to 15 minutes, and should be a shorter version of your child’s bedtime routine. Include the last step of their bedtime routine

Further Information

Francesca is a mum of two who lives in Hampshire with her partner. Originally from Rome, she has lived in the UK for the past ten years. She was a maternity nurse before becoming a sleep consultant. Facebook @Francesca-The-Sleep-Consultant580568352329707/

Real Mum Stories Chloe Campion

I’m Chloe. I’m 28, I’m engaged to my best friend, Glen and together we have two wonderful daughters. I also have a condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome and I’m going to share with you how this condition has impacted my life since I was diagnosed at 14. My diagnosis came about following a conversation with my mum. Until moving out, I lived with my parents and younger sister and us girls in the house were really close and would think nothing of having a wee while another one of us were in the shower and visa versa. I was showering one day and my mum came in to have a wee and we were happily chatting when she said (out of the blue) ‘bloody hell Chlo, the backs of your legs are really hairy… unusually hairy” and this short exchange was what triggered the next few months of appointments with my GP and eventually, an endocrinologist. My GP was not alarmed by the hair growth but thought the cause was probably hormonal and referred me to the endocrine team at Salford Royal Hospital. The endocrinologist we saw was a lovely lady and at my first appointment she explained the possible causes of my excess hair growth. She explained that there were two main possible causes. Firstly, there could be a small growth on my pituitary gland – this would require surgery to remove it. Secondly, it was possible that I could have polycystic ovarian syndrome. The lovely lady sat in front of us explained that while the prospect of a growth on the gland in my brain may sound daunting I should hope that this was the cause because PCOS (in her words) was a life sentence. These words have never left me. To establish what the cause was I was sent for an ultrasound scan. My mum came with me to the appointment and it was a man who did the scan. His bedside manner wasn’t the best and after what seemed like only seconds he confirmed a diagnosis of PCOS and then made a very flippant about not being able to have children and we were sent on our way. Following diagnosis, I was seen again by the endocrinologist. I was also referred to a dietician who advised me to eat a diet consisting predominantly of fruit and limit my portions to the size of a Müller light yoghurt pot. Not very helpful. Unsurprisingly, I chose not to see her again but I was seen at the endocrinology department every six months. At each appointment they would take bloods and advise that I lose weight. At each appointment I would feel I was trying to convince the doctors that I wasn’t an irresponsible binge eater but rarely felt convinced that they believed me. This is something I’ve experienced continually over the last fourteen years since my diagnosis. Even amongst those who profess to be experts on PCOS I would always feel that I wasn’t believed and that somehow, this was all my fault? Around the age of eighteen, my weight gain increased, as did my hair growth, and by my early twenties I was around sixteen stone and very hairy. By 23 I was around eighteen stone and one doctor at the endocrine clinic at Salford Royal described my hair growth (clinical name “hirsuitism’) as the worst case he had seen. Other symptoms I experienced were heavy and irregular periods. I could bleed consistently for eight weeks and then not at all. This would prove to be problematic when trying to conceive. I also experienced, and continue to experience, periods of low mood. Throughout my early twenties I often thought I could be experiencing bi-polar disorder but on reflection I’m sure my peculiar hormone levels are to blame. To try and remedy these symptoms I was prescribed metformin, spironolactone and vaniqa cream. Metformin was aimed at regulating my insulin levels, spironolactone is a water tablet but has also been proven to reduce testosterone levels and vaniqa is a very expensive cream that thins the hair but does not prevent regrowth. The metformin made me sick and so my motivation to keep on top of taking it regularly was just not there and the vaniqa dried my skin so much that I developed eczema like

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symptoms and I wasn’t sure which was worse. I kept on with the spironolactone on and off but felt that nothing was really working for me. From the day I was diagnosed, the common theme from every professional was weight loss and one day I decided I was going to do it. I had dieted on and off since the age of fourteen but never seriously but at 23 I joined the gym and stuck to a strict regime of consuming around 1200 -1400 calories a day. Within a year I lost three stone. Everyone noticed. Work colleagues, friends, family - they all said how great I looked but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel like me anymore and I was still hairy. Hairier than ever. I felt awful. Weight loss had not had the desired effect and I was devastated. Around this time I went through a reflective period and the outcome was this – people didn’t like me more now I was thinner, they liked me before and they still liked me now and they liked me because I was funny, kind, a good friend and many other reasons. The fact that I was a bit heavier than most people and grew hair on most parts of my body didn’t impair any of these qualities. It was this thought that was empowering enough for me to finally accept that although this condition was around to stay, it wasn’t the life sentence that the consultant had initially described. Instead, it was a part of who I was but not a defining part. Something that helps me is being open about my PCOS and especially my hair growth. It makes me feel more confident if people know it on my terms rather than looking and drawing their own conclusions. I find that if people know about my hair growth, I feel more in control. I know this wouldn’t work for everyone but it works for me. I met my other half five years ago and we knew each other prior to becoming a couple. We both knew we wanted children but had both been told that we were unable to or would struggle to conceive. I came off the pill about eighteen months after we got together and I had two regular periods, then nothing. After nine months we went to see the GP who referred me to gynaecology. The gynaecologist explained that my lack of periods indicated that I was not releasing eggs and so he prescribed two types of medication to try and help remedy this - Provera to kick-start my periods and Clomid to remind my ovaries to release an egg each month. He also told us that if these medications didn’t work, I would have to lose around five stone to qualify for NHS funded IVF. I found this information pessimistic and chose to disregard it. On round two of clomid we got our positive test. I can’t describe the joy I felt at that moment. It gives me goosebumps still just to think about that day and being able to tell my other half that he was going to be a dad! That we had done it, we had proven all the doctors wrong and we were going to have a baby. What followed was a very difficult pregnancy and birth but that’s a whole other story, and it wasn’t enough to put us off because fifteen months later we were ready for number two. Or at least we were ready to come off the pill and see what happened. We didn’t have to wait long and much to our surprise we got a second positive within six weeks. It was amazing to have conceived

“people didn’t like me more now I was thinner, they liked me before and they still liked me now”

naturally. We are five weeks in to enjoying our second daughter and despite claims that pregnancy would resolve my hormones I’m still as hairy as ever. My ovaries are clearer now, (which is why baby number two was conceived without any medical help) but the hair persists. I plan to lose weight this year but not with the aim of remedying any symptoms of my PCOS or losing a specific amount of pounds and ounces. Instead I’m aiming to feel better, to feel healthier and less breathless when running after my girls and to be able to look in the mirror and feel just a bit more comfortable. I can’t profess to know everything there is to know about PCOS and I can’t offer a miracle cure because there isn’t one. The treatment that has worked for me is acceptance of the condition and all that comes with it. Further Information Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS ) is thought to affect around one in five women in the UK. More than half of these women don’t have any symptoms, but those that do might experience irregular periods, high levels of male hormones (leading to excess hair), and follicles on their ovaries. There is no cure for PCOS but symptoms can be treated.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/polycystic-ovarysyndrome-pcos/

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Why is Exercise Important?

Laura Bland Laura B Fitness Coach & Mentor That’s a question I’ve been met with several times over, and not just since I’ve been running a fitness business. It’s even a question I’ve asked myself over the years – why is exercise important? If I’m happy with how I look, if I feel good, if I don’t enjoy exercising, if I don’t want or need to lose weight then why is making time to exercise so important? Let me ask you this – Why is cleaning your teeth each day important? If your teeth look lovely and white already why do you clean them? If you don’t have gum issues or teeth that hurt when you eat or drink, then why do you clean them twice a day? You do it in part to prevent issues and that can be the same for exercising. We as mums generally put ourselves last, we make sure that the kids are clean and fed and happy and that we get them to school and play dates and parties on time. We make sure to book them in with the dentist and the optician when we need to, and we encourage them to run around and be active because we know that all these things are good for them. After we sort the kids out we focus on making sure that our partners are happy, then we probably spend time cooking and cleaning and doing the shopping and any

other chores we can think of. Most of us probably have other work to do as well, either a job that we go to or a business that we are running and before we know it we have left no time for ourselves. Any precious time we do find the last thing on our minds can be exercising. It’s absolutely fine to look after those around us and to make sure that they are but we should also look after ourselves and for me a big part of self-care is exercise and keeping fit. I’m going to share with you 5 benefits of regular moderate exercise. You don’t have to be going all out at a group class or spending hours on end in the gym. Just 30 minutes of moderate exercise 3 – 4 times a week can bring about lots of benefits (but if all you can manage right now is 10 minutes twice a week, then start there). 1.

Natural increase in energy levels

We all assume that if we exercise we will be left feeling drained and tired but usually the opposite happens and you will be left feeling energised and ready to face the world. I like to workout first thing in the morning whilst everyone else sleeps so that I’m set up for the day. 2.

Improve your mood

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Regular exercise can help to reduce feelings of depression, anxiety, and stress. Exercise can encourage the release of endorphins – the bodies own happy pill - and can also make the brain more susceptible to serotonin which is proved to reduce feelings of depression. 3.

Improvement in overall fitness

Event short bursts of regular activity can have a positive impact on your overall level of fitness. Your cardiovascular fitness is probably the first thing that you will notice improve. It might be that you are no longer out of breath when you get to the top of the stairs or that you can chase around for longer in your back garden or at the park. It’s also probably the first

“if all you can manage right now is 10 mintes twice a week, then start there”

You don’t need an expensive gym membership and you don’t need to dedicate hours on end every day to working out in order to see these benefits. Something simple that you enjoy and that you can be consistent with is all you need. This could be a short jog/run a couple of times a week, it could be going on bike rides with the kids. Maybe you stand every weekend watching your kids at football practice or dance class or gymnastics, use that time to work on you. Jog round the pitch a couple of times, do a few body weight exercises. Grab 15 minutes at home to run through a quick routine. Check out the video I’ve put together to help you to get started. Listen to your body and go at a level that suits you, if you are new to exercise then stick with the modified moves and build up over time and if you have any injuries or health concerns that have a chat with your health professional before you get started.

thing you will notice decline when you stop exercising. If I don’t run for a week or two I notice it in my breathing when I do get out again. 4.

Better quality of sleep

So if exercise can leave you feeling energised how can it also help you to sleep better? Being active can help your body to spend more time in deep sleep, which is when you will be repairing and restoring and you may also sleep for longer periods of time. 5.

Improve bone strength and protect against illness

Exercise helps the body to build strong bones and muscles through a process of breaking down and then re-building. Using weights whilst you exercise can help with muscle growth and higher impact exercise like running and jumping can help to increase bone density. As we get older we can suffer from muscle wastage and conditions such as osteoporosis so regular exercise can help you to combat these.

Further Information Laura Bland is a fitness and nutrition expert. She specialises in helping busy mums to get fit and healthy from their own home, using a combination of online workout programmes, healthy eating, and accountability groups. Laura lives in Leicestershire with her husband, daughter, cat, fish and hamster. Facebook @laurabfitnesscoach Instagram @laurabfitnesscoach

Easy Recipes for Busy Mums Laura Bland

Peaches ‘n’ Cream Smoothie for Mums on the Run

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1 cup spinach 1 cup lettuce (not iceberg) ½ avocado 2 cups milk (traditional milk, almond milk or soya milk etc.) ¼ tsp vanilla extract A few strawberries 1 tsp raw honey

This provides you with veg, healthy fats, natural sugars (carbs) for energy, and is delicious!

Combine all ingredients in a blender. Blend to desired consistency and serve.

Protein Pancakes • • • • •

100g plain cottage cheese 50g rolled oats 2 eggs 1 tsp vanilla extract ½ tsp nutmeg

Combine all ingredients in a blender to form a smooth batter. Cook over a low-medium heat in a lightly oiled pan. This will make 5-6 American-style fluffy pancakes. Serve with fresh fruit of your choice.

Easy Slow-Cooker Recipe • •

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Any veg that you have, roughly chopped (lots of it) Any meat you have – chicken breasts, mince, meatballs, stewing beef (or leave out the meat for a vegetarian version) A carton of passata 2 tbsp mixed herbs

Combine all ingredients in a slow cooker and leave it to cook on low all day. Serve any way you fancy:

My six-year-old daughter loves them! •

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In wraps or pitta bread – just take the lid off the slow-cooker for the last half an hour of cooking, so that it thickens With rice or pasta – add it to the slow-cooker and serve once this has cooked on jacket potatoes

Real Mum Stories Jennifer Royle One thing that people forget to tell you before you embark on your journey toward motherhood is that right from the very start you will experience a rollercoaster of emotions , anxieties and challenges which will test your limits to the max. The day that I found out I was pregnant was far from the idealistic scenes depicted on the TV and in the glossy magazines, in fact I almost fell off the toilet in sheer shock and disbelief. It would take a further 3 pregnancy tests, numerous blood tests and an early scan to convince both myself and the doctors that this was in fact a viable pregnancy. At the age of 20 while still studying graphics at university I received two medical bombshells that would shape the rest of my adult life. Since the age of 16 I have suffered with crippling period pains and heavy bleeding every month which on occasions sent me to the emergency room for morphine or resulted in long nights lay on the cold bathroom floor in crawling distance from the toilet. I was eventually given a diagnostic laparoscopy which revealed that I had been suffering from a condition called endometriosis. This is a condition where cells from the lining of the womb break off and attach themselves to surrounding organs usually within the pelvis, these cells cause inflammation and bleeding during each cycle which in turn creates adhesion and cysts called endometrIomas. During my post-operative appointment the doctor asked whether I had ever considered having children because if I did, we would have to start now as leaving it too long would significantly reduce our chances of conceiving. This came as a shock to both me and my partner who at the time were more focused on finishing our degrees then starting a potential family. After graduating university we decided to try for a baby and finally conceived a year or so later. We couldn't have been more overjoyed especially armed with the misleading belief given to us by doctors that this would be a potential cure for the endometriosis and finally an end to all my pain and suffering. Unfortunately the pregnancy was not to be and I miscarried at only 9 weeks. The whole experience of miscarriage was traumatic from receiving the devastating news, being made to sit in a room full of smiling ,glowing pregnant ladies, the dismissive attitude of some of the staff and the sheer lack of information about what was about to happen. During the scan confirming the miscarriage the sonographer also detected a huge ovarian cyst which would later result in surgery. A few weeks later I awoke from surgery to find that I was attached to a morphine drip, unfortunately the cyst was so large and awkward that the surgeon had to cut across my abdomen in order to successfully remove it. For weeks I would find myself looking down at my stomach and sobbing at the sight of my caesarean type wound, knowing that the only thing that I would have to show for my ordeal would be a scar. I would often dream about being able to hear a baby crying but not being able to find where the baby was, feeling alone and vulnerable I convinced myself that no one would have time for my woes and carried on as best I could. Years would pass and more surgeries would follow in the attempt to remove more endometriosis and the cysts that cropped up time and time again. I had the pleasure of enduring hormone injections that would put my body through a chemical menopause, the side effects of which were almost as horrific as the endometriosis itself. I felt mentally and physically exhausted, hopeless and alone. Eventually during yet another hospital admission relating to cysts I finally reached my breaking point and demanded a hysterectomy. The consultant pleaded with me to reconsider and convinced me yet again 14

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to take another hormone injection, but this time in return for enduring yet another cycle of horrific side affects he would refer us for IVF. When the much anticipated day finally arrived to attend the IVF clinic we were filled with a mixture of excitement, hope and anticipation.There were inevitably various forms and bits of paperwork to fill in, but one question in particular filled me with dread.The form asked whether myself or my partner had any family history of any genetic conditions (this is where my second medical bombshell comes into play). Around the same time as receiving the endometriosis diagnosis I had also found out that both myself and my younger brother had inherited a degenerative eye condition which would potentially leave us severely sight impaired.We were asked to sign a form which stated that embryos carrying the gene would be destroyed.Thoughts swirled through my head that perhaps I was deemed as being unworthy of life due to this condition, it also angered me slightly that here I was a more or less fully functional person living an almost normal life however potential babies like myself would be destroyed. No parent would wish for their children to have any disability or health condition but faced with the cold hard reality of seeing it in black and white it suddenly all seemed so harsh and perhaps a little unfair. As part of the IVF consultation an ultra sound scan was done to assess whether all was well in order to proceed with the treatment. The consultant explained that he could see what looked like a polyp which would need to be removed if we were to proceed. From wide eyed excitement to total deflation, the tears began to flow once more and we were asked to attend the clinic in two weeks time. The next weekend I received a phone call from an old school friend, we chatted for a while about our day to day life before she asked whether I had anything exciting to tell her. I was a little confused as we hadn't told anyone about our recent IVF appointment and exclaimed that unfortunately we had nothing exciting to report. She laughed and said that she had had a strange dream that I was six weeks pregnant. We both burst out laughing at the sheer notion of the idea and thought nothing more of it.

“love for our babies… can get us through the very toughest of times”

After the drip was administered labour rapidly progressed and the anaesthetist was called to discuss pain management. After hearing mums describe childbirth as the worst pain ever experienced, I decided that I had suffered enough and opted for an epidural. I sat on the end of the bed bravely waiting for the ordeal of a needle being stuck in my back to be over. I looked over and saw the colour drain from the anesthetists face “Oh no, I’ve hit the spine”, he exclaimed. “I know i have , i can see cerebral fluid in the syringe”. I had no idea what all this meant at the time as quite frankly I was more focused on the contractions. Another doctor came into the room to trace baby’s heart beat but had difficulty getting a reading, a monitor was placed on baby’s head and I was asked to roll onto my side but everytime i moved onto my side baby's heartbeat seemed to stop. Red lights started flashing and another bunch of doctors came running into the room; I was being rushed into theatre for an emergency caesarean and I was petrified. The only thing I remember is coming round and seeing my husband cradling a little bundle ‘look Jen”, he said almost whispering “it’s a baby”. I had never felt such a rush of love and protection than at that moment when he placed that little baby into my arms, she was finally here and it wasn't a dream.

The joy and elation would soon become overshadowed by the On the way home from work one evening I couldn't get our crushing pain that suddenly resided inside my skull, something recent telephone conversation out of my head, should I take a wasn't quite right. test just to get the idea out of my head. Sure enough two red lines appeared; I was pregnant. To cut a long story short the epidural needle had pierced my spine causing fluid to leak. This is often referred to as a post epidural The pregnancy progressed nicely despite a brief episode of headache and is described as the most painful headache that you bleeding which a scan thankfully reassured that all was well. may have ever experienced. MRI scans also showed that the Towards the end of the pregnancy I suffered from SPD which pressure had caused two small haemorrhages. There were rooms meant that I had to use crutches to get around as pain in my full of doctors bombarding me with questions but I had lost most hips made mobility difficult.A recent midwife visit had also of my hearing, the sounds that I could hear were muffled and detected that my blood pressure had rocketed as I had now sounded exactly like the robots from the smash adverts. started to develop preeclampsia. Doctors finally decided that I should be induced when my due day had come and gone. The doctors tried to fix the leak with a blood patch. This is where they take some of your blood and inject it into the site of the hole 15

in the hope that it will rectify the problem. The procedure was performed twice and I had to lie flat for 24 hours after each attempt all while having a new born to look after. My husband was by my side the whole time whilst in hospital and was the best wing man that I could have ever wished for. My husband had never been around babies or small children so we worked as a team, he would wake up to prepare the night feeds and bring baby to me when she needed changing and dressing and had to sleep on a chair; he was thrown in at the deep end and exhausted. I tried my best to direct him on how to put clothes on her as I lay in agony or woozy from the pain meds, he was certainly learning on the job. We didn't get out of hospital until she was three weeks old and we both felt robbed of those precious first weeks with our new miracle baby. Hubby had to go back to work and although I could still hardly walk and suffered daily migraines I was determined not to be confined to the house. The Health visitor helped me to get to a couple of baby groups and help me find my way around a little, which was a great help but then we were on our own. Mother and baby groups were daunting enough but I also had the added pressure of navigating my surroundings and reading everybody's body language and facial expressions with my visual difficulties. Using my trusty sat nav on my phone we attended as many baby groups as I could find; baby massage, sure swim, rhyme time, messy play, you name it I dragged myself there. Henshaws were great, they had volunteer drivers who picked us up and took us to their toddler group which was for other visual impaired mums and children. This gave me the opportunity to meet other visually impaired mums who had similar challenges. I was also introduced to a support group on Facebook for blind and partially sighted mums which was a great comfort and helped dampen the feeling of being alone and isolated. I'm not going to pretend that being a new mum and having limited sight was easy because having a newborn is a challenge for every parent. But as all parents do, we adapted and found different ways to tackle everyday challenges. I found a pram that was parent facing which helped eliminate bashing my poor child into things as well as easing my mind that she wouldn't be grabbing things off the shelves and causing chaos in shops as she got older. Night feeds meant having to pre-prepare bottles as there was no way I could pour a hot kettle of water into bottles during the night. Markers were put on bottles to help with measurements and I found nappies that had coloured tapes so I could see them as we all know nappies and wriggly babies are bad enough without fiddling about trying to fasten them. Family helped where they could but despite my limitations we functioned well. Now that my daughter is older she's aware that mummy has poorly eyes and she is great at helping to locate the remote controls or hair brush and she even offers a guiding hand when we are out and it's a little dark. When Daddy isn't around we see the challenges as adventures as long as I plan and make sure we have back up in case we get a little lost or stuck nothing holds us back. We even managed a trip to the cinema which was a huge challenge as I can't navigate in the dark and small children always need at least five trips to the toilet. As a mum I've !earned to ask for help when I need it, a little more than I did beforehand and to be less ashamed of my limitations, in many ways being a mum has made me a stronger person. My journey as a mummy has taught me that the love for our babies and loved ones can get us through the very toughest of times and that it's ok to have a bad day or even a bad month. I still have anxieties about not being a good enough mummy as we sometimes have to do things a !little differently but this is our version of normal and that's fine, every family is different .

Real Mum Stories Leila Magee This is one mum’s story but two very different stories of motherhood! August 2006 Hungover, after celebrating my 24th birthday I cannot stay in bed, there is something I need to do. I have known deep down but been in denial that I might be pregnant. I have had this test in my drawer for a week, but selfishly, I wanted to have one last big birthday blowout before I knew for sure. Off to the bathroom I go… sure enough I am pregnant! Living at home with my parents, as I had given up my job and returned to college! I phoned my boyfriend and told him I was on my way over. As I arrived I felt sick. I knew he wasn't the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. I had wanted to end our relationship for a few weeks. Even though I had known him for a decade, we had only been together for eight weeks and hadn't had any dates where we weren't partying. He didn't take the news well… in fact he threw up! Roll on a few weeks of chatting about how our lives were going to change, and we decided to tell our parents. I felt like a failure! I wanted this baby, I had created this little being but I had no financial way of supporting a baby. I was working part time as a nanny. Luckily my best friend Jill stepped up and told my parents when I couldn't find the words! November 2006 Roll on to November, everyone had got their heads around the fact I was pregnant! M and I were moving in together. All was great, right? Wrong! M and I really didn't like each other and we argued continuously. There wasn't a day where there wasn't screaming or tears in our house. He started spending more time at work, yet we didn't seem to have any extra money. Later on I found out it was because he wasn't at work, he was with another woman. We didn't like each other and I was just enduring this 'partnership' to give our daughter a chance of a life with both parents. April 2007 I felt rotten, my mum took me to my midwife appointment and I explained to the midwife that I felt I was in slow labour. My midwife disagreed and said she would send someone out to see me the next day as she was about to go on holiday, but as my ankles were swollen and my blood pressure was high, she felt someone needed to visit me the next day. I told her there was no need as I was in labour and would be in hospital later on. She laughed at me as I left the room. My mum dropped me off home and I sobbed. I wanted my baby out. I wanted my mum! I didn't want another argument with M. I told M that the midwife didn't believe I was in labour, he told me to stop moaning and stormed out of the house. Eight hours later, he hadn't returned. I was starving, so I waddled to the chip shop on the corner. The guys in the chippy were so lovely; one walked me home and dished up my dinner! Then, just as I finished eating, my waters broke. Frantically I tried to contact M, but he had turned his phone off and none of his friends could tell me where he was. I called my mum and she came to collect me and take me to hospital. M arrived at the hospital just as they were fitting me with every monitor imaginable. I was poorly. The baby was poorly. Fifteen hours later and after every drug available taken, with my mum at my side and M in the chair, Amber was born. She shared her birthday with my mum. You know people say, when you look at your child for the first time, you fall in love and think they are the most beautiful thing in the world? Well, maybe it was the drugs, but I thought Amber looked like the squid baby from Men In Black! Later that day I fell madly in love with her and could see how incredibly beautiful she was. I could not 17

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take my eyes off her. I think I watched every breath she took that night. As M and I learned how to become parents, we learnt to get along for a short while. We enjoyed Amber’s early days and she was the most incredibly easy baby. At nine weeks old, she slept 13hours a night. I thought that working as a nanny for seven years, had made me the best mum in the world! I had life sorted. I was on top of my housework, I was back in shape, I did my hair and make up everyday. We even went on holiday to Turkey when Amber was two months old. That's how 'together' I was! But, it was during that holiday that things really fell apart between M and I. October 2007 It was on the day of Amber’s Baptism when it all went really wrong.... so it felt that day, but it was actually the start of things getting better! M and I split up that day and I didn't allow him back in the house after that. We gradually worked on visits and now he makes sure he sees her each week. I am so lucky to have such incredible parents who took care of Amber and me from the day I became a single mother, and I moved back in with them a few weeks after M and I split. I spent my days playing with Amber and cooking her fantastic and healthy meals, going to groups and having fun. I passed my driving test and got a job as a nanny where I could take Amber with me. We got ourselves a house and I was a strong mama! Being a single mummy was hard work and the evenings were lonely, but it wasn’t all bad. 2011 I moved back to near my parents and one day a friend introduced me to a guy called "Goodz" (Paul). He looked like a scally, but my friend swore he was perfect for me! I never believed in meeting ‘the one’, but on our first date I knew that I would share my life with him. Thankfully, although it was nerve-wracking introducing Amber to him, she fell madly in love with Paul the moment she met him. He was brilliant with her and they were inseparable. After a few months, we moved into a new house as a family of three. I had never felt happiness like it! Paul proposed to me, and 13 months later we were married. It was magical! I finally had the life I had always wanted; an amazing, hard working, supportive husband who was also my best friend. I had a happy child. We worked hard and had fun. 2014 The following spring, I found out I was pregnant. We were delighted. Amber gets to be a big sister, Paul gets to see his baby grow and enjoy the baby years, which he didn't get with Amber! But not long afterwards, Paul got sick. What we were told at first was a virus, turned out to be endocarditis – he had an infection in his heart and his mitral valve was flapping and was almost detached. Doctors prepared me for the future, explaining that they couldn't operate until they had cleared some of the infection

“The moment we introduced Amber to her baby brother is a moment I’ll never forget.”

but in the meantime, the infection could kill him or the mitral valve could detach, shoot off and lodge in his brain causing a stroke. In August 2014, Paul had open-heart surgery. The rest of that time I would like to forget, but after a long period of recovery, he was finally back at work. After Paul's first day back at work we decided to have an early night. Until around 1am I woke with tummy ache… Baby Oliver was born less than three hours after we arrived at the hospital! The moment we introduced Amber to her baby brother is a moment I’ll never forget. Getting to grips with a baby after seven years is hard, and the second half of my pregnancy had been exhausting; working, looking after Amber, visiting Paul in hospital, and looking after him when he came home. I was physically and mentally exhausted! So after three weeks of sleepless nights, a phone call to tell me our landlady was selling our home nearly pushed me over the edge! However, my amazing husband made me see it as a fantastic fresh start for us all. Oliver isn't the best at sleeping. He is a monkey, waking me up through the night, even now aged four, and then getting over tired so he can't sleep. I realise now, that Amber’s amazing sleep pattern was not down to me being an amazing mum – it was a fluke! My babies couldn't be more different if they tried, but they are both amazing. I took a part time job when Oliver was 7 months old. It worked around Amber being at school and Oliver went to a childminder 2 days a week. Giving your baby to someone else to care for is such a hard thing to do! I had always been on the caring side, working as a nanny, and Amber had come to work with me from the age of 7 months. She wasn't out of my care until she started pre school. 18

I found it hard being away from Oliver, but I knew the childminder we had was the best we could have chosen. Now aged 4 he is still with her. We love her and she is like another mummy to Oliver and her home is a home from home for him. I read a while ago on social media a phrase about how working mums must work as though they don't have children but parent as though they don't work. It's so true. However, I have been lucky, I have been a stay at home mum, I have worked part time and I have jobs that work well for me around my kids. My kids are welcome at work at any point. So these are my two, very different mum stories by one mummy. Today things are good, I have a lovely house, I love my work, and we are a happy and healthy family. It’s been 11 years of highs and lows but I wouldn’t change any of it. Being a mum and all that has come with it, has shaped me into the woman I am today.

Things I know now… • I am currently being treated for pre cancerous cells (CIN3). I wasn’t late for my last smear test, yet it had got to that stage since then. I cannot stress to you the importance of getting your smear – if I had missed the last one, I would have missed my babies growing up! It is a few minutes that could save your life. • For a long time I endured a 'partnership' in order to give our daughter a chance of a life with both parents – never do this; only stay together if you are in a happy relationship! • The most important thing as a mum is to have someone to talk to; someone to laugh with, someone to support you, someone to be honest with you, someone to listen to you on both your good and bad days. This can be a partner, a parent, a friend or even a stranger you meet on holiday! Make sure you always talk; talking is great therapy! • If you are reading this and one of your mummy friends is a single mummy, arrange to cook dinner at their house or give them a call in the evening. It will mean the world to them and possibly stop them spiraling into depression. • I wish that I had said ‘yes please’ to the people who offered help when my children were born. If you are an expectant mummy, when visitors offer help, accept it. Let them hang out the washing and thank them by letting them have a cuddle with baby whilst you have a shower. They really won't mind!

How to Make Your Own Bath Bombs

Donna Haston The Holistic Way Who doesn’t love a bath bomb to take their soak to another level? Here is a quick & easy way to make lovely bath time treats, these are also vegan so suitable for everyone who wants to try. You can also add essential oils for little bit of luxury and your mind will be swept away to your favourite spa. You will need: • 2 cups of baking powder • 1 cup of citric acid (found online) • 1 cup Epsom salt • 10-15 drops Essential oils • 1/4 cup coconut oil • 5 spritz witch hazel How to make: 1. In a dry bowl mix all the ingredients for approximately 5 minutes (use gloves) 2.

Heat the coconut oil until just melted & add the essential oils – mix

Slowly add the oil mix to the dry ingredients – a little fizzing will happen!

Add the witch hazel as you mix

Press the mixture into moulds & leave to harden overnight – you can use ice-cube trays as moulds (you don’t have to buy the big round moulds, anything will do!)

Dried flowers can be added to the moulds before the mixture goes in – why not try some dried rose petals or some dried lavender?

Aromatherapy blends for you to try: RELAX: 7 drops of Lavender & 7 drops of Chamomile DE-STRESS: 6 drops of Frankincense, 6 drops of Elemi & 3 drops of Orange REVIVE: 10 drops of Grapefruit & 5 drops of Geranium DETOX: 7 drops of Lime & 6 drops of Tea Tree Oils to avoid if pregnant or breastfeeding: Avoid for first 3 months: Chamomile & Lavender Avoid whole pregnancy & breastfeeding: Basil, Berch, Black Pepper, Cedarwood, Clary Sage, Cypress, Fennell, Geranium, Hyssop, Jasmine (but can be used & very helpful at birth), Juniper, Margoram, Myrhh, Nutmeg, Rosemary, Tarragon & Thyme

Find Donna on Facebook @ holisticaromas

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Diets Don’t Work! Louise Mercieca The Health Kick It’s January - a time when we grimace at the bills rolling in and feel bad about festive overindulgence in terms of eating and drinking. It’s also a time when the whole world is obsessed with New Year’s Resolutions and being bombarded by colourful (yet often misleading) adverts about every ‘miracle weight loss/ diet/healthcare revolution known to man or indeed womankind for that matter. Now I don’t often mention the word ‘diet’ in my nutrition work, for me the word is synonymous with weight loss, cravings, painful denial, restrictive rules and more often than not misery at the end of it. I am going to let you into a little secret too… “they don’t work”. Ok, so how should we look at food? All of us have to have a lifelong relationship with food, let’s not make it a battle! I would love people to understand food and their own body so that they can have a healthy sustainable relationship forever! I love to talk about biology and nutritional science, but there are always good reasons behind this. For example, a lot of my nutritional work is around preventative nutrition, using the right foods to fuel the body and reduce the need for medication later on – I focus a lot on children’s health

as getting nutrition right with children is surely THE BEST form of prevention as they get older? This isn’t about the kids though, this is actually about you so back to diets! Here are my top 5 reasons why we shouldn’t diet: - 1.

Diets tend to focus on total body weight and what the scales say. The scales are not your friend, they do not tell you if you are losing lean mass/water or fat. What we want to lose is fat. Hide your scales and use a tape measure instead.

Calorie restrictions can cause additional fat storage – our bodies are very clever but biologically we haven’t changed much since early man.

Consider our ancestors when food was scarce, their bodies would go into protective mode, this means our brains slow us down to conserve energy. Ever wondered why you feel so sluggish when you skip meals? Your body is trying to protect you. The difference is we are now choosing not to eat deliberately (our body just cannot understand that one!). Fat is considered a valuable resource to our body, much more than lean tissue, so when your body thinks you are starving it very cleverly tries to protect you by keeping hold of your fat. The exact opposite of what you wanted it to do! 21

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Self esteem. This is a big one for me, I see many people who have lived on diets for years, decades even yet have never felt at ease with food or with their own bodies. That makes me sad because you are amazing; that you were even born is a mathematical improbability and then you’ve done all the things you have done in your life because of your body so let’s be kind to ourselves and to our wonderful bodies. Nutrition is incredible complex this is why I have studied it for years but when you get it right you see what your body can do and how you can feel at ease. Try it! Ditch the scales, stop counting calories, remove the chemicals and see how it goes! I am on hand to help . Remember it’s important not to count calories with children or have ‘special meals’ for diet purposes, children pick up on that relationship with food and we don’t want that!

Stress! Dieting can make you stressed! If the thought of going out for a meal with friends puts you in a panic about what you can eat or the dreaded weekly weigh in with those ghastly clubs gives you palpitations then guess what? You’re going to store more fat because stress increases our stress hormone Cortisol and Cortisol increases abdominal fat. Remove the pressure and the weight will come off much easier. When I work with clients weight loss is a feature of our consultation but not the primary focus, you would be amazed how it happens when you focus on other areas of your health.

“you are amazing; that you were even born is a mathematical improbability… so let’s be kind to ourselves and to our wonderful bodies”

A by product of continued calorie restriction is a slower metabolism meaning you will find it much ever to burn fat and feel energy transfer from food. 3.

Diet foods. Now, where do I start with this one! Let’s just look at the fact that since the launch of the diet industry in the 1970’s global obesity rates have risen considerably and continue to do so despite the growing number of people on diets. Diet foods are very contradictory; a.

They actually slow down your metabolism making it harder to burn fat

They are often full of sugar

They are full of artificial sweeteners which damage your good gut bacteria making it harder to metabolise fat

They encourage sweet cravings

They eliminate essential fats, eating essential fats actually helps the body to metabolise fats.

They cause blood sugar spikes and drops which cause both a metabolic and neurological cycle of hormones which cause your blood sugar and mood to go up and down like a YoYo

They are full of chemicals

They are lacking in nutrients

So, there are my top 5 reasons why you shouldn’t go on a diet. I hope I have managed to persuade you and even to pop along to my website/social media or award-winning nutritional cook-book for families for more info.

Further Information Louise Merceica The Health Kick Facebook @thehealthkick Website www.louisemercieca.co.uk

I could carry on but I have a word limit on this article! You get the theme though? 22

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Making the Most of your Money Rebecca McWilliam The Purple Piggybank January can feel like a very long month, most of us have spent far too much money over Christmas and pay day can feel like a very long way away. Don’t despair! It’s the perfect time to hunker down, get your finances in order and start 2019 in the best way possible. The main focus of this edition is budgeting, I am going to show you how to budget and share with you lots of tips and tricks to save money, claim money that you didn’t know you were owed and get the most from your spending.

are - gather together:

Start budgeting

■ Leisure - holidays, days out, hobbies, restaurants, after school activities, school trips etc.

If you only make one New Year’s resolution, make it about budgeting - it’s the first step to taking control of your finances.. It’s estimated that 15 percent of us never plan our finances by budgeting, which can create all manner of problems if money is tight. Budgeting means you're less likely to end up in debt or get caught out by unexpected expenses. And more likely to have a good credit rating which will put you in a strong position when you apply for a mortgage or loan. It will also make it easier to spot areas you can make savings and put you in a good position to save up for nice things like holidays and other treats. What you need to start budgeting To start with you will need find out what your expenses

■ Household bills - energy, broadband, water etc. ■ Living costs - food, clothing etc. ■ Travel costs - cars & public transport ■ Financial costs - insurance etc.

Once you have gathered all of this together click the link below and head over to The Money Advice Service’s budget planner to get started. It’s a free and easy way to work out your budget. It’s a good idea to get the whole family involved, sit down together and make a plan you can all stick too. Budgeting is an ongoing process so ensure to regularly review your budget every few months and when there are any changes. Set a savings goal Now you have worked out your income and expenditure you can start to put some money into savings. Whether your looking to make savings for the future or to buy a TV or book a holiday, use this handy savings calculator. 23

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repays debts on old cards for you, so you owe it instead, but at 0%. Find out if you are eligible for a balance transfer credit card

“Debt advisors never judge and they are always happy to help”

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Take unwanted gifts back - Don’t keep Christmas gifts you will never use, it’s much better to swap the gift for something that will benefit you.

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Do Dry January - The cost of going out for a few drinks every week and buying alcohol to drink at home can quickly mount up. Add up how much you save over the month and put the money to towards paying off debt or into your savings.

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Don’t be ripped off by car insurance renewals - take 10 minutes to see if you can get a better deal. Insurers rely on people's laziness to increase prices, so always check other deals before you renew.

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Find Out If You Were Mis-Sold PPI - Yes I know you’re probably sick to the back teeth of seeing adverts and getting cold calls about PPI but with many getting £10,000+, don't assume it doesn’t apply to you! Time is running out, find out how to Reclaim PPI for FREE.

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See If You're Owed Money Back On Your Student Loan - 100,000s have overpaid on their student loan without realising, by paying too early, still paying once it was paid off, or paying when they weren't earning enough. Some people have claimed back thousands! See Student Loans Overpayments to save.

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Delete your credit card details from online shopping - Type your details in every single time you want to buy something online and you will consider whether you actually need to buy it.

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Switch Energy Provider - Switching couldn’t be simpler and can save you hundreds each year. Not all comparison sites are unbiased so be sure to use an ofgem accredited comparison site.

What if I spend more than I have coming in? It’s time to look at where you can cut back - The Money Advice Services quick cash finder is a great place to start. I would suggest keeping a spending diary and making simple changes to your daily spending habits such as taking your lunches to work with you, cancelling underused gym memberships, cutting back on meals out and cutting your shopping bill costs by dropping down a brand. Check out list below of tips to save money & claim money in 2019. What do I do if I am feeling overwhelmed by my debt and expenses? There are debt advice charities that can help you with your situation. Debt advisors never judge and they are always happy to help you no matter how big or small your situation. Speaking to someone can help you feel less stressed and more in control. Where to get help. Tips To Save Money & Claim Money in 2019 •

Cancel unused memberships - gym, beauty boxes, audible etc.

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Be Sale Savvy - Buy things in the sales that you actually need, if your toaster is on its last legs or you need some new bedding, you can save yourself some money by getting them in the january sales.

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Married or in a civil partnership? You could claim up to £662. If you're married or in a civil partnership and one of you is a non-taxpayer, you could claim up to £662 via marriage tax allowance.

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Check if you're paying interest on credit card debts - You can save £100s with a balance transfer card. It

How to get cashback on all your shopping! If you don’t use cashback sites you need to start. They are generally free to sign up to and you earn money every time you spend money. What’s not to like? Cashback sites work by passing on a portion of their advertising commission to you. Here are my favourites: Kidstart It’s free to sign up and every time you shop at one of their 1500 cashback partners via their site they’ll top up your child’s savings account. Amazon rarely gives cashback but they do via kidstart! Other cashback partners include Sainsburys, Mothercare and Ebay. 24

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hundreds of pounds on offer if you switch or take out a new contract via TopCashBack. Tip - Leave the cashback to build up in your account and use it to pay for birthdays and Christmas presents. Cashback On Your Utility Bills Imagine if your shopping paid your utility bills? It can with the Utility Warehouse Discount Club cashback card. When you switch one or more of your household utilities to them you can opt for a cashback card. You simply top it up with your own money and use it like a debit card to pay for things when you’re shopping. You can earn between 3%-7% CashBack at over 50 leading retail partners including Argos, Boots and M&S, and 1% CashBack everywhere else. You can also save up to 10% at over 2,000 online retailers. All the cashback you earn comes off your utility bill the following month. Loyalty Cards Never miss out on savings again! - with the KidStart Savings Prompt , its a desktop add-on that helps you make sure you never forget to save for your kids while shopping online by alerting you to savings opportunities as you browse. Tip - Check out the Kidstart Sainsburys hub, they have teamed up with Sainsbury's to give members the opportunity to collect KidStart Savings on EVERY order at Sainsbury's Groceries online. Including cashback offers and discounts on Sainsbury’s little ones range. TopCashBack Sign up for free and go shopping via their site. Every time you spend money at one of their thousands of partners they will add your cashback to your account. You can then withdraw the cashback you have earned and transfer it straight into your bank account. Always check out their offers section where you will find great cashback deals at many of your favourite stores. One big expense for all parents is kids clothing and shoes, TopCashback is great as they offer cashback at a huge range of children’s clothing retailers including George, Matalan, Gap, Joules and Boden. Big Money - If you are thinking of switching energy or broadband providers or taking out a new phone contract always check topcashback first! There are potentially

There are a whole range of loyalty cards out there, it seems nearly every high street store now offers one. While many are well worth using loyalty doesn’t always pay, check out this loyalty card guide to find out to get the most from loyalty cards. Christmas 2019! Christmas 2019 is probably the last thing on your mind this month but now is a good time to think about it. While savings clubs can be a good idea they are not financially regulated, so your money isn’t protected if they go bust, which has happened in the past. The best option is to work out how much you money you need to cover the cost of Christmas and create your own savings plan.

Further Information Rebecca McWilliam The Purple Piggybank Facebook @thepurplepiggybank

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The Art of Saying ‘No’ Rachael Broderick The Real Life Fit So, you've just had a baby… first of all, CONGRAULATIONS! You just grew a human and it came OUT OF YOUR BODY! That in itself my friend, is a flipping miracle. Let's just stop and take that in for a moment. You managed to conceive, nourish, grow and produce a mini version of yourself. This is no small thing. Your journey to conceive may have been straight forward; the "birds and the bees". Or it may have been more complex; medical intervention, or fertility treatment. But whatever the route, it's happened and you now have a real life small person to look after. And it's overwhelming. It's amazing. But it's overwhelming. The sense of responsibility that normally kicks in as soon as you arrive home with your precious bundle all wrapped up warm in the fresh sleep suit, blanket and all snug inside the pristine car seat. The reason I am saying this to you is I am a Mum of now two young sproglets; a boy aged 5 and daughter now 11 months old. I have been around this circuit for the second time and so I have the benefit of not only hindsight but also foresight on this experience. And I can honestly say my experience of my first year of motherhood between

my first and second child was completely different. Because the second time around, I decided to prioritise MY self-care first rather than everyone else’s. Now before you get alarmed, when I say prioritise my selfcare first, of course, what comes first is the needs of my new born. But immediately after their needs were sorted, what came next were my needs and anything else was way down the list. Like, WAY down the list. So how did I come to this way of thinking? Let's dial it back 5 years. I'd had my first child, a son. I'd had a pretty crappy labour. I was in hospital for 5 days afterwards when I finally pleaded with doctors for me to go home. I was tired. I wanted my own bed. So I was eventually discharged. I arrived home, tired but happy. My husband was elated to have us both home, as he'd had to go home every evening without us. We placed our sleeping new born who was snug in his car seat into the middle of the living room and then we both just stared at him. What on earth do we do now? First thing I had to do was have a bath. 5 days in a hospital (as amazing as the care was) means I was desperate to have a bath, in my own bathroom with bubbles. I was exhausted. 26

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pneumonia. This was my body's way of shouting at me to slow down, to stop and just rest.

“your baby will not care a jot if your cousin twice removed comes to visit”

The bath felt heavenly as I was sore and swollen down below and I was covered in bruises due to repeated attempts by nurses to insert cannulas into my collapsing veins to give me an urgent blood transfusion, due to losing an immense amount of blood during labour. As soon as I got out of the bath, it hit me - hard. I burst into tears, bawling, like, really sobbing. I felt as though I had been hit by a bus, my body hurt all over and I was just so goddam tired. I walked downstairs and my husband immediately ushered me into bed and promised to take care of our mini person while I tried to sleep and process everything that had happened to me and my body over the last 5 days. For some bizarre reason, the weeks that followed I wanted to get back to 'me' as quickly as possible. I was obviously elated with our little one, and of course, in those early weeks, all he did was sleep so I went about doing things that were my normal. For example, two weeks after he was born, I was sat in a local café, him in his pram sleeping and I was sat doing my accounts! I felt accomplished, like I had it nailed! This motherhood thing was going to be a breeze! The months that followed I made it my mission to be out of the house nearly every single day. I did baby massage, baby sing and rhyme classes, baby yoga, baby swim classes… the list went on. I didn't want to miss ANYTHING. I would drive 80 miles to Manchester to see friends for lunch (we were living in North Wales at the time) and drive back with a screaming and overtired baby in the backseat. Friends would say to me, "You’re such a natural with motherhood", but the truth is, I didn't actually sit still long enough to actually relax and allow myself to recover. Nine months later, it caught up with me in a BIG way… viral meningitis. Followed by 6 months later

So why am I giving you this whole back story? Well because 11 months ago I had my daughter and this time around, my approach couldn't be more different. First of all, when you have a second, and your first is in school, you simply don’t have the time to say yes to everything as you did before. And because my eldest is now in school, I have a limited amount of time between the hours of 9am and 3pm to get shiz done, because from 3.15pm until 7.30pm it is bedlam in my house, with homework, dinner, afterschool activities, bath time and bedtime with two kids. So I have HAD to, HAD TO learn the art of saying 'No' to things which has been an absolute blessing for my health and sanity. Because this time around I am listening to what MY needs are before thinking about what I think I SHOULD be doing. This became apparent to me the first few weeks following the birth of number two, when every man and his dog wanted to 'come and see the baby'. First time around. I welcomed everyone with open arms, hosted lunches, baked cakes… this time around I bluntly but politely told people I wasn't ready and I would be in touch to say when I would be up to it. Those that already knew the deal would sweetly leave gifts for the baby on my doorstep without knocking. A friend of mine left a whole lasagne she had made so I didn't have to cook one night (friends like that by the way, are worth their weight in gold). Now, if I'm tired, I will actually nap when the baby sleeps. If I want to potter around and not leave the house all day, then I won't. Occasionally I will sit and watch Netflix when there is a sinkful of dishes because it's a little bit of selfcare here and there that means I can operate as a good Mum when I am needed to be. I have cancelled plans with friends last minute on more than one occasion because I just wasn’t up to it, and my friendships remain intact because they too are Mamas and know the reality of what it's like. So my advice to you, gorgeous beautiful Mama, is that you learn the art of saying 'No'. Because your baby will not care a jot if your cousin twice removed comes to visit in the immediate weeks that follow your labour. Nor will they care if you take them to all the baby classes under the sun. But what does matter is that you feel rested, happy, and content and doing whatever is required for you to feel those things. I’m sure that you’ve heard the phrase, “happy Mummy, happy baby”, but if I can give you any advice, it would be just that. Take care of you Mama, because you are too precious and amazing for you to do it any other way. 27

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Ways to say ‘no’ to others when you’ve just had a baby Good old Facebook... Post an announcement of your arrival and state that you are so excited to get to know your little one and looking forward to some much-needed rest as a family. Anyone who wants to come and visit should text or call first in advance to see whether you are open to accepting visitors. When you are ready, have a ‘Meet The Baby’ party, where for a few hours on a given day, friends and family can drop by. This doesn’t mean you have to go to extremes of hosting... a few nibbles and tea/coffee would be fine. After this date, you can close the doors, turn down requests to visit and focus on your own little family. Don’t announce you’ve had the baby until you feel ready to see anyone. If you are invited out for coffee, lunch or other similar, but don’t really feel ready to go, just simply say “Thank you so

much for thinking of me, but I’m just really focusing on resting and self-care at the moment but please think of me again next time you arrange something”

Further Information Rachael Broderick The Real Life Fit Facebook @thereallifefit Instagram @reallifefitblog Website www.thereallifefit.com

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How to Find Your Style Personality Hannah Shaw Personal & Corporate Image Consultant A woman’s wardrobe personality says who she is, and it's expressed by her style. Most of us lean toward one particular type of style personality, although we may sometimes wear styles that are more closely related to another.

lightweight knits. Your jewellery choices reflect your minimal look, and you tend to wear basic and durable accessories with footwear also focused on comfort.

This is great starting point to help you develop a clear image and description of your style and If you can confidently describe your style you’re sure to make purchases that are 100% you and reflect your style perfectly. There are six types style personalities listed below, which do you relate to the most?

You have effortless elegance, preferring an understated, timeless look with quality more important than quantity. You prefer simple styles that won’t date too quickly in neutrals or soft blended shades rather than bright colours and bold designs. You have a rather formal wardrobe and always look polished and put together. Your jewellery and accessory choices are not overbearing and are complimentary to your outfits without being the focal point.

Relaxed Style Personality

Creative Style Personalty

You have a relaxed, easy-going approach to your wardrobe and have a little interest in fashion. In fact, you will rarely sacrifice comfort for chic! Feeling comfortable in your clothes is most important to you, and your easygoing nature tends towards more casual outfits. Simple lines and designs are your preferred choices over anything too detailed or fussy. In keeping with this carefree attitude, you tend to buy only easy, wash and wear garments. You prefer fabrics such as denim, cotton jersey, and

Your way of dressing is innovative and individualistic, and you aren’t overly influenced by current trends or traditional rules. You use your clothing choices to reflect your personality and put together unique and interesting outfits with items purchased from varied sources. Different colours, textures, and prints fill your wardrobe, and your jewellery collection is bold while your footwear and accessories are usually statement-making.

Classic Style Personality

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“go through your wardrobe and get creative”

Dramatic Wearing the latest fashion takes precedence over comfort, and you are willing to give most new trends a go. This means your wardrobe consists of many different styles and one-off pieces ready to make a statement. Your look is striking and well thought out with added details providing the finishing touch to your look whether it be a bold lip colour or eye-catching shoe. You compliment your statement-making looks with jewellery and accessories in shiny metal finishes or bold one of a kind wearable art pieces.

happy is so important when it comes to style.A recent client of mine who had a 19 month old baby came to see me because she felt lost with who she was and this was starting to effect her confidence to the point where she didn’t want to leave the house. Once we established her style personality as ‘Dramatic’ she realised she had been dressing as a ‘Natural’ with a very relaxed approach to her style which was the complete opposite of who she was! This was an absolute game changer for my client, she realised it was ok to dress in her bright colours and bold prints and she no longer needed to dress to fit in certain situations. My advice, once you are clear on your personal style go through your wardrobe and get creative think about how you can bring through personality, for instance you could be a ‘Romantic’ lady who works in a corporate environment so pretty accessorises over a a blouse will bring out your feminine side. Or you might be a ‘Classic’ lady on maternity leave who really struggles to dress down but needs to dress for comfort so look at soft blazers with a fine knit polo neck tops to wear underneath. If you’re feeling creative Pinterest is a great way to create ideas for your personal style and give you inspiration.

Romantic You have a soft appearance and generally prefer flowing silhouettes and muted colours. Your clothing choices are pretty, and you love feminine details such as bows, ruffles, pleats, and lace. Even with simpler styles, you will most likely choose them in pretty colours or with decorative details, and you can never go past a floral print. Your footwear and accessory choices are delicate and minimal with fine necklaces and ballet flats among your staples. City Chic You put time and effort into the way you look, and you love accessories, sometimes spending more on bags and shoes than anything else in your wardrobe. You’ve likely experimented with most key styles, and while you follow trends, you generally shop with care and won’t buy into a trend that doesn’t compliment your existing wardrobe. You tend to avoid bright colours and go for a tone on tone look. Your jewellery choices reflect this minimal approach, either making a statement with a single accessory or balancing some more subtle pieces.

Further Information Hannah Shaw Facebook @hannahshawstyle Website www.hannah-shaw.co.uk

Understanding who you are and what makes you feel 30

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Post-Partum Exercise – The First 6 Weeks Lucy Georgiades Physiotherapist Knowing when to start exercising after birth and what types of exercise are safe at each stage can be a real challenge. If you aren’t sure what you are doing, or you didn’t know what to do so didn’t start and now your baby is no longer a baby, rest assured, it’s not your fault and it’s not too late! There is an overwhelming amount of information online, ranging from evidence- based research, to blogs, weight loss and tummy flattening strategies, to opinions which can be poles apart (and factually incorrect!). Trying to interpret this whilst under the influence of sleep deprivation without any background knowledge presents a minefield. Add to this the pressure from social media and magazines telling stories of how superwomen got their perfect bodies back in record time, it can be totally overwhelming and disheartening. This is not the time to compare yourself to others (is there ever a time when this is a helpful or empowering experience?); each journey to this point in time is different, from pre-pregnancy levels of fitness, to health and complications during pregnancy and birth experience. Your body is amazing and has grown the greatest gift , it deserves to be cut some slack if it doesn’t appear as if none of that ever happened.

function first, the looks will improve later in the process. Here are my top 4 exercise strategies for results that add value to daily life in a way that the bathroom scales and tape measures can only dream of. 1.

Whole mind and body workout

Recent birth, hormonal changes influencing pelvic stability, fatigue and interrupted sleep patterns all contribute to an increased risk of injury, therefore high impact activity should be avoided within the first 6 weeks. Low impact walking is the best way to get back into exercise post baby. Getting out of the house each day for a walk with the baby not only provides a gentle workout but also the opportunity to soak up the natural daylight, inhale the fresh air and enjoy any adult interaction that happens along the way, which will do wonders for mind wellbeing too. How much is the right amount for you, right now will vary to others, listen to your body as a guide in terms of fatigue and pain, not a fitness app suggesting you’ve burnt the equivalent calories to a bite of an apple, or pedometer that is telling you that you are yet to meet 10,000 steps for the day!

If you place your emphasis on helping your body heal and 31

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the ‘mummy tummy’ appearance. Crunches, planks, mountain climbers, Russian twists that focus on the superficial abdominal muscles can cause abdominal bulging and make things worse.

“this is not the time to compare yourself to others”

Pelvic floor essentials

Stretch and relax tense aching neck and shoulder muscles

Being in the same position holding a baby for any length of time to feed can result in tense, aching neck and shoulder muscles which long for a gentle stretch.

The pelvic floor basics are provided in leaflet form by midwives. In the early days when impact levels are

relatively low, bladder control issues may not be apparent and may only surface once higher impact is resumed. 3.

Restore the deep core

Restoring deep core muscles that have been progressively stretched through pregnancy will help settle an aching back which lets you know its unhappy every time you pick the baby up, turn over in bed, or try to sit up from standing or lying. Concentrating on this will contribute to reducing

Further Information Lucy Georgiades Facebook @lucygeorgiades 32

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Mum’s Guide to Holidaying in SpanishSpeaking Countries

Karen Greenwood Clear Steps Plus Education This Spanish phrase book has been created for Mums made by Mums. We have tried to think of the most important things we may need to communicate whilst on holidays in a Spanish-speaking country. Frases Útiles – Useful Phrases

¡Buenos días! = good morning

En el café – In the Café

¡Buenas tardes! = good afternoon

Quiero/quisiera = I want/I would like

¡Buenas noches! = good night

¿Cuánto cuesta? = How much is it?

¡Hasta luego! = see you later

La cuenta por favor = the bill please

¡Adiós! = bye

La carta por favor = the menu please

¿Cómo te llamas? = what is your name?

¿Tiene…? = do you have…?

Me llamo... = My name is...

Un vaso de = a glass of

Gracias = thanks

Una botella de = a bottle of

Por favor = please

Una cerveza = a beer

¿Por favor puede usted sacar una foto?= could you take a picture please?

Un vino = a wine

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Una insolación = sunstroke Una quemadura (de sol) = a (sun) burn

“¿Hay club infántil? = Is there a kids club?”

Fiebre = a temperature Urgencias – A & E

En El Hotel – At the Hotel Media pensión = half board Pensión completa = Full board Rosado/blanco/tinto = rosé/white/red Un café con leche – a white coffee Un té(con leche) = a tea with milk Una coca cola = a coke Una limonada = a lemonade Un helado = an ice-cream Soy vegetariano/a= I am vegetarian Soy celiaco/a = I am a celiac Tengo/tiene intolerantes al gluten = I am or s/he is gluten intolerant

En La Farmacia/Al médico = In the chemist/doctors ¿Tiene algo para…? = Do you have anything for…? Diarrea = diarrhea

Tenemos una reserva = we have a reservation ¿Hay aire acondicionado? = is there air con? ¿Hay ascensor? = is there a lift? ¿A qué hora es el desayuno/la comida/la cena? = what time is breakfast/lunch/dinner? Quiero una almohada extra = I want an extra pillow Hay bichos en la habitación = there are bugs in the room ¿Hay agua/minibar/ducha/balcón? = Is there a minibar/shower/balcony? ¿Hay toallas? = Are there any towels ¿Hay una caja fuerte? = Is there a safe? ¿Hay una secadora de pelo? = Is there a hair dryer? ¿Hay un espa? = Is there a spa? ¿Hay socorrista? = Is there a life guard? ¿Hay zona no fumadores? =Is there a no smoking area?

Las marreas = sickness

¿Hay animaciones para niños? = Is there children’s entertaiment?

Tengo alergias a ...= I am allergic to ...

¿Hay club infántil? = Is there a kids club?

Frutos secos = nuts

De viaje – Travel

Cacahuates = peanuts

¿Hay autobús al aeropuerto? = Is there a bus to the airport?

Huevos = eggs

¿Dónde se coge el autobús/el taxi? = where do we get the bus/taxi from?

Pescado = fish Mariscos = shellfish Tengo/Tiene = I have or s/he has una picadura = an insect bite

¿Hay excursiones a…? = are there trips to …?

Problemas = Problems He perdido mi pasaporte = I’ve lost my passport 34

He perdido mi billetero/monedero/bolso = I’ve lost my wallet/purse/bag Me han robado el pasaporte/billetero etc = I have had my passport/wallet etc. Stolen If you would like to find out more about Spanish tuition sessions available to adults please go to our website www.clearstepsplus.co.uk

Further Information Alicia Hampson Clear Steps Plus Education Facebook @clearstepsplus Website www.clearstepsplus.co.uk

Book Review – Yankee Girl by Mary Ann Rodman Anna Connolly

I just finished this book and it was wonderful. Short chapters, simple writing style and a compelling story made it hard to put down. Set in Mississippi in the 1960s, the story is told through a young protagonist Valerie, who moves South when her FBI father is called to investigate the criminal acts and civil unrest following the integration of black children into white schools. Showing the skewed world through a child's eyes highlights the absurdity of the residence, but things go from the ridiculous to the sinister when a local black man dies. Think ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ meets ‘Mississippi Burning’. Each chapter is prefaced with a newspaper article from the time, which sets the mood perfectly. The historical setting is a great way of introducing big topics, such as racism, prejudice and privilege, to older children. A lovely book for mums and young readers to share together, but it is also well written enough for mums to enjoy alone. ★★★★★

The Mum Checklist As Mums we totally neglect ourselves so here’s a little checklist for you. TODAY: •

Brush teeth twice

•

Take vitamins or medicines

•

Eat well

•

Drink your water

•

Do some exercise or take a walk

THIS WEEK: •

Take time out for yourself

•

Chat with friends

•

Check your breasts for any changes

•

Spend time with loved ones and partners

•

Get outside and get some fresh air

DON’T FORGET: •

Health checks with your GP

•

Dental check ups

•

Regular opticians appointments

•

Regular smear tests

Looking after yourself means that you are able to look after your children and your family better. So if you forget to look after you, then we’ve got you covered xx 36

We want to hear from you! Like what you see? Want to be part of our community? Have something you would like to contribute? You can contact us on: Facebook @mumsinmindorg Instagram @mumsinmind Twitter @mumsinmind2 Email mumsinmindorg@gmail.com

Thank You Thank you to the wonderful authors and contributors who have been patient whilst we had a few bumps in bringing this magazine to life. Thank you to Cerys Owen (Confident Beauty https://www.facebook.com/confidentbeautyuk/) for doing our wonderful make up for the photo shoot. Thank you to Natalia Nizynska (Natural by Natalia https://m.facebook.com/naturalbynatalia/) for our amazing profile photographs in the magazine. Thank you to Helen Louise Adams for her pampering at the launch party. You can find Helen here: https://m.facebook.com/tropicnorthwest/ Thank you to Kate Brown for her holistic therapy taster that she gave out at the launch party. Kate can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/calmathome/ Thank you to Shaun Browne for speaking to us at the magazine launch party. A really inspirational and motivational speaker. Thank you to my hubby, Steven Coupe, for being my rock and picking up the slack whilst I’ve been working on the magazine…. and lastly, to my boys who are the reason I’m doing this and why I created Mums in Mind.

Mums in Mind Facebook @MumsinMind Instagram @mumsinmind Twitter @mumsinmind2 Email mumsinmindorg@gmail.com