Mums in Mind Magazine - Issue 2

Relax. Relate. Recharge.

Issue Two – April 2019 £3.99

2

Welcome to Issue Two

Letter from the Editor Victoria Coupe Hello!

Welcome to issue 2 of the Mums in Mind Magazine.

It definitely seems like it was only yesterday that I was getting ready for the very first issue. This issue has a kind of spring theme. We’re looking at the colours that we should wear to brighten our wardrobes, how to seek and save on your summer holidays, mood lifting smells, and a variety of ways to really look after yourself.

Mums in Mind is about showing you that you are not alone on your journey through motherhood, that’s its okay not to be okay and that no matter how old or young your children are, that there is always a way to help you find a solution to a problem.

My motherhood journey has been far from an easy path so far and I totally appreciate that time is precious and that there never seems to be enough of it in a day. The problem with this is we then leave no time for us. We forget that we are role models ourselves and that we should show our children how important it is to put our own needs on the same level as everyone else’s in the family. Yes, I hear your laughs, your disbelief in this sentiment but never forget that You Are Amazing and even Wonder Woman needed a day off.

Enjoy our second issue and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Love, Tor xx mumsinmindorg@gmail.com

Say hello!

Website: https://busimums.co.uk/listing/mums-in-mind-magazine/ Facebook: @mumsinmindorg Instagram: @mumsinmind Twitter: @mumsinmind2 Email: mumsinmindorg@gmail.com

3

Contents

Five Reasons Why You Need a Regular Massage ................................ 5

Night-Time Fears and Solutions ......................................................... 7

How Do I Get Started on My Fitness Journey? .................................... 9

Make Your Own: Homemade Organic Lotion ..................................... 11

How Food Shapes Your Mood ............................................................ 12

Savvy Holidays – Home or Away ........................................................ 14

Don’t Be Fooled by the Social Media Mama ....................................... 16

Colour Me Happy ............................................................................... 18

The Truth About Mum-Tums ............................................................. 21

Hypnobirthing Huh? ........................................................................... 23

Book Review – The 7 Secrets of Happiness ......................................... 25

Handling Hormones (and Teaching Your Kids to Do it Too!) ............... 26

Cross Your Legs When You Sneeze? .................................................. 28

Twenty-Year Incontinence ................................................................. 30

Introducing Child Authors to the World .............................................. 31

Who the Hell am I? ............................................................................. 33

Get Creative with Your Journalling ..................................................... 36

Using Essential Oils to Support Your Emotions .................................. 38

Coping With Sight-Loss as a Mum ...................................................... 40

Agony Mum! ...................................................................................... 43

The Mum Checklist ............................................................................ 45

With Thanks ....................................................................................... 46

4

1 2

Five Reasons Why You Need a Regular Massage

Kate Brown Calm at Home / Calm at Work Massage is a treat, right? An indulgence for a special occasion. Well, actually, no.

1. Sleep

Having regular massage means that your mind will start to switch off during massage quicker each time. This may mean you fall asleep during your massage (immediate sleep win, and the greatest compliment to pay your massage therapist!). But it also means that as your mind becomes accustomed to letting go, it becomes easier to recreate this at night, when you actually want to sleep.

We’re starting strong! As a mum of two myself, I know exactly how sleep deprivation feels. Physical and mental exhaustion that you somehow manage to function through. Waiting for the moment you can head back to bed and the chance (however small!) of sleep.

Being able to relax your body and mind at will is something of a skill. It comes in useful not only when you want to sleep, but when dealing with any of the plethora of emotions raising children can elicit! My top tip in these situations is to ‘Remember to Breathe’.

And that’s often when the most annoying thing occurs – your own mind decides THIS is the time to start questioning you about how a hydrofoil works! So, how on earth does massage help here?

2. Emotional release

Here are some of the lesser-known benefits of massage, and just some of the reasons why regular holistic massage is an essential in my life.

During massage you have time for you. Time in which your muscles are worked and relaxed. Time in which to physically be in one place, warm and in peace. Time in which your mind can do whatever it wants. Let it wander.

Let it ask you ‘What’s going on with your arm now?’ Let it ask you ALL its inane questions. And notice how it starts to listen to the music, and then it isn’t even doing that.

As a holistic massage therapist, I treat the whole person, not just the tight shoulder that made someone book a session with me. Physically the cause of the tight shoulder may well be in a muscle of the shoulder – but it can also be due to referred pain or a muscle issue elsewhere, like lower down the back. And while the pain is in all likelihood due to a muscular issue, it’s important to get an idea of what may have caused this.

I know my lower back was shot twisting with a weight as I

5

4 3

lifted my youngest child in and out of her car seat multiple times a day. Being aware of how the injury was caused, and putting in place ways to avoid a reoccurrence once it’s healed, is important.

Parasympathetic is all about ‘rest and digest’. When one is stimulated, the other is taking a break. These two work in exact opposition to each other, and a balance between the two is important.

Physical pain can however have an emotional cause. A tight chest and pain in the upper back can be due to grief, for example. The physical release of muscle tightness and tension can often be accompanied by an emotional release.

This is totally normal. An awareness of the feelings massage can release is important for understanding how your body copes with strong, often repressed, emotions. Refusal to feel has physical, as well as mental consequences. Massage is one way to help release, and feel, in a safe space.

However, most of us spend most of our time with a highly active Sympathetic system. We are overstimulated with technology, multitasking, media telling us how unsafe the world is. And then you add on the pressures of mum-ing, and well, is it any wonder we feel frazzled and can’t sleep?

As mums it can sometimes feel like we’re so busy looking after other people’s physical and emotional needs, that our own never get a look in. It’s really important to remember that we can’t pour from an empty cup. Regular massage gives you the time and space to reconnect your body and mind. To check in with yourself. To ask yourself how you’re physically and emotionally feeling, and to listen to the answer.

3. Immune support I have yet to meet a mum who hasn’t had a bodily secretion (snot, sick, wee, pooh) deposited in her face by her own offspring. Apart from our own childhoods, our children’s childhoods are probably the most ill we’ve ever been, with the coughs, colds and stomach bugs selflessly shared around the household.

Massage is thought to support the immune system because it encourages the production of white blood cells. White blood cells are your immune cells. They’re the ones that will identify and attack the viruses, bacteria and fungi that cause illness in the body. They tend to hang out in the lymphatic system and lymph nodes, as well as the blood stream.

The lymphatic system, unlike the blood system, doesn’t have a pump to keep it moving, relying mainly on muscle contraction. This can mean that lymph can pool in certain areas. Lymph also contains toxic waste products. Massage encourages the movement of lymph around the body, bringing oxygen and nutrients to muscles, removing the waste products, and helping the white blood cells move round the body to identify any illness inducing invaders. And all of this means a faster immune response.

4. Rest and Digest For most of us the idea of eating a warm meal, two handed, at a leisurely pace is just a distant memory. Massage is not the time to fulfill this particular dream! So let me elaborate.

We all have two parts of our autonomic nervous system (the nervous system not under our voluntary control). The Sympathetic side does our ‘fight or flight’ response, while the

Enter massage! Massage helps to increase the stimulation of the Parasympathetic Nervous System, thereby allowing the Sympathetic Nervous System to take a break. As a result, blood pressure is reduced, heart rate is reduced, adrenaline and cortisol (the stress hormones) levels drop and oxytocin (the social bonding and pain reducing hormone) levels rise. It’s these hormonal and neurological effects that help us to feel so relaxed and calm at the end of a massage.

5. A youthful complexion Massage encourages blood flow to all areas, including the skin. An increased blood flow brings an increase in oxygen and nutrients for all the cells. As massage can move out knots and tension that can block effective blood flow, areas that may have been starved of oxygen and nutrients, while wallowing in waste products and toxins, are now revived.

This gives a more youthful appearance as dark circles and dull skin give way to a bright and glowing complexion.

Dead skin cells are also removed due to the friction of the hands, giving a healthier appearance to the skin. Massage encourages new cells into the top layers of skin and increases sebum production which softens the skin and makes it suppler.

All the benefits of massage are cumulative, meaning that the more often you have massage, the greater the benefits will be. Who doesn’t want all of this?

See Kate’s video on breathing at http://tinyurl.com/kateMIM

Further Information

Kate is a holistic massage therapist and founder of Calm at Work and Calm at Home. She is married with two girls and loves walking, especially in the countryside.

Website: www.calmatworktherapy.com Facebook: @calmatwork / @calmathome Instagram: @calmatworkltd / @calmathome Email: kate@calmatworktherapy.com

6

1 2

Night-time Fears and Solutions

Francesca Adinolfi The Sleep Consultant

Parenting means that you will have to fight invisible monsters and dragons ,scary shadows and night time worries . What feels normal for us is often a big worry for our little ones. But why do most of these fears surface at night time?

Fear of the dark and monsters, or simply anxiety associated with going to bed, are very common in young children; us parents will make the difference in the way we address these fears and offering them the reassurance they need.

Put your feet in your child ‘s shoes; he is growing, he doesn’t know so many things and when you lay in bed in the dark your mind switches off but at the same time your senses sharpen.

I remember being little and laying in my bed and any noise sounded worse than what it was, and shadows from the nightlights were like monster hovering over me. It was scary and overwhelming!

Let’ s see what we can do to help our children sleep better and let go of the anxiety the night fears might bring.

First, analyse the situation: what is your child afraid of?

Ask them open questions and don’t make fun of the answers.

It isn’t a pleasant experience for them and they are obviously distressed. The more you ask the more you ‘ll know what to do. The fear is real for your child, it might be a silly thing but

for them it is a huge scary thing.

Offer reassurance. Help your child to understand that there isn’t anything to be worried about, and that they don’t need to come in your bed. They will be safe in their room. Tuck them in and tell them they are safe in their environment.

When your child calls you again do exactly the same thing.

This will be very important because it teaches them they can trust their bed and their room. Be kind but firm. Listen, reassure and leave.

I wouldn’t recommend that you stay in your child’s room unless they are extremely frightened, also is not advisable to take him into another room either; if you really have to, it is better for you to join them.

Going on a monster hunt can be on the cards when they are scared, but I would suggest you keep it real. Show him that the shadows are made by the night-light and maybe you could try to change the position of the light. If it makes them happy you could try to introduce a monster spray – just a small bottle of water with a spray head that they feel will help them to fight the monster by themselves… a bit of magic can help sometimes. Worry dolls or boxes are also great tools; the child will tell or draw what is worrying him and the box will eat the worry away. The dolls are a good

7

4 3

“Worry dolls are great tools”

idea if you want them to express their feelings and talk more about it then they can put it under their pillow and send it away with the sleep.

You could tell your child that you will check on him in intervals and slowly build up the stretch between them.

things in a different way.

Place both hands on your belly and show your child how to do that. Exhale all the air out your lungs through your nose, then inhale through your nose slow and strong right down into your belly pushing your hands softly outwards.

Daytime is an important time to build your child’s selfconfidence. Use games that will make them feel secure and confident. Asking them to talk about their fear during the day can help them process the worry. You could also introduce a worry box where they can write or draw their worry and send it away.

Exhale again, all of that air. Inhale thoroughly. Keep moving your hands with your breath, up and down, up and down.

The bedtime routine should be a happy time, so don’t remind him of his worry and fear. Keep it light, don’t let him watch anything on TV that can scare him at least 60 minutes before bedtime. Allow him to have a security object like a special teddy or anything that can help him settle. Also night-lights are good to help keep monsters at bay.

Remember that this won’t last forever and you will be able to be back into your normal routine very quickly if you haven’t overcompensated. Give them a big hug, tuck them in bed and respond to their needs when you have to.

Positive reinforcement and rewards are very helpful at this stage. For example, a special prize can be agreed between you and your child if he has completed his reward chart. Make it simple; start with 2 nights and small rewards (a special sweet treat or a small toy). Increase the nights with time and give a reward for example every week.

Be patient and be a model of behaviour for them. Your listening skills will come in handy; the more your child talks about it the easier it will be to beat their fears. When your child comes to you to let you know that they are scared, be sensitive and calm and responsive.

Remind them of situations that make them feel happy and safe. For example, encourage them to think about playing with their favourite toy or pet, and tell them how brave they are.

Teach your child how to relax. Consider taking a class together; maybe yoga or family meditation. Or simply practice some deep breathing exercises together during the day that will help recreate this at night when they are likely to be more upset. Breathing is very important; we often forget to breathe. Breathing helps us slow down, recharge and view

Breathing is important because our cells constantly need a new supply of oxygen so they can produce energy.

If you are struggling with your child’s sleep and you would like some help I would be very happy to assist you on your journey.

Further Information

Francesca is a busy mum of two. She lives in Hampshire in a lovely little village. In her spare time she loves to read books, cook and learn new skills. She can often be found wrapped in a blanket reading her favourite book on the sofa.

Facebook @Francesca-The-Sleep-Consultant580568352329707/

8

1 2

How Do I Get Started on My Fitness Journey? I’m Feeling Overwhelmed!

Laura Bland Laura B Fitness Coach & Mentor Probably one of the most frequently asked questions I get when people approach me about embarking on a fitness journey is “how or where do I get started?” There is so much choice available to us now that it can be a little daunting and for some people that alone can be enough to stop them in their tracks and make them forget about improving their health and fitness.

Fitness classes in your local community – if where you live is anything like where I am you will find a number of different classes right on your doorstep. Popular ones in my area include: Yoga, Zumba, Bums and tums, Pilates plus a few others. Many people enjoy a group environment and it can be a fantastic way to connect with other likeminded people in your local community.

So, lets take a look at a few of the options available:

Running – this is close to my heart as I love to run. Many people will turn to running as an easy and cheap way to start making changes to their fitness. Apps like ‘couch to 5K’ are a great way for beginners to start and not over do it too quickly. Running can be a really convenient way to get and stay fit, you can lace up your trainers, step out of your front door and just go. Do remember though to invest in a good pair of trainers if you are going to be running on a regular basis.

A traditional gym membership – great for so many different reasons. You can usually take part in a range of different group classes, instructors in the gym will be able to advise you on how to use the equipment available and they may also be able to put together a plan for you to follow. Depending on the type of gym there may also be other facilities that you get access to such as a pool.

A personal trainer – working with someone on a 1:1 basis can be a great way to achieve your goals. You are likely to get a customised program that fits your goals and you have someone that can answer your questions as and when they crop up. Personal trainers often work out of gyms or may offer boot camp type sessions. There are usually plenty around to choose from so make sure you do your research and find someone that has good reviews.

Home workouts – perhaps the most flexible option available right now, one that has been around for decades but has changed and evolved. Traditionally home workouts meant investing in a couple of DVDs’ and doing them in your living room, repeating the same routine over and over again. Now you can use You Tube to find a different workout every day that you can do at home. You can kit out a spare room or garage with as much equipment as you

9

4 3

want to from running machines, to hand weights, to rowers, to weighted hula hoops and everything else in between.

So how do you decide which option is for you? There are lots of things to consider that can all help you to decide, think about the following: •

•

What would you like to achieve? o

Improve fitness

o

Weight loss

o

Health reasons

o

Work on your nutrition

o

Get the whole family more active

What budget do you have? o

Do you want to invest in equipment?

•

How often are you able to work out?

•

Will you need child care if you want to attend the gym or a class?

•

Do you enjoy being outside? Will either hot weather or cold weather out you off running?

•

Do you have transport to get to a gym/classes?

All of these can help to guide you in the direction that will work for you, and we are each different so what works for one may not work for another and I guarantee that over time you will change and evolve and what you like and want will also change and evolve. I know this because I have been there.

Before I had my daughter, I was a gym bunny, I would get up early in the morning and hit the gym spending time on the treadmill or in swimming lengths in the pool. After work I’d head back to the gym and spend time a couple of evenings a week doing classes. At the height of my gym use I was probably spending between 10 1 15 hours a week there doing various workouts, but with no kid and no partner my time was my own.

When I changed jobs the gym I was a member at was no longer on my route to and from work, so I started to go less often and soon realised that I was not getting any value out of my £40 a month membership. I eventually stopped going and cancelled.

Fast forward to a little weight gain and the desire to meet someone and I took up running. I downloaded the Couch to 5K app and off I went. Sometimes I would run alone and sometimes with a friend. In general I enjoyed it and would get out 2-3 times a week for up to an hour at a time.

Fast forward again and my circumstances had changed significantly. I had a toddler and a disabled partner who was physically unable to look after our daughter on his own, but I also had A LOT of pregnancy weight and also what I like to call my ‘complacency’ weight to lose. This time I enlisted the help of my dad to babysit my daughter and my partner whilst I went off and saw a PT twice a week.

This was an eye opener – our sessions were never more than 45 minutes long just twice a week, but I was getting results.

However, it was expensive and I couldn’t ask my dad to babysit indefinitely so after 3 months that phase came to an end too.

So, I had tried the gym, I’d done swimming and group classes, I’d been a runner and I’d seen a PT and whilst I loved every single one of them at the time and for different reasons none of them fit my ‘now’ life.

Then came home workouts! The most flexible convenient way to work out for me and it’s what I’ve now been doing for 2 years. No child care issues, no time wasted travelling to the gym and I get to be a visible role model for my daughter, she sees me working out and she joins in when she wants to.

You can start with zero equipment, you can search you tube for workouts to follow, you can start by doing a few squats and lunges every time you enter a specific room in your house, you can google and do a ‘plank challenge’, the options are endless.

Eventually you may also want to work with a coach, this is someone that can help to guide you with the workouts that will help you smash your goals, they can also be there to encourage you and motivate you on the days when you just don’t feel like it. I’m now an online fitness coach myself because I’ve seen so many benefits from it and I wanted to be able to share that with others.

We only get one shot at life, it is never too late to make a change and get fitter and healthier.

Laura is a busy mum of one, a number 1 best selling author and her mission is to empower women through health and fitness. Her everyday goal is to be a great role model to her daughter and show her that with hard work she can achieve her dreams.

Website address: www.laurabfitnessmentor.com Facebook: @laurabfitnesscoach Instagram: @laurabfitnesscoachandmentor 10

Make Your Own

Handmade Organic Lotion

Donna Haston The Holistic Way Not only good for your body, but budget friendly too!

INGREDIENTS: 100ml (3oz) Almond or Olive oil 1.5oz Coconut oil 1.5oz Beeswax – pure 2.5 ml (50 drops) Essential oils Optional – half teaspoon vitamin E oil (will prolong shelf life) UTENSILS: Double boiler or a dish over boiling water Whisk or Hand Blender Plastic or metal spatula Amber glass jar METHOD: 1. Melt the Beeswax & coconut oil in the double boiler on a low heat, then add the remaining oil, do not boil & stir for 1 minute.

2. Leave to cool for 1 minute bore adding the essential oils.

3. Whisk the mixture until it becomes thicker, don’t whisk too much as the lotion will become too solid when it sets.

4. Transfer to jar & leave to set.

The lotion has a shelf life of 3 months, if Vitamin E oil is added it will prolong it to approx. 6 months.

Please keep the lotion in amber or coloured glass jar to protect the essential oils.

A blend of Lavender & Chamomile will not only keep your skin soft & healthy by helping most skin conditions but also relax you, calming your body and a great help to sleepless nights. (Pregnancy friendly after 3 months.)

Frankincense will not only keep you grounded & calm during the day but beneficial to ageing skin, can reduce wrinkles, ease inflammation & help reduce stretch marks. (Pregnancy friendly.)

Further Information

Mum to a 7 year-old quirky little man. A qualified Aromatherapist for 16 years, with a love of the natural world, and a passion for watching the sun setting at the beach.

Facebook: @TheHolisticWay Instagram: @HolisticWayUK Email: holisticway@mail.com 11

1 2

How Food Shapes Your Mood

Louise Mercieca The Health Kick What’s the link with food and mood?

Well, obviously we all need to eat to stay alive and our moods alter throughout each day depending on our activities and circumstances. Can food really alter the way we feel? Yes, indeed it can, but often there’s a much bigger emotional attachment to food and sometimes this relationship can be an unhealthy one leading to feelings of guilt and fear over food.

Let’s start by being kind to ourselves. As Mums we often put our needs at the bottom of the ‘ To Do List’ and will gladly (without thought) put everyone else’s needs ahead of our own, but I now want you to take some time to read this and think about your relationship with food – it’s important!!

Being kind – when it comes to food what does that mean?

Well, it might not be what you think it is! Being kind to yourself with food doesn’t necessarily mean having that large piece of cake but similarly it doesn’t mean beating yourself up if you do – let’s see why: - Emotional eating, for example reaching for that piece of cake to be kind to ourselves, is really a case of us trying to realign our neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) to make us feel better.

Our amazing bodies are capable of controlling our mood ranging from happy and alert to sad, sleepy and angry plus everything in between when we need to, it’s perfectly normal to feel all of these emotions but it’s better when we feel them naturally.

So, if I am feeling sad will a piece of cake make me happy?

Momentarily yes when the sugar and fat combine in a heady mix releasing a short burst of serotonin. But, pretty soon after that the artificially manufactured serotonin will diminish causing a crash of both blood sugar and emotions.

So how does that really leave us feeling? Probably a bit more miserable than when we started and we don’t want that!

Another little secret? Feeling bad about what you have eaten will make you stressed. Stress increases cortisol (our stress hormone). Cortisol increases abdominal fat. Viscous cycle number one with emotional eating.

Viscous cycle number two = feeling tired, can’t relax, “I think I’ll have a glass of wine to help me relax so I can sleep”.

Wine = disturbed sleep = increase in Ghrelin (hunger hormone) the following day. Ghrelin craves high sugar and high fat carbohydrates which spike blood sugar making 12

4 3

relaxing more difficult the following eve (and we have craved carbs all day!). What happens the next night? “I think I’ll have a glass of wine to help me relax so I can sleep” and repeat cycle!!

with foods liked to mood, concentration, sleep and behaviour (for adults and children in my book).

I have absolutely nothing against cake and definitely nothing against wine! Believe me there are times it is needed, but I want people to be in control of these not the other way around!

Regulating mood: eggs, nuts, green leafy veg, salmon, cottage cheese, bananas

Now, let’s look at how to effectively balance food and mood so that we are in control: -

Sleep: tomatoes, cherries, cottage cheese

Motivating: Dark chocolate, banana, seeds and nuts

Adults and children are biologically not that different so the chemical effect of food on children is the same – try some melatonin boosting foods if they struggle to be sleepy at bedtime!

•

Don’t deny yourself things genuinely you only want them more!

•

Drink water to hydrate (most people are dehydrated and nearly all other drinks are empty calories)

•

Eat mindfully so that you can actually taste and enjoy food

•

Memory: Eggs, Fish, Cottage Cheese, lentils

Protein. Make sure you eat enough protein!

Protein is made up of amino acids, these are the components which are essential to all areas of our health. Often an amino acid will help to create neurotransmitters (the things which alter our mood, making us happy, alert, calm, motivated, sleepy etc) the amino acids you need to eat are:

Tyrosine to create dopamine Tryptophan to make serotonin Tyrosine to make norepinephrine Choline to make acetylcholine.

These neurotransmitters in turn affect your happiness, mood stability, mental alertness, sleep and memory.

Where to find them?

You don’t need to go dashing off to an obscure expensive shop, try these foods as a start but there is a full listing

Of course, this is a fairly simplistic view of food and mood and our relationship with food. Food is not a reward, nor is it a punishment. Food is fuel. Food is nourishment. The right food makes the world of difference.

In my work I encourage women who have a damaged relationship with food to learn to love what their body is capable of and to understand the role of food. I do not deny myself any food I enjoy but I do always ask myself; “Is this worth eating?” is it full of fat/sugar but I know I will enjoy it, then I will eat it. If it is full of fat/sugar/chemicals/sweeteners/trans-fats and will make me feel slightly sick and potentially do me some harm then, no it is not worth eating it. The key is not to restrict items that you then crave but to understand food enough to crave the right items, this puts YOU in charge of YOUR body.

Further Information

Louise is a busy mum to 5 year-old Owen, the inspiration for her book How Food Shapes Your Child. She talks regularly in the media about how food impacts on health.

When not cooking, eating, writing about or talking about food Louise can often be found out running!

Website: www.louisemercieca.co.uk Facebook: @The.Health.Kick Instagram: @thehealthkick_louise Twitter:@louisemercieca1 Email: louise@thehealthkick.co.uk

13

1 2

Savvy Holidays – Home or Away

Rebecca McWilliam The Purple Piggybank This time of year, really fills me with joy, winter is finally behind us, we can (just about) confine our warm coats to the back of the wardrobe, stroll through woodlands awash with bluebells and wonder how the heck we are going to keep the kids entertain for two weeks over the school holidays without spending a small fortune! Many of us are also planning our summer holiday, yay!

protection through ATOL or ABTA. Giving you piece of mind.

Read on to find out how to do both without breaking the bank.

How to Get the Best Deals on Package Holidays

How to Slash the Cost of Your Summer Holiday If you haven’t already booked your summer holiday your most likely thinking about it, especially with the gorgeous weather we have had of late. I love to bag a bargain, as you know I don’t like to pay full price for anything and that includes holidays! This guide looks at the best time to book, where to go, how to haggle and how to decide if you should go all inclusive.

Package or DIY If you are looking to book a traditional summer holiday of 7, 10 or 14 days it is generally cheaper to book a package holiday that includes accommodation, connections and flights. Package holidays also come with greater consumer

If you are looking to go away for a shorter or longer period, you will most likely be better off booking each part of your trip (flights, accommodation, connections etc.) through different companies.

Compare, Compare, Compare Choose where you want to go, then get an idea of the price you should be paying by checking comparison sites, tour operators and flash sale sites.

Be Flexible & Book Late for the Best Deals If you can be flexible with your holiday dates and have the nerve to wait until the very last minute to book, you could bag yourself a real bargain. Booking late is the cheapest way to get a package holiday. Tour operators buy holidays in advance, so they need to shift them; otherwise, they will lose money. The later you leave it, the further prices will drop - but this also means you need to be more flexible with dates and destinations. If you're not comfortable with 14

4 3

leaving it till the last minute, ‘late deals’ are available from 810 weeks before departure, giving you plenty of time to prepare.

some all-important time with your loved ones. Kids don’t care if you're in a five-star resort or staying on a campsite, it's about the memories you make not how much you spend.

Book Early

Free and Low-Cost School Holiday Activities

You can also get some fab special offers discounts if you book early. This is particularly good if you are looking for particular facilities.

It’s the school holidays and as I’m sure you are already aware, we have two weeks to keep our little angels entertained! Here’s a selection of low cost or free days out and activities to keep the kids entertain the kids during the holidays.

Go All Inclusive If you don’t mind eating in the hotel, all-inclusive holidays can offer great value. Sometimes for less than £50pp more, you can go all inclusive, making significant savings compared to what it would cost you to eat out.

Last Two Weeks of the Summer Holidays are Cheaper

National Trust Cadbury’s Easter Egg Hunt Easter just isn’t Easter without an Easter egg hunt! Head to your nearest National Trust property for a family day out and take part in a free Cadbury’s Easter Egg Hunt. Yummy!

Find your closest Cadbury's Easter Egg Hunt.

We all know how much prices jump in the summer holidays, but did you know that prices drop in the last two weeks? Most people want to go away at the beginning of the summer holidays; as a result, it’s the most expensive time. Book a holiday in the final two weeks and it could be considerably cheaper.

Junior Park Run

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Crafts and Activities

If your feeling adventurous, you can get some great deals on destinations that are off the beaten track or that aren't popular with the masses yet. Heading to Bulgaria instead of Spain, for example, could shave hundreds off the cost of your package holiday.

Stay home and get creative with fun crafts and activities from English Heritage. Head over to their website to discover their ‘how to’ videos and activity guides. School holiday crafts and activities.

Parkrun is a series of 5k runs held on Saturday mornings in areas of open space around the UK. They are open to all, free, and are safe and easy to take part in. Children aged between 4 and 14 can take part in junior parkrun events.

You can also save money by going to destinations such as Turkey, which due to political tensions has wained in popularity. (Always check foreign office travel advice before you book)

Another amazing website where you will find thousands of colouring pages, kids crafts, educational resources, puzzles, printables and lots more fun activities for kids is the Activity Village.

How to Haggle

Visit a Nature Reserve

Step 1 - Select your perfect holiday within your price range and write down as many details as you can, including the name of the tour operator.

The school holidays are the perfect time to head to a local nature reserve. They will be blooming with spring flowers and plenty of wildlife. Many also host their ownschool holiday events. Head over to the RSPB website to find your local reserve.

Step 2 - Call up travel agents and ask if they can beat the quote you have. Call a few different ones to see who can beat it and negotiate in price per person, not total cost.

Step 3 - Call the tour operator directly and see if they can beat the price.

Step 4 - If the tour operator can beat it, go back to the travel agent and give them the opportunity to match the price.

Good Luck!

Finally…….

And most importantly, book a holiday that you can comfortably afford. Holidays are a time to relax and enjoy

Further Information

Rebecca is a busy mum and writer who loves to help people save money and make money. In her spare time, she’s an adrenalin junkie who loves to climb mountains!

Facebook: @thepurplepiggybank Instagram: @rebecca_mcwilliam 15

1 2

Don’t be Fooled by the Social Media Mama

Rachael Broderick The Real Life Fit Blog We've all done it. You probably did it first thing this morning. Some of you prefer to do it just before you go to sleep at night. Or perhaps you are a bit more mindless and just randomly do it through the day - in your lunch break or when you nip to the bathroom for some alone time. I'm talking about scrolling through social media...(er, what did you think I was talking about?!)

When I sat down to write this piece, I decided to do some 'research' and go on social media to see what I saw when I searched the hashtag 'Mummy'. Immediately I was hit with 5.3 million posts. 'Mommy' has 14 million. And of these millions of posts are thousands and thousands of perfectly curated, filtered and beautiful pictures. Pictures of Mums and daughters in matching outfits, laughing against bare brick walls and white-washed wooden floors; Mums-To-Be touching their beautiful bumps with letterboards saying how many weeks along they are; Mums and children taking afternoon tea together; cute gender-reveal pictures... It goes on and on. And while, yes, these are all beautiful moments to voyeur over, I am fairly confident that I can say that these pictures did not take a moment to capture. In fact, I'm sure there would have been many (hundreds!) of pictures taken to capture that one where everyone had their eyes open/the kids didn't have snot coming out of their noses/the lighting looked

perfect/the kids weren't screaming for another snack. I'm also pretty sure there will have been a few where the mum was saying through gritted teeth, "come on sweetheart, look at me and smile darling and Mummy will give you a biscuit straight after".

Social media for mums is a mixture of a blessing and a curse.

I speak from personal experience here. When I was home with my firstborn, at the time we lived in Wales and I didn't know many Mums in the area. I felt a little isolated and all my pre-child friends lived 80 miles away in Manchester.

Social media at that time for me was a way to connect with other Mums and find support in online communities and forums. These were the spaces that at 2 am in the morning, I felt comfortable asking without judgment whether it was okay to let my son cry for longer than 2 minutes so I could go to the toilet or whether I should just wear a Tena Lady and remain glued to him while he tried to sleep. Those communities and groups were my lifeline and reassured me that nobody really had their shit figured out. We were all just winging it, one day at a time and hoping that we all survived unscathed and without any trips to A&E. But I became aware of the other side of the social media 'Mummy' when I decided to start my own online blog on social media and quickly found myself falling down the 16

4 3

“online groups reassured me that nobody really had their shit figured out”

rabbit hole of mindless scrolling while I tried to find my own voice in the online space. I would find myself losing whole swathes of time looking at various Mummy pages and blogs that showed pictures of Mums just generally having their ish together. These mums were immaculate; contoured makeup (they had actually managed to put makeup on, but not only that, they had managed to do contouring... How? In gods name HOW had they found the time to do that?; cool clothes (not clothes that you generally pick up when you are in the supermarket getting nipple cream and nappies); and some of them were pushing very expensive prams in heels... HEELS! (WTF?!).

Then there were the accounts of Mums who were into beautiful interiors and Scandi-dressed homes, with varying tones of greys, dusky pinks or whatever the ontrend Pantone colours are this season. I would look at these pictures and then at my chaos of a house with a sink full of dishes, pieces of Lego in every corner and laundry on every radiator and think "where am I getting this so wrong?"

Anyone who has followed Celeste Barber on social media will be familiar with her parody style of mimicking fashionistas in her own real-life style (if you don't know who I'm talking about then type into Google her name and be prepared to lose an hour of your life laughing your ass off!). So when I personally decided to start my own online social media blog, I named it The Real Life Fit because it was just that. It's me attempting to workout and become healthy while I have 2 young children hanging off me, a dog that constantly barks and piles of laundry in the background. And personally, I feel we need MORE of this type of content on social media. Because this is how it really is. In this Insta-worthy generation that is growing up in our footsteps, I feel that sharing reality is my duty-ofcare to the next generation of Mums who grew up in the filtered and edited world of social media. Not only that, I am starting to become somewhat numb to this heavily filtered social media feed. I'm craving for some reality. So when I see a Mama posting a picture of herself dishevelled and tired, THAT grabs my attention. When I see a picture of a Mama cuddling her sleeping babe while sat on the

sofa still in her PJ's and she hasn't brushed her hair, THAT's what makes me jump for joy. The Mama who is grimacing in pain while she is breastfeeding and decides to share this with the world, I salute you and am giving you a virtual high-five through the screen. Because that openness and vulnerability as a Mum, means that we tell all other Mums that all you have to be is yourself. You don't need to edit, filter or crop your life to fit in. You are enough and we love you just the way you are.

Further Information

Rachael is a married 30-something mum of 2 feral children, who started her health & fitness blog to share a real-life perspective on keeping fit in a crazy household. She now runs a free online community called The Strong Mama Sisterhood to inspire and support Mums who want to eat better, move more and think stronger. When she’s not doing this or copious loads of laundry, she will be found drinking a G&T and dancing wildly to The Greatest Showman soundtrack in the kitchen.

Website www.thereallifefit.com Facebook www.facebook.com/thereallifefit Instagram @thereallifefitblog Email rachaelbroderick@outlook.com

The Strong Mama Sisterhood, free online community: www.thereallifefit.com/thesisterhood

17

1 2

Colour Me Happy

Hannah Shaw Image Consultant, Founder of Project You Dressing in clothes that work in harmony with your natural colouring can uplift your mood, your skin tone, your appearance and the way people perceive you.

The following guide will help you to define three characteriistics of your colouring – undertone, depth and clarity.

colouring with a warm undertone Monochromatic dressing in medium colours works well Avoid cool colours, especially pure white

• •

COOL

Your colouring: No evidence of warm undertone. Projects an ashy look with some strength. Ashy, rosy, pink tones

UNDERTONE

Hair: Ash brown medium to dark, Deep ash blonde

WARM Your colouring: You may project total warm golden glow and have no evidence of cool undertone.

Hair: Warm brown, golden brown, auburn, chestnut, red, strawberry, warm blonde lights

Eyes: Cool - blue, blue- green, grey, grey-blue, brown, rosebrown or grey-brown Skin: Shows pink, beige or rose beige How to wear colours: • •

Eyes: Green, hazel, topaz, golden, brown, teal, blue-green Skin: Golden beige, ivory or very pale, often with freckles How to wear colours: •

• •

Look for cool, blue based colours Monochromatic dressing in medium colours works well Avoid to deep colours together Avoid all warm and golden tones

Try to reflect the warmth of your natural 18

4 3

DEPTH DEEP Your colouring: Projects a powerful appearance, with vivd colouring or strong contrast between skin and hair.

You may have a cool or a warm undertone Hair: Dark brown, deep chestnut, auburn, black.

Eyes: Dark brown, deep hazel, deep green, green/olive or very dark blue.

Skin: Not obviously warm or cool, could be olive or beige How to wear colours: • • • •

Avoid light or pastel colours on their own Monochromatic dressing in deep colours works well You can wear two deep colours together Always combine light or bright colours with a deep tone

LIGHT Your colouring: Projects a look of fragility and lightness.

Delicate, fair with little contrast between hair and skin.

May show evidence of cool or warm undertone.

Hair: Light, medium or dark grey, occasionally blonde.

Hair maybe bright e.g. platinum silver Eyes: Bright and jewel-like, blue, green, turquoise, bluegreen, steely grey Skin: Often light, with a translucent quality. Ivory, porcelain, beige and sometimes ruddy or golden.

How to wear colours:

Hair: Blonde (ash or golden), light to medium brown (ash or golden) lightens easily in the sun Eyes: Blue, Blue-grey, light hazel, blue green

• • • •

Avoid all muted dusky shades Aim for high contrast always Can wear two bright colours together Avoid a dark monochromatic look

Skin: Light, delicate look. Light ivory or beige, peach (warm) or pink (cool). Sometimes pale

MUTED

How to wear colours:

Your colouring: A look of softness with strength, with little of no contrast between the eyes, skin and hair.

• • • •

Avoid deep colours close to the face, especially black Aim for medium to light contrast Always combine a deep of light colour with a bright Monochromatic dressing in medium - light colours works well

CLARITY

Hair: Ash brown/blonde. Golden brown/blonde Eyes: Most often hazel, medium to dark brown, green or teal Skin: Often absence of colour. Freckles or ruddiness prevalent.

How to wear colours: • •

BRIGHT Your colouring: Projects a bright, sparkling look, particularly in the eyes. High contrast between hair and skin, possibly with dark eyebrows creating contrast. Clear skin with evidence of warm and cool tones.

•

Avoid all bright, strong colours Aim for a blended effect and avoid high contrast with colours Monochromatic dressing in medium colours works well

19

5

Hannah’s Top Tips for Adding Colour

1. Have a look through your wardrobe, can you see a pattern of certain colours?

Try some items on and really look at yourself to see how you feel.

2. If you find anything that doesn’t feel quite right, you may feel washed out or that you look a little tired, try my colour rescue tip and add a necklace or a scarf (anything close to your face) and see the difference; how does it make you feel?

3. Accessories are a great way of injecting colour into your wardrobe; create a system for all your jewelry.

Look through your scarves and keep them all together on hangers in your wardrobe.

4. To add a pop of colour to your wardrobe, swap your neutral blazer for a colourful one; Zara’s new collection are just divine and very reasonably priced.

5. Getting dressed should be fun and creative, making you feel bright, happy and confident.

As mums we put ourselves after everybody else in the family so why not plan your outfit the night before and aim to start your day a bright and colourful one.

Further Information

Hannah recently moved to Cheshire with her family and has a slight obsession with all the gorgeous boutiques around her. She is passionate about helping women dress more confidently and define a style for them that works for their lifestyle and personality.

Website: https://hannah-shaw.co.uk Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HannahShawStyle/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hannahshawstyle/ Email: www.Hannah@Hannah-Shaw.co.uk

If you would like to understand more about your colour pattern, Hannah is offering a 20% discount on colour consultations for ‘Mums in Mind’ group members. Just quote ‘Mums in mind’ when you contact her.

20

1 2

The Truth About Mum Tums

Lucy Georgiades Lifestyles Physiotherapy & Pilates The ‘MummyTummy’ is a hot topic that isn’t showing any signs of cooling off any time soon! Check out any gathering of mums on social media and you can guarantee stumbling across discussions with the same recurring theme ‘why do I STILL look pregnant?!’, ‘what can I do to get RID of my tummy?’ and ‘is THIS normal?’

Whilst the social media mummy tribe at its very best provides a tight-knit supportive community, where no problem is considered off-topic, it also provides constant examples of ‘expected’ physical appearance; flat tummies and feminine six packs in designer gym gear or matching undies appear to be the norm. Then there’s the tummy transformation photos, from something similar to what you might be looking down at right now, to some sort of figure that was a dream pre-children, never mind now!

Having a mummy tummy is associated with a negative body image. It can understandably be difficult to take positivity from any of the replies to the above questions.

There are the few that chorus ‘I just sprung back into shape’ as if to say ‘so why haven’t you?’ Others suggest embracing the new look, but in a less than empowering tone ‘totally NORMAL, you’ve just had a baby’ which actually feels like it says ‘what did you expect?’, ‘don’t be vain’ or ‘aren’t you grateful for what your body has

provided?’ The advice suggested in forums often involves the recommendation of unrealistic heavy workouts or extreme diets, tablets or drinks that promise to eradicate ‘belly fat’.

Here I aim to share my perspective as the owner of my very own mummy tummy and as a physiotherapist, having seen all kinds of mummy bodies over the years. I aim to present the facts about the mummy tummy, known as diastasis recti and show you how to test if it is relevant to you. And if it is relevant, why you might want to do something about it.

Why do I STILL look pregnant?

Whilst some excess skin and a few extra pounds may be present around the midline post birth, if the shape resembles a baby bump (and your pre-pregnancy body type was not apple shaped) a diastasis recti needs consideration.

Diastasis recti is the separation of the rectus abdominus muscle along the linea alba. The rectus abdominus is the most superficial of the abdominal muscles, recognised as the six pack. The linea alba is the connective tissue that runs down the centre, dividing the pair of muscle bellies in half.

This separation begins at approximately 14 weeks gestation 21

4 3

symptoms, alongside quality of life have been shown to be significantly different to those without a diastasis.

“45% [of mums] still have separation after 6 months”

Diastasis is also responsible for functional problems that impact on daily living, including reduced ability to sit up and reduced strength in rotating the body. The ability to sit up from a reclined position post-feed whilst maintaining a sleeping baby or be able to slowly lower baby down into a cot without fear of overbalancing and falling in are just a couple of essential functions that would make life easier in the early days without a diastasis!

Where do I start to make improvements?

as a result of increasing stress and pregnancy-induced hormones leading to a loosening of the abdominal connective tissue.

How do I know if I have this?

A specialist physiotherapist will be able to assess your tummy muscles for separation. If this is not possible, I have included a video to demonstrate how to test for this yourself. If your separation is quite large (greater than 4 fingers width) you may find it difficult to identify where the muscle is and it is definitely worth seeking further advice if you are uncertain.

Drawing the separation back together is reliant on good muscle function and tone of the deeper abdominal muscles first. These will have also been affected by body shape changes and postural changes during pregnancy and also impact lower back and pelvic girdle function.

Checking out the pelvic floor and transverses abdominus videos from issue one is a good starting point.

Improvements in function are usually noticed first, with tummy appearance improving later.

Top Tips

Why haven’t I sprung back into shape like the other mums?

Many online general information sources state that the muscle separation will ‘usually’ go back to normal by 8 weeks after birth. This along with the smart phone friends that claim to be back in their jeans really quickly may make it feel like your tummy is the unlucky odd one out.

However, recent studies suggest that for first-time mums, 45% will still have separation after 6 months and 32% at one year. If you have had two or more babies, it is most certainly not a level playing field for comparison, as the chances increase further.

Although there may be multiple factors that contribute to recovery, the smaller the separation, the speedier the closure. Early recovery tends to be more likely after first births, singleton pregnancies, having a baby under 8lb, and being active before, during and after pregnancy.

These reasons may explain why you haven’t recovered as quickly as you had hoped.

Is this purely a cosmetic problem?

There has been relatively little medical research around diastasis recti because historically, it has been considered as a cosmetic problem. However, ladies presenting to physiotherapists with back pain, pelvic girdle pain or pelvic floor issues frequently also have a diastasis. These

•

Focus on good posture; sitting slumped leaves muscles resting saggy and weak

•

Avoid any exercises that cause bladder leaks

•

Avoid high impact activities such as running and jumping jacks

•

Avoid push-ups, planks, crunches, Russian twists as these can cause muscle bulging

Take a look at Lucy’s video, which accompanies this article, for some mum-tum exercises to start you off! http://tinyurl.com/LucyMIM

Look out for further guidance and safe exercises in the next issue.

Further Information

Lucy Georgiades, Physiotherapist

Facebook @lucygeorgiades

22

1 2

Hypnobirthing huh?

Samantha Bevington Samantha Bevington Hypnobirthing

Long gone are the days of hypnobirthing and birth doulas being the secret weapon of the rich and famous. In recent years, birthing centres across the country have started to offer their own versions of hypnobirthing courses and many NHS trusts now provide courses, albeit at an additional cost to women and their birth partners.

Midwives speak highly of the way women can remain calm and relaxed whilst using the techniques – so what exactly is hypnobirthing and how can it really be of benefit during labour?

Hypnobirthing is essentially a very misleading name for something that is so basic in theory. Courses usually focus on rehearsing a state of ‘deep relaxation’ through breathing techniques, light massage, self-hypnosis and mindfulness.

Why is staying calm and relaxed during pregnancy so important?

Let’s go back to basic science: survival.

Instinctively, as animals, we have a natural fight or flight response to danger. If we are scared, worried or anxious, our bodies produce a cocktail of hormones to help us deal with whatever situation we find ourselves in. If there’s a

burglar at the door, we’re going to need to act quickly.

These hormones are great and kick us into action in order to protect ourselves! They shut down all non-essential processes in the body such as digestion and the immune system. They raise our heart rate and blood pressure.

Oxygen is diverted to our essential organs so that we can stand up and fight or run away…

Let’s think about an animal out in the wild - is it going to want to give birth whilst danger is around? No! Adrenaline, one of the elements released into the blood stream during this fight or flight response, slows down labour by inhibiting the hormone oxytocin. This is all well and good. Our natural instinctive response is to react to the feeling of danger and fear in order to protect ourselves and our babies.

However, oxytocin, the body’s natural pain killer, is one of the hormones we need for a successful labour. It is the driving force for bringing on and maintaining contractions.

The problem is that adrenaline stops oxytocin from working properly. Women can find themselves in a situation where they are worried, anxious or not feeling in control of their birth and the release of adrenaline can then stop the oxytocin from being produced.

23

4 3

“the delivery room can be full of distractions”

A woman who is scared, worried, anxious or sees herself in a dangerous place during labour, will produce more adrenaline.

Just like the wild animal, she instinctively doesn’t feel safe enough to give birth in her current environment. She needs to feel safe, calm and in control to give birth and so her oxytocin levels drop.

Hypnobirthing techniques help with all of this. They help to teach the woman how to remain as calm and relaxed as possible, whatever is happening around her. We know that labour seldom goes exactly to plan and we also know the delivery room can be full of distractions; midwives checking your blood pressure, students and doctors popping in to do ward rounds, questions from the birth partner. Even during a home birth there can be distractions a plenty! How can we teach women to stay ‘in the zone’ through all of this and create the optimum atmosphere for a calm and relaxing birth experience?

A hypnobirthing course teaches women to take themselves to a place of deep relaxation using self hypnosis. Past hypnomums rave about it, midwives love the calm it brings to the labour room and birth partners feel useful and learn to support the labouring woman in the best way possible.

Hypnobirthing should never promise a pain free birth. That said, many hypnobirthing mums make the choice to use no other pain relief during their labour and are comfortable in doing so. Many describe using the techniques as turning the pain into ‘discomfort’.

Alongside trying to keep the adrenaline at bay, hypnobirthing courses will provide a range of positive images and language around childbirth. It’s important that a woman has a ‘bucket’ of positivity to dip into rather than the stressful bucket of ‘negativity’ that she has perhaps built up over a lifetime of seeing dramatic, sensationalised images of birth. It could be as simple as a birth story told by a friend that has found itself lurking in a negative way in the pregnant woman’s mind. We work with the subconscious mind to swap out these thoughts and present a more positive image of birth, allowing on the day for a more calm and relaxed mindset and outlook. This in turn helps the labouring woman to access those deeper states of relaxation, knowing that she can listen to and trust her body to birth her baby.

A good hypnobirthing course should be entirely pro-choice.

This isn’t about taking other methods of pain relief away from women, but more so giving them additional tools and techniques to get through some of the earlier stages so that they can use the pain relief medication if or when they really need it.

Hypnobirthing receives its fair share of eye rolls and tuts from experienced mothers who perhaps never had the chance to experience it for themselves and, like many, gain a first impression of hippy meditation and pain-relief free water births! The reality though is very different - what’s not to love about something that gives women more positivity, more freedom and more choice in such a memorable and special moment in their lives?

A pain free birth?

Further Information

Samantha is a busy mum, teacher, antenatal instructor and hypnobirthing expert. She lives in Manchester with her fiancé and 1 year old daughter. When she has a rare moment of spare time, she enjoys baking and experimenting with arts and crafts!

Website: www.samanthabevington.co.uk Facebook: @SamanthaBevingtonHypnobirthing Instagram: @sam_bev_hypnobirthing Email: sambevingtonhypno@gmail.com 24

5

Book Review

The 7 Secrets of Happiness (An Optimist’s Journey)

by Giles Brandreth

Anna Connolly, Independent Bookseller

Us mums are often so busy organizing the whole of the rest of the family, and keeping them happy, we often forget to step back and enjoy our own happiness.

Not knowing what to expect I dove straight into this one to find out just what these 7 ‘secrets’ were.

Expecting a light-hearted, rambling writing style from the Giles I’ve seen on The One Show, I was a tad disappointed. It’s actually begins quite poignantly (‘This book is more serious than larky’) and is packed with facts and findings from serious research studies.

As with most of the books in the ‘self-help’ category there is much to take from it, however I can’t help feeling the gist of the book could have been explained much more pithily in a magazine or newspaper article.

For once his verbose persona grated rather than enthralled. His ‘Summary’ is the most readable, and practical section.

Written in a style that makes dipping in and out difficult, I hate to say it, but not the best for us busy mums. If you are looking to invest some time into reading for personal growth, this is probably not the best one to start with. ★★✩✩✩ Further Information

Anna is a mum of two little girls and an independent bookseller of award-winning children’s books.

She is also an ex English teacher and lover of all things literary.

Website: https://org.usbornebooksathome.co.uk/AnnaBookseller/ Facebook: @AnnaUsborneOrganiser Twitter: @AnnaBookseller

25

1 2

Handling Hormones (and Teaching your Kids to do it too!)

Beth Penfold

One & Only You – Empowering Women Through Coaching Yay! Hormones!... said nobody in the world, ever. Whether you are male or female, young or old, hormones happen.

Hormones are critically important for a healthy body, controlling key functions such as growth, reproduction and digestion. Obesity, diabetes and certain cancers can all be caused by hormonal malfunction. The effects of hormones are often very powerful and we experience them daily.

So, how can we manage our hormones in our busy lives and how can we teach our kids to manage them well, as they grow into adults?

First, teach yourself. Hormones are chemical messages that signal your body to do physical stuff, like eating, sleeping, puberty, or menopause (‘andropause’ in men, yep – it’s a thing). Hormones also create psychological effects. Pre-menstrual Syndrome is famed for causing anger, with many a cartoon of a poor husband returning from work to find his PMS wife fuming in the hall. But for both genders, irritability, impatience and poor memory are all the result of hormones. Hormones, therefore, are essential and easier to handle once you understand them (a bit like nose hairs). There is lots of information available about hormones, so get Googling and find out more.

Hormones happen, deal with it! Each of us has a

responsibility to be aware of and manage our hormones and their effects. Things like road-rage and snapping at people for no reason are unacceptable and although we are all getting better at understanding brain-fog or random tears from colleagues or friends, we still need to take responsibility if this happens to us.

Manage your own hormones responsibly. To set the example for your kids. So clean up your act if you need to (you too, dads!) Think about your diet, exercise and how much sleep you get (if you get ANY, you’re a mum after all), these can all affect hormonal management. Consider taking a supplement for a better hormonal balance, like vitamin B Complex. Get an app to track your monthly cycles – there are lots out there for the menstrual/ fertility cycle. These apps work for any cycle though, I use one to track my perimenopausal ‘shouty’ days – there’s usually a notes function and emoticons you can apply to each day to record how you felt and behaved. Do this daily for a couple of months and you will soon begin to see a pattern. This pattern will show how your moods and behaviours change over the course of your monthly cycle.

Get flexible. Once you see your own pattern, you can find ways to work with your cycle, rather than against it - after all, a mum’s life is demanding enough already. You could 26

4 3

about stuff and easily hurt. He now steers clear of stress and troublemakers at school on those days.

Start now and create a better future. My kids are now teenagers but managing your own hormones and teaching your kids about them can start as early as you like. We have an opportunity to raise a future generation of adults who understand that hormones are not gendered, or a weakness – they are just chemistry. They will understand that they have a responsibility to manage their hormones and not pollute the social environment with them – just as when they have a cold, they sneeze into a tissue and wash their hands.

schedule events more carefully, (‘Aunty June always winds me up so I’d better not see her over those 3 days!’). If you have days when you’re a zombie, is there is flexibility to schedule that challenging meeting, or crazy play-date for when you are on top of your game, rather than when you can’t remember your own name and have an insatiable desire for chocolate?

My kids know to walk to school when I have a zombie morning, as their chauffeur is having a few extra minutes under the duvet. Don’t forget you have hormonal up-days too, where you are feeling totally smiley and kick-ass. You could schedule more challenging stuff on those days. For extra fun, you can compare your pattern with your monthly bank statement, to see if your spending habits change (retail therapy, girls!). In all these ways, you are becoming proactive about your hormones, rather than reactive.

Let your kids know how you’re feeling. On a day when you feel irritable, talk about it in the family. It’s always good to model to children that it’s OK to talk about our feelings. When my kids were younger and explanations were not possible – I’d say the word ‘fine’ a lot, through gritted teeth and then swear into a cushion. If you do lose it, despite your best intentions, empower your kids to tell you your behaviour is unacceptable, or if they are younger, to send you to the naughty step. This teaches them that although they need to accept that hormones affect people’s moods, it’s not OK for those people to take it out on them, just as it isn’t OK for them to take out their hormonal angst on others. You are giving your children the clear message that hormones happen and there are lots of ways to navigate through them in a way that doesn’t result in bickering, unemployment, or a trip to the magistrate’s court.

Talk about hormones. Say the ‘embarrassing’ words, create an environment where it’s OK to discuss penises and puberty, where all questions are welcomed and properly answered. If your kids are older, share the app with them too – kids start to establish a monthly hormonal cycle well before menstruation begins. Both my son and daughter have one, my daughter uses it for her periods and my son used it for a while, because he noticed that some days in the month he felt sensitive

As for us ladies, the more we embrace our hormones and go with their flow, the calmer our lives will be. It may be that our voices go strangely high when we ovulate but on the upside, our faces achieve maximum symmetry at that time, making us even more gorgeous than usual! Adrenaline – it might make us a bit flustered and anxious sometimes, but in a dangerous situation, we’ll be able to fight our corner, run like the wind and heaven help anyone who threatens our kids! Yep, our hormones are responsible for mood swings and monthly bleeds, but oxytocin is the hormone that lets down our milk, so we can enjoy the wonderful, bonding experience of breastfeeding our babies. Our hormones are a bitter-sweet cocktail but one that allows us to perform and embody one of the greatest miracles of life – motherhood.

Further Information

Beth empowers women, through coaching, to feel great about themselves and to go out there and darn well get what they want. She is married with 3 children, 2 cats and 1 rather messy house.

Website: www.oneandonlyyoucoaching.com Facebook: @OneAndOnlyYou / @TheCircleOfCalm Email: beth.oneandonlyyou@gmail.com

27

1 2

Cross Your Legs when You Sneeze?

There is a Solution

Julie Čolan Secret Whispers™ Let’s talk about something embarrassing shall we?

Does a little wee escape when you laugh, sneeze, cough, jump, or run? Is this now your new ‘normal’? No, it is not! Nor should it be.

Did You Know That 50% of women suffer with pelvic floor issues?

Unfortunately this figure could be much higher because women are too embarrassed to even speak to their doctor about it, let alone family or friends. Due to the associated taboo many women are suffering in silence. The physical, psychological and social wellbeing impact for women and their families who suffer with weak pelvic floor conditions is heart-breaking and could be avoided. This is an issue that spans generations. This has to change.

Did You Know That It Is NOT Normal To Leak After Childbirth?

I was horrified to learn that women are led to believe it is ‘normal’ to cross their legs when they laugh or sneeze.

That urine incontinence after childbirth is almost expected, thanks to the large advertising budgets of companies selling these pads. Secret Whispers exists to present a very different reality and give a very different message.

What Are Kegel Exercises?

Kegel exercises consist of repeatedly contracting and relaxing the muscles that form part of the pelvic floor.

They are essential because your pelvic floor is a muscle like any other and it needs to be exercised. Think of your pelvic floor as your Lady Hammock. It has a very important job to do. It consists of muscles and ligaments holding up your bowel, uterus and bladder. The muscles that surround these organs can no longer fully support these organs when weakened, resulting in the lack of control you have over passing urine, wind or faeces. In severe cases, called a prolapse, there is a dropping down of the internal organs into the vagina. Don’t use it and you may well lose it! So prevention is better than cure ladies!

“I have tried doing pelvic floor exercises and they didn’t work”

Most women do not know where their pelvic floor muscles are and how to engage them correctly. When you use Secret Whispers ™ Kegel weights your pelvic muscles are contracted, which in turn lifts the internal organs and the muscles also tighten the openings of your vagina, anus and urethra. Thus, improving your pelvic muscle tone and reducing the need for future corrective surgery! They correctly engage the correct pelvic floor muscles to contract, taking away the guess work.

“I’ve given birth and the damage is already done” Doing Kegel exercises before childbirth helps in the recovery of the pelvic floor and reduces the likelihood of bladder incontinence after birth. However, if you start suffering from a loss of bladder control after childbirth, you can still improve the strength of your pelvic floor by doing Kegel exercises. If in doubt please always speak to a pelvic floor physiotherapist.

Will Kegel exercises improve my sex life?

If you have noticed that it is more difficult to reach orgasm or that your other half has noticed it is more difficult to climax; your pelvic floor may have weakened. An orgasm happens when the muscles in your vagina, anus, and uterus involuntarily contract and then relax. This is the amazing feeling of "release." Orgasms are bigger and stronger with a strong pelvic floor.

When Can I Fit Kegel Exercises Into My Already Busy Life?

There really are so many ways for your Kegels to fit easily into your lifestyle that there are NO excuses. Incorporate your Kegel exercises with an activity you do most days.

•

• •

Showering, gym work out, exercise class, walking, school run, yoga, housework, swimming, walking the dog, or even cleaning the oven (honestly:-).

You just need to be active for them to be effective

Now ladies, all you need to do is just be committed and take ACTION! Just get started!!

28

Further Information

Julie is the founder and campaigner behind the Secret Whispers Brand. She is mum to two gorgeous sons and wife to a very patient husband. She is a FSB (Federation Of Small Business) area finalist, and she has also been nominated in 3 business categories in the Woman Who Achieves Award 2019. Secret Whispers has been awarded ‘Amazon’s Choice’ Badge not only once (which in itself is a huge achievement) but twice in January 2019, which is unheard of.

Website: www.secretwhispers.uk Facebook: @SecretWhispersUK Instagram: @secretwhispersuk Twitter: @secretwhisperss Email: support@secretwhispers.ukInstagram

29

1 2

Twenty Year Incontinence Pelvic Floor Problems Fixed

Louise White Body Lipo Lincoln Meet the woman who's suffered from incontinence for 20 years.

When it comes to products designed to tighten or strengthen the vagina, you may have thought you've heard it all. But Louise White owner of a female Aesthetics and Wellbeing clinic Body Lipo Lincoln revels how her stress urinary incontinence lead her to invest in a revolutionary treatment the EMSella.

Like many mums Louise said she did her pelvic floor exercises but when it comes down to it does anyone really do it?

This is where the EMsella comes in, after suffering with bladder leakage for over 20yrs Louise investigated the non invasive options available that really got the crux of the problem - a weak Pelvic Floor - but there wasn’t anything that really had a significant impact on her weak pelvic muscles.

Eventually she discovered the EMSella Chair that was launched in the U.K. in January 2018. The electromagnetic device is one of four in the country, and is designed to strengthen your entire pelvic floor muscles performing over 11,000 perfectly performed Kegel exercises in just 28mins!

The beauty about this treatment is that it is non invasive and requires you to simply sit on the ergonomic chair while you’re pelvic floor simply gets a workout! All while you enjoy reading a magazine and sipping a cup of earl grey!

“This is not about vanity” Louise explains, “it’s not about designer vaginas – it’s about helping you feel like you did pre children”.

But is it worth it? Well, with one in five women suffering incontinence there’s definitely a market for it.

A woman suffering with incontinence can spend an average of £600 a year on pads and protection, not to mention the worries and concerns about the condition.

Louise explains “ my pelvic floor was certainly more ‘hammock’ than ‘drum’ post baby and no amount of pelvic floor exercises was cutting it. Sneezing and exercising was difficult for me as this lead to leaks which was not only embarrassing but it prevented me from taking part in activities”.

If you are one of those, and really struggling, then the machine could help you.

Louise has had fantastic results and is now completely cured from her bladder leakage. She is now raising awareness of this common but not normal condition and therefore is offering every U.K. women an opportunity to sit on the chair for one free session worth over £250.

For more information please contact Louise on 01522 523777.

At the end of my session, you are left realising this isn’t about aesthetics; it’s about giving women their dignity back.And for some, it could be a real life changer.

30

1 2

Introducing Child Authors to the World

Jessica Prime Child Author Project

I am Jessica, and I have always wanted to be a writer. As a child I wrote poems, stories, all sorts. I wanted to inspire others with the words that I wrote, and I dreamed that one day I would be an author. Throughout my childhood, I had many dreams. I wanted to be an astrophysicist at one point and dreamed of studying space and getting a job at NASA. I wanted to be a fashion designer, despite my questionable sense of fashion. I wanted to be a music producer, though after studying music technology I soon realised I had no idea how to use the machines with hundreds of buttons; back to the drawing board.

At the age of eighteen, through a love of natural wellbeing, I qualified as a Spa and Holistic Therapist, and that is where I remained for many years, during which time I trained in Business Administration, and eventually I became a Virtual Assistant.

I had many dreams over the years, and they always changed, but one remained consistent, and that was the dream to write.

As a mother, my dreams are often put on pause so I can focus on what is important for the family. It’s not easy juggling family life, career, business, health, relationships and having goals at the same time!

I am an introvert; I’m shy, unconfident and I struggle to put myself out there; I struggle with depression, anxiety and panic attacks, but having mental health problems has taught me that you need to be resilient.

In 2018, at thirty years old, the dream of becoming an author became a reality. Not only did I become an author, but I became a Best-Selling Author, and with it, a range of opportunities opened up to me. I became a contributor for a magazine, and even Huffington Post UK published one of my blogs. I began to realize that if I wanted to write, I could make it happen, but that I needed to face my fears, face my confidence issues, and be brave.

Seeing your words in a book or magazine is such a surreal experience, and it gives a sense of achievement that I can’t even explain.

Having struggled with mental health issues ever since I could remember, these kinds of achievements mean a lot to me. I try to remind myself that happiness is a journey, not the destination, so these small successes along the way really give me a boost. When I was growing up, we didn’t understand mental health as well as we do now. I try to advocate and send a positive message about mental health, in the hopes that someday we’ll have a better 31

4 3

understanding of how to manage it, and our children will benefit from better health-care, understanding and knowledge.

We can’t protect our children from things like mental health, but we can prepare them and give them tools and knowledge.

I believe that we should treat our mental health with as much priority as we treat physical health, and we should take it seriously. We should educate our children, because if they grow up understanding the importance of a healthy mind, and they know how to use mindset tools and techniques, and they understand how to look after their mental wellbeing, I truly believe they would be unstoppable.

I want that for my daughter. I want her to be confident, brave, adventurous, excited for life, and I want her to know that she can achieve whatever she wants, with a little hard work. I love her inquisitive and curious mind; I love that she wants to learn and take part in everything. She has a real hunger for life, and it’s inspiring.

According to research, 10% of children aged 5-16 have a clinically diagnosable mental health problem, and despite this, 70% of children who experience mental health struggles don’t receive the help and support that they need. Children develop a sense of self-worth and confidence that they carry with them into adulthood, it can be really hard to reverse the effects of any mental health trauma they experience, and this can include any kind of emotional trauma, bullying, peer pressure, exam stress, hormones, and more.

Mental health is an epidemic at the moment; more and more people are opening up about their struggles, and this is starting to break down the stigma and open the door for conversation. However, I truly believe the key to managing mental health struggles is to allow children to understand the importance of a healthy mind whilst they are still young.

Mindset is so important; and helping children to understand the power of positive thinking will enable them to manage through many a tough time, and to process all kinds of emotion and life events.

It is estimated that 1 in 4 of us will experience some sort of mental health problem each year. That’s a staggering figure.

Mental health problems are one of the main causes of sickness worldwide, and I believe that this is because there has been a lack of understanding in previous years. We’re starting to open up about mental health, but we still have a long way to go. A life with a mental health issue is tough, but with understanding, the world seems a little kinder.

With all of this in mind, I decided to combine my two passions and launch a new project that would enable me to share the opportunity of becoming an author, whilst thinking about mental health. Child Author Project was set up to inspire and motivate young people to achieve a goal. I wanted to show

children that they can use their creativity, their passion, their imagination to achieve something great. I believe that children are incredibly imaginative, in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways, and I really, truly believe that this should be nurtured.

I whole-heartedly believe that children should be encouraged to be courageous, creative and passionate. I also believe that children should be taught about mindset and the importance of mental health, and so, the theme for the first edition of this book is inspired by these beliefs.

The theme for the first book project is HAPPINESS. It may seem like a simple idea, but I know that all the children that take part will bring something different and important. I’ve asked children to dig deep and think about what happiness really means to them.

I’ve set no guidelines for submissions, because I want the children to write whatever feels right for them, I want the book to be honest, authentic and unique. The book will feature a vast amount of contributions being brought together, and I think it will be a real special collection. I think we could learn a lot from what children have to say about Happiness.

All the children that take part will become published authors this year. That means, Child Author Project will enable 150 children to achieve a dream of writing – and that honestly makes me so happy.

I am excited to introduce new, creative, passionate, published child authors to the world.

Further Information

Jessica Prime is a bestselling author, advocate and VA. Mum to toddler Seren, and fiancé to musician, Matt, Jessica rarely sees a peaceful moment! Jessica founded Child Author Project to give children a voice and an opportunity to achieve something amazing.

Website: www.jessicaprime.co.uk Social media: @ChildAuthorProject and @jessicaprimeva Email: info@jessicaprime.co.uk

32

1 2

Who the hell am I….?

Navigating the change in our sense of self when we become parents

Alison Ford Simply Thrive Being a mum is a tough gig. It’s can be a real mix of highs and lows, wins and losses, achievement and failure, satisfaction and disgruntlement. We all love our children.

Fact. 100% - that’s not in doubt in our minds. But we do sometimes wish we had a glimpse of our old lives back (or maybe that’s just me, but I don’t think so…?)

What’s going on?

Our identity is hugely important to us. It is to everyone, of course – it’s the very essence of who we are. Our identity is an umbrella term for the qualities, values and beliefs we possess as individuals. What’s interesting is that until we spend any time focussing on our choices around this, we have a tendency to simply reflect an identity based on other’s values and beliefs (influenced by our parents, our identified community, our culture, our religion, our friends – for example). Some of us might not even be aware we have a choice about who we are.

Who am I? As humans we have many facets to our identity – as an example I identify as a feminist, coach, mother, partner, daughter, friend, nature lover, fan of live music and great food. I’m deeply upset by unfairness and inequality and I’m

really driven by serving and helping others to be who they want to be. However, when I became a parent to my two girls my identity suddenly seemed to be engulfed in only one of these factors: Mother – With A Capital ‘M’.

Of course, at any one time we may have a tendency to concentrate on a particular area of our identity and that’s ok. When we have children, it is natural that we become focussed on the identity of ‘mother’ and the allencompassing care-taking role we now have. We are perhaps consumed with love for our offspring and want to make sure we are the best parent we could ever possibly be.

We might feel like we eat, sleep and breathe motherhood.

We are more often than not thinking about our kids, doing something with our kids, preparing something for our kids, entertaining our kids (and other people’s kids), meeting our kids’ every need or responding to their every whim, and then finally when someone suggests we do something ELSE, we wonder what the hell that might be! Then we dread it because frankly we’ll have nothing to contribute other than TALKING ABOUT OUR KIDS! It’s an easy position to find yourself in; in fact, it’s very common. In terms of our identity we may eventually end up with a sense of loss and confusion. We feel disconnected 33

4 3

“the good news is this – you are still the same person”

from who we really are.

Find yourself The good news is this – you are still the same person; your identity hasn’t disappeared. Instead of reducing your identity to that of ‘mother’ you have in fact enlarged it to include mother. Many of my clients are genuinely surprised to hear me tell them that they are still whoever they were before children. You really can be and do everything you always were and did, but now with additional benefits and opportunities.

If you’re feeling as though you’re a bit ‘lost’ and don’t know who you are anymore, I would encourage you to make a list of all the activities you actually love doing. The things that light you up and make you feel all excited and free. Do not be held back about whether these things are possible or not. Simply list all the things that bring you joy.

Then, I want you to pick the one thing that you know really makes your heart sing. Close your eyes and connect with the last time you did that. Think about what you were doing, where, who you were with, and importantly, how it made you FEEL. Walk yourself through that experience – the sights, sounds, smells and sensations; really connect with yourself back in that moment. When you’ve done this, open your eyes and write down all you can remember. Include the details. Make sure to add the feelings.

Read it back– this is who you are. When we’re connected to a joyful experience, we are totally ourselves; lost in the moment of here and now. Once you’ve reacquainted yourself with what it feels like to be you, think about what else could make you feel that way, taking your current lifestyle into account. There may be different logistics to factor in, but don’t be put off by the minutiae of the ‘how’.

Commit to doing something within the next week that brings you joy – just for you.

Start small

I would suggest you begin with the smallest, easiest thing.

I challenge you to make that one thing become a reality – rope others in, think broadly about what will need to be arranged and how it can be made possible. Once you’ve connected with how it will feel, the reality of making it happen will seem less daunting.

When I first decided to do something to reacquaint myself with who I am, I actually went to the shop (like, the garage shop around the corner). Not to buy anything mind you, but just because I needed to feel that sense of space and connection with my own being (without the presence of my small person). I wanted to walk around the block without pushing a buggy, carrying something akin to a watermelon in the baby sling, or with any of the associated paraphernalia that goes with kids.

The thing is, I felt like I was suffocating. I was all mixed up and confused about what the hell was happening and where ‘I’ had disappeared to. And that’s why it’s so important we stay connected to our sense of self when we’re parents. It’s all too easy to be everyone else’s go-to ally, saviour, fixer, finder, mender, miracle-worker. And it’s exhausting! We need to have joy in life – in our own right.

You are amazing Above all, remember that you choose the narrative in your head. You can choose to think as though your previous identity is something from the dim and distant past; something lost and unreachable, or you can choose to include your ‘mother’ role in a broadened view of who you are - which absolutely still includes all of the qualities that make you, YOU. Be honest with yourself, dig deep and remember what makes you unique.

What will you choose to do today, this week, this month – how are you going to connect to a strong sense of the real you?

Further Information

Alison is a Life Coach and founder of Simply Thrive, a wellbeing service that includes coaching and reflexology. As well as being passionate about supporting ‘women who happen to have kids’ she is also rather fond of fishing, paddle-boarding and swearing.

Website: www.simplythrivewellbeing.com Facebook: @simplythrivewellbeing Instagram: @simply_thrive_wellbeing Email: hello@simplythrivewellbeing.com 34

Alison’s Quick Fixes If you’re looking for quick and easy ways to reconnect with your sense of self, try some of these.

Pick something that’s a) easy to do and b) will give you the best buzz…

1. Listen to your all-time favourite tunes. Even better, make a playlist and listen to it daily

2. Phone an old buddy. Talk to someone who knows you as a whole person, not just a mother.

3. Get out – alone, with good friends or your partner. Without kids. BAN

the discussion of children during said outing and enjoy the conversation and freedom that flows.

4. Read. Buy yourself a new book (that isn’t to do with parenting or nursery rhymes) and dedicate time to read it.

5. Try something new – it might be learning a different skill, trying a new

activity or simply changing a regular exercise class. Do something that is for you only, and not for the benefit of others.

35

1 2

Get Creative with Your Journalling

Chelle Clarke

Spiritual Transformation Queen

Journaling is an effective way to document your hopes and dreams for your business and your personal life but so many people cringe at the idea of putting their thoughts down on paper. Some equate all journaling with keeping a diary and they don’t want to revert back to their 10-yearold self. Others worry about keeping a journal secret or prevent themselves from being honest and vulnerable for fear that others will read their words.

Are these fears weighing on your mind? Don’t talk yourself out of experiencing the power of journaling; the benefits certainly outweigh the likelihood of someone finding your journals and passing judgment. Like anything else in life, you need to find a form of journaling that works for you and that you enjoy doing; otherwise you won’t incorporate the habit into your daily routine and will miss out on its many benefits.

Benefits of Journaling The biggest benefit of journaling is to dump all your ideas and dreams onto paper so your mind remains clear and ready to focus on your action steps. If you want to achieve your goals and dreams, taking action is mandatory but it’s very easy to get lost in distractions if you don’t journal and create an action plan.

Another benefit to journaling is the ability to revisit older entries and compare them with where you are today in your business. Did those older ideas come to fruition? Did they morph into an even better idea? Did you follow through on action steps to reach those goals or milestones? Use these older entries as a reminder to revisit ideas or to learn more about yourself and your motivation.

Bullet Journaling If you’re not into writing pages and pages of notes, bullet journaling is a quick alternative. The idea is to write simple bullet notes that are a combination of a to-do list, a diary, and list of upcoming events. Part of the appeal of bullet journaling is creating your own journal with your own handwriting, bright ink colours, doodles, and unique pages that will serve your needs. In addition to business action plans, some people find it useful to include gratitude lists and workout schedules.

Multimedia Journaling If you’re a born talker and get stumped every time you see a blank piece of paper, create a multimedia journal using your smartphone. Record voice messages about your day, your plans, and your dreams or record videos with those same 36

4 3

8.

What am I most grateful for right now?

9.

I am worthy because

10. How can I show up more powerfully in my life/business?

11. What is the outcome I want to achieve?

And if these prompts don’t get your juices flowing then get creative and create your own or just wing it. Simply set the intention to journal and see what comes out. Sometimes going with the flow can be the most powerful!

Top Tips: Don’t overwhelm yourself thoughts. Transfer these recordings to a service like Dropbox to free up storage space on your phone.

Brain Dumping Take a blank piece of paper – or open up a Word document – and just start writing ALL the things that are occupying your mind. Include business decisions that must be made, projects or goals you want to achieve, as well as personal items or errands to remember. There’s no thinking allowed while doing this; don’t judge if an idea is crazy or silly, just write it down.

After you complete your list, add these items to your calendar or delegate some of these tasks to your virtual assistant (if you have one). If multiple items fall under the same general heading, block out some time to complete them all at once.

Ignore the phone during these time blocks so you can focus your attention completely.

Start with small chunks of time and allow yourself to get comfortable with journaling and gradually add more time to your routine.

Is there a right or wrong way?

You can mix and match the styles and the topics, you can journal daily, weekly or monthly. The only rule as such is to be consistent!

Now it’s over to you, have fun and be creative!

Happy Journaling

So now you will hopefully see that journaling can be done any way that suits you and your busy life, there really is no excuse not to harness the power of journaling!

So what next?

Now that you have chosen how to journal, it’s time for me to share some of my favourite journal prompts with you to get you off to a flying start.

1.

What is holding me back right now?

2.

How can I bring more happiness to my life?

3.

What is causing friction right now?

4.

Why do I feel this way about ‘x’?

5.

What area of my business is not fulfilling me and why?

6.

Why do I feel I don’t deserve ‘x’?

7.

How can I more forward/forgive?

Further Information

Chelle is a single mum of 3 from Lancashire.

She is a #1 best selling author, spiritual junkie and crystal hoarder. Chelle loves to get out into nature, especially in summer to recharge her batteries and calls coffee ‘mum fuel’.

Website: www.soulvibration.co.uk Facebook: @Spiritualtransformationqueen / @JournalJunkie Instagram: @spiritualtransformationqueen Email: chelle@soulvibration.co.uk

37

1 2

Using Essential Oils to Support Your Emotions

Valerie Fowler Young Living Essential Oils When we think about coping strategies for our emotions, the first few that pop into mind are exercise, self-care, or even food.

Today, though, I may tell you something new. It may seem foreign to you, but people worldwide for generations have used them.

Essential oils for your emotions Three years ago, I moved to back England with my young family, after five years overseas. It was a big adjustment, as we moved from the big city, to a small village. I am from America and I found it very hard to settle into somewhere with very few moms who stayed home. Add onto that hormones from weaning my son from breastfeeding and I was in a depression. I had been down like this before, but the difference this time, is that I thought I’d try essential oils, since I was already using them for other benefits.

So how can a little bottle of plant juice make you feel better, and help you?

The sense of smell is the only sense that has a direct connection to the limbic lobe, or the emotional control centre, of your brain. Think of a smell that brings you

straight back to a memory, like an old boyfriend’s cologne, or fresh cut grass. Aromatherapy can help ease your sadness, and bring you up from a bad mood. The oils can also help with stress, and nerves. I used them daily on my wrist, and in my diffuser. A rollerball can be made with some carrier oil, and some essential oils to put on your skin.

Which oils help with what though? There are so many to choose from, but these are my favourite: •

Orange oil: Sometimes referred to as happiness in a bottle! Use it to help boost your mood.

•

Bergamot oil: Can help with grief, and uplifting your mood.

•

Frankincense oil: This oil can help calm your mood swings, keeping you balanced.

•

Lavender oil: This oil has been used for generations to help with relaxing, and anger.

•

Patchouli oil: This oil is used to help relieve feelings of emptiness, use it when you’re disconnected from yourself.

38

3

•

Peace and Calming blend (Young Living Oils): A blend of citrus and other calming oils, I used this to ease my anxious feelings, and sleep better.

•

Sara Oil blend-(Young Living Oils) This oil can help move past trauma and help to move forward into healthier relationships.

•

Release Oil blend (Young Living Oils) Sometimes we hold onto past emotions, this is the best oil to release those issues, and look to the future.

•

Valor Oil blend (Young Living Oils) Give yourself courage and ease your nerves with this oil used by the Romans in battle.

By using aromatherapy, I was able to move past my loneliness, and hardship. It’s ok to not be ok, and there are lots of ways to help support you without immediately turning to medication. Go out with a friend, read a good book, and definitely oil up!

Further Information

Valerie is a work at home mom of two. She has a passion for non toxic, natural living, and helping others. As an American living in England, her kids are quick to tell her when she’s mispronouncing words. She loves hosting parties, and impromptu dancing in the kitchen.

Website: www.myyl.com/essentialoilsladyuk Facebook: @essentialoilsladyuk Instagram: @valeriesheldonfowler Email: vsheldon@hotmail.com

*Be sure to buy the best quality oil possible when you’re using them for your health. Young Living Essential Oils are 100% pure, organic oils that are grown and distilled with strict Seed to Seal standards. For more help, feel free to contact me.

39

1 2

Coping with Sight-Loss as a Mum

Jennifer Williams-Royle Doodle fizz

Jennifer Williams-Royle spoke to Mums in Mind Editor, Victoria Coupe, about dealing with sight-loss.

Jennifer is affected by an eye condition – retinitis pigmentosa (extreme short sightedness) – and cannot see things at any distance and cannot detect light variations.

“My condition is getting so bad now where I cannot see things unless they are in front of my face almost.

It also causes night blindness, I have no depth perception at dusk and I cannot see where things are (like the curb or obstacles). This means I do not go out at dusk and in the dark on my own. Even with a cane I struggle.

This really restricts my independent life. I don’t meet friends at clubs or pubs because I cannot recognise people or find toilets etc. in the darker pubs and clubs so it really hinders my social life.

It is often difficult finding my way around unfamiliar places. I can not navigate rooms safely if I am in a room that I do not know. This makes me really anxious. I also

feel anxious when I enter a room as my eyes take so long to adjust that I cannot see if a room is empty or if it is full of people so I have to sometimes rely on if I can hear people speaking. This is not good in my job as I sometimes have to go and speak to a tutor or find a student and it can make me anxious and nervous.

I often accidentally walked in on meetings because I cannot see which room I am entering or if it is empty. Luckily I can usually explain myself and this saves some of the embarrassment.

If I am meeting friends or family somewhere I have to make sure I am meeting them at a very specific place and time as otherwise I struggle to recognise people if I have not seen them recently or even that day. This leads to people sometimes thinking I am being rude or I’m a little bit ignorant.

I often have to explain to people at work that I may not recognise them unless I have seen them that morning and I know the shades they are wearing or how they are wearing their hair. I also can sometimes recognise how people walk and I think I have developed these as coping strategies.

Another way I compensate is by guessing with writing and 40

4 3

words. As I will look at the first letter and last letter and the to fill in the blanks using common sense and words that may be in context.

Me and my daughter have to now have adventures as we go out together and sometimes I have to use satellite navigation to get around or sometimes we have got lost. We do get out and about but we are aware our outings don’t always go to plan but I make sure we have money, credit cards and back up plans in place to get us home.

I am always looking for different ways to get around things at the moment. For example we invested in an ‘echo dot’ so I can ask Alexa things like reading out the TV menu so I don’t have to walk right up close to it to see it.

I have zoom magnification on computers and I have big keyboard stickers which have bold, black letters on so I can see to type. I take photos of lots of things so I zoom in on them and I can save them, like letters from school with important dates on.

We once wanted to go to Manchester museum and we got on the bus and then the train to Manchester but I couldn’t remember and find my way to the museum so we had to adapt our plans as we realised the bees where in town and we went bee hunting instead which was fun too.

I have to keep my house fairly clutter free so I can move around and see things I need, but this also can cause accidents too. My daughter knows these days to try and keep things tidy but there have been occasions where I have fallen over a dolls pram or tripped up over things.

The condition I have is never going to get better and it is progressive. No one can tell us how fast or how slow it will deteriorate and it varies from person to person. There is also no current treatment for this condition.

One thing I am struggling with as a mum is going to pick my daughter up from school. It isn’t far away but in different light levels it can cause me a lot of problems crossing the roads. There have been a few occasions where there has been a near miss and I was nearly run over so I really do need to use my cane more to make drivers aware that I cannot see well. That in itself isn’t too bad but the problem mostly is the other mums in the playground. Because the route is familiar and I have lived here a long time, and I also recognise some of the people I am with, I don’t have to use my cane most days. So when I do use it, it causes a lot of judgement and staring and muttering. People seem to think I am making it up and why am I using a cane and why don’t I use it all the time. This causes me to be really self conscious and I worry about people making judgements about me. I know though that it shouldn’t matter and that I should ‘man up’ for the sake of my daughter and I am trying to do this for her sake.

They are doing lots of research in to the condition, like the bionic eye and stem cell research. There is also something called Crispa, which again is to do with cell regeneration and injecting into your eye but this is not fully developed yet.

This aims at regenerating the genes that are not working and there is some hope that it will be available in my daughters lifetime. The condition is genetic and is X chromosome related, however, I am one of the anomalies and so not only do I have the condition but I can also pass it on.

We are having to get my daughters eyes checked at the moment as the teachers have said at school that she is having trouble looking at things so we are getting her checked out at the moment. I really hope that she doesn’t get the condition but she still could develop it and if she doesn’t actually have it, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t a carrier of the gene.

My main worries are not being able to work anymore. Not being able to bring in any money for my family, being isolated because of my condition and also passing my condition on to my daughter. Because my condition is progressive and I am noticing that it is getting worse so I have started looking into ways I can work and earn money from home. This is not my ideal and I am finding this really difficult to deal with at the moment. This is mainly because I am trying to juggle home, work and Mum life. My condition also means I have lots of visual disturbances. Sometimes it looks like it is raining all the time and other times it is like fireworks and lots of flashing lights. Sometimes you can be walking along and you can see a barrier or a fence and you go towards it and there is nothing there. Or I think that there is a cat asleep somewhere but it is just a coat or clothes that my daughter has left somewhere. It is like my eyes are playing tricks on me. I do laugh about it most of the time though.

The teachers also at the time I started using my cane made my daughter a bit self conscious as to why does her mummy use a cane and none of the other mummies use a cane. They decided to question my daughter about me using the cane and saying how helpful she was and asked her if she helped me. They also talked to her about guide dogs and they thought it was really interesting, which it can be. My daughter however started to get suspicious. She was wondering why everyone was interested in it and questioning if her situation was normal as it was chatted about as if it wasn’t normal. To my daughter this was always her way of life and she had been very accepting and wanting to have a go of my cane and get involved.

My condition has made me very determined to fit in, very determined to succeed so I can prove my worth and show my daughter that I can still succeed at the things that I do.

People make snap judgements so I feel like I have to show that I can still do what I need to and it has made me stronger. Especially as I didn’t want to accept my condition at first. It has also made me want to see and do as many things as I can as I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t 41

6 5

know what will happen in the future and how my sight will deteriorate, so I take each day as it comes and try not to overwork my eyes too much. Hopefully I will retain a small amount of useful vision but who knows.

We tend to do a lot together as a family, lots of walks, members of the national trust and see and do things together so we have good memories and things that we can remember together. This way we will have fond memories and stories to look back upon. I have a big empathy for other people who are fighting adversity and have naturally found myself in an advisory role as people come to me for advice which is quite nice really.

Sometimes because I see the world differently I can think outside the box a bit more because I am always looking for ways to overcome barriers, so at work I can use this to the help the students to come up with different ways to help them out of their problem too.

On the mum side of things I made sure that I attended lots of mum and baby groups so that I could build up relationships and so could my daughter so she never felt isolated and has now grown up with these people who have become friends and peers at school.

Through this we have a very close knit group of mums and we know them from all sorts of groups and clubs. This small group of mums know the difficulties that I face and they are very accepting and they sometimes offer us lifts now and again to things that are going on in the holidays and when we get chance to meet up together. This is really nice for my daughter and it means we have a bit of a support network.

Shopping is a pain and I can’t do a big shop on my own. I cannot see what is in the aisles and read the packaging and it would take me all day to do a shopping trip. My husband also wants to eat gluten free and organic so I can’t do this as I would just have to buy for convenience as it would just take me too long.

We are hopefully going back to online shopping and this might help as otherwise I have to rely on my husband and although he may have been shopping there is never anything to actually make any meals with when he goes to the supermarket.

Cooking is a nuisance as I often end up with cuts and scrapes with chopping and peeling vegetables. I have things splash up at me or spilling things and sometimes almost putting the wrong ingredients into dishes can be a pain, but other than this I am a fairly good cook which is good.

I have had lots of funny moments along the way, like the time when my daughter was really tiny I tried to feed her at night and was trying to feed her eye! Although she was only tiny she found this hilarious. There have been lots of these funny moments along the way.

Recently though I had an incident where I got sand underneath my contact lens and it scratched my eye causing problems with my sight for days afterwards and this sometimes gets me down.

My work haven’t put anything in place to allow for my sight deterioration and this causes a few problems for me and I have to try and compensate sometimes.

Most days I am fine. It is only when I am reminded about my sight problems that I begin to get anxious or worry, for instance when I have been nearly knocked down by cars when crossing the road.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I had to go and speak to the Consultant. The consultant wanted to know how I would cope being a mum with an eye condition and I felt like I was being interviewed for my mum role.

Unfortunately people are insensitive and quite often show their own ignorance. Even though I use my cane a lot when getting on the bus, the drivers don’t tell me when I am at my stop and so this has meant my daughter and I have missed our stop or had to get taxis back from places to ensure we get home safely. This is just an example of our little adventures we go on.

What I need is something to fall back on when my eyesight fails and this is what I am working on at the moment as much as I can around work, life and my daughter. I lack confidence and this is something I struggle with daily, but if my daughter does have the condition I want here to see me as a positive role model and know that she can still live a full and happy life.”

With huge thanks to Jennifer for sharing this with us.

If anyone would like to contact Jennifer, they can reach her via Mums in Mind (contact details can be found on page 2 and the back page of the magazine).

Now that I can just ask Alexa for recipes this is great as I don’t have to read things and look things up anymore so I can be a bit more adventurous when cooking now. One bonus is that I have never given any of us food poisoning so I am giving myself a huge gold star for that one.

42

1 2 3

Agony Mum!

Ana Louise Bonasera Self Love Detox How do you mange your time between home and work responsibilities?

It can be so easy being a work from home mum to let work life and home life blur into one. Now sometimes this is okay, it works for some mums but if you’re a mum who needs to get more organised there are ways around this.

If you type into Google weekly schedule, you should be able to find a blank grid to fill in, you choose the times to start and finish, grab some coloured pens or highlighters, we’re about to get a bit creative. Block out any time you’re getting the kids ready for school, making them dinner, bedtime, homework, play time, etc. all in one colour. Next map out you time and time for your partner in another colour, it’s really important to keep yourself and your relationship healthy, you’re the captain and if you don’t look after yourself the whole ship will sink with you. What is left is time you have to work your business.

I’ve done this exercise with a fair few mums and it’s good to see where you are splitting your time. Keep it visual so you can see it and when you have time for you and your kids or you and your partner switch off from work and be present. Enjoy making memories.

How do you stop mum guilt, working and trying to fit everything in?

As mums we have so much responsibility, home, family, work and everything else in between! First of all, take a breath and know that you are doing a fantastic job. If you haven’t already I’d recommend reading the response to the first question as scheduling your time can really help.

What I suggest is you seek help, wherever possible; if you can afford to have a cleaner, get one, if you can afford someone to cut the grass do it. But if money is tight and that’s really not an option, ask family or friends if they’d help too.

Ultimately, what’s more important, what is your priority? Having a clean and tidy house or spending time with your children? You won’t look back in 10 years or so and think “oh I’m so glad I stayed on top of the laundry and housework” but you might look back and think “I wish I’d made more time to make memories with my children” it’s okay to be house proud, but sometimes it’s just not a priority. At the end of the day life is for living, no one will care about the housework once we’ve passed.

My little boy has recently been diagnosed with ASD (autism) and has a lot of meltdowns and I don’t know how to help him Being a mum of 4 and having twins with autism I know too well how frustrating it is to see your child(ren) upset and not know how to help them. All children on the spectrum are individual and react differently to coping strategies but the best thing you can be is calm and neutral, try not to get angry or sad, try not to panic, it will pass - it might take a few hours or it make take a few minutes.

I’d love to share with you some strategies that we use with my twins. My boys also have Sensory Processing Difficulties (SPD) the type where they have no spacial awareness, this means that they react better to deep pressure whereas some children may be overly sensitive and the slightest touch can send them hysterically. Sometimes my boys need a big bear hug, I will wrap my arms and legs around them or cover them in a blanket (we have a weighted one too) and give them a squeeze and some loving.

Distraction is one of the best techniques, depending on the level of meltdown, singing a favourite song, blowing some bubbles, a back ticket or a blowing up a balloon and letting it go can be the best way to jolt them out of their melt down.

Other times they just need time to let it out and as painful as it is, there might be nothing you can do expect be present and wait for the storm to go over. Please remember this, your child is only letting themselves have this melt down with you because they feel safe enough too, they may have been bottling this up all day but they know when they are with you they are safe to let out their feelings and you’ll be there for them no matter what.

Further Information

Ana Bonasera is a mum of 4 boys, her eldest is 6, her youngest is 9 months and she has twins that are 5 and have autism. She knows the struggles of being a mum in business as she runs several different businesses, including being a Confidence & Clarity Coach helping women find self-love and to conquer their body image issues.

Website: www.selflovedetox.com / Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/selflovedetox Instagram: @anabonasera / Email: hello@selflovedetox.com

43

People we think you might like

44

The Mum Checklist As Mums we totally neglect ourselves so here’s a little checklist for you.

TODAY:

•

Brush teeth twice

•

Take vitamins or medicines

•

Eat well

•

Drink your water

•

Do some exercise or take a walk

THIS WEEK:

•

Take time out for yourself

•

Chat with friends

•

Check your breasts for any changes

•

Spend time with loved ones and partners

•

Get outside and get some fresh air

DON’T FORGET:

•

Health checks with your GP

•

Dental check ups

•

Regular opticians appointments

•

Regular smear tests

Looking after yourself means that you are able to look after your children and your family better.

So if you forget to look after you, then we’ve got you covered xx 45

We want to hear from you!

Like what you see? Want to be part of our community? Have something you would like to contribute?

You can contact us on:

Facebook @mumsinmindorg Instagram @mumsinmind Twitter @mumsinmind2 Email mumsinmindorg@gmail.com

Special thanks to…

Joanne Whitlock for designing our fantastic front cover picture especially for Mums in Mind. We are super happy and honoured to have our own hand drawn picture for our second issue. Joanne’s cartoons are amazing and we love how simple but effective they are. Joanne is a speaking coach and uses her incredible cartoons to help others to gain confidence in speaking.

You can connect with Joanne here: https://www.facebook.com/JoanneWhitlockUK/ or at www.joannewhitlock.com

Natalia Nizynska of Natural by Natalia photography for once again coming to take our photos at the photo shoot for this issue. Her pictures are always beautiful and she ensures we’re all relaxed at the photo shoot.

You can find Natalia on www.naturalbynatalia.co.uk or https://www.facebook.com/naturalbynatalia/

Cerys Owen of Confident Beauty for making us all look glam at the photo shoot with her fabulous make up and for listening to how we ‘never wear make up as we don’t have time’. Her make up always makes us look and feel polished.

You can find Cerys on https://www.facebook.com/confidentbeautyuk/

Shaun Browne for his fabulous speech at the launch of our debut issue of the magazine. Shaun is always a pleasure and an inspiration to listen to.

You can connect with Shaun here : https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=537255449

My hubby, SC, who can’t for the life of him understand why I am doing this but supports me anyway and is my rock. And my boys, J & F….after all, this is for them xx

Thank you for purchasing and reading the Mums in Mind Magazine xx

46

Mums in Mind Facebook @MumsinMind Instagram @mumsinmind Twitter @mumsinmind2 Email mumsinmindorg@gmail.com