The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Tips to Fend Off Holiday Stress

By dr. Jen altMan

It’s the “happiest season of all” – the holiday season! Ever the optimist, I like to focus on all the great things that accompany this time of year: the the cozy sweaters, the colors that adorn the trees and fires in the fireplace, to name a few. But no one is immune to what one of my friends called “the dark underbelly” of the holiday season – the pressure that comes with “#makingmemories” – the decorating, the gift-buying, and most importantly, the hosting of the extended family. It’s ironic that once the summer-to-fall transition dynamics are finally stabilized in your house, the anticipation of grandma and grandpa’s arrival opens the door to a host of new concerns.

Why do we get so stressed during the holidays? It’s a time of year where we experience a major pushpull of emotions. On one hand, advertisements overwhelm us with images of ideal gifts and happy families, celebrating in homes magically decked with good taste, light, color, warmth and picture-perfect tables. On the other hand, it’s a time, sometimes the only time during the year, where we gather with extended family and friends in celebration. The significance of this is only amplified by how many years we have gone without these occasions. But it’s staggering to imagine how we will execute our own holiday preparations in a manner that matches that idyllic vision.

So, while you’re perusing Pinterest and wondering where you put the antique gravy boat, here are some ideas to help calm the holiday nerves.

MANAGE EXPECTATIONS. The stress we experience is equal to the difference between expectations (what we wish and want things to be like) and reality (what we are actually able to do or create). Even those of us who usually feel on top of our game start to sweat when we see the Martha Stewart moms start posting

their holiday décor on Instagram. Those posts can make us think we are not good enough, that their holidays will be better – just because they are gifted (or, let’s face it, showing off). As Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And isn’t the holiday supposed to be all about joy? It is important to let go of what isn’t and grasp what is. Create your own traditions even if you’re piggybacking on something you read in a magazine or saw online. Our holidays are ours – unique and special just like our families.

BE PREPARED! Think about it as a mathematical equation: the level of stress is inversely related to the level of preparation. That is, the more prepared you are, the less stressed you will be. If you see a gift you know is perfect, why wait? Order it right away. Get the whole family involved in choosing gifts for relatives, making decorations and wrapping presents. As my mom always said, it doesn’t have to be perfect to be excellent. Ultimately, organization and planning will go a long way towards minimizing worry on the back end.

BEWARE THE FAMILY DYNAMICS. Anyone who’s

ever had a sibling, a parent or an in-law knows that despite age, station, household or years of therapy, when you get everyone under one roof for an extended period of time, the dynamics fly. Out of nowhere you find yourself behaving like your adolescent self in response to your brother’s behavior. You become contrary and defensive as you hear the criticism underlying the light tone of your mother-in-law’s remarks. But you don’t have to give up or go off on Aunt Betty. The solution? Anticipation and awareness – of who is going to set you off, of what trips your wire, of where your safe spaces are (to hide, take a deep breath and count to 10). Clarifying your perceptions can help lower the level of distress.

Every year I forget to order the matching family pajamas until the delivery window is closed and we, yet again, have to go without that picture. Every year I am exasperated by the comments and interactions of certain family members, although every year they are the same. But every year I marvel at my good fortune, surrounded by this incredible, loud, hilarious, loving family in my adequately decorated home and I feel such deep gratitude for all of it.

Dr. Jen Altman is a New York and New Jersey licensed clinical psychologist with over 20 years of experience. She is currently in private practice in Saddle River. Dr. Altman works with children, teens and adults dealing with a variety of issues related to anxiety, depression, learning differences, motivation, social skills and family conflict. Dr. Altman consults with schools, offers professional development workshops, writes social-emotional learning curriculum and presents on a wide variety of topics. Dr. Altman is also the mother of two amazing teens, and co-creator of The Worry Chest. Find out more at www.drjenaltman.com.

Social

HACKENSACK MERIDIAN HEALTH FOUNDATION GOLF OUTING

The Hackensack Meridian Health Foundation held their annual Hackensack University Medical Center Foundation and Palisades Medical Center Foundation golf outing at Ridgewood Country Club. For more information, visit www.hackensackmeridianhealth.org.

Tom Neumann, Robert Garrett, Steve and Kevin Boswell, Eric Bergstol

Robert Garrett, Joe Sanzari

Robert Garrett, Sam Wright, Joe Sanzari Joe Ciambrone, Zack Levison

John Salemme, Jerry Iannone, Trae Minicucci, Chris Rotio

John Gyon, Rich Chamberlain, Dave Wolf, Jeff Riggitano

Mike Luci, Dr. Taya Glotzer, Dr. Sanjeev Patel Carl Carfello, Joe Gandolfo

John Leighton, Sean Featherstone, Tyler Botta, Chris Kourgelis, Carl Carfello Jr. Ralph Corrado, Steven Salemme Dr. Michael Kelly, Mike McBride Dr. Rick Winters, Dr. Howard Ross

Claire Ward, Rachel Simoneau Gail Gordon, Ulysse Diaz, Rob Menendez, Yogi Virk, Arvinder Bains Eli Manning, Mark Sparta, Joe Sanzari, Robert Garrett, Frank Fekete, Ulysse Diaz