11 minute read
Why an End-Of-Life Doula
by Elizabeth Humphries
What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? —Mary Oliver, “The Summer Day”
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There are many end-of-life practitioners, some more medical in nature, some less so. Gerontology, palliative medicine, and hospice care represent medical practitioners. Hospice describes a dying person as a “patient” who is “admitted” to hospice with a “diagnosis” and will receive a hospice physician, nurse, and nursing assistants. They arrive at the dying person’s home in medical scrubs with the usual medical accoutrements, such as stethoscopes; oxygen saturation monitors (the little gizmo they put on your finger); and medical supplies, including pads, bandages, specialized lotions, ointments, and soaps, which are helpful for all sorts of skin ailments that can happen when one is bed ridden. The patient receives a care plan, and everything proceeds within the paradigm of illness and treatment.
While illness may bring about the end of life, dying is not a disease nor is aging; it’s a natural human process. There’s no treatment to prevent aging. We grow old. There’s no treatment to prevent dying. We all die. Something is missing in the medical approach to death, though, and some of us are creating a new approach—returning
to an ancestral view of death that acknowledges death as a natural and often beautiful transition. It can necessitate medications for pain or anxiety, but not always.
Physicians, nurses, and hospice offer wonderful and often essential endof-life care. But it’s the illusion of a cure, or at least of control, that causes us to lose so much of the grace, beauty, and gift of aging and, finally, of dying. This is why a dying person or family member reaches out for an experienced end-of-life doula, midwife, or practitioner.
Death doulas provide advocacy with hospice and other professionals, expertise in legal and financial preparation for end of life, knowledge of options in funeral and burial arrangements, and wisdom and guidance through the entire process. Death can be terrifying, and for most, death and dying are the last things we want to pay attention to. A death doula can make all the difference.
How do you choose the right doula for you and your loved one? Reach out to the National End-of-Life Doula Association to access contact information for death doulas and practitioners in your area then interview a number of them before choosing who you’d like to work with. There are three qualities you should seek.
Experience. Does the doula offer the wisdom and depth of life experience to provide you with a knowledgeable and resourceful companion during this difficult transition time.
Heart. Does the doula have heart for the work. A doula should not lecture or instruct you to do something a specific way; they’re a guide and are present for all family members and their needs and perspectives. They can sit with those feeling anger, regret, grief, and fear and with those feeling joy, resolution, gratitude, and wonder. They provide a safe and accepting space, and do so with deep respect. They don’t pretend to know all the answers, but want to help open the way family members need to journey. They have the gift to create a sacred space—not in a religious sense, but in a human sense. They’ll do all of this with the utmost care by walking the dying one home and being at their side.
Time. Does the death doula have time for you. When you feel good about what you learn, you’ll know you’ve found the right death doula for you, your family, and your loved one.
Elizabeth Humphries is a nurse; a birth midwife; and owns Seasons of Life, LLC, a senior homecare agency. You can contact her at Liz@seasonsoflifemadison.com.
Seasons Of Life LLC
DO-NOT-RESUSCITATE BRACELETS
Direct emergency medical technicians, first responders, and emergency healthcare facilities’ personnel. See also the Advance Healthcare Directives in the Essential Preparation section or Legal in the General section to set up advance healthcare directives which can detail your wishes when you are unable.
DO-NOT-RESUSCITATE BRACELETS (DNR) INFO
(608) 266-1568 dhs.wisconsin.gov/ems/dnr.htm
FUNERAL & CREMATION SERVICES
CRESS FUNERAL & CREMATION SERVICE Locations to serve throughout Dane County (608) 238-3434 cressfuneralservice.com
Cress has been serving and supporting families in their time of loss for more than 150 years. Traditional funerals; cremation, including viewing and witness in our custom viewing suite; and natural burials. We serve all faith communities and are knowledgeable on their different customs. Modern facilities. Preplanning available.
FOSTER FUNERAL & CREMATION SERVICE
(608) 661-3678 or (844) 363-7193 fosterfuneralhomes.com
GUNDERSON LIFE CELEBRATION CENTERS 5203 Monona Dr., Madison 53716 (608) 221-5420 gundersonFH.com
Dedicated to meeting the wishes of the families we serve. Our priority is to provide personalized and meaningful celebrations of life at a fair value. We offer comfort and attention our clients deserve, and support them in one of the most difficult times in their lives.
Caring— Every Step of the Way
Age at Home • Adult Day Center • Supportive Care Hospice Care • Grief Support (800) 553-4289 | Agrace.org
13342461
GRIEF & SPIRITUAL SUPPORT
AGRACE
(608) 327-7118 agrace.org/griefgroups
AGRACE GRIEF SUPPORT CENTER 2906 Marketplace Dr., Fitchburg 53719 (608) 327-7110 agrace.org/griefcenter
Anyone is welcome to come to the Agrace Grief Support Center for guidance and support after loss, regardless if the person who died had hospice. We serve both adults and children, so many of our spaces are designed to help kids feel comfortable.
CRESS FUNERAL & CREMATION SERVICE Locations to serve throughout Dane County (608) 238-3434 cressfuneralservice.com
Cress has been serving and supporting families in their time of loss for more than 150 years. Traditional funerals; cremation, including viewing and witness in our custom viewing suite; and natural burials. We serve all faith communities and are knowledgeable on their different customs. Modern facilities. Preplanning available.
THE GREAT CIRCLE COLLABORATIVE
(608) 444-8327 Find us on Facebook
GRIEF MINISTRY
(608) 257-3577 bethel-madison.org/grief-ministry
GUNDERSON LIFE CELEBRATION CENTERS 5203 Monona Dr., Madison 53716 (608) 221-5420 gundersonFH.com
The death of someone we love leads us on a journey most of us would not choose: a journey through grief. We hope as you walk and work through this time of loss, you have the care and support you need for this to be a healing journey.
SEASONS OF LIFE LLC PO Box 620563, Middleton 53562 (608) 770-2730 liz@seasonsoflifemadison.com seasonsoflifemadison.com
Seasons of Life. Dignity, Honor, Kindness. That is our mission for senior home care. Owned and operated by a geriatric nurse of 25 years, bringing experience, compassion, and integrity home to seniors. Assistance with daily living, including end of life death doula care.
(800) 924-2273 ssmhealthathomewi.com
HOSPICE CARE
Provides pain relief, comfort, symptom management, and supportive services to individuals who usually have six months or less to live. Typically, care is provided by a team consisting of a doctor, nurse, social worker, counselor, chaplain, home health aide, and trained volunteers. The team works together to focus on the dying person’s and their family’s physical, psychological, social, and spiritual needs. This level of care can be provided in one’s residence (collaborating with the home health agencies/medical care), at most hospitals (collaborating with your hospital team), at most nursing homes, and at an inpatient hospice facility.
AGRACE HOSPICE CARE 5395 E. Cheryl Pkwy., Madison 53711 (608) 276-4660 info@agrace.org agrace.org
Agrace is a nonprofit hospice dedicated to providing expert physical, emotional, and spiritual support to patients and families dealing with serious illness. We provide comprehensive services in patients’ homes, our inpatient units, and skilled nursing and assisted-living facilities.
SEASONS OF LIFE LLC PO Box 620563, Middleton 53562 (608) 770-2730 liz@seasonsoflifemadison.com seasonsoflifemadison.com
Seasons of Life. Dignity, Honor, Kindness. That is our mission for senior home care. Owned and operated by a geriatric nurse of 25 years, bringing experience, compassion, and integrity home to seniors. Assistance with daily living, including end of life death doula care.
SSM HEALTH AT HOME 800-924-2273 hahwi.info@ssmhealth.com ssmhealth.com/athome
Our team understands the special skills needed to care for people with a limited life expectancy and to provide comfort and support to patients and families. SSM Health at Home Hospice emphasizes preserving dignity and improving quality of life through symptom management including relief from emotional, spiritual, and physical pain.
HOSPICE INPATIENT FACILITIES
AGRACE HOSPICE CARE AND MEMORY CARE SUITES 5395 E. Cheryl Pkwy., Madison 53711 (608) 276-4660 info@agrace.org agrace.org
The Don & Marilyn Anderson Hospice Care Center and the Ellen & Peter Johnson Hospice Care Residence in Madison combine state-of-the-art technology with a beautiful, homelike setting. General inpatient care, respite care, residential care, and memory care are all offered at Agrace.
28 Advance Healthcare
Directives 28 Emergency Preparedness 28 Estate Planning 29 Financial Services 29 Funeral Preplanning 30 Organ Donation
ESSENTIAL PREPARATION
ADVANCE HEALTHCARE DIRECTIVES
An advance healthcare directive is also known as a living will. It’s important to put your legal and medical preferences in writing. Visit the Legal category in the General section for assistance to learn about the important options you have to protect your wishes if and when you are unable.
WISCONSIN MEDICAL SOCIETY
(866) 442-3800 wisconsinmedicalsociety.org
EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS
Have a plan in place before an emergency. Communicate your plans with family, friends, and neighbors. with first aid supplies, blankets or sleeping bag, battery-powered radio, flashlights, extra batteries, and weather radio.
If you have a pet, plan ahead for pet needs, including supplies of food and water and a pet carrier.
Have prescription medications and any special medical supplies ready.
Place the following items in a plastic, lidded container: • Three-day supply of water (about five gallons for each person) • Three-day supply of nonperishable food • Three-day supply of high-energy foods, such as granola bars, trail mix, peanut butter, jelly, and crackers
You can find more information on emergency plans and supply kits at ready.gov.
ESTATE PLANNING
See also Legal category in the General section.
HASKINS SHORT & BRINDLEY, LLC 5113 Monona Dr., Monona 53716 (608) 237-6673 receptionist@hsbelderlaw.com hsbelderlaw.com
Haskins Short & Brindley, LLC specializes in providing professional and compassionate legal services in the areas of estate planning and elder law. Substantial expertise includes powers of attorney, wills, trusts, guardianships, medical assistance planning (Medicaid), veterans benefits assistance, and estate administration (probate).
NENNIG LAW OFFICES, LLC
(608) 661-4333 protectingfamilies.net
WISPACT SPECIAL NEEDS TRUSTS
(608) 268-6006 wispact.org
FINANCIAL SERVICES
FINANCIAL ABUSE SPECIALIST TEAM (FAST) HELPLINE
(608) 261-7326 danecountyhumanservices.org
MARY’S DAUGHTER LLC
(608) 515-4083 marysdaughterllc.com
WISCONSIN DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE, TRADE AND CONSUMER PROTECTION Bureau of Consumer Protection 2811 Agriculture Dr., PO Box 8911 Madison 53708 (800) 422-7128 datcphotline@wi.gov datcp.wi.gov
Do you have an unresolved disagreement with a business? Do you have questions about a bill, contract, or your rental agreement? The Bureau of Consumer Protection mediates consumer complaints and helps consumers learn about their rights. Visit our website or contact us to file a complaint or obtain an informational brochure, like the Wisconsin Consumer Guide or the Landlord Tenant Guide.
FUNERAL PREPLANNING
Important piece of the aging process but often overlooked or neglected. Visit with professionals to know your options so you can make decisions rather than having decisions made for you by others.
CRESS FUNERAL & CREMATION SERVICE Locations to serve throughout Dane County (608) 238-3434 cressfuneralservice.com
Cress has been serving and supporting families in their time of loss for more than 150 years. Traditional funerals; cremation, including viewing and witness in our custom viewing suite; and natural burials. We serve all faith communities and are knowledgeable on their different customs. Modern facilities. Preplanning available.
GUNDERSON LIFE CELEBRATION CENTERS 5203 Monona Dr., Madison 53716 (608) 221-5420 gundersonFH.com
Prearranging is simple and the benefit to loved ones is well recognized. Preplanning allows you to express your own wishes and prearranging removes the financial burden from your family. Your funeral plan is transferable in case you move away. By relieving your family of decisions at a difficult time, you are showing your love and respect for their needs.
ORGAN DONATION
AMERICAN TISSUE SERVICES FOUNDATION - MADISON
(608) 276-9100 atsfoundation.org
RTI DONOR SERVICES
(608) 231-9050 rtidonorservices.org
UW HEALTH ORGAN AND TISSUE DONATION
(608) 265-0356 uwotd.org
WISCONSIN ORGAN AND TISSUE DONATION PROGRAM
(608) 261-6854 dhs.wisconsin.gov/health/donatelife
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