Spring into Joy

The 3 Irrational Beliefs at the Root of All Suffering: Approval, Judgment and Comfort

We all think irrationally. Yes, even you! It’s really easy to notice when someone else is thinking irrationally. What they say sounds illogical. It makes no sense! Even if you try to point out their error in thinking, they don’t get it. They seem locked into their point of view, like they’re blinded to the truth. It can be frustrating. But the truth is that the same thing happens to you.

We all hold wildly different beliefs—so much so that we question whether we have ANYTHING in common. However, the truth is that we all have human minds, and at their core, all minds share the same ultimate disfunction.

We all tend to suffer (psychologically) in the same ways and for the same reasons. We ALL share 3 core irrational beliefs that are at the root of our suffering. 1) APPROVAL—I must be approved of by others to be worthy. 2) JUDGMENT—Other people must meet my expectations in order to be worthy. 3) COMFORT—Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience.

These 3 beliefs pit “us” against “them”. They are responsible for the blame game, for entitlement and for nauseating approval seeking behavior.

This. Explains. EVERYTHING. These beliefs are like internal RULES that we have for how we, others, and the world “should” behave. The problem is that these rules are TOTALLY BOGUS. Finding out that you are WRONG has never felt SO GOOD!

If you’re tired of emotional stress and suffering, it’s time to rip those no-good beliefs out by the root!

It’s time to stop “shoulding” on yourself and others!

By identifying which of these core irrational beliefs YOU tend to fall into the most, you can begin to become aware of the situations in which you apply these bogus rules. You can look out for these beliefs in the stories you tell about yourself, others, and how life “should” be. And, most importantly, you can stop yourself from thinking irrationally and causing yourself unnecessary suffering.

You’ll even be able to spot these beliefs in others! Once you know about them, you’ll see them EVERYWHERE, and the suffering and conflict that runs so rampant will make so much more sense.

Below you will find a description of the 3 beliefs, including the consequences you will continue to experience if you do not make the effort to release this irrational B.S. (ahem, belief system). A new, rational belief is also provided to help you transition to a new perspective. Belief #1: APPROVAL-I must be approved of by others to be worthy. Need: acceptance, belonging Fear: judgment, rejection Demands: I expect myself to perform well and win approval from all significant others at all times, and if not I am a failure, unworthy, and deserve to suffer.

24 Symptoms: • Places unrealistic expectations on oneself • Over-concern with what other people think • Achievement and popularity determine self-worth • Self-critical, lack of self-acceptance Emotional Consequences • Depression, feeling not good enough, unable to express or embrace true self • Anxiety, worry about what others think, being judged • Low confidence, feeling bad about yourself, others disapproval means we are bad, can’t be yourself Behavioral Consequences • Risk-avoidance, for fear of being judged for failing or being different • Shyness, for fear of being embarrassed • Procrastination, for fear of failure, judgment, risk • Unassertiveness, for fear of rejection or criticism • Workaholism, in order to gain approval

REPLACE WITH THIS RATIONAL BELIEF: I have value as a human being simply by being my authentic self, and I desire love only from those who appreciate me and recognize the good in me.

False Sub-Belief: I need love and approval from EVERYBODY. • Consequence: Stifling of true self, lack of self-love and self-respect. • Truth: Everyone has different tastes and preferences and it is impossible to be loved by everybody. False Sub-Belief: I must be successful, intelligent and competent in all areas. • Consequence: Preoccupation with proving adequacy, even it if means looking competent when you’re not. • Truth: It is totally natural to be better at some things than others. It is okay to not be good at something. False Sub-Belief: I must be dependent on other people because they are stronger than I am, and I can’t depend on myself. • Consequence: Leads to unhealthy relationships that burden others and creates attachment based on need rather than genuine love. • Truth: Many people are perfectly capable of doing things on their own but they continue to tell themselves they need others to help them because they are afraid to let go of control of the other person. False Sub-Belief: My past has made me who I am and will continue to define my future. • Consequence: Continuing to live patterns that do not serve you and failure to reach your potential due to unwillingness to take responsibility for your life. • Truth: When you were younger, you did not understand what was happening, and therefore it impacted your