The Bridge to Understanding

Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world. —President Barack Obama

By Jowanna Daley

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Coaches often find it challenging to practice empathy because they can become so focused on helping their clients that they forget to bridge the gap to understanding their clients’ feelings. Life coaches need to be able to practice empathy because it can help them create a connection with their clients and better understand their needs. Here are some facts to remember about empathy: Empathy Does Not Require Agreement. I’ve heard counselors and life coaches say they can’t agree with their clients’ actions or lifestyles. Empathy requires understanding, which is different from agreeing with someone. Understanding a client means comprehending what that individual is telling you. This means you clarify and affirm what is shared. Starting a conversation with statements such as, “While I don’t agree with you,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way” isolates clients and signals that they are not safe to discuss things with you. It can make them feel embarrassed, misunderstood, unseen, or ashamed. Empathy Requires Permission. It is easy for humans to jump into solution mode. However, empathy requires permission to act because it involves understanding and considering someone’s feelings and desires. When your client shares a new problem with you: • Build rapport through validation. • Ensure you understand what led to the problem. • Take the time to grasp the risks the problem poses to your client. • Help them identify goals. • Ask permission to help them with the next steps. • Review the process. • Affirm the work they’ve done. Empathy is Not Feeling Sorry for Someone. There is a distinction between feeling sorry for someone and having empathy for them. Feeling sorry entails feeling pity and may involve a desire to help them alleviate suffering. Empathy, on the other hand, involves understanding and vicariously sharing another person’s feelings. It is a capacity to see the world from another person’s perspective. This does not necessarily involve wanting to help the other person but simply feeling connected and understanding their experience. Empathy Does Not Always Require Action. Empathy motivates us to help others, but it does not always require action. It may not require you to do anything because the person may not want you to do anything. They may want to vent or know that someone hears them. Empathy is a Skill That Takes Practice. Practicing empathy takes time and effort, but it is a skill that can be learned. By taking the time to listen to others, reflect on our feelings, and consider the perspectives of others, we can slowly but surely begin to develop our ability to empathize. And by doing so, we can build stronger relationships, create a more understanding society, and become better individuals and coaches.

SEPTEMBER CONTENT CALENDAR

The holidays highlighted below are perfect for any coach. Use them to help increase engagement on your social media platforms. SEPTEMBER 1 • World Letter Day. A day to celebrate letter writing and the art of correspondence. It is also a day to raise awareness of how you can write letters to encourage friends, family, and loved ones. #worldletterday SEPTEMBER 3 • National Doodle Day. A celebration of creativity and art. It is a time to get creative and have some fun! #nationaldoodleday SEPTEMBER 5 • Labor Day. This is a U.S. federal holiday celebrated on the first Monday in September. It honors the

American labor movement and workers’ contributions to the country. #laborday • National Be Late for Something Day. A day to be late for something intentionally. #nationalbelateforsomethingday SEPTEMBER 6 • Fight Procrastination Day. This holiday exists to encourage people to fight against the habit of procrastination. It is a day for people to plan and start taking steps to overcome their tendency to procrastinate. #fightproscrastinationday • National Read a Book Day. This day is observed to celebrate the joy of reading and the positive impact that reading has on people’s lives. It is also a day to encourage people of all ages to read more books. #nationalreadabookday SEPTEMBER 7 • Buy a Book Day. A day to celebrate the joy and love of reading and to encourage people of all ages to read for pleasure, discover new books and authors, and appreciate literature’s transforming power. #buyabookday. SEPTEMBER 10 • World Suicide Prevention Day. This is an annual international event to raise awareness of suicide and suicide prevention. The day aims to provide a platform for organizations and individuals working in suicide prevention to share their work and highlight the importance of suicide prevention. #worldsuicidepreventionday SEPTEMBER 11 • National Make Your Bed Day. A day to encourage people to make their beds every day and to promote good habits and discipline. #nationalmakeyourbedday • Grandparents Day. A holiday honoring grandparents, celebrated in countries around the world. The day is typically celebrated on the first Sunday after Labor Day. #grandparentsday SEPTEMBER 12 • National Day of Encouragement. A day set aside to encourage people in their pursuits. It was created to counteract the negative events that often occur in the world and to remind people of their worth and value. #nationaldayofencouragment. SEPTEMBER 13 • National Ants on a Log Day. A day to celebrate ants and logs! Enjoy ants on a log, a classic American snack made of celery, peanut butter, and raisins. You can also enjoy other ants-themed snacks, like ants on a stick, ants in a nest, or ants in a blizzard. Alternatively, you can celebrate by spending time outside in nature, where you may see some ants on logs. #nationalantsonalogday SEPTEMBER 14 • National Coloring Day. A day to celebrate the fun and therapeutic benefits of coloring. #nationalcoloringday • National Parents Day Off. The purpose of this day is to honor parents and to give them a day off from their usual duties. #nationalparentsdayoff SEPTEMBER 15 • National Online Learning Day. A day dedicated to highlighting the benefits of online learning and promoting the use of technology in education. #nationalonlinelearningday SEPTEMBER 16 • National Stepfamily Day. A day to celebrate stepfamilies. They can be a lot of work, but they can also be fun!

This is a time to celebrate the unique strengths that stepfamilies bring to the table. #nationalstepfamilyday • Working Parents Day. A day designated to recognize and celebrate working parents’ efforts and sacrifices.

This day empowers working parents and highlights their critical role in society. #nationalworkingparentsday SEPTEMBER 17 • National Dance Day. This day is a celebration of dance in all forms and is designed to get people up and dancing. #nationaldanceday SEPTEMBER 18 • Locate an Old Friend Day. This day is set aside for people to reach out to friends they have lost touch with and try to reestablish those connections. It can also be a day for people to simply reach out to friends to check in and see how they are doing. #locateanoldfriendday • National Aging Awareness Day. A day to focus on the positive aspects of aging and celebrate older adults’ contributions. It is also a day to raise awareness about the challenges and issues faced by older adults. #nationalagingawarenessday SEPTEMBER 20 • National Care for Kids Day. A holiday to celebrate and appreciate the work of parents, guardians, and other caregivers of children. It is also a day to raise awareness of the importance of providing high-quality care for all children. #nationalcareforkidsday SEPTEMBER 21 • International Day of Peace. A day of observance established in 1981 by the United Nations General Assembly to strengthen the ideals of peace within and among all nations and peoples. #InternationalDayofPeace • World Gratitude Day. A day set aside to show appreciation for all of the good in our lives. Many people take this opportunity to reflect on everything they are grateful for, big and small. Others use the day to perform random acts of kindness for others. No matter how you

choose to celebrate, World Gratitude Day is a great way to focus on the positive and bring a little bit of happiness to your day. #worldgratitudeday • National Chai Day. A day to celebrate India’s national drink. Chai is a spiced tea typically made with black tea, milk, sugar, and spices such as cardamom, cloves, and cinnamon. It can be enjoyed hot or cold. #nationalchaiday SEPTEMBER 22 • National Girls Night Out Day. When women come together to celebrate each other and have fun. It can be a day for women to connect with other women they don’t know or a day for women to reconnect with old friends.

Girls Night Out can involve various activities, such as going out to eat, going to a bar or club, going to a movie, or simply staying in and spending time together. #nationalgirlsnightoutday • American Business Women’s Day. The day recognizes the contributions of American women business owners and professionals. #americanbusinesswomensday SEPTEMBER 23 • Hug a Vegetarian Day. A hug a vegetarian day is a day to celebrate and show your support for vegetarians and vegetarianism. #hugavegetarianday SEPTEMBER 24 • National Family Health and Fitness Day. A day to promote physical activity and wellness within families. #nationalfamilyhealthandfitnessday • Gold Star Mother’s And Family Day. The day is for honoring families of those who have received The Gold Star,

an award commemorating a military member who died in the line of duty. #goldstarmothersday SEPTEMBER 26 • Love Note Day. A day to celebrate writing love notes. It is a time to express your love for your friends, family, and significant others. You can write a love note on a piece of paper, a card, or in a text message. #lovenoteday • National Family Day. A day to spend time with your family, have fun together, and appreciate your family. #nationalfamilyday SEPTEMBER 27 • Ancestor Appreciation Day. A a day to celebrate and appreciate your ancestors. This could include honoring their memories, celebrating their accomplishments, or simply spending time reflecting on the roles they have played in your life. #ancestorappreciationday SEPTEMBER 28 • National Good Neighbor Day. A day to do fun activities to bond with our neighboring families. It’s a great way to break the ice and build long-lasting relationships for community development. #nationalgoodneighborday SEPTEMBER 29 • National Coffee Day. A day to celebrate coffee and all of its goodness. #nationalcoffeeday SEPTEMBER 30 • National Podcast Day. A day to celebrate podcasts and the community of podcasters worldwide. #nationalpodcastawarenessday

The Daley Word

with Jowanna Daley

Jowanna is a business and personal coach, consultant, freelance blogger, and personal brand photographer. Jowanna uses her 20-plus years of business, information technology, business analysis, and project management experience to serve solopreneurs, microbusinesses, and professionals through consulting, coaching, training, and workshops. She is also a freelance blogger who serves corporate and non-corporate clients. Visit her website at https://www.jowannadaley.com/about/.