At a certain point, however, as we step into our roles as leaders and wayshowers in any capacity, it’s necessary for us to outgrow that programming. That doesn’t mean that we uncritically espouse a #bothsides by any means. It just means that there comes a time when we step into a place where we know the only way to move collective healing forward is to honor that each person is in a different place of their consciousness journey, and that feeling held, loved, and accepted for all of who we are is a much more effective way of healing past traumas and outgrowing harmful belief systems than when we are judged for our transgressions, shadow qualities, and Thatupbringing.iswhat radical acceptance really means accepting each person is where they are at in their journey, and in that calm, clear, compassionate space, we are able to more deeply enter into those crevices of bias, ignorance, hate, and tension without becoming triggered or triggering someone else. In other words, we come to invite others into our peace instead of getting pulled into their chaos. Transforming how we relate to each other around these contentious places is how we will change the world, one relationship at a time.
Once we come back to ourselves and know how to manage our own systems in sites of conflict and discomfort, we can begin to show up for our external work in the world. It is vital not to rush this process! It takes as long as it takes. And the more patient we can be in process, the more honest we can be about the limits of what we can offer and have capacity to hold space for. Yes, we want to “step in” and do our work from our corner of the world, but damage is hard to undo; trust is hard to re
Week Six Self-Study Releasing People Pleasing, Finding Our People, Forming Coalitions
practices provided in Module 5 allow us to stay clear in our own hearts and in growing our capacity as compassion holders. Staying in a place of love in tense situations when we are triggered is no easy task. It is much easier said than done! Our pain bodies and mind stories love to operate in duality someone is “good” or “right,” someone else is “bad” or “wrong.”
Thgain.eenergetic
Vocabulary: ● Self Sovereignty ● Intercultural Literacy ● Soul Family Viewing Materials: ● The Invitational Framework for Social Transformation with Layli Maparyan ● “Now Let us Shift,” This Bridge Called My Back, Gloria Anzaldúa ● “The Beloved Community: A Conversation Between bell hooks and George Brosi”
Self-Sovereignty:
One of the pieces that keeps us stuck is deep seated people pleasing especially from those whom we want to be seen and understood by. This is why a lot of activism and advocacy efforts are based in Ego we want to be accepted by those we feel resonance with! But this is also what can lead to political dogma and a policing of social justice spaces. When we are playing out scripts based in fear, we are afraid
Of course, how each of us does this depends on who we are, our social identities, our particular gifts, personalities, resources, and communities we find ourselves within. To do this, we need to come out of hiding and risk being seen for all of who we are. If we are trying to be someone we are not, or hiding our light, our people cannot find us! And by “our people,” I don’t mean folx with whom we share social identities. Yes, that might be part of it! But we are also talking about finding our Soul Family people with whom we vibe with, and share worldviews, commitments, and values with it. Once we really come home to ourselves and live all of our pieces out loud, these people and networks will begin coming into our sphere. We allow ourself to be seen! And so the journey begins.
● “Who are Our Own People? Challenges for a Theory of Social Identity,” Michael R. Hames-Garcia
of disagreeing or saying something that doesn’t mimic what we’ve heard others say with whom we tend to agree with. But disagreement is a part of authentic relationships! Unfortunately, in Ego based spaces disagreement is often conflated with gaslighting, and cancel culture serves to police and regulate what can and cannot be said. When we begin to show up aware of our pieces, and engage with others who are aware of their own woundedness, we can trust ourselves and each other to name, sit with, and discuss the complexity and messiness of the social conundrums we are confronted with.
Self Sovereignty is a process of liberation where we release people pleasing, and come to a place where we can make peace with our truth, whether or not it is understood by others around us or now. This is energetically connected to the Solar Plexus our Sovereignty Center. This is one of the most important pieces in coming into true heart based alliances, and one of the last pieces to manifest. Why? We need to be able to be at peace with ourselves internally before we can ever be in the presence of others. And it takes serious work and discipline to hold on to our truth in the presence of a competing truth of someone whom we respect. Once we are able to do this it unlocks a deep freedom that leaves us wondering why we ever allowed cultural programming and social scripts to dictate to us who we are.
Intercultural Literacy: Interculturality refers to an equitable interplay and interaction across cultures rooted in mutual respect and dialogue that opens the potential for meaningful exchange. Interculturality is only possible when all parties remain open hearted and willing to engage with each other as equals, eradicating a sense of “us” and “them,” while being attuned to differing histories and power differentials between social groups. This is only possible when each person is aware enough of their own worldview, epistemes (belief systems), ethnocentrism, and ethnochauvinism, and where any one way of being is decentered or viewed as the “right” way.
Sitting with epistemic friction can lead us to decolonize our consciousness, or to unlearn the internalization of Western cultural norms as superior and universal, and cognitively outgrowing the artificial social hierarchies between social groups that were created in an effort to enact divide and conquer strategies to govern and manage the populace.
The places in which differing epistemes, or ways of understanding the world overlap, collide, and rub against each is what José Medina has called “epistemic friction,” and what Gloria Anzaldúa has called “the borderlands.”
The basis of meaningful intercultural exchange is cultural appreciation, which is an act of engaging with, learning about, and respectfully interfacing with another culture attuned to power differentials, historical context, and the situational and ideological significance of particular practices or elements. Cultural appreciation is about learning to understand more than we now know, and includes humility, listening, and an earnest effort to enable cross cultural understanding.
As we increase our capacity to hold paradox and multiplicity, we allow room for “common differences,” a phrase coined by Chandra P. Mohanty to reference the holding of the universal and particular in tension when engaging with each other so that we do not ignore the real social, historical,
While there is no definitive line, cultural appreciation differs from cultural appropriation, which is the unacknowledged, inappropriate, or misused adoption, stealing, or referencing a component of another identity or culture, often for one’s own personal benefit or interest. This can include language, practices, belief systems, dress, and spiritual traditions. Cultural appropriation often includes a major power differential, with members of a dominant culture appropriating elements of marginalized cultures.
Epistemic friction can be perceived as “bad,” by those who do not know how to sit in the presence of difference without being threatened, although that discomfort often leads to a further learning of one’s own worldview and another’s. Epistemic friction has the potential to transform our consciousness if we allow it to.
● From whom are you looking to be understood and approved of by?
● What belief systems and life experiences influence your people pleasing patterns?
● What story do you tell yourself about being misunderstood by those whom you want to collaborate with? What do you tell yourself “rejection” or disagreement would mean?
and power differences between us while also recognizing that which connects across these unique life paths and social differences.
Practices:
● Whom do you hold back your censor yourself around?
Spend some time being radically honest with yourself about where and how you are holding yourself back. Get curious. Take a deep look at where your people pleasing stems from.
● What is the “need” to be understood that is driving the fear?
Soul Family: Our Soul Family is comprised of our potential collaborators, or those we fo rm coalitions with. Our Soul Family is rooted in shared vibrations, goals, commitments, and worldviews, rather than simply shared social locations. While our Soul Family might share social identities, lineages, and ancestries with us, they might also be very different from us on paper! Even with these differences, they just get us, and we just get them.
● Where do you limit yourself in collective healing work?
It is vital that we know who we are and what our truths and commitments are first so that we can truly meet our collaborators in authentic heart space so that when disagreements inevitably occur, we do not find ourselves playing out old fear program that prevent us from productively moving through conflict and tension together.
Self-Sovereignty:
● What “material” and social situations do you witness yourself playing out people pleasing with?
Take some time to answer these questions about cultivating spaces and relationships rooted in intercultural literacy:
● How do I stay open and curious with myself and my collaborators without assuming identities, experiences, and life paths?
● How do I radically de center socially dominant identities and norms from the spaces I strive to collaboratively create in order to honor and hold space for a multiplicity of bodies, identities, and life paths?
● What do I need to read/learn more about to become more knowledgeable on different histories, cultures, and lineages?
● How do I ensure I am continuing to check myself and that my work is coming from Heart (collective healing) rather than Ego (individual recognition)?
● Are there people from any social identities or cultural backgrounds that I feel less comfortable sharing space with? Why? What would I need to do on my end to become more comfortable sharing meaningful space with people of these identities and backgrounds?
● How do I continue to expand my growth edge while actively engaging in and compassionately interrogating the discomfort that accompanies it?
InterculturalLiteracy
● What internal work do I need to do to engage with deliberate compassion, empathy, patience, and awareness between myself and those I seek to be in coalition with in the presence of different histories, identities, cultural backgrounds, and power dynamics?
● What difficult dialogues do I need to have with those I share identities with about social issues I am doing work around? What networks do I need to seek out to have these dialogues?
● What histories do I need to verse myself in? What are the histories attached to my ancestral lineage?
● What difficult emotions and cultural systems has epistemic friction shown me I need to still acknowledge in myself? Am I being honest with myself about what comes up?
: Fear of difference and epistemic friction can keep us playing small and not take risks to engage across social groups. In order to engage in meaningful coalitions and collaborations, we must continue to examine ourselves constantly, with curiosity and compassion.
● What is most important to you in doing this work?
● Whom do you share commitments, values, and worldviews with? How do you know?
SoulFamily: Spend some time thinking about the people in your sphere of influence:
● Is it the “material” that this person or initiative engages with, or the energy that support this work or effort?
● How does your work overlap with and differ from this person’s or initiative’s contributions?
The more honest we can be with ourselves about our needs, the clearer we can call in collaborators in alignment with our needs, commitments, and approach. If we aren’t honest with ourselves, we have no basis to be honest with others!
● What qualities and skills are you looking for in your collaborators?
● What are the qualities and commitments of this person or initiative that you admire?
● What kind of collaborations and coalitions do you want to be a part of? It’s possible that your Soul Family has not quite rolled in yet. If that’s the case, spend some time thinking about people, initiatives, and groups that inspire you. Even though you might never directly connect with these people and initiatives, they are important for pointing you in the direction of finding your people! Spend some time identifying what you are drawn to in these people and initiatives:
● How do you want to feel when you are doing your work with others?
● What type of work would you like to be doing with people?
● Who do you share resonance with? What is this resonance based in?
● What are your non negotiables and dealbreakers?