Mainstream Western society is soundly steeped in an individualist paradigm that places the needs of the “I” before the needs of the largely community. But what if we were able to step outside of this hierarchical, binary logic? What if we didn’t view others as a threat to our peace, or compete with each other about who is most deserving of care? What if we were able to come to understand how by each of us meeting the needs of “me” allows us to show up to better meet the needs of the “we”? Shifting these webs of relation from self care to community care requires us to step outside of scarcity mindset, out of fear, and out of Ego, and into abundance, love, and Heart. More love and care for others does not mean less love for ourselves. But we need to be able to know our parts and pieces to be able to give ourselves what we need to show up for others from a place of love, rather than duty, obligation, and responsibility all of which lead to resentment. We are not talking about utopia here, but we are talking about a purposeful rewiring to meet each other in love, even when it’s difficult, messy, and hard. To see each other’s truest, most authentic expressions and to hold a collective social vision of networks of care. The only way to counter this constriction is through expansion, and building relationships of compassion and reciprocity by meeting each other in our hearts moment to moment as a conscious choice.
Week Four Self-Study Week Four: Compassionate Communication and Care
Identifying our unconscious patterns and pain bodies in order to show up as our best selves to meet each other in conflict and community takes work. So does growing into a new way of being in community that moves beyond duality and self/other, I/we frameworks. While identifying our shadow aspects and learning how to self soothe when our nervous systems are triggered is mainly preparatory and behind the scenes work, learning how to show up to meet each other in our hearts and from a place of presence takes continued in the moment practice.
Most of us move throughout the world from the place of the Ego Mind, which is continuously utilizing categorization and judgement to maintain an illusion of safety and control. While this can be helpful for situations such as when to cross the road, or when to keep working and when to take a break, it’s not the most helpful way of engaging with each other as complex humans. Humans can’t be right or wrong. We just ARE! When we being to shift into a place of Heart, we necessarily shift how we engage with each other and ourselves. Rather than viewing each other in binary terms of “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong,” we can shift to seek to understand ourselves and each other rather than to simply “know.”
Innocent perception is a tool that allows us to re enter a child like state where we engage with the world around us from a place of curiosity and awe: I wonder why they are doing that? I wonder why I said that? Isn’t this situation fascinating? As we rewire ourselves to suspend judgment, we come to a place of being able to witness what is happening around us. This doesn’t mean that we won’t shift into a place of judgement about a situation at some point, but it
Vocabulary: • Innocent Perception • Empathic Listening • Ho’oponopono Mantra Readings: • Excerpt from Radical Dharma • “Core Cultural Values,” excerpt from Sheri Mitchell’s Sacred Instructions • Comics by E.T. Russian in Toward an Ethics of Activism, ed. Frances S. Leem Concepts:
InnocentPerception:
Innocent Perception becomes very important for learning new pathways of social relations as we are interacting with people from very different experiences, patterning, cultural grooming, embodiments, belief systems, worldviews, frames of reference, and communication styles.
Most of us listen in conversation simply to determine what we will say next, how to best respond not to simply receive. Empathic Listening does not listen to respond. Empathic Listening simply listens to listen. Empathic Listening is a whole body form of listening that pays attention to the energetics of the speaker and their words, how the words are received in our body, and non verbal cues. Empathic Listening allows us to try on what is being told to us from the perspective and experience of the speaker. We are able to energetically feel the emotions of the speaker and try them on in our body. For this brief window, we are able to gain valuable information about their life from their experience and perspective. The more we can open to this, the more we can learn how to de center our own experience and way of being. When we allow ourselves to simply witness and receive the experience of another, we will often find ourselves taking on a humbler posture. It also teaches us how to honor ourselves and another simultaneously. When engaging in Empathic Listening it’s not our job to judge, respond, fix, or help. It is simply our job to hold space, witness, and be present with the what Imagineis. what would happen if Empathic Listening became our dominant mode of communication in society.
Innocentjudgement.Perception allows us to engage with the world from a place of wanting to understand rather than a place of needing to be right. It is an open stance that allows us to take in the data before we interpret it.
does mean that we are not being unconsciously dragged around by
EmpathicListening:
InnocentPerception:
: This is a traditional indigenous Huna Hawaiian forgiveness prayer that literally translates as “to make right.” This mantra can allow us to clear, or “burn,” accrued karma in our field that is serving as a strangle hold on our hearts. Resentment, hatred, and judgment create resistance in our field, essentially locking us out of our own hearts and love. This works ancestrally, too, so that if we are born into a lineage of hardened hearts, we will be burning karma off not just for ourselves, but for our entire lineage. If we are born into a social group with more accrued karma, we will be clearing for ourselves and also for the collective. We can also be clearing for ourself in past life incarnations.
• Is this thought true? How do I absolutely know that it is true? Could something else be true?
• Is this thought helpful? Is it taking me out of the present moment?
Practices:
This week note how your mind responds to undesired situations and circumstances. Rather than rushing to “know,” or judging a situation as “good” or “bad,” see if you can begin to stay curious about what is happening around you. Note any overarching mind patterns that prevent you from staying with the full “what is” of a situation. As we begin to train the mind to become more flexible and curious, we allow ourselves to stay in heart and in the present moment. Begin with a thought that you are having about an event in your life. Ask yourself:
The Ho’oponopono Mantra works on an energetic level, so that even if someone is not in a place to receive our request for forgiveness face to face or if we are not in a place to forgive someone face to face we can do this work behind the scenes. When we say the Ho’oponopono Mantra we are saying it soul to soul, heart to heart, asking to be seen as our Divine Selves and to be forgiven for our human mistakes, which result from us responding to each other out of fear rather than out of love.
Ho’oponoponoMantra
From here, consider people and ideas that you have a hard time understanding. Rather than assuming that you know where these thoughts, words, and actions are coming from, see if you can interrupt the runaway train of the mind to come back to a place of curiosity. Try asking yourself:
EmpathicListening:
• What does love look like in this situation?
• Where is my judgement coming from around this person/idea?
• Am I able to collect the “data” without jumping to value judgments?
• Am I able to navigate the uncertainty and ambiguity of the situation without trying to control it or “know” the “right” way?
• Can I stay curious and fascinated by this situation instead of judging it?
• Can I try on their perspective to see how they might be experiencing this situation/idea?
• Is it true that I know what is leading this person/people to say/do these things?
• What context do I have for understanding this person/situation?
This week begin to notice how you are showing up to engage in conversations with those around you. Empathic Listening can be especially powerful when done in conversation with someone who challenges you. During your conversation:
• Is it possible that this person does not understand the consequences of their thoughts/words?
• What am I being asked to learn in this situation? About myself? About them?
• How can I respond to this person from a place of love? Now watch yourself respond to a situation you are having difficulty accepting. Ask yourself:
• Is it true that this person/people is deliberately trying to cause pain by saying/doing these things?
Followingpatternsthe conversation:
• Witness what you are experiencing in your body. Bring attention to your breath and do a body scan to notice what is coming up for you.
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• Notice what your comfort zone is in conversation with this person, without judgment. You are just getting the data:
• Set an intention to embody Innocent Perception. Simply witness, from a place of curiosity whatever it is they are saying.
• Ask yourself, did you learn? What new lessons or information did you receive about them, yourself, the world simply by listening from a place of presence?
o Do you zone out and think about what you have to do later? Do you think about how you will respond to them?
• Use your breath to bring you back to a state of presence.
• Avoid any tendency to want to comfort (physical touch, concerned gaze, nodding)
• Bring awareness to any judgement or resistance happening in your body to what they are sharing with you. Use your breath and Feel and Process tools to accept whatever vibrations are moving through you.
Acknowledge any rising discomfort about rewiring your listening
• See if you can maintain a sense of neutrality in your body as you listen.
o Do you tend to want to give advice, fix, or help?
Do you go to judgement or frustration?
o
• Sense into any non verbal communication or energetic information that you are able to plug into beyond their words
•
Once you are able to bring yourself to the place of witness, you might:
• Ask yourself, how did they seem to respond to this form of listening?
• Begin to practice “trying on” from your perspective what they might be feeling.
2. Forgive Others: Think about all the people in your life who have helped to create experiences for you to get your life lessons. They lowered their vibration and put on the cloak of imperfection in order to serve you in this lifetime so you could grow and transform and transcend any karma or negative experience. Imagine sitting across from these Master Teachers and repeating different rounds where you state the mantra to them and then allow yourself to receive them saying it to you.
1. Self Forgiveness: Forgive yourself for anything that you may still hold against yourself. It can be helpful to have your Ego self sit across from your Soul self, apologizing for forgetting your infinite nature, and having your Soul self receive the mantra to release and clear your earthly mistakes.
4. Collective Karma Clearing: Imagine different social issues and/or groups that are in need of release and healing. Witness them. Try on the dynamics. Take on the role of perpetrator. Offer your mantra for collective healing.
Thankyou , thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you . . .
Ho’oponoponoMantra
Pleaseforgiveme , please forgive me, please forgive me. . .
I’msorry , I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. . .
:The mantra is powerful yet simple. Repeat each line as feels right before moving onto the next. You can move through the mantra as many times as you would like. The mantra is:
3. Clearing Lineage: Imagine your maternal and paternal lineages lined up in front of you. Repeat the mantra to clear karma for your ancestry and for the generations that were not able to come to a place of healing, and to ask for forgiveness for those your ancestors persecuted and harmed.
Iloveyou , I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you . . .