Unlearning Who We Thought We Were: Investigating Belief Systems
Week Two Self-Study
• “Grief, Trauma, and Intimacy,” excerpt from Sheri Mitchell’s Sacred Excerpt from Ta Nehesi Coates’s Between the World and Me
Instructions •
Vocabulary: Limiting Belief Systems Implicit DestinationDisposabilityPatternsMicroaggressionsBiasofVictimhoodPoliticsVibration Readings: • “The
From our moment of birth, we have been groomed within a countless number of familial, social, cultural, religious, educational, and institutional paradigms that are not reflective of our true nature, which is love. We will often move through our lives completely unaware of the degree to which unconscious programming is running the show, and that so many of the behavioral patterns and belief systems that frame our reality are not actually “ours” at all. Unlearning who we thought we were to come home to a more nurturing, nourishing, authentic state of existence takes courage, curiosity, and a whole lot of compassion. One of the most important things to remember is to be gentle with ourselves as we are unlearning generations of collective logics that perpetuate harm by limiting each other’s humanity. While we want to be accountable to ourselves and others to do the work on ourselves, we can also do it gently, as an expression of love towards ourselves and others rather than as self punishment for being “bad.” Pain Body,” excerpt from Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth
ImplicitBias:This relates to ways in which a person is unaware of how their belief systems and worldview inform their thoughts and behaviors in society. These unconscious belief systems come to affect their actions and relationships with others in the world. These are limiting belief systems that come to impact the quality of life of others. The more we are able to bring these belief systems into the conscious mind, the more we are able to be present and aware while taking accountability for our own filter when engaging with those around us.
Concepts:
LimitingBeliefSystems: A major way that our reality is filtered through our individual lens is through ideas that we have learned and internalized about ourselves and about life. These Limiting Belief Systems are learned very young through our family and friends, as well as through the social and cultural environments we were groomed within. Because we are so entrenched in them, we believe them to be “natural” and “right” and “true.” It can be incredibly challenging to find our way out of structures of belief that we do not even know are there! When we can begin to bring some awareness to these less than helpful limiting beliefs, we can begin to ask ourselves if we actually know these things to be true, and if it’s possible that they are not. From here we can get curious about where they come from, where we learned them, and begin to heal these parts of ourselves that learned to shrink ourselves for other people’s comfort. Many of these beliefs are connected to needing to be “good” and to “belong” (i.e. people pleasing).
When we release our dependence on outside validation, we allow ourselves to heal from phantom fears and other people’s attempt to project their fears onto us out of their own traumas, insecurity, lack of awareness, and internalized limiting belief systems. By saying “no” to these limiting stories and belief systems we also ourselves to move out of an ethos of self denial and scarcity and into abundance, prosperity, and gratitude. When we begin to say “yes” to ourselves and unplug from inherited cultural programming regardless of the what others around us think we honor the expansiveness of our souls and begin to move into a space of self sovereignty. We learn to nourish and trust ourselves. We flow into worthiness, we honor our needs, we allow ourselves desires and wants, we allow ourselves to take up space. We open up to the opportunity of radical self love. By releasing ourselves from external constraints, we allow. Until we do this, we will continue to perpetuate harm to ourselves and others.
Microaggressions:Microaggressions are a symptom and example of Implicit Bias and Limiting Belief Systems. These are comments, assumptions, and gestures in social situations that are rooted in stereotypes of a social group. These are often enacted due to unconscious bias and downplayed or explained away due to their seemingly “micro” nature without considering their cumulative effects or harmful logics and impacts.
PatternsofVictimhood: We all have patterns of victimhood that arise when we are operating in fear and reactivity rather than a conscious state of awareness. These patterns surface any time we are unable to accept the “what is” in a situation, circumstance, or relationship in our lives. We often think that we are entitled to things being different than they are, and expect to be comfortable and have our needs met in every situation. We suffer when we cannot come to a place of acceptance for the “what is.” When we resist taking responsibility for our part in co creating an unwanted dynamic or situation, we will either project blame onto the unwanted dynamics with people or situations around us, or claim victimhood (as exemplified in “When White Women Cry”). In both situations we do ourselves a disservice by giving our power away rather from engaging from a place of accountability.
DisposabilityPolitics:Disposability Politics are rooted in a form of victimhood and punishment that seek to dismiss entire complex humans for a mistake or a series of mistakes. While boundaries are an important part of relationship building, there is a big difference between holding someone accountable to becoming the best version of themselves (Heart) and tearing someone down to make yourself feel “good” or “right” or “better than” (Ego). When unconscious trauma and pain smuggle themselves into our relationships, communities, and organizing efforts, we’ll often resort to Ego building practices that perpetuate harm by dismissing someone based on their mistakes rather than providing them an opportunity to be accountable to themselves and their community by taking responsibility for harmful actions and learning from them.
It is possible to establish healthy boundaries with someone who has harmed you and limiting their access to you without perpetuating Disposability Politics.
DestinationVibration:A practice for intentionally cultivating how you want to feel in your body when in relationship and community while moving through your day.
• Where do they come from? From here, begin to ask yourself the following questions about each belief:
LimitingBeliefSystems:Get into the habit of asking yourself, “is this true?” about your Limiting Belief Systems. By identifying our stories and staying curious about whether they are true, we can begin to do our own “fear chasing,” investigating where fear based Ego stories are keeping us stuck and playing small. Ask yourself:
Journaling Prompts:
• What is this really about?
• Is this belief serving me?
• What Limiting Belief Systems do I hold about myself and my worth?
• Do I want to believe this to be true?
• Is it possible that something else could be true?
ImplicitBias:While Limiting Belief Systems limit the quality of our own lives, Implicit Bias limits the quality of other people’s lives. This comes from the unconscious ways in which our worldviews and frameworks that we’ve adopted and inherited from family, society, and our own experiences influence how we come to interact with others.
1. Consider taking this Implicit Bias test to learn more about some of the ways in which Implicit Bias manifests for you
2. Spend some time combing through your memories, especially from childhood. Consider forms of Implicit Bias that were around you in relation to: o Family & Friends o Education & Teachers o Religious Institutions & Religious Mentors o News & Media o Geographical Location and Social Norms
• Journal about how and when you became aware of how these forms of Implicit Bias and Limiting Belief Systems structured the reality and worldview being espoused.
• How did you feel realizing that this person, place, or source of knowledge that you trusted held belief systems that negatively impacted another person’s quality of life?
• What fears do I hold onto?
• Sit with this previous self. Make room for everything they need to feel in their body as this previously unconscious pattern becomes conscious. Send them so much love and tenderness as they learn to work with this new part of themselves that does not align with who they thought they were. Send yourself forgiveness for that which you did not know about yourself.
• Reflect on how you responded to this information did you have a conversation with them about it? Did you confide in someone else? Were you confused? Did you compartmentalize it and overlook it? Did you work to integrate this information with the other information you had about this person, place, or source of information?
• How did it feel in your body?
• Was it based on how your words or actions were received?
• Was your recognition based on hearing yourself say or think something?
• How can you stay with yourself here and ask, where did that come from?
Microaggressions:Microaggressions are unconscious belief systems that show up in our language or how we engage with those we perceive to be different from us in ways that are rooted in stereotypes. Take a minute to consider a time when you committed a Microaggression.
• How did it feel to have someone name an unconscious bias that you were operating within that caused harm to another which you were unable to see for yourself?
• How did you know?
• When did you know?
• If you confronted the person or source about it, how was it met? What was their response to it? Were there any Fear Responses at play? How did you feel confronting the person or source about this bias?
• What stories did you tell yourself about realizing this new information? Were you able to accept it, or did you move into a Victimhood Pattern (blame, projection, denial, martyrdom, poor me)?
• Practice sending gratitude for Universe providing you with this life lesson to grow and release yourself from outdated cultural programming that does not support heart based relationships and communities.
• Were any of your Fear Responses “up” for you when someone named this unconscious belief system operating through you?
3. Consider a time when someone made you aware of your own unconscious, Implicit Bias:
• Is this what I want to say/think?
• What did I learn in this situation?
1.away.Take some time to notice your responses to those situations and relationships in your life that are not ideal. Get curious:
• When did I develop these patterns? What unmet needs were they created in response to?
• How can I forgive myself?
• Where did I learn this?
• How can I take responsibility for my words/actions?
• What stories do I tell myself about the aspects of my life that do not feel in alignment?
• Is my “go to” blame (fire/pitta)? Martyrdom (earth/kapha)? Escape (air/vata)? Victimhood stories aren’t rigidly connected to our doshic imbalances, but often overlap.
• What patterns of blame and victimhood do I notice in my life?
• Do these patterns differ in different areas of my life?
• Are there any areas in your life where you are more sensitive and find yourself easily dipping into patterns of victimhood? Are there specific themes or material that activate them?
• Are my victimhood stories preventing me from stepping into accountability and full responsibility for my actions and how I am showing up in relationship with others?
PatternsofVictimhood: When we are unable to accept the “what is” in a situation, circumstance, or relationship in our lives and our responsibility in attracting/building/allowing an unwanted dynamic or situation, we will often project blame onto the unwanted dynamics with people or situations around us or claim victimhood. In both situations we do ourselves a disservice by giving our power
2. Notice where and how your victimhood patterns come up in relationships and in situations of conflict.
Ask yourself:
• Ask yourself, what is this about?
• What am I afraid of learning about myself?
• What steps can I take to begin taking responsibility for these victimhood patterns in my life?
deeply rooted in judgement. When we judge ourselves harshly, we also often judge others harshly (whether we consciously admit to this or not). When we begin to treat ourselves with kindness, compassion, softness, and forgiveness, we naturally come to treat others with kindness, compassion, softness, and forgiveness. Deep self loathing, insecurity, and judgement cultivates envy and judgement of others. Deep self love cultivates love and understanding of others.
• How did I feel after responding in this way?
• What did my Ego seek to gain from treating someone else as disposable?
DisposabilityPolitics:We often discover how we want to be feeling in community and relationships by first learning how we do not want to feel. This is what we call Disposabilitycontrast.isaharmful
Ask1.yourself:Howhave I weaponized social justice rhetorics and/or perpetuated harm against others in my community due to a logic of disposability?
Ego tactic where we dismiss and/or are dismissed by others for making a mistake. This dismissal fuels the Ego and gives the perpetrator an energetic high by making them feel morally superior and more powerful claiming the moral high ground, being seen as “good” or “right” by proving someone else “bad” or “wrong.” This is often an unconscious, reactive decision that is motivated by an unhealed pain body. The truth is, we have all been disposed of, and we have all also disposed of others. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. Disposability Politics do not make room for this human messiness. What’s more, they do not allow for growth, accountability, and personal Disposabilityresponsibility.Politicsare
• What was the “data” or material of the situation?
• What unhealed part of myself was revealed?
• If I could have a re do to respond differently, how would I choose to respond?
• What vulnerability, Limiting Belief Systems, Implicit Bias, Victimhood Patterns, and insecurities motivated my words and actions?
• Are my victimhood stories preventing me from entering into a deeper relationship with others due to my unwillingness to accept full accountability and responsibility for my component of our relationship?
DestinationVibrationPractice: Attached is a recording of a Destination Vibration meditation that is focused on cultivating healthy relationships with yourself and others. This Destination Vibration allows you to begin practicing how you want to feel in your body when in community and moving through your day. It begins by focusing on intentionally building a shape to your life with yourself at the center and mindfully cultivating boundaries and healthy parameters with the relationships and communities in your life. Ask yourself: How do I want to be feeling in community and in relationship?
• What was the “data” or material of the situation?
• If I could have a re do to respond differently, how would I choose to respond to the situation in a way that both respected this person and honored my truth?
Practices: LifePurposeWheel:
EmbodiedSituationalAssessment:
• How can I forgive myself?
• What does holding this person/group accountable for their actions look like rooted in love of myself and this person/group?
• What unhealed part of this person/group was revealed by their actions?
• How can I forgive this person/group so that my heart may know peace?
2. When/how have I been harmed and how have social justice rhetorics been weaponized against you?
Attached is a recording of an Embodied Situational Assessment that allows you to scan your physical body to learn how to listen to what it’s telling you when you are feeling physically unresolved about a
• What vulnerability, Limiting Belief Systems, Implicit Bias, Victimhood Patterns, and insecurities motivated this person’s/group’s words and actions toward me?
• What did their Ego seek to gain from treating me as disposable?
Attached is a Life Purpose Wheel. Use it to help you identify your passions, resources, and skill sets to find your “sweet spot” to clarify how to share your gifts in community
• How did I feel after being treated in this way?
• What does owning responsibility and accountability for these actions look like out of love for myself and this person?
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o Depersonalize it. What power relations were at play?
• Try on the situation. Allow it to play out in your mind’s eye like a movie.
Prompt:Pull up a situation where emotions were high in a community setting or relationship dynamic Maybe you felt that someone accused you of something that was unfair, or you watched yourself have a reaction to someone or something that felt uncomfortable and unfamiliar. We’re going to get the data
• Notice any mind stories that are happening for you around this event. What is your mind telling you? What are the stories and belief systems it is cycling through?
• Try it on in the body. Scan the body. Notice where you feel sensation and the qualities of these sensations.
situation. It allows you to release any lingering charge so that you can bring yourself back to neutral.
o Ask yourself, without acting in fear, what is it that you wanted to say or do in this situation that reflects your heart’s truth?
• Notice anything you would label an emotion in the body. What are you feeling around this? How do you know?
o Personalize it. What wound, story, or belief system did it press for you?
• Begin to pull up an association of a time when you felt joy, ease, and peace. Allow that to wash over you envisioning it in your mind’s eye like it’s happening now. Feel it in your body. Take some deeper breaths. Notice if anything has shifted in your body.
o Ask yourself if it’s possible that your interpretation of the event was not the full picture. Take an intersectional lens to the event.
• Now pull up that initial association in your body while holding on to these vibrations of ease.
• Sit with this. Make room for all of it in your body. Send yourself compassion.