Trans Life! May 2018
Trans Life! We all come to times in our lives when we feel that there is a time for change. Sometimes we feel the need to be small and miniscule. Other times, it’s more like life changing. I wish to make a huge change. I want to introduce you to “Trans Life!” A first for me but I hope you enjoy it! “Trans Life!” will be a regular publication that is directed at transwomen of today, focusing on all aspects of women’s needs. Though there may be others who read it, we hope to satisfy the needs of transwomen. That is our primary intent. If you wish to submit ideas or stories, we definitely want and welcome them. Want to send a picture in to be the next cover girl? You only need to be over the age of 19. There is not an upper age limit, you only need to live your life as a woman. This is for all transwomen of all walks of life. I really hope that this will give you something to look forward to and I hope that it will leave you with the desire to forward the monthly link on to a friend or colleague that you feel they would appreciate the contents.
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CoverGirl! I am very sorry to say this. 6 hours after sending this to a public domain, the person wanted information deleted. This is an unfortunate incident and I apologize completely. This will not be standard practice. People being interviewed should always choose their words carefully.
Want to be the next Trans Life! Cover Girl? Email us! translifemagazine@hotmail.com 2|Page
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A glimpse back in time… This depiction was shortly after the girl in this picture came out, and it dawned on me. That the girl in this photo had no clue how her life was going to change. But she definitely knew it was going to change! She took steps to start that change, to start living, to become who she had been hiding. She just didn’t know how it was going to come out in the end. For her things were changing and changing pretty rapidly. She was hemorrhaging friends so fast it was scary. She was trying to seek out other like-minded women to understand more about herself. This was a very exciting and scary time for her! Trying to live her life and being shunned by those that knew that “other” person. And thankful for some of them for excepting her as she truly was. I look at her in this photo and I see a brave woman! If she has not laid the groundwork, I would not be here today! For I am her and she is me.
-Jennifer Lynn Mcclung-
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Learning How To Love Yourself‌
What does the typical woman hear every day of her life in either subliminal or manifest communication: - Be feminine, but not high maintenance. - Have a career, be a perfect wife, have the perfect kids, balance it all and look perfect. - Be able to cook, clean, sew, keep a budget, keep up on current events, and for bonus points, know enough about cars and sports to keep up with the boys. - You have a marriage - here’s how to do it properly - but be yourself too.
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- You are single - why? Here’s how not to be - but celebrate it if you are. - You have kids - here’s exactly what to do - but not that, here’s what else to do, but wait - here’s something new to do. - You don’t have kids - well why the hell not? You’ll want them. But if not that’s ok- sort of. You sure you don’t want them? Here’s all sorts of advice on how to get them by any means possible. -Gay? Bi? Fine but just be normal ok? Do your makeup and chat about apple turnover recipes so we don’t get nervous ok? -You’re sick? Well that’s ok but too much to do - here’s how to get over it ASAP but could you try to ignore it too because people are counting on you. -Mentally ill? Stressed? Aren’t we all. Here’s some advice, phone numbers, but no letting it get in the way of soccer practice for little Johnny. Oh, and it’s date night with hubby. You haven’t let yourself put on weight have you? Been using your creams and ointments so you don’t look a day over 25 right? -Trans woman? Oh, well that’s fine but you have to be the ultimate performance of femininity - not a trace of anything else will do. Let’s have the perfect makeup, the perfect hair, the perfect clothes. We don’t want to see any evidence of your journey.
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-You trans women have husbands or wives, kids, great! But we still want to only know where you got your shoes not how your transition is affecting you and yours. -Be perfect everyone! And smile! Does this ever get old? Did I just ask the most rhetorical question in history? Probably. I read what I just wrote and I’m exhausted. Anyone who’s sick of all this crap, raise your hand. Now that we have a unanimous vote, can I get everyone to relax for a second and realize that there is nothing we can do about outside influences except to grab a huge proverbial shovel and get rid of all the nonsense and keep what we like. Who doesn’t want to love themselves? Who doesn’t want to give the cold shoulder to society’s expectations and be only who we want to be? It’s a difficult task but I think we’re all up to it because guess what? We are all perfect just the way we are. It may seem simple and trite but it is the ultimate truth and the best way to happiness. In this series, we are going to explore different ways to love our true and unique selves, our authenticities and eccentricities. It is possible and it is healthy. See you soon, in the meantime just breathe, breathe again and rock the world like the wonderful queen of awesomeness that you are! -Erin Shaw-
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How to whiten your teeth without strips or tricks with this one simple trick! It is only at the first encounter that a face makes its full impression on us. - Arthur Schopenhauer
It is important to make a decent first impression, especially because meeting that person that seems so interesting can change to a negative if they have bad teeth, or yellow plaque on the corners. Teeth show how much you take care of yourself. Showing off your good healthy teeth gives people that positive first impression. Your teeth are one of the first things other people see. And don’t worry about that one tooth leaning over the other, some people even think that is cute! No, it’s really how well taken care of they are! “My sister has nice white teeth and she never uses those strips. Or any whitening toothpaste. What’s up with that!” my friend asked the other day. It is true that using strips or whitening toothpaste makes is so much easier to whiten your teeth. With a busy lifestyle, good oral hygiene is often hard to keep up. At the same time, you want to show your nice teeth and not second-guess yourself when you smile. But seriously, those strips can be quite pricey! And you have to keep the strips on for about 20 minutes, every day. There has to be a better way for that! The tooth whitening industry in 2017 was about $900 million but it is expected to grow to almost 7.5 billion US dollars in the next 6 years. So, we can expect a serious development in that market. 7|Page
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Being transgender does not automatically mean you are on a budget. However, proper clothes, underwear, hormones and surgery cost a sweet dime already. So how can you still get the same result, pass in the opposite gender with a proper appearance and still have a good smile? So, let’s talk teeth! First, you need to ask yourself a few things: 1. How many times do you brush your teeth every day? Yes, I know that your mother, father or a caregiver used to ask you this. And probably if you put on clean underwear this morning. As an adult, we care about the underwear, but are you still brushing your teeth at least twice every day, in the morning when you get up and before you go to bed? If not...you may want to start here. 2. What toothpaste do you use? This does not need to be a whitening toothpaste, honestly. Preferably, use a brand name as these could contain more fluoride but a generic is often the same quality. Use enough; do not put just a little on the tip only covering 20% of the brush in the toothpaste. The brush should be covered with a decent amount for at least 70 -80% of the brush. 3. The actual toothbrush. I am going to say here to find a better quality one. You can find them at the dollar store so when it comes to price you can find a top quality brush at discount rates. The brush needs to be straight. Choose Soft! This is very important! Most dentist recommend a soft toothbrush to remove plaque and stains but will not harm gums or enamel. 4. What do you consume every day that affects your teeth? Coffee? Tea? Soda? Coffee and tea can give you yellow teeth. Then there is the part your mother always told you: sugar, candy, donuts, chocolate, chips and alcohol. By knowing that you 8|Page
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consume these, you have an advantage. You can tone down on them and even if you cannot, there is a good part: as long as you stick to the regimen below your teeth are not going to give away your ‘addiction’. “So, what is your solution?” The solution is time. Seriously, time. With your three items, brush, toothpaste and number of brushes per day you are going to brush for at least five minutes every day. Instead of barely covering the tip of your brush with toothpaste and doing wishy-washy brush and rinse, use some of these tricks to get to the five minutes you need: 1. Start brushing and put on your shoes in the meantime 2. Pack your bag while brushing 3. Stare out of the window 4. Watch the news 5. Hum with the songs on the radio 6. Brush everywhere, every corner, from the left to the right the most and up and down. This will create the time that the fluoride needs to clean your teeth. Cleaning your teeth takes time. So only by sticking to this routine twice a day for a longer period will get you the results. Now remember a human body is not designed to have ultra white teeth. You can only get that result with whitening strips or toothpaste. Ultra white teeth can be perceived as fake, which could give others a wrong impression. So with daily brushing with a proper brush and decent toothpaste you will get a nice white set of teeth that any normal human being would be proud to have. You should start to get results after a week and by this time you will have established a new habit!
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But I need white teeth now! There is also a low budget solution if you are in a time crunch or have an important event coming soon: 1. Get a small bowl of baking soda 2. Mix lemon juice with the baking soda. 3. Start off small and use the paste on your toothbrush and brush brush brush! The taste is of course quite salty and different from normal toothpaste but it’s important for direct result that you keep brushing at least 15 minutes. Every so many minutes spit out what is in your mouth and get a bit more foam on your toothpaste. 4. The result is there immediately! You can only do this every 14 days as it affects your enamel. Go back to normal tooth brushing as described before and use this only as an emergency. -Leanne Geurts-
Editors notes: not all people have the genetics to have perfectly white teeth. Please consult a professional to see if your teeth will benefit from whitening techniques such as those above and with any other questions about dental health.
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I thought it would never happen to me. But… I have found a new love! Silvia Christiano (37) transitioned four years ago. Born as Miguel, Christiano realized one day ‘he’ could no longer be a man. “I never imagined something like that actually excited,” Silvia explains. “I was married, my wife and I had three beautiful children. We lived in New Jersey at the time. As an engineer, I had a more than decent income and my wife was a principal at the middle school my children attended. When my oldest son discussed how they had met a transgender person, male to female, he would not stop asking questions. Like if a man like that would start loving other men once of a sudden. Honestly, I did not 11 | P a g e translifemagazine@hotmail.com
know the answer. It got me thinking. Online I looked for answers; some websites were pretty graphics in showing details about what was possible. It was possible to have a vagina constructed which allowed for genuine orgasms, it blew my mind. I felt pretty uneducated, being an engineer. We didn’t discuss ‘the matter’ at home anymore. The company I worked for was doing well. My wife got sick and went on sick leave. I was pretty busy. My wife and I had been together for almost 20 years and gone through thick and thin. She had become my friend and my everything. Seeing her so sick and battling the medication hurt me to my core and I prayed hours away wishing I could take away her pain!
“… Excuse me? Are you male or female?” I managed the home finances on my own by taking on extra projects. Projects with co-workers from other departments. One of them surprised me one day when she asked: ‘I don’t mean to be rude but do I address you as ‘she’ or ‘him’? I asked what she meant and she explained she had doubts as to what gender I was and wanted to address me in a proper way. Which in itself was polite. But when I said I was ‘male’ and she could address me as ‘him’ and ‘mister’ my words missed their value. And she noticed. Right away. ‘If it changes just let me know. I want to keep all the respect you deserve’. A thousand thoughts went through my head on my way home. I admitted that the whole concept of transitioning had stayed with me since my son had asked questions. Over time I had tweaked my outfit and looks. During lunch hours I visited a laser specialist who took care of my beard. I still used the razor in the morning to not raise suspicion, but my wife never noticed the difference. That day, I shaved my legs and tried on my wife's skirt. I felt good, 12 | P a g e translifemagazine@hotmail.com
looked good! This was only going to be a one-time thing. At least, that’s what I told myself. But the door to my future had opened. I felt ashamed having these feelings. For how long had I been ‘tweaking my outfit’ and was my change not obvious? I drove to the next town all dressed up and noticed I passed very well as a woman. Some men even hit on me! This was definitely a different side of me until one evening I had such fun I realized this was me. How could I ever go back? I played the role for another year. Being the perfect man at home, performing my sexual deeds to the woman who I loved to so much and being the dad, I was supposed to be. A black day… My employer of 22 years wasn’t as supportive as I thought. After discussing my issues with the HR department, I was suspended almost the day after. I tried to get my boss on the phone all day long that day, but I never heard back from them. And I had to tell my wife. I had lost my job. She had gone back to hers. It took only one day for her to find out why and our marriage ended then and there. The woman I had loved so much turned into an evil person who didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I drove off in my truck with a few of my belongings. I drove across the state and landed in New York. It felt horrible, I slept in the car and drove on the next day until I reached the city. I rented a room but went out the same night. The bar I went to was hiring transgender dancers. That’s how I ended up being a dancer. I was a bit shy in the beginning, but we had tons of fun. One of the girls was Amber. I am not sure if that was her real name but she was far from feminine and people loved her. She swore at customers and danced in a very masculine way. It was fun and the people loved it! 13 | P a g e translifemagazine@hotmail.com
I made more money on some evenings than I had done in my old job! But it felt desperate. I hoped no one from my old life would come in and notice me. Eventually, I felt pretty hot in my high heels and shiny hose. “The day that changed my life” “I met Silvia at the gender clinic”, Mallory May says. “She was still iffy about her name and gender and introduced herself as Miguel. ‘But what is your real name?’ I asked, ‘how do you want me to call you? Miguel turned out to be Silvia and I called her Silvia since. Silvia was confused but I felt so much warmth with her. And she was so funny. I lost my husband two years ago. When I cleaned up in the house I found his journals. He had been a crossdresser. I loved him so much. If only I had known! But he was afraid. I understand why there is so much misconception about crossdressing and transsexuality. Silvia changed my life. We went out together and we talked a lot about life and us. The more we talked the more we figured out we belonged together.” I (Silvia) felt horrible losing my family. And my job. It’s definitely a black hole in my life. I must not have deserved it. I felt naïve that transgender people have to go through this. I got my fair share of discrimination. People jumping to conclusions and blaming transgender people for the weirdest things. Most of them really don’t have a clue. I have something beautiful now. Mallory and I don’t live together, we still have separate apartments. I started a
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small company in my old industry and am doing well. But the best thing that happened to me: I found love again! -Leanne Geurts-
Do you have a real story you would like to tell us about? Maybe your personal transition? Are you a fictional fantasy or lovestory writer perhaps? Email us and tell us about it. Translifemagazine@hotmail .com
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Transition Story Sandra P. reveals her truth about transitioning from male to female and shares what she feels are the most important steps that will make you more feminine! Sandra (47, IT-developer) started her transition five years ago. We talked to her in her favorite coffee shop. At first there was confusion with finding Sandra. She put a lot of effort in her transition as we had a hard time believing this was the actual Sandra who agreed to tell about her transition. But Sandra laughed hard at that and she showed ID and pictures of her changes. 16 | P a g e translifemagazine@hotmail.com
‘When I just started transition I couldn’t wait till it was all over. I imagined it would all be over in two or three years,’ says Sandra. ‘I wore high heels and silk pantyhose, skirts. I took hours making myself up, enjoying the soft brushes with colours; I was Monet, painting a better version of myself!’ ‘I know it’s hard for transgender people out there. For forty some years I was taught to think in gender confirming roles and then …bang! One day you come to realize that you, (yes you!) have looked at those patterns with a nagging gut feeling that something was wrong. We have all been there, one way or another. For the outside world, it is the same as realizing that walking forward no longer applies to you. You need to walk backwards! Does that sound stupid? Well, it is! Because now you have to change everything. Your voice, the way you dress, the way you talk. It all needs to change! On top of that, the frustration you feel with this transition cannot be shared with family, your spouse, or your friends. Why? Because they are gone! They never wanted you to change to begin with!’
Sandra’s main physical change appears clearly in the pictures. Two years after her transition, laser therapy shows a softer face, beard shadow gone. Her friendly eyes nicely made up, looking back at us in the pictures. ‘I watched those video’s where some claim to have transitioned in 6 months and of course that is what I wanted! Then you realize 17 | P a g e translifemagazine@hotmail.com
that in real life something like that is not possible. Hormones need their sweet time to change your body.’ What was your secret? ‘There is really no secret. Work on your voice! Work, work, work, on that voice! Even cis gender men who have feminine voices are perceived as women, I have seen it so many times before! Other people judge by what they hear. Because that is something, you do not change by nature. Other big changes for wom en transitioning is to take good care of your hair, invest in a proper shampoo with conditioner. Let it grow out. Second, get laser therapy! A nail technician can give you good nails but they can also explain how to maintain beautiful nails of your own.’ How about your work? ‘They “phased” me out. Of course. I was working in a niche industry and had a hard time finding work. I did what probably everyone does: I found online jobs and slowly crawled from the hole, called transition hell’ You lost a lot? ‘I lost everything. My wife supported me in the beginning. That was a great relief, I loved her so much, and when we met, it was love at first sight. Then she fell in love with someone else and that was a slap in the face. I had another one coming when friends and family said: “Well what do you expect; you decided to change from one day to another!” That was extra painful. You do not decide to transition. ‘
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You seem to have done well for yourself. ‘Eventually I realized that time is the helping factor. The wounds of a broken marriage, transitioning and work. Yes, I did well. My wife called me up one day stating her ‘fling’ with her friend had turned out to be nothing. He was half her age and was only interested in her sex. I hated how I felt good about her misery. It is how she made me feel though, misery. We are good friends now, we somehow live together. I am not ashamed I felt good about what happened to her. I always respected her and never had any intention to end the relationship or jump in bed with someone else! That was a misconception. I work as an independent consultant. I have one employer I do most of my contracts for. I keep the door open for others though, I just finished a contract in Canada and it feels good to work in two countries and I would be happy to include more!’ You get hit on? Laughing… yes. All the time. What advice would you give to novice male to female trans genders? ‘Meditate. I know it sounds corny but meditate. Don’t judge other so you will not feel the impact of being judged by others. That is a really important factor when you transition. Your brain will easily overflow with thoughts about ‘what you are suppose to do to pass as a woman’. Meditation every day will bring back that ‘point of zero’ where there are no thoughts and no worries.
By Leanne Geurts
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On April 12 in Houston there was an unveiling of a new LGBTQ Pride wall to promote visibility for the LGBTQ community. The #BeVisibleHTX wall is a collaboration between Eric Edward Schell, creator and photographer for Pride Portraits, his partner and local transgender rights activist Crimson Jordan, Houston artist-designer Hugo Perez and Jenni Tranweaver, owner of Jenni’s Noodle House donated the wall. The wall displays a quote from Obergefell written for the 2017 Equality March for Unity and Pride: “I march because of the people who marched before me. Thanks to them, I live in a better world due to their bravery, and I owe it to them and those who come after me to continue the fight for equality.” Amanda Turner visited the wall recently and submitted these pictures for all to enjoy!
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Black Bean Brownies This is a family classic, super easy to put together, dairy and gluten free! Ingredients: 1 (15.5 ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained 3 eggs 3 tablespoons vegetable oil 1/4 cup cocoa powder 1 pinch salt 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 3/4 cup sugar (white or brown) 1 teaspoon instant coffee (optional) 1/2 cup milk chocolate chips (optional) 1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
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Make sure the is preheated to 350 degrees Fahrenheit or 175 degrees Celsius. Use a medium baking dish (approximate size 8x8") and grease the sides and the bottom. This way the brownies will come out easier in the end. Measure all of your ingredients carefully. Then just put the black beans, eggs, oil, cocoa powder, salt, vanilla extract and sugar in a large measuring cup (add the instant coffee if you like a mocha flavor). First mix it together, then use an immersion blender to blend it all. The substance needs to be smooth before you pour it in the baking dish. Sprinkle with nuts and/or chocolate ships if you prefer. Bake the dish in the oven until the top is dry. It's easy to determine this; you will see the sides have pulled away slightly. Total baking time is about 30 minutes. Let it cool. Now this will be a crumbly snack, however if you put the dish in the fridge overnight your Black Bean Brownies are smooth and silky in the morning! Just cut up into 16 portions and enjoy! (possibly with a frozen non dairy dessert)
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“Words in a transwoman’s life”
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This could be your free space ad! Email
translifemagazine@hotmail.com
to find out more!!!
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***The following pages are a trigger warning for some. Please realize the significance before entering. *** As the editor of this magazine, I have struggled with a difficult decision this past month. I have decided that including what follows this explanation IS important. We hear of people in our community who have been murdered often, far too often. We have even made November 20th an international day to remember them called Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR). I have struggled with TDOR planning as planners often say suicide doesn’t apply to TDOR naming or remembrance. It may not have been a crime that killed them. But in a way the system has let them down. Society has let them down. They felt the only way they could get the pain to stop‌ was to leave this world. I want to make a space where these people can be respected. And remembered as well. I want people to know who these people were. I want someone to ask why they could not find their way. The only way to stop this is to fix the issues! Starting with this Issue we will publish names / pictures / and information about transgender people who have committed suicide. Please contact myself directly at translifemagazine@hotmail.com to submit a person to remember. Complete respect will be maintained at all times.
Autumn Bourque
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“TRANSGENDER SUICIDE�
In Memory of all those who have died by their own hand. May they have found peace from their inner turmoil and the compassion of love that they could not find in life. May we comfort those who mourn their loved ones. Help us strengthen them to face the questions of pain, the guilt and anger, the irreparable loss. In their memory, may we reach out in love to others who prefer death to the choices of life and to the families who struggle to support them.
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Kelly Gartland April, 2018 Gone, but never forgotten. You will be missed so very much! 32 | P a g e translifemagazine@hotmail.com
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