5 minute read
A story of Minds and Manners
The woman who interrupts me is tall and skinny. She works in the laundry department of Hoanib Valley Camp. "Sorry. Can you please say that again? I want to write it down."
I repeat: "You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to be and do. You are the author of your life story."
One of the men fumbles with his booklet. He cannot read. When we talk about personal values and each person has to identify a role model or idol that inspires them, his name comes up four times. He is a generous soul who cooks and bakes beautiful food, all by heart, teaching anyone interested how to make his famous carrot cake.
This gentleman, in turn, names the operations director of Natural Selection, Louis Nortje, as his hero, the very man who commissioned us to hold this workshop for his staff, hundreds of kilometres from anywhere, in this beautiful nowhere.
We talk about stories, the universal catalyst for human connection. I ask, because I know it is the only way to bypass preconceptions. What reason is there for anybody who endured the collateral damage of struggling, impoverished communities, limited or no education and a culture of alcohol abuse and teenage pregnancy to tell me their story?
"What is your earliest childhood memory of being happy?"
The woman who wanted to write down that she is not what happened to her tells the story of a prize-giving at her school. It was a big affair, and all the children wore their best clothes. She had no dress, so her mother made her one from her headscarf. She ran to school barefoot, hair standing up straight. Late to arrive, she stood outside, peering in, embarrassed by her clothes and lack of grooming.
When it was time for her grade's prize-giving, she heard her name called out for the best results in the first subject. Shy and shocked, she didn't move. The second subject got called, and again she was top of her class. By then, the teacher was scanning the hall, spotted her and beckoned her to the stage. Subject after subject, her name was called.
"The teacher was so proud. She picked me up and swung me around, kissing my cheek."
Over the course of two days, we tell stories. I explain how the brain works, how human beings tend to believe the worst, and how we sabotage our relationships and lives in a misplaced attempt of the limbic part of our brain to protect us. We talk about the story of the nervously barking dog that makes too much noise, the beautiful strong horse that is the frontal cortex, and the incredible power that self-awareness and mindfulness give you to live your best life. Elmarie talks about good manners, communication, self-care and personal grooming. Things most people take for granted are crucial skills for anyone, especially those in the hospitality Industry.
The hero chef who shares his carrot cake recipe wants to share this epiphany with his people. "Please, if we can make a video of your story? Nobody ever spoke to us before about this. About the brain and the different things it can do. I didn't know. Everybody must know." I am humbled. I have done story workshops and personal development engagements with people from all walks of life across various industries and institutions: schools, teachers, corporate companies, hospitals, start-ups and entrepreneurs. Eyes always light up when the penny drops and they realise they are not victims of circumstance. That they have choices and power.
Yet there is something incredibly moving about this audience's openheartedness, willingness, and even eagerness to hear this story.
In the evening they serve us dinner under the stars at beautifully set tables, the fading light settling the day's oppressive heat.
Theirs are stories of harsh lives and few opportunities. To have a job at a prestigious lodge is a testament to their spirit. They are leaders in their communities, the providers, living far from home, sending back money to feed and clothe. They bow, serve, clean, wash and cook for visitors who say luxury and privilege fluently. They do so with pride and with gratitude. We visit three more of the Natural Selection establishments. The stories come. With tears and laughter and, ultimately, resolution. Each time we leave enriched by the people we had come to "teach". Our stories have become part of one another's.
"There was my life before, and there will be my life after this", the woman who won the school prizes says when we say goodbye. She works in the laundry. One of her gifts and interests is to keep records and count of things. Who knows where her story will go?
And yes, we also talked about the ideal uniform fit, speedy service and attention to detail. How to present tea properly and make eye contact when you speak or are spoken to.
But, these are not the things that will make the definitive difference to the Natural Selection Experience.
The difference will be in a straighter backbone. In a more confident gait and a stronger sense of self. It will be the difference between getting good service and being hosted.
The return on investment for the leaders of these people who prioritise their wellbeing will not only be in better business.
It will be in the characters that evolve. In lives better lived, freedom from captive mindsets and a good story, well told.
