The power of self-talk

A happiness hack is knowing about the content that goes on in our own heads. Whether we are ready to admit this aloud or not, we all talk to ourselves all day long. We don’t necessarily verbalise this dialogue and we call it “thinking”.

All day, every day as our minds try and analyse the world around us, our heads are filled with a non-stop stream of thoughts, questions and observations. Did you know, however, that you don’t have to believe everything you think?

The reason we don’t have to believe everything we think, is that our thoughts are not always true. Our thoughts are mostly based on our own interpretation of the world around us. While it is true that you will experience each of your thoughts, they don’t always represent what is true about the world. Most of the time your thoughts are just a story you tell yourself to make sense of the world. Sometimes making sense of the world comes across as very negative thoughts, filled with worries and fears.

Have you ever paid attention to how your body responds when having these types of thoughts? We have physical responses to our thoughts which may include tightened muscles, headaches or back pain. Have you also noticed what happens to your emotions when we are in a negative headspace? Have you ever found yourself snapping at someone else, or being in a grumpy mood and stopped to wonder what role your selftalk (your thoughts) had in getting you there?

With our busy schedules, and our need to rush from obligation to obligation, it can feel like life passes us by very fast. In this state we seldom take the time to notice what is going on inside ourselves. This is the cause of much of our own suffering. While it is in our nature to try to make sense of events and apply meaning, we often do this without all the information. We treat our thoughts as facts. However, thoughts are temporary and fleeting.

In one study, the Rogelberg Study, it was uncovered that negative self-talk busies your mind up and stops your creative ability. Which only serves to make us feel worse about ourselves.

Often, we are harder on ourselves than we are on others. It’s not because we want to be, it’s because we don’t know how to manage our negative self-talk. In order to change our negative self-talk, we need to first become aware of what is happening in our heads all day.

Talking back to ourselves is one cure for negative self-talk. By asking ourselves if our thoughts are factual, or just our interpretations, is one place to start. Once you get into the habit of observing your self-talk, noting whether or not it is constructive, you will find it that much easier to nip the negative thoughts in the bud.

Another solution to negative self-talk is to not hold yourself to an impossible standard of performance. This comes with knowing that even the great successes had a path lined with failures. Failures are how we learn and grow. Or perhaps you could try calling it out. According to researcher David Rock, “labelling our negative emotions is an effective way of shortcircuiting their hold over us.” By giving our inner critic a name or calling it out for what it really is – jealousy, insecurity, fear, etc – we disempower the critic.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

So the question now is, what do you say to yourself about yourself? Because if what you think about yourself is not in support of your dreams, then maybe it’s time to stop believing everything you think.

Kirsty Watermeyer