True faith 122

ISSUE 122

15/16

NEWCASTLE UNITED FANZINE - THE ALTERNATIVE VIEW - 2015/16 SEASON

N A Z I T R A P E I D

R O E G

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E-MAIL: editor@true-faith.co.uk WEBSITE: www.true-faith.co.uk EDITOR: Michael Martin DEPUTY EDITOR: Gareth Harrison ART & DESIGN: Glenn Ashcroft & Michael Martin ILLUSTRATIONS: Marc Jennings marcjennings.co.uk PHOTOGRAPHY: Matt Flynn, Colin Ferguson & Carl Haynes PROOFREADING - Neil Huitson WEBSITE: Glenn Ashcroft & Michael Martin

Editorial.................................................... pg4

Arrested Development....................... pg44

TBAWE...................................................... pg6

A captain’s tale..................................... pg48

Optimism................................................ pg11

Cartoons................................................. pg52

Derby Disaster....................................... pg14

Feel every Beat..................................... pg53

Come in no.9 your time is up......... pg16

End of Empire....................................... pg62

Community Service............................. pg20

The boy from Brazil............................ pg64

Touching Distance............................... pg24

Did the club invest all it could in the summer?................... pg70

Tough Crowd.......................................... pg28 The worst of times?............................ pg31 Judas?....................................................... pg34 Here’s what you could have won.. pg36 TPR of Tyneside v Talksport & the white van men of Essex........ pg40 Jubilee - Is Newcastle actually better without the football team?.... pg42 www.true-faith.co.uk

tf Podcasts............................................. pg77 Postcards from the edge................... pg78 The Secret Diary of Lee Ryder........ pg80 60 second season - 1914/15.......... pg84

COPYRIGHT: All items(c) true faith. Not to be reproduced without the prior permission of true faith.

STATEMENT: This is NOT an official product of Newcastle United FC. NOTICE: All views expressed are the views of the author and do not always represent the views of true faith.

CONTRIBUTIONS: All contributions to true faith are welcomed, encouraged and considered for publication - letters, articles, photos etc.

NEVER FORGOTTEN: L.J. & M. Martin.

NEXT ISSUE: TF 123 OUT: SEE WEBSITE/TWITTER

Depression, drugs, delusion & Mr Ashley’s big shop..................... pg86

SUBMISSIONS FOR NEXT ISSUE: SEE WEBSITE/TWITTER

The End................................................... pg90

© true faith. tf 3

editorial

Welcome to tf 122.

Once again I’m starting off an editorial here with United on another massive downer. Despite a new Head Coach in the summer with a revamped backroom staff as well as £50m invested in new players we’ve had the worst start to a season in our entire history. We were disgracefully bad at home in the League Cup to Sheffield Wednesday Reserves and deservedly exited the competition we had the best chance of progressing in. We have lost another derby by an emphatic score-line and as I write (before the Stoke game) we are second bottom of the Premier League.

There have been some horrific performances – Sheff Wed (h), West Ham (a), Swansea (a) andWatford tf 4

tf 122 November 2015 editor@true-faith.co.uk

(h) were straightforwardly horrific whilst losing 6-1 at Man City stunned the travelling support.

in ten PL matches and we could not deal with Sheffield Wednesday’s second string in the League Cup.

Whilst many have assessed the squad as woefully short of quality in key positions – right through the spine of the team – from centrehalf to central midfield to centre forward there have been plenty who have questioned the quality of leadership and pride in the jersey from numerous players.

There are also far too many players on the books picking up big money who are currently contributing nothing – Tiote, Cisse, De Jong, Goufrann, Williamson, Obertan, Marveaux and Riviere who though injured is painfully short. All of those players should have been moved on in the summer and although £50m was spent on four players only three are in the side regularly and last season’s key buy De Jong looks to be a peripheral figure who is failing to live up to his billing. Cabella was returned to France from whence we have brought in Thauvin who despite an early flicker at Man Utd

Despite a whole close season of preparation the team does not yet have an identity in its style of play and although there have been moments here and there in several games where we have shown promise they simply have not been sufficient to give us any more than one win

@tfeditor1892

and against Northampton in the League Cup looks completely ineffective. Just to add to the gloom, Hatem Ben Arfa looks reborn at Nice. Sighs!

We’ve been told that the task of rebuilding United will be done over three windows and hints have been dropped that the club will be active in the January window. McClaren has spoken about the need to bring in proven PL experienced players and maybe break the U-25 rule in signing new talent.

However, it seems as if the Head Coach will have little say in the new players coming in and there will be no change to the CarrCharnley hegemony in that area. God knows what Bob Moncur’s role is on the football board but it maybe www.true-faith.co.uk

it is only marginally less influential than McClaren’s.

So, as things stand we seem to be a long way from top eight finishes and if we hadn’t been promised differently it wouldn’t be unreasonable to suppose the “No Cups” policy was still in full force.

Of course it is no mystery why we are in this position.

There has been consistent under-investment in the playing staff extending back years and one summer of half-decent investment isn’t going to quickly roll-back a mad period of Joe Kinnear as Director of Football and 12 months without signing a single first team player

At the start of the season McClaren asked for ten games before anyone made any judgements of what he is bringing to the Black & White planet. With only one Premier League win in ten the former England manager is now not unsurprisingly asking for a full season.

I think he may get it.

Charnley and Carr seem to have been fixated on bringing McClaren to SJP and simply set their faces against public opinion, adopt radio silence and hope for the best. Whether Ashley will allow his investment to be relegated to the Championship in the season when vast amounts of money are coming down the tubes as a result of an astonishing new set of TV deals is open to debate.

Of course it is no mystery why we are in this position.

There has been consistent under-investment in the playing staff extending back years and one summer of half-decent investment isn’t going to quickly rollback a mad period of Joe Kinnear as Director of Football and 12 months without signing a single first team player not to www.true-faith.co.uk

mention a youth academy that continues to fail to deliver. Good players have left and not been replaced on far too many occasions.

The hope we had for a turnaround in the club’s fortunes in the summer are painfully unfulfilled and if we are in the same PL position on New Year’s Day then alarm bells might start to ring.

As ever supporting Newcastle United is well, just bloody awful!

Though there are some rays of sunshine in Mag-World and you are reading it.

We’ve recently decided to bring our fanzine to you FREE of charge. It makes absolutely no commercial or business sense for us to bring it to you FREE but well, that’s never really been a major consideration

in this caper since we published Issue 1 in 1999.

As long as we can cover the costs then we’re fine. We think we can just about do that and it’s our ambition to be able to continue to develop what we do going forward.

What we do now know however is that the readership of this here fanzine is going to go through the roof and its not over-stating it to say what you are reading is quite likely to be the most widely read fanzine in the country.

Naturally, this is a Newcastle United fanzine and that will always continue to be the case but we do feel as though there is non-specific NUFC related material in these pages to attract an even wider fanzine loving crowd who may not even

be Geordies or even follow United. That’s fine and you are very welcome.

With a hugely increased readership what we can now offer to our expanding pool of writers is a huge readership for you. Every writer wants to be read and we think if you are interested in dipping your toes into fanzine writing then there’s no better place than here. Just drop me a line on editor@true-faith. co.uk and we’ll get you put to work.

I keep telling myself this Ashley purgatory at our club can’t go on forever but it’s a cold dark night that is driving away thousands of our friends from the stands.

Bah, enjoy this issue.

Keep On, Keepin’ On…

Follow Michael on twitter

tf 5

thru black & white eyes Sat Aug 08 Nought like starting a new season with the mackems 3 down to an ‘already relegated Leicester’ (according to many pundits) within 20 mins. Keep up the good work, Dick! Cattermole for England etc etc.

Swansea also look dead handy at Cheslea in a Premier League opening day that reminds me that the league is still jam packed with s**t.

Aug 09 Well that was better wasn’t it. An out of sorts Southampton, fresh from the Europa League on Thursday should really have beaten United, spurning two great chances but it would have been harsh on Steve McClaren’s new look United. Chancel Mbemba turned up in a tux and he and Winjaldum looked decent with the latter scoring a bit of a

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non-traditional worldly after a cross from Gabriel Obertan on his weaker foot. Something to build on at least. On the same day Arsenal hilariously lose at home to West Ham. Aug 11 McClaren’s patter is that SJP is good and we could have gotten all 3 from the opening day.

That first win would have been nice but I left SJP happier than pretty much the whole of last season.

We had a style of play and a plan. The press reckon Mitrovic is a radge.

He is, but he mistimed a tackle, he didn’t kneecap someone and then stamp on their face. Long season for our Serb. If he’s any good the press will be desperate to discredit him and us.

Aug 16 Due to the result and more importantly

the performance against Saints, I decided to drive to Swansea in an 8-seat taxi with a mate. Advice: don’t ever trust Newcastle United as NUFC were well beaten with Daryl Janmaat getting two soft yellows and Swansea running out easy winners.

Gary Monk is letting his mouth go off saying we tried to kick them. He’s a prick and wrong as we didn’t get close enough to Swansea to kick them, even with 11 men. I HATE THIS CLUB. Aug 17 United sign young French international Florian Thauvin for a reported £13 million taking our summer spending to over £50 million. It’s not enough though. More needed. A CB, CF, CM are all musts.

By my count we’ve signed Colback and Anita in 4 seasons as genuine

CM’s….only at NUFC. Aug 19 McClaren is convinced United are operating on a different level to last season. We’ll see, Steve. Win some games first. He seems to be getting on with local journos a lot better than his predecessors and I like the cut of his jib. Daryl Janmaat says sorry. It would be much easier to stay angry at him if he wasn’t so bloody good.

Aug 22 United draw at Old Trafford and could have nicked it. We played class and Mitro might just be the new Alan Shearer.

Performances come in all over the park and Steven Taylor is immense. Of course he is now injured for the season or something, but cheers for that one game, Steven. The level of application shown on the game, compared to

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every game under Carver was worlds apart. We’re still playing the 4-2-31 formation that simply doesn’t work at NUFC, but I’ll take a point at Man Utd any day. What impressed me most was the players didn’t panic.

Thauvin was inches away from winning it. 3 points could have been crucial with this start we have.

Aug 25 United get their ‘cup run’ under way against league Two Northampton are run out comfortable 4 1 winners with young Thauvin having quite the game. De Jong gets a start and is decent. It’ll never last as he picks up more injuries than SAFC do managers. We draw Sheffield Wednesday at home in the next round.

Our year?

Aug 27 McClaren as much as confirms United’s transfer business is done and he’s happy with it. I have my doubts. Let’s see what is patter is come October and November.

If he goes into ‘we need to spend in January’ mode – I have my doubts over www.true-faith.co.uk

his credibility considering the positive noises he’s making right now when the squad is still sorely lacking in most areas.

Aug 29 Andre Marriner is a bad ref and Mitro is out for 3 games. Balls.

Aug 30 Most of the nation is talking about Mitrovic and NUFC and saying it was a definite red and it’s nice to see someone stick up for Arsenal. Hilariously go on to have 3 men sent off in 4 days after the international break, which is nice. United have faced a tough start and picked up 2 points from 4 games.

Not great, but signs of encouragement. The real stuff comes when the players return for games against West Ham and Watford. Don’t let us down, lads.

11 Sep Worrying reports that Cisse and Tiote have basically downed tools at United, both unhappy with their contractual situations. I don’t even think Tiote is a footballer anymore but considering Mitro is a target for s**t

refs everywhere so Cisse needs to stay fit and focussed, his alleged ease at missing meetings and training – are caused for concern.

14 Sep United are smashed at a mediocre West Ham. The 4 2 3 1 fomration with Anita (not good enough) and Colback (only any good further up the pitch) just doesn’t work. It didn’t work for Pardew. It didn’t work for Carver and it didn’t work now. It didn’t work at Swansea and it didn#t work here. Really it didn’t work at home to Arsenal either as we failed to have a shot on target.

Sort it out Steve.

17 Sep Daryl Janmaat’s been wheeled out to the media again. That means Charnley and Bishop are panicking. Janmaat only talks to us when he’s been a) sent off b) tasked with explaining why his team mates are so bad, in a language which he doesn’t call his own. Watford is massive. Chelsea and City to come. We’ve had a rock hard start, now is the

time to perform.

19 Sep We fail to perform 21 Sep I’m still raging 23 Sep I’ve calmed down enough to go to the Sheff Wed game. They bring 6k.

Fair play. We shuld have brought 11 footballers.

McClaren is a joke. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Sheff Wed make 11 changes and batter us.

They should have won by more. Season over.

Cheslea and City to come.

Piss off McClaren – given the job on the basis of being Graeme Carr’s mate.

3 wins in his last 20 games as a manager. We played the same S**TE 4 2 3 1 formation again. S**TE. It doesn’t work. We have no defensive midfielders.

We have no fast players.

Winjaldum doesn’t have a clue where he’s playing.

The whole thing is a joke.

What a farce.

25 Sep McClaren is sorry. Chelsea look well bad though, they’ll still hammer us. At least Mitro is back. Charnley emails us all to say sorry and that we shouldn’t panic cos tf 7

thru black & white eyes they’ve got this. Aye right Lee. You clown. We’re s**t.

Again. Your boss sais this wasn’t going to happen again, and it has.

27 Sep United draw with Chelsea in a game we should have won. Colback was immense before going off at HT – played in his proper MIDFIELD position, not standing in front of the back 4. Mitro is so good. He’s 21 and plays the lone target man like a 34 year who’s dropped down the leagues and played 1000 games – that sounds negative doesn’t it.

If you saw him play, you’d understand. We threw away 2 points though.

Chelsea deserved nought.

City away next, we’ll go into the next International

tf 8

break bottom. At least McClaren ditched the terrible formation. 7 games too late.

30 Sep A slim HBA is tearing it up in France for Nice. Damn, it was much easier for everyone when he was an overweight, under performing prick.

Now I want him back.

2 Oct McClaren reckons our 2 up front will cause Man City problems and believes we can end our Etihad ‘hoodoo’ in the league 3 Oct We don’t. Aguero gets 5 in like 89 seconds or something. Well done Sergio. The funniest part of it all is that for 40 mins United were class, and just better than City. The

linemsan should never officiate again after ruling out a goal for 2 0 that was onside. We can blame the lino for the loss, but not shipping 6 in quick time.

The squad has no leaders, no heart. There’s promise but little more than that.

We’re bottom after 8 games, what odds on that changing all season?

10 Oct Wales and Northern Ireland qualify for the Euros. F***ing get in lads. Each country has a population smaller than Longbenton and now they’re off to France.

What an achievement.

McCalren reckons he has the backing of the ‘board’ (isn’t he on it???)

16 Oct Tim Krul is out for the season. Sigh. So sick of

this. United sit top of the injury table, again. It’s the same every year. Buying cheap players with cheap injury records, the whole thing with United feels pointless. Derby tickets have come through. I’m not arsed. No one is.

19 October Fat Sam loses his first match at SAFC ahead of the derby.

Sunderland hardly have a shot.

18 October Well that was good. United score 6 at home since 2010. We win by 4 for the first time in well, ages? Counter attacking football is the order of the day as an exposed Norwich are torn to shreds by a rampant United. Mitrovic’s goal is just about the most

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thru black & white eyes attractive thing I’ve ever seen. It’s a crucial win because, well, it’s the first but also as this 6 games need to yield 12 points at least to have any chance of staying up – and we’ve bagged 3. Sissoko was infuriatingly superb (is there a better right side in the league than he and Daryl?).

Winjladum becomes the first to score 4 since Shearer against Wednesday in ’99.

Mark Lawrenson says he didn’t even play that well.

He did play that well. He was class. Also United were class, way too many people on about Norwich hitting the post twice.

They were 5 2 down for the second one.

Sets things up nicely for the derby.

22 October The prederby bull-s**t machine

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is in full flow with the mackems on about their recent record and our lot on about trying dead hard or something. Please just don’t be s**t, again.

United have put in a few decent performances this season and next Sunday needs to be one. We also shouldn’t be getting beat again by that lot, as they’re just so poor.

McClaren says he’ll have a party when (if) we get to 40 points. Most mags are not amused after the ‘top 8’ was mentioned pre season. What will he do if we get 60 points – 4 day bender?

October 23 Me, tf Ed and the lads from ALS have a civil chat and a curry ahead of the weekend. The consensus of the night: both teams are s**t.

October 24 One more

sleep. Bastard midday KO means early rises for all involved.

October 25 Nope October 26 Well that was s**t, for entirely different reasons. If anything, it hurt less but was so much more galling after United controlled the game from start to finish and thanks to some inept refereeing of the highest level – got beat. S**te.

Unlike the previous 5 games not a single player disgraced himself. I can see why the ref gave a pen.

It wasn’t a pen, but I don’t blame the ref for taking the easy decision. What you can blame him for his scandalously sending off Colo. We were denied a cast iron penalty at the other end of the pitch and it was a formality from there. Bastards.

United played well, the new passing football McClaren has persisted with so much paying obvious dividends and really we should have been 2 or 3 up. It wasn’t to be and Wearside is in raptures. Relegation beckons for them surely.

October 28 Colo’s red card overturned, correctly.

Can we play it again?

United are charged with failing to control their players over the decision which has now proved to be incorrect. The irony of it all October 29 Jack Colback, our only proper CM, is out for months apparently.

Mint ALEX HURST - FOLLOW ALEX ON @tfalex1892

tf 11

Optimism

James Brown

This might sound a little mental, but I don’t actually think that this season has been as disastrous as the media would have us believe. Granted, we have failed to win a league game so far and have only managed three points from eight games. Throw in an early exit from the League Cup and things don’t look too good on paper, but I have already seen glimpses of us playing much better this season than at any time during the previous two. I hate to accept mediocrity but, I suppose at the moment, we have to.

The opening three games I didn’t realistically expect any points, so to get two was a bonus I thought. Sure, in days gone, Southampton at home and Swansea away would be six easy points.

Four at the worst. But recent history says different; perhaps tougher even these tf 12

days than visiting postFerguson Man U. Against Arsenal at home I thought the intentions were good if not naive and despite not ever really threatening, the fact we didn’t completely capitulate after going down to ten men was encouraging at least.

Admittedly the West Ham and Watford performances were hugely disappointing, and points dropped against teams we should definitely be competing with. There were flashbacks to the last few years watching a lethargic, hapless ship sinking with nobody at www.true-faith.co.uk

the wheel, either on the pitch or off it. I’m not for one moment suggesting that all our failings, and the capability to be terrifyingly awful at times, have magically vanished overnight. The second half at City illustrating perfectly that there is still plenty of room for improvement.

The first half of that game however, we gave City problems and were easily the better team at home to Chelsea. The return of Mitrovic showed how much we had missed him, he’s obviously a bit of a head case but I think we have needed that in our game for a while now. The last time I was remotely proud of the players wearing the shirt was back when the likes of Nolan, Barton and Carroll were still knocking around.

Matched with a welcome boost of pace and youth from the likes of Perez, Mbabu and Mbemba and a more composed looking

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midfield pairing of Anita and Colback, the balance and shape of the team looks much more sound.

Unfortunately, with youth, there is the danger of heads dropping too quickly when things don’t go our way, and a lack of experience and confidence to calm down and rely on the basics. Relinquishing a two goal lead at home with those first three points tantalisingly close, and conceding goals either side of half time in Manchester seemed to hit the lads hard. The best lessons are always the hardest to learn and we can only hope the team will emerge stronger and more resilient for it.

team around the kind of potential we now have at St James Park. If he can get anything out of Wijnlandum, Thauvin and De Jong whilst continuing to push those that have already impressed, we might be on the way to having a half decent team.

These next two games after the international break will of course be the true measure of how things are going, and perhaps in a couple of weeks some of my positivity will be waning. Hopefully though, before the inevitable axe starts looming overhead, the manager can deliver more signs that things are actually moving in the right direction.

And I do quite like Mclaren too; he wasn’t the fashionable choice to take the hot seat but his career suggests he is a manager out of the old-school without any unnecessary flash and swagger. He also thrives on developing a

P.S. Ignore everything you’ve just read. At the time of writing, Tim Krul has been ruled out for the season and, of course, the mackems have done their usual party trick of swapping managers just in time to beat us.

...the fact we didn’t completely capitulate after going down to ten men was encouraging at least.

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Y B R DE R E T S A S I D TED

EDWARDS

Before we look at anything else, the horrible and painful reality is that we have lost 6 derbies in a row and let in 13 goals scoring only 1 in return. That is soul destroying and depressing and is even more galling when you look at the quality of the opposition over those 6 games. Sunday’s game was the exception rather than the rule in the last 6 defeats. I woke up this morning and still can’t believe that we lost a game where we played all of the football and looked like the only team likely to score for 47 of the first half’s 48 minutes. That, however, is the problem.

On reflection, regardless of whether you think it was a penalty or not, Collocini gave the chance for an inexperienced and weak referee to give a decision that was

tf 14

massively influenced by a boisterous home support behind the goal and right in his face. Never mind Fletcher chucking himself around like a rag doll or whether a shoulder charge

is still a legal challenge in football, we gave him the chance to give a penalty when we were in charge and bossing a weaker team all over the park.

What came next was the www.true-faith.co.uk

bollocks part. The decision to send Collocini off was wrong, simple as that. It was arguable that Fletcher wouldn’t have even got to the ball, never mind had the ‘opportunity’ to score as he was heading away from goal and any touch would have taken the ball either towards the corner flag or out of play. And for the record, I think that Elliot would have easily got to the ball before anyone else and just fell on it. S**t decision and one that incensed players, staff and fans in equal measure but again, we gave the ‘weak as piss’ ref the chance to make it and that reflects badly on our decision making. The cold hard fact is that we lost the second half 2-0 as well even though we were still the only side trying to play football. An unmarked mackem at the back post for the second and a halfhearted soft s**te pulling out of challenge leading to the third were all things where we could have made a difference – that and Mitro missing at 1-0 which would have made a massive difference. Don’t get me wrong, we were unfortunate but we didn’t help our just and righteous cause on the day.

It’s easy to write this stuff the day after the game mind you. If I’d written 900 words yesterday it would most probably have been 900 swear words with a scattering of ‘mackem bastards’ thrown www.true-faith.co.uk

in for good measure.

The main thing for me is that we cut out the daft decisions and play with the kind of control that we showed in the first 47 minutes of the derby. A little cutting edge would be welcome, especially with good investment in January but if we aren’t careful, we will be still talking about coming good all the way up until we are cut adrift in the bottom three and it’s too late to do anything about it. Optimism is good but we need results and we need them soon. I think we have a much better squad than last year but it has to start getting wins in the bag. The next few games offer us the chance to do that but enough talking – just get three points regularly and everything will be alright.

As to the mackems, good luck to them but if they think they are on a roll based on Sunday, they are sadly misguided.

They are a very poor side with limited ability and an owner who seems reluctant to keep throwing good money after bad.

We can put them to the sword in March and put a few things right but they have a psychological hold over us at the moment which is hard to break. We need a team with steal, good decision making and the odd bit of pace and flair to create and take chances. This game isn’t complicated no

matter how complicated people make it and having football people make football decisions at the club would give us the best chance of success (radical thought I know) but I’m not holding my breath. United need to get on a roll and get out of the s**te at the bottom of the Premier League table and do it quickly.

Otherwise, another season of relegation fighting and misery will ensue.

If this keeps going until January then I can see us haemorrhaging even more support and even Ashley’s desperate lies on the final day on Sky won’t make any difference to the way people feel. This isn’t a reaction to the derby defeat at all but more a realisation that we have been more patient with McClaren than any recent manager I can think of (especially at SJP) but if we keep hanging out Head Coaches or Managers (or whatever we call them) out to dry, then people will find something else to do with their time and money.

Put it right between now and the next time we play them and when we hump them in March, we can help secure their relegation instead of surrendering another three points that keeps them up. tf 15

“Cisse has had it for me too. Given his chance tonight and buggered it up with an open goal.Shove your ‘lack of confidence’ up your arse” This was tweeted by me shortly after suffering a textbook Pardew humping 4-0 at the hands of Spurs. Perhaps with an element of knee jerk anger attached to it, however I was very much at the end of my tether hearing ‘confidence’ excuses spanning for knocking on two years as the reason why our Number Nine had failed to reproduce the stunning form shown in his first season playing for United.

COME IN NO.9 YOUR TIME IS UP RICHARD SMITH - Follow @richysmith100 Fast-forward 18 months, and my feelings towards Cisse have not changed.

The ‘confidence’ excuses have eventually subsided from his staunch supporters, as they come round to the fact that Cisse’s huge flaws in consistency are actually down to an all round lack of ability. Add to that the players well publicised discontent of being on Tyneside currently, and his feature in the starting lineup has been over stayed.

Before I get criticised for being too overly critical and unappreciative of the Senegalese striker, I feel it important to provide a certain aspect of balance tf 16

to this argument. Cisse’s goalscoring ratio since signing in 2011 is very admirable – albeit not amazing. 42 goals in 110 appearances on the face of it, demonstrates a player with a real strikers instinct. In fact-there was a stage in the latter parts of last season that he a better minutes per goal ratio than any other player in the Premier League.

In truth – without the contribution of Cisse last season, you could make a canny assumption that we would be plying our trade in the Championship this season. Furthermore – I can happily say I was present at Stamford Bridge to witness the best goal scoring brace

in my living memory, when Cisse continued his explosive form in the last enjoyable season we have experienced as fans.

Looking deeper into Cisse’s ‘contribution’ however, does paint a picture, which is far more complex than simply claiming we have a top class striker on our hands whom we couldn’t live without. We are a struggling team, and in a world where we are looking to play a more fluid and passing game under McClaren (to very varying levels of success), its crucial that we have a team of players who possess technical ability, footballing intelligence, and quite simply-offer www.true-faith.co.uk

more than just being a ‘finisher’. Other than Cisse not necessarily being the clinical finisher is goals record suggests he might be (more on that later), he lacks basic skills of not just a forward – but also top-level footballers. I watched the recent away defeat to West Ham and was astounded by the number of times I saw Cisse fail to even challenge for headers, his reluctance to attempt to bring midfielders into play – not to mention his ongoing personal confusion with the offside rule. I agree that the lone front man role is not his bag, and quite frankly its disturbing how McClaren still appears to have not fully caught www.true-faith.co.uk

onto this. However, when I see slight figures such as Ayoze Perez holding the ball up with his back to goal with relative ease, I shake my head at the fact that Cisse completely lacks competence in this department. I saw Alexandar Mitrović at Old Trafford drop into midfield and run with ease with the ball at his feet – making a fool of Wayne Rooney in the process, before distributing it wide to a midfielder. Can anyone remember the last time Cisse looked as comfortable dribbling with the ball? An absolutely anonymous display against Watford saw him hauled off at half time – largely driven by the

fact he failed to involve himself in the game and went into hiding. The bottom line is as a strikerif you aren’t getting the service you want, you have to have more about you in trying to make things happen. For me its simply not good enough just to chuck out that excuse when things aren’t going your way. Reverting back to my earlier point – there are also a number of occasions when Cisse’s finishing leaves a lot to be desired. You only needed to have watched his first half chances against Watford to recognise this.

An absolutely anonymous display against Watford saw him hauled off at half time – largely driven by the fact he failed to involve himself in the game and went into hiding

In my end of season article for True Faith – I evaluated the players that tf 17

Newcastle should move on, and in looking at the reasons for calling it a day on Cisse, it was the players overall unreliability from an appearances standpoint. Through a combination of injuries and brainless suspensions, our main striker only managed twenty-two appearances in all competitions last campaign. This has been a recurring theme during his overall tenure on Tyneside, with injuries in particular often a serious problem. In fact- as I sit here writing this piece now, news has filtered through that the player has picked up a back problem which will see him miss tomorrows crucial cup tie against Sheffield Wednesday. Like other players in our squad (Taylor, De Jong, Tiote) – our woeful performance in recent times has been massively hampered by a raft of frequent offenders issuing sick notes at will.

With a squad clearly still unfit for purpose in certain departments, we cannot tf 18

afford to rely on players with such poor fitness records again and again.

It has been heavily suggested from various quarters this past two weeks that Papiss is far from content on Tyneside, and has been eyeing up a move elsewhere for some time. At the age of thirty, he probably thinks he has one last big pay day left in him and the continued links with the Middle East certainly show there is more than just a bit of smoke in those reports.

The truth of the matter is – Cisse’s application both on and (allegedly) off the pitch has further highlighted a player who (like others in the squad) would rather be elsewhere.

This begs the question as to why, with only a couple years left on his contract, did we not try and cash in on the player and invest in someone else this summer? I’ve been on record in this fanzine specifying my admiration for Charlie Austin, and was

desperate for us to make a real go of bringing the English striker to the North East. Austin possesses all of the qualities of an out and out center forward. Able to hold up a ball effectively, comfortable running at defenders, and with an impressive Premier League goals return, playing for the worst side in the division For what may seem like a fairly damning article of our striker, it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge Cisse’s contribution in a black and white shirt. He has been an important player for us in what has largely been a torrid period in the clubs history, and in the mainhe has demonstrated commitment and passion for the club. The time has come however for us to thank him for his contribution and seek to recruit somebody with a more all round game and who can give us the goal scoring center forward we need to drive us forward.

For what may seem like a fairly damning article of our striker, it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge Cisse’s contribution in a black and white shirt. He has been an important player for us in what has largely been a torrid period in the clubs history

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Long standing true faith writer, Tony Higgins who regular readers will recognise from his Real Spain articles has his first book out now. Travel with Tony through the und ergrowt h of Spanish football and life for only ÂŁ4:99. Only in digital format.

www.true-faith.co.uk

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Each season FC St. Pauli of the Bundesliga 2. play an exhibition ngame at their Milerntor Stadium in Hamburg.

Formally it has been Besiktas (which proves popular with Germany’s huge Turkish population), and Celtic with whom they have fan friendships with.

MICHAEL BRADLEY FC St. Pauli 4-2 Rayo Vallecano, 18 July 2015 - 14:30 - Millerntor-Stadion, Hamburg FC. St. Pauli used this game to try out a line up that would look like the one expected to face Arminia Bielefeld on the opening day a week later after a series of warm up games against local sides as well as trips

tf 20

to Austria and Denmark.

It was announced, on the other hand, that Rayo Vallecano would field two separate teams of eleven for each half.

With just over 9000 inside the Milerntor, including

a couple of hundred Vallecano sympathisers, in good spirits enjoying a relaxed atmosphere with the vast majority of fans enjoying a beer on the sunkissed standing terraces.

Once the smoke cleared from the Spaniard’s flares the game was underway with both teams

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inexplicably wearing white shirts. St. Pauli controlled the play throughout the first half with it certainly showing that they were a few weeks nearer the big kick off than their Spanish counterparts. It took only seven minutes until some sharp but simple passing allowed Sebastian Maier to tap in from close range.

Pauli continued to dictate play throughout the first half with Sobiech and Guenter making it 3-0 before the break.

Despite the second half starting in much the same way with Leonart Thy making it four, Rayo fought back in the 51st and 71st minute with Raul Uche and Alex Moreno respectively.

Action amongst this included two yellow cards resulting in a red for descent for the same Rayo player in the space of about 20 seconds and a missed penalty for St. Pauli as Halstenburg missed a www.true-faith.co.uk

chance to make it five by putting his penalty wide of the goalkeeper’s left post.

In an entertaining match there was much more action than I’ve come to expect from most friendly games you’re likely to go to. However, regardless of what was going on on the pitch the organisation of the whole event that saw a stage set up for a post match concert outside the ground where both sets of fans were appropriately fed and watered with sausages and beer. The fact that the two groups of fans were so eager to enjoy each other’s company is no surprise when you consider the cultures that surround the two clubs.

There are plenty of column inches spent on FC St. Pauli with varying degrees of accuracy and ‘journalistic’ license. For me, the story goes, in short, something along the lines that in the

late 1980s groups of left leaning squatters, their supporters and a thriving punk scene began to populate the terraces and have since attracted fans locally, nationally and internationally who would also like to be part of a fan base that fights against racism, homophobia, sexism and fascism in and outside of football. That’s not to say that they don’t draw the majority of their support locally (for a more detailed history take a look at Nick Davidson’s ‘Pirates, Punks & Politics’).

The club, along with various fan groups work tirelessly on projects supporting the immediate community.

Similarly, it was widely reported last November that Rayo Vallecano have promised to pay the rent of an evicted local pensioner.

They also have released their third kit this season with their traditional sash in rainbow colours

Once the smoke cleared from the Spaniard’s flares the game was underway with both teams inexplicably wearing white shirts. St. Pauli controlled the play throughout the first half with it certainly showing that they were a few weeks nearer the big kick off than their Spanish counterparts.

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of which £5 of each sale will be split among antidiscrimination charities.

Anti-fascist flags were prominent within both sets of support, and always are.

Despite being worlds apart I can’t help but compare these two clubs with Newcastle. Particularly in the time Mike Ashley has been at the helm.

Since 2007 Newcastle have been relegated, they have renamed the stadium, put a legal loan shark over the sacred Black & White stripes, refused to compete in cup competitions and managed to qualify for Europe only once.

Whilst Rayo Vallecano and St. Pauli work with, service and represent their communities tremendously, even if it is helped by the fact that every club in Germany

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must be owend at least 51% by it’s members.

Back on Tyneside, the club is run for one person and one person only: Mike Ashley. Weather its purely for financial gain or his own personal ego or a mix of them both I don’t know.

The fact is that the way the club has been run is simply not in the interests of its supporters or the community it is meant to represent.

Mike Ashley is an ugly symptom of the Premier League and the sickening amount of money involved in it. In return for this I’m lead to believe that we get to see the best players in the best league in the world. The question for me is: Is it all worth it? Since Ashley has been at United due to minimal investment in the squad they have had just one good season. This means we are getting the bad

side of the modern game without the promised compensation you would expect as a fan, especially from one of the richest men in the country. With this in mind it is absolutely no surprise that clubs like North Shields now attract a hefty and vocal following as many North Tynesiders have found somewhere else to display their civic pride within football. I loved seeing the team and fans chanting “NE29!” after their FA Vase success at Wembley.

Don’t get me wrong. I had a great time in Lisbon and Bordeaux as I know many others did in Brugge, Kharkiv and Moscow, and it is my genuine belief that there is nothing better as a fan to travel across Europe with your mates to watch Newcastle United. We must surely admit now though, that that isn’t something that

it is absolutely no surprise that clubs like North Shields now attract a hefty and vocal following as many North Tynesiders have found somewhere else to display their civic pride within football

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interests those in charge at NUFC. Even when the owner himself has come out and said he isn’t leaving until they win something all I hear is that he’s not leaving. Especially when Premier League money continues to increase to more and more astronomical levels. At the end of last season he came on TV and spoke to us.

A one-way conversation after months of requests for genuine progressive communication just doesn’t cut it.

I know many are just going out of routine, that’s what they do at weekends, and that’s just fine apart from us, as a fan base, deserve more than that. I know I don’t need to patronise you by explaining or persuading you to believe that Sky Sports and their so called experts are a long way www.true-faith.co.uk

off the mark when they refer to Newcastle fans as being demanding.

Many fans have packed it in or pick and choose which matches to go to and are ironically reluctant to give up their season tickets due to the amount of loyalty points they have earned over the years.

St. James’ Park and it’s community of supporters are awash in a sea of malaise created by television money via Mike Ashley. We have a proud tradition of great players and a fantastic, passionate fan base. Ray Vallecano and FC St. Pauli also have a passionate fan base even if they don’t have a history of particularly great players like United do. However, they have something we don’t. They can be proud of their club right now, in this moment. They

have a foundation upon which they can make a difference to the direction in which their club goes, and this is something St. Pauli fans have had to fight for on many occasions.

As Newcastle fans we don’t have any of this.

Even without the political angle, I would love one day to see the club treat its community with some kind of respect. As cliché as it is, the club means nothing without us.

I don’t know exactly what steps should be taken but taking a leaf out of Ray Vallecano and FC St. Pauli’s book certainly wouldn’t do any harm. A nice start would be investment in the squad that reflect supporters’ ambition and the owner’s bank balance.

They have a foundation upon which they can make a difference to the direction in which their club goes...

Another thing I don’t know: What’s the point in being a supporter of Mike Ashley’s Newcastle United?. tf 23

tf BOOK REVIEW

Touching Distance, by Martin Hardy

ALAN HARRISON Follow @harrisonaphotos

Me? After falling in love with football when England won the World Cup, my Dad took me to my first Newcastle Utd game on April 27th 1967 as a birthday present. It was more to see West Ham at St. James Park because they were meant to include Bobby Moore, Martin Peters and my first ever hero, Geoff Hurst than the home side.

United won 1-0, but my memory tells me at least two of the West Ham trio didn’t make an appearance that day; but the huge noisy crowd made such a deep impression that keeps bringing me back 48 years later.

My third game was the following year when he took me to Roker Park for the Derby match when John MacNamee swung on the crossbar at the Fulwell End; talk about a baptism of fire!

The following 45 years have seen a lot more downs than ups. For most of my life, ‘we’ were mostly a yo-yo club; with successive boards of directors being financially happy with the big gates that a relegation/ promotion battle drew at SJP; rather than investing their own money to compete with the ‘big lads’. As a Newcastle fan I never expected anything

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else other until….. until Kevin Keegan signed for The Toon in 1982!

Martin Hardy’s book Touching Distance begins with KK’s magical debut against QPR then goes on to tell the tale of the magnificent blip in the club’s history that followed the day Sir John Hall shook the world of football by announcing that Kevin Keegan would replace Ossie Ardilles as manager ten years later in.

An ex-Season ticket holder, Martin gives us a new angle on a lot of the stories that are now part of Geordie folklore by getting the players, the Chairman and a couple of peripheral characters to re-tell these tales from an insiders perspective.

The book is part biography and part thriller but most www.true-faith.co.uk

of all a love story. A love story between fans, a club, a group of footballers and most of all a charismatic manager that was reciprocated in a way very few will understand and even fewer will repeat.

the books says it was the Riverside. I will bow to the meticulous research put in by Martin and the font of all things Newcastle United – Mike Bolam from nufc.com but I was 100% sure.

Because the story is really about four welldocumented seasons, Touching Distance gallops along at a fair old pace in what literary circles would describe as ‘a real page turner.’

I have a few criticisms; but they pale into insignificance against the story itself of a club and a team written off before a ball had been kicked in anger.

As one who was ‘there’ for the majority of the matches (home AND away), it’s fascinating reading the players’ perspectives on what happened before, during and after certain pivotal matches. My own memory can be vague at times; for instance I always thought Tino’s debut was at Ayresome Park, Middlesbrough but

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The first of my annoyances concerns the amount of swearing littered throughout the interviews.

I’m no prude and I would expect the use of the F-word would have been freely used in the interviews; but this book will be read

by United fans of all ages.

So some judicial editing could have filtered a lot of that out making it a more accessible book for younger (and older) fans.

Another thing is the use of capital letters on the first line of each chapter, or a new subject regardless of whether the actual sentence has ended or not. It’s not the end of the world; but it made my teeth itch every time.

While I was always appreciate Sir John Hall and Freddie Shepherd’s leadership at this time some of Sir John’s ‘stories’ get better with the telling; and Martin takes everything as verbatim, without questioning anything.

I realise that this book isn’t a forensic appraisal of their management of Newcastle United; but Martin comes across as a little bit star struck when interviewing the ex-Chairman. Sooner or later someone will write a warts ‘n all biography

The book is part biography and part thriller but most of all a love story.

A love story between fans, a club, a group of footballers and most of all a charismatic manager that was reciprocated in a way very few will understand and even fewer will repeat.

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of this period in the club’s history and that is another book I’d love to read!

Last but not least is the virtual airbrushing from history the part that fanzines played in the club’s resurgence at that time. In particular The Mag, which was at the forefront of everything that happened during these years, giving fans a forum for the first time in their lives to discuss the machinations of following Newcastle United. Our premier fanzine only gets one mention and that’s for selling the Bobby Lee for England t-shirts.

Personally I think an opportunity was missed tf 26

here; especially when Paralympian Stephen Miller gets a chapter to himself, as does Graham Fenton whose claim to fame was scoring a goal against us for Blackburn Rovers; denting the title chase.

Back to the good stuff. I genuinely got misty eyed several times reading ex-players talk about their first impressions of Newcastle and why they still have the area in their hearts.

We weren’t short of heroes in those four short years were we?

David Kelly, Brian Kilcline, Warren Barton and Darren Peacock are virtually forgotten now; but all

played integral parts in Newcastle United at that time and get to tell their often-hilarious tales again now.

Steve Howey’s story is particularly poignant, as I’d genuinely forgot he was from the Dark Place. Then we hear from Pavel who I’d have thought played every game possible in this period, but he was actually the ‘nearly man’ being Number 2 to a variety of other goalkeepers; including Tommy ‘The Barman’ Wright and ‘Super-Duper’ Mike Hooper as well as Shaka Hislop. I dare you read about his upbringing without sniffling; and when Clarkie gives him

I dare you read about his upbringing without sniffling; and when Clarkie gives him that ‘Pavel is a Geordie’ T-shirt it will have you punching the air with joy.

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that ‘Pavel is a Geordie’ T-shirt it will have you punching the air with joy.

Strangely, there aren’t as many photos here as I’d have expected; but each one is a beauty and took me back in time like a Geordie Tardis.

The first two thirds of the book are a bit stopstart, going backwards and forwards setting the scene for ‘that season’ 1995-96.

A couple of chapters are a bit dull; but that is only when you compare them to stories by Sir Les, Robert Lee, Daveed and Tino; but the one that will tug at your heartstrings the most is actually Peter Beardsley’s. I’ve heard Peter twice at talk-ins; but when his stories are written down they really do grab you by the throat. When I read his chapter I annoyed Mrs’ H by pausing Emmerdale three times because I ‘had to’ read several poignant paragraphs out loud to her. Who knew the

Forest Hall postie knew Beardsley was signing for the Toon before his parents did?

Then you eventually get to the final third of the book. The important part, the part of the story which is about ‘that season’ you know, ‘the 12 point one.’

Once I got embroiled in these chapters I couldn’t put the book down and at least twice I found myself thinking ‘we can still do this!’

When we get to the final two weeks; the games come thick and fast culminating with the aftermath of the Leeds Utd match and ‘that TV interview’ Kevin gave.

Terry Mac’s account of events is excellent as he puts everything into perspective after all these years. I’ve defended KK’s speech hundreds of times, telling anyone who would listen that it wasn’t a melt down because it was actually a ‘call to arms.’ If he’d asked us to

invade Poland that night; we would have mobilised the troops in Barrack Road without a second thought. Even Man Utd fans believe me now.

Well, history tells me we didn’t win the title but by golly gosh we gave it a good go and we won the hearts of every football fan in the land and beyond didn’t we?

In every chapter and on ever page every single person involved talks with huge admiration and love for Kevin Keegan; even Sir John Hall admits to having to hand the reigns (and his (Ed: “our”) cheque book over) to KK. In the spirit of those years Touching Distance is a roller coaster of a read; and well worth every penny of the cover price. It may not win the William Hill Sports Book Prize but I’m pretty damn sure it will arrive down tens of thousands of Geordie chimneys courtesy of Santa Claus on December 25th.

The Author with Pav

More info at touchingdistance.com

As well as enjoying Alan’s review of Touching Distance you might be interested in listening to the Podcast recorded for true faith with the author, the TF editor Michael Martin and Pod-Meister, Alex Hurst.

www.true-faith.co.uk

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We received this piece just after the Southampton game and although a bit of water has gone under the Toon Bridge since then, we still think it’s worth a good read as it is a very well-written piece and a good argument.

The aftermath of a summer, which as Mike Ashley promised, was not devoid of activity at Newcastle United, began on Sunday with a credible two all draw against last season’s surprise package, Southampton. Any residual sympathy for the memory of John Carver and Steve Stone had vanished quickly with an encouraging first half display. New signing Georginio Winjdalum quickly endeared himself to the fans soon after half time with a quite sensational header. Despite this, new manager, sorry head coach, Steve McClaren seemed to be frantically reaching for the phone at every break in play. Rumours his Geordie accent is already almost as broad of Paul Gascoigne’s have yet to be confirmed.

THOMAS MORRIS

TOUGH CROWD The jury is very much out on whether his appointment is a step forward for the club. It probably will be for the majority of the season.

Similar to the reception that greeted Alan Pardew (who was relegated with Charlton Athletic), many are pointing to two of McClaren’s most notable failures. Namely, those at Wolfsburg (a win percentage of just 29%) and Nottingham Forest (23% win percentage). It’s a simple statement of fact that all appointments are a risk and that the vast majority of managers have failures. Brian Clough was sacked by Leeds United after just 44 days. Alex Ferguson came very close to dismissal at Manchester United in 1989. To some of the fans it seems anything less than Jose Mourinho is a failure. tf 28

A quick glance at various fans forums and many were lambasting the new boss for his comment about Newcastle striving to be back among ‘Europe’s elite’. This veneer of hypocrisy reigns true amongst many Newcastle fans. If McLaren had been much more measured in his remarks, he would have been lambasted for the apparent lack of ambition that has been symptomatic of the Ashley reign. McLaren has achieved much success at club level. He brought Middlesbrough to league cup glory in 2004 (still the club’s only major trophy to date) and the 2008 Uefa cup final. He won the Dutch league title with Twente (the club’s only league title ever to date). Both no mean feats with limited resources. However, it is

important to note that at Middlesbrough, McClaren had a very supportive chairman in Steve Gibson to rely upon during more testing times. Incidentally a chairman that was very much open to dialogue with supporters, something Newcastle has gone about rectifying with the monthly email from Steve McClaren about recent goings on at St. James’ Park.

The reception that greeted the players at full-time seems to suggest even the permanently disillusioned are willing to give McClaren time and at least a small chance.

What really caused much division amongst the fans last season, and that appears to have carried into this season, was the former ‘Pardew Out’ brigade all but vanished once the glaringly www.true-faith.co.uk

obvious inadequacy of John Carver became apparent.

Ludicrously, many have now tried to claim they only wanted Pardew to depart on the assumption that Carver was not to be the replacement. This is simply not true. The reception that greeted the players at full-time seems to suggest even the permanently disillusioned are willing to give McClaren time and at least a small chance.

The problem McClaren faces is one of approval and aspiration. Some of the delusional and idealistic visions are beyond all proportionality and realism. Older observers will point to times past when the club was in much a similar position, such the Gordon McKeag years.

Yes, Kevin Keegan wowed us all and surpassed the fans wildest expectations of achievement, but it is highly unlikely any manager could replicate this consistently in the current climate of financial www.true-faith.co.uk

inequality, despite glib promises from Ashley.

The 5th placed finish under Bobby Robson, was at the time seen as abject failure, memories of beating Juventus the previous season still all too vivid. As one fanzine bluntly put it some years ago, wouldn’t we all kill for a 5th place finish now?

(Didn’t someone achieve that for Newcastle not so long ago?). The question is, and always will be, what manager better than Pardew, and now McClaren, would have realistically taken a position to work under who they see as a demonstrably unreliable dictator such as Mike Ashley?

The size of the club and passion of the fans is not enough to woo would be managers in the modern climate. Ultimately, when it comes to enticing new managers, it breaks down to three key facets. 1). to what extent will the manager have control of transfers and 2). What

level of funds will be available and 3) what wage ceiling, if any, is in place?

In the case of Newcastle and many other premier league clubs, there exists a transfer committee, which led by Graham Carr has achieved reasonable success in the last few years. Many managers in our recent past, for example Graeme Souness and Sam Allardyce, proved utterly incompetent when given a free reign on transfers. But then again, it was Dennis wise who gave the club Xisco and Ignacio Gonzalez.

McClaren appears to relish the role of Head Coach. Perhaps the transfer market can be an unwelcome distraction for managers. Is it just coincidence Arsenal have struggled in the years since David Dein left the club and Wenger had an increased workload in terms of transfer dealings?

The problem McClaren faces is one of approval and aspiration.

Some of the delusional and idealistic visions are beyond all proportionality and realism.

This same question about McClaren’s suitability can also be applied to Mike Ashley. Do the fans really tf 29

This same question about McClaren’s suitability can also be applied to Mike Ashley. Do the fans really want anything but Ashley? The profligate waste that went on under Freddy Shepherd, is all too often forgotten. want anything but Ashley?

The profligate waste that went on under Freddy Shepherd, is all too often forgotten. A man who ‘bleeds black and white blood’ paid himself a handsome salary, all the while sneering at fans who bought replica shirts, to bring the club the brink of total financial oblivion.

Whilst Ashley has his shortcomings, appointing a former, albeit unsuccessful, England manager hardly continues the perceived lack of aspiration which has dogged his tenure as owner to date.

It is often trotted out but one thinks of the plight of Leeds United, the starkest example in English football of how over ambition and lack of financial prudence can have dire and far reaching consequences for a football club. The hated Ken Bates discarded, fans expectations rocketed with the takeover firstly

by GFH finance then later

by Massimo Cellino. 12 months and 4 managers tf 30

since Cellino’s arrival, the club is arguably in a much worse position now than when Bates left, marooned in the second tier of English football indefinitely it seems.

Season after sorry season, the accusation is frequently levelled at the club, and by implication its owner, by the fans is that they are unique in being a ‘selling’ club. Are they really? The fact is, outside of Real Madrid, Barcelona, Chelsea and possibly the two Manchester Clubs, all clubs are ultimately selling clubs.

Look at the players arsenal have sold over the years, Vera, Henry, Llundberg, Over mars, Fabregas, Van Persie to name but a few.

These all-encompassing franchises have the finance to buy players from us due to their massive financial clout. Manchester City are backed by sovereign state for goodness sake.

This leads on to McClaren being accused yet another in a long line of ‘Yes’ men.

Without meaning to

patronise, Mike Ashley is their boss and their working under conditions they agreed to. Football is an industry and management is simply a type of employment within said industry. As anyone who has worked in a stressful environment will testify, constantly raising points of grievance with your boss soon ends with a letter in the post entitled ‘P45’.

All that said, there is a glimmer of hope amidst the abyss. There was a real zest and tenacity to the performance on Sunday.

Whilst I am in no way trying to excuse Ashley’s failures at Newcastle, McClaren should not be the figure fans voice their discontent at for this.

The opening game, and alsoMcClaren’sreputation suggest that he is, at the very least, deserving of time. Something Mike Ashley has afforded his last two managerial appointments. www.true-faith.co.uk

Having been given a working title by the editor with the start of a quote I half knew, I thought I should look it up and see if it led anywhere. A broader quote is “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,…it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us”.

The Worst of Times?

Martin Lewis

Charles Dickens, author of the quote as you all probably knew being dead well read, didn’t think much of people who threw their hands in the air when the going got tough, and then threw their hats in the air when things were a bit better, and then worried theirselves daft by comparing what it was like then with what it was like now and getting all huffy.

So, Newcastle…It might be the team colours but maybe, just maybe, especially in the “EPL era” we can be seeing things a bit too black and white?

Here’s my perspective. Feel free to disagree.

Newcastle United have not been a domestic trophywinning side in 60 years.

60 years! And I’ve been going to games for just www.true-faith.co.uk

over 40 of them and lived in hope, enjoyed games, hated games, laughed, blubbed (yep, when Robert Lee scored in the Wembley FA Cup Semi-Final), and shook my head so often it’s amazing I don’t have a knackered neck. Oh hold on, yes I do.

When I started following the club that wove itself into my life, it was with the flush of excitement of entering a world that was opening up before me: adult, masculine, earthy and addictive. This was what dads and lads did, this was what interested them, this was what glued them together. With it came a whole culture and way of being. It seemed to be how blokes communicated but avoided any awkwardness of what we might in a modern way call intimacy.

“See the match?”, “Aye, terrible, terrible” meant that one of you was looking out for the other, and that the other was alive and kicking a bit more than half of the United team. That was enough.

Before you think I’m excluding half of the population, I’m not. My sister went too, but she’d say it wasn’t the same for her and she was the exception among her pals.

It was very blokey.

So, I sort of knew what I was getting myself into in 1974 when I went to the first of what is now hundreds of matches. (3rd January FA Cup 3rd round – we drew against non-league Hendon and had Pat Howard sent off. I should’ve known better really). From that day on, match day was always a big

So, I sort of knew what I was getting myself into in 1974 when I went to the first of what is now hundreds of matches. (3rd January FA Cup 3rd round – we drew against nonleague Hendon and had Pat Howard sent off.

I should’ve known better really).

tf 31

day out with my Dad, but with an under-performing, inconsistent team who had flashes of brilliance, playing in a stadium which let’s face it wasn’t very good even for those days of the early 70s.

But what was remarkable and intoxicating was how the whole city came alive on match days. The city seemed to be coming together, a real community – more than that: Geordie Pride. Everyone and everywhere was geared up for and into the match, to inspect the opposition and let them know they were in our city and – outwardly friendly as we might seem – that we were a tough lot, worked in tough industries, and were rightly proud of our place in the world. It was Saturday, 3pm, and we were up for it.

Even though I was a mistyeyed lad of ten when I went to my first match, the idea that we were the club and that the players played for us was already ingrained. I knew that they might be better footballers than my Dad, but he definitely was a tf 32

better engineer than they’d ever be and that probably mattered more in the long run. It was pretty clear early on that it mattered what the crowd thought of who was wearing the black and white stripes, and that the crowd didn’t come to a “cathedral” to “worship” as we are encouraged to believe these days, but to watch a match and expect the players to be getting on with it. There were mutterings about the manager, chants about the Board, Westwood Out, and earnest debate whether we played better when MacDonald was out injured. But when I started going to matches it was 47 years since we’d won the league and it was generally accepted that we were just not a league-winning club, and the Cup after 1974 was seemingly beyond our capabilities as well.

So, what was the point of that trip down memory lane?

I reckon, with a club that has – let’s be honest – not won anything domestically for 60 years, the reason for

supporting it is to remind ourselves that Newcastle is a city still worth shouting about.

Yes, I start the seasons with hopes of a team that is competitive, and have brief, faint, wilder dreams of finishing 4th and qualifying for the Champions League, bringing myself down in stages by laughably thinking of us winning the Cup, and then adjusting to “a decent Cup run”, and a top ten finish. The team for the last 20 years has been much like 1974 – frustratingly inconsistent, some good players and some journeymen. So from that point of view, it’s not really the worst of times, it’s just slightly worse than it is sometimes and slightly better than others.

The team for the last 20 years has been much like 1974 HE’D DONE – frustratingly inconsistent, EVERYTHING some RIGHTgood AT players THIS EARLY and some CHRIS STAGE. journeymen.

MORT WAS SPEAKING TO PEOPLE. WE WERE OPTIMISTIC...

But what I don’t remember from days gone by is worries about the suitability of shirt sponsors, whether the owner should be providing mega-funds or “branding” the stadium (did I really use that phrase?), or me trying to work out what day of the week it is when watching at a match. www.true-faith.co.uk

And this is where it is perhaps The Worst of Times.

The club is run in a way that is not only detached from its supporters, but run in a way that seems (in my opinion) to be actively insulting – the pollution of high-profile advertising logos on the stands being just one example. It is not acknowledging and respecting why we supporters get together – to be together and to watch a team that represents us, wearing the city badge, and wearing our colours.

And the city doesn’t gear up like its old routine, it’s almost random, it’s fragmented.

It’s Saturday at 3pm? No it’s 12.30pm, no 5.30pm, no Sunday at 1pm, 4pm whenever, Monday night, and it’s on Sky anyway.

It’s obvious from headlines and the amount of money changing hands that the game of football is out of control. Not just our club, but our league, and the top governing body FIFA itself. At the higher levels of the game in which our club participates it is a global business which is a

www.true-faith.co.uk

merry-go-round of money, spun with “drama” and “excitement”.

While I very early saw the addiction of going to and being at the match to be part of something, we supporters are now conditioned by the media to be treated like fools addicted to drama, moved on from fix to fix by media hyperbole. We are conditioned not to act like responsible straightthinking adults. In which other business would a manager who head-butted a representative of another company not be sacked for gross misconduct? It’s no surprise that some longserving supporters have had enough.

But the media just don’t get it. Football is not melodrama, Special Ones, or whatever. It’s a sport.

It is an important way of bringing a community together in a way that only sport can. And Newcastle the city, the region, are worth getting together for.

Newcastle United is not irrelevant, it doesn’t exist for global marketeers. It exists for us.

My reason for still turning up at matches is that I’ve lived a long, long time away from Tyneside and if I stop going I lose one of the remaining connections with the area. I go to the match because I still want to be part of that community, it’s part of who I am. I take my 4 children because I want them to be part of something other than the world channelled through a screen of conditioned and controlled images, and for them to work out that roots and community matter.

And it works: when I wavered once and asked whether we should keep on keeping on – my wise 14 year old at the time told me “It’s what we do, Dad.” Times may be testing on the pitch at the moment, but that’s temporary. The real concern is for the soul of this football club and for football as a sport at the highest levels. Ignore the false dramas, don’t be played for a fool, remember why our club was set up, and focus on one thing: Newcastle. United.

I go to the match because I still want to be part of that community, it’s part of who I am. I take my 4 children because I want them to be part of something other than the world channelled through a screen of conditioned and controlled images, and for them to work out that roots and community matter.

tf 33

?

S A D JU : N A L O N N I V E K

PERRY WILSON

The Editor drops me an email ‘write 1200 words about Nolan’s potential move to Sunderland’.

Ok. I’m going to need something to hang the article on.

Right, plan ‘A’; scour the Internet, find any s**te on him, and label him the traitorous bastard he is. I trawled Google using all the appropriate key words, ‘Nolan, back handers, diving, lazy, disruptive influence in dressing room etc’. Result?

Nothing. Nada.

Ok, Plan B; screw the lack of evidence, there’s a principle involved here - we have to hate anyone who plays for Sunderland, particularly if they’re ex Toon, right? Lee Clarke? S**t!

Plan C; I’m struggling.

Wait, it’s that bitch of a wife that’s making him

tf 34

do it! He says his home life hasn’t been great whilst at West Ham. Hang on though, she’s happy to have her husband walk away from £50,000 a week so they can be happier? Let me ask you a question - if your lass walked away from a £50k per week job, would it make you happier? This is an extraordinary woman.

Another question - if you came home and said to the wife ‘there’s this kid at work who’s constantly in bother with the Police, so I’ve invited him to live with us for a while to save him some jail time’.

What would your wife’s reaction be? Yet Nolan’s www.true-faith.co.uk

missus welcomed Andy Carrol with open arms.

Incredible. This article isn’t going well.

Plan D; it’s the lure of Albania’s City of Culture that’s the attraction. F*** off. Howay man, think!!

Plan E; he’s a mediocre player at best anyway, so who gives a toss? He was invisible the first season he played for us. Then he scored 17 goals to help get us promoted. 10 goals the next season including that hat trick against the Mackems (I swear when he scored the third, he looked into my eyes and said ‘that one’s for you our kid’). Then we get rid, he goes to West Ham and is their top goal scorer in 2 seasons. Whilst not being considered a ‘great’ (he never played for England), he is a great soldier and an asset to any team.

Mediocre he isn’t.

Plan F; He’s going to www.true-faith.co.uk

Sunderland because he loves Allardyce. Now, I’ve never met Allardyce, so I don’t know the guy. But really?

Plan G; let’s take his stated reason for leaving ‘lack of first team football’ at face value. That’s the statement a young player makes who’s keen to demonstrate his ability to his manager/supporters or seeking selection to the England side. It’s not a reason a 33 year old midfielder with a stuttering engine would give. It is however, also the reason a guy with the strength of character to deny his age, and believe he can still cut the mustard.

And he may be right. God knows, I’d welcome him into Newcastle’s midfield for one more season. His age will mean he’ll pick up more injuries, but he’s got more heart than the rest of our current squad put together.

Now completely bankrupt of inspiration, I ask the guys in the bar for their opinion. Not one of them (and I mean none of them,) had a bad word to say about the lad.

I just can’t believe Sunderland can match his £50k per week salary, but at his age maybe it isn’t all about the money.

Why leave London to live in Sunderland? I appreciate that Mrs Nolan probably hasn’t been to Sunderland before, so will be blissfully unaware of the three-toed troglodytes that populate the place, but surely she knows she’ll be happier almost anywhere but there. Use Google Earth for God’s sake. He could commute from Merseyside/London if he wanted I guess, a la Michael Owen.

But why have the last entry on your CV read ‘relegated? Again, if

he should move to Sunderland, it’ll be because he actually believes he can make a difference, that by being there he can prevent that relegation.

He believes in himself.

The badge on his shirt is almost an irrelevance. He’s playing for team Nolan and always has done.

In conclusion, will he go to Sunderland? I’ve no idea. But should he go, I’m confident the reaction from Toon fans will be positive. We thank Nolan for his time as Captain here and wish the lad the best for him and his family. And should that day come when he steps once more onto St James Park, leading Sunderland out onto the pitch, please have a fxxking mare Kevin.

So, Boss, you’ll have to get someone else to write the article, because I’ve got nothing. tf 35

Before Steve McClaren was appointed to the job Newcastle were linked with almost as many potential managers as we have seen players touted over the summer. Some might have been a better bet than Schteve if the decision hadn’t already largely been made by last January. Here’s a personal view of what some of the alternative candidates might have offered.

WALLACE WILSON Follow @WallaceHWilson

Here’s What You Could Have Won Patrick Viera: This one came out of nowhere and was greeted with a great deal of enthusiasm by most Mags as evidenced by a poll in the Chron which showed 90%+ in favour of his appointment.

His lack of experience was overlooked as it was felt his charisma and European connections might allow him to replicate the success of the Keegan years. However, his job at Man City is to oversee the development of new talent and who was the last youngster to come through the ranks in the blue half of Manchester?

Micah Richards? In reality it was probably a convenient story for both Viera and the club. It allowed the club to suggest that it was

tf 36

casting the net wider than Steve McClaren while it advertised that Viera might be available if the right job came along. It didn’t do him any harm in his negotiations with Man City regarding his new contract either.

Better than Schteve?

Maybe, but completely unproven as a manager and a big risk with an important season coming up where staying in the Prem is vital for the future of the club.

Just because it worked with Keegan doesn’t mean that Viera would be able to replicate that, particularly under the present set-up.

Frank de Boer: A serial overachiever as a player and a manager, the possibility of FdB coming to Barrack Road after statements

about wanting to work in the Premier League and rebuild a ‘sleeping giant’© Newcastle United caused a great deal of excitement among tf cognoscenti. A great player for both Ajax and Barca, it was his record as manager of Ajax which impressed as he notched up 4 successive Eredivisie titles before being toppled by a Gino Wijnaldum inspired PSV this year. His first title came after being appointed caretaker manager in December 2010 with a 3-1 win on the final Saturday of the season at home to FC Twente, the previous season’s champions, when they were managed by one Steve McClaren. And he went on to win the next three to prove it wasn’t a fluke.

However, the strength of character which marked out de Boer as a player sometimes made him difficult to manage. He went on strike to force a www.true-faith.co.uk

move from Ajax to Barca and rode out the shame of being found guilty of taking the banned anabolic steroid, nandrolone, winning his appeal. Moreover, his time at Barca will also be remembered for his public criticism of the German goalkeeper, Robert Enke, after they were knocked out of the Spanish Cup by third division Novelda FC in 2002. Enke subsequently committed suicide in 2010 and this episode has been held up as one of the catalysts which sent him into depression but it also highlights one of de Boer’s enduring traits, his competiveness and unwillingness to accept anything other than peak performance from associates. His players are left in no doubt regarding the level of performance expecttd of them.

De Boer is a winner and The idea of meandering along to finish 10th in the League and pick up the cash would be anathema to him. He would have expected to be supported in the transfer market him to compete.

Maybe the recent signings suggest he would have been given that support but many still remain to be convinced that there has been a significant change to ‘the model’ in operation at SJP, certainly not enough to accommodate de Boer.

Better than Schteve? Yes, definitely but it would have needed a handbrake turn within the current set up to accommodate him www.true-faith.co.uk

at international level but his club record is not as impressive. Bilic seems to be developing a clubman’s comb-over which could endear him to older supporters.

Slaven Bilic: Bilic had a successful club and international playing career which included spells at Everton and West Ham before taking over as coach at Hajduk Split in 2002.After managing the Croatia U21s he took over the senior side in 2006 where he ran up against Steve McClaren in the Euro Championship qualifiers, beating England home and away to end McClaren’s international career.

Bilic left the national job after the 2012 Euros to take over as manager of Locomotiv Moscow. Bilić’s first season as a manager ended with the Lokomotiv’s worst league result (9th place) since the establishment of Russian championship in 1992. Bilić was sacked on 18 June 2013 but moved almost immediately to Turkey, taking over the reins at Besiktas with a three year contract worth €4.8m. He left the club without winning a trophy at the end of the 2014-15 season to join West Ham. The Hammers were pretty excited about his arrival but, like most English fans, that view is largely informed by his success with Croatia. His record at club level is less impressive.

Better than Schteve?

Beat him home and away

Remi Garde: The initial front-runner after being interviewed by the club after Pardew left. After overseeing Lyon’s youth academy, Garde took over as First Team Coach just as the club were heading for financial meltdown, having failed to qualify for the Champions League. As a result he had to manage the sales of important players while trying to keep the club competitive. The fact that he largely achieved this must have been a significant plus on his CV but his desire to bring his coaching staff with him represented a major obstacle at the time as Charnley wanted to keep Carver, Stone et al in place (remember this was before the disastrous end of season – although surely anyone watching us over the last few years must have wondered what was happening at Darsley Park). His knowledge of the French football scene and reputation across the channel might have been more important before the club decided to scout out pastures new such as

Belgium, Holland, Spain and Germany. Garde also has a reputation as an independent thinker who will walk if he doesn’t get his own way, something which would not be appreciated in the corridors at SJP. Better than Schteve? Has nothing like the managerial record but might offer a different way of thinking and playing. His record at Lyon’s youth academy was excellent and he oversaw the development of players like Lacazette and Grenier who are now highly valued.

Again, a risk but has a track record and maybe one worth taking.

Michael Laudrup: A truly world-class player, Laudrup won league titles with Ajax, Barcelona, Real Madrid and Juventus. As a member of Johan Cruyff’s “Dream Team” at Barcelona he won nine trophies, including four successive La Liga titles from 1991 to 1994, and the European Cup in 1992.

Laudrup moved to arch rivals Real Madrid in 1994, with whom he won his fifth La Liga title in a row.

Laudrup started his managerial career as an assistant with the Danish national team before taking over at Brondby where he enjoyed both League and Cup success, winning the double in 2004-05. tf 37

After failing to agree new contract terms he left in 2006, joining Spanish club Getafe in 2007 who he took to the national Cup Final and quarter-finals of the UEFA Cup, a considerable over-achievement for a club of their size. After failing to agree a new contract, however, he left after just a year and joined Spartak Moscow in 2008. He only lasted 7 months before being sacked ‘for poor results’. Laudrup was out of work until taking over the reins at Mallorca in 2010 where he managed to rescue the club from imminent relegation. However, once again, his tenure was short lived as he resigned in 2012 citing frustration at interference from the club’s Director of Football. He wasn’t out of work for long, taking over from Brendan Rogers at Swansea after the Irishman’s departure for Anfield. He made a raft of new signings pre-season including Michu, Chico, Pablo Hernández, Jonathan de Guzmán and Ki SungYueng. The signing of Michu tf 38

in particular proved inspired as his goals pushed the Swans up the league and in 2013 Laudrup led them to their first ever British trophy when they beat Bradford City 5-0 in the League Cup Final. However, after much speculation regarding his future where he was forever being linked with ‘bigger’ jobs, Laudrup was sacked in February 2014 after a poor run of results (6 defeats out of 8 – not quite Carver).

In June he was appointed manager of Qatar Stars League Champions, Lekhwiya, who he led to a record League and Cup double before leaving in June this year. Currently out of work.

Better than Schteve?

His reputation as a player undoubtedly helps to attract players and he has won titles in the minor leagues of Denmark and Qatar. However, his achievements with Brondby, Swansea and Getafe are probably more analogous to those at Middlesbrough and FC Twente. However, although his managerial

career has been successful he does have a tendency to walk after a year or so in post so would probably be regarded as too much of a risk by the SJP hierarchy.

Thomas Tuchel: After an undistinguished playing career cut short by injury, Tuchel started to make his name when he was promoted from the Youth Academy to become Head Coach at FC Mainz shortly after their promotion to the Bundesliga in 2009.

In the 2010–11 season, Tuchel coached Mainz to seven wins in their first seven games, including an away victory over Bayern Munich. The team finished fifth and both Schalke 04 and Bayer Leverkusen made approaches for Tuchel in the latter–half of the 2013–14 season. Tuchel followed up his success by leading Mainz

to a UEFA Europa League spot during the 2013–14 season after finishing the season in seventh place.

[6] Tuchel asked to be released from his contract prematurely and left the position of Head Coach on 11 May 2014. However, Mainz refused to release him from his contract which meant that he was unavailable to take over anywhere else until the end of last season.. He finished his Mainz career with a record of 72 wins, 46 draws, and 64 losses but it was the way he built the club and developed a club culture which marked him down as a coach to watch. It was no surprise that Borussia Dortmund appointed him to replace Jurgen Klopp after he resigned at the end of the season.

Better than Schteve?

Tuchel stands 6ft 4 and is an impressive figure when interviewed. He brings a new approach to the role and would have overseen a complete revamp of the way the club is run as he did at FC Mainz. Many www.true-faith.co.uk

people think that is still needed but the current hierarchy probably think he is too much of a risk, having only had success at one club. It could be a one-off or he could be the next Jurgen Klopp.

Although the potential risks are high the rewards could be equally massive.

Di Matteo: A successful player in Italy and England, latterly with Chelsea it was to di Matteo’s credit that he was prepared to slum it with Milton Keynes Dons when learning his managerial craft. He took the Dons to a League One play-off semi in his first season but lost to Scunthorpe United.

Immediately after, he was appointed as the new manager of West Brom following their relegation from the Premier League (with us) in 2009. He led them to promotion at the first time of asking and many will remember the way in which they played their football that season, probably better than ours although we had other qualities which led us to win the Championship in front of them.

Despite winning Manager of the Month for September 2010 on his return to the top flight, di Matteo was sacked as manager in February 2011 after a www.true-faith.co.uk

McClaren is a safe(r) pair of hands who will be expected to get more out of the current squad and integrate new signings while sticking to ‘the model’.

poor run of results. West Brom finished the season in 11th and di Matteo was appointed as Assistant to AndreVillas-Boas at Chelsea in June 2011. Following the dismissal of Villas-Boas in March 2012, di Matteo was appointed as caretaker manager. Incredibly he led them to a FA Cup and Champions League double, beating Barca in the CL semis before turning over Bayern Munich on their home turf. The 2-2 away draw in the Nou Camp semi and the draw in the Olympic Stadium in Munich which set up the penalty shoot-out were tactical masterpieces. Although there was a lot of talk of the players managing themselves they hadn’t shown any signs of doing that since Mourinho left.

However, the two year contract awarded to di Matteo after his victory didn’t prevent him from being sacked just five months later. The pill was sweetened by the fact that he continued to get paid £100,000 pw until he took

another job. Not surprisingly he took his time and waited until October 2014 before taking over at Schalke 04.

Schalke were 11th when he took over and he lifted them up to 6th, although it was just a run of two wins in their last 10 games which prevented them qualifying for the Champions League.

Di Matteo resigned in the close season and is still without a club at the time of writing.

Better than Schteve? A Champions League win and an FC Cup would suggest so.

Even though it was achieved with better players they were under-performing before his arrival and, for all his magic, Mourinho has looked like winning the CL since. His record in Germany is better than Schteve’s and his sides play good football. Would have been an excellent choice.

Who else has been given a mention? Take your choice from Rafa Bentiez, Mark Warburton, Berndt Schuster, Harry Redknapp, Jocelyn Gourvennec , David Moyes, Mercelo Bielsa, Sam

Allardyce or Christophe Galtier. You could even have a bet on Ant and Dec at 500/1. Any of these would have been an improvement on the ‘Best Coach in the Premiership’ whose deluded ramblings have recently graced the pages of the Daily Telegraph as he tries to punt himself to some desperate chairman.

Could we have done better than McClaren? Probably, but it would have meant a bigger gamble than the club was prepared to take, even under Ashley. McClaren is a safe(r) pair of hands who will be expected to get more out of the current squad and integrate new signings while sticking to ‘the model’. The better candidates would not have been prepared to accept such a straightjacket and, until he was sacked, it looked as if McClaren had his own reservations.

Let’s hope if it all goes tits up this time the club have a contingency plan which doesn’t include John Carver. tf 39

During recent years as our club drifts ever further into the mire, it has become clearly noticeable that NUFC and (more in particular) it’s support have become particularly unpopular as a general rule of thumb.

My work takes me to the South East on a regular basis and experiencing the disdain head on makes it all the more palpable.

Someone down there of actual intelligence said to me recently, “There’s only 1 club can win the Prem, Nick. You boys just have your sights set too high!!”

Too high?

We’d all snap your hands off for 4th bottom!

The thing that always leaves me scratching my head is, why? How can people in London or Brum or Manchester be even bothered to talk about us?

The written press Of course, during the mid 90’s as Kevin’s entertainers

marauded up and down the land dazzling everyone and nearly winning things, we were the perfect package.

You were pretty much guaranteed a spectacle when Newcastle were on Sky and you didn’t have to worry about us becoming the next Man U and winning everything in sight for a generation.

Here, I think might be the first clue in our popularity demise.

It’s an unwritten rule in today’s Britain that the tabloid press will turn on their once favourite with all the glee of a fox in a hen-house given an iota of a chance The amazing football and the media lauded atmosphere at St

James in those days (having been waxed lyrically to death) clearly left many scribes from Merseyside to The Capital & beyond to start thinking ‘who do they think they are?’

As those golden days started to become a distant memory, post Bobby and with charlatans such as Souness, Allardyce etc further leading us down the garden path, we had become a total joke in the eyes of the popular press.

The rise of the gobs**te / keyboard warrior Talk radio stations have been popular in the States for decades. The phenomenon took root this side of the pond in the early 90’s with the odiously, toad faced

Nick Clark Follow @Clark5Nick

The People’s Republic of Tyneside vs Talksport & the White Van Men of Essex.

tf 40

www.true-faith.co.uk

David Mellor and Radio 5’s 606. That is an institution which is still going strong today. It’s rival, Talksport is a more dumbed down version of the above. For example, a popular tactic to get the great unwashed apoplectic with rage is for someone like Ian ‘The Moose’ Abrahams to state with absolute certainty that such & such a player is utter scum for declining to play for his country whilst a brain donor like Darren ‘Goughie’ Gough will diametrically oppose him by saying that said player has every right...... etc etc. What follows is Dave, a white van man from Basildon, who ‘supports’ ManYoo blethering on & agreeing with one or t’other. And on (and on) it goes. As a support, we get particularly short shrift from this type of media. Dave & his white van cohorts have us down as pathetic moaning Minnies, ludicrously demanding success and Barca style football.

& White stripes to sweat shop allegations aimed at our darling owner’s tat emporium business.You can understand why a certain type of punter may find all this titillation interesting and why we offer so much to talk about for pious, yet sadistic lady battering ex footballers to drone on about.

I find soap operas turgid and therefore I pay zero attention to them. The United of today are the archetypal example in long running soap storylines.

From Freddie and his tales of Spanish bordellos to today and the unscrupulous loan sharks staining the Black

Problem with the Jawdees is...

www.true-faith.co.uk

Social Media seems to follow suit. Lonely 32 year old virgins from Widnes get the horn from hiding behind the moniker, Captain Fishtail and giving us ‘delusional’ six nowt from the supreme comfort and absolute safety of their mum’s computer room on twitter etc.

But here is my next head scratcher. Why do we, as supporters get so much grief for having the temerity of being unhappy at the total circus of a club we have to endure these days?

Hands up who has heard any of the following....?

They want to win every game 4-3.

They want 11 Geordies on the pitch.

They got sir Bobby the sack.

They think they’re a big club.

They got Pards the sack.

They’re delusional.

Here are my answers to the above - and I’m suspecting 95% of the rest of our fan base will agree.

1-0 will do me thank you.

(Well, any win to be honest) a few players with premiership experience would be nice.

Aye, because we really wanted a walking cliche like Souness to take us to the next level. yes and no. Despite the fact we haven’t won a pot since just after the Cuban Missile crisis we do boast the 10th highest average attendance in Europe. And, if we are not in any way important why the f*** do you want to flap your gums about us in the first place?

Yes, we couldn’t bear his toadying to Ashley, his awful record, his square pegs in round holes selection policy, non-existent tactics and constant use of “we woz a frett” BUT... He walked when he deemed a better offer had come along.

Please read the banner.

We don’t demand a team that wins, just one that actually tries

All of the above would lead one to the conclusion that it is a clear case of uber lazy journalism creating a urban myth, leading to that false stereotype to become the accepted norm. In other words, modern day journalism.

If you haven’t nodded off already, you may have noticed the 95% guesstimate I proposed in an earlier paragraph. If I’m right then that leaves about 5% who may have a claim to causing our huge demise in popularity.

To (briefly) make a case for the Magpie naysayers, all I can muster is to blame the proximity of the city centre to SJP. When the sniff of anything vaguely interesting arises surrounding United there are always some thick Jack Clots who amble towards the ground like extras from ‘the Walking Dead’ to offer their dubious pearls of wisdom to any reporter hanging around.

These people are always tubby morons who make any right minded supporter cringe in embarrassment.

All clubs have these loons.

They are clearly not the reason everyone dismisses us. Alan Brazil, Paul Merson, Ian Wright et al are another story. tf 41

25 years ago this month Wifey and I got married at Newcastle Civic Centre. Because we were hopelessly skint my “Stag Do” involved me hitchhiking to London to see Nirvana at the Astoria and our wedding reception was meeting some friends for drinks in The Dog & Parrot.

JUBILEE - Is Newcastle Actually Better Without the Football Team?

25 years ago this month Wifey and I got married at Newcastle Civic Centre. Because we were hopelessly skint my “Stag Do” involved me hitchhiking to London to see Nirvana at the Astoria and our wedding reception was meeting some friends for drinks in The Dog & Parrot.

It is testament to the success our lives have turned out to be that our 25th wedding anniversary party was meeting friends for drinks in The Dog and Parrot. Nirvana were apparently “unavailable” to play for us. I forget the excuse but I doubt it was in any way convincing.

For reasons explained hilariously and informatively in our Kindle Book “Screw Work, Let’s Travel”. Wifey and I live in Norfolk now so the Dog & Parrot can no longer be described as our local. But unlike those despicable bastards who tf 42

invite you to their stag do in Vegas and their wedding in Fiji and expect you to turn up, at your own expense, and bring a present, while assuming you would be grateful for the privilege of being asked to do so – we like to show consideration to our friends. We don’t want to inconvenience people: we kept our nuptials simple and local and never asked anybody to dress up or write a speech and kept the amount of people who had to endure the ceremony to the barest legal minimum. We don’t want to put our friends out but we do insist on seeing them so our 25th wedding anniversary is turning into a UK tour – in some cases house by house.

25 years on from our wedding we are still married but within that 25 years an endless procession of people claiming to be our friends have expected us to travel

to places we didn’t want to go to, buy them things that we couldn’t justify the expense of buying for ourselves and share in the joy of a matrimonial bliss – that has long since desiccated into acrimonious divorce, with crying children and us, innocent bystanders that we are, having to tippytoe through the minefield of not choosing sides. This along with the fact that some of our friends don’t like each other means we have to stage manage all our social occasions. It’s a side effect of a lifetime of bonding with other drunken gobs**tes.

I should explain the lack of football in this waffle: Wifey and I are refugees from the bitter uncivil wars that have blighted Newcastle in recent years and much like our approach to divorced friends we have no interest in choosing sides. When Jonas Gutiérrez curled in

Kriss Knights AKA BILLY FURIOUS Read more stuff here billyfurious.com

Available on Amazon

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the second goal against West Ham in the last game of last season to secure Newcastle’s Premier League survival I came in from running around the garden screaming to find Wifey openly sobbing “this sort of thing doesn’t happen to us,” our pretence at not caring anymore was exposed as a pathetic lie.

However, when lovely Mick Martin (Ed: blush) asked me to do a guest bit for true faith I said “Yes, but I ain’t touching that toxic football s**te.”

We loved being in Newcastle for a couple of days and we loved it more because the football team and a good number of crazed ding-bat weirdos, who are still prepared to travel away to see them not play, were in Manchester. As you don’t need telling, Newcastle is a spectacularly beautiful city and when it hosts guests it really steps up.

50,000 Scots and South African supporters on the Saturday all seemed relatively happy before the rugby at least. The city was fizzing with energy. The restaurants were busy, the www.true-faith.co.uk

bars resounded with easy laughter, people came out who we were delighted to see and at some point a lad with hair like a Viking, a South Africa rugby shirt and a kilt took a picture of us all. A situation that with somewhat sober consideration should have been the other way round.

Newcastle without the football makes me joyously emotional – merely taking a slip road off the A1 I noticed the (unusual for Norfolk dwellers) sight of orange flashing lights on the corner of people’s cars and said, “look at these wonderful people indicating to come onto and to turn off a roundabout”, and Wifey said, “Are you crying?”

I had passed out on my friend’s sofa before Match of the Day got ugly so I was still in a good mood the next day when we went walking up Derwentside.

Dog walkers and joggers bid us a cheery hello and a red kite flew low over the viaduct just as we stepped onto it. It was a grey, cool morning and the trees were only just starting to change into their autumnal frocks

but it was breathtakingly wonderful.

We chose to get tickets to see comedian Doug Stanhope in Newcastle despite any number of his UK dates being closer to our Norfolk home.

Even though the gig was on a Sunday, and I can rarely be bothered to leave the house on a Sunday after midday, we knew the crowd would be better there than anywhere else. At this point I could do three paragraphs on the evil thievery that is the ticketing system which the Tyne Theatre has signed up to, but I’m trying to keep this upbeat.

The management did also bow to Doug’s request to keep the bar open during his show so I won’t mention the £7 a minute phone line or the invitation for “ticket insurance.”

Newcastle without the football makes me joyously emotional

So that’s your proof right there – we had a brilliant time in Newcastle and the only s**t bits were not staying out drinking with Mr Stanhope in The Head of Steam because we had to leave early in the morning and when somebody mentioned the bloody football. tf 43

If you are a certain age there is probably little or no doubt that you would accept that the St James Park of old has grown beyond recognition. From the demolition of the old Leazes End in the early seventies- broke my heart at the time- to the construction of the ‘new’ East Stand’, the redevelopment of the Milburn Stand , the removal of terraces at the Gallowgate and Leazes Ends and finally the construction of the vast Milburn Stand again. With a capacity now up to 52,000 and restrictions preventing ground expansion of the East Stand the development opportunities are pretty limited at present .Most readers will know about the arguments in the 90’s about moving grounds but nothing came to fruition and to be honest, from my perspective, you cannot beat the grounds city centre location-the heartbeat of the City indeed. I often find the grounds location being the main topic of conversation amongst visitors to our great City (and not just football fans).

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT When it became apparent in the mid to late 90s that the ground was staying put the club bought a long lease of the land behind the Gallowgate End adjacent to the Metro station and now used a as car park.

Whilst I’ve no idea how much they paid for the site back then but I suspect it wasn’t cheap. I believe the intention behind buying the lease on the land was to construct a hotel and a casino with a walkway into an extended, newly developed Gallowgate End. I think Newcastle tf 44

not getting ‘super casino status’ scuppered the proposal. However, it seems extending the ground was never far from the minds of those running the club.

It may have been at an initial capital outlay but no doubt an increased capacity Gallowgate End with a profit making development on the site would soon fund it. Even as recently as 2008 it appears the club and the City Council commissioned an independent report to look at how the land could be developed to incorporate an extension

Tom Keltey

to the Gallowgate End. No action was taken despite the positive conclusions in the report and for whatever reason the extension never proceeded, and the land under the ownership of the Halls and Shepard, and more recently under Mike Ashley, has stood as a car park. However, the possibility of an extended Gallowgate End remains, pushing up capacity even higher.

Our crowds have remained buoyant over the yearseven in our relegation www.true-faith.co.uk

seasonand we’ve remained consistently near the 50k mark over recent years. Performances on the pitch, it has to be said, have rarely warranted such crowds and the one thing that never ceases to amaze those interested in football stats is how our attendances have remained so high. Imagine if we ever did well!!

The Premier League has rarely been so popular and looking around the country it’s not surprising to see clubs looking at extending ground capacity or moving stadia. We have seen Old Trafford developed to increase capacity to 70k plus whilst Arsenal have moved from Highbury to Emirates to cope with the increasing demand from spectators.

Man City have just extended their own ground whilst Liverpool are going through a redevelopment to cater for increased demand.

Tottenham are planning to move to a bigger stadium.

We all know that West Ham are at their last season at Upton Park. The common

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theme in relation to all of these clubs is that they are wishing to extend capacity.

I’ve heard it argued that we struggle to fill the ground at present so why expand further? That’s short term thinking in the view of many. Given the crowds we get now just imagine the demand if we ever satisfied our potential and regularly challenged for trophies or tried to compete with the best. With an entertaining team challenging for trophies would 70k be enough? You’d have to wonder.

With all this in mind it was with interest that I noticed the land behind the ground was placed on the market for development at the end of 2013.There was little or no attention given to the proposal at first, until it became obvious that the land, when developed was not to include any extension to the ground .It was simply ‘the club’ disposing of their interest in the land-or at least it would appear to casual observers that ‘the club’ were disposing of the

land. Initially a development was proposed by Morgan Sindall but for some reason that didn’t proceed and then local construction company Tolent were said to be proceeding with a development-once again with no ground extension proposed. The proposals involved building student accommodation but no ground extension. From the developers point of view they would have just viewed this as a commercial scheme not connected to football in any way-they were simply paying for land to build on- and therefore it would come as no surprise to anyone that there was no suggestion that the Gallowgate End would be extended. Whatever, the fact that ‘the club’ were quite prepared to sell the land demonstrated that ‘the club’ were no longer interested in extending the ground any further.

The possibility of any extension to the Gallowgate had been ruled out by the club who were happy just to rid themselves of the site and allow any developer to proceed as they wished.

The possibility of any extension to the Gallowgate had been ruled out by the club who were happy just to rid themselves of

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the site and allow any developer to proceed as they wished. From my own personal point of view I was disappointed to read that the club were essentially preventing any possible further extension to the ground. Whilst we struggle to attract 50k at present that’s not to say this would always be the position… after all we’ve seen capacity increase from under 20k pre Keegan to 36k under Keegan to present day 50k.

Imagine a bit of success… yes, I know it might be hard to imagine now….but it was even harder to imagine pre-Keegan.

Some would say as long as the club profited then that would be ok-which,of course presumed the club itself would receive the money from the development and then invest it in the team … itself a big maybe!...in fact I suspect it won’t if you believe comments recently made in the press.

It was interesting to read the comments from Tolent when they confirmed that they were no longer proceeding with the development. Their Director commented in a response to the Chronicle that ‘the owner’ was cracking on with the development himself-not selling the tf 46

site to a private developer.

When reading that article it reminded me of a comment in one set of the fans forums minutes when questioned about the site, the club commented that the site belonged to the owner and not the club… the exact words used were as follows; ‘it is under the umbrella of Mike Ashley’s ownership separate from the club’ was the response from the Board.

So at some point in time, or maybe even at the time of his purchase of the club, the site has been moved from club ownership to Mr Ashley’s ownership-asset stripping some may call it.

The brochure advertising the sale of the land in late 2013 stated that the land was transferred to Newcastle United Holding Limited in 2004 although the brochure is silent as to what happened thereafter.

Whatever way you now view it, as a result, the natural conclusion to reach is that even if you don’t favour a ground extension or increased capacity and saw a sale of the land filling the club’s coffers that isn’t going to happen as the club wouldn’t profit from the sale. There’s only one person going to benefit and that’s the owner and not Newcastle United. The

money won’t be going back into the club to buy new players or improve facilities for supporters and in addition the ground will never increase capacity beyond its current limit. No thought about the future of Newcastle United, no long term consideration as to what capacity may be required if we were ever successful ‘again’ (I probably mean minor success i.e. challenging rather than actually winning anything).

The sad thing for me is whichever way you favour, ground extension or not, there will be no benefit for Newcastle United. At a time when others are expanding their own grounds we are doing the opposite, we are restricting the possibility of any future extension…and their match day income will increase, ours will stay the same and you don’t need to be an n accountant to know what that means.

I struggle to find positive things to say about the way Newcastle United is run… it’s certainly not for the long term benefit of the club that’s for sure!

At a time when others are expanding their own grounds we are doing the opposite, we are restricting the possibility of any future extension...

Finally, if you’re thinking ‘it’s his club he can do what he wants with it’…I’m not sure you should be reading this fanzine. www.true-faith.co.uk

true faith has been established since 1999 as one of the most successful, influential and best-selling fanzines in the country. Its success is based upon the contributions of Newcastle United supporters. As we move into the digital age and take up the opportunities for new forms of supporter expression, true faith is at the forefront of the new fanzine culture and develops its digital fanzine (what you are reading now), its match-day e-newsletter, The Special, its Podcasts, its video-blogs and of course the website. We hope to be positioned for anything else that develops over the next few years as well.

Write for true faith true faith has always provided a platform to fans to write about their club and give their own opinions on what is currently going on at United as well as the different perspectives of our club’s history and the wider game. Oh, we love a bit nostalgia and history.

There is no typical true faith writer, they come in all shapes and sizes and include home and away zealots. young lads and www.true-faith.co.uk

lasses, veteran fans, season ticket holders, exiles and whatever else you care to mention.

true faith and in fact we welcome those that are completely opposite in honesty.

You don’t need to be a previously published writer or have any fancy qualifications. All we care about is whether you have a love for Newcastle United and a will to inform and entertain your fellow supporters. We don’t care if your opinions are the same or are similar to the editorial position of

You might want to write detailed exposes of the United financial and business model or you might want to do a matchreport or you might want to do something we’ve never ever considered.

We also like dipping our toes into the waters of music, film and fashion

so if that’s your forte, just drop us a line as well.

Don’t forget, we welcome all cartoonists, photographers and designers to join us as well, so whatever your talent, we can put you to work with the aim of establishing true faith as the best fanzine for the best supporters in the whole world.

All emails to editor@ true-faith.co.uk tf 47

A Captains Tale:

Fabricio Coloccini Ross Jenkins

Illustration by Marc Jennings marcjennings.co.uk

Follow @_Jenky88

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We’ve had some brilliant captains at Newcastle United. Keegan, Beardsley, Lee, Shearer-players that had a massive impact on the team not only with their performances, but with their leadership skills and character off the pitch as well. I’d even add Kevin Nolan to that list, he knew what it meant to the fans to play for us and he was proud that he had done so. Pulling on that black and white (and blue apparently-this season’s is hideous, but that’s for another day..) shirt should feel like an honour and privilege to everyone that does it.

We want them to feel the way we know we would, if it was us getting the chance to do the same. Pulling on the captains armband and leading Newcastle United out in front of 52,000 of us should be on another level entirely then, yes?

Step up Fabricio Coloccini. A player that provokes mixed reviews and feelings, I will happily come right out and start this piece by say that for me, he is currently falling woefully short of ticking any of the boxes you would hope for from your clubs captain. When your club just happens to be in the situation ours is (at the time of writing, we’re rock bottom and 5 points adrift), the whole predicament looks even bleaker.

Signed in 2008, Coloccini had spells with Atletico Madrid, Villarreal, AC Milan and Deportivo before making the switch to the Toon. Boasting a relatively

impressive CV, I remember thinking to myself “Aye, we could have a real player on our hands here” and after an adjusting first season, that looked to be the case.

In the 09/10 season that the club won the Championship, 21 of Coloccini’s 40 appearances for us resulted in clean sheets.

Granted, the competition was of a lower level, but it’s an impressive stat none the less. However, as the centre backs Newcastle career has progressed, his number of appearances per season has steadily decreased, along with the quality of defensive performances from the back four he has ran the rule over. After being awarded captaincy in July 2011, Coloccini went on to make 39 appearances that season, notching up 13 clean sheets-the closest he’s came to replicating the 21 kept in the Championship winning season. www.true-faith.co.uk

Making only 29 appearances in the 12/13 season and 28 in 13/14, we kept only 7 and 8 clean sheets respectively.

You don’t need to be Gary Neville to know that the back four has been the achiles heel of our club for years and saying defensive performances have largely been s**te, would be putting it politely.

I’m also not putting the blame solely on Coloccini for the figures I’ve presented above, our defensive woes are thanks to a lack of capable defenders in all positions across the back four (with a few exceptions, obviously). It’s also worth noting that at his peak, Colo even made the most average of players, sniper sufferer Steven Taylor for example, look relatively composed alongside him.

His ability to do the dirty work of mopping up behind others, whilst also being able to move the ball out of defence at his feet with relative ease had most thinking he was the touch of class we’d been craving www.true-faith.co.uk

at the back-and for a small time, he was.

The issue with Colo for me however, isn’t just that performances have massively decreased over the last few years, but is equally to do with his demeanour both on and off the field. It would appear he thinks of himself as Argentina’s answer to Wordsworth because as we all know, he’s partial to penning a letter or two and putting his feelings down on paper.

In 2013, our proud captain signed off an open letter to his old club San Lorenzo, essentially claiming he was gutted to be staying in the North East. There were numerous rumours floating round as to what could possibly justify his sudden desperation to leave NUFC, but whether any of them were true or not (the bog standard ‘he’s been playing away from his lass’ was the first to come up-something I doubt as he actually seems a canny decent, family man), i found

his lack of professionalism disappointing and an insult to the club. If you went into your graft tomorrow and told anyone who was willing to listen you were desperate to leave, sooner rather than later you’d be told to do one and the choice would be made for you. It’s not unnatural for a player to become homesick or want to spend time around his family, it’s human nature.

However, to go public with a letter claiming you’re desperate to play for another football club and you’re disappointed that you’re being forced to stay captaining another is a slap in the face and for me, the armband should have been taken from him there and then. It shows a lack of respect for the privilege you’ve been given and towards the fans, who pay your wages and support you week in, week out. You only have to take one look at how rapidly feelings are changing towards Moussa “I’m champions league quality”

Step up Fabricio Coloccini. A player that provokes mixed reviews and feelings, I will happily come right out and start this piece by say that for me, he is currently falling woefully short of ticking any of the boxes you would hope for from your clubs captain.

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Sissoko (that’s if you hadn’t seen the light long before now-he’s bang average) as an example of how much of a negative effect consistently speaking out in public can have, even if you think you’re doing nowt wrong. Keep in mind, that letter surfaced a matter of hours after Alan Pardew went public with his thanks for Coloccini, praising his “fantastic loyalty” for agreeing to stay on until the following summer.

Again, whilst I’m not one to miss an opportunity to smile at that arrogant t**t being shown up in public, it’s another example of a complete lack of respect for the club or anyone who represents it.

Not wanting us to feel left out however, Captain Colo was kind enough to address us on paper just a few years later in 2015.

With Newcastle United on an 8 game slide, Coloccini and the best coach in the Premier League combined to provide the national media with one of the most hilariously embarrassing moments NUFC have had for a while (which is saying tf 50

something), as John Carver held up a hand written apology, apparently from the man himself to our fan-base during a press conference. The fact that this was one of the few times our captain has actually spoken out to our fan base in the four years he had held captaincy, a fact that was addressed immediately at the beginning of the letter, should tell you everything you need to know about his lack of leadership skills. I’m not saying I want to hear him banging on week in week out about everything from what training games they play to how angry Mike Williamson is that Thauvin doesn’t bring his lass along regularly enough (that should be your cue to google Charlotte Pirroni and you can thank me later) but when answers are needed, your captain should be there to answer them and ours isn’t. When things aren’t going your way on the pitch, there should be someone players and fans can look to and know that they are going to try and pick your lads up by the scruff of the neck and force them to push on. Coloccini

isn’t that player. His lack of vocality on the pitch is a massive downside for me, I just don’t think he is influential enough, however by most accounts, Hatem Ben Arfa can tell you all about his influence in the dressing room.

So after the decline in form, the public declaration that he doesn’t want to be here and the lack of leadership skills, what becomes of Fabricio Coloccini? A contract extension in 2015 and continued captaincy, of course. That in itself speaks volumes about our club and where our priorities lay but sadly, we know this all too well. We’re happy within our comfort zone, that being mediocrity. We see no need to promote change and shake it up a bit, because given what those who run our club class as success, nothing is broken so there’s nothing to fix-an idea that quite tragically could be proven wrong, should Coloccini have the distinction of captaining Newcastle United to relegation for the second time in his five years as skipper.

When things aren’t going your way on the pitch, there should be someone players and fans can look to and know that they are going to try and pick your lads up by the scruff of the neck and force them to push on

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These include: • Promoting the cause of diversity and opposing all forms of discrimination; • Rejecting violence, both physical and verbal; • Promoting a positive culture of fair play and goodwill between all football supporters.

Cartoons

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NEWCASTLE UNITED 2 SOUTHAMPTON 2 St. James Park, Sun 9th Aug, 1:30pm, Premier League, Att: 49,710 A lively opening to the McLaren era (as no-one is calling it) saw us share the points with a tidy Saints side in a game which could have gone either way. Pelle put them ahead half way through the first half and although I like him – definitely something about him, the ease which he outjumped Mbemba was embarrassing as was the attempt to keep out his goalbound header. They looked confident and played us off the park for the majority of the half so it was against the run of play when we took the lead in slightly fortuitous circumstance when Haidara’s cross looped over their keeper leaving Cisse to chest it in from an inch out.

The second goal was an absolute cracker though. Obertan went on one of those lung bursting runs that usually end with him running straight out of play but instead he put over a fantastic cross on the move and Wijnaldum got up about twenty foot in the air to nod home – Wijn the leap indeed. Substitute Long swung things back in their favour with his pace and it was no surprise that he got their goal, getting higher than a static Janmaat to nod home. In fairness, they had good chances to win it towards the end with Pelle in particular fluffing his lines and a draw was about right. Half decent start.

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Newcastle United – Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum (de Jong), Anita (Tiote), Colback, Sissoko, Obertan, Cisse (Mitrovic) Our Fans – 7 – Amazing that so many keep coming back, really.

Their Fans – 5 – Long way, Sunday lunchtime reasonable excuses for being poor Media View – ‘Defensive frailties on show after Magpies draw’ (Shields Gazette) In-Form – Great debut from Gini Out of Form – Haidara was wobbly defensively McClaren Watch – Fairly encouraging. Obviously has work to do but it was a reasonably entertaining start.

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SWANSEA CITY 2 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0 Liberty Stadium, Sat 15th Aug, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 20,678 If ever there was a game to sap every ounce of spirit out of you this was it. If this was us trying to impress a new manager, I dread to think what we’ll look like when McLaren loses the dressing room. They only took ten minutes to take the lead from an all too familiar script, s**te defending outside the box, easy through ball, nip round the keeper, tap in. Easy, easy, easy. Not for the first time in his United career, Janmaat then let all his team mates down through rank unprofessionalism and got himself sent off before the break. Montero, who had the Dutchman’s pants so far round his ankles, it was a miracle he could still stand up skinned him time and time again before he drew two stupid yellows from the full back, who deservedly walked. When Sissoko limped off ‘injured’ a couple of weeks before the end of the transfer window, it tells you everything you need to know about the ‘character’ of those at the club.

Five foot nowt Andre Ayew, another good player we failed to ‘get over the line’ headed home unchallenged from a cross early in the second half and they saw the game out in cruise control – a well run club playing attractive football.

Jesus, I’m jealous of f***ing Swansea.

Newcastle United – Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum, Anita, Colback, Sissoko (Taylor), Obertan (Mitrovic), Cisse (Aarons) Our Fans – 6 – Nowt to shout about Their Fans – 7 – Always liked them, a good lot.

Media View – ‘Reality check for McLaren as Janmaat sees red’ (Chronicle) In-Form – Naaah Out of Form – Janmaat let his side down badly McClaren Watch – We looked like a Carver side, which up until very recently we were. He’s got time to change that but not an eternity because this was s**t.

MAN UTD 0 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0 Old Trafford, Sat 22nd Aug, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 75,354 Our best performance of the season so far saw us win an unlikely point at Old Trafford in a day when we uncharacteristically defended excellently and even threatened once or twice at the other end. The excellent Mitrovic hit the bar with a header in the first half with our best chance and Rooney was called offside by a whisker when he put the ball in the net in the first half and although they were on top for intervals, we were by no means hanging on for grim life.

We almost nicked it near the end when Thauvin was inches away from connecting with a Cisse scuffed effort in front of our own fans but then they nearly got a winner right at the death when Smalling’s header came back off the post.

They were nowt special mind and the ‘greatest fans in the world’ responded in the way they do best in these parts, booing, f***ing off early and adopting that ridiculous Manc posture at our celebrating hordes. Who f***ing loved it.

Newcastle United - Krul, Taylor, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum (de Jong), Anita, Colback, Perez (Tiote), Obertan (Thauvin), Mitrovic (Cisse) Our Fans - 9 - Noisy from start to finish Their Fans - 5 - Most over-rated fans in world football Media View - ‘Gritty fight earns Old Trafford draw for Newcastle’ (Hartlepool Mail) In-Form - Coloccini had his best game in a long time Out of Form - Obertan looked a bit lost at times but it was a fine team effort McClaren Watch - Getting a point here, no matter how poor the Man United side will do for me.

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NEWCASTLE UTD 4 N’HAMPTON TOWN 1 St. James Park, Tues 25th Aug; 7:45pm, League Cup 2nd Round, Att: 26,923 A nice easy win and a chance for new boy Thauvin to shine against minging opposition at least gave us something to cheer in a match that was never going to be a ‘banana skin’.

Thauvin had us one up after three minutes from a Haidara centre and when Sicknote de Jong flicked a header in for our second inside ten minutes we were getting giddy. Prize idiot Tiote then completely needlessly gave them a lifeline, stupidly handling in the box and their big centre forward twatted it past Darlow – all this in the first twelve minutes.

A lovely passing move between Perez, de Jong an Thauvin gave us a glimpse of what we might have (cough), setting up Janmaat to put it in the far corner. Things were so easy that Williamson got a fourth from a header with half an hour still to go, giving time for young Toney and Mitrovic to have a run out but we settled for four and a place in the hat. Which of course isn’t a hat at all.

Newcastle United - Darlow, Janmaat, Lascelles, Williamson, Haidara (Toney) Gouffran, de Jong, Tiote, Thauvin (Mitrovic), Aarons, Perez (Colback) Our Fans - 6 - Usual sort of League Cup crowd but they enjoyed it Their Fans - 7 - Gave Toney a good reception Media View - ‘Thauvin shines on St.James debut’ (Chronicle) In-Form - Thauvin looked like a world beater. Mind, fourth division side and that Out of Form - Aarons didn’t look at it McClaren Watch - First win and no hiccups.

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NEWCASTLE UNITED 0 ARSENAL 1 St. James Park, Sat 29th Aug, 12:45pm, Premier League, Att: 50,388 Difficult to say ‘what might have been’ here but when you’re down to ten men in reasonably dubious circumstances and you concede to an own goal, then you have the right to feel at least a little bit narked. The game wasn’t doing much when Mitrovic got a straight red after what seemed like nowt malicious on Flamini – the lad hasn’t got a ‘rep’ already has he? If he can’t put a lid on it, one thing is for certain, we’re knackered as given the paucity of our squad, he’s got to be the difference between us getting the goals to stay up or we’ve off back down to the second division next season.

In truth, we chased shadows for the rest of the afternoon, roared on by a crowd indignant by Arsenal’s all round snideyness. In the end we held on until the 52nd minute and the goal was a jammy one on their behalf as Krul could only parry Ramsey’s shot to Oxlade-Chamberlain, who despite fluffing it still saw his effort go in via a Coloccini deflection. Hard done by or not, we’ve got to sort ourselves out pronto as we’re only going one way fast.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum, Anita (Perez), Colback, Sissoko (Cisse), Thauvin (de Jong), Mitrovic Our Fans - 8 - Indignant Their Fans - 7 - Plentiful as ever Media View - ‘Can McClaren control Aleksander Mitrovic?’

(Independent) In-Form - Difficult really given the circumstances – Janmaat was possibly the pick Out of Form - Difficult really because they dug in as a team – I don’t think they’ll be rushing out to buy Sissoko and well, Mitrovic if you class it as a deserved sending off McClaren Watch - Out of his hands to an extent. Has a real man-management job on his hands to calm Mitrovic whilst still harnessing his radginess to good effect. tf 55

WEST HAM UTD 2 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0 Upton Park, Mon 14th Sep, 8:00pm, Premier League, Att: 34,907 A total non-performance from start to finish saw us easily beaten by the Hammers, with a lad by the name of Payet who didn’t fit into Charnley’s moneyball spreadsheet absolutely pulling us to bits. A right old fanny on getting to the ground meant the away end was conspicuously sparse by the time he’d put them one up inside ten minutes, with Anita fannying around from our own throw in, being dispossessed with Payet given all the time in the world to pick his spot in the top corner.

They sewed it up just after half time with an abysmal free kick from the abysmal Thauvin on the edge of their box leading to a quick break upfield with Moses running the length of the pitch before hitting the bar, with Payet on hand to knock in the rebound. Perez added a bit of life when he came on and Janmaat should have scored in the first half but that really is polishing a turd as this ranked up there with some of our efforts under Pardew and Carver.

Terrible.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum (Aarons), Anita (de Jong), Colback, Sissoko, Thauvin (Perez), Cisse Our Fans - 6 - F*** on getting there, might as well not have bothered Their Fans - 8 - Good. For all it’s flaws, I’ll miss Upton Park and fear the atmosphere at the Olympic Stadium will be nowhere near as good Media View - ‘Payet at the double as midfielder steals show by delivering Hammer blow to flightless Magpies’ (Mail) In-Form - Perez looked bright when he came on. The starting XI were all terrible.

Out of Form - Christ. Thauvin was s**te, Wijnaldum might as well not have been there, Cisse didn’t try and the defence was cack. Other than that....

McClaren Watch - Totally insipid, no leadership or direction on the pitch, he can f*** off with the one up front bollocks as well. Especially when the ‘one’ was as bad as Cisse

NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 WATFORD 2 St. James Park, Sat 19th Sep, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 47,806 Where do we go from this one then? Outplayed, outfought and out-thought by the relegation favourites at the start of the season on a day when you started to wonder whether the chickens had come home to roost. At least three of our starting line up were a disgrace – Coloccini got ragged all over by a lad with no finesse but plenty of bottle in Deeney, Thauvin was lucky to last till half time given his amazing achievement of finding one of their men after every single pass and Cisse is rapidly losing the goodwill he’s earned at this club.

As well as Deeney, they had a very smart operator in Ighalo and he put them ahead when they passed straight through us. His second was a shocker – Deeney was able to control a long ball with absolutely zero challenge from Captain F***ing Marvel and leisurely slip a through ball to Ighalo to score his second. Janmaat, yet again our main attacking threat pulled one back from us but we ended up with exactly what we deserved from the game – f*** all.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara (Aarons), Wijnaldum, Thauvin (Obertan), Colback, Sissoko, Perez, Cisse (de Jong) Our Fans - 5 - Worn down by it all Their Fans - 7 - Enjoyed their day out, pretty good I thought Media View - ‘Club makes worst start in 29 years’ (Shields Gazette) In-Form - Perez if I had to pick anyone at gunpoint Out of Form - All awful, Cisse and Thauvin especially rank.

McClaren Watch - Terrible result and the approach was all wrong, defensively a shambles.

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NEWCASTLE UNITED 0 SHEFF WED 1 St. James Park, Wed 23rd Sep, 7:45pm, League Cup 3rd Round, Att: 33,986 Ah God man, I mean this is as bad as it gets, up there with the Brighton and Stevenage fiascos of recent years as we were deservedly beaten by Sheff Wed’s reserve side. We had actually lined up with a ‘strong’ side but were utter s**te, barely creating a chance and looking vulnerable every time they broke. The main surprise was that it took them to the 76th minute to score the only goal of the game. Their centre forward was allowed to bring a long ball down on his thigh in the box, have time to turn and shoot past a terrible Krul who should have saved it comfortably.

Read that sentence again.

They should have buried it but contrived to hit the bar from an inch out with an open goal and de Jong had two good chances for us at the death but the bone idle c**t fluffed both of them and a big part of me was relieved he had as another half an hour watching that garbage would have been the end Newcastle United – Krul, Janmaat (Mbabu), Lascelles, Mbemba, Williamson, Wijnaldum, de Jong, Anita, Thauvin (Perez) Sissoko, Obertan (Toney) of me. Just piss off man, will yas?

Our Fans – 5 – Excellent turn out at this stage, understandably disgusted by the ‘product’ on the field Their Fans – 9 – Excellent, loads of them and very noisy – wish they were back up in the top flight Media View – ‘Steve McLaren’s Newcastle booed after defeat

by Sheffield Wednesday’ (Guardian) In-Form – God, erm....nope.

Out of Form – Collectively hideous with special mention for Thauvin who was plain disgraceful McClaren Watch – The first major stain on his management for me. Fans remember minging cup performances and the start of the very long end for Pardew was Brighton in my eyes.

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NEWCASTLE UNITED 2 CHELSEA 2 St. James Park, Sat 26th Aug, 5:30pm, Premier League, Att: 48,682 What is it about Chelsea that drags us into life (other than the fact that they are utter bastards)? Late kick off, bellies full of ale, a common enemy – SJP can still be fantastic when it’s like this. After the run we’d been on, everyone was expecting to be watching this through their fingers but in the end, we just ran out of the steam that would have given us a famous win. We’d been on top approaching half time when the magnificent Ayoze Perez killed a mis**t cross before smashing the ball past Begovic – delirium.

If things felt surreal, the acid really started kicking in when we doubled our league directly from a corner, with Wijnaldum rising to head Perez cross home – Jesus! We looked well in control before a double substitution turned the game. Still, there was only ten minutes left when one of those subs Ramires smashed a thunderbolt in the top corner and all of a sudden we looked dead on our feet.

Heartbreakingly, the other sub Willian equalised with five minutes left when he whipped a free kick over that every bugger, including Krul missed with it ending up in the bottom corner – similar to Milner’s against the Mackems a few years back and just as s**te. Still, great point and a few smiles again – wonders never cease.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Mbabu, Wijnaldum Anita, Colback (Obertan), Sissoko, (de Jong) Perez, Mitrovic (Toney) Our Fans - 9 - Excellent, SJP was bouncing as it was last time they came here Their Fans - 6 - Good numbers, barely heard a peep from them till they scored Media View - ‘Late agony for McClaren’s side’ (Shields Gazette) In-Form - An excellent team performance so difficult to pick one but Mbabu had a great debut Out of Form - Sissoko wasn’t great, but it’s splitting hairs McClaren Watch - Got it right, went at them with a much higher tempo than we had been playing and we just tired. tf 57

MAN CITY 6 NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 Etihad, Sat 3rd Oct, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 53,850 Is there no end to the headf*** that is NUFC? No-one but no-one expected anything other than a howking here but the manner of this one defied belief. At 40 minutes, we could and should have been three up after Mitrovic scored, had one incorrectly ruled out for offside and missed a clear chance and we were dominating the game. Half an hour later we were 6-1 down and looking down the barrel of double figures – howay man, who does that?

In mitigation, Aguero was in modern parlance ‘unplayable’ and he got five of those six with the excellent De Bruyne putting the other in the top corner and we simply capitulated. Poor defending from Mbemba gave them the first and Silva pulled us all over the place for most of the others – a mix of excellent goals and f*** witted defending. No leadership whatsoever, which we’ve known for years. It don’t look pretty.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Mbabu (Lascelles), Wijnaldum Anita, Gouffran (Thauvin), Sissoko (Tiote) Perez, Mitrovic Our Fans - 7 - Stunned to be ahead after 40 minutes, even more stunned half an hour later Their Fans - 6 - Mehhhhh Media View -‘Sensational Ageuro bags five to stun the Toon’ (Star) In-Form - Sergio Aguero Out of Form - Ha ha, take your pick. What Gouffran was doing starting is anyone’s guess McClaren Watch - The half time team talk must have been something special

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NEWCASTLE UNITED 6 NORWICH CITY 2 St. James Park, Sun 18th Oct, 4:00pm, Premier League, Att: 47,006 Whoooah ya bugger where did that come from? A welcome if unexpected win hauled us off the bottom and brought up the quiz question of when did a United midfielder last score four goals in a game (I’m still not sure!). In summation...

Sissoko cleverly played in Wijnaldum for our first before they equalised through rank bad defending, mainly from Janmaat. Sissoko again provided the cross for Wijnaldum for the second and he headed home before Perez put us three one up with a shot into the bottom corner before they pulled another back in very similar circumstances to their second. 3-2 half time.

They then dominated the first twenty minutes of the second half, looked a certainty to score before cult hero Mitrovic controlled and lashed a half volley in at the Leazes, leaving Wijnaldum to get first his hat trick with another header and then his fourth with a slightly jammy deflected

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SUNDERLAND 3 NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 Stadium of Light, Sun 25th Oct, 12:00, Premier League, Att: 47,653

effort from outside the box. Four assists from Sissoko, eight goals in total. Mental. Wouldn’t mind a repeat of this carry on next Sunday!

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett (Haidara), Wijnaldum, Tiote (Anita), Colback, Sissoko, Perez, Mitrovic (Cisse) Our Fans - 7 - More than happy with that second half Their Fans - 6 - Likeable if a bit quiet Media View - ‘Wijnaldum bags four to ease pressure on McLaren’ (Telegraph) In-Form - If Wijnaldum doesn’t get man of the match after scoring four from midfield, then he’s never going to get it.

Out of Form - Tiote man – Jesus!

McClaren Watch - A huge improvement and good to see persistence with Mitro and Perez up front. Big confidence boost ahead of next weekend.

The unthinkable became thinkable, if that’s even a word and a bonkers game saw us clock up six straight defeats against (and we say this every year) a truly shocking Sunderland side. You can’t overplay the level of our dominance in the first half – we were absolutely all over them and could easily have been ahead from efforts from Colback and Coloccini before disaster struck and Coloccini saw red and conceded a penalty from what was at worst a 70/30 challenge on Fletcher. Alleged sex case Johnson scored the penalty and to say it was against the run of play would be to say that he *REMOVED ON LEGAL ADVICE* with that lass.

We still should have gone on to get something with ten men and Mitrovic missed a golden opportunity to level when he cut inside but shot straight at Pantillimon. We remained the better side until Billy Jones, which is the name of a painter decorator, stole in to get their second and their third from Adam Johnson who had been *REMOVED ON LEGAL ADVICE* to that lass took the piss.

It’s happened so often of late that we’re down to ranking the defeats in order – for the record, I was nowhere near as angry as last year but equally despondent as after the first three-nil at our place.

These are dark times.

Newcastle United – Eliott, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett, Sissoko, Colback (Lascelles), Tiote (Anita), WIJNALDUM, Perez, Mitrovic Our Fans - 6 - Noisy in the first half, slipped into familiar numbness in the second Their Fans - 6 - Very noisy after the goals but you got the sense that even they knew they’d dodged a bullet In Form - Wijnaldum and Sissoko dominated in the first half Out of Form - Dummett was s**te and Tiote is a f***ing joke, stop playing the twat for God’s sake Media View - ‘Six in a row as Cats break their duck’ (Sunderland Echo) McClaren Watch - Ten games, one win, second bottom.

Gareth Harrison - Follow Gareth on @truefaith1892

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CONTENTS

tf 61

It is a fact of history that empires rise and fall. The once mighty and proud Roman Empire collapsed in the 5th century AD as Rome was sacked and even the returning legions could do nothing to prevent it. Similarly the Britsh Empire, the biggest the world has ever seen, faded in a few years in the exhausted aftermath of the Second World War. And then we have the fall and decline of business empires. Events in the last week or so have made me wonder if we are begining to see the decline and fall of the Ashley empire.

PETER SAGAR

E R I P M E F O END The last few days have seen David Forsey, the chief executive of Sports Direct, charged with a criminal offence, relating to the collapse of its fashion retailer USC. The charge involves disrespectful behaviour towards warehouse staff in Scotland, around 200 of whom were given just 15 minutes notice of redundancy, so contravening section 194 of the Trade Union and Labour Relations (Consolidation) Act 1992. This kind of appalling behaviour in connection with Sports Direct, will of course come as no great surprise to anybody who has watched M i k e Ashley and the

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disrespectful manner in which he treats his workforce....and the supporters of Newcastle United.

Ashley seems to be happy to be somebody who comes across as a mean-spirited sociopath who cares only for himself, his family and his friends. Perhaps of greater significance in relation to the charging of Forsey is where the criminal investigation might spread.

Those of you aware of the history of the Watergate Scandal will know that it began with those way down the ‘food chain’, moved up to the likes of Mitchell and Halderman, before knocking on the door of the White House itself and claiming the presidency of Richard Nixon. Can we assume that just as the many problems at Newcastle United are ultimately Ashley’s fault, so the buck at Sports Direct also stops at Ashley’s desk? One www.true-faith.co.uk

has to wonder just where criminal investigations into the running of Sports Direct might lead.

This week also saw the shocking news in a BBC investigation, that ambulances had been called to Sports Direct’s Shirebrook clearing house no fewer than 82 times in in 2013 and 2014, as staff were too worried to stay off work for fear of losing what little job security they had.

Incidents included 36 cases classed as ‘life-threatening’, a 52-year-old who suffered a stroke in the warehouse canteen after being too afraid to stay off work and a woman who gave birth in a warehouse toilet. This is of course all in line with Sports Direct’s six strikes and you’re out policy of petty offences, which Ashley is using as part of his Dickensian way of operating.

It was also reported that Unite the Union were becoming more heavily involved in campaigning against the working conditions at Sports Direct.

And this is where there might just be opportunities for joint campaigning between Newcastle United www.true-faith.co.uk

supporters and Unite to achieve all our goals.

There can be little doubt I feel, that the working conditions at Sports Direct are getting more publicity than they otherwise would do, because of Ashley’s involvement with Newcastle United. If we assume that to be the case then the more supporters work with Unite to link Ashley and Newcastle United with Sports Direct, then the more publicity the issues will receive and the more likely it is that pressure will mount on Ashley to change the disgraceful working practices at Sports Direct. This will of course please Unite, but what would Newcastle United supporters get out of it?

Well for years now poll after poll have suggested that the overwhelming majority of Newcastle United supporters want to see Ashley sell the club.

Speaking personally I agree with what Kevin Keegan stated seven long years ago, that Newcastle United will never get anywhere under the ownership of Mike Ashley. Now there is a saying that there is no such

thing as bad publicity, but I don’t believe a word of it.... just ask Gerald Ratner. If supporters groups, working with Unite and others, can convince Ashley that his connection with Newcastle United is starting to seriously harm the business he really cares about, Sports Direct, then I think he might quite easily come round to the view that hanging onto Newcastle United is not worth the effort. Then all supporters would have to worry about is who Ashley sells the club to. But at least, after the darkness of the last few years, a few rays of hope might just break out...

It is in the interest of all those who are appalled

by Ashley’s disrespect of both his workforce at Sports Direct and the longsuffering supporters of a once proud football club to get Ashley to finally do the decent things; to treat his workforce better and sell Newcastle United to those who might really care about the club, its traditions and its supporters and work in their interests to take the club forward.

the shocking news in a BBC investigation, that ambulances had been called to Sports Direct’s Shirebrook clearing house no fewer than 82 times in in 2013 and 2014, as staff were too worried to stay off work for fear of losing what little job security they had.

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Regular readers will know John Milton, formerly of the East End Favela of Heaton has been living in Rio for a good few years now and has absorbed his new football culture without entirely ever being able to stop scratching his Newcastle United itch...

The boy from brazil

Quem é o Craque?

The editor has been nagging me for months to come up with a list of my favourite Brazilian players of all time.

I hope you can appreciate why I’ve been avoiding the challenge like the plague it’s an impossible task.

players who have captured my imagination, whose auras of legend extend beyond the white lines of the pitch – players who are much more than their titles, goals and stats can possibly convey.

So here is my personal top 5. I’m certain that there won’t be many who agree with my pick - but this is my personal top 5, not the top 5 agreed on by experts and pundits or voted on by the public. It’s also a list of

I’ve excluded players that will probably have you scratching your head wondering why. Neymar, for example. He didn’t even come close. There’s no doubt that he’s head and shoulders above any other

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member of the current seleção in terms of, well, everything; pace, touch, skill.

But he didn’t make my list on the grounds that, well, he’s a bit of a t**t, isn’t he?

Likewise, you’re not going to see Rivaldo, Robinho, Romario or Ronaldinho here. Great, great players – just without that cult status to make my list! I bet they’re devastated.

Pelé is definitely the second best Brazilian player of all-time, no-one would

JOHN MILTON Follow on @ Geordioca begrudge him that. It’s just that after he hung up his boots it became obvious what a tit he is. He has spouted so much crap since ending his career at New York Cosmos (things like Nicky Butt being the best player at the 2002 World Cup, for example) that every time a Brazilian sees him on TV they visibly cringe, fearing whatever drivel he may be embarrassing them with this time. Even when he took on the most evil administrators the www.true-faith.co.uk

sport has ever endured, Havelange and Teixeira, he didn’t manage to earn any credence. He went to war with them over money, but having had his nose stuck firmly in the FIFA/ Havelange/Teixeria /CBF troughs throughout the 70’s and 80’s he came across as hypocritical and greedy rather than the people’s champ he craved to be.

Definitely not cool enough for my list…

Of all my ‘almost-rans’, Marta is probably the one most deserving of a place in my final 5. She has done more for the women’s game than all of the USA star players and England’s Kelly Smith combined. The greatest female player of all time, she has won the FIFA World Player of the year award 5 times has

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been runner-up a further 4 times. Incredible! Having to play all over the USA and Sweden just to earn the recognition and cash that her outstanding talent deserves is something that would be unimaginable to her male counterparts.

There really are too many Brazilian legends of the game to mention, so let’s cut to the chase and knuckle down to my Top 5 Brazilian Legends of the Game.

O Diamante Negro Leônidas (1913 – 2004) O diamante negro (The Black Diamond) is without a doubt one of the most important Brazilian players to have ever taken to the field. Not only was he an outstanding striker, but he was also at the forefront of the

fight against prejudice in the Brazilian game; he was one of the vanguard of black players, one of the few blacks to break into the top flight teams.

When he signed for the elite club Flamengo in 1936 he became one of the very first black players to represent the Brazilian giants. He and his fellow black and mulato players during the ‘20’s and ‘30’s were trailblazers, opening the gates for the dark skinned players who followed in their wakes into the, up until then, exclusively white, upper-class world of futebol. By the time Leônidas signed for Fla, he had already won the Rio State Championship with both Vasco da Gama and Botafogo and he would go on to win it again with ‘Mengo. After this third success he moved to São Paulo FC where he would win the São Paulo State Championship 5 times.

As for the canarinhos, he represented Brazil at 2 World Cups (1934 & ’38) scoring a total of 9 tournament goals and ending the ’38 tournament as top scorer. His World Cup goals contributed to his astounding stat of 37 goals in 37 appearances for the national team. On top of all this he was also a pioneer of the game: it was Leônidas who invented the bicycle kick, first using it in 1932 while playing for Bonsucesso!

Legend? Without a doubt.

A Enciclopédia – Nílton Santos (1925 – 2013) One of the greatest defenders the game has seen, Nílton Santos plied his trade at left back for Botafogo and Brazil. He was a member of that exclusive club – a one club player.

Having come through ‘Fogo’s youth setup he played with the alvinegro team until he retired in 1964, having picked up a hatful of club honours to compliment his 2 World Cup winner medals from the ’58 and ’62 tournaments. After retirement Santos went on to become a highly respected football journalist and pundit, putting his famous wealth of knowledge (as his nickname suggests) to good use for

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the good of his audience.

Santos earned his place in my list thanks to the part he played in transforming the game. He was the first defender to push up the pitch and join in with the attack, so successful was this new role of an attacking fullback that it became a trademark of the Brazilian game, in fact, you could almost say that the position is now synonymous with the yellow jersey. It allowed Brazil to line up with a flat back 4, safe in the knowledge that while in possession they wouldn’t be short in attack as they could rely on the 2 full backs to bomb on and add to weight in numbers going forward. He is quoted as saying he didn’t envy the modern player their salaries and riches, only the freedom they enjoyed in attack – a great sentiment. Santos earned the Left Back spot in Fifa’s ‘Team of the 20th Century’, and few would argue with his inclusion.

Still held in high regard by both Brazil and Botafogo fans, his skill, knowledge and technique has helped maintain the mythical status of his playing days despite passing away so recently.

It was with great relief when I discovered that the Botafogo fans lobbied the club and managed to have the name of their stadium changed in his honour, after being named after the odious João Havelange they now play their games in the gloriously titled Estádio Nílton Santos. tf 66

O Furacão – Jairzinho (1944 - ) O Furacão (The Hurricane) earned his nickname thanks to his exploits at the 1970 World Cup in Mexico as part of the team widely regarded as the greatest team to ever have played on the world stage. I had to include one of the 1970 Brazilians, obviously, and even though Pelé has been discounted due to his post-playing shenanigans I was still left with a wealth of potential candidates – Tostão, Gérson, Alberto Carlos, Rivelino… Not a bad bunch to pick from. But it’s Jairzinho who narrowly gets the nod. He famously scored in every game he played in the tournament, one of only two players to have done so (the other being the Uruguayan, Gigghia, in 1950).

He managed to achieve this feat

despite having to overcome the biggest obstacle imaginable. Jairzinho plied his trade on the right wing the position that was held, both at club and country, by his idol: Garrincha. It must have been an overwhelming task for the young Jairzinho, to step out from the longest of long shadows cast by the greatest Brazilian player of all time, but he did it with aplomb. Not once, but twice. He first had to convince the fans at Botafogo that he was the rightful heir to Garrincha’s No. 7 shirt, and then he had to overcome the doubters when he pulled on the famous yellow jersey of the seleção. There was no way Jairzinho could match Garrincha in terms of dribbling , t r i c k s , ginga or entertainment value (although he did

have more than his fair share of these attributes), but he was able to add pace, power and directness to his game. This made him a nightmare for any fullback to deal with – it really was like a hurricane bearing down on them on the wing. The secret weapon in the greatest ever team, the skills to ease the pain of losing a club and national legend, and a kick ass afro to boot.

O Doutor – Sócrates (1954 – 2011) I think it’s fair to say that Sócrates embodies everything that we in the tf bunker dig about football.

His father foresaw great things in his newborn son and so gave him a name to live up to (oh aye, Sócrates is no nickname, his full name is Sócrates Brasileiro Sampaio de Souza Vieira de Oliveira – a mouthful even

by Brazilian standards!) and I think it’s fair to say he lived up to his grandiose name – and then some! An amazing talent on the pitch, a huge intellect off it, a trained doctor of medicine (hence the nickname), writer, politically engaged, www.true-faith.co.uk

journalist, outspoken activist against oppressive club regimes, heavy smoker, drinker and all round bon viveur. In an era in which his country was run by an oppressive military dictatorship which outlawed, and brutally punished, any form of workers’ union or organisation, Sócrates did just that. As the star player of one of Brazil’s biggest clubs, Corinthians, Sócrates organised the Corinthians Democracy movement – a movement in which the players took control of the running of the club. At a time when clubs were run in much the same manner as the country was being run by the dictatorship, the Corinthians Democracy

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movement was seen as a protest of, and a direct challenge to, the ruling military junta: the club took on the metaphorical embodiment of the country with the players taking the place of the people. This was a highly risky snub to the authorities both at his club and in Brasilia. The players voted on all matters which affected them, from training methods to meal times, from squads to tactics. Although this period was not the club’s most successful, its motto “win or lose, but always with democracy” is a powerful statement, even in today’s free society. Back in 1980 when you were living your life under a dictatorship those words must have

struck a cord. As you’d expect, with Sócrates at its head, the movement was politically engaged outside of the club, too. The players famously voted in favour of wearing strips with ‘Vote on the 15th’ printed on them – a call to their fans to take part in the country’s first multi-party election since the military coup of ’64.

On the pitch, the thought of Sócrates brings back memories of that headband with a mop of hair sprouting out above it, wrapped around one of the most cerebral, intelligent brains to have played the game.

Long-limbed and elegant, he would confidently stride forward towards the opposition box before threading a ball through the eye of a needle, consistently making the assist far more impressive than the goal. If he wasn’t laying golden eggs for his team mates to profit from, he was unleashing thunderbastards™ from 20 yards out. He captained one of the World Cup’s greatest teams: the Brazil

1982 squad managed to cram the midfield brilliance of Sócrates, Zico, Junior, Cerezo and Eder into a mad 4-2-2-2 formation. And finally, what a way to bring the curtain down on such a glittering career than a 1 month contract at Garforth Town AFC which culminated in a subs appearance against Tadcaster at the age of 50.

A pioneer of the disguised backheel pass (Calcanhar de Ouro (Golden Heel) was a common moniker), as far as football’s ‘Kings of Cool’ go, you’d have to put some case forward to topple O Doutor from his rightful throne.

A Alegria do Povo – Garrincha (1933 – 1983) The best way to appreciate who Garrincha was, in terms of footballing ability, private life and mentally, is to try to imagine a hybrid of Gazza and George Best, with all their talent and all their addictions, all their naïveté and all their lust for life - times it by 10 and you’d be getting close.

Garrincha was born in a small town outside Rio de Janeiro called Pão Grande, he was born into a simple life to simple parents and with legs bent and twisted tf 67

on his feet and do it all again! But when he was toying with his opponents he wasn’t trying to humiliate them on purpose – the defining aspect of Garrincha’s game is that he played for fun – whether it was a kick around in Pão Grande with his mates, in front of a packed Maracanã with Botafogo or winning the World Cup in Sweden with Brazil it was always just a game for him. He did nothing but entertain the crowds – and he was loved for it. One of the things that grabbed my attention when I first discovered Garrincha was his nickname; these are vitally important in Brazilian culture and the to the point where he really shouldn’t have been able to walk, let alone kick a ball.

His right leg bent outwards and his left leg bent inwards, some people say that this deformity helped to confuse his opponents, whether or not that is true, it is the reason why he was sometimes referred to as o anjo com pernas tortas (The Angel with Bent Legs).

Growing up in his small backwater town he was able to pursue his 3 passions – women, drink and football (in that order), and he had a notorious appetite for all 3.

After failing to get picked by some of Rio’s bigger clubs (they probably decided it wasn’t worth it after seeing his legs), he was persuaded to give Botafogo a try. I can only imagine it was a cruel joke, but when Manuel tf 68

Francisco dos Santos from the countryside rocked up with his bent legs, the coaches decided it would be fun to see him suffer, so they threw him in at the deep end. Garrincha lined up against none other than Brazil left back - Nílton Santos. At the end of his trial, Santos grabbed Garrincha and dragged him straight to the club President and demanded he sign the young winger there and then, “so that I never have to face him again!”​ True story. Garrincha spent the next 13 years destroying, toying with, humiliating and turning inside out any poor left back whose job it was to try to stop him. He’d regularly turn a LB in knots, land him on his arse, and rather than kick on towards goal he’d stop, go back, wait for the defender to get back

hour with him, he’d say he understood, get on the training pitch and would do anything but what the coach had asked him to do. Exasperated, the coach would give him a bollocking, he’d shrug his shoulders and say, “But I scored.” He rarely knew who he was playing – and I’m not just talking about which defenders he was up against; I mean he had no idea which club he’d be playing. There are plenty of stories about him putting his socks on and asking his teammates who they were about to play. Names of opponents and teammates were difficult for him so everyone was ‘João’ (‘John’).

It didn’t matter, he’d get

Garrincha lined up against none other than Brazil left back - Nílton Santos.

At the end of his trial, Santos grabbed Garrincha and dragged him straight to the club President and demanded he sign the young winger there and then, “so that I never have to face him again!”​ names that have been given to Brazil’s best have been strong, imposing names: O Rei (The King – Pelé), O Imperador (The Emperor – Adriano), O fenômino (The Phenomenon – Ronaldo) and yet Garrincha – the greatest of them all, is praised for the gentlest of gifts – bringing joy to the people.

Being blunt about it, Garrincha was thick. He was untrainable. Coaches would go over tactics and strategy for hour after

the ball and do what he did best – he’d dribble.

In the 13 years that Garrincha played for the national team, Brazil never lost when Garrincha and Pelé lined up together. Not once. In the build up to the ’58 World Cup everyone was talking about the Soviets and their new, scientific approach to sports, and football in particular. The loosely disciplined Brazilians were worried – but no amount of sports science can account for pure www.true-faith.co.uk

genius. It was Brazil, and Garrincha in particular, that took immediate control of their group match. The first 3 minutes of the game, which included 3 Garrincha dribbles and his hitting the post, are considered to be the best 3 minutes of football ever produced.

The Brazilians got to the final where they beat their hosts 5-2. It was a bit if a disappointment to Garrincha, “Is that it? But in the Carioca (Rio State Championship) we play them twice!” As well as winning the world cup he even managed to father an illegitimate son to one of his hotel’s chambermaids, the rascal.

4 years later Garrincha had established himself as one of the leading players of the seleção and when Pelé got injured in the second group match Garrincha became the main man. He went on to do what only 1 other player in the history of the sport has ever done – single handedly won a www.true-faith.co.uk

World Cup. He carried the Brazil team to the semifinal where he received a red card at the end of the match against the hosts, Chile, having finally reacted to the rough treatment he had been receiving from his opponents and the crowd.

Somehow *ahem* the CBF was able to appeal against his ban for the final so he played, Brazil won, and Garrincha was on top of the world.

I mentioned Best and Gazza earlier, and like them Garrincha was an alcoholic.

While training he’d show the manager that he was drinking water but the clear liquid in his water bottle was neat cachaça. Like Best and Gazza the demon drink would drag Garrincha down to his predictable, inevitable and shockingly sad demise.

As he got older and his body could no longer process the amounts of alcohol being inflicted on it he began to lose his pace. He was unfit.

He was being found out by normal, everyday defenders.

His personal life was in tatters – he was married to his childhood sweetheart but she never left Pão Grande – she stayed there with their 7 daughters while he chased skirt all over Rio. Whilst drink driving he had a head-on collision with a lorry, the accident killed his passenger immediately – his mother-in-law. Botafogo began to abuse their star by signing up for gruelling tours around Europe to play exhibition matches in which Garrincha was contracted to play, but his knees couldn’t cope so he received injections to hold the pain at bay just long enough to fulfil his obligations. He wasn’t clever enough to negotiate the business side

of his career – he would sign blank contracts as long as the club would keep him in beer money. He was dragged to England in 1966, old, overweight and finished - he was a shadow of his former self. He came home and divorced his wife to shack up with samba singer Elza Soares which made him a villain in the eyes of the catholic public.

Botafogo threw him out and he bounced around from club to club trying to reignite his career. He never did.

Mané Garrincha died at the age of 49 of cirrhosis of the liver, in the street and broke. He was the brightest star to have shone on our game and he was discarded, neglected by his friends, his clubs and his country.

He should always be remembered with pride by the Brazilians as a reminder of what they have brought, and what they can still bring, to o jogo bonito, but they should also remember him with deep shame as a reminder what they, as a society, are capable of doing – even to those that bring so much joy to so many.

tf 69

When the True Faith editor asked me to write a 3,000 word article on whether Newcastle had spent enough Andrew Trobe cash over the summer, I didn’t think it would be a problem but was unlikely to take the full 3,000 words.

In fact I could probably manage it in a single syllable (it rhymes with “woe”).

“ANDY - CAN YOU ASSESS WHETHER THE CLUB INVESTED ALL IT COULD OVER THE SUMMER? 3000 WORDS” When the True Faith editor asked me to write a 3,000 word article on whether Newcastle had spent enough cash over the summer, I didn’t think it would be a problem but was unlikely to take the full 3,000 words. In fact I could probably manage it in a single syllable (it rhymes with “woe”).

At the time of writing, with 8 games gone, we sit bottom of the League with the same number of points as I have on my driving licence. And that’s

despite spending nearly £50m in the summer.

But who knows, with the purchase of Charlie Austin, we might have been hitting the dizzy heights of second bottom by now.

As supporters, no matter what is spent by the club, we always think that we should be pushing for that extra signing, that final piece of the jigsaw (or in our case the first piece).

But realistically, did we spend all that we could in the summer?

1. the funds that the club has accrued through their business activities and; 2. the amount the club are prepared to borrow; 3. the amount that the bank are prepared to lend the club; 4. the personal wealth of the owner and how much of that personal wealth

they are prepared to invest in the club; 5. compliance with the Financial Fair Play Regulations; 6. anticipated earnings;

But before we have a look at all that, let’s have a recap of what we actually did spend in the summer and how it compared to other clubs.

Cost

Players Out

Cost

Wijnaldum

£14,500,000

Alnwick

Released

Mitrovic

£13,000,000

Ryan Taylor

Released

Mbemba

£6,900,000

Gutierrez

Released

Toney

£300,000

Campbell

Released

Thauvin

£12,000,000

Streete

Free

Abeid

£1,500,000

Santon

£2,800,000

Total

£4,300,000

£46,700,000

future

7. Whether the appropriate players are prepared to come to NUFC?

Players In

Total tf 70

Well despite supporter demands and expectations, there are certain limits to what a club can spend:

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Whilst we can never be certain on the exact fees commanded (these were sourced from transferleague.co.uk), we can estimate a net spend of about £42.4m. How does that compare with other clubs?

Well Newcastle had the 6th highest net spend in Europe over the summer.

Club

by our own very shabby standards.

So could we have spent more?

The first thing to look at is what cash did we physically have in the bank during the summer to finance those signings?

Well unfortunately we’ll not know until next

Spent

Received

Net

Man City

£154.2m

£52.3m

£101.9m

Man Utd

£115.0m

£72.0m

£43.0m

Newcastle

£46.7m

£4.3m

£42.4m

Chelsea

£72.8m

£35.2m

£37.6m

Watford

£34.9m

£0.6m

£34.3m

West Brom

£30.5m

£6.7m

£23.8m

Liverpool

£88.0m

£66.3m

£21.7m

Leicester

£26.9m

£6.5m

£20.4m

Crystal Palace

£25.3m

£5.0m

£20.3m

West Ham

£25.1m

£5.0m

£20.1m

Everton

£20.1m

£0.5m

£19.6m

£19.0

£1.0m

£18.0m

Sunderland

£23.0m

£9.1m

£14.0m

Tottenham

£53.2m

£40.9m

£12.3m

Arsenal

£13.0m

£2.3m

£10.7m

Norwich

£10.0m

£0.1m

£9.9m

Swansea

£10.1m

£0.5m

£9.6m

Aston Villa

£52.6m

£44.5m

£8.1m

Southampton

£41.2m

£37.5m

£3.7m

Stoke

£21.3m

£18.0m

£3.3m

Bournemouth

Only European minnows – Man City, Man Utd, PSG, Real Madrid and AC Milan – had higher.

March when NUFC post

And we had the 3rd highest net spend in the Premier. Not too shabby

accountants do and guess.

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their 15/16 accounts. So in the absence of those accounts, let’s do what all Or what we call “financial forecasting”.

Needless to say, my guesswork could come back to bite me on the arse in a few months time. But as I suspect most readers will have forgotten this article, within seconds of moving onto the next more interesting page, I’ll risk it.

We know we had £34.1m in the bank last summer (2014). By estimating the cash-flow in 14/15, we can hazard a guess as to the money that was in the bank this summer to allow purchases. This is a laborious process so feel free to skip the next few paragraphs if you can’t bear the excitement of this edge of your seat accounting.

First, we need to calculate the operating profit or loss. This is basically the club’s revenue less costs.

We know our match-day receipts likely reduced in 14/15 (despite our average attendance remaining virtually unchanged) as a result of playing three less home games. We’ll also get reduced broadcasting income (merit payments) due to our 15th place finish. Whilst commercial revenue has risen by 86% from 11/12 to 13/14, I don’t expect a huge rise in 14/15 but it should increase slightly.

Next it’s expenses, the bulk of which is made up of players’ wages. This is a difficult one to predict (code for me not having a Scooby). Despite not

signing a single player in 13/14, our wage bill increased by nearly £17m from the previous season ( jumping from £61.7m to £78.3m). The reason for this is still not clear but it’s largely attributed to increased bonuses as a result of our 10th place finish (we’d finished 16th in 12/13).

So can we expect a similar wage bill in 14/15 to that of 12/13 as a result of our 15th place finish? Well maybe. I predict a small reduction in wage costs in 14/15.

Player amortisation and profits / losses on player sales are the final variables when calculating the profit for last season. Explaining player amortisation will likely have you lapsing in and out of consciousness so you’ll have to trust me when I say it’ll probably increase by about £5m as a result of player purchases made last season.

Worth flagging up here that player amortisation, despite the complicated accounting treatment, provides a good indicator of a club’s player investment. You’ll not be surprised to learn that Newcastle’s amortisation (£19.6m in 13/14) was one of the lowest in the Premier (Sunderland’s was over £30m and Spurs £50m) although it should be acknowledged that we sign players over long contracts which reduces the annual amortisation charge. tf 71

Finally, it’s profit / loss on player sales.

Despite selling Debuchy, Tavernier and YangaMbiwa for a total of £17.9m, I estimate that profit on player sales will amount to about half that (again as a result of accounting technicalities too complicated to explain). We’ll lump the compensation for Pardew in here too (rumoured to be about £2.25m).

So that gives us an operating loss of £1.1m (or a single bet on the roulette wheel for Ashley at Aspers).

If you’ve managed to stick with this without lapsing into a coma, we’re nearly there now.

We use the estimated £1.1m operating loss

to estimate cash-flow during 14/15.

Add the £9.6m to the £34.1m and that gives us about £43.7m in the bank in the summer to finance player purchases.

Or just about covering our net spend in the summer. Hurrah.

Newcastle have adopted a policy of paying transfer fees upfront, rather than spreading payments over a number of years, so they owe other clubs less than £3 million. In some ways, this is an admirably prudent approach, but it

does restrict Newcastle’s ability to spend more on bringing players in.

So any cash spent over and above our bank 2015

Operating profit / (loss)

(£1.1m)

Amortisation & Depreciation

£27.9m

EBITDA

£26.8m

Player (purchases) / Sales

£17.2m

Net Cash Inflow / (Outflow)

£9.6m

tf 72

balance would need to be borrowed. Would the bank be prepared to loan us the money? Well, it doesn’t really matter.

Why? Because we haven’t loaned any cash from the bank since 2010. In fact all our external loans with banks have been paid off and replaced with another single loan.

To Mike Ashley (£129m at the last count in the summer 2014).

accumulated annual losses of £535 million excluding approximately £200 million on facility upgrades.

This is the debt position in the summer of 2014.

structure and the local area (not that Moss side needed it obviously).

So any additional funding would need to come courtesy of Mike Ashley.

And this brings us to the next crucial point. The personal wealth of the owner and how much they are prepared to give their club (see opposite).

Since 2008, Man City have been owned by Sheikh Mansour, who has an estimated individual net worth of at least £17 billion and a family fortune of at least $1 trillion. Sheikh Mansour bought the club in 2008 for £210 million in a much publicised deal and has since

Since the Abu Dhabi buyout, Man City have spent an astonishing three quarters of a billion on players (£752m). A net spend of £537m or £77m per season.

In addition, they have invested heavily in infra-

A year before the Abu Dhabi buyout, Mike Ashley purchased Newcastle United.

The table below shows that Ashley is the third richest Premier League owner (source: 2015 Forbes Rich List). Prior to this summer, Newcastle had managed a total net spend of about £25m or about £3m a season since the Ashley takeover.

To be fair to Ashley, the bulk of his wealth is tied up in his Sports Direct holding but I think it safe to say he won’t be suffering from the cuts to tax credits. www.true-faith.co.uk

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tf 73

So we have seen the eyewatering sums spent on transfers by the richest owners in the Premier.

With one exception.

The colossal losses racked up by several premier league clubs reflect the investment they’ve made in their playing squads.

And the owners of those clubs subsidise those losses through personal loans to the club.

And to be fair to our erstwhile benefactor, he has loaned a fair chunk to Newcastle to subsidise our huge losses prior to 2010. But there are two big differences.

Firstly, Ashley was as at the tf 74

the money that loaned Newcastle a result of failures club rather than

player investment (that included the financial train wreck he inherited from Shepherd as well as the 2009 relegation). As already highlighted, Ashley

has loaned £129m.

Newcastle

To clear the debt, he would have to convert that debt into equity (shares). And that brings me to the second difference.

In 2012, Sheik Mansour converted £304.9m of Man City’s debt into equity effectively wiping out the club’s debt. Abramovich did the same with £340m that he loaned to Chelsea.

Leicester Chairman Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha converted £103m debt to equity in 2013. Ellis Short £67m at Sunderland. Lerner (Villa) £90m etc.

It’s the ultimate sign of commitment from the club’s owner. It’s basically a gift. As Dave Whelan, the Wigan owner, explained “the club owes me quite a lot of money, because of loans I have lent it. What I am doing is converting those loans into equity and taking shares. It’s a debt-forequity swap, and I would advocate every club in the country looking into doing that”.

But Ashley hasn’t converted a penny of his loan to equity.

It’s still on the balance sheet as a loan which I suspect Ashley fully intends in recouping.

Firstly, the money that Ashley loaned Newcastle was as a result of failures at the club rather than player investment (that included the financial train wreck he inherited from Shepherd as well as the 2009 relegation).

So Newcastle have to tread a fine line. Unlike other clubs where they know that any loans will effectively be wiped out (i.e. converted to shares) by more generous owners, at Newcastle we know that any loan that Ashley makes will ultimately have to be repaid. Do we really want to be in hock to Ashley for the foreseeable future?

That brings us neatly to the next limitation on transfer spending. The club must comply with the UEFA Financial Fair Play Rules (FFPRs). It’s not just Ashley’s perceived frugality which www.true-faith.co.uk

dictates NUFC’s transfer budget. To comply with the FFPRs, the club must not make excessive losses as detailed in the table below or they will face UEFA sanctions.

I’m convinced that the club opening up the purse strings during the summer was driven by the fear of relegation and the costs that would come with that.

The table shows that clubs are allowed to make a combined loss of €30m (about £24m) over the three seasons 13/14, 14/15 and 15/16.

When we were relegated in 2009, the impact on our finances were damaging. A near 40% drop in our income. (see table on right).

We know the club made a profit in 13/14 (£18.7m) and I’ve forecasted a profit in 14/15 (about £10m). So the club could probably afford to lose about £52m this financial year and still comply with the FFPRs. In other words, the FFPRs are unlikely to be a factor in what we could have spent in the summer (unless we’d made an audacious attempt to sign Messi in the summer!).

So to recap, we had about £44m in the bank in the summer, a very rich owner and no particular problems in terms of the FFPRs. So could and should we have spent more?

Well it’s my belief that what drove our summer spending spree more than any single other factor is the impact on our future earnings that would result from relegation. www.true-faith.co.uk

And that was just one season. If we hadn’t of bounced straight back, the percentage drop would have got progressively worse as sponsors dropped away, parachute payments ceased and even our magnificent support waned.

And since then it’s got a whole lot worse. And the reason it’s got worse is almost exclusively down to the current lucrative TV deal. Whilst relegated teams now receive £59m in parachute payments (over 4 years), the TV income in the Championship is buttons in comparison to the Premier.

Under the new TV deal, Premier League clubs are guaranteed a minimum £63m a season in the Premier (made up of merit money, facility fees and TV income). So a relegated club now automatically loses at least £40m in income every season. Ouch.

it’s my belief that what drove our summer spending spree more than any single other factor is the impact on our future earnings that would result from relegation.

08/09 £m

09/10 £m

Change

% Change

Match day

29.0

20.9

-8.1

-28%

Media

37.6

16.1

-21.5

-57%

Commercial

19.4

15.4

-4.0

-21%

Operating income

86.0

52.4

-33.6

-39%

And when you consider that £63m is the minimum media income for a Premier club, the costs of relegation in reality are likely to be much higher. For example, each place you climb up the Premier League table, the club earns an extra £1.2m merit payment. So the costs of relegation compared to even a mid-table finish will be north of £50m in media payments alone.

And shortly the deal gets even bigger for Premier League clubs. Sky and BT Sport have paid a record £5.136bn for live Premier League TV rights for three seasons starting from 2016-17. The deal means that each game will cost a staggering £10.2m or £1,887 per second! And that doesn’t include the international TV rights.

In 13/14, bottom placed Cardiff received twice as much TV money as Bundesliga winners Bayern Munich (and £24m more than La Liga winners, Athletico Madrid). Richard Scudamore, the Premier League Chief Exec, summed it up nicely. “Burnley are

economically bigger than Ajax”. And that is before the new deal. That gap will widen further after 16/17.

And Ashley will, of course, be terrified on missing out on this windfall. And that might even mean some additional spending in January (I’ve heard rumours of a further £50m for team strengthening). And that brings me to my final constraint.

Who on earth would want to come to a club battling relegation? We’ll not be in a position of strength to attract and negotiate with potential signings in January. To persuade them to come here to fight in a relegation battle will simply mean we have to provide incentives. In other words, more cash.

To conclude, it would be churlish not to acknowledge that Newcastle spent big in the summer. Did they spend all they could? No, probably not. Time will tell whether that’s a decision that they may come to regret. tf 75

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In latter years, the true faith Podcasts have become one of the most popular elements of our content.

Now led by Pod-Father, Alex Hurst and his PodSquad we are now putting out regular episodes to an ever-growing band of listeners across the Black & White planet. They are becoming MASSIF.

TF WEEKLY PODCAST AND RADIO SHOW Tune in on radio northumberland 7.00pm Friday night Listen here The Podcasts regularly include guests and special features. Like everything true faith does, they are absolutely FREE.

to and from matches via public transport, in the car, or just as anyone would listening to the radio in the house etc

Our listeners tell us they variously listen to the true faith Podcasts via their smartphones on the way

The Podcasts aren’t a closed shop and if you would like to join the podcasts as a contributor,

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just get in touch with Alex via the TF Weekly Podcast Twitter account and we’ll see what we can do.

More recently, the Podcasts have taken a further step forward by adding a weekly Radio show and Friday

nights at 7pm via Radio Northumberland. We are also now taking calls from listeners and attempting to develop a real Mag-led Talk-In show feel which will be something of a first in fanzine culture.

Get involved and make it happen.

tf 77

Postcards F rom The Edge Paully

“Takeshi’s Castle was not built in a day”; to quote that famous Belgian philosopher Erik van Talksrubbish. Time is of course of the essence but we now reside in an ‘instant world’ which has destroyed people’s patience levels. Instant lotto; instant coffee and instant gaming are just some examples. You can even get an instant blower off a Chinese roly-poly, dwarf called Brenda who lives in Hebburn simply by sending her a text message (apparently).

I still think that it’s too early to judge Schteve but there have been several worrying signs so far. His persistence earlier on to pair Anita and Colback in the warzone that is the middle of the park even though two anorexic hamsters carry more weight and height was baffling. They simply cannot play together and if one of them has to play then it certainly wouldn’t be Wearside Jack albeit I am a proud gingeriest so I might be biased against him. Some of his in-game management has been Patience peculiar to say the least. you must Several substitutions have have... left me severely scratching the top of my head and I hope that he has not being doing likewise because there isn’t much left of that island as it is.

The most galling aspect was his insistence to keep Perez out of the team in favour of Obertan for the majority of our opening matches. I know many of the Dutch are bang into their drugs so perhaps Schteve was completely off

tf 78

his tits all summer hence this ludicrous decision. For me, Perez is our best player and he should be the first name on our team sheet.

His touch, movement and awareness are majestic and I’m convinced that he is fully aware of exactly where the invisible man is at all times.

He also has a magnificent worth ethic and he grafts his little Spanish arse off until the bulls come home.

I’d love to see us build our team around him for the next decade but we all know that won’t happen under Ashley’s ownership. Let’s just enjoy him while he is here which more than likely won’t be for long.

I really want him to succeed here because he seems a likeable bloke who possesses a rather wacky smile but he was nowhere near the top of my list of potential new head coaches. There were many available in the summer but I am confident that our ‘football board’ took great time in interviewing a lot of candidates before deciding to give the gig to www.true-faith.co.uk

Michelle Keegan. I very much doubt that any fan wanted John Carver in charge for five months and if there are any out there that did then they need to be sectioned.

Slap my face with a wet hedgehog and call me deluded but I genuinely believe that NUFC under an ambitious owner could have attracted Jurgen Klopp in the summer.

Schteve. Yes, that actually is a flying pig in the sky. There were rumours that Remi Garde didn’t fancy life in Newcastle due to the lack of art galleries. Surely a trip to see the art on the walls of the toilets in the Black Garter would have changed his mind on that matter.

They certainly don’t get that type of majestic culture in Paris. Our owner stated that he wanted to win trophies or finish in the top four (try not to split your sides) and then a few months later appointed a head coach who failed in his previous four jobs and who endured having his P45 thrown in his face at two of them. Sadly, we all know that Ashley’s ambition with NUFC has nothing to do with what happens on the pitch.

Slap my face with a wet hedgehog and call me deluded but I genuinely believe that NUFC under an ambitious owner could have attracted Jurgen Klopp in the summer. He stated that he wanted to manage in England and that the club did not need to be a “top club”. He’s charismatic, infectious, an eccentric, loves the booze and plays fullthrottle football; basically a perfect fit for us. Dortmund had just finished 13th

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Pardew; who is a Palace cult hero (they must get when Klopp took over and their ‘l’s’ and ‘n’s’ mixed-up he certainly reignited that down there) because he sleeping giant by winning once scored a header from five trophies as well as two yards out in an FA Cup reaching the Champions semi final, has done a good League final in eight years. job so far. His managerial Mind, I don’t think that we CV shows that he always can still be classified as a has good starts before it sleeping giant and perhaps goes completely tits-up. I’d a comatose giant is more laugh my bollocks off if he suitable. I think he will be continues doing well and a fantastic addition to the is then appointed as the league and I am very jealous next England manager after of the Mickey Mousers.

Hodgson. The whole country I’m amazed that Ian would have to put up with his Wright’s gold tooth hasn’t inept cluelessness coupled popped out of Pardew’s with his smarmy bullmouth because he is so far s**tting patter. I am getting up ‘Super Al’s’ (spew) arse a twinge at the thought of that it is embarrassing. The how the media would turn annoying, hyperactive gobon him when he sets the s**te (that’s Ian Wright national team out to play and not me) certainly has aimless long hoofs towards it in for our fans due to Vardy; converts Barkley into our treatment towards a defensive wide player; his former teammate. The fields three left backs at the rewriting of history about same time and blames the Pardew’s time here by Wright melodies of the Kazakhstan as well as many pundits and national anthem for losing journalists is unbelievable. to them.

“Pardew did a magnificent Speaking of former NUFC at NUFC”; did he really? managers that I’d love to see His record during his last firmly trapped inside the jaws 18 months was shambolic of a starving shark leads me and he would have been nicely on to Sam Allardyce. sacked long before he left Sunderland’s have done at virtually every other club. their standard managerial “NUFC fans got exactly what appointment two matches they wished for”; did we before a derby. I would love really? I must have missed it; LOVE IT, if hippo-heed out on my National Lottery relegates them lot. win as well as daily sex with tf 79

The secret d iar y of Lee Ryder

David Dunn

age d 44 and a half.

20/04/2015

Well diary, the day after THAT boycot t at the Mecca on the hill at the Gallowgate. A day after Coach Carvs equalling the King’s record from last year of six-in-a-row defeats. Ah dec ided the boycott angle would probs already get covered

by Neil ‘Cams’ Cameron here at Thoms on House so decided to cover the Coach approa ch, i.e, who would be the next boss man at Ne wcastle United, who would be the man leadin g the black & white troops next year. Ah had som ething on this already as me and John are cus h and ah always have a quote on tap from the man who would be King. As ever, you have to hav e great contacts in this game if you want to sta y ahead of the rest, me? Ah’ve got contacts eve rywhere, it’s how you win awards, it’s how ah see the Trinity Mirror regional sports writer of the year award everytime ah look on me fire ma ntle piece, lol. Anyways, ah gets a bell off one of me nonfootball contacts and sometimes me best stories have come from these. The phone ran g as ah was half way through watching ‘football fac tories’ on Sky. “Ryder speaking” ah says keepin g it short and to the point, just like my articles. “How Lee! It’s Mala! Have you been on newsnow? There’s a link to a Talksport interview with Steve Howey with Alan Brazil.

Reckons Carver is ganna get the job next season, like.” It was me old schoolmate, cockeyed Mala, an old pal and another of Ryder’s narks keeping me filled in throughout Tyne

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& Wear, well, mebbees not so much the Wear bit, like. Ah thanked him and said ah’d see him alreet when ah got me new glasses and he had a pint with his name on it next time ah saw him. Ah quickly logged on to me lap top and went on the talksport link of newsnow and there it was, another gold dust opportunity to fill me loyal readers in with explosive news which they’d have struggled to hear about if it wasn’t for me reporting it. Ah got me story in the Ronny Gill pronto and ah hadn’t even left the house! Some people work hard, but the Knight Ryder works smart, Ah’m sure Alky Brazil wouldn’t mind iz using his interview and it was another piss easy bit of copy for iz in me never ending quest to keep me loyal punters up to speed with this crazy club of ours, ah’ll thanks to me contacts like Mala and Newsnow. Laters!

08/05/2015

Well ah’ve been a busy bee these last few weeks with all the fall out from the many defeats the lads in Black & white, or grey when we change strips, have been taking. Ah’ve been non-stop ‘on the United beat’ as the great Alan Oliver used to say.

Ah was in bed the other night in the middle of ‘European football factories’ which ah knew quite a bit of after me fact finding mission to Dortmund a couple of months ago, when me phone rang. “Hello, It’s Ryder, speak to me” ah said. The voice at the other said, “St. James’ Park. Half an hour. Be prompt and bring a notepad and pen.” before hanging up. Ah knew the voice, it was Danger www.true-faith.co.uk

Mouse’s friend, Penfold look-a-like, the young Toon supremo, Lee Charnley! Ah didn’t stop to think for a second, which is my normal modoss oper..., mrders, murders operation, err, is how ah normally work, like. Ah gets to the SJP reception just after midnight to be greeted by a night shift receptionist who wasn’t normally there, the lass explained it was her first shift and she was told it was for one night only on a zero hours contract.

She sent me in to a dark, murky office with just a single 40 watt lamp illuminating a small round table with Penfold Charnley sitting on one side of it and a spare chair on the other. Charnas then told the lass to sign herself out and put two hours on her agency works form which she seemed to disagree on, she gans, “But Mr Charnley, I started work at 11pm and now it’s 01. 17!” Penfold told her that NUFC only pays to the nearest hour and if she wanted to work here again she’d need to understand that before turning to me as the lass left looking at Charnas with a grateful smile although it was hard to tell in the dark room, ah got the feeling she was really grateful for the two hours pay the club had put her way. “Lee, we need a letter to the fans. It’s got to be from our Captain whom they totally respect. We’ve already tried Moncur, Beardsley and Carver, hell we even got John Hall out of his nursing home for a day and had to pretend we were taking him to MetroLand, but the fans aren’t buying it. We need Coloccini to get them to call off the protest. I’m concerned we could get relegated and Mike will go f***ing beserk if we go down and lose the tv money. I’m f***ed here if we go down, he’ll make sure I never get another admin job anywhere including WH Smith in Northumberland street as Mike knows their boss!”

Wow! The s**t really was starting to hit the fan or fans in this case. “What can ah do for you, Mr Charnley?” ah says. Charnas then told me me that obviously Colo wasn’t going to write the letter himself and that the fans would smell a rat if my belle of the PR ball, Wendy wrote it as she wasn’t on ‘the same level as the fans’ he said.

“Lee Ryder! We need you to write it for us. You have the common fans touch. You speak their language. Go ahead and write it down. Don’t use word or excel, use a notepad.” Ah scratched me head a bit at that, mind, why would he think ah wouldn’t use me trusted notepad? Anyway, under his glare ah scratched oot the words in that dark, www.true-faith.co.uk

seedy room as if me journalistic career depended on it, which, let’s be honest diary, it f***ing well does! next thing ah knaa, Carvs walks in the room and takes the A4 off iz, winks at me and says, “Cheers wor kid! Your letter’s ganna be at tomorrows presser!

Any news you need, any stories, just give iz a bell, Lee!”. F***ing champion! you can’t stop the boy Ryder getting into print! Plus ah was keeping me NUFC contacts going strong. Ah went back home in the early hours thinking, if only the fans knew the efforts ah put into making Newcastle United great again! It’s only something me loyal Chronicle readers will know and obviously love. Laters!

15/05/2015

Alreet Diary? You never guess who ah was talking to the day, mind? Coach Carvs? Lee Charnley? Bob Moncur? Obviously wasn’t SuperMac as he’s not too popular in the corridors of SJP after being a bit critical of Mike. Have you guessed? If ah’d been on the bevvy and fancied some scran ah might get a TAKEAWAY from their place. If ah wanted to go into a JUNGLE ah’d ask them then ask them to GET ME OUT OF HERE! Would that be a clue? When ah was a foot soldier in the Toon Army ah was always getting READY TO RUMBLE, aye, that’s right diary, not only do ah rub shoulders with the Premier League elite, ah’m on first name terms with the bafta boys, the Geordie duo, one Mr Anthony McPartlin and one Mr Declan Donnelly aka, Ant & Dec! Ah was at the Thomson House canteen this morning getting meself a full English as ah needed some scran on me stomach after ah’d had a bit of session after work yesterday. Ah got me scran and sat down with the Chronicle marketing kid, Cardboard Chris. Canny kid was ‘Cardboard’ but ah knew he wouldn’t be sitting with me long as he had beans with his breakfast and he’d have to eat it quick before it soaked through his cardboard takeaway box. Chris would never use a plate even if he was eating in the canteen, at first he got loads of sympathy off the lasses as they all thought the poor c*** had a china plate phobia but it just turned out he had a cardboard fetish instead tf 81

so now the lasses would never sit next to him in case he had a stalker on. As ah sat doon Chris said, “Are you gannin up to see Ant & Dec then, Lee?” Ah replied, “Ant & Dec? What you gannin on aboot, Chris?” It turned out that the Geordie superstars were visiting Thomson House and were going to pick a Newcastle United side to face QPR! Wow! But how the f*** was ah not telt about it?! Ah clocked the delicious Helen Danby, the editor, coming through the door, “Helen! Helen! What’s the craic with Ant & Dec? How come ah wasn’t telt aboot it?” Helen says she sent me an e-mail but what Helen didn’t know was that ah don’t do e-mails until a friday afternoon. Ah worked out years ago that it was the perfect excuse not to do something ah didn’t want to do if ah never had time to do it if ah didn’t get the e-mail till late on friday! Anyways, apparently they were going to film the lads and some of us Journos talking around the Thomson House meeting room table about the Toon but it was then ah realised ah wasn’t properly dressed for the cameras! Ah’d put on a casual jumper this morning that ah quite liked but it was more a comfy job, in fact it was dark blue with patches on the sleeve and when ah looked in me reflection of the glass door ah realised ah looked a right clip in it, ah looked like one of me old geography teachers! Anyways, ah just had to put up with me jumper and had some great craic with the lads. Ah asked if ah could get an invite to their London pad next time we were away in the smoke and Ant said, “Err, aye, err, Lee, err, i’ll give you my agents card, give him a ring later, mate.” Anyways, it was yet another great bit of stuff for my loyal readers to see, in fact the only bad part of the day was Ant forgetting to give his agents card. Never mind, ah’l get the card next time. laters diary!

26/05/2015

Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree

the man they all go to for getting their points across to the punters, the man who is to straight forward sentence structure what Alan Pardew was to derby victories, yes it was me! Lee Ryder who got the media invite! Ah was round there cracking on with Willo who was back in Coach Carvs good books, and dancing to Black Lace as Carvs lass put out some scran and a geet big massive punch bowl with vodka, orange, white rum, peach brandy, grenadine, a bit sugar, brandy, a bit lemon juice, some southern comfort, (At Rob Eliot’s request) and some sherry. Carvs was f***ing blotto and couldn’t thank me enough for me support, “Lee, if it washnt for you, son, if it washn’t for you, wor kid, ah, how! Gouffs! bogs that way, f***ing mon ami......err, what was ah saying, Lee?” Ah stopped the chief Geordie at SJP, “john, divvent worry, man.

You came good when it counted. A’hm all ower it in the Ronny Gill at the minute, mate. Ah’ve got a ‘One-in-a-row’ piece about THAT game and how you masterminded the club to safety with 90 mins to oblivion, Ah’ve got the 54th poll since you got the job, asking if the fans want you in charge, and ah think it might be a bit closer than the other 53 if I’m being honest, mate, think things might be swinging your way, mate.” Carvs then wiped away a tear and said, “Ya knaa yee, Lee, ah divvent care what they say,....hic!......Yer a canny kid.......Brenda! Have ya got Lee a drink, pet?.......

What wash ah ......hic!......saying?.........Sammy! Get some more tunes on, nenn of that jungle garage s**te! Put Russ Abbot on youtube! Ah want an atmosphere, y’knaa, man, ask ya da, ah love a happy party with an atmosphere-ah!........Lee, ya a canny kid yee, like, ya f***ing came through with them Carver for the toon stories, ah f***ing love yee, son, f***ing great kid, yee, man......See you....... up here yee are.” Anyways, after drinking, singing and dancing ah made me way back home, ah was

Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody Eee, ya f***a, diary! What a class couple of days, man! After Jonas scored THAT goal on the weekend everyone at Planet NUFC was in party mode and guess who was invited round to Casa Carvs house for a celebratory drinkie poos? The only North East media man with his finger on the pulse, that’s who, tf 82

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well served but at least ah wasn’t as bad as Carvs who was asleep, hanging over his hedge in his front garden, with a can of stella in one hand and a slice of Iceland pizza in the other! Lol. The Toon are staying up and ah’ve got one grateful coach eating oot me hands! F***ing jackpot! Ryder and out!

10/06/2015

time and he owed Billy the Brick ten grand with no way to pay it. “Lee, man, if ah divvent raise dad ’s rmole Catte Lee as ‘Well now, well now’ the extra coin for Billy he’ll gan f***ing radge and once nearly said, what an amazing day at the ah’ve heard too many tales aboot what he can blood a and gers mana new cathedral on the hill, dee with that jagged edge spirit level of his that letting of the coaching staff! Ah got a tip off would have you touching cloth, wor kid.” Poor d looke ah when ning something big was happe John, but poor Lee Ryder as well, this useless c*** out the window of Thompson House and saw was my meal ticket for the next few years and think did ah past, g a Sky camera crew drivin the daft c*** went and got himself sacked! What it strange that they were onto it before me as was ah ganna dee now? What ah was ganna dee ond *ing-y be-f** and above ah’d obviously gone was bung Carvs a tenner for owld times sake so helping the club out and Carvs in particular owed he could get himself a few cans then ah was up to over was ley Charn Lee knew me big time. Ah also see who the new supremo was going to be. Ah got the f***ing moon with my fake Colo letter and to the reception and the lass says to me, “Sorry ro nume the be I’d ning if anything was happe Lee, media partners only.” Ah replied, “Wha, what? uno, top banana to find out. But......there were Ya having a f***ing giraffe, like, aren’t ya? After ’.......

James St. Casa to up ng the sky bozo’s headi ah’ll the stuff ah’ve done lately? This is the thanks Hmmmmn. Anyways, ah thought Lee must’ve got ah get? Ah’ll f***ing have words with Penfold next ed decid ah so bell a me give waylaid and couldn’t time ah see the c***. Ya can tell him that anaal!” to grab the black & white bull by the horns and Ah was aboot to carry on when ah saw a certain ie Geord the oot find to raced up to Gallowgate ginger quiff entering the SJP netty through the roar. As ah left Thompson House a Harry Bamp glass window down the corridor. Ah then turned ng beggi and piss of g stinkin was sitting ootside, the tap on the famous Knight Ryder charm that ah for some dosh. The tramp said, “Howay, Mister! knaa the fanny lap up. Ah winked and said, “How, scran some for y mone can ya spare iz some pet, ah’ve got to siphon the Python if ya knaa and a few Charlie Chans? Ah’m a Toon Army what ah mean? Ah need to water the bog plants at rly prope down d looke veteran, wor kid.” Ah with me Geordie man-hose if ya catch me drift?” him wondering if ah’d recognise him from away While she looked at iz in stunned admiration d clocke ah when about day skirmishes I’d heard ah nipped into the corridor and opened the bog the dial of none other than our recently departed door just as Schteve was putting his John Thomas interim coach, John ‘Carvs’ Carver! “F*** me!” away. Ah grabbed the initiative and his hand and ah says, “What ya deeing begging, John?” Carvs shook it firmly. “Ryder, Lee Ryder. Top dog at the house his on sion exten an replied that he’d built Evening Chronicle.” Schteve, said, “Err, Lee is it? You expecting to pay it off when he got the job full might want to wash your hands, son because I, err.... haven’t!”. Anyways, warmed by Stevey Mac’s concern not to mention his warm urine, ah did an imprompteded, err, an imprompadoo, err, a quick interview. Ah got in when all doors were locked to the former FC Twente boss and made sure my loyal readers got the Ryder take on the new man with a few words from Schteve himshelf, as they say in ol’ Amshterdam! Lol! Ryder and f***ing out!

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60 SECOND

CHRIS LAws

SEASON Players: Lawrence, McCracken, Hudspeth, Hewison, Low, Hay, Douglas, Hibbert, Pailor, Wilson, Goodwill, Veitch, King, Hall, Booth, Hampson, Finlay, Mellor, Higgins, Spink, Cooper, Little, McGough, Soulsby, Dixon, Cairns.

Division: Division 1 (15th w/ 32 points - Champions Everton w/ 46 points) Manager: The Directors Committee continued to pick the side.

Trainer/Coach: James McPherson continued in his role as the coach of the side, although things slipped slightly from last season’s 11th placed finish.

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Highest Att: As always, the home derby was the biggest attendance of the season. It wasn’t a great Christmas for Mags though, losing 2-5 to the team from Wearside on 25 December.

Lowest Att: A paltry 3,000 turned up at Liverpool to see an entertaining 2-2 draw in the middle of March.

The lowest attendance on Tyneside was around 6,000, also in March, saw a 2-0 victory for United as they beat Chelsea.

Average Att: The average attendance dropped a great deal this season (not surprising given the outbreak of World War I) and was down to 15,289.

The average taking into

Tommy Goodwill - Outside Left

account of the cups was a lot better, three home matches against West Ham, Swansea Town and Chelsea knocking the average up to 18,112.

Best Win: A 4-0 thrashing of Spurs in NE1 was the best it got this year in terms of margin of victory, although we did beat the Mackems

4-2 at their place on Boxing Day, a day after a 5-2 home reversal to the same team.

Worst Defeat: The aforementioned 2-5 defeat at home to Sunderland on Christmas Day was the worst things got this season. Well, that and hundreds of thousands being slaughtered in Belgium and France.

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Something of interest: This year marked the end of football pre-war, as the gates were shut to St. James Park in July 1915, as the war intensified. Attendances all season were low, as the call to arms was heard. Many in attendance on matchday this season at SJP were dressed in forces uniform attire. Over the course of the season, injured soldiers began to be seen in the Gallowgate crowd. At one point of the season, rifle fire was practiced on the pitch at St. James by NUFC footballers. War brought to an end the football season on 28 April. On that final day of the season we beat Aston Villa with Tommy Goodwill one of the goalscorers. He would not return - killed in action.

Mentioned in dispatches: A very mediocre season for United, who were always far enough away from relegation from it to become a serious threat, were still too close for comfort to it for the locals. Remember, this was a club who had won the league just a few years back. At one stage United played without a recognised goalkeeper when Bill Mellor was injured in warm-ups. Jock King took his place... and kept a clean sheet!

National Interest: Sheffield United won the FA Cup, beating Chelsea 3-0 in the final at Old Trafford. The competition was halted from this year until WW1 was over... A rail disaster near Gretna Green in Scotland kills 226 peowww.true-faith.co.uk

War brought to an end the football season on 28 April. On that final day of the season we beat Aston Villa with Tommy Goodwill one of the goalscorers.

He would not return - killed in action. ple, mostly troops, as is the largest number of fatalities in a rail accident in the UK... Stonehenge is bought at auction for the princely sum of £6,600... Women are officially permitted to act as bus and tram conductors for the duration of the War in October this year...

Regional Interest: Mr Newcastle, one T. Dan Smith, a maverick and visionary Labour politician, whose legacy to the city has been the central motorway, Swan House and other 60s Brutalist architecture, not to men-

tion the destruction of many beautiful “Grainger” designed buildings was born this year. There was the small matter of a later jail sentence for corruption but if you want to know more – click here .

In 1863 a Special Committee of the Justices of the Borough of Newcastle upon Tyne was set up under the provisions of the 1853 Pauper Lunatics Act to consider what provision should be made for the pauper lunatics of the Borough.The Committee decided that Newcastle should build a new asylum and a site was

purchased at Coxlodge. It was to become St Nicholas’ Hospital. Or St Nick’s to locals. The Newcastle Borough Lunatic Asylum, Jubilee Road, Gosforth opened in 1869. The Asylum was supervised by the magistrates until 1871 when Newcastle City Council took over this responsibility. Between 1915 - 1920 the hospital was turned into a military hospital and the mental patients were dispersed to other institutions.

Chris Laws.

Follow @tflawsy1892 tf 85

imism; (A) culture which values only optimism will produce pathologies of pess ase. an economy built around competitiveness will turn defeatism into a dise (Will Davies) ron) ‘To be categorically clear, I’m not going anywhere until we win something.’ (Sau We, we fans of Newcastle United, are deluded.

But not the sense of deluded you may think I mean. some thing mean I markedly different from the accepted, Pavlovian narrative chuntered out by fellow football fans and Aunt Sallies like Ian Wright about Newcastle United.

The term “deluded” as I understand it in this piece is more in line with the “classical” meaning of the

. The aired before. Pub talk, the word: “An idiosyncratic a theory, mind United we go half-truths and whimsy belief or impre ssion Newcastle buy merchandise from, that somehow form a maintained despite being to, collect historical ephemera full world-view when you contradicted by reality about, read about, watch, stagger home from the or rational argument, or listen to in the media local. But I am increasingly typically as a symptom has become - like many convinced that modern of mental disorder.” I’m other British football clubs football fandom is a state ess madn the in sted intere - a dangerous delusion, that endangers our sense that lies in the gap an expensive, injurious of wellbeing and keeps us between what we take to distraction in our daily down, locked into a form be Newcastle United, and lives. Further, this particular of irrational unhappiness what we physically engage “version” of Newcastle that has no right to be with as the real Newcastle Unite d is becom ing such a force in our lives.

United, (aka Mr. Ashley’s injurious to our mental This is everywhere, it’s not Big Shop) week on week . and emotional health. Yes, just us and our discontent these things have been with our latest Squire. In Here’s a theory. Just

n io s u l e d , s g u r d , n Depressio , ig Shop B s y e l h s A r M d an RICHARD FOSTER Incendiary Magazine

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ind ul gin g in th e wh ol e “M ag s ar e de lu de d” ra nt on Sky, Twitter or 5live a st at e fu nd ed , on -a ir as yl um if ever there was one...) indulging in the whole “Mags are deluded” rant on Sky, Twitter or 5live (a state funded, on-air asylum if ever there was one) the media parrots and the fans who copy them prove their delusion is mirrored in their own lives, and just as huge, just as blindly controlling as ours. To paraphrase Jagger at Altamont; why is everyone in the UK so angry about football?

And what on earth are we doing with our time on this planet, as human beings, in relation to “our” famous old football club? The word “our” is important here. Maybe he didn’t fully realise it, but by saying the club was “ours” club last season, Charnley compounded our unhappiness and impotence by making the whole thing personal.

It may be “ours”. But related to you the reader, or me the writer, “our” club when it’s revealed as “our” club doesn’t exist long enough physically to do anything fundamental about fixing the current malaise. The club as “we” own it exists in hundreds of thousands of minds, www.true-faith.co.uk

or local functions and tap rooms, and comes together on a match day.

Charnley was taking a leaf from Kitchener in the famous recruitment poster. He was pointing at you and your sense of loyalty and desire for betterment. There is no collectivism at work here. Charnley is passing the buck and saying the responsibility to fix the mess is also “our” problem. Like some motorbike with no wheels that sits in our garage (one we’re going to do up one day) the idea that we have control over everything that is “ours” in this modern world, is a delusion. We are all individuals in this battle and that’s the massive problem.

value of pharmaceutical prescriptions for the individual suffering from mental “issues” or “disorders”. Davies raises the suspicion that such drugs are created by an industry that sees the wider value in creating a market that constantly refreshes, and replenishes itself under the guise of “welfare”. And the moral dilemmas of such drug use are often (through the mantras of “individual empowerment” and “betterment”) left to the conscience of the individual, or the result of peer pressure within organisations. Again, this isn’t a particularly new argument, and not one confined to the mental health industry. I’d urge you to check out the history behind the “Forced March” pills of the First World War. The main point is that (individual or social) coercion to be “better”, forces us to do things that

start to make us bloody unhappy, sometimes raving mental in our individual lives. Let’s quote Davies once more.

In a post-1960s era of ‘self-anchored striving’, what can people possibly hold in common other than a desire for more happiness? And what higher purpose could a psychological expert pursue than the reduction of unhappiness?

Imagine if the club is a drug company. It makes capital from our sense of duty to our idea of happiness; one which is inextricably linked to “our” version of the club.

This happiness which is also linked to our own sense of “betterment” and our own sense of (bought) happiness. We pay, we can boo, or cheer. It’s our contract. Our ultimate right. Or so we think.

And Imagine if Newcastle United as we know it now didn’t exist. Imagine

The quote at the top of this article is taken from a feature of William Davies’s book, “The Happiness Industry”.

The book deals with the way “the psychological state of the individual now becomes a target for the accumulation of capital”.

Davies propounds that it is increasingly difficult to see the tf 87

Ashley pulled the plug, well documented) but it is or the stadium fell down not a binding one. And we a mass ive sink hole. do well, as human beings And let’s take Davies’s with lives aside from idea of “self- anch ored this club to remember it. strivi ng” as a mora l Because one fundamental, individual responsibility neve r-cha nging thing the in to “betterment” about loyalty is the easy pursu it of happ iness . way it is exploited. No-one What would we replace wins prizes for loyalty. it with? I doub t if anyo ne woul d say: Here’s the rub. Why the “more the same, please! flying f*** do we feel all of Oh wait, mayb e we this fixing and rebuilding need more overp riced and of embo dime nt processed beef clippings “loyalty” is down to us? I’d masq uerad ing as a say paying our money to popular form of meat- boo and cheer is NOT our based snack and perhaps contract, or our ultimate a tad more Sports Direct right. Our ultimate right adver tising”. Of course is to see through all the we’d all want bette r. contracts we think we Maybe a team full of have with the club and local lads, or Irish and them as a delusion.

Scottish lads. If it were see y we show could down to me I’d have The loyalt Maybe humble lads with centre well be a delusion. partings called Alf or Jack that’s why we are at each from Glasgow or Derry, other ’s throats. We know who’d have mode st that something is wrong lodgings in Windy Nook but cling to, and act out, and boots that look like the things that make us armoured cars. Don’t tell unhappy; thinking they are me the same thing hasn’t our emotional salves. crossed your mind. We the GREAT are being “loyal” (after But you know ent is our own fashion, and in thing in this argum my case the stories my that bette rmen t for the granda and dad told) to individual can mean the our notion of a “better” total oppo site of what the mark et tells you Newcastle United. is bette rmen t. All very But I HATE the idea of Douglas Copeland. All very loyalty when appli ed Gene ration X. But you to Newcastle United. I don’t have to care about think it’s a remarkable Ashle y’s Big Shop phen omen on with the Mr. is something club (one shared with thinking it is, in only a few clubs, and due else, because caring to social and historical this particular context, is a contexts that have been delusion.

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John Maus - Believer I can’t get all sombre on your collective arse on this the first free version of True Faith. Here’s some cracking Musicke that can help get you out of the Veil of Tears and smash through the gates of Heaven. Yowsa.

Rotterdam Termination Source - Poing

Acid Arab - Hafla

Implog - Holland Tunnel Drive www.true-faith.co.uk

Jean-Michel Basquiat & Tuxedomoon Desire - (from “Downtown 81”)

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tf 89

O’Neill Northern Ireland’s Euro 2016 qualification under the stewardship of Michael O’Neill made me check out some nostalgic footage from the 1980s on-line.

O’Neill, of course, was the 386th young man to be dubbed “the new George Best” after he arrived from Coleraine in October 1987.

Slight of build with possibly the whitest limbs of any human being ever, I once saw him in Bainbridge’s (John Lewis? Pah) flirting with girls at the perfume counter while I used the Kuros test pot nearby before catching the X25 back to High Pit. A recent Chronicle article charted his time at SJP alongside Mirandinha and Gascoigne. I remember the year well - the Greenall’s shirts, the demolition of the old West Stand. When I read that O’Neill made his debut in a 0-4 defeat at Luton on the plastic pitch, United wore a one-off all-blue Umbro kit with no badge.

Defeats against Luton were all the more galling due to their chairman being David Evans - Tory MP for Welwyn Hatfield - and chief exponent of tf 90

the 100% membership scheme and away fan bans.

Evans, of course, famously penned a letter to the Taylor enquiry slating the behaviour of ticketless Liverpool fans in previous fixtures he attended. Luton captain Steve Foster was a risible David Speedieesque hate figure among NUFC supporters following his antics with Brighton in a 1985 FA Cup fixture and subsequent ‘hard man’ incarnations. United won the return fixture 4-0 - a game best remembered for Blakelaw’s man about town Kenny Wharton sitting on the ball.

O’ please Okay, I admit it. There are times when I look around at owners of other clubs and wonder if we really ought to be accepting of our lot. Not satisfied, just accepting. I think of Tan at Cardiff (changing club colours), Allam at Hull (changing club name) and the utter incompetence of the Venky’s, Briatore, and Mandaric, and wonder if we got off lightly. The financial affairs of Hicks and Gillette at Liverpool and the human rights transgressions of Shinawatra at Man City are arguably of more www.true-faith.co.uk

significance, but Massimo Cellino at Leeds takes the biscuit. Ditching the club’s kit deal with Macron and incurring a £5M legal claim is a mere detail on a charge sheet which lists over 30 legal challenges for non-payment or breaking of contracts and likely employment tribunals for unfair dismissal of staff. But just when I begin to reconcile that we might not have it so bad (worth adding here that many supporters of the clubs mentioned above would say we have it the worst) you see a story about the health and safety record of Sports Direct at their Shirebrook base hitting the press. So we now know that ambulances were called on more than 80 times in 2 years - 36 visits were to tend ‘life-threatening’ conditions - leaving a conclusion that staff were at the site were jeopardising their health for fear of losing their employment. One woman gave birth in the toilet. This from a company which announced a 20% rise in pre-tax profits to £300M in April this year and which has 20,000 staff - 78% of the workforce - on casual contracts. This is a company which expects staff to hangaround unpaid for 25-45 minutes after each shift so they can be checked for stealing before leaving.

January, of course, saw 200 staff lose jobs at an Ayrshire warehouse of subsidiary company USC amid bizarre circumstances where Sports Direct re-purchased www.true-faith.co.uk

the company after it had gone into administration, while over 300 staff have initiated legal action for being excluded from the company’s bonus scheme.

But let’s not forget our friends at W*ng* who, we are told, are now targeting a more aspirant demographic - a move, no doubt, to align with other narrative doing the rounds of being on the side of the ‘hard-working family’ as opposed to the ‘feckless scrounger’. Now all the talk is of helping working people who are “cash and credit card restrained” through 1,509% APR. We have all read how the FCA investigation in 2014 found W*ng* guilty of unfair and misleading debt collection practices, forcing them to write-off £220M of customer debt leading you to seriously wonder for the IQ of any adult wearing a shirt with the company’s monicker on display. Tory donor and venture capitalist Adrian Beecroft owns a major

stake in W*ng* and there is an unsubtle correlation between Conservative welfare reform and the number of punters seeking loans with huge annualised interest rates.

Much has been written about the damaging, manipulative and vulgar practices of each company.

That these are now the totemic brands of our outward identity is a deconstruction of the soul.

O’ hold on Look, the man was keen to tell us how soon we could expect to see a change of approach but when your early fixture card features Arsenal, Chelsea, Man United, Man City and tricky away trips to West Ham and Swansea, twas probably best to keep your powder dry. Exacerbated by a stopstart pre-season against second-string MLS sides, McClaren has a point when he talks of having a ‘real’ look at his roster in live time EPL fixtures. McClaren

has just failed to see the rather glaring contradiction in needing to build a side over 3-4 transfer windows but asking to be judged after 10 games.

O’ not again I have never in my lifetime seen NUFC beat a good Sunderland side and I am yet to see NUFC beaten by one. The six in a row strapline might help A Love Supreme sell a few more s**t t-shirts to lonely men who still live with their parents, but the latest setback was undeserved.

You would probably have to go back to the 195455 season to see a decent (finished fourth) SAFC beat United in a campaign which brought the FA Cup back to SJP. Sure, 0-3 is the only statistic that matters but the beer will taste sweet in May if that melted Spitting Image puppet takes them down and we stay up. Sigh - real aspiration once filled my heart. tf 91

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