TSLR050 by The Seagull Love Review

TSLR

The Albion Fanzine TSLR050 August 2013

GUS BREAKS SILENCE ABOUT OSCAR... I’D LIKE TO THANK EVERYBODY AT MATCH OF THE DAY FOR MAKING THIS POSSIBLE

£1

Inside: Loads of dramatic over-the-top stuff about Gus Preseason madness in Spain (ish) A chat with North Stand Kollektiv Roy Chuter Obituary

the TSLR SHOP

Albion tat boutique www.tslr.bigcartel.com

Inside TSLR050 5. What’s Hot, What’s Not 6. TSLR Calendar TSLR050 The Seagull Love Review is an independent Brighton and Hove Albion magazine.

9. Bring me The Head of Oscar Garcia 10. Gustavo The Great

Issue 51 / Aug 2013

12. Midfield Diamond

The views expressed in the publication do not necessarily reflect the views of the Editors, or The Seagull Love Review.

14. Roy Chuter Obituary

Thanks this issue to BM, RM, JT, NB, AW, BP, BM, KS, AW, TC Edited by SS and SS Artwork by SS Digital Publishing by BP

tslr@hotmail.co.uk @tslr

13. Bitter n Twisted

16 Interview: NSK 22. Reviews 24. Marco Van Bastard 27. Lonely From Leeds 28. Adventures in Segovia 30. Carter

Wahey, welcome back, it’s the football season again - Christ, it seemed like the, ahem, last proper match at The Amex was yesterday. Fear not though, we’re not going to collapse in a heap thinking about that calamity, nope, we’re here to be positive. It’s odd though isn’t it, it seems like for the first time in ages there is not so much confidence about the place. Perhaps we’re ready for a midtable season. 9 months of chilling out, never being anywhere near either top or bottom, some great home wins, some spine-chilling away losses, just the usual sort of stuff. An unpopular opion we bet, but one thing we know we can celebrate this season is the fifth anniversary of TSLR. in fact, this is the 50th issue. Thanks for supporting us through the years, we hope this is the best season yet. Up The Albion! S + S (Co-editors)

What’s Hot!

What’s Not!

Everyone has been saying the standard of acting in TV has been on decline recently. When Made in Chelsea wins a BAFTA, there isn’t much hope. But step forward Gus Poyet, Your acting on BBC TV about getting sacked was better than Idris Elba in Luther. Victim.

Sometimes things just don’t work out for football players. Signing Kemy Augstein meant that to avoid confusion amongst fans and Warren Aspinall, Toby Agdestein had to leave the club. Departure.

A new season begins, which means a fresh start, new hopes and a chance to ruin another football chant with hyperspeed singing and clapping. We’ve ruined GOSTBS, Great Escape, Criag Mackail-Smith and Who’s that man from Argentina. What will be the lucky chant this year? Speed. It was a difficult summer. So we can only thank the club for keeping us enlightened with news. Communication between club and fans is key . The official emails gave us news of a new sponsorship deal, new corporate lounges, new corporate recruitment services, new business partners and a new corporate lounge sponsor. We didn’t need to know about Poyet or transfers. Customers. Ryan Harley left. Celebration. Finally we got news of a new signing to cheer the mood up amongst fans. Step forward Adam Chicksen from MK Dons. I like him, he looks like me and his name looks like chicken! Transfer

@BrettMendoza

For a while we were comedy club of the moment. Lost to our rivals in the play offs, poogate, suspending the management team, clackers, manager sacked live on TV and a Barber causing carnage behind the scenes. But then Newcastle United stepped forward and appointed Joe Kinnear and their star player refused to wear the shirt. Wonga. A new season, a new shirt. The kit looks great, it looks even better with names and numbers on the back. Such a shame that from the stands trying to read what is written on the players back makes your literacy level reach “TOWIE.” Impossible. It is still hard to take. Crystal Palace in the Premier League. I want that to be us signing £6million Peterborough players, losing 8-0 to Man United and getting relegated with barely a point. Promotion. Pre season is normally filled with excitement for the new campaign. The main highlight being the latest recruits for Gully’s Girls. We get to see who has stayed, who will be the new ladies of our affections and which one we want to take out for Nandos. But that’s all gone!! Devastating.

Pre-season

tslr calendar

19 May As rumours circulated that a present was left in the Palace changing room ahead of their play-off semi-final win, TSLR can now confirm that there were indeed at least 11 shits at Falmer. They were the ones wearing yellow and blue who broke Albionite hearts as they advanced to the top flight. 27 June Dick Knight formally stepped down from Albion in the Community with a few parting shots about the way the club is becoming ‘corporate’. Whilst he made some very valid points, and remains the saviour of our beloved football club, Knight should know not to moan too much about re-branding a football club, especially as he came up with our worst logo in history™. Remember how Knight was a marketing man partly responsible for Wonderbra adverts? Something he now probably claims were nothing to do with brands, financial incentives or shamelessly using sex to sell a product. He also moaned about the financial loss to AITC from the cancellation of the Charlie Oatway testimonial that would have provided the Albion’s charity arm with a shot in the arm. If the accusations TSLR Towers have been hearing about Chas’ departure over the summer are <removed by TSLR lawyers> 1 July And the new Albion manager is… some bloke you’ve never heard of who has only managed 26 senior football matches. But what’s that? He’s mates with Pep Guardiola and Jose Mourinho? Alright then. The new Steve Gritt’ll be better than Gus.

12 July David Lopez left Albion to concentrate on this year’s Tour de France. 12-14 July The Albion are open for business to all faiths. Last summer, a Jacuzzi was installed in the north west corner of the Amex to offer baptisms. This summer, the Jehovah’s Witnesses were back. What better symbol of the new Albion than societies who make you hope a lot, pay through the nose for services and ultimately disappoint? The Witnesses at Falmer numbered 9k, or an average home crowd for a Gillingham COC match. There are 131k Jehovah’s in the UK - about the same number of Brighton and Hove residents who declared themselves ‘Godless’ in the 2011 Census. But, with our £8m a year losses, we’ll support whichever batshit religion that pays. 15 July After initial contact last summer, TSLR renewed acquaintances with those jolly nice lawyers down at the football agency that Robert Codner works for. We found out over this summer two fascinating things about the man who served time in prison for driving offences whilst an Albion player. 1) Codner is the agent of Albion youf player, Solly March, and 2) he was never charged for drug offences - something we promised we would publish. 26 July Albion’s very own Ginger Prince II (and TSLR legend in the mould of previous fanzine favourites, Colin Hawkins and Fran Sandaza), Ryan Harley, joined Swindon Town in a deal that had our Moonraker friends scrapping

round for any promising info on the bloke like a 30-something spinster on Match.com. He was the love of all our lives. 27 July Whatever your feelings about the Albion trying to become slightly less of a loss making Titanic-esque, econimically rotten right old mess of a business, you have to laugh at the club trying to market both home and away strips through most of preseason. This bizarre farce has taken place almost exclusively through the summer but it was most ridiculous when Villarreal came to town. In the first half, Albion lined up in their famous blue and white with La Liga side Villarreal taking to the pitch in yellow. They basically swapped colours as well as ends at half time. Football fans - generally not noted for their intelligence (well, us TSLRites anyhow) - struggled to understand what was going on. The change of strip by the referees was an offence punishable by an Ashley Barnes trip. 27 July Special mention should be given to honorary TSLRite, aka Sussex brethren Paul Prendergast, following Crawley Town’s epic pre-season 3-1 victory over Palace. The creepy Crawley fan spent almost the entire match goading Ian Lolloway and was subsequently banned from home games. Prendergast spent the match telling the Palace manager that his team are rubbish but the manager - who has signed Stephen Dobbie from the Albion for a rumoured 30 Millionquid or something complained to the club after having a cry. Clearly, the truth

hurts. That’ll be the only proCrawley bit of writing in here this season, too. 28 July We all know that Terry Butcher received an almighty blow to the head when playing for England in 1989 but we can only suppose he picked up another blow this summer. Either that or he definitely hasn’t watched the DVD from a January 2012 Albion cup tie in north Wales when Torbjorn Agdestein missed a sitter. Butcher signed the Norwegian for Inverness - we assume Butcher doesn’t need a striker who actually scores goals. 29 July Spanish Lopez signs for Albion after riding the Tour de France for Team Sky. There is hope that Spanish Lopez can live up the talismanic performances of Spanish Dave. The signing comes alongside the signature of Swansea midfielder, Kemy Agustien. Agustien will fit in perfectly with Albion luminaries such as Robert Codner and Kazenga LuaLua: he was arrested in April 2013 and now has 39 points on his licence. That’s more points than our esteemed rivals from Croydon will get over the whole of next season. 1 August Albion announce lucrative new deal with Estate Agents tailor of choice TM Lewin. The thread-monkeys, who are responsible for Team whistles, are just the latest in a Summer of groundbreaking sponsorship tie-ins that will get Barber sweating like a Pompey fan at a maths test. Other deals that have quenched Albion fans thirst for the latest news on marginal sponsorship deals

include FastQuid as offcial payday loan partner, Peacehaven Petulias as official potted plant and pesticide partners and LA Gear as official snide hi-top retro trainers partner. The club, as yet, are still scrambling around for a legal firm to hook up with. 3 August Albion lose opening day fixture in ridiculous style as Leeds get their revenge on previous Ellend Road fixtures by actually beating us with a last minute winner. The handball call for the winner was as tight as Oscar’s chinos which, if reports are to be believed, got the peaceful denizens of West Yorkshire into a right hot flush. Last season Albion lost the first fixture down the road in Hull, and that was last minute too. 3 August Pride Weekend and a controversial Albion loss in one day? North Stand Chat features so much anger that Google secretly sends a dossier to the CIA marked code red. Imagine if El Hadj Diouff had played? 4 August Our erstwhile manager, Gus Poyet, is all over Sky’s Goals on Sunday like Steve Parrish on a bottle of Timotei. The gobshite Uruguayan anti-hero was quick to send a warning to BHAFC HQ with a promise of a juicy Employment Tribunal so that the truth can out. Barber, with a face like a handcuffed baddie in Scooby Doo, will be dissappointed with the money squandered on pretty Season Card wallets for pleb Silver Priority Members when that cash could’ve gone to the Club’s increasingly wealthy solicitor. TSLR

â&#x20AC;&#x153;I will miss Gus but I wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t miss any of the dark drama he enlisted to silhouette an agenda in the shape of his ego, nor the unnecessary sense of entitlementturned-negativity which subsequently engulfed the club and his time hereâ&#x20AC;? Page 24

Bring Me The Head of Oscar Garcia A short skit from the corridors of power in north-east Brighton @slightlysubdad / brightononlyathome.wordpress.com

ustav, a wealthy Uruguayan, has called his two best bounty hunters, Maurice and Charles to his rambling ranch... Gustav: MY HONOUR HAS BEEN DISGRACED! Charles: ‘ows that then boss? Gustav: Ees complicated. First I find a big sheet on the floor. Charles: Nuffink terrible or complicated about that boss. You could wrap Ryan Harley in it. Gustav: No you idiot! A sheet! Number 2s. Plop plops. Maurice looks sheepish Gustav: And in any case I no able to wrap Ryan or anyone else up any more. My job has been taken! Gone! I no longer the boss. Charles: But boss, I fort you said you had enough of these fackin jokers and we was off to Leeds. Or was it Ful...

Gustav: Yes but on MY terms. I decide. No flippin Oscar decide it. GUSTAV DECIDE WHEN GUSTAV LEAVE! One day I come in and there two men built like brick sheet house changing the sign on MY door to ‘Head Coach’. They take one arm each and start to carry me out. And then I see him. Charles: oo boss? Oo? Gustav: OSCAR YOU MORON! Oscar Slimeball Garcia. Charles: Oh you mean that geezer what played for Barca? Great player. My missus says he’s well fit too. Gustav: He is sheet. He no good looking. Can he do smiley chimp face? No. He ever play for Chelsea and Spurs? No. He reach League Cup Final? Win games with Gary Dicker in team? No. This Oscar? He ever sign Vicente and then just use heem as fucking novelty paperweight? NO! Only I, the great Gustav can do this.

Charles: He did just win the league with Maccabi Tel Aviv though. Maurice: And he have beeg tackle. Gustav: Maurice! Shut the fuck up! I pay you to seet in the corner and look miserable. Charles: So what we gonna do boss? Gustav: I tell you what we gonna do. You gonna find him and avenge my honour. Take Maurice with you to interrogate the waiters at Casa Don Carlos. Use those lads from White City if you want but not the one with the eyepatch and six toes. Find him. Keel him. Avenge my honour. And get my job back before Barber send me another text offering alternative role as half time street dancer. BRING ME THE HEAD OF OSCAR GARCIA! TSLR

GUSTAVO THE GREAT Moving on isn’t going to be easy, the split was messy. But let’s think of the good times, not the bad. The Minor tries to figure it all out, often using examples of Greek mythology

nd so it ends. The King is dead. Long live the King. We mere customers and consumers left none the wiser to the reasoning behind the Great Parting of the Ways but happy to be left to our own devices, basking in the reassuring afterglow of a replacement’s appointment like a tortoise clutching at a Seagull Store carrier bag while soaking up the rays of yet more financial burden passed his way. We supporters know just one thing. It was always going to end thusly. With Gustavo the Great it was never going to be pleasant or amicable. Our one time saviour was either going to leave for pastures grown more green with the crop of Premier League cash, or amid a violent and messy combustion of clashing egos. We hoped for the former but got the latter. That now cannot be changed. It is time to move on. Nothing remains of his era but the foul, nostril raping stench of

how it ended. Defeat. Hopes dashed. Dreams torn asunder. The ultimate glory handed to our ultimate rivals. Talk of ceilings being hit, contracts being breached and pound upon pound stuffed into the already bursting wallets of the legal eagles circling the carcass of Poyet’s reign like vultures eyeing up the decaying corpse of a Maasia Mara zebra drained dry of water, only in this case the life-giving elixir was promotion, not the dirty water of a game reserve. It is time to move on. Time to embrace Oscar Garcia, the latest hero to rock up in Brighton and give the city’s collective heart a bump start. But perhaps there is still time to look back fondly. Just once more. Before the passing time clouds our judgment enough to stop us remembering the good and reminiscing only about the pre-Oscar bad. Surely Poyet deserves that? Surely? Think back to his arrival. Just once more. Indulge this football romantic observer. Do that one thing for me and I will Let. It. All. Go. Southampton away. A club languishing in the footballing never world of League One. A support base in need of a lift. Enter Poyet stage left. Enthusiastic. Passionate. He arrived like a barrel chested South American wrestler intent on dragging this club kicking and screaming up the pyramid with little more than his will to win and a vision of something better. Something more beautiful than the sum of its parts. A style of play which would drive opponents into submission. Turn them to stone like a Medusa’s head. Southampton wouldn’t be the last team to tap

out when faced with Poyet’s signature move. That night he was Perseus, slaying the Kraken of apathy released by seasons of underachievement and pity from those who had no right to direct it at us. It would not be confirmed in the eyes of the unbelievers until promotion was clinched a season later but those lucky few who headed to St Mary’s that night like flies attracted to a blue light, not really knowing WHY they had to but just that they did, the signs were clear. Brighton Were Back. And, just like Zeus, the more we offered our adoration to him, the more we worshipped at the Amex Altar, the more powerful he became. And how we loved it. And how we loved HIM for it. The Albion, perhaps, had created a monster every bit as dangerous as the apathy he destroyed. He wanted more. We wanted more. But he had a choice of where to get it. We, the common fan did not. It was always going to end thusly. Even though we know not WHY or HOW it has ended, we know that. But it wasn’t as bad as time will paint. The end should not muddy the means. But now you’ve indulged this football romantic let us agree to move on together. Oscar is here and we are happy. The club is still here. And really, to the masses who, without the Albion, would have nowhere else to go, surely that is all that really matters. TSLR

The Minor

Midfield Diamond With paparazzi clambering to get a picture and the national media obsessed with guessing, all eyes were on The Amex for the new manager announcement. Well, sort of.

hat a dramatic summer. The Lions beating the Aussies on their own patch, Chris Froome winning the Tour de France, Andy Murray’s triumph at Wimbledon and England retaining the Ashes in style (that’s maybe premature at the time of writing). And all of that pales into insignificance compared to two major global events. The first involved the sacking live onair of a football pundit. After much speculation about his future, our beloved Club announced that manager Gus Poyet’s contract had been terminated. They chose to do so during the game between Uruguay and Tahiti televised on BBC3, where Mr Poyet was one of the studio guests. In a popular move, Gus was then asked about the breaking news at half-time, thereby saving the viewing public from a tedious analysis of two marginal offside decisions using slow motion replays from three different angles. Instead, Gus spoke about the circumstances of his sacking and, despite his strong Uruguayan Spanish accent and not really saying anything of interest, was easier to understand, more entertaining and made more sense than Robbie Savage has ever managed. As a result, the world’s media have reportedly been inundated with requests for more live dismissals. At the BBC, there is a rumour that Alan Shearer may be the first of a series of so-called experts to go, closely followed by Mark Lawrenson, in what some insiders are calling ‘the bland leading the bland’. The second major event involved a new heir to the throne. The new arrival was eagerly anticipated by hordes of followers tuned to radios, televisions and the internet. Here was an opportunity to celebrate another new

beginning, recognising tradition and heritage while looking forward to the future with hope and expectation. The final month of waiting was almost intolerable for some as their annoyance grew at the lack of news. The release of bland statements explaining that everyone would be informed as soon as there were significant developments did little to dispel their frustrations. There was even worrying speculation at one point that there might be complications as further time passed without updates. Other interested parties understood that some things cannot be rushed, although there was growing impatience amongst even the most tolerant of onlookers. But irrespective of the emotions during the long, exasperating wait, everyone was incredibly excited. And then, finally, to a huge outpouring of joy from all around the world, the safe arrival of the successor to Gus Poyet was announced. Oscar Garcia Junyent was unveiled as the man destined to inherit the honour of wearing the crown as the future King of Brighton and Hove Albion. We will be following his progress intently and hoping the new royal male can deliver. TSLR

itter & Twisted would like to confirm the following for the benefit of Brighton & Hove Albion supporters requiring clarification during this difficult period. Firstly, the directors of Bitter & Twisted would like to clear up any misunderstandings there may be in respect of this awkward situation by confirming that something serious has definitely occurred. This serious situation has been the subject of extensive speculation in the media, online and more generally in Brighton & Hove and beyond. Whilst we do appreciate the matter is of great concern to fans the sensitivities surrounding the matter are such that it is not possible to elaborate on the precise circumstances at this time. The positions of the relative parties in the discussion have not yet been fully explored and it would therefore not be appropriate currently to add further to the debate. We are disappointed that not everyone agrees with our entirely consistent & reasonable position. We are issuing this statement to ensure

there is no ambiguity relating to our opinion which we believe has been misrepresented but is nonetheless entirely justified in the circumstances which we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t reveal for legal reasons. For the avoidance of doubt, however, the board of Bitter & Twisted would like to reiterate their commitment to moving the matter forward to a successful outcome. We are confident that the matter will be concluded in the best interest of Bitter & Twisted, its shareholders, directors & supporters. We would like to thank our fans for their continued loyalty and understanding during this difficult, awkward, sensitive and delicate period. Your letters of support have been flooding into our office and your emails have blocked our server. In other news Bitter & Twisted are extremely proud to reveal a new pen pot partner, having lost a handle in the dishwasher a Keep Calm Now F**k Off mug has agreed a one year deal. TSLR

Bitter N Twisted An Official Statement The club werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the only ones perfecting their public relation skills over the summer. @Bitter_nTwisted

ROY CHUTER An obituary

ike many people, I couldn’t at first believe it when I read of Roy Chuter’s death. I’m not sure I can believe it now. Roy was of course most-feted and best-known for his writing and campaigning, especially during the early War Years period of trying to oust Archer & Bellotti from the club. He was an intelligent, witty and erudite person, his writing during the campaign was clear, succinct, informative, humorous, and with a sense of crystal clarity that never condescended nor patronised (except Archer and Bellotti, but they deserved it) its audience. Having – and this is no mark of disrespect - an arrogant, belligerent, stubborn sense of confrontation at a time when we as Brighton fans needed arrogance, belligerence and stubbornness

to help run our campaign, Roy was the perfect person to inform, educate and rally the troops. Never was this wit and intelligence more at the forefront than with his literal destruction of the poorlywritten letter, supposedly from Evershed’s – then the club’s solicitors - threatening legal action against Roy. When asked what he was going to do about it – apologise? Consider the implications? Meet with the club? ‘Nope, I’m going to rip the piss out of it…’ So he did. It’s a masterpiece in savage satire, obstinacy in the face of cowardly pressure; a piece of high art deserving of permanent exhibition. Many also don’t realise he was instrumental in getting David Bellotti thrown off a train in South Wales. It’s a story which has been told many times – space denies the full telling of it here – but

it thankfully it has now been passed into folklore; a parable for a generation. Roy’s other outward love was ale. Lots of ale. He loved drinking ale. I mean, many of us love drinking ale, but Roy’s was a love affair – bordering on stalking. I’m not sure whether it was unrequited, but it was a long-term affair. For those who didn’t really know him, I’m reminded of something said to me from just one of those people. “I didn’t know him to talk to, but when you saw him across the room, or at the ground or on the train, you knew who he was, and thought ‘… for what he did, I really have to respect that bloke…” That was the thing about Roy, you didn’t have to know him to understand and appreciate what he did. Brighton & Hove Albion FC has lost a true hero, a campaigner and a gentleman. I’ve often stated that there are

many people and groups (many of whom remain unsung) who deserve high praise for their work in making sure the club has survived and thrived, and had a future promising much prosperity. Roy was comfortably one of those. He didn’t really seek the limelight, and it never really sought him. We just know what he did. And he knew what he did. And thousands of people should offer thanks for that. There’ll be another empty seat today. RIP Roy.

Thanks to Alan Wares

A CHAT WITH: NSK In the first of a series of chats that will appear in TSLR, we start with a group of fans who do things a little different from the rest. They are, of course, the North Stand Kollektiv.

he North Stand Kollektiv have been reasonably quiet of late, keeping themselves to themselves whilst continuously bringing new flags to their corner of The Amex’s not-so-boisterous Kop. After an initial launch that had tongues wagging at Withdean, the move to Falmer brought opportunity for the ‘ultras’ group that modelled themselves on Spanish blue and white striped clubs, Deportivo de La Coruna and Xerez CD. Vitriolic critiques on Albion forums sent NSK a little more underground however, with the group sticking their head above the parapet with the universally lauded Stand or Fall banner last season. Now, with another giant banner up for vote on North Stand Chat, one member of the troupe spoke to TSLR about flags, familiarity and the future.

to Withdean and go for it’, then realising that its actually more complex. I guess that’s a roundabout way of saying, taking elements and inprinting our own style.

TSLR: What started it all of for you? Was it at Withdean or what?

Moving to Falmer has been great but from an atmosphere perspective the club have inadvertently created a situation where it can be hard to spread the atmosphere around the stadium. The back 4 rows thing has spread the groups of singers thinly and that can make it hard. In terms of the group it’s grown steadily without much real promotion. It’s been word of mouth really. There was a strange situation where someone on NSC claimed we were part of the EDL and various other smears were made but apart from that things have been good.

NSK :I guess it was Withdean combined with the trips some of us were making around that time. Some of us had fond memories of Italia 90 and during the Withdean years starting going out to Italy to watch league games. Then Spain and Germany and so on. Those trips and those experiences shape you and you see how much fun people are having on the terraces and in the stands over there. Yeah, it’s much more fun in Europe. Did you always think ‘we can recreate this’ or ‘we can take elements of this’? A bit of both I guess. Recreating by taking elements and adding to it. Some people say ‘it’s not part of our culture’ but in fact when you look back to games in the 70s and early 80s you see the really creative home made banners and flags and actually start to realise that lots of what some of the European groups were and are doing was copied from us. Maybe naively we got thinking ‘lets take this back

Did you start stuff at Withdean then? I think I remember one big flag, a blue one. Towards the last season at Withdean we had flags at most games. Obviously it was a bit confusing having a north stand flag in the south stand! We were just trying to make the place a bit more colourful. I guess that’s the heart of it really - Colour in the form of flags, banners, whatever. How has the whole thing evolved since then?

I don’t sit in the North, are there fans in there who don’t want to sing, Because they’re not there for the view are they? There are lots of fans who don’t want to sing in there. I say this generally but as the cheapest part of the ground it obviously has an appeal in its own right. We have to work with what we’ve got and maybe that’s a challenge for us. I honestly find that baffling. It’s a real shame, I don’t know, people were so ex-

cited about a North stand after Withdean. I sat there once and found it quite divided, there was no ‘spirit’ that you’d expect from a kop, but maybe it’s early days. I think it comes back to the back 4 rows thing. Ideally we’d all be in the central block and maybe that would bring a greater sense of unity. I don’t care who knows; the Palace fans at our place have been impressive. sad to say. Have we got something to learn from that? Why are we different? A number of clubs have impressed me over the last two seasons and I think our away following, on our day, is a match for any of them. At home we’ve gone from gates of 6-8k at Withdean to gates of 16-30k at Falmer. I dont buy the plastic thing as I think we all know people who went to maybe 6 or 7 games at Withdean who are now season ticket holders. It’s more about the

mixture and make up of each stand and each section within each stand. Because almost every game has been a sell out or a near sell there hasn’t been the chance for people to gravitate naturally to the area that best suits them and their supporting style. People have almost picked and then been stuck with their choice. How do you mean have we got something to learn? Are you making reference to the HF influencing their support? Generally, as a group of fans. They had their group of fans down the front and they made a big effort and it was either sing with them and let them grow, or moan about them and ignore them. Palace weren’t renowned as having a good atmosphere 3-4 years ago, now everyone loves Selhurst, and they had that unity at The Amex, it was

“All atmospheres are organised to a point where you have people who start songs and others join in, I don’t see huge difference in encouraging those who want to sing and support more constantly”

just one unit. Saying that I wasn’t at the game we beat them 3-0. I bet they were all kicking off with each other then.

doesn’t happen over night or even over a couple of seasons. It’s about building contacts, relationships, trust with people around you.

I don’t know about that to be honest, I follow the Albion and don’t spend my spare time looking at their group or their atmosphere.

Every big banner/display etc takes an element of organisation, even something quite simple like Dick Knight’s banner requires planning and thought, primarily to avoid taking someone’s eye out! But we’re not against the less organised atmosphere, we always join in with other parts of the stadium and support them so that atmosphere comes from everywhere and isn’t some exclusive club. I guess we just prefer it to be a bit more relentless and try to keep it ticking over when it goes a bit flat elsewhere. We enjoy ourselves, that for us is the most important thing.

Oh come on … I think some of this comes down to the organic v so called organised atmosphere? Which is NSK? Well I would say that all atmospheres are organised to a point where you have people who start songs and others join in, I don’t see huge difference in encouraging those who want to sing and support more constantly to stand together and unite that passion. And I guess that’s what we have tried to do. It takes time, it

Have you seen changes in the north stand? It must take time, of course. You mentioned that there’s no chance for natural migration around the ground.

Not a lot of changes to be honest, most people came in and have stayed. We have the corners now which has injected some new blood but as with the rest of the ground people are enjoying the football they’re watching meaning why would they leave? I think the lack of natural migration is key and makes what we’ve tried to do and create a bit harder, equally for those who want to move away from us I guess! We have some big mouths up there with us, I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t really want to be there.

think the floors may have been painted blue recently. That’s a good touch. I guess in the north the leaking piss and spilt pints were causing a health and safety issue

The Stand or Fall banner was very successful, massively successful. How did that come about?

The club should OK it, it would be good PR for them. I wonder though that if naming rights are on the horizon, that sort of stuff could put off potential sponsors.

We all love Falmer but when it first opened we knew it wasn’t really finished, upper tier, corners etc. Part of that led to us thinking how grey some parts of the actual stand were and that space was just crying out for a big banner and it had to be either Stand or Fall or We Wunt Be Druv; A statement of intent and a nod to our recent history. I think the club should reproduce the banner just inside the tunnel so that visiting players see that as they’re waiting to come out. Not while there’s an official tunnel partner, they won’t! People were really generous and it was quiet quick once the final design had been chosen. There is some money left over which will go towards the new giant flag. We’ve recently asked if we could do another big banner like stand or fall. Discussions are ongoing although we suspect the club might not be quite as warm to the idea this time. I guess it feels that there is still lots of grey space that should be personalised. Why not paint murals throughout the concourses, celebrating our history? We have oil paintings in the West Upper! I think the concourse decorations are superb and really add to the identity of the ground, but there’s more that can be done. Where there is concrete we could add something extra. I

With the Stand or Fall banner, it was all chosen on NSC wasn’t it? Yes it was, the new giant flag designs will be posted on our blog shortly and links will go out on Twitter, Facebook, and all the major Albion forums and blogs ASAP.

Potentially, although Id like to think there is space between the two worlds that could allow further art work or paintings etc So, the big banner was really successful in a democratic sense on NSC, but some of the stuff about you on NSC is grim, we know what it’s like to have fans have a pop, it’s pretty shit, makes you wonder why we bother. What did you think of it? I guess that whenever you do something or approach something in a way that people perceive to be different you expect an element of intrigue and comment. People have that right to express their opinion, it makes you stronger, more focused and more determined. I guess you become very aware of the different aspects of the Albions support. We said from fairly early on that we wouldn’t get into those discussions online, we’re not going to criticise others for the way they want to support the club and we hope for the same level of respect in return. I guess that standpoint can be frustrating when people don’t want to sing. It’s really tough juggling those feelings, for us it’s all about the atmosphere and trying to keep that going no matter how tough that can sometimes be. It’s true, and in the end, by not getting into that you’ve earned more of that trust and respect that you spoke about earlier. Do

you think you guys have made any mistakes over the last, what, 3 years? Too many to mention.... Seriously? The one mistake we didn’t make was not hanging the Glad Ulloa Argentina flag up at the play off semi final, imaging taking that down whilst being photoed by Nigels with zoom lenses. I just remembered the Groupon banner. Fucking hell. Shame about the result. Probably the only good part of that day. One of our lads went into the Railway Bell and just started handing out the stickers, guys were coming over looking quite pissed off and when they realised what they were they were walking off laughing with a few stickers. Will they fill it? Probably not, maybe the odd plastic or Fulham fan might turn up? Who knows. But mistakes? Maybe not working closely enough with the club to persuade them to change the design of the stadium to allow a small upper tier to the north stand. Just a few rows, allowing really big banners to be draped over etc. Not using the internet to our advantage and subsequently facing accusations of being unapproachable and aloof. Putting Dick Knight and Edgar Street stickers on the external green north stand signage only to be quickly approached by security guards and given a stern warning. Do you think the club are into what you’re trying to do? Do you think they understand it? It’s really difficult to tell. The club is still really accessible at all levels which is really important having been through what we have. It’s a double edged sword, they want people turning up and want the atmosphere but could probably do without the questioning about safe standing, ticket prices, being reminded about our history, told that we’re fans not customers and all that. Having said that they do work with us. We’ve been given the go ahead for the this new flag, but that’s what they should be doing

really, I don’t think its a privilege is it? Stewards telling us the FA have been talking to the club about the amount of Palace related songs and that they need to stop (that actually happened)! Did this come from the club or just a steward having his 5 minutes of fame, who knows, all very odd. The one thing we can say is that the club have been accommodating and responsive, it still feels like they’re willing to listen and engage. It’s funny because they love showing you guys on the highlights. If they’d done the banner themselves they’d be selling tshirts and mugs with it on. Ahem, Stand or Fall t-shirts are available... That’s football these days isn’t it? When a flare goes off Sky cant get enough for the TV shots but you know the police CCTV is searching for the individual responsible. What’s next for NSK? short-term and long term? Long term, safe standing, a supporter representative on the board - not one of us but a fans voice. And maybe more achievable, some murals or paintings on the Falmer train bridge and within the concourses. Short-term, a fans vote to decide this new big flag (which we have a secure store room for), some new banners - some specifically for away games, some Stand or Fall scarves, painting the back of George Best’s shirt blue and white and adding a red number 8 at The Albert on Trafalgar Street. Plus maybe some more Albion/ NSK graffiti/street art in the city centre and some tifos for this coming season. What’s a tifo? Like a little display, flags etc and specific banners for certain games. That’s maybe a bit more DIY, I guess that’s part of the appeal of the culture. TSLR

Find out more at www.nskbha.blogspot.co.uk or via Twitter @nskbhaa

Review Albion’s home friendly with Villareal neither had the feeling of a showpiece, nor a meaningless run around. Parker reports.

illarreal. This curio fixture brought to life a chilling alternative reality, a naysayer’s vision of matchdays post-Withers: 12,000 lethargic souls spaced across three stands with the hulking vertiginous upper tiers left abandoned and lonely. A tiny rump of H Blockers struggling to make themselves heard above the general conversational hum. 23 away fans. Buckets of rain. If the Withdean era Albion ground-shared with The Amex era Albion, all home games would be like this. On the pitch Gus’ old team tried to play their familiar tune, albeit without the usual conductor in place. Villarreal demonstrated, not that a demonstration is needed, that Spain boasts a wonderfully deep well of technically accomplished football teams. They spent most of last season just above mid-table in the Spanish second division clinching promotion with a late run of key victories over their rivals. So they’re good, but they shouldn’t be 3.1 better, surely? Oscar may become an Albion great but perhaps we will need to be patient. It took Gus three years to build his team – in his first season Oscar is expected to extract more points and victories from the same group, minus Bridge, Hammond, Vicente and Lopez. So either he’s allowed to significantly strengthen his squad (hopefully by the time you read this), or perhaps we’ll need to lower our collective expectations. TSLR

â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Albion, perhaps, had created a monster every bit as dangerous as the apathy he destroyed. He wanted more. We wanted more. But he had a choice of where to get it. We, the common fan did not. It was always going to end thuslyâ&#x20AC;? Page 10

egos and the albion One leaves, one arrives. Our talismanic leader departs unceremoniously and an unceremonious leader arrives hoping to become a talisman. Marco Van Bastard talks Gus and Nathan.

nother summer of crushing loneliness down, and the football is back at last. What with the spectacular anonymity of our pre-season – a drawn-out “meh”, as the kids might say – it’s hard to surmise how the next nine months might go. Oscar, a Grecianed cat with a Catalan pedigree, might be the nigh-on silent assassin those with sensitive dispositions crave after the second half of last season, when the air stank of a disputatiousness which poisoned every postmatch broadcast. Poos, blues and libellous views aside, what happened against Palace is the risk you take for falling in love with a game the beautiful chance of which occasionally befalls us with gruesome ill fortune. They turned up, we didn’t, and several hours and pints later I was ready to sleep satisfied with a relatively magnificent season, only to hear Gus honking gracelessly on yet again. Ulloa’s sign-

ing, to name the best, was a hefty sum spent judiciously, but our narrow failure to marry excellence with a glory rarely countenanced by any club had nothing to do with money. I wish our now-fallen idol had kept his nerve, held his tongue and counted his blessings as often as many of us in the stands do, because the incremental progress we were making would likely have resulted in promotion this season. I will miss Gus but I won’t miss any of the dark drama he enlisted to silhouette an agenda in the shape of his ego, nor the unnecessary sense of entitlement-turned-negativity which subsequently engulfed the club and his time here. The twist, still, is that we all love him despite knowing why he had to go – perhaps some of the class the past six months were bereft of what can be partially restored by lionising the man forever, because his was a revolution unworthy of anything less than great memories and endless gratitude and platitudes. Interesting to see Nathan Jones return. Approached to find a link between Albion past and present, Spanish and British, some random generator has malfunctioned in bonkers style, firing the man who once stepoverred a squirrel out of it’s cannon and into the dugout, steam still huffing from its pistons as engineers rush to the scene. Few supporters will have been dorkish enough to stand on the away terrace at Yeovil a few years ago, but Jones’s antics reviled everyone behind the goal at full-time. He speared the net, screamed and hurled swearwords at us. His motives remain mystifying, but he was certainly an angry young man, the vitriol of the incident entirely disproportionate to an essentially meaningless victory in a mid-table Division Two game. An unprompted apology would please the baffled minority, and begin his path to soliciting the left-footed love we shared with his Argentinean predecessor. TSLR

DIGITAL SUBSCRIPTIONS

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I’

m one of a strange breed of Brighton fans, in that I mostly attend away games. In fact, over the last 3 years, 90% of all the Brighton games I have attended were away from home. It wasn’t always like this – I was an ever-present for years at the Goldstone, and a frequent visitor to both Priestfield and Withdean. However, thanks to me marrying a northerner, I have found myself exiled up to Yorkshire. Living in Leeds, I just can’t justify the cost to attend every home game (upwards of £100 per game). Over the last few years, I’ve been lucky that the divisions that Brighton have been in have had a larger-thanusual northern-based weighting, meaning that I can still make 15+ games per season.. It also means I can get to some of the more obscure ones – last season’s Hull away on a Tuesday night was a prime example. I always look at the southern-based Brighton fans with envy – I imagine their trips to away games being full of camaraderie and banter, with shared drinks and analysis of the day’s events being commonplace – much like the days of the old Football Spe-

cials. I might be idealizing it somewhat, but I’m certain that their train journeys are filled with songs and laughter, with the addition of some friendly chants whenever a rival group of fans is spotted. Not for me however – my journey often consists of being sat on my own on the train, with just a substandard film on my iPod to keep me company (for the Blackburn game, it was ‘Cockneys vs Zombies’). In a worst-case scenario, I end up getting stuck with a load of Leeds supporters on their way to another ‘clash’ with rival fans. Thoughts of linking up with other northernbased seagulls has crossed my mind, but it sounds too much like a lonely hearts column to go out looking for anyone (“Lonely obsessive seeks similar for long days out to generic northern towns, with the promise of real ale and a chip butty”). So, if you see a rather dejected person sat on a train back to Yorkshire after an away game, watching a badly-made horror film on a low-quality screen, then come and say hello. It might just make the journey more bearable… TSLR

Lonely, from Leeds If you’re an exile this will make you cry

ADVENTURES IN SEGOVIA

The preseason trip to Segovia offered climate, culture, food and wine. We sent Meadeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ball to stare at paddling Pools instead.

“A

sk Inigo for a gentle rub of his handsome beard.” There’s the text I received from my amigo, Sir Charles, after I asked him what question or comment I should pose to the squad when getting to run into them at a training session in Segovia – a mountainous state run by Doctor Doom full of servile breasty goatobots and other experiments gone wrong, I mentally pictured when it was announced we’d be in its whereabouts. Myself, my girlfriend all naturally brown thanks to her Spanishness, and a mere five or so other Albioners, our skin beginning to glaze in the unforgiveable heat like soon to be sizzling pigletskin, espied, upon invitation, our hallowed athletes, most wrapped in ice and hobbling from spells of blistering pre-seasoning. Those that had sought to entertain victoriously versus Getafe now ambled and idled around the Segovian running track to warm down from an energetic night just gone. As fresher legs danced and zigzagged and tika-takaed on the stiff turf, the strollers in the background began to strip. *gulp* Orlandi, Barnes, Ulloa and their type stood proudly and pertly in their jetblack briefs before treading ungingerly into an icy paddling pool to chill. I suppose I should ask questions of myself as to why I seemed to take such great pleasure from this unfurling of flesh and clothesless manliness, whilst my girlfriend was only very slightly tickled. My camera was zooming in as close as it would allow my eyes to cleanly glare, attempting to read the subject matter of the tattoos that laden some bodies, the strangely phwoarish voyeur of me snapping madly with eyelids frozen open. I was aghast and bathed in guilty smirks, wondering whether deletion of the pics of our bare heroes was for the best. Then no, I thought, and didn’t. Upon emerging from the manymanned tub thawed with masculinity, the Spanish-speakers, now all redressed, strolled off back, in the distance, to Hotel Candido, in the hills. I felt a little sour that Inigo was one of them. With his untouchable beard. Moments later, over came Barnes, Buckley and JFC to stand within our grasp, perhaps a metre or two away. I was aquiver and the silent partdiscomfort was shared as not a word was aired in seconds. It felt what I imagine the introduction at a swingers party of strangers would feel like with nods and subtle inspections and

a partial disappointment from one side at the sorts of saggy middle-aged flesh that wasn’t advertised in the brochure. I finally broke the ice with mention of the beard and my intention to feel it. Gladly, Barnes responded with a mild chuckle, and I continued, in spite of the anxious choking that built in my innards. I’d spoken, and spoke a tiny bit more, to these youngsters of awe, oddly, and nervously, and silently patted myself on the back for doing so. We shook hands and had our photos taken, and those ones were off, to me rementioning of Inigo’s face-carpet and the necessity to grope it on my behalf. Barnes seemed to swear he would, and I trust him he did. I hope he warmed his hands and didn’t aggressively leave the scene with a coarse clump of Spanish bristles in his comical paws. I’m not sure I’ll have the chance to travel again in the wake of my much-loved, but I’ll remember this time for the quality of play from our Spanish hosts, the sun evershining, the view of the Castillian mountains in thunderstorm, and the opportunity from 100 filthy yards to gawp at part-time deities as they disrobe. Perhaps as I watch this season and a last minute-winner close to breaks the net, a champion will deshirt himself in celebration, and in amongst the euphoria I’ll be thinking “oooh Ulloa’s illuminous Rufous Hornero shoulder tat is beginning to fade”. TSLR

Carter on ... Being Powered By Fairy Dust One doesn’t simply write for the fanzine, one is expected to drive the things around the country at any cost. @CarterBrighton

‘T

oday we found the roof and we hit the roof’. That’s right Gus; if you say ‘roof’ enough, no one will look at the mess all over the floor... With my own car knackered like a Jimmy McNulty kidney, I had to borrow the wife’s Nissan Micra to fulfil my offer of taking some newly printed fanzines and a Co-Editor from Birmingham to the Palace second leg. I needed to get the MOT done and organise insurance before I even attempted to point it in the direction of the Sussex coast. There was also the mission of attempting to scratch her rear bumper sticker off with a kitchen knife. The letters of ‘powered by fairy dust’ didn’t relinquish their pink sticky grip easily (who would). I was left with just the word ‘powered’ in vibrant letters and the dirty outline of the rest. Helping to get the mags to the Falmer in enough time before kick-off was stressful enough and I didn’t then have to flog them to people who tend to look at you in the same way the Palace fans travelling down the A23 regarded my gaily decorated Micra. Seeing TSLR reach 50 issues and get to a third season at the Amex is just astounding, especially as that selfdepreciating Withdean era fanzine gold is now far harder to extract. I’ll applaud the fanzine for still going strong, mainly because if there is ever a final issue and I’m always hidden at the back, my words could be the last. They’re not likely to be much more profound than ‘Scott McGleish is a wanker’. I can’t do the serious side; I’m not going to write an article about FFP, Employment law or the merits of digital perimeter advertis-

ing. Not because I don’t care or I’m not interested in every aspect of the Club, it’s because I’m not brave enough. As the Albion has inevitably grown, it’s become harder to get a sense of collective opinion. In fact, shortly after “Chappers” ‘sacked’ Gus live on BBC3, the difference in Albion fans’ comments I was seeing was amazing. I thought it was all just split 50:50 those supporting Gus vs those supporting the Board. I even said so on Twitter, neglecting to consider that there was a third camp, the ambivalent, who I managed to upset. The easy recourse for the past couple of months, pre-Oscar anyway, should be Poogate. Am I even allowed to find that funny? For me, the worst thing was trying to avoid imagining various Albion players or staff crimping one out all over the floor. I still haven’t really processed those thoughts correctly. In fact; I didn’t really feel strongly about anything compared to the horrible sunken feeling caused by Zaha whacking in his second on May 13th. Of course, Albion have won the day on far more important occasions and far more embarrassing things have happened on the pitch - the debut of Gully’s Group for example. Let’s all just raise the roof and avoiding hitting it again. What ever that means. TSLR

“Oscar may become an Albion great but perhaps we will need to be patient. It took Gus three years to build his team – in his first season Oscar is expected to extract more points and victories from the same group” Page 22

WE REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THAT DURING TODAY’S MATCH, TWO MEN WILL DIE OF PROSTATE CANCER. We’re sorry to cast a shadow over today’s proceedings, but prostate cancer kills one man every hour in the UK. That’s a strike rate of 10,000 men a year. And survival isn’t always good news. How would you cope with infertility, erectile problems or incontinence? We urgently need funds to improve diagnosis and help us find better treatment. Make a £3 donation on your mobile right now, it’s as easy as sending the text you see below. With your help, we hope one day to make a more welcome announcement. The death of prostate cancer itself.

MEN DESERVE BETTER. TEXT PROSTATE9 TO 70004 TO MAKE A £3 DONATION or visit prostatecanceruk.org/football Text costs £3 plus network charge. Prostate Cancer UK receives 100% of your donation. Obtain bill payer’s permission. Customer care 0844 847 9800. Prostate Cancer UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1005541) and in Scotland (SC039332). Registered company 2653887.