TSLR “HE’S GOT STUBBLE”
IT’S A NO FROM ME
£1
The Albion Fanzine TSLR052 October 2013
“LIKE BARNEY RUBBLE”
I’M SORRY BUT NO
“PLEASE DON’T TAKE MY OSCAR AWAY”
IT’S A NO FROM ME
ABSOLUTELY AWFUL
Inside: Explaining FFP Learning To Love Mr. Barber Why Weren’t Albion Championing Rainbow Laces An Apology From Sky TV
the TSLR SHOP
Albion tat boutique www.tslr.bigcartel.com
Inside TSLR052 5. What’s Hot, What’s Not
TSLR052 The Seagull Love Review is an independent Brighton and Hove Albion magazine. Issue 53 / Oct 2013 The views expressed in the publication do not necessarily reflect the views of the Editors, or The Seagull Love Review. Thanks this issue to BM, JT, KM, RM, BM, NB, JS, SW Edited by SS and SS Artwork by SS Digital Publishing by BP
tslr@hotmail.co.uk @tslr
6. TSLR Calendar 8. How Spanish Day Evolved 10. Explaining FFP 14. The Minor 17. Marco Van Bastard 18. An Apology From Sky 20. Barber: Tough Love 24. Reviews 26. Rainbow Laces 30. Haywards Heath Ledger
A s we go to press Albion have just blagged a last minute equaliser against the forever rubbish Sheffield Wednesday. On the radio, co-commentator and commentator both question the team selection. We’re not used to football criticism at Albion, not sustained anyway. 10 games in and we’re not sure what to do with ourselves; when was the last time we looked midtable? Pushing for the Play-offs, fighting relegation, yes, but bobbling around in the middle picking off the scraps of the odd decent away win and seeing off the poorer teams with ease at home. Yes, we have bad injuries, and it’s still early in the season, but are the pressures of FFP hitting the playing budget in a way Poyet knew it would? Financial security in the face of nasty agents is applaudable, and we hope you enjoy our guide to Financial Fair Play in this issue.. Up the Albion. S + S (Co-editors)
What’s Hot!
What’s Not!
We won a game after going behind. I repeat, we won a game after going behind. TWO years we waited. The greatest miracle since Katie Price learned the alphabet. Comeback.
Who’s silly idea was it to move a beer fuelled Amex Arms Friday night to a Monday. The customers , I mean fans, seemed livid. Worst of all about this MNF, is that we don’t even get Gary Neville ripping apart our weaknesses for the TV watching world to enjoy. At least the club get a little bit of extra money. FFP
It was looking like another frustrating game against Bolton, then BOOM, three quick goals. It was the best 5 minutes I’ve paid 25 quid for since Crystal lap danced me in Platinum Lace. Entertainment. Everyone loves the sign “Inbox (1)” on their emails. It is even more exciting when you get one from Brighton & Hove Albion! What was the brilliant news we were greeted with?, that’s right, a new Suzuki garage opening in Tunbridge Wells. Informative. Bromance is acceptable in this modern day and age, and I think we are all beginning to accept that Inigo Calderon is probably the most lovable man on the planet. Great footballer, kind, visiting a players leg he broke, award winning and loads of great things to say about the club, fans and squad. My love for him is like diarrhoea. I just can’t hold it in. Amor. There were many sceptics and cynics about Spanish Day, but we got free potatas bravas, FREE. That from a club that charges you £1 to print your own match ticket off at home! Gratis.
@BrettMendoza
Brighton and Palace fans need to learn more about this rivalry nonsense. They joined forces to raise over £4000 for charity by riding from Selhurst to The Amex. We are supposed to hate each. Learn people, learn. Hate not like. REMF. The club has got a bit boring in the Post Poyet Era. Boring transfer window, not many wins, fewer fans, less atmosphere and no court cases. Normality. A new catering company, an improved service? Of course not!! Closing the half the tills to “cash up” at 5pm for a game that finished at 4.55pm was just more rubbish than some of the merchandise available in the club shop. Planning. It is horrible to have key players out for a while, so having the handsome Andrea Orlandi out for 8 weeks is just gut wrenching. He is the best looking thing on the Amex pitch since Gullys Girls left. Fit.
September 2013
tslr calendar
3 September Just when we all started relaxing about our current manager possibly staying at Falmer for his contract, news filtered through that we’ve already turned down an approach from Osasuna for Oscar Garcia. It turned out that ‘Los Rojillos’ were so excited by Spanish Day and so keen on the best dresser in the Football League™ that they wanted Oscar to fill their managerial vacancy to replace the wonderfully named Jose Luis Mendilibar. 7 September Media reports state that ‘Brighton are in the hunt for a new striker’. Having failed to bring in a permanent attacker, the club is planning to exploit the loan market. Michael Owen is reportedly still available and was spotted on Brighton beach. 13 September Following a chance encounter with a still rather tight-lipped Charlie Oatway in Preston Park, TSLR learned of an intriguing upcoming book. The excessively long-titled ‘Mad Man, From the Goldstone to the Amex: The Ad Man Who Saved Brighton’ by Dick Knight is due to be published in November by Vision Sports Publishing. And why is it intriguing? Well, the final two chapters will be similar in tone to the outburst Knight came out with in the summer just gone. If you missed them, let’s just say he was less than complimentary about how the club is being run and losing its community focus. So much explosiveness, we hear, that VSP plan to bring out the hardback version the day before Bonfire night.
14 September Media reports state that ‘Brighton are in the hunt for a new striker’. Albion bring in Cardiff City midfielder, Craig Conway. 16 September There was so much excitement ahead of Span-ish Day at the Amex that the marketing department insisted that Bruno and Spanish Dave (well, he has been back to Dagenham Dave for most of the season so far) work in the ticket office. An official club spokesperson denied that this is a policy to ensure the ticket office is staffed after they sacked most of them in cost-cutting moves ahead of FFP last summer. This marketing plan to sell tickets for the (as yet unused) corner sections at Falmer backfired immensely when it rained and nobody ventured to the edge of the South Downs. That is except TSLR who sneakily managed to get Dave and Bruno to pose with our newly printed t-shirts. 18 September Did anybody go to the toilet at half time at QPR? Well, we did, but it wasn’t anywhere near the toilet. As we fast become a bunch of football ground snobs, TSLR waded through the gantry at the back of the away stand as quickly as Marcos Painter chasing Kazenga LuaLua in training. You think of all the money Rangers have spent on players, and they can’t even get a concourse to be wider than a household corridor. 20 September Tucked in amongst the latest 1,500 word email essay from chief executive, Paul Barber, was more disappointing news. No, the
club haven’t increased ticket prices again, although a couple of wins could see that decision reconsidered. No, we learnt of plans to shut the Albion’s town centre club shop, confirmed by the ‘shop for let’ sign that appeared ominously the following week. Now Albionites of a certain age (ie, above 14 years old) will remember the bad old days where the club ‘superstore’ was either an old ice cream van parked outside Withers or an old portakabin parked outside the Goldstone. S i n ce the club shop has existed in the t o w n centre, the kids of Brighton and H o v e abandoned their top flight shirts a n d dabbled with our stripey one. Let’s hope the new ice cream van to travel the county doesn’t have the reverse effect. 21 September Is there anything better than taunting Dougie Freedman at Falmer? A man who may well have been sacked by Bolton by the time you read this could quite easily have been in the top flight with his red and blue striped mates from up the A23 by now. But instead,
this month, he was forced to watch the Lancastrians blow apart a goal lead with some impressively inept defending at the AmEx. Any regrets, Dougie? 22 September Honourable to the last - smoking goalkeeping genius and bench warming extraordinaire, Casper Ankergren, may not be able to eek himself out a starting position in the team but he was one of the only Albion players to Tweet a photo promoting
Stonewall’s Rainbow Laces campaign against homophobia in football. Meanwhile, in the starting line-up is Tomasz Kuszackazckzak – a man who has clearly been taking goalkicking lessons over the summer from Michel Kuipers. And he doesn’t even smoke. 25 September Media reports state that ‘Brighton are in the hunt for a new striker’. Having failed to bring in a permanent attacker, the club is planning
to exploit the loan market. Michael Owen is supposedly still available and was spotted in the casino at Brighton marina. 28 September So what groundbreaking information did Mauricio Taricco tell BBC Radio Suffolk during the Ipswich game? Coaching at Albion was a ‘learning experience, which I will take forward.’ Stop the presses. 28 September Brian Stone of the Brighton and Hove Liberal Democrats told the Argus how David Bellotti was deselected by the local Eastbourne party for helping Bill Archer asset strip the club. Funny how Stone failed to mention that the little fuckface is still a serving Liberal Democrat councillor. In Bath, Somerset. 30 September Gus for Sunderland? If Poyet replaces di Canio, it’s time to bribe the ‘fixture computer’ for the FA Cup. Please. TSLR
HOW SPANISH DAY EVOLVED
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fter the resounding success of the last Albion fly on the wall documentary a whole series was commissioned. Miraculously I obtained a transcript of episode one entitled “Spanish Day” and passed it on to TSLR towers. Scene - Marketing Assistant is talking to Paul Barber by the water cooler. MA: Hello Mr Barber! Er, I mean sir. PB: Greetings minion. MA: Er sir? I had an idea last night in the pub. Could I tell you? PB: (Sighs deeply) So long as you put your pound in the ‘I told sir my silly idea’ box... MA: Well. Er. (coughs nervously). The thing is that Everton are going to have a Spanish Day next week. And we were just talking last night and saying we have a Spanish manager and lots of Spanish players and we should really do something similar. After all the clackers we gave out before Palace were brilliant! PB: YOU IDIOT! We have a Catalan manager. And Catalan, Basque, Italian and Argentine players. And Spanish Dave who comes from (consults iPhone for a very long time) the autonomous region of La Rioja. MA: But sir! SIR! You could sell special red and yellow t-shirts. PB: If you want me I’ll be on the phone to Fruit of the Loom screwing them down to 20p a t-shirt wholesale. Scene - Paul Barber’s office
PB: I thought you’d say that. (Produces a small brown envelope). We still have the photos of “Goatie” we showed you in Israel during contract negotiations you know. OG: When do you want me..... Scene – pre match team talk. OG: As you know Spanish Day is a huge insult. We simply can’t win. So here’s the plan. Lopez – since you are from the autonomous region of La Rioja you will score a comedy own goal. SD: Si boss. (The teams run out. The camera cuts to Oscar looking horrified. The own goal is shown.) Scene – half time team talk. OG: Listen carefully! There is a change of plan. Many years ago my Grandfather’s village was attacked by men dressed all in bright orange. They tried to take the women and, worse, the stockpiles of sausages and sherry. Ever since, this colour has offended my family. This kit Bolton wear is offending me. Matt Upson: To be fair, boss, it’s offending everyone in the ground. OG: It is more insulting to me than Spanish Day! You will destroy them! DESTROY! Do not let me down. The goals are shown. Then the closing titles roll over a slow motion montage of people dressed as Mexicans and Gully chasing a General Franco round Falmer to some Coldplay music. TSLR
PB: Oscar! Come in! Unfortunately “Clacker Man” has done it again and decided we should have a Spanish Day. Dumb I know but we can make a pile of cash from it so I said yes. And, er, we’d like you to help in the ticket office. OG: As a proud Catalan I refuse.
@slightlysubdad / brightononlyathome.wordpress.com
EXPLAINING FFP OK, so you know what it stands for, and you’ve read it a thousand times in the incessent emails from our CEO, but now it’s time to learn something. This is the only guide you need to FFP.
Stop me if you have heard this one before, but our chief executive has been talking about Financial Fair Play (FFP). Type in ‘Paul Barber FFP’, into Google (I would not recommend it, it may send you asleep) reveals over 3,600 links. It seems as every day the Albion’s Grande Fromage is talking about the subject (when not stroking a white cat in his bunker, and planning world domination via extracting even more cash from fans/customers). Anecdotal tales indicate that Tony Bloom was shocked at the profligacy at the Albion in our first season at The Amex, and part of Barber’s brief is to reduce the amount of the overspend. In theory if this charming man is successful then there should be more money available for the player budget. Is it good or bad news for the Albion, I hear you ask. Should we panic?
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n the last season for which we have full accounts (2011/12), clubs in the Championship lost £197.7million BEFORE paying interest to their banks (the Albion’s share of this was £9 million). Those figures don’t include Pompey or Coventry, both of whom did not produce any accounts because they were in administration, it is fair to suggest though that they both made eye watering losses too. So the golden lights on the loss-o-meter were probably clocking up a quarter of a billion pounds deficit. To keep clubs afloat they need more than a rubber ring, so Chairmen decided that these losses could not go on forever, were fed up of the clubs going hand in glove asking for more money, and so introduced some rules to reduce the eye watering numbers, and in theory, the risks of administration. So whilst the rules will take some acclimatisation, is it really so strange for owners to want to reduce their financial commitments?
The new rules For last season (2012/13) clubs were restricted from losing a maximum of £10 million, but there were no significant penalties for noncompliance, so that is why some clubs (Cardiff and Leicester come to mind) went for broke, made significant signings, and gambled on promotion to the golden lights of the Premier League. For the current season (2013-14) the rules are a little messy. In theory the maximum loss a club can make is £3 million, BUT that can be increased to £8 million if the owner decides to buy some shares, so this Christmas we should be asking Uncle Tony please please please let us get what we want in the shape of a £5 million equity injection. These maximum losses continue to reduce in subsequent seasons. However, if the Football League was serious about reducing losses, then surely they should say to clubs that they are still giving
them too much time, as how soon is now for clubs to be making a profit? Clubs will claim that they have ongoing commitments in the terms of existing employment contracts, and will be still ill financially until those contracts expire. Clubs will have to submit their accounts to the Football League by 1 December 2014, and if they have exceeded the maximum loss allowed will be subject to a transfer embargo in January 2015. If the club has managed promotion to the Premier League in 2013/14, then they will be fined by the Football League, the amount of the fine increases depend on the losses, but could be 100% of the losses made. These fines will then be divided between the clubs in the Championship.
What’s a loss? However the rules are not as simple as first seem. Some expenses, such as youth development, promotion bonuses and ground related costs are excluded when calculating the loss. This in theory encourages clubs to spend money on academies and infrastructure, as these are not deemed to be sins for FFP purposes.
Can the rules be bent? The Football League have said that clubs should “behave with utmost good faith towards both The League and other Championship Clubs” and will take a dim view of clubs manipulating their results to avoid FFP sanctions. A more cynical view is that it should be relativel y easy to circumnavigate some of the issues, as a lot of figures in the accounts are estimates/judgemental. So there is scope for creative accounting if that is the will of the owners, so is it a case of the in the finances, strange ways here we come? Already eyebrows have been raised in relation to the one year sponsorship
“Should Palace be relegated, they will be in a stronger financial position than the Albion for a few years, despite playing in a stadium that looks as if it was part of the film set for War of the Worlds”
deal obtained by Nottingham Forest, from the *ahem* Fawaz International Refrigeration and Air Conditioning Company, (Nottingham is to my knowledge not a city that consumes a lot of air conditioning units) for a figure believed to be in the millions. As Forest have been the biggest net spender in the Championship during the summer transfer window these two things may be connected. I did spend a lot of time going through the small print one evening, and that night has opened my eyes to what can and cannot be done by clubs. Ultimately if the owners want to all apply the rules (and remember it was their idea in the first place) then things should improve financially. If you take a look at the Premier League, who have their own version of FFP where you can however lose an eye watering £105 million over three years and still satisfy the rules, things seem even more intriguing. One massive club has apparently recruited some accountants who helped draft the PL FFP rules as ‘advisors’. If the thought of losing £105 million over this period makes you still ill, that is before the clubs start to become a little creative with the numbers. Tales of clubs outsourcing a number of functions such as stewarding, catering and
ground maintenance to friendly third parties, who then reinvoice the club for small amounts, effectively taking on the losses themselves, abound. There is even talk about private sponsors of players, again linked to a related party, or a friendly kit manufacture, reducing the amount of the players wage contract absorbed by the club, whilst still allowing Carlos Kickaball or some other handsome devil to trouser his £200k a week from two, instead of one, paypackets, and the club has effectively signed half a person. So yes, if they wanted, clubs could produce a set of accounts that represent little more than a miserable lie, but if they have any integrity this should not be the case.
Parachutes The new TV deal in the Premier League gives relegated clubs an £18 million head start over clubs such as the Albion in the Championship due to parachute payments. We’ve already seen the impact of this in the player purchases made by QPR (Austin and Parker for £7.5 million, plus Joey Barton’s £70,000 a week, (including mobile phone bill for his Twitter account)). These numbers paint a vulgar pic-
ture, but Harry Redknapp’s men are not able to spend the money simply because they are from London. Money changes everything, and certainly the parachute payments take the ‘Fair’ out of Financial Fair Play. It also means that, should Palace be relegated, they will be in a stronger financial position than the Albion for a few years, despite playing in a stadium that looks as if it was part of the film set for War of the Worlds. Palace have certainly been looking at bargain basement signings in their 16 summer recruitments, it’s as if they are budgeting for relegation, and using the parachute payments to bounce back in 2014/15. It could be that last season did represent our best chance of promotion, and until FFP unravels then a top ten finish is fair ambition, but many fans may not feel that is good enough and will be unhappy at the prospect of the Albion going nowhere fast. So long as we don’t oscillate wildly between the lower divisions then in the medium term we should be well placed for a promotion/playoff push.
Conclusion The rules are an attempt to stem the losses, but it will be a long time before clubs in this di-
vision say to their banks/owners, “I don’t owe you anything”. Until then we are reliant on the largesse and whims of club chairmen, some of whom are genuine fans, and some of whom are in it for other reasons. Too many clubs have been at death’s door, none have yet been wheeled through the cemetery gates, let’s hope that never happens. Fans on internet forums will moan about a lack of ambition when clubs cut back on signings, but for the moment that will have to say to themselves, whilst staring at the poster of Bobby Zamora, “I want the one I can’t have”. From an Albion perspective, our chairman is a very private individual, we don’t know exactly how wealthy he is, as he keeps his money hidden, so we don’t know if he has another £10/20/100 million to invest in the club. What difference does it make in the long term is a question that we will have the answer to in a season or two. TSLR
Johnny Marr
the albion ying + yang The Minor
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evoid of inspiration and with time ticking away, your humble narrator had an ever-constricting list of targets to vent his footballing frustration at in this column. In the world of the Albion there are simultaneously no easy targets and many easy targets. It is possible to have two completely contradictory opinions on almost every nook and cranny of the Seagulls operation. To miss Gus Poyet but resent the unforgiveable tactical inflexibility which cost his charges – and their supporters – so dear last term. To recognise the need for efficiency drives and cost-cutting but rally against the being called a customer. To put your entire faith in the people running the club but worry they may soon price you out. In a world of such polarised possibilities, it is difficult to decide who, where and what to thrust your vitriol towards. It is
even hard to decide whether they deserve it or not. But justified or not, constructive or pointless, well-received or dismissed out of hand, there does seem to be a burning frustration in the pie-blossomed bellies of some Seagulls faithful. A support base built on cynicism and campaigning needs feeding. Needs something to rally against. One week it is Paul Barber and his price hikes. The next it is the head coach who plays Bruno centre midfield. The target is ever-changing, but ever-needed. The natural state of the football fan is one of perpetual disappointment interspersed with the occasion triumph. Even the fleeting glory is double-edged and bitter sweet. Even the greatest triumph or the proudest performance will dissolve within seconds into the nagging suspicion that things can only get worse
from that point on. The super successful suffer equally. It isn’t just the preserve of the lower league loyal enjoying a rare cup triumph. No. The high flyers are football’s crack addicts. Every cup win or league crown confirmed merely dampens the senses, desensitises the supporter to future victories. Win every week and the win means less. You need to win, and win well to get the same football high. Soon championships are needed each season just to sustain the base level emotions. What got you high as a fledgling fan no longer does the trick. Brighton fans are currently undergoing their own version. Everything is perfect. Nothing is perfect. Our ground is beyond our collective wildest dreams. But it takes too long to get home from. The pies are wonderful. But they take too long to buy. Our crowds are bumper. But
not as high as the ticket sales announced at games. Oscar isn’t Gus. But Oscar is no Gus. Our Spanish players are superb. But they aren’t actually Spanish. We re-signed David Lopez. Spanish Dave isn’t playing well. We drew with Reading. But we only drew with Reading. With every positive point there is an equal negative. It is what keeps Planet Albion in perfect balance. The North Stand would collapse in upon itself like a footballing black hole if this status quo was somehow upset by a stadium of happy, fulfilled and concern-free consumers. Something must be wrong. Something. Everything. Anything. Just give me something to complain about. Only then will I be happy. TSLR
Marco Van Bastard Chill your boots. The ongoing modernisation of football will actually be positive for a lot of fans. @FraggleMiller
We’re going to finish so midtable this year it’s conceivable Radio 2 will be commissioning MOR songs about our season by the end of February. Assuming you foresee the same inevitability, perhaps what’s more interesting is where the Falmer “experience” might be heading. Back in the days when our hopes hung by a Yes Yes balloon to a lamppost, business people I knew used to describe the stadium with the certainty of people discussing the possibility of their mortgage going down in a month’s time. Its proposal, they would say, represented progress, and I have been trying to think about what progress might look like in ten or 20 years from now. Safe, modern terracing will, I believe, happen. Economics will seal the deal, as more paying punters can be crammed into the North Stand without too many murmurings about ticket costs being upheld despite the lack of comfortable arses all round. Approval of the legislature involved is clearly a wider issue, but Barber must have one eye on the financial implications when he appeases supporters with assurances that the prospect of standing at games remains open. If anything, some supporters will likely want to switch from their plusher seats once terracing is reintroduced, allowing waiting fans with greater disposable income to take their places high up in the stands. Alcohol will be imbibed throughout the ground and sold throughout the game. It is arguable that there is an element of testing taking place in this area with every game which passes, every matchday making it quite obvi-
ous that there would be no safety issues were beer allowed beyond the concourses. Money will talk here, with tills ringing during games and fewer people perturbed by the all-but impossible challenge of trying to secure and drink a pint of highly average lager during the interval. The seating areas are never raucous enough to threaten mass spillage, although there is probably a case for banning devil juice from the terraces. Ultimately, finances will likely negate that restriction, albeit with clauses (and watchful stewarding) attached. Children will eventually be allowed in for free. Supporters of a certain age – prior to the “lost generation” - might well recall being “hooked” thanks to pocket money prices at the Goldstone. Parents can already buy tickets for their kids for pretty much sod-all, and the effect these tiny prices must have on revenues, compared with adult prices widely thought to be over-inflated, must be negligible. The business sense of this is coherent with any club’s thinking: everyone knows young fans are the equivalent of long-term investors. Other thoughts: pyrotechnics will be allowed to improve the atmosphere, particularly for families. A winter break may be embraced to make way for summer football. Away teams will be allowed to keep the entirety of their share of the gate, encouraging full stadiums and boosting the income of clubs. A certain level of fan investment and ownership, no matter how artificial, will be introduced, if only for its sense of involvement. The not-toodistant future, for chief executives and fans, should be brighter. TSLR
AN APOLOGY FROM SKY
Friday nights we can handle, Saturday at 5 is a hoot, Sunday at noon is alright we suppose, but Mondays can do one. Midfield Diamond
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ear football fan that actually goes to games instead of sitting at home watching them on the telly, Sky would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused by the late decision to televise the Brighton v Watford game and move it to a Monday night in half term week. We realise that many people will have already made plans for that week, thinking that the game would take place on the Friday evening as previously arranged. We would particularly like to apologise to Mr and Mrs Diamond who had planned to attend the game then go on holiday to celebrate their silver wedding. We hope that they can find a bar showing the match and trust that their many Brighton friends will refrain from calling them “Lightweights” for missing a game. In addition, Sky would like to point out that the re-scheduling of the game was agreed by both Clubs following a meeting at which your feelings were largely ignored by all parties. Your preference for Friday night and Saturday afternoon games, allowing plenty of time for pre- and post-match drinking and creating a much better atmosphere in the ground, was noted. However, your opinions were then dismissed as irrelevant. Sky would also like to add that the amount of money paid to the Clubs for the television rights for the game was substantial, which you should all be very pleased about with Financial Fair Play coming in. We are sure you agree with your Board of Directors that lots of money going to the Club is adequate compensation for your planned long weekend being wrecked. Talking of compensation, Sky will consider reimbursing fans for any extra expenses incurred in cancelling previous plans and travelling to the re-arranged fixture. Hahaha, just our little joke.
Sky suggests that any (seriously misplaced) anger you feel about the situation should not only be directed towards us and your Clubs, but also towards the football authorities. The FA, the Barclays Premier League and the SkyBet Football League have all worked very hard with regard to football in the media. When it comes to running the game for the financial benefit of everyone concerned, except the fans that attend matches of course, Sky and the football authorities “are all in the money together” as David Cameron might have said. Incidentally, Sky are keen to dismiss any inference that there is anything dodgy at all about SkyBet. The on-line gambling company that ran a book on the next Sunderland manager for example has absolutely no connection with the sports news channel which discussed who may or may not have been in the running for the job. You can be confident that Skybet is an ethical organisation, just like its parent company. In summary, Sky would like to reassure you that the decision to royally piss you off was not taken lightly, and we hope you understand that we are not wholly to blame. Sky do however reserve the right to bugger up any plans you may have regarding attendance at games in the future. Yours sincerely, British Sky Broadcasting Group PLC
TOUGH LOVE
@JemStone
Enough is enough. Is it time for Albion fans to give Paul Barber a great big hug?
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n a small village about ten miles north of Hastings, The Bear Inn and Burwash motel is a typical mid Sussex country pub. Sky blares out from a large screen at weekends, its function rooms cater equally for wakes as they do for weddings, and there are endless to and fro arguments on Trip Advisor as to the quality of its menu, “I had a gorgeous jacket potato with beans which also came with salad” says one customer’s comment, perhaps a fan, of its catering. On a dark October evening in a few weeks however, The Bear Inn will have a very special guest. Making a return appearance, Seagulls over Burwash (one of many local supporters clubs) will host another appearance by Paul Barber, a pint in hand, at their monthly get together. Up to a hundred fans, in a place where he was once jokingly heard to say; “Burwash? Isn’t that somewhere in Kent ?”, will hear the Albion’s controversial CEO no doubt patiently explain again the ins and outs of Financial Fair Play, how the club is enduring £8m losses a year but stressing, over and over, contrary to the prevailing view of Barber online and sometimes in
TSLR his public belief that “supporters are the lifeblood of any football club and doubly so [at the Albion]. We need their help”. And once more, judging by every other time fans come into contact with the man face to face, their perception of him will be quietly changed. 46 year old Spurs fan Paul Barber, who has been at the club less than 18 months, is, we sometimes forget, an experienced sports administrator with stints at Spurs, the FA and NSL club Vancouver Whitecaps. He has a track record of bringing in substantial new commercial revenue alongside techniques to keep fans loyal and, crucially, happy to spend. One of those techniques is to devote hours in the job patiently talking to fans face to face or online, and being as transparent as possible about how the club is run. If you send an email to Barber, he will reply. Sometimes that reply can be 1000 words long and might arrive late at night. Many of these, as he’s crucially aware end up posted online, with typical responses such as “Paul Barber emailed me personally late last night despite being in the middle of moving
house. (I) Have to say that my view on him has changed massively”. Those trips to pubs, and they are usually pubs, to meet gatherings of supporters are now common in Sussex or in the capital. He’s also fully aware of the grassroots media around the club and is just as likely to use an interview on fan podcast Albion Roar, or campaigning blogs like Not Worth That as The Argus or BBC Sussex to get his message across. It’s not just big picture stuff, he’s also quick to kill off potential PR disasters. When a rumour circulated late at night pre-season on North Stand Chat that Harveys was no longer to be the ale of choice on the concourses, he responded within an hour saying it was “nonsense”. Like it or not, and alongside other progressive football bosses such as Darragh MacAnthony from Peterborough, and, credit where credits due, the Palace gang of Steve Parish etc, Barber is adept at using media to talk to fans. Unlike the remote oligarchs, sheiks and American franchise billionaires of that TV-bloated League above, the smart administrators of the league below have had to
develop a new FFP inspired strategy. Perhaps a clue into this approach came in early July. Oscar Garcia had been in post as Head Coach for a week and after a summer of upheaval. Albion’s first pre-season friendly is just days away in Whitehawk. Meanwhile, on the other side of the world hundreds of ‘Club Membership, Stadium Commercial and Event Managers’ have gathered at Melbourne Cricket Ground for the annual ‘Sport is Fantastic - The Total Fan Experience’ conference. Over there, Cardiff City FC’s marketing boss is talking about “Using Community Involvement, Fan Engagement and event experience as catalysts for growth”. A US Ice Hockey boss is sharing his experience of using Twitter to “aggressively engage with supporters”. On the Tuesday morning the keynote speech “Improving the Game Day Experience AND the bottom line” is from “Second tier club Brighton and Hove Albion’s Paul Barber”. Recalling his previous visit to the conference he’s reported as saying how he was impressed with the membership drives of many Australian clubs and their experience that loyal supporters want to be involved in a
“Twitter hashtags or some of the more hysterical rants online at a new sponsorship announcement or minor price change might give the impression that for most Albion fans he’s some sort of ludicrous hate figure up there with Bankers or Utility bosses, but Barber will be in the Bear Inn in Burwash as his relentless campaign to woo fans goes on”
financially stable club but are also prepared to contribute financially to achieve that outcome. Fans, who should “never be taken for granted” he concludes, are part of that necessary deficit sized solution, and those that follow how Barber operates closely will appreciate that he’s done an effective job of making fans aware of their role. Whilst the never entirely serious #barberout and #fansnotcustomers Twitter hashtags or some of the more hysterical rants online at a new sponsorship announcement or minor price change might give the impression that for most Albion fans he’s some sort of ludicrous hate figure up there with Bankers or Utility bosses, Barber will be in the Bear Inn in Burwash as his relentless campaign to woo fans goes on. And he’s winning. You can’t fail to be impressed by the sheer commitment of the man. You know he’s reading this for example. That prevailing cartoon critique of Barber as a remote corporate hate figure can sometimes, nonetheless, mask the more thoughtful and justified sentiment and concern about ticket prices, debt and the soul of the club. As Barber says “We need to find new
fans to build the club for the future because that is critical given where this club has come from, what it has been through and how hard people have worked, particularly the fans, to get us to where we are.” And as I’m sure Paul is acutely aware there’s more to that than just pies, pints and loyalty points. TSLR
Reading is one of the less exciting away days and my enthusiasm for this fixture was dampened further once we had decided to pitch up right at the back of the stand where a freezing draft blew right through us. Albion played well and had a great chance to take all three points once the tortoise paced Pogrebnyak had been sent off. Our man from Argentina then got himself sent off - it was probably a bit harsh but a high boot against an ex-Prem side, at home, on Sky, was always likely to see the referee get excited. The Sky bosses must have been well happy to have picked this game, and the non-stop action was evidenced by the co-ed and I paying more attention to the burger van generator outside that had been left on all game (a waste of that wind turbine, perhaps?). Barnes came on and played well, and Albion had the best chances to nick it, but the game remained goalless so we retreated to the delightful Three Guineas by the station and wished it was a Saturday. (Paul McDonald’s left foot)
A nice trip to Shepherds Bush and QPR, and we managed to find a beautifully rough and surprisingly quiet Irish pub not too far from the ground. Good Albion turn out for this one, and we all packed into the charming tin-pot that is the Loftus Road away end. I laughed when I heard Charlie Austin being referred to as a ‘brick-laying twat’. One TSLRite - known as a bit of a ranter - went off on one during the first half, unusually devoid of profanities. Upon completion of said rant, which referred to QPR being as poor as our despised rivals from Croydon, he was warned by watching stewards to calm down. He argued that he was entitled to say what he wanted as long as he did not swear, to which another Albion replied ‘you did swear, you said Palace’. Our big Pole made some good saves to keep us in it but we were worthy of a point against a side likely to win the division. (Agent G)
So the Bolton match report then. A surprising and slightly unwelcome intrusion into my Monday evening. Agent G promised to write this but ran away to Australia like a pussy. Still, I do owe him £200 for use of his season ticket so I suppose we are now even.
And so, as with many issues of TSLR, we got two Bolton reports in the end and forgot about the Ipswich disaster: It was Spanish tat day at the Albion who had clearly decimated the Latin section of the pound shop with their purchases of flags and bunting.
Don’t remember much of the first half mainly due to too much idle chatting and not enough football watching. I do remember Bolton being pretty dire. All these northern teams (Every team is Northern though? Ed) that come to the AmEx are hard to tell apart. They all generally cheat, time waste and get a lucky goal so they defend for the rest of the game. Bolton were no exception.
Last season’s away kit was never liked by some for its association with match control staff but even they cannot say that it was worse than what Bolton turned up in – an orange kit that can only be described as a shade of ‘steward’. Harshly 1-0 down at the break, Oscar’s half time Sangria clearly got the Albion fired up as they came out and went loco.
We looked pretty good with Kaz giving his best performance of the season for us and Ince looking better game by game. Second half starts. We look quite fired up. And then fuck me, we only go and score three in four minutes or so. Never in almost three decades watching these idiots have I ever seen the like! Except I didn’t see all three goals. During our celebration of the second goal a TSLR co-ed stuck his bloody finger knuckle deep into my eye. It hurt. My contact lens came out. I probably screamed loudly (in a manly way). Whilst all this painful nonsense was going on Will Buckley scored a third, the ground erupted and I got mobbed again whilst trying to avoid further injury. My vision is still fucked. Marvellous. We played well and deserved the victory. Bolton were shockingly poor. I have now injured myself at 40% of Amex visits this season. (Phen)
I pray no-one in the North stand decided to go for a dump on 50 minutes as Albion decided to score three times in the following 300 seconds. First, an own goal cancelled out Spanish Dave’s first half effort for Bolton. Then Calde let rip with an edge of the box volleyed trickler. In celebrating this screamer the co-ed gauged out the eye of one TSLRite - he was still trying to replace his dislodged contact lens when Buckley let rip with number 3! Muy bueno Albion. (Agent G)
@Swiftenberg
WHY WEREN’T WE A LEADING LIGHT ON RAINBOW LACES? Albion’s ongoing coyness in terms of homophobia in football was highlighted again last month. As the club’s community links weaken, we ask if the professional club in Europe’s gay capital is brave enough to take a moral stand.
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righton (and Hove) is a city well known for a few things: excessive drug use; being a hotspot for tourists; those disappointingly pebbled beaches; and being the most progressive LGBT areas across the country. It is that last point that made it somewhat surprising when the Albion failed to be an overt beacon in the recent anti homophobia campaign promoted by the gay rights group, Stonewall, asking footballers to wear rainbow coloured bootlaces over the weekend of 21-22 September. Stonewall, working on the campaign in association with bookmaker, Paddy Power, sent all 92 English Football League and 42 Scottish professional squads rainbow coloured shoelaces. Their deputy chief executive, Laura Doughty, said: “It’s time for football clubs and players to step up and make a visible stand against homophobia in our national game. By wearing rainbow laces, players will send a message of support to gay players and can begin to drag football into the 21st Century.” The campaign drew criticism from other gay rights groups. Notably, and perhaps most justifiably, the Football v Homophobia campaign - who were invited to join the rainbow laces campaign at an early stage but quickly ruled themselves out. FvH suggested that, whilst they supported the overall aims of the campaign (“we applaud the sentiments behind the laces idea central to the ‘Rainbow Laces’ campaign, namely solidarity with gay players”), they were not convinced by its ‘reliance on sexualised innuendo and stereotypes about
gay men and anal sex, as exemplified by the tag line ‘Right Behind Gay Players’’. FvH has a point - it was perhaps an unwise decision to make a point of criticising homophobic behaviour by using language that could be construed as homophobic. But this is what campaigns do - they raise the profile of a subject through generating media coverage. Stonewall could quite easily respond to the FvH comments by criticising the FvH campaign. After several false starts, the Football Association launched an online guide for helping clubs eradicate homophobia earlier this year but in March 2013, only 29 of the country’s 92 league clubs had signed up to FvH. Stonewall would not be wrong to suggest that their ‘sexualised innuendo’ campaign could have had more of an impact than FvH’s. But it failed to get support of the football community, and no campaign can be considered successful without that. In one of the early seasons of TSLR, and on an opening day clash for Albion away from home due to the annual gay pride celebrations, we tried to produce a fully pink-papered Justin Fashanu special. It would have been a ‘stereotype’ about LGBT people to publish the issue on pink paper, but we only ever wanted to produce it to highlight the preposterousness that gay footballers still don’t feel comfortable in being ‘out’. Justin Fashanu featured on the back of that issue, but nobody at the time really wanted to write about the only real serious taboo left in football. Despite several Tweets to the Albion’s official Twitter feed – mainly from the easily
“As to whether the club would formally back the Stonewall campaign, all we got was silence. Not even a line tucked in amongst Paul Barber’s latest dissertation he emailed to Albion supporters”
dismissible LGBT community – as to whether the club would formally back the Stonewall campaign, all we got was silence. Not even a line tucked in amongst Paul Barber’s latest dissertation he emailed to Albion supporters / season ticket holders / anyone who once bought a ticket / anyone whose got time to read that much text (UNSUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE, UNSUBSCRIBE). During the weekend that Stonewall had asked players to wear the laces, almost no clubs threw their weight behind the campaign. Several high profile clubs excused themselves from wearing rainbow laces, citing a lack of consultation with football clubs prior to the campaign being launched. A handy excuse. Others blamed the association with Paddy Power because that was contradictory to their own (lucrative) sponsorship deals with various different betting firms. Another handy excuse. The reason there is still an issue of homophobia in football is exactly that: English football clubs have never taken responsibility of social issues they perceive don’t affect them. It’s why it took so long for a campaign against racism to come about (Let’s Kick Racism Out of Football was only launched by the Commission for Racial Equality and PFA in 1993). And with Stonewall’s campaign, it is telling that the Premier League, the Football League and the biggest of football clubs failed
to back this supposedly outlandish idea that homophobia doesn’t have a place in football. From the top flight, only Everton insisted that their players wear the laces that weekend. In any other walk of life – even supposedly these days within the Conservative Party – an obvious failure to support opposition to discrimination towards a minority group of people creates a backlash of animosity. You would have read about the moral bankruptcy across the media. But it seems that football, even in 2013, can still avoid taking a moral standpoint. And we should all be disappointed about that. In Albion’s home match against Bolton during the rainbow laces weekend, I couldn’t actually tell whether any Albion players had taken a stand by wearing them. For me, one thing was for certain - the Albion should have worn the rainbow laces and the club should have insisted that all our players did. It is something I expected the Albion to publically back (in a town such as Brighton especially) and they should have done so with a fanfare of press releases, probably a damn sight more interesting than the club’s marketing emails. If any Albion players did wear the laces, well done, but I’m sure they didn’t. They were most probably too busy playing FIFA, eating Nandos and taking ‘selfies’ on Instagram to bother with addressing serious issues.
Maybe I expect too much of grown men who play sport but it can’t be that hard, can it? Hilariously, one player did wear the rainbow laces on a football pitch that Albion played on: QPR’s Joey Barton – himself a perpetrator of potentially homophobic language and questionable behaviour in the past – publically backed Stonewall’s campaign and wore the laces when they welcomed Albion to Loftus Road in September. If he can swallow his pride for what is right, then a club based in Brighton really should have done too. Homophobic language and homophobia have become more punishable offences within football grounds over the past couple of seasons. There are regular supporter ejections (recently at Ipswich away); over the summer we heard about some northern fans being found guilty (and subsequently banned) for homophobic chanting; and, of course, the (now flat) Coca-Cola kid is currently fighting charges of homophobic gestures he allegedly made to the Falmer crowd whilst playing for Blackburn last season. On that latter point, it is again telling of the culture within football that many of the Albion players and staff from that day have backed CKR in court. And in a month where Tottenham fans have been divided on whether they continue to refer to themselves as ‘Yids’, the whole debate of what is acceptable to sing at
football grounds is something that football clubs, police and stewards are considering. Jewish Chelsea fan David Baddiel succinctly described how being a Chelsea fan and hearing the offensiveness of his fellow fans against Tottenham, a club perceived to be Jewish, was anything but acceptable. He is right, of course, but some Tottenham fans were quick to create a backlash in asserting that they are ‘Yids’ and will continue to call themselves so. The whole point here is what is offensive. On the way back from Birmingham earlier this season, some Southampton fans flanked by their 10-year-old children - continuously suggested we, as Albion fans, were gay. As ever, our small band of Albionites took it in good jest - responding with the now obligatory chants of ‘you’re too ugly to be gay’ and ‘come and take it up the a**e...’ Whilst their taunts were offensive, we pretended they weren’t. And that encouraged those Southampton fans to continue with homosexual based derision all the way back to Euston. Do Albion fans responding to homophobic chants encourage more? Should we attribute fans of clubs situated north of Watford as living in slums? Or is that all just acceptable banter? TSLR
Haywards Heath Ledger The subtle introduction of Oscar has been smooth to say he least, but was smooth what we want as we reach October? @HHLedger
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ame suit, same beaming smile, same accent, same wet-look hair gel. The new Generalisimo of the Republica de Brighton del Mar at first appearances could be the Raul Castro to the departed Fidel – not so much a change in regime as a dynastic succession. On the pitch you could rub your eyes and convince yourself that you were watching the Brighton of September 2012 or 2011. The philosophy hasn’t changed: There’s still one ball, and we’d still rather hold on to it thanks. We still seem to have the inconsistency that characterised Poyet’s Brighton from our arrival in the second tier through to the start of this year; as you’d expect from a squad with literally 4(!) super-flair Spanish players, you still never know if we’re going to turn up and look like we just don’t really fancy it much on the proverbial wet Wednesday night in Stoke (or Birmingham, Leeds, Ipswich etc.). The circumstances in which Oscar arrived at Brighton conspired in many ways to make it a low-key start to a new reign. It came so late that there was no time to speculate on how the new man would try and reshape the squad over the summer. Signings came late and mostly unheralded. In fact at the end of the summer most people felt that our most significant transfer activity had been the retention of Spanish Dave (although he’s doing his best to dispel that feeling so far this season). There have been new faces, but they’ve come in in dribs and drabs, entering the team through injury, on loan, from the youth set-up, so that it hasn’t felt like a conscious strategy by a new manager to shake things up and stamp his authority on things. Everything points to a more understated approach from club as well as manager. There was the job title change and the general lack of fanfare about the appointment. Then
there’s the fact that few fans would have followed his coaching career to date or formed an opinion of him already. Even examining his record on paper it’s hard to form an opinion one way or the other – a league title in Israel? Part of the Barcelona youth set up? Definitely promising but not quite enough to inspire wild optimism. The man himself does seem enigmatic too. His general affability seems to function as a bit of a poker face and we’ve probably already seen enough of him to know that he’ll never be the sort of manager to set hearts singing amongst veteran football hacks desperate to stir up a story. How much of that is down to the Poyet hangover? Are we so used to having tantrums and gesticulating from the technical area that we’ve just forgotten what it’s like to have a normal, well-adjusted, grown-up manager? The thing is, whilst appearances may deceive, on reflection it does feel like there’s been a subtle shift over the summer. Building work is over, our stadium is finished. FFP, escalating tension over ticket prices, and of course, the ultimate vibe-killing-experience at the end of last year, mean the atmosphere has changed at the Theatre of Padded Seats – no more wideeyed dreaming, we’re a wiser, older club now. Whether or not the change will prove to be positive we don’t know, but it definitely feels like Oscar Garcia is the man that symbolises the moment. TSLR
“a slow motion montage of people dressed as Mexicans and Gully chasing a General Franco round Falmer to some Coldplay music� Page 9
WE REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THAT DURING TODAY’S MATCH, TWO MEN WILL DIE OF PROSTATE CANCER. We’re sorry to cast a shadow over today’s proceedings, but prostate cancer kills one man every hour in the UK. That’s a strike rate of 10,000 men a year. And survival isn’t always good news. How would you cope with infertility, erectile problems or incontinence? We urgently need funds to improve diagnosis and help us find better treatment. Make a £3 donation on your mobile right now, it’s as easy as sending the text you see below. With your help, we hope one day to make a more welcome announcement. The death of prostate cancer itself.
MEN DESERVE BETTER. TEXT PROSTATE9 TO 70004 TO MAKE A £3 DONATION or visit prostatecanceruk.org/football Text costs £3 plus network charge. Prostate Cancer UK receives 100% of your donation. Obtain bill payer’s permission. Customer care 0844 847 9800. Prostate Cancer UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1005541) and in Scotland (SC039332). Registered company 2653887.