BRIDE’S GUIDE 2010 What every bride needs to know: the dress the cake the makeup the photos the budget the etiquette
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Best Wishes
You’re in love, and soon you’ll be married. No matter where you are in the process — thinking about the ring, selecting your special day or nearly ready to walk down the aisle — you can use inspiration and informed advice. The key to a perfect wedding starts with a savvy bride and bridegroom. That’s why we’re excited to bring you this edition of Bride’s Guide, your source for planning and enjoying one of life’s sweetest celebrations. Congratulations! BRIDE’S GUIDE 2010 IS A PUBLICATION OF
BRIDE’S GUIDE 2010
ADVERTISER INDEX SILVER TOWNE | 2
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the dress Trend in bridal gowns is to follow your heart THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
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any brides positively know what their wedding gown will look like long before they meet their bridegroom, and they’re not going to let a little thing — OK, actually a huge thing — known as the economy dash their dream dress. They are seeking out gowns with smaller price-tags, according to industry experts, but their expectations haven’t shrunk accordingly. What’s a gown designer to do? Give these women what they want and bundle it up in a big white bow. There’s really no arguing with a bride who has made up her mind. At the most recent round of wedding fashion previews, observers said there were a lot of sellable gowns catering to a variety of tastes and lifestyles, none of which, however, were obviously pared-down. There might have been a little less beading and fewer exotic trims, such as feathers, to keep costs down, but there wasn’t an industrywide movement toward gowns on the cheap, the insiders said. “When I try to think of one overriding theme, it’s that brides still want the options for the wedding they want to have,” said Darcy Miller, editorial director of Martha Stewart Weddings. And of course, she added, each bride wants a different kind of wedding; it’s a traditional, formal blowout for one, a more casual beach bash for another. “Because of the economic climate, a lot of brides are willing to get a DJ instead of a band, do it on Sunday instead Please continue on 7
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Models wearing bridal fashion by Nicole Miller walk the runway at a bridal fashion show in New York. THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
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the dress
Models wearing bridal fashion by Reem Acra walk the runway at a bridal fashion show in October. THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
“You want the bride to feel like she’s getting married — that it’s pure and real. After all, you’re not getting married to throw a party or even to wear the dress. You are getting married to get married — for you, for him, for the both of you — and these dresses are supposed to reflect that.”
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of a Saturday night, but they still have the wedding and still have the dream of what they wanted their dress to be,” Miller said. Designer Monique Lhuillier said she feels almost Designer Michael protective when Shettel says to crafting wedding gowns, find the perfect which is dress, try it on different than and see how it the trendsetmoves, because ter role she movement brings might play when working the dress alive. on red-carpet gowns or ready-towear clothes. “It’s a wedding, a celebration, a new life, a new love, a new chapter. I’m honored to be a part of it and rework the dress to make sure it’s perfect in my own eye,” said Lhuillier. “I thought about the ultimate bride and how much we could give her,” said another designer, Reem Acra. “The perfect look is that she wants to stay young, stay fresh and be able to travel with the dress.” Acra captured modern and airy silhouettes influenced by a trip to Japan, where she was impressed with gardens, Zen and an aesthetic of purity. There’s no “flash” in the gowns, Acra explained, since she was aiming for a sweeter sort of beauty, when a bride gets caught up in the romance of the occasion. “You want the bride to feel like she’s getting married — that it’s pure and real,” she said. “After all, you’re not getting married to throw a party or even to wear the dress. You are getting married to get married — for you, for him, for the both of you — and these dresses are supposed to reflect that.” Trends are barely a blip on Nicole Miller’s radar as she does her bridal collection, nevermind that she also designs fashionforward cocktail frocks. A good, flattering gown that can be worn by different ages and body types is another story, though. “If I have a really good-selling evening gown, I’ll do a version for bridal because I already know the silhouette is selling. I might add beading or
longer train,” she said. Her favorite from her new collection is a crushed metal-taffeta dress with a pleated bottom and tucks up the front. What brides want most is to look fantastic, and what they think about is how gowns flatter their figure and appear in photographs, Nicole Miller said. That’s why corsets sell so well in bridal, she added with a laugh. Michael Shettel, designer of the Alfred Angelo collection, said sleek and slim is one popular direction for brides; the other, at the opposite end of the spectrum, is the modern ballgown. “We approached this season with the inspiration of jazz on a summer’s day,” said Shettel, who watched a 1958 documentary about the Newport Jazz Festival as part of his process. “What was striking was how modern the casual sort of dresses looked in 1958 with the juxtaposition of the jazzworld glamour.” The way to find the perfect dress, he said, is to try it on and see how it moves, because movement brings the dress alive.
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the dress What to do with the dress after the big day
The train could be used as trimming in a baby blanket or to start a family quilt. Some of the tulle and beading could be used to adorn photo frames with pictures from the wedding.
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f your goal is to retain at least some part of your wedding gown, there are plenty of options to consider: • Preserve it. Preservation companies recommend taking action immediately to prevent stains from setting in. Some dry cleaners offer wedding gown cleaning and preservation services or sell kits to send the dress off to companies that specialize in preservation. These companies clean the dress and place them in a pH-neutral box. The kits are available at authorized dealers; visit www.gownpreservation.com or a wedding Web site, such as theknot.com for more information or to find a preservation company in your area. • Repurpose it. If you would like to stretch your dress’ use without giving it away, try incorporating it into meaningful decor. The train could be used as trimming in a baby blanket or to start a family quilt. Some of the tulle and beading could be used to adorn photo frames with pictures from the wedding. • Donate it. By donating your dress to Goodwill, the Salvation Army or a similar group, you can give someone who might not be able to afford a full-price dress the opportunity to also feel like the princess you were on your big day. You can also donate your dress to Brides Against Breast Cancer. This group resales wedding gowns and donates the proceeds to the Making Memories Breast Cancer Foundation, a group that grants
final wishes to women and men suffering from terminal breast cancer. For more information, visit www.bridesagainstbreastcancer.org. • Sell it. There are plenty of brides looking for good deals, and eBay, wedding Web site message boards or local consignment shops that will share the profits with you are easy ways to unload the dress and get a little bit of return on your investment. • Reuse it. Celebrate a weight loss or special anniversary by having pictures made of you and your hubby in wedding attire at alternative venues.
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the cake Finding sweet success with the wedding cake
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f you are planning to take the aisle waltz and need to choose a cake, there are a few things to keep in mind. Use the advance time to plan out the cake itself, from design to color theme to flavor. Experienced cake decorators will have a portfolio of cakes they’ve done and some will post them online. If it’s your first time dealing with the cake maker, don’t hesitate to ask for references. And because cakes are supposed to taste good as well as look good, choose your flavors wisely. Fruit- and creamfilled cakes might not do well in warm weather, so ask for recommendations. Here’s a list of things to keep in mind when it comes to your cake: • Cake toppers/ornaments. When picking an ornament or cake topper, consider the dimension and weight. Choices include “Bride & Groom” ornaments or a floral pieces that matches your wedding colors. New techniques and molds allow for many types of edible ornaments, so check with your decorator. Otherwise, all ornaments, Please continue on Page 12
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the cake From Page 11
including flowers, should be removed from the cake before cutting. • Fresh flowers as a cake top. When using fresh flowers, make sure they are arranged with picks or containers and not directly on the cake. Most fresh flowers and greenery are treated with pesticides, so be very careful. • Cake table. Have a sturdy table ready upon delivery of the cake. The cake table should be covered and decorated before the cake is placed on top. Placement of the table is usually around the bridal head table. Make sure the wall background around the cake table is clear of fire extinguishers, restroom signs, etc. Make sure there is a wall plug nearby if you are planning on using something electric such as a fountain. • Cost. The design, flavor, type of
frosting, the number of layers and the difficulty in constructing your dream wedding cake all add up. Decide on a cake budget before placing your order. You may have to make a deposit to confirm your order. Get a receipt with a description of the cake. Also, final payments vary. Two weeks prior to your wedding date is reasonable for a simple cake. • Delivery. Make sure you ask if your cake decorator can deliver the cake and if there is an additional charge for delivery. Give directions to the reception and time for delivery. Also include a contact person to receive the cake. • Cancellations. Make sure you understand the terms of the contract for cancellations. A percentage of most deposits are non-refundable. • Business license and sanitation permits. Make sure your cake decorator is licensed and has a sanitation permit.
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“When using fresh flowers, make sure they are arranged with picks or containers and not directly on the cake. Most fresh flowers and greenery are treated with pesticides, so be very careful.”
the photos 14 | Bride’s Guide
Capturing your big day includes big decisions
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o couples out there preparing for their big day, the most important person to find after you choose a mate can be the wedding photographer. The photographer will not only be with you during the eight to nine hours of your preparation, ceremony and reception: The moments his or her camera captures will last a lifetime. As Joshua Stern of JS Photography in Cherry Hill, N.Y. puts it, “Once the day’s over, the music stops, the food has been eaten, what you’re left with to cherish is those photographs.” Couples can avoid scrambling searches and complications by approaching the task of finding a photographer with a plan in mind and a vision of what they’re seeking. Finding the photographer Just like venues get booked, photographers have busy schedules as well, which can fluctuate with the seasons. Experts say October and May are the most popular months for weddings and recommend finding a photographer once the ceremony and venue locations are booked, about nine months to a year in advance. Knowing the demands of a desired photographer are important as well. As Bill Kovnat of K & K Photography in Cherry Hill points out, if a region has many bar and bat mitzvahs booked two to three years in advance, it’s important to book a desired date as soon as possible. Can couples trust referrals? Though the age of the Internet has helped couples do much of their own research, referrals from family and friends continue to be one way many photographers generate business. Photographers recommend referrals as well as research. Most say it’s good to get recommendations from clients who have worked with the photographer, seen the results and knew their attitude on the big day. Style and personality Most professional photographers have the talent, but it’s important for couples to also find one with similar taste. “Look to see if the style is more traditional, posed shots, or a photojournalistic style, like candids in a newspaper where the photographer is trying to tell the Please continue on Pag1e 16
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Important questions
story of the event,” said Stern. Looking through albums can tell a couple how a photographer works, and it’s important to ask who will be shooting the event. Some places have multiple photographers. Much like a wedding guest or member of the bridal party, the photographer will spend hours with the couple, and should mesh with them. “Following the event, we’re together anywhere from six months to a year,” says Kovnat. Photographers are booked in advance to spend a day with a couple and may stick around to retouch proofs and complete albums. One suggestion Kovnat offers is booking an engagement photography session with a photographer to gauge comfort levels with the individual and to see their work style.
The three Ps of booking a photographer for your wedding are prices, packages and proofs. Studying a package is important to know what services are included and which ones require additional costs. Things like retouching, artistic enhancements, online galleries, working overtime, turn-around time and receiving the photos’ negatives vary with each photographer. Album styles like traditional hardcover albums, story book albums or coffee table books can be priced differently, as can gallery-wrapped canvas prints. Kovnat says it’s important to sit down with a photographer to brainstorm ideas, discuss locations and times and to develop a script and multiple plans to make sure that on your big day the shutter goes off without a hitch.
the makeup
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Bridal makeup tips for a flawless look on the big day “Wedding makeup should be delicate, radiant and fresh. The colors depend on the appearance of the bride, her skin type. Makeup should also blend with the dress and accessories of the bride.”
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he wedding day is one that calls for perfection. The bride must look her best. A photographer will capture her every move, so she wants to make sure her makeup is flawless. No matter your experience, you are wondering whether to count on yourself for the big day or look elsewhere for help. There is one thing to keep in mind - your wedding day is not the day for experimenting. “The wedding day is a big day for the bride and groom, but more so for the bride, in most cases,” said Sheryl Schwartz, image specialist with Studio Twenty-8 in Pensacola, Fla. “A bride wants to look perfect on her wedding day. She wants to be wearing the perfect dress, the perfect shoes, and she wants her makeup to be flawless.” Should your dream wedding makeup be delicate or extravagant? Remember that wedding makeup is aimed at making you more beautiful, not changing you. If you normally don’t wear makeup or your everyday makeup is very delicate, Please continue on Pag1e 18
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this is not the day for extravagance. That wouldn’t be you, and friends and family would notice this fact. The same goes if you are usually seen wearing a lot of makeup. Don’t choose your wedding day to go delicate. Wedding makeup should be delicate, radiant and fresh. The colors depend on the appearance of the bride, her skin type. Makeup should also blend with the dress and accessories of the bride. Dark lipstick usually isn’t a good choice because it tends to make people look older, especially if the lipstick is brown or purple. Don’t be afraid of a “controlled glow.” You will look young and fresh. If you don’t like strong makeup, use a natural or mineral kind. You will still get the color you need but without the heavy feel on your face. Foundation is the key. Choose a good color for your skin, and work from there.
The hair is next “Doing someone’s hair for a wedding is something very special,” said Amy Johns, hair stylist with Studio Twenty-8. “This is such an important day. A bride wants her hair to look perfect for the wedding day. She wants to look great for the wedding photos.” “A bride that has long hair most of the time will want it pulled up and fixed in a special way for her wedding,” Johns said. “Sometimes she will choose to let it all hang down, but especially for the more formal weddings, up is always a great choice for the hairstyle. You can leave some of the hair down and then add some ringlet curls if the hair is straight. And if the hair is already curly, pull some up and let some curl hang down. Some people with short hair choose to add hair extensions so they have longer hair for the big day.” Source: www.wedding.theknot.com
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the budget A dream wedding is afforable Gannett News Service
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irst comes love, then comes engagement, then comes the harsh reality of just how much your wedding is going to cost: an average of $28,082, according to the Brides. com 2009 American Wedding Study. That’s like a new car or an entry-level salary. The dress, the reception hall, the flowers, the cake — it adds up fast. But if you get creative and prioritize (do you really need those expensive orchids?), you can have the wedding of your dreams for less. First, decide what’s most important to you (is it catering and photography?), and then hold back on the less important stuff. Just remember that people do notice the details. “You could incorporate little touches that are so inexpensive — order roses or loose flowers and put them in the bathroom, use frames for place cards. “People think the little details are the best things they’ve ever seen,” says Angela Hall, owner of Out of the Ordinary Special Events based in Rochester. Whether you’ve just gotten engaged or are in the process of finalizing your wedding plans, here’s a guide for planning a wedding on a budget.
Dress of your dreams
After the ring, the first thing that usually pops into any bride-to-be’s mind is finding the dress of her dreams. Don’t fall in love with a dress you can’t afford — there’s a huge selection of gowns that are affordable and beautiful. Dresses can range in styles, from traditional to more unconventional. And more brides are feeling the pinch and looking for alternatives to pricey gowns. If you’re a risktaker, check out all the custom wedding dresses available on Etsy (www. etsy.com) and eBay. “A friend of mine got her dress from a Chinese dressmaker on eBay,” says Shelly Stuart, 26, of Henrietta. “It was custom-made to her measurements and was all of $200, including shipping. Her dress was perfect.”
Bridal savings on your dream Almond Tree Wedding and Event Consignment in Arizona offers the following tips for brides and bridegrooms: • Control your guest list. • Instead of a sit-down meal, serve heavy hors d’oeuvres. • Daytime receptions The music allow for less expensive Hiring a DJ is much less expensive than hiring a live brunch or breakfast meals. band, but how about going with music you’ve already • Print your own invitapaid for? Make a playlist on your iPod and plug it into tions. the stereo system you’ll use. Have your most colorful • Host a one-hour bar. family member or guest make announcements over a • Saturday weddings microphone (you can rent one and a small audio system are popular but expensive. for about $50 from an audio equipment rental store). Choose Friday or Sunday.
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the budget The reception
The flowers
If you’re willing to put in the time, you can make beautiful floral arrangements yourself and for much less than you’d pay if you were to go with a fancy florist. Have an idea of how you want your flowers to look. Enlist your bridesmaids to go to a public market with you to pick out flowers. Spend the day before your wedding or the morning of creating flower arrangements and bouquets. There also are Web sites online where you can order fresh flowers to create DIY arrangements. Sites such as www.theflowerexchange.com, www. fiftyflowers.com and www.flowerbud.com offer affordable prices and free shipping.
Receptions (including the venue, food and drinks) usually account for about 50 percent of your entire budget, and the price per head can range from $15 to $200. If you can’t find a venue that’s in your budget, even after exploring cheaper alternatives such as booking in the winter or anytime other than a Saturday night, another option is to take the rental route — rent everything from the tent to the silverware. Bob Spatola, owner of Spatola’s Party Rental in Rochester, says that for about 150 guests, it would cost $4,952 to rent everything. To host an evening buffet wedding at a hotel ballroom, plan on the cost to at least double. If you were to go with just the basics — a tent, tables, chairs and lighting, he says it would cost about $1,800. With a DIY tent reception, you’ll have to find a caterer. Just don’t skimp on the quality of the food. “People remember the food,” says Spatola. As for drinks, if you’re having your reception at a venue, offer only beer and wine instead of having an open bar. If you’re going the tent route, buy your own alcohol. And instead of buying every spirit and mixer you can think of, serve one or two signature drinks (check out www.stirrings.com). There are also ways to save on the cost of the wedding cake, which can range from $2 to $6 (and up) per slice. Brides and bridegrooms are opting for smaller cakes and supplementing them with much less expensive sheet cakes.
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the budget
Groom’s financial responsibility varies Gannett News Service
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fter the family and friends have gotten to see the engagement ring and the excitement starts to settle, there is a lingering question that emerges from the bride, the groom and, especially, their parents: “How much is this going to cost me?” Often it is automatically assumed the bride and the bride’s family takes on the burden of emptying their pockets for the special day. If you are following tradition, the groom is expected to pay for the bride’s wedding ring, the honeymoon, marriage license, the officiant’s fee, the rehearsal dinner and the groomsmen attire. And an often overlooked expense for the groom is certain floral pieces. This is a way for the groom to honor his bride and the special people in their lives they want to recognize on their wedding day. But it is not uncommon these days to
see a bride and groom paying for their entire wedding themselves or paying a large portion of the bill. Many couples are getting married at older ages and are more financially stable and able to contribute to their wedding. A more modern way of figuring out who pays for what is for the bride and groom to come up with a fairly accurate quote and have their families pick and choose what they would like to contribute. Often the parents of the bride and groom will offer an amount they are willing to spend on the entire wedding. Anything additional the bride and groom may want at their wedding is a cost they will pay for themselves. Another way to split up the bill is into an equal three-way split. The bride and groom pay for a third, the bride’s parents pay for a third and the groom’s parents pay a third. This way the burden of paying for a wedding is spread out.
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the rules A Q&A with the Emily Post institute on etiquette
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f course, something’s bound to go wrong the day of your wedding. The cake your aunt made arrives in a mushy pool. The microphone screeches as your best friend does the reading. The officiate loses your vows and tries to “wing it” from memory. Instead of worrying about the things that might happen, take the time now to avoid the awkward moments you can expect will happen. To help you through some of those tough decisions, we’ve enlisted the help of Emily Post, whose legacy of etiquette and manners live on in her great-greatgranddaughter, Anna Post, and The Emily Post Institute. Anna Post has authored multiple books including, Do I Have to Wear White, published earlier this year, and answered some of the most common questions about wedding faux pas. Question: How do you trim the guest list? Anna: If the guest list is too large you have one of two choices: You can extend your budget or you can limit
your guest list. Ask yourself, ‘Which is more important, keeping to this vision of “my day” or sticking to our budget?’ If money is not negotiable, which is very common these days, look at how the list is divided. You might let the bride and bridegroom chose 50 percent, and their parents the other half. If there are stepparents involved, the pie might be sliced even further. It’s nicer if you can do that beforehand. Q: How do you approach guests that haven’t sent an RSVP? Anna: Call them up and ask. Direct is best, I think, but a kind of direct that doesn’t reveal that they are annoying the pants off you. Try enlisting close friends and family, maybe bridesmaids if they are willing, to help. Plan to make those calls about one week before you really need your final guest list. Q. Is it OK to send first and second rounds of invitations? Anna: I think it’s often more trouble that it’s worth, not just in the form of potential hurt feelings. Send them all at once and expect that about 10 percent will not be able to attend.
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Q. How do you ask for cash instead of gifts, without sounding greedy? Anna: It’s not wrong to ask for it. It’s wrong to demand it. The choice of gift is always up to the person buying it. That said, most people would like to know what’s really useful to you. If that happens to be cash, traditionally information about your registry was given by word of mouth through close family. If you can paint a picture for your guests and maybe not use the word “cash,” tell them that their contribution will help pay for the wedding, or is going toward a down payment on a house or a kitchen remodel so they can see it’s going toward your new lives together. Q. Is it OK to get sponsors or to ask guests to pay to attend? Anna: Absolutely not OK. The one exception is if you made a private arrangement with a photographer or a vendor to use your photos or whatever for their promotional purposes. It’s definitely not OK to put it on the invitation. If money is a concern, cut back on what you are offering. You might not have a full bar, but just champagne. I would also caution against having a cash bar. You’re essentially passing the cost onto your guests who are already paying to travel to your wedding and purchasing gifts. Q, If someone is single, are you obligated to include ‘plus-one’ on the invitation? Anna: It’s OK to say no, so long as this person is not engaged, married, life partnered or living together with a significant other. They are a package deal at that point. If someone asks for an exception, it’s best if you be consistent and say no, but end on a high note of ‘I hope you understand. I hope you can come.’ Q. What do you do if someone shows up uninvited? Anna: This is one of the hardest because to turn someone away at the door is very difficult. At this point they’ve put you in a very tough spot. I think the gracious thing is to make room at a table. Follow up later and say, ‘I appreciate you came, but it made if very difficult for me.’ Q. How does the couple broach the
question, ‘Who’s going to pay for this?’ Anna: It’s common today to have any type of financial mix, especially when family members might be divorced. If the bride and bridegroom know that they need help, it’s best to have these conversations early on. Try to have a loose idea of how large or small the wedding could be and have some possible locations in mind. These conversations can be had in person or over the phone. Q. Who should walk the bride down the aisle if there’s more than one dad in the picture? Anna: This is a tradition that has changed in a beautiful and appropriate way. Anyone can do this now. Her biological dad might not fit in her life anymore. Or it might be that her stepfather walks her down the aisle and her biological dad gets the first dance. A lovely way to show that today, it’s not just a dad giving his daughter away, is to have all the families and children stand up and say ‘we do.’