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A Tiger A Dinosaur and A Bubblegum Sandwich
"A Classic Tale of Tall Order"
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Copyright Š 2010 by Tuesday Greenidge All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the Author Tuesday Greenidge@gmail.com 2nd edition 2013 1st edition 2009
A Tiger A Dinosaur and A Bubblegum Sandwich
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Contents
Part 1 Chapter 1.....pg 5-7 Chapter 2......pg 7-9 Chapter 3......pg 9-12 Chapter 4......pg 12-14
Part 2
After Party ......pg14 Chapter 1..... pg 15-16 Chapter 2......pg 16-18 Chapter 3......pg 18-19 Chapter 4......pg 19-20 Chapter 5......pg 20-21 Chapter 6......pg 21-22 Chapter 7......pg 22-23
Epilogue Morning After pg 24-25
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Acknowledgement Ingrid my very special cousin Thank you for your kind warming support, insight, knowledge and professionalism.
Dedication To my ador-a-bubble Grandson Tai Odeci Greenidge my dear Tai, I wrote this story for you, in the hope that we continue to share and enjoy all manifestations of our creative imaginings- where we will find joy, pleasure, love, sorrow, fun, peace, solitude, grief and enlightenment. We were on all fours you were 2 a cub at play, whilst in a tree, at meal and rest times, and at 4 running 1500 metres with a powerful stride. One is never too old for stories so if you don't get to read it for yourself, you can read it to my great grandchildren one day and perhaps read it to me and tell me what you think when that time comes.
Love GanGan
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1 Once upon a time, and not so long ago, over the mountains and far, far away, I met a Tiger named Tai who lived close to the sky. It was on one of those days, when I didn’t know what to do with myself. Like one of those days when the weather doesn’t know what it wants to do, rain or shine or both. It was an and-or-day. Watch a Dvd and play with my snakes and cat Titch, or walk Norman the iguana round the garden and collect eggs from Jerk and Tikka, my chickens. Or should I lay around idly listening to music online, and perhaps remain laid out, twiddling and chewing bubblegum and watching T.v. Or just ride a rainbow!. Now all my comrades (animals that shared my home) were all in the living room they may as well watch it with me. Just like we normally did when I was trying to decide what to do with my time spent indoors. I had so much time to kill, so to speak. Trapped in. It was one of those days when I was grounded. Yep. House-bound, under house-arrest, so to speak. This was now beginning to become routine, grounded for something or other. It was also one of those I-feel-like-an-adventure-days. Although nothing like the so called big adventure day that the school had planned. The trip to the city zoo. The one I had sabotaged. There were several reasons, for doing so, mind you. Firstly I was acting out, in support for Animals. I opposed the fact that the animals at the zoo have to be viewed like objects, whilst stuck in confined surroundings, while we stood in the wide open area. It was no fun, for them nor us, it made me sad. Secondly money raised through fast and hard fundraising efforts was going to fund our class, to just stand and watch animals. I felt the funds could have been better spent. Thirdly the majority of the kids in the class didn’t want to go. Lastly the plight concerning animals in captivation was being ignored. It was going unnoticed and could not go on any longer. I wanted to stand up, take a stand, so to speak. My aim was to put all those concerned out of their misery. By stopping the staring–at-you-looking-at-me scenario between the animals and visitors. I felt that it was high-time to take action. I made myself busy with a-z plans, to put a stop to it, and after exhausting numerous ideas I thought it also high time, that I would put a so called myth to the
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test. The one, where one, could use common ingredients like bananas and sugar. Apparently this mixture would slow down a moving vehicle (this case the school bus) to an eventual stop. Why not, I thought, whenever would I get such an opportunity, if the myth is busted, and it fails, I had thought about a back -up plan. I would initiate a sit- in, a-sit-down situation, this case sit-down-outside-in the school parking yard and block the entrance sit-uation. It was Friday morning the day of the school trip, the big day, the so called big- adventure-day. I suddenly had a flash-back, hearing ‘’B.A.D as in good’’. I remembered Miss so-on-so chuckling as she read aloud the abbreviated slogan on the poster. Both she and Mr Ali exchanging a form of urban sign language, they gave each other a high 5 and proceeded to hang the poster on the wall and tell us about us being their targeted market (In- not- so- many- words) we being the chosen ones so to speak. We sat and listened to how the day would all play out. This morning I was honestly having trouble understanding how B.A.D could mean good in this particular case, that is. There was no believing this ploy, I would sooner understand the abbreviation to mean bad as in bad ….and this big adventure day was going to be a bad B.A.D as in bad is horrible bad, and now the B.A.D was going ahead as we speak. Good b.a.d I turned up in a gorilla costume. The teachers and pupils thought it hilarious, watching me as I played out my part, over- acting. ’as I banged my fists against my chest. Expecting the rest of my plans to follow. ‘ Not quite appropriate’. Mr Ali the Form teacher had remarked stating that it would be more appropriate for our annual school charity event. But if I insisted, in all fairness, as far as he was concerned individuality, equality and all that. Sir waved me on, thus allowing me to continue on acting my role. I was’ expressive’. I could hear him answering the why questions coming out of the queue for morning register. Little did they know this was all a decoy, along with the provisions I was carrying. As my big plan between a-z started to unfold, I was moving along the queue and heard “'Tai, I don’t think it’s a good idea to feed the animals sugar. Bananas, great”, Mr Ali exclaimed, and as a precaution he confiscated the 2lb bag of sugar I was carrying. While he went to put it into the safety deposit lockup in his desk. As I’d hoped he would. I went ahead and stuffed up the rear-end of the bus by feeding the bananas into the exhaust pipe and in its side-tank fed it the 2lb bag of sugar that I’d stashed in my costume. I was desperate to test another one of my pranks at the same time for equal measure, just to be sure of making a lasting effect. So I added an extra ingredient; a mass of ready chewed bubblegum which I’d previously got all the kids to contribute. The whole class was also now in agreement to’ sit down, and take a seat’ in a peaceful protest against all unfair treatment of Fem-ani-mals and ani-males (a term I coined, for all female and male creatures) in my efforts to persuade others to support this cause. Anxiously but excitedly I took my seat at the rear-end of the bus. The school caretaker ‘Fix’ warmed up the old banger by revving up the old engine .Satisfied that the noise coming out of the
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engine sounded fine he proceeded to drive. We proceeded to take out our lunch boxes and eat our sandwiches while Fix headed into the city. Then suddenly it happened. The bus slowed down.….there was a lot of shshshshhhh shooshing and gurgling sounds coming out of its rear. Unbelievable I thought with great relief a plan somewhere between a-z was actually working and in real-time. Pop, pop, fart, fart, blast, blast, bang, I could see the bubblegum bubbling out of the exhaust pipe and hundreds of pink sticky bubbles blasting everywhere, floating off and bursting into gloopy gum patches. On landing they left a rather convenient sticky trail behind us. Which just happened to cause a continuous tail –back as we made our way through the crowded streets to the city zoo. I made a note to myself that when given the opportunity to. I would like to apologise to all those inconvenienced by the traffic and say a big thank you to all those who joined the convoy participating without voice to support the peaceful protest. I must thank you all for shutting up and keeping quiet…..while you partied, sharing tea and sandwiches. In silence, especially difficult with huge ballooning bubblegum bubbles around. Plan a-b was working before our very eyes. The myth did not bust, it turned out to be true. I’d actually succeeded in turning the bus into a slow- stopping- silent fart –blasting, bubblegum bubble making, protest machine. Travelling at the speed of a snail, our party of pupils journeyed to the zoo in slow motion, fart blasting bubblegum bubbles out into the air. What a party. It was all so totally hilariously good fun, When we arrived dead on closing time so-to-speak there was a sudden release, loud bursts of laughter all around. The whole plan from a-z worked like a dream. This made my day. A deed-welldone-day. And an I- feel –smug- I feel on-top-of-the world- not- so-bad-day, and a good- is- badbad- is- good- kinda- day.
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It was Saturday. Pocket money day. Hanging-out-in-town. Pranking-about-with-mate’s-day. Stayingup-watching-movies-till-late-day. Sleepover-with-cupcakes-crisps–and-pop-day. Hang-loose-untidyin-jeans t-shirt-no-tie-day. It was also now a stuck-in-day, a-can’t-believe-its-happening-to-meagain-day. I’d only got released from home arrest just 2 Saturdays ago. The first arrest, all I did to cause it, was to put a whoopee cushion on the Lord's Mayor’s wife’s chair. It was the day they visited the school to donate a second hand very old looking vehicle, they called a bus. It had been hand painted in bottle green with a broad black painted band around its middle. This didn’t disguise it. It still looked so very much like an old ambulance. It was now going to be our school transport. It was going to make big changes to our school lives they told us. Sure I thought as the whole class sang in our best make believe, we-were-all-sincerelygrateful-that-we-had-received-this kind-donation-from-such-visiting-dignitaries voices. 7
Meanwhile I was already dreading the pupils from the area seeing us in it. Those from better equipped schools with authentic school buses. Other schools did hold increasingly better fund raising opportunities. I just sat there staring into nowhere, guffawing. I was not going to be seen in that heap of junk, call it what you like. This I could never live down.
Saturday was moving painfully slow indoors. Laughing aloud and still feeling smug about stopping the school trip to the zoo. I was ecstatic, ‘’I thought I was actively protesting in support for animal rights.” I told Mr kingh, the Headmaster, when I was summoned to his office. ”A peaceful protest”, I remembered hearing you state in your last assembly address Sir . "If you or anyone else feels strongly towards a cause, feel free to". You told us. ‘Yes Boy’ that is exactly what I said’’ said, Sir. No-one said a word Sir and the blasts were muffled, the bananas made sure of that. The protest was totally silent…peaceful and in slow motion. A real-time moment when every-day-to-day-stuff stopped; including the engine. “Oh that’s all very well”, I’d thought at the time. I’d seen and heard enough about peaceful protest marches. Like the Freedom to party protest’s in the late 80’s my Grandma told me she went on, or more recently the Stop the War march. The protest that attracted the biggest numbers in London yet. But still the Prime Minister ignored the peaceful protest and responded by upsetting peace in another part of the world. I felt that I had successfully initiated and carried out a peaceful protest by creating a silent fart-blasting bubblegum, bubble, making, protest machine. No harm was done to any human beings; admittedly it wasn’t just our school that arrived too late. I didn’t take into account that the bursting bubbles would land, and make the road sticky, or that vehicles would get stuck in traffic, which was normal. I couldn’t see what was the problem? I was puzzled. And why on earth did an incident that happened at school result in me being imprisoned at home. Why? for how long? ‘Was it my fault that the myth buster clip on YouTube, didn’t have a “DO NOT TRY THIS AT SCHOOL ” warning sign’? ’No’. Although the sign did say ‘DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME’. It all seemed a neither here nor there situation, so to speak. I was now waiting until Monday morning when I would have to attend the Headmaster's office to await the outcome of my actions. Meanwhile my mates at school were all in support of my actions and were busy keeping me up to date via internet plus the school (intranet)and In this case the- chinese- whisper- gossip machine in and around our school, and other local schools in our community. Apparently word has it that words being said out there were words of praise for such an act of brilliance. The Youtube clip of the school bus fart- blasting bubbles out of its rear end was now receiving thousands of hits and gone viral. I was becoming famous. I continued to click play-back to the scene where I was dressed in a gorilla suit chomping on bananas, while I pranked about on top of the school bus.
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All of a sudden I heard the letterbox flip open and shut. I ran to the door and saw a multi coloured envelope, shining on the mat. I wondered who it could be for. I picked it up, it didn’t appear to have any name or address on it. I wondered for a moment. It wasn’t Christmas, it wasn’t my birthday and I wasn’t expecting a thank you card from anybody. And I was quite sure that the Headmaster wouldn’t send a 'you’re expelled' letter to my home in such a multi- coloured envelope. So I opened it. Inside was a multi-coloured piece of paper which read ‘DON’T FORGET MY PARTY’ I DO HOPE YOU HAVE REMEMBERED! LOVE, ME. PARTY! I read over and over but WHERE? WHEN? And DON'T FORGET! REMEMBER! AND WHO'S ME? I had forgotten and I didn’t remember. I threw open the front door hoping to catch the Postman, to ask him if he had any idea who could have sent it, or if he had delivered it to the right house. But instead of seeing the Postman, leaning against the gate was the most dynamic bike I had ever seen. I stood at the door wondering how exciting it would feel to ride it. Alone, indoors, with no-one to tell me to get back in, I approached it. Now thinking this surely had to be a mistake. But it didn’t stop me from wanting to get on this incredible-looking thing. So I did just that. On I climbed and sat holding onto the light touch handlebars. I noticed a sticky note stuck to the hooter, I was just about to toot. The note read THIS IS FOR YOU! I wondered, 'for you’! That’s me! So I put both feet on the pedals and manouvered round the garden and up the path. Wondering what it would feel like to go fast. I without further ado leant over, flung open the gate, and went to head out but not before grabbing a quick bite to eat I returned indoors to collect a sandwich. Off out on a cruise ride and accelerating with no idea where I was going, I was off speeding past gardens, gates, trees, houses, dog,cats and postmen. The wheels silently spinning at speeds outside limits. I tooted the hooter, BAZOOOOOOOOKA WEEEEEEEE I yelled what a smooth, fast cooooool ride. The sun did decide to come out, and so did the breeze. I felt it in my hair as I was cycling along, out of the town, gliding up over the buildings and up over hills. I felt on- top-of-the-world.... did I say ON–TOP-OF-THE-WORLD!!! Because just at that moment I saw a sign that read ‘ON-TOP-OF-THE-WORLD’, I looked down and yep that is exactly where I was, above everything and everyone high up somewhere close to the sky, on a path that wound round and round helter skeltering somewhere, somehow. It was at this point that I must have thrown a bubblegum into my mouth, chewing and chewing blowing and blowing I blew the most biggest bubble on record yet, it covered my face, it covered my head, it just kept getting bigger and bigger, as I held on tight to it with my front teeth, I found myself floating way up high. I saw yet another sign that said OVER THE MOUNTAINS FLY FLY FLY.
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I peddled some more, chewed some more, blew some more, and flew some more until I saw another sign that read 'YOU ARE HERE’. Then just as I was wondering where was 'HERE', I began to slowly slide down, gliding, down, round and round, and slowing to a halt to what felt like the bottom. I had landed. My bubble had burst..... Not with a bang mind, but more like a shshsh all over me, wrapping me up in its pink sugary sweet smelling sticky gloop. I bounced and bounced. I couldn’t even see, feel or find out where I was, I was stuck. I pulled at the gloopy gum that had covered my ears, nose and eyes. Peering through the gloop, right in front of me I could see a pair of ginormous, sparkling green eyes peering back at me. Tugging away at the gum I pulled it away from my eyes, along with what felt like my eyebrows. There in front of me was the most wondrous of all animals I have ever seen. It was staring straight at me with smiling eyes. Its long eyelashes fluttering in wonder at me. It stuck out its long, pink tongue and began licking me, tickling me and enjoying the sugary taste of me, made me burst out into fits of laughter. Its tongue was turning me over and over until all the gum was gone and I had become unstuck. I stood up when I noticed how big this animal was, with its massive head, eyes, mouth and nose towering above me, looking, sniffing, and teasing me with its very slippery pink tongue which had now made me very wet. I stood peering up at it; not quite sure whether to run or crawl into a little ball, though not because I was afraid, but because I was getting so wet sat in a sugary puddle of saliva. I could see that this enormous head was now attached to the longest neck ever, that lead to a gargantuan body, bluish in colour with bright pink patches, kind of like the patches you would see on a cow. Yes, I guess it looked a little like a blue and pink cow. I couldn’t see the rest of it from where I was standing. Its licking had stopped and now it was grinning a wide gummy smile. I grinned back not quite sure what it was I was smiling at now, but my mind was telling me that I had never ever seen such a funny-looking animal anywhere - not in the zoo, not in any of my animal books, not even in the tallest-smallest section of my Guinness book of world records. how I wondered....then suddenly it reached out for me, extra long finger-like tendrils began to tickle me again, I fell about laughing as each finger like tendril tickled me under my arms and behind my ears and feet. 4 Just when I thought I would die of laughter, I heard a loud trumpet or was it a trombone? Trumpety trump trump trump, trumpety trump trump trump, di-dah-di-dah di- di- di –dah- di- dah, it went, and it startled us both. It, He, She, the Animal, that is - suddenly gripped the back of my t-shirt with its long multi coloured fingernails, and literally slung me over and up, propping me onto the tip of it's extremely long, tail, which I hadn’t even noticed yet, and before I knew it, It flipped its tail up so quickly I somersaulted and landed on top of a huge pink furry patch on the top of it's back. I gripped onto the teddy-bear-like fur and hung on for dear life, while it galloped clumsily towards the sounds. It was hilarious and it reminded me of the time that I rode on a camel at the zoo.
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Humpety hump, bump bump, bumpety bump bump bump - my body jumped jumped jumped up and down from side to side backwards and forwards, it gave me the giggles as It thumped thumped thumped across the land. What a cooooool bumpy ride…..I felt On-Top-Of-The-World. We trampled over everything that came in our way bypassing all creatures great and small; all shapes colours and sizes tiny and tall. We crossed rivers up and down hills through a forest, where ‘It’ as I had decided to call it decided to stop to eat berries of all types, shapes, sizes, and colours of red blue, purple and black. Merry berries showering me with juices that squirted out in all directions. I got drenched. Then we passed through a lemon, lime and orange grove and I got giddy by the bitter sweet tangy cocktail of flavours. I saw more ‘Its’. They greeted each other with big sloppy lip-smacking kisses. Fortunately they didn’t notice me tucked down inside the pink furry patch on the top of Its back - I didn’t feel like being sucked up in big juicy kisses, yuck. Suddenly It turned to me and said ‘you don’t like to be kissed? I was flabbergasted, how on earth did he know. Did he have eyes in the back of his head and see me pucker my face when I watched them kissing?. I must have said yuck out loud I guess. I answered “Oh no”, I said, “ it’s just that you took me by surprise by talking, I didn’t expect you to talk”. “Oh yes we do a lot of things like you do”, said It “Like the kissing’’ I said “Similar. We pass on information by kissing. It’s all in the taste.” “What on earth for, when we can talk. That is so disgusting, I thought out loud “And why on earth would you think that kissing is disgusting”. Said It. Tastes and flavours are not always easy to describe. Flavours hold memories. I’m sure you have experienced tasting something or wanting to taste something that reminds you of another time or place. Lets just say like your granny’s apple pie. Or something awful tasting that we all have our own way of describing. You know like gnats pee, or cow dung, or sweaty socks. I’m sure you didn’t eat that awful something; but rather you imagined it tasted like; the thought of it. Err excuse me did I say something. I said out loud Err no but you thought it. Said It Pardon what was that, you’re so sticky you're’ sticking to my fur and you would like to wash off. I do apologize. Let me. Before I could answer It stepped forward into the lake, leaned forward and pushed me from behind with its long tail, all the way down its long neck into the lake. It and I both swam around enjoying the cool water for a moment then laid on the bank and dried ourselves out in the sunshine. It was then whilst thinking about It and his conversations with my mind that I remembered that maybe I had seen an It before. Just as I was about to talk to It about it he suddenly asked me a question. “What’s a museum?” I was bewildered I realized that It was reading my mind. Totally un-think-a-bubble. I thought. “Did you say un-think- a- bubble”? Asked It “Yes un-think-a-bubble. I said “I can see think bubbles.” It said pointing to the new ones I was releasing above my head. And you can not un-think -a -bubble!. A thought bubble that is. Oh I said. Thinking hard. I continued 11
Well it’s like a zoo, but not. Do you see! It watched me intently; it was like It was watching a screen while staring into my eyes and out above my head. As it read my thought bubbles. It nodded as I conjured up images of the zoo. The difference is, in the museum the animals are dead, all that’s left are their dried out features. And sometimes for an additional attraction their bones are animated as if they were puppets. I watched a big tear trickle and fall from Its eye. I also felt one slip from mine as I thought about all the animals still stuck in the zoo. They were no better off. The how’s, where’s, why, thoughts filled my mind. It suddenly occurred to me that sabotaging the school trip by turning the school bus into a bubblegum bubble making machine and making it stop to a halt dead on closing time hadn’t actually achieved nearly as much as I wanted it to, which was to eventually free the animals?. By stopping the attendance of visitors. Besides other students from better equipped schools in there better transport would still go. It was becoming clear somewhat, that the aggressive action I’d taken was misdirected and ill thought out after all. Ok I had become famous. Moreover infamous on Twitter, Youtube, and Facebook but for what. It was all in vain. It looked puzzled. I was lost in thought as streaming tears of great sorrow wetted my face. I had failed to stop the animals in the zoo from being incarcerated against their wills. It started to cry buckets again, soaking me; we looked at each other through our pools of tears. It spoke. “We Its come from Wonder where, we have colourful camouflages to hide amongst contemporary places, people and things. Most people don’t see us as they pass by. They laugh as they believe that we don’t exist. They think we are not real. We are like the mascots you see at a football match these days, you know like the people collecting money for charities in fancy dress or horse/gorilla suits or huge teddy bears. You see them walking around shopping centres also. That’s why you thought I looked like a blue cow with pink teddy bear like fur patches. I did, but how did you. Oh I’ve been around long enough to see a look in someone’s minds eye, so to speak as you might add. A look that tells me ‘you look like a blue cow with pink teddy bear like fur patches. Inedible lets just say. Something you can’t eat. Said It. Did you say in-edi-bubble? It started to laugh Inedi- what- a- ble In-edi- bubble. You see this I said blowing a bubble, it’s the stuff you enjoyed licking off me when I landed. Well it’s so love-a-bubble I like it so much that I end my words with bubble, I round off all words that have a ‘ble’ that sounds or ryhm like ball at the end. Or I just add it where I feel like it. “Try some I said as I handed It a few pieces of bubblegum. ”You just chew”. But I don’t have any teeth, just gums; It smiled its best gummy smile that stretched across its entire face. Well that’s perfect because you don’t need teeth to start chomping on this stuff. Go on pop a few in your mouth. They soften after you suck them long enough. It began smacking his gums together with great force. It made clapping sounds as it sucked the bubblegum. It was
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trying not to swallow it before attempting to blow bubbles and was soon lost in the sweet sugary taste again. I rolled around with laughter; you will learn, don’t worry. Now try to spurt out some words rounding them off with a- bubble. Wonderful-a-ble….wonderful-a-bubble It said getting tongue tied. Have I got it? You’ve got it. Abso-bubble-lutely, wonder-bubble-full see you can even put the bubble in the middle anywhere you like in fact including the start and the finish….It was in hysterics. It picked me up with his finger-like-tendrils and threw me up onto the mound of soft pink fur on its back and we continued on our journey, catching up with the other Its, and animals of all shapes, colors, and sizes. Seemingly we were all heading in the same direction, towards the sounds that were becoming louder and louder, as we got closer to the edge of the Grove. Coming out of the Grove just ahead of us between two great hills was the hugest most magnificent red and white Big Top. It was surrounded by other tents, still huge but not as huge as the Big Top. The valley was filled with them as well as the hill-side. I could see enormous inflatable balloons of all shapes, colors and sizes, just floating and bouncing freely across the land. The sky was also filled with multi colored air balloons, again they came in all shapes, colors and sizes. Then I saw a large colorful air ship. Trailing behind it was a huge banner that read ‘YOU CAME, THANKYOU, WELCOME ALL. GREAT,SMALL, THIN, FAT, TINY, AND TALL. HAVE FUN LET’S HAVE A BALL’. I was astonished at the sights up and down and all around me. The sounds of us all, great herds of us on our way to Part…ay. The music, the laughter and the joy amongst us was excite-a-bubble. I reached for the balloons as we went bounding ahead. I popped another gum into my mouth, in fact I threw five pieces into my mouth all differing in colour but not size or shape. Well, everything else that was happening around me was so harmlessly ‘Extra’, why not, I thought, going for it. It was to be my record number so far. My mouth was so full I was slobbering whilst I chewed away at the hard sugary layers. I was heading towards copious amounts of harmless fun weeheee Bazooka- fantastically Un-believe-abubble. I chomped and chewed and blew, big bright bazooking bubbles that smacked my face as they burst. We had arrived in the Valley of Tents, where there was feasting, dancing and playing all around and above us. I was feeling most ecstatic seeing, hearing and smelling. We made our way through the carnival crowds towards the Big Top, following a procession of jugglers flame throwers, acrobats and bands that played drums, trumpets, flutes, tambourines, tubas and symbols. There I was, stood up on the pink furry patch on It. I was now dancing and waving my arms and blowing the biggest multi-coloured bubbles I had ever blown. I still had loads left after sticking a piece on the bottom of each of my shoes, to tack me down to the pink furry patch on top of It. We followed the procession parading into the Big Top; neither of us had to duck down to get in it was so, so big. Every one of us jovial spirits were happily enjoying an abundance of festivities drinks and eats of brightly-coloured cakes and fruits of all shapes and sizes; tangy, sweet, sugary, and creamy. Heaps of every kind of sandwich you could imagine it was truly ‘something else’. 13
I looked over and there in the distance of the Big Top I could see a waterfall so tall it was magnificent; I was mesmerized watching the showering water fall into lush blue water pools. The sunlight that shone through the see-through top was reflecting off the water, forming rainbows everywhere; this, along with reflections coming from the incredible diamond chandeliers that decorated the whole Big Top, hung over us like great bunches of fruits. Shimmering droplets and glinting icicles sent darting rainbow sparkles all about us. The whole place was full of beautiful flowers and plants of all sizes, shapes and smells. The sight was a multitude of extraordinary magnificence, I was in awe. 5 Suddenly we heard the most beautiful sounds ever - a mixture of bells, pan flutes, chimes and horns. I looked up towards the waterfall and there above, for all to see, was THE, I must stress with capital letters, THE most spectacular sight of all. I was speechless, dumbstruck. There sat above us all was a Tiger, not just a Tiger but the most beautifully multi-coloured regal looking Tiger. Everything stopped, we were all dumbfounded, all a-gasp in wonderment. His markings were the most stunning of all patterns, his eyes alight were a bright yellowish green. 'Spectacular!' I whispered aloud. I could see and feel his presence in strength in mind body and spirit. It was HE, the ME, that had sent me the invite, I knew this much. He was crowned in a glorious glow that seemed to draw me towards him. My eyes were locked onto him, I was astonished. I hadn’t noticed the bubble forming from out of my mouth, it was growing bigger and bigger so big and so strong, the multi-coloured gum stretching so much that it had become transparent like a rainbow soap bubble. As I watched the Tiger through it, I hadn’t realized that my feet had now become unstuck and I was being lifted up above It, floating and gravitating towards the top of the waterfall. I could see all eyes of all shapes, colours and sizes looking at me, including the Tiger's. I held on tightly with my teeth, but I could feel I was losing grip, when suddenly the bubble swallowed me up so to speak, sealing itself around me, I was now inside of it. I could see the Tiger appear to be amused as I came towards him. As I got closer to him, he blew the bubble. I was blown higher and higher. As I came floating back down, he blew some more, hurtling me round and round. I was bouncing and somersaulting inside. He blew me up and above over the heads of all the others. They blew me backwards and forwards all over the Big Top, it was clearly turning into a game. I could see that I was amusing the whole of the Big Top; we were all in fits of laughter including the Tiger. I drifted back towards him. I could see the size of his big teeth in his massive mouth while he rolled about on his back laughing, when suddenly he struck out with one of his big paws with sharp claws and BANG!!!*** I was free-falling way down, down into the waterfall way down into its bubbling deep blue pool, sinking down deep towards the bottom. All I remember was seeing above me through the clear water one big enormous giant of a Tiger hurtling in after me, paws spread-eagled. The next I knew I was being dragged out between a huge set of sharp teeth. He pulled me to a quiet place behind the waterfall he pawed me gently, nuzzling me with his wet nose, his whiskers 14
tickled me. I opened my eyes to see the Tiger's eyes staring down at me with great concern; all I could do was just lie there. I could see that I was in his den. It was filled with trees covered in delicate leaves of all shapes and sizes. On them dangled wind chimes that chimed quietly in the background. Moss covered the interior from top to bottom I could feel its soft texture underneath me. I heard the slow ripples of a stream close by. Passion flowers, lillies and orchids growing from the rock fall. The whole place echoed with the most beautiful sounds. It was enchanting bliss. I watched him put his paw on my stomach and gently push. All of a sudden I released a burst of water spraying the Tiger. He didn’t seem to mind. He pushed some more and some more, and then followed a very large lumpy mass of bubblegum. Immediately we both burst into laughter. In the background we could hear that our laughter had spread - we heard the whole of the Big Top filled with the great sound of laughter more than most of us had done in a long once-upon-a-time-ago. The Tiger roaring with laughter stopped to introduce himself to me. TAI is the name, but you can call me TAITAIGER all caps for (long!).We both fell about laughing again. I reached inside my deep pockets and pulled out some more bubblegum handing it to Taitaiger 'yum-yummm’ he said SOMETHING I CAN SINK MY TEETH INTO' said TAITAIGER. He threw some in between some nam bread and declared bubblegum sandwiches for all. Then he said ‘THIS HAS BEEN THE BESTEST PARTY EVER’,I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG TO HAVE A GOOD LAUGH THANK YOU FORBEING HERE, THERE, EVERYWHERE, MY FOREVER BESTEST LOVE-A-BUBBLIEST FRIENDS LOVE ME. We laughed some more and some more. We rolled over onto our backs and laid there just blowing bubbles. I must have fallen asleep whilst twiddling his whiskers, because I awoke to hear a faint whisper in my ear, it was TAITAIGER telling me. TURNOVER THE AFTER PARTY FOLLOWS.
15
The After Party
5 It was dark in the den, apart from the fireflies glowing around the cave. I turned over, opening my eyes wider. TAITAIGER was grinning from ear to ear, I sat up. To my surprise, behind him was a vast opening. Getting up I could now see was a colossal glass window that exposed the night sky filled with twinkling stars. When suddenly a massive explosion of fireworks, of all colors, sizes and shapes, like moonbeams, comets, and shooting stars, lit up the whole of the sky and the whole of the den. I was yet again a-
16
gasp. TAITAIGER walked over to the window, pushed a button and the whole window began to move upwards. COME he told me COME. I followed him over towards the edge of the cave, reaching for the fur on his neck. Behold me; we were now stood looking down at what appeared to be the whole wide world. I had to pinch myself to feel that I was awake and not dreaming. I was truly now ON-TOP-OF-THE-WORLD. TAITAIGER laughed COME, COME, AND SEE Taiger with a little a. DOWN THERE AND ALL AROUND US IS THE KINGDOM. It looked like a great big globe, the type where all the countries are coloured in different shapes and sizes. SEE LOOK THERE IS AFRICA, AMERICA, ASIA, EUROPE AND THE UNITED KINGDOM, WHERE YOU ARRIVED FROM. LOOK he pointed over to a multi-coloured stream of movement, over yonder in the sky. THAT’S THE SUPER HIGHWAY THAT YOU ARRIVED ON. I couldn't speak. TAITAIGER. spoke. “YOU ARE WONDERING HOW YOU CAME TO BE...HERE YES, WITH ME.” Yyesss I said. “OH EASY” he said. “I GOOGLED YOU”. Oh I said, that easily, oh right, of course. Now I was confused. I stood staring out, and staring into TAITAIGER’S big bright eyes that now dazzled with the reflections of the fireworks that were apparently coming out of China, he told me. “I CAN SEE THAT YOU HAVE A ZILLION QUESTIONS Taiger with a little a. LET ME TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE A LIFE-TIME TO DO SO, BUT IN THE MEANTIME, ANYTIME THAT YOUR QUESTIONS ARE ABOUT THE WORLD he said pointing outwards, OR ANYTHING IN IT THAT IS, JUST ASK? OR GOOGLE IT, YOU WILL BE SURPRISED AT THE ANSWERS THAT CYBERSPACE THROWS OUT. YOU WILL ALSO BE ABLE TO CONTACT ME, IM ONLINE TOO www.taitaigergreenidge.blogspot.com (low caps) OR SEND ME EMAIL DIRECTLY TO taitaigergreenidge@googlemail.com.YOU CAN REACH ME FROM ALMOST ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. He said again pointing down to the globe. Oh TAITAIGER you truly are the greatest of all, I said. NOT QUITE he said... WORDS ARE POWERFUL EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM AND CAN BE USED TO MEAN ALL SORTS OF DIFFERENT THINGS. USE THEM WISELY, AND ALWAYS BE SURE TO USE KIND ONES. USE TRUE ONES, TRUE TO YOUR WORDS. FOREVER CAREFUL TO MAKE YOUR NO’S NO, AND YOUR YES’S YES, BE CAREFUL NOT TO SAY ONE THING AND MEAN ANOTHER. REMEMBER THIS, AND DON’T FORGET. SO BE IT. Suddenly I heard myself saying TAITAIGER‘I love you’. With that he hugged me into his deep fur, and told me YOU GOT IT BRO’. THE MAGIC 3 WORDS, THEY WILL TAKE YOU FAR, FAR IN YOUR LIFE. COME NOW Taiger with a little a. I MUST MAKE AN ADDRESS TO THE ANIMALS OF THE WORLD. 6 There was a lot of hushing. TAITAIGER spoke
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“Thank you all for coming, I understand that most of you who have come to join this protest against Mankind, will be at a great risk to your lives. Especially for those of us who have been in hiding. I speak to you all as a legion militant and ready for war. I speak as one to many. This means that many of our kind will only hear about our precise plans of action 3rd 4th 5th even 10th hand. So we are all responsible for the details that may get lost. Take heed, information is collateral. The divide between Information rich and information poor is getting bigger. We will fight for our cause, we will no longer tolerate the unfairness that we have all been subjected to, and we will take action now or never. We will share this kingdom and claim back our fair share of it, our way. The only way. Fight not flight. No longer will we hide away for centuries in fear of our lives. If we die. We die fighting. Not fleeing. You have all been invited here to play your part. You have come from every corner of the planet. A meeting of minds, talents, might and strengths. It has taken each of you courage to stand here and represent your kind. It is because of this almighty show, that we will win battles to win this war using our instinctive natures. Which is to kill or be killed. The food chain has been rapidly changing and it’s not to our benefit KILL, KILL, KILL all MANKIND. I started to feel uneasy, when all of a sudden TAITAIGER roared a ferocious call to kill and the rest of the animals followed with screeches, screams, squawks, roars, barks, wails, and rages. Tempers were flying. I thought I would be eaten alive. I was in a fit of sweats. “Erm TAITAIGER” all mankind except me, yes? I asked trembling. I couldn’t believe the fear that I felt, my legs turned to jelly, my stomach felt sick, the pounding in my head hurt, I could hardly focus, I felt every emotion imaginable I felt confused, scared, weak, sad. But alert and anxious, most of all I could feel my anger rise, I was suddenly mad with rage. I had been fooled. I didn’t wait for him to answer. ‘’You mean to say you invited me hear to listen to this’’. I shouted ‘’Do you really believe what you are saying? You invited me here to be killed by these animals. Well I have one more thing to say about this. I’m off. Out of here. Later’’. I didn’t know which way to turn I realized once I’d said it. The animals were all so fierce and hungry for a kill. I was now running to the back of the cave, trying to get away, but to where?. All about me were the animals that I’d danced, laughed, ate and partied with, they were now all against me. My kind. Humankind. TAITAIGER turned to me. If you leave now I cannot protect you. I need you, you need me. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours as you would say. No. I would say you’re abso-bubbly-lutley bazooking bonkers. If you think I’m going to stand by while you plan to kill mankind. I would rather choose to die, I will die fighting also, fighting my way out of here in protest against this lunacy. The Tiger roared in my face almost knocking me over with fear, I’d now made him more mad. 18
One more thing TAITAIGER before you make a dinner out of me, hear me out. Noooooo, he roared. I stood fearless, adrenaline had kicked in. Yeeeees I roared. Our eyes locked onto each other. ‘ My one dying wish before your meal TAITAIGER one more word, give me one more word’. TAITAIGER spoke “Speak now, one word, or forever hold your tongue young man’’. My mind was racing. He was letting me speak. But I was only trying to stall him like they did in the movies, all that one dying wish stuff. Last rites stuff. Now I was really stuck, stuck for one word because that was all I’d begged for and he now granted me. Now what, I thought. Last rites stuff!. Fumbling nervously into my pocket I pulled out a few bubblegums and threw them into my mouth. While I did so, I decided I would jump into the waterfall, take my chances or leap out into the mosh pit of animal’s rock n roll style and let them tear me to pieces. Still searching my mind for one word. ‘RIGHT’ that’s it. I yelled ‘RIGHT’ ‘’WRITE WHAT’’. TAITAIGER roared. He was vexed. MY, RIGHT. YOUR, RIGHT. HUMAN RIGHTS. ANIMAL RIGHTS. The right to fair treatment for all, to treat or think of fairly, the thing one is entitled to, equality of men and animals alike, law abiding of a person, animal, life and action. Before I arrived here I took action in defence for animal rights. I too was proactive I turned the schools bus into a slow-motion, silent-fart-blasting- bubblegum-bubble-making, protest machine… all to prevent children in my class going to stand and stare at the animals in the zoo. The animals made the most ferocious of sounds in the background I could feel the hostility at the mention of a zoo. Shouting loud to try to be heard I told them that I will return to be punished for my actions because my actions were violent and aggressive, ok I didn’t hurt anybody, and it was ill thought out, as I now regret that my end goal to free the animals wasn’t successful, but I do not regret wanting to stand up and fight towards their cause, your cause animal rights to be treated fairly. As of yet I do not know the outcome until I appear in front of the Head Master on Monday morning. Although I will be apologizing and will try to make amends for my very wrong actions, it was in defence for you. I will probably be expelled thrown out of school, excommunicated, who knows but one thing I do know if my plight is to die here this night I want you all to know I will have died fighting for you all. The whole place fell silent. 3 It suddenly appeared he’d come and stood next to the TAITAIGER. TAITAIGER said ‘’PREHISTORIC ONE, BEFORE TIME BEGAN, BEFORE MANKIND, EVERY KIND AND ANYKIND YOU WERE HERE. I STAND BEFORE YOU HUMBLED. He turned to me. 19
‘’It was It who brought me here; Wonder where, somewhere someplace else so to speak using your words. It says he reads many good thoughts about you, he also feels and sees hearts yours and mine both. He tells me your thoughts will achieve much action and that you have reached a higher consciousness that must become collective across the globe. He tells me that you’re online action will prove to be valuable, as you are using the internet tool a many to many medium, a means for the sharing of information. It’s as powerful as the pen which is said to be a powerful weapon, but with more oomph so to speak. It will enable us to all work together to reach the same goals. Global peace. “Taiger with a little a” I love your plan of action, its abso-bubbly-lutely brilliant. ‘’Tell me more about the protesting weapon of mass bubblegum destruction This sounds like something I want to get my teeth into. The animals agreed with loud noises of cheer. Tai was now telling TAITAIGER all about how and why he arrived at his plan of action for his protest. The animals delighting in the tale of how I turned the bus into a slow-motion-silent exploding-fart-blasting,-bubblegum-bubble-making-protest-machine. I showed them the clip on YouTube which was now being projected onto the colossal window that had now become a screen. “Look, listen to the exhaust pipe farting...Wait for it...here it goes pop, pop, fart fart …” “What’s farting?” The question multiplied in the background. “Oh erm it’s erm kind of like a burp.” “A burp?!” The word echoed out, being repeated by the animals. “Yeah like you do when you have finished eating, that noise you make from your mouth when you’re stuffed, your body needs to release gas, wind, so to speak. A burp.” “Like It’s after I gave him bubblegum. A bum burp is a fart that comes out the opposite end. And it smells a lot worse.” The animals agreed laughing. “Anyway seriously now, as much as it was funny, it didn’t help the outcome, you will also agree. This behaviour can only be seen as violent, it was after all an explosion it could of caused a lot of harm, fortunately it didn’t. I have seen the error of my ways. I can not turn back the clock and I do believe that it is not too late in the day so to speak, to change my ways, change my thinking, in turn changing my behavior, cause and effect. TAITAIGER once again addressed the animals. ”You could say that this young Sir, is totally un-believe-a-bubbly believ-a-bubble.” I must have one of those bus’s. Instead of a weapon of mass bubblegum destruction I intend to use it for reconstruction he exclaimed. He instructed for one to be ordered online from want-to get-ridof.com. Expecting it to arrive the very next day he told us all about his plan of action. We are going to plug up the o-zone layer with this fantastic technological break-through. He commanded all the animals to get chewing gum in order to fuel the new weapon of mass reconstruction that will fix the ozone. The slow-motion,silent –exploding- fart –blasting, bubblegum bubble, making machine must be filled to full capacity so soft sticky gloopy gum was required on mass. If we are to succeed in blast farting gum silently to fill all the holes. Look out and up out there and imagine the ozone looks like a big cheese filled with loads of holes all the sticky bubbles will fill the whole lot of them. 20
The animals cheered. TAITAIGER telling them to continue partying, bubblegum sandwiches for all, mountains of them. Then he spoke to me. 4 “Now on a lighter note, Taiger with a little a WANT TO GO VISIT A CASTLE….A BOUNCY CASTLE ?” With that he walked over to his lap-top, tapped into Google NEAREST BIGGEST BOUNCYCASTLE. Up came Google maps with directions and a route, and then he showed me on Google earth where we would visit tonight. An Air Ship arrived outside the window, we jumped in and took a slow, slow cool ride heading towards the Big Apple. The U.S.A. Once inside we chatted more about all the wonderful wise things he knew, while we watched a sky filled with magnificence. We saw zillions of stars and trillions of balloons of all shapes, colours and sizes. “YEP SAID TAITAIGER THIS IS WHERE THEY ALL END UP ALL OF THEM, THAT ACCIDENTLY ON PURPOSE END UP HERE AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN LET GO BY SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, SOMETIME”. I was blown out. We flew long into the night. The moonlight guiding our way. LOOK Taiger with a little a. INDIA THERE’S THE TAJ MAHAL, we could see the reflection of the airship in the lake that it stood over, it was a magical sight a mirror image. We crossed into Nepal and then into Tibet. He told me about his brothers who lived in a secluded Monastery high up on the edge of a mountain, living alongside Buddhist Monks. It is called the Tiger's Nest. The legend has it that a monk flew there on the back of a tiger. He told me how most of their days they spent chanting and meditating for world peace. And how they made the most enchanting music with bells and flutes, and that it was his favourite sound, and reminded me that I’d heard it at the party. And that we would visit them also one day. We crossed the mountains into China; we were so close to the tips we could almost touch them. He said he had yet another brother living here in Beijing. His name was JJ. Jing Jing (for long) And that Jing Jing liked to play with a yoyo, and that he kept the most beautiful and the largest Goldfish in huge ponds. He also knew amazing things like Chinese Astrology and horoscopes and how every year is named after an animal and how if you were born in the same year as the animal you were that animal. So to speak. It turns out that 1998 the year I was born was the year of the Tiger. And that every twelve years it was celebrated. The next country we were to fly over was Siberia, where TAITAIGER had more cousins, he said he was due to visit, and that I would need a really thick, thick warm coat for the next time as they lived in such harsh freezing lands of snow. He said they were mysterious with white fur to camouflage them in the snow. He said he liked to visit them at Christmas time, as it was fun making snowmen and playing snowballs, although he much preferred to just lay out flat on his back, spread-eagled in the fluffy snow and make snow angels, by waiving all fours. “FANCY A BITE TO EAT Taiger with a little a” ? He asked pulling out a big picnic basket. He spread out a table cloth and covered it with lots of lovely delightfully tasty looking food. Including 21
bubblegum sandwiches, which he made very clear they were now his favourite. I tucked into the delicious delicacies, which came in all shapes, colours and sizes. We sipped juices out of huge melons and coconuts, and ate fruits from all over the world, that also came in all colors, shapes and sizes. Both of us ate until we were full, we then lay back and rested while the airship travelled across Deserts, more and more mountains, seas, rivers, lakes, waterfalls, and rainforests in countries large, small, hot and cold. The airship picked up speed as we lay on our backs chatting and blowing more bubbles. 5 TAITAIGER turned to me and spoke quietly, it was then that he reminded me about the time when we first met. “Taiger he said with a little a, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT DAY IN REGENT’S PARK ZOO”? Suddenly in an instant I did. I sat up stunned, abso-bubbly-lutely. “THE DAY WHEN YOU RODE THAT CLUMSY CAMEL”! “That was you I exclaimed, it is you.” “YES IT WAS I.” “YOU THREW ME A BUBBLEGUM,” I giggled, he grinned, “I, did.“ “YOU SURE DID BRO; although the sign read DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. YOU STAYED AND CHATTED WITH ME FOR MOST OF THE DAY. WE PLAYED COPYCATS YOU MIMICKING ME ON ALL FOURS AND ME STANDING UP ON TWO.” We laughed and laughed and laughed at these memories. “THE ZOO KEEPER HAD TO DRAG YOU AWAY, AS IT WAS CLOSING TIME. YOU TOLD ME YOUR NAME, AND WHERE YOU WERE LIVING AT THAT TIME, BUT LIKE ME YOU MOVED. ANYWAY I TOLD YOU THAT I WAS LEAVING THE ZOO TO GO AND MAKE A HOME FOR MYSELF AND THAT WHEN I DID I WOULD BE THROWING A HUGE BIG PARTY AND THAT YOU WOULD BE INVITED.” Oh yes I remembered. IT TOOK ME AWHILE TO DISCOVER SOMEWHERE SAFE, SOMEWHERE WHERE I COULDN’T BE REACHED, SOMEWHERE QUIET, WHERE I COULD WRITE AS THAT IS WHAT I DO, I'M A WRITER. ALTHOUGH THIS IS MY VERY FIRST BOOK. SO EVENTUALLY WHEN I DID FIND MY NEW HOME. I TRACKED YOU DOWN BY USING GOOGLE. I TAPPED IN TAI GREENIDGE NOT FORGETTING YOUR MIDDLE NAME, ODECI. 6 “TAITAIGER’’, I asked, ‘’where do you come from and where is your home’’? “MMMM he said, NOW THAT’S A QUESTION. TWO IN FACT. SOME SAY I CAME FROM SOUTH AMERICA CAPTURED AND MOVED TO INDONESIA, THE SAME PLACE THAT THE NEW PRESIDENT OF THE U.S.A LIVED FOR SOME YEARS OF HIS LIFE. I DO BELIEVE, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT I MET HIM ACTUALLY. I COULD TELL AT THAT YOUNG AGE THAT HE WAS CREATED TO DO GREAT THINGS. I WILL BE DROPPING OFF A LETTER OF CONCERN TO HIM WHEN WE FLY OVER THE HOUSE THAT HE LIVES IN. QUESTION FOR YOU, DON’T YOU THINK IT COULD DO WITH A LICK OF PAINT, MULTI-COLORED PAINT.” We both burst out laughing. “Letter of concern you say TAITAIGER, do continue.” 22
“OH YES WHERE WAS I ERM OH MY CONCERNS ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF ALL THE JAGUARS AND TIGERS IN THE WORLD, WE ARE BECOMING EXTINCT,TIGERS NEED TO BE PROTECTED, BECAUSE BEFORE LONG WE WILL NO LONGER EXIST. LET ME READ IT TO YOU.” Dear Honorable Mr. President Obama Firstly I would like to express many happy returns to you for winning the Presidency of the United States of America. Your beingness is of a supreme order. In God we trust that under your governance we shall know peace and love in many forms. Thank you. God bless us all. Amen. Lastly I would like to share my concerns with you about the plight of all Animals, which are being hunted. I fear the loss of my fellow species and our existence in the Animal Kingdom which will become too great. Irreversible.Extinction I close in peace and love through the light of God which I am. I call forth global awareness. And so be it. My sincerity withstands TAITAIGER.***** “DON’T BE SAD, he nudged me gently. WE CAN CHANGE THINGS. YES WE CAN. ANYWAY LET’S GET THESE ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS BACK ON TRACK. WHERE WAS I, OH YES YOU ASKED WHERE WAS I FROM AND WHERE IS MY HOME. OK. SO I WAS BORN IN SOUTH AMERICA IN A JUNGLE IN GUYANA I WAS CAPTURED AND TAKEN TO INDONESIA WHERE I LIIVED IN A JUNGLE IN A COUNTRY CALLED BURMA. YOU KNOW THE ONE, I’M OUT OF THE JUNGLE ...I CAN SURVIVE ANYWHERE..... BUT AGAIN I HAD TO MOVE AS WE WERE BEING HUNTED. WHEN I WAS A CUB I WENT TO LIVE WITH SOME PEACE LOVING BUDDHIST MONKS ALSO, IN A MONASTERY IN THAILAND CALLED THE TEMPLE OF TIGERS. THE MONKS HAVE NOW CREATED A SAFE PLACE FOR OTHER TIGERS CALLED TIGER ISLAND. THEY DO NOT KEEP US IN CAGES. IT IS A FOREST AND IT HAS WATER ALL AROUND IT TO KEEP THEM SAFE. AWAY FROM HUNTERS. THERE USED TO BE GREAT NUMBERS OF US CATS LIVING ALL OVER INDONESIA, INDIA, CHINA AND SIBERIA. MY WHOLE FAMILY IS SPREAD ALL OVER THESE COUNTRIES, WHERE I ALSO LIVED FOR SOME YEARS. THEN I MOVED TO THE UK FOR MANY YEARS. WHERE IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT I WAS NOT A TIGER! I WAS IN FACT A JAGUAR..... US CATS GET IT ALL THE TIME. AND NOW I LIVE IN MY VERY OWN LAND”….. He said suddenly staring up into space. I said, repeating, “your very own land. Where?”… “OOPS SORRY Taiger with a little a, I DIGRESSED,WELL YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD OF A PLACE CALLED THAILAND. WELL IT’S NOT THERE. BUT IT’S A PLACE WITH A SIMILAR NAME. I CALLED IT TAILAND WITHOUT AN H.” Ok I said “and where exactly is Tailand with out the H?” “WELL I CAN’T GIVE YOU THE EXACT DETAILS AS IT’S NOT EXACTLY ON THE MAP.” 23
Oh I said getting confused. “ALTHOUGH’’. He continued. ‘’GOOGLE EARTH IS GOOD AT LOCATING UNFOUND LANDS’’. ’’LIKE THE NEW FOUND JUNGLE IN A PART OF AFRICA’’. ‘’NOONE KNEW OF IT EXCEPT ALL TIGERS, THAT IS. ALL UNEXPLORED TERRITORY. IT IS FULL OF SPECIES OF ANIMALS, CREATURES AND PLANTS, THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE BY MAN’’. ‘’IM SURE THAT YOU WILL HEAR ABOUT COUSINS OF MINE SOON’’. “You mean to tell me that you knew about it before,” I asked. “OH YES Taiger with a little a. OH YES, MY GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GRANDMA WAS BORN THERE.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. What a secret he was now sharing with me. Tigers existed in Africa. This was a secret that the whole wide world didn’t even know. Tigers do exist in Africa and always did so. How about that I thought, as I tucked myself in closer to him, giving him an enormous hug. After all it was getting cold flying over the top of Siberia. 7 We had been flying for some hours now when TAITAIGER told me to look out of the window. To my surprise I saw the sky aglow, luminous colours of red, pink, and green... I thought he was going to tell me that it was a Michael Jackson concert, the way the lights were flashing. We were now in Alaska, the North Pole he told me. Literally on top of the globe, as I could see from the Google map that TAITAIGER was pointing to. “THAT YOUNG MAN IS THE NORTHERN LIGHTS. ITS REAL NAME IS THE AURORA BOREALIS. ONE OF NATURE’S MANY TRUE PHENOMENA.” It was spectacular. It was so mystical. As we flew away from Alaska, I could see that at the back of the airship when we looked out it was dark, and at the front of the airship it was light; we were in between dark and light, night and day. We were flying into a new dawn, breaking in a new day, we were flying towards the sun that was rising up from the horizon, and it too was another of nature’s wonderful sights, a beautiful sunrise. I could feel the heat coming from it, it warmed us both up. “GREAT, WE WILL BE IN TIME FOR BREAKFAST. I LOVE BREAKFAST IN AMERICA,” said TAITAIGER rubbing his stomach, he and I were both hungry. “FIRST THINGS FIRST LETS DROP THIS LETTER OFF.” As we flew over the Big Apple, he carefully tied the multi-coloured letter to a parachute and threw it out of the airship. “NOT LONG Taiger with a little a, WE WILL BE LANDING IN NO TIME AT ALL.” “No time at all I thought, well then we must have arrived. “Ok Taiger with a little a, WANT TO GO FOR A JUMP?. RIGHT HERE’S THE PLAN.” He was saying as he pulled at two big bubble gum patches that we had stuck to the bottom of our seats during the night. We had chewed so much gum and blew so many bubbles we had to give our jaws and teeth a break. “OKIDOKI,” he popped his piece and mine into our mouths. “CHEW, CHEW, CHEW NOW Taiger with a little a. GET IT LOOSENED UP NICELY, WE NEED THIS TO WORK. OK MY THEORY IS THAT WE BLOW UP OUR BUBBLES, OPEN UP THE DOOR AND WEEEHEEEEEE,” before I could say bazooka he had already taken my hand and jumped right out of 24
the door, we were parachuting our way down. I was breathless. The ground was miles away, it looked like a patchwork blanket had been spread over the earth. Fortunately our bubbles were getting bigger luckily, slowing our fall. Thankfully this was now my biggest bubble I've blown on record yet. As we made our way down I could now see an enormous bouncy castle. TAITAIGER continued to hold onto me tightly as we came closer and above the castle. He was looking over at me with great delight, his eyes opened wide with excitement. Suddenly without further ado, I saw his paw reach towards my bubble. He spread his claws and Bang**!! Bang our bubbles burst, we fell into the Bouncy castle, thankful that it was a soft, bouncy landing, breaking our fall. We bounced up and down laughing and laughing, wee hee bubbling bazookas, we both screamed. But I stress do not try this at home! We spent hours bouncing and jumping, jumping and bouncing, somersaulting backwards forwards and sideways throwing ourselves around like no tomorrow; so to speak, it was more than just great. It was fantastic-a-bubbly unbelieve-a-bubble. "BUBBLEGUM SANDWICHES AND EGGS, SUNNY SIDE UP ? LET’S GO GET’EM, Taiger with a little a. LETS GO AND EAT BREAKFAST, BEFORE I DROP YOU OFF HOME, BUT NOT BEFORE SAYING GOOD BYE TO IT. SO WE WILL DROP BY MINE FIRST.” “Drop me off.”? I said “what, from the Top-of-the-world. “ “YOU GOT IT BRO. ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED.”(“,)
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MORNING AFTER
“Tai Odeci Greenidge I have looked at the web address that I found in my inbox early this morning, I have seen that you have made an enormous effort to make amends, it is because of this excellent self initiated project that I am going to forget about your mistaken behaviour and go against my first decision which was to expel you. Please explain to me how you created this ingenious piece of work.” “Well Sir having rode somewhere, elsewhere on the coolest bike ever, met a multi coloured Tiger that liked bubblegum sandwiches. A blue Dinosaur with pink furry patches that read my thought bubbles. And travelled a large part of the world; you could say I came to my senses so to speak. “Yes well I can clearly see that you spent your time whilst grounded very productively, tell me how on earth did you create this, he said clicking into the website. I feel young sir that you are destined for many an adventure.” I stepped over to his desk, and there in front of me was TAITAIGER on the monitor, I went quiet, I was blown out, flabbergast. Hello Headmaster King with a little h. Firstly let me introduce myself, my name is TAITAIGER Greenidge my surname I adopted from a young very brave, intelligent courageous young man, that I met many, many years ago in Regents park zoo. The young man that stands in front of you whom from this day on I will address as my Master, as he has taught me lessons that have been life changing. This young man that stands in front of you single handed defended the rights of humankind by preventing the animal kingdom from uprising and killing. He told me that he did try to defend all animals’ rights by becoming proactive by using what appears to be aggressive action; you would call it Guerrilla warfare. He has seen the errors of his ways by preventing my own decisions to act in the same manner. For this I am truly grateful and will be forever indebted to this young Sir Tai Odeci Greenidge. I feel that mankind will also be grateful for the invention of my weapon of mass reconstruction that will fix the ozone layer. I ask that you find it in your heart to 26
understand the significance of his actions and free him from house arrest and expulsion from your school. He has learnt some extremely important lessons about rights, equality for people and animals. I close with sincere gratitude and regards to humankind. Your cuddly-bubbly friend ever.� TAITAIGER.
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