Joan Marcus and Nora Marcus-Hecht

She/hers

How have stereotypes about physical appearance impacted how you convey and/or internalize your Jewish identity? (Con’t)

Joan: One thing that comes to mind is your previous question about aspects of my identity that are in conflict. As a Jew, I am proud of my heritage and the many contributions Jews have made to society. After returning home from my first semester in college, I told my father about how my English professor had mentioned four thinkers - Freud, Marx, Einstein, and Darwin -- who had greatly affected thought in the 20th century, and three of the four were Jewish. My father pointed this out with pride, and I always got the message that we were exceptional. So there's an impulse towards pride in being Jewish, especially when looking at the many achievements of Jewish people throughout history.

However, there's also a sense of embarrassment and not wanting to be seen as superior. I recognize that our history as diasporic people has contributed to our drive to excel, but I don't want to be seen as thinking we're better than anyone else. And, of course, the Holocaust is a reminder that we are not immune to oppression and violence and that genocide is always a tragedy no matter who it happens to. So there's a tension between being proud of my identity and not wanting to come across as arrogant or exclusive.

Nora: Oh, you're unlocking so many memories. That's a struggle that I've dealt with, especially in high school, of people coming up to me saying, ‘You're white, so you're not oppressed. You're white. So any anti-Semitism doesn't really count.

It's interesting how our Jewish experiences have been so different, even though we grew up in the same type of community. For me, joining Kol Haverim was a natural step because the community aspect of religion has always appealed to me. I remember feeling envious of my friends who attended church and had that sense of community. And I didn't go through a Holocaust literature phase as you did. It wasn't until I toured Yad Vashem that I felt any connection to the Holocaust. And, oh, that was the hardest thing I've ever done. I think about that a lot. So there's definitely a generational gap between us regarding how we have grown accustomed to our Judaism and how we not only celebrate it but also cope with it in that way. And, I think, it's not until now that I've grown to accept my Judaism and learn to love it.