Wisconsin Woman by Plus Publications

Vol. 14 No. 12 | December 2013 | Complimentary

To Consign

is Divine! Jessica Purtell Jessi Wrench

Role for Holiday

Cookie ideas

Meet Pat Bruce

Extreme Jet skier

Children of Seniors

Holiday

Gift Guide

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18 14

Kim Seidel Dana McCullough Bruce Nemovitz

Pat Bruce

December 2013

Holiday gift guide

parent care

special

advertising sections varicose veins | 7 holiday gift guide | 18

Careers and Finance

Susan Marshall | 12 Living Well

Volunteering | 6 Sue Ann Says | 10 Pets | 27

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Generations

Parent Care | 28

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Change is Divine

Lifestyle and Home

Plus Publication ATTN: Wisconsin Woman Subscription Dept. P.O. Box 230 Hartland, WI 53029 Facebook “f ” Logo

cover story

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Volunteer of the month Dawn Anderson

6 December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 3

cover story |

ivine D C

Change is

By Judith Berger

Join us in Spring March 11-15

Milwaukee-Zoofari Conference Center

April 8-12

Whitefish Bay-Jewish Community Center

May 6-10

Hartland-Oakwood Church 4 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

hange is inevitable. That’s exactly what Jessi Wrench and Jessica Purtell, owners of Divine Consign, count on. They own a clothing consignment business that doesn’t have a storefront. Instead, Wrench and Purtell welcome hundreds of consigners and thousands of buyers to predetermined locations for fabulous 5-day sales in the spring and fall each year. “Women retire, change careers, change sizes and so do their wardrobes,” Wrench said. Divine Consign is an outlet for all that change. When the economy took a downward turn in 2008, Wrench and Purtell were working in the nonprofit sector. “We have kids. We were living in Wauwatosa,” Wrench said. “We would take walks and talk about the next big thing for us.” As they transitioned to stay-at-home moms, they realized their wardrobes and bodies were transitioning as well. The two women would have rummage sales to make some money and to clean out their professional closets. They realized there were women who were looking to do the same thing. “We have event planning experience, but no retail experience,” Wrench said. “What woman wouldn’t want to clean out her closet and make some money?” So with their event planning backgrounds, they planned an event at the Elm Grove Woman’s Club. “Our plan wasn’t grand. We started planning in February,” Wrench said. “We got 120 consigners for a 3-day event in April.” That was in 2009. “For our first sale, our tagline was ‘Stimulate Your Wardrobe,’” Wrench said as a reference to the oft-used term ‘economic stimulation.’ “We thought it was a tag line that wouldn’t last, but it has.” The two women saw consigners who made enough money to pay the mortgage for a month or fill other financial voids. No small change. On the other side of the equation, women were getting a start on a beautiful wardrobe for as little as $100 as they endeavor to change career paths. Wrench and Purtell realized their simple idea had broader implications. The consignments include women and teen clothing – all sizes, including maternity. The sales are announced through Divine Consign’s website, Facebook page and word of mouth. Consigners go to the website and get a consigner number. “We cap the number of consigners at 300,” Wrench said. Consigners get instruction on the tagging process and sign up for drop-off times within a 2-day window. “We can have about 45 women per hour dropping off clothing. We go through the clothing to make sure the items are clean and suitable to sell.”

Divine

Wrench and Purtell’s guide for consignment is clothing should be in excellent condition and purchased within the last 3 to 5 years – or classic pieces. They take business attire, evening gowns, shoes, boots, coats and accessories. “Accessories sell really well. It’s that one-sizefits-all appeal,” Wrench said. Divine Consign has a loyal following, Wrench said. From consigners and shoppers to volunteers who help run the sale. “We get a lot of repeat consigners, but we limit consigners to one sale per season. We want to get new people involved in the process. It gives our customers a fresh look at items.” There are three sites for each of the 5-day spring and fall sales: Lake Country, Whitefish Bay and Milwaukee. A consigner gets 60 percent of the price of the item or 75 percent of the price if the consigner volunteers to work the event. Wrench and Purtell are very focused on giving shoppers an appealing shopping experience. “Our sale sites have a boutique feel about them,” Wrench said. “We set up personal dressing rooms. Our customers get large blue shopping bags to collect the items to try on or to purchase. We accept major credit cards and there is no fee to attend.” After the sale, consigners have the option to pick up or donate their items. Wrench and Purtell wanted their business to give back. So they work with Transition House, Lake Country Caring, Hope Center and Soles for Jesus, which sends shoes to Africa. The two women worked with Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin on a Prom for Patients event, Wrench said. “This year, we delivered three racks of dry cleaned, beautiful prom dresses for patients at Children’s who otherwise would have missed their school event.” For Wrench and Purtell, change is good. “We are so blessed. We get to flex our business minds and be moms, too.” Wrench said. And bonus, she is the best dressed mom at the bus stop. Wrench is married to Jon. The couple has a son and a daughter. Purtell is married to John. They have four daughters. And yes, at times it can be confusing having both husbands with the same name. “John, Jessica’s husband, has an IT background. So he helps with that part of the business. Jon, my husband, has an accounting background, so he’s on that side of it.” This is a business with much potential. “Yes, we could get bigger, but we love our families and want to maintain a balance,” Wrench said. “For right now, this is perfect for us.” Divine Consign has some tips to keeping your closet from becoming a deep, dark secret of unknown possessions.

When rotating your closet for the season:

• Take everything out of the closet • Keep what you wear • Know what doesn’t fit • Keep your favorite items of clothing

“Keep classic pieces, if they fit,” Wrench said. “You will wear them again.” Maybe some things don’t change.

Registration for the Spring 2014 sales begins on February 1, 2014. For more information, visit Divineconsignsale.com young continued on page

living well | Volunteer

Volunteer of the month

Rescue Mission Dawn Anderson of Healing Species is our volunteer of the month. Dawn volunteers at the Milwaukee Rescue Mission’s Cross Trainers Academy with her dog, Maggie. Healing Species is a world-wide non-profit committed to teaching compassion, preventing violence and changing lives with rescued dogs.

How have you found time to volunteer?

I think most people feel that volunteering is something that you need to find time to do or something that can fill your free time; I feel it should really be the other way around. When you make the time to volunteer, you gain a greater sense of satisfaction and reward. I spend time at the Milwaukee Rescue Mission during the day, taking time away from work, because that’s when the kids are there and they need the most help. It really boils down to a matter of priorities. I know that life is overwhelming at times, but helping others is one of the greatest stress relievers I know.

Tell me about the most satisfying volunteering experience you have had at the Rescue Mission.

It’s difficult to pick one instance because every time I walk on the Cross Trainer’s Academy floors, I’m greeted with warm and loving smiles. The children don’t have much so they have a great appreciation for even the smallest things. I work with the children by bringing my dog, Maggie, into class and teaching life skills on compassion and empathy. One thing I love about Cross Trainers is their volunteer appreciation lunch at the end of the school year. Lunch is served by the top grade and it is rewarding to see the children living some of the things we discuss in class; kindness, consideration and care. Milwaukee Rescue Mission is such a wonderful organization. They help so many in our community

What is your biggest challenge as a volunteer?

The most difficult challenge is trying to determine where to invest my time. There are so many wonderful and worthy causes that I wish I could simply volunteer for a living. I chose Cross Trainers because I feel that my time investment will really pay back. These children are learning that life is what you make of it. What happens to you early in life doesn’t have to define what you can become. I see these children grow in hope and enthusiasm and know that with the right foundation, they will be able to move mountains. Cross Trainers provides that foundation and I consider myself blessed to be a small part of that.

6 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

Dawn Anderson

What do you say to people who think they are too busy to volunteer? Do you think our fellow Baby Boomers will give up the me, me, me mentality and jump on the volunteer bandwagon?

I believe everyone is too busy to volunteer. It isn’t until you finally discover the joy in being of service that you become hooked. At this time of year in particular, people begin to find ways to reach out. I can tell you as a regular volunteer, the time I am needed the least is around the holidays. This is because there are so many people seeking that opportunity. I know it sounds cliché but if we can carry this spirit throughout the whole year, things would be very different in the world.

What are your plans for the future; any new pet projects?

It is my intention to keep doing this work as long as possible. I love what I do at Cross Trainers and my only project is to expand the number of children I can reach. Bringing Maggie into classes literally shifts the energy in the room and I love that. For example, there was one little boy who struggled with anger and temper issues. In fact, he needed to be removed from the room the first time I was there. It simply was because he wanted to be near Maggie. Over the course of my time there, he learned to control his temper in order to receive his ‘Maggie time’. This affected not only his time with me, but his behavior the rest of the day. His teachers actually bought him a stuffed dog they named Maggie so that he could hug her when he felt angry. When you see a situation like this and watch as a 5K child is able to overcome his struggles with anger, it makes you want to devote as much time as you can to these children.

How would you like to be remembered 50 years from now?

I would like to be remembered as the nice dog lady who loved everyone.

Minimally Invasive Treatments for

Varicose Veins By Dana McCullough When Nancy Perret, a registered nurse, first experienced bulging varicose veins in her legs 16 years ago, the standard treatment—vein stripping—meant she had to go to a hospital and be completely under anesthesia while the doctor surgically extracted the veins. A six-week recovery period that required low activity followed the surgery, making it a challenge for Perret, a new mom, to care for her young child. Today surgical vein stripping is becoming obsolete, Perret says. It has been replaced by less invasive laser and radiofrequency treatments that use heat to close veins. These minimally invasive procedures allow patients to get back to work or to their normal schedules within a day or less of receiving treatment. Additionally, the procedures require only local anesthesia. After her initial surgery, Perret’s varicose veins returned twice. In 2008, Dr. Bruce W. Cardone performed a new laser treatment and Perret’s varicose veins have not returned since. She’s now a nurse at Dr. Cardone’s clinic, Vena, The Varicose Vein Institute in Waukesha. Varicose veins, a condition that allows blood to flow in reverse due to weak or damaged valves, is not strictly a cosmetic issue. It impacts a person’s quality of life and can lead to serious conditions such as skin ulcers or blood clots if left untreated. Varicose veins affect

Vein care that fits you. Don’t let another day go by with bothersome or unsightly veins. The Comprehensive Vein Clinic offers personalized treatment plans designed around you. Board-certified physicians use advanced technology and minimally invasive techniques to treat your condition, resulting in less pain and faster recovery time. All procedures are performed in a calm and nurturing environment at our clinic conveniently located across from the Froedtert & the Medical College of Wisconsin Froedtert Hospital campus. Comprehensive Vein Clinic 8700 W. Watertown Plank Road 1-800-DOCTORS froedtert.com/vein December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 7

about half of women and men over age 50, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Office of Women’s Health. “Symptoms can start and happen slowly over time, so many people don’t realize they have as many symptoms for varicose veins as they do,” says Dr. Eric Hohenwalter, interventional radiologist and co-director of the Comprehensive Vein Clinic at Froedtert and the Medical College of Wisconsin in Wauwatosa. Varicose veins usually occur in legs and symptoms include swollen or twisted veins, pain, cramps in legs, and tired or heavy legs, according to the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute. Women and men with a family history of varicose veins or who are obese, pregnant or work on their feet all day are at the highest risk. “If patients have any symptoms at all—pain, fatigue, itching, swelling of the legs, discoloration at the inside of the ankle or visible varicose veins—they should seek an evaluation,” says Dr. Michael Phillips, founder and owner of Lumiére Laser and Vein Center in Oconomowoc. “If they have any symptoms, they shouldn’t wait. It’s much easier to fix a problem prior to developing a complication.” Perret says a lot of patients prefer to seek treatment in the fall or winter, because they need to wear compression stockings after a procedure, usually for a few days to a couple of weeks. The compression hose helps prevent pooling of blood after the procedure. “They’re not the ones our grandmas used to have. Compression hose are now in black or nude and look just like tights, but they

give extra compression to help blood from pooling,” Perret says. To help diagnose varicose veins and determine the extent of the problem, an ultrasound of your leg may be performed. Perret says some people have terrible symptoms with a normal ultrasound, while others may not have as bad of symptoms but have an ultrasound that shows a serious issue. The ultrasound results help the doctor tailor a treatment plan specifically to the patient’s needs. Popular treatments include various laser treatments, including endovenous laser treatment (EVLT), as well as sclerotherapy. EVLT is a minimally invasive procedure that typically takes less than an hour and requires no downtime afterward, allowing patients to immediately return home or resume most normal activities. Sclerotherapy, a procedure that’s been used for decades, involves injecting sclerosant into the damaged veins. Dr. Phillips says EVLT is the most common procedure performed at Lumiére Laser and Vein Center. Phillips also treats patients using a new VeinGogh device, which treats spider veins and small reticular veins of the legs and face. The device applies a radiofrequency through a tiny needle that closes small blood vessels. The treatment is usually completed in a single session, often lasting 30 minutes or less, depending on the extent of the problem. At the Comprehensive Vein Clinic, Dr. Hohenwalter says all treatments that the clinic’s three physicians perform are outpatient procedures. In fact, they are using a

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“If patients have any symptoms at all—pain, fatigue, itching, swelling of the legs, discoloration at the inside of the ankle or visible varicose veins— they should seek an evaluation,” says Dr. Michael Phillips

Varicose veins continued on page 8

new cool-touch laser that minimizes post-procedure discomfort. “Up to two-thirds of patients can have bruising and have pain in the first few days after a procedure. This newer laser decreases the amount of discomfort,” Hohenwalter says. Dr. Cardone at Vena offers several treatment options as well, including EVLT, radiofrequency ablation and sclerotherapy. Health insurance doesn’t typically cover cosmetic procedures, but many insurance carriers do cover treatments deemed medically necessary by your doctor. Before choosing a doctor, ask what help they provide in processing the insurance. Perret also recommends asking about how many cases of varicose veins the doctor has treated and make sure the doctor is board certified and that the ultrasound technician has the appropriate training and credentials to look for vein disease. Plus, look at the clinic’s website to find out initial information about what types of vein disease the clinic’s physicians treat and what types of treatments they use.

December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 9

Sue Ann Says…

Non-Profits Use WWHF Grants to Support Women’s Health

The Wisconsin Women’s Health Foundation (WWHF) is committed to providing crucial health education to women throughout the state of Wisconsin. Knowing that WWHF can’t do the work alone, WWHF provides the Lisa A. Cudahy Community Health Grants to outstanding non-profit organizations to allow them to deliver health educational programs to Wisconsin women. I am so thrilled to reveal that as of February 2013, WWHF has awarded $160,969 in community health grants and scholarships to promote women’s health. This month I want to share with you some exceptional work that is being done by the recipients of the 2013 Lisa A. Cudahy Community Health Grants.

a knife to my client’s throat and a gun to her head. My client decided that it was time to leave the relationship. She sought legal representation through the shelter, and I was able to assist her in getting sole legal and physical custody of her child. The second grant with a focus on domestic violence, child abuse and youth violence was awarded to the Milwaukee Center for Children and Youth Incorporated. A strong collaboration was developed between several county justice systems, the Bureau of Milwaukee Child Welfare and Marquette University’s Law School to provide advocacy, restorative practices, youth leadership and intervention programs to clients.

Two Non-Profits Take a Stand to End Domestic Violence

Mental Health Initiatives Reach Out to Wisconsin Women

The first grant is being implemented by The Indianhead Community Action Agency for its program called Creating Community Awareness about Domestic Violence. The agency developed and distributed a brochure about the Legal Assistance for Victims (LAV) program which provides free legal services to victims of domestic violence. Through the LAV program, attorneys help women find community services that assist with housing options, utility assistance, and food. Training was given to in-home-visitors focusing on domestic violence awareness, signs of abuse, and how domestic violence impacts children. Kris Porter, the Executive Director & LAV Coordinator, described how LAV was able to support a woman who was in a violent relationship. A disabled mother who lived in a rural community was in a highly violent relationship with an abuser who had been previously charged and convicted of domestic battery. The mother did not have access to resources in this rural community. Because she was disabled, it was difficult for her to seek assistance. After a long night of drinking, the abuser took her and their 8 month old baby hostage, along with two other individuals in the trailer house that they owned together. The police and SWAT team were called. He was finally arrested. During the incident, the abuser held 10 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

Two grant recipients are supporting mental health issues in Wisconsin. M & S Clinical Services of Milwaukee organized a one day mini-conference to help reduce the stigma of mental illness in the African American Community with its grant monies. Local professionals were trained to provide education and resources to encourage families and individuals to openly discuss mental illness. Mental Health America of Wisconsin (MHA) based in Milwaukee is targeting the stigma associated with mental illness and substance abuse. Various educational services can now be accessed and an anonymous mental health screening is available to allow online users to assess their risk for mental health disorders.

Cancer Support Groups Benefit Wisconsin Women Stillwaters Cancer Support Services in Waukesha used its grant monies to form the Making Sense of Life After Cancer Support Group. Their free group is open to citizens who have been diagnosed with any type of cancer. Discussions are led by a licensed counselor and center on nutrition, exercise, body image, stress reduction and fear of recurrence.

Support for Wisconsin Families Struggling with Diabetes The grant funding the United Community Center, Inc. of Milwaukee is sup-

porting the dissemination of a video program titled Dulce Secretos (Sweet Secrets) about a multigenerational family struggling with diabetes. Dulce Secretos premiered on Telenovela in May, 2013.

Finding Homes for Wisconsin’s Homeless Citizens Safe Harbor Homeless Shelter, Inc. of Reedsburg put its grant money to work with the Hands on 5-Step Program. The program works with clients to set goals to find a home. The clients learn job hunting, budgeting, health, and nutrition skills. The program provides access to assistance programs and the first month’s rent.

Cardiovascular Exercise Helps Smokers Quit Milwaukee’s Meta House Inc. assisted staff and clients with smoking cessation. They integrated a cardiovascular exercise component to their Tobacco Cessation Project. Carla Myers of Meta House shared this information. A client, who uses the treadmill two to three times a week, said the exercise is a big part of her recovery from substance abuse, and it has helped tremendously in aiding her to quit smoking. “It’s a good way to start the day,” she said. “I feel better for the entire day if I do this.” These Wisconsin non-profits provide a significant role in the health of Wisconsin Women. WWHF is proud to support their efforts and programs. Because it all begins with a healthy woman… Sue Ann Thompson is founder and president of the Wisconsin Women’s Health Foundation (WWHF), a statewide non-profit organization whose mission is to help Wisconsin women and their families reach their healthiest potential. WWHF provides programs and conducts forums that focus on education, prevention, and early detection; connects individuals to health resources; produces and distributes the most up-to-date health education and resource materials; and, awards grants and scholarships to women health researchers and related community non-profits. To learn more, visit wwhf.org or call 1-800-448-5148.

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careers | Building Stronger Women

Advice for the Holidays:

Fortify yourself! When you hear someone call out cheerily, “Ho, ho, ho happy holidays!” are you tempted to mutter back, “Bah humbug?” If so, you’re not alone.

Despite the celebratory atmosphere that surrounds the holidays, it is one of the most difficult seasons in terms of depression and loneliness for those who have lost loved ones, and unrealistic expectations for a lot of women who believe they need to decorate a gorgeous home, prepare fantastic meals, buy the best gifts ever, and put out a dazzling display of homemade treats all season long. And do it all with a sweet smile. Truth is, it’s tough to be optimistic in the midst of today’s realities, holiday season aside. Trouble surrounds us, rudeness seems to be the order of the day for too many people, and the news moves from bad to worse day after day. No wonder a lot of people look fatigued and kind of sad, as though life has pummeled them into submission and the best of what they had hoped for has somehow passed them by. How untrue that is, by the way! But sometimes it’s hard to feel hopeful. How can you fortify yourself not only during the holidays, but throughout the new year ahead? First of all, shun negativity. Whether it’s the daily news, crabby people, or incessant complainers, choose to be as far away from negative influences as you can. This can mean changing habits, finding new friends, or simply ignoring what used to drag you down. It can also mean using your mind to create new, supportive stories. I recently lost Bailey—my best canine friend, watchdog, walking buddy, and snuggle pal—to aggressive cancer. One week she was fine, the next she refused to eat and could barely walk. I was devastated. For weeks afterwards, I looked for her in familiar spots at home and choked back tears every time I went for a walk without her. Instead of concentrating on these deep feelings of loss, I used my mind to conjure happy memories and consider how lucky I was to have had such a joyful creature in my home for nearly 12 years. This is not to say we should deny genuine grief or paper over deep sorrow, but rather to acknowledge it and intentionally focus our thoughts elsewhere to prevent the onset of prolonged episodes of self-pity. It is not easy, but it is possible. Make a point to seek out energetic, optimistic people. They

are filled with information and stories about what is right with the world. Engaging in positive conversation can offer reassurance, stimulate new ideas, and generate renewed optimism. Tune out complainers. They will always be around, ready to rain on your perfectly good parade, but you don’t need to give them airtime. If you simply allow them to be who they are without feeling a need to engage or change them in any way, you’ll feel better. Seek out good reading material, TV and movies. Look for books and articles that educate and entertain; blogs that offer encouragement rather than trash talk. Choose TV and movies that celebrate goodness and strength, and offer inspiration. You’ll find ways to sustain what’s best inside you and look for the best in other people, too. Feed yourself well. Good and tasty food that supports your energy is easy to prepare once you learn how. It may take time to adjust your habits, but it’s worth the effort. Every baby step will generate new confidence. Move your body. Get up! Walk, jog, dance, swim, ride a bike, play recreational sports; just get going! You’ll be amazed at how your mood improves when you start moving. Gravity pulls us down physically, mentally, and emotionally. Fight it every day in little ways. This is not fluffy, happy-face stuff. It takes real determination and discipline to fortify yourself. It also takes patience and persistence and lots of stamina because some of the people around you will want to drag you back down. Strong, happy, energized people are in the minority and that’s a minority you want to belong to. Happy holidays! •••• Susan Marshall is an author and speaker whose book, “How to Grow a Backbone: 10 Strategies for Gaining Power and Influence at Work,” has been translated into multiple languages and is especially popular in Asia. Her work is dedicated to building strong leaders who create successful organizations, transform school systems, and develop leaders at all levels. You can reach her at (262) 567-5983 or execadvise@mac.com.

ggNnniEdolMiurbOtWs llahsraM nasuS :yb

12 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

Our Mission: Linking older adults to a caring community since 1975. Experience, Commitment and Vision make Interfaith Older Adult Programs a leader in providing older adult and caregiving services in Milwaukee County and beyond. Learn about our valuable services and volunteer opportunities

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Pat Bruce

jet skis hundreds of miles

on the South’s ‘original highways’

By Kim Seidel

at Bruce readily admits she began jet skiing entirely “by mistake.” She thought her husband and sons “were crazy” when they began in 1999 on Lake Beulah, though she was no stranger to the water. “I ski and tube behind our boat, and I thought that was crazy enough,” Bruce says. Fast forward 14 years later. Bruce is “hooked on” long-distance jet skiing. She and her husband, Frank, have experienced four jet skiing vacations in the South through Discovery River Tours, based in

14 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

Georgia. Annually since 2010, these adventures have taken them on three-day runs, most recently this fall on the PeeDee-Waccamaw River. Each trip takes them about 350-400 miles across scenic waterways. “It’s exploring America’s original highways,” says Bruce, touting the company’s motto. The all-inclusive journeys are expertly planned and executed from fuel, river guides and road crew to first-class dining and lodging accommodations. Vacationing upon the southern lakes and rivers offers a fresh perspective not only on nature but also on

how southern people live, hunt and recreate. “Most of the time, the rides are gorgeous,” says Bruce, who relishes eagles soaring above, cranes exploring on nearby shores and carps jumping out of water. Jet skiing is a beautiful way to see nature.” Even the snakes and alligators don’t frighten her as she travels quickly above them, with the exception of giving one alligator a so-called “alligator back rub.” While these trips are exciting for Bruce, she says that traveling hundreds of miles on open rivers and coastal waterways does require physical stamina, experience, boat regulation knowledge and a passion for the water and outdoors. Bruce suffers from back problems, and keeps fit bicycling about 15 miles a week and doing yoga. She also volunteers to walk dogs for the Wisconsin Humane Society. It took Bruce a couple of years to ride her jet ski in Wisconsin up to 30 mph. Now she’ll typically cruise about 50 mph, and when the water is clear as glass – like a mirror – she’s been known to drive 70 mph. On the trips, they meet all walks of life and tour with about 15 people from a variety of professions. Most couples ages 50 to 70 participate, but some singles and adult children have joined, too. Pat and Frank, both 61, typically travel the furthest. The couple is also unique in that they trailer their own jet skis, making it the width of a semi-truck – no small feat for driving.

“It’s a different kind of vacation; the runs are physically demanding, but the guides make it relaxing and fun,” Bruce says Pat pictured in center (light blue top) with husband Frank (behind Pat in dark blue top) with fellow riders wearing patriotic dew rags on September 11th this year.

Jet skiing also takes dedication and commitment to their Yahama WaveRunners from Port Yamaha of Port Washington, Wis. Pat rides a SHO FZS that has 205 horsepower. She’s 4’10 and needs a jet ski that’s fast, allowing her to turn quickly and hang on tightly. On the other end of the spectrum, Frank is 6’4 and requires stability; his SHO FX is like a boat. Pat enjoys jet skiing for the same reason she likes her job as director of Interfaith Older Adult Program’s Family Caregivers Support Network – “It never stays the same.” The tour groups stop to dine and rest overnight at places reflecting the area. “It’s a different kind of vacation; the runs are physically demanding, but the guides make it relaxing and fun,” Bruce says. “When you’re out in fresh air, sunshine (and also rain and wind) for three days, it’s exciting, but exhausting.” On their recent Pee-Dee Waccamaw River get-away, destination Conway, S.C., the route led them through picturesque waterways, with old plantation homes on shore. On the Great Pee Dee River, the group ran through the narrow, trail-like sections of the Samworth Wildlife Management Area. Upriver, she traveled a 52mile, winding 5 million year old Waccamaw Basin, lined with magnificent, old Cypress, where Blue Heron, Osprey and White Egrets abound. One day a Blue Heron flew close, skimming her shoulder. “It was so cool,” she says. It’s hard to pick a favorite trip, but it’s perhaps their first on the Okee-Kissimmee Lake and River, offering views of the Sunshine State most people never witness. Bruce enjoyed going through five lock systems, including into Fort Myers on the west coast of Florida. In a single day, they traveled from near the east coast of Florida to the west coast. They stayed overnight at the historic Seminole Inn, offering a special peek at history. The third day was more technical riding with very little civilization. When she’s home, the challenge is “once you go on a long jet ski ride, it’s very hard to go back to the short lake rides,” she says. They’ve been blessed recently with a cottage in East Troy, Wis., on Lake Beulah, an ideal place to train. During jet ski season, she rides every weekend. “I have to be strong enough to ride consistently over waves (sometimes up to 3-feet high) and hang on over choppy waters,” Bruce says.

GET SPRUCED UP FOR THE HOLIDAYS

BE LOYAL. SHOP LOCAL. Galleria West in Brookfield East Towne Square in Mequon www.fayes123.com December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 15

lifestyle | A Man’s Perspective

My wife is a hard person to buy gifts for I remember way back when we were dating and I thought I would buy her some clothes for Christmas. I painstakingly went to 3 or 4 stores searching for that perfect outfit that represented her and was also “in style.” I struck out.

Excited as she unwrapped her gifts, she politely thanked me and then asked, “Do you have the receipts?” Darn, and here I thought I had nailed it. I do not buy her clothes anymore. Any husband also learns that there are certain gifts you NEVER EVER buy your wife. I discovered this early on in our marriage as I was desperately searching for a gift. With time running out, I found a really nice set of pots and pans. I rationalized that we had a mismatched set and she would like them. Wrong! They went back to the store. Actually, I had to take them back. The only thing that saved me that year was that my brother-in-law bought her an even worse gift, a jump rope. Understand that my wife is very fit and to her, it implied that she needed to get into better shape. I thanked him on the side. I did surprise her one time with a gift she really loved, a piano. She grew up very poor and always wanted to play the piano, and I am proud to say that she and all of our kids have played it. It was a gift that has provided lasting memories for our entire family. Conversely, my wife always get me great gifts. Whether it’s new clothes, shoes, ties, or a special get-away, my wife also seems to know what I want and need more than I do. I recall several years ago in early November, it was a Saturday, my wife got up very early. I typically get up first and tend to rise early, so I thought it was odd that she was up so early on a day when we could sleep in. Our two kids at the time were still sleeping so it was even more weird. As she woke me up she excitedly proclaimed, “I have a surprise, we are going Christmas shopping.” I said that “the

16 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

kids were still sleeping.” She said, “my mom is coming to watch them.” I said “no stores are even open yet,” and she corrected me that they were having “bonus days” and were indeed open early. She made me get up and go and get coffee at the donut shop. When I came home her mom was there and we got into the car. She made me open the glove box and inside were tickets to go out of town. I thanked her and she replied, “look at the date!” I did and they were for that morning, to Kansas City. I am a big football fan and the Chiefs were my team to root for when the Packers were really bad (I told you this was a long time ago.) She had arranged for a flight, tickets and hotel to see the Chiefs play that weekend against the Cleveland Browns. We sat high up in the pouring rain and loved every minute of the Chiefs’ win. Small gifts and big gifts aside, my wife has a present that she loves more than anything and it does not cost me a dime. I guess you would call it a love letter. Those are the gifts she recalls the most and appreciates the best. I try to write her one at every birthday and Christmas. Holidays are about memories, and sharing your thoughts and love are as precious as it gets. Excuse me, now, I have some writing to do. •••• Grant A. Johnson is the founder and CEO of Brookfield-based Johnson Direct, a full service, measurable marketing firm. He has four children from 14 to 21 and has been married to his wife, Maria, for over 23 years.

lifestyle | In Fashion

Being

Elegant Isn’t Easy... But, it’s Possible

When I opened my first store over two decades ago, I thought I was going to be in the fashion business. And, of course, I am. But what I didn’t realize was that I was really going to be in the SELF ESTEEM BUSINESS! Our clothes are the armor in which we head off into our personal challenges each and every day. If we don’t like what we’re wearing or we’re uncomfortable in our clothes, our self-confidence is eroded. Conversely, if we think we look good, we hold our head higher and act with more confidence. And, people respond to that confidence. Like it or not, how you see the world and how the world sees you depends a great deal on how you look. In my business, I see a whole lot of women who at some point just start to wave the White Fashion Flag! When do elastic waistbands and sensible shoes get to be OK? In my book:

NEVER.

One of the quickest ways to age is to stop paying attention. We don’t’ stop paying attention to the news or what’s happening in politics and culture. So why would we stop paying attention to fashion and makeup and hair? There is a way to update every season, regardless of your age or body type. And, I’m not talking about a wardrobe overhaul. It’s not about transforming…it’s about evolving.

ALWAYS NOTICE!

• Notice what other women are wearing. • Do you like it? If so, WHY do you like it. • Deconstruct the look. • Do you not like it? WHY don’t you like it? • Deconstruct the look. • Subscribe to one fashion magazine and read it every month. To quote the eponymous designer, Miuccia Prada, “Being elegant isn’t easy. You have to study it like cuisine and art.” Do the work, and your style will evolve, and your entire life will be better for it. •••• Happy Holidays. Peace On Earth. Faye Wetzel Owner, Faye’s Boutique Brookfield and Mequon December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 17

The Annual

Holiday Gift Guide If you’re looking for a gift that will be a holiday hit, here are some local shops to pick from.

A Little Something We Whipped Up For the Holidays

r Find all of your gifts fo that special someone, at the

Nest!

ow Trunk Sh• 4:00-7:00pm

Thursday

Dec. 5th

and BRIGHTON cke!! O L PaTRIcIa

$20

off

A foodie-inspired holiday gift Purchase a $500 gift card and receive our just-released Sundara Cookbook*.

your clothing purchase of $100 or more. Includes our half-price rack! (Good thru 12/24/13)

Hours: M,T,W,F 9:30-6:00 Thursday 9:30-7:00 Sat 9:00-4:00 Sundays in Dec. 12:00-4:00

A favorite spa holiday gift Purchase a $250 gift card and receive a signature Sundara keepsake ornament*.

ART SUPPLIES

BETHANY LOWE 16" $89.95

PLUS A GREAT SELECTION OF VINTAGE INSPIRED DECORATIONS GLASS ORNAMENTS FROM EUROPE ADVENT CALENDARS HOLIDAY CARDS WRAPPING PAPER

GIFTS TO

ENCOURAGE CREATIVITY

DRAWING TABLES ART EASELS BRUSHES PAINT SETS PENCIL SETS PORTFOLIOS CANVAS MAT CUTTERS PASTELS & MORE ON SALE THRU DEC 31

AND MORE

CLASSES & FREE DEMOS AT

artistanddisplay.com

ARTISTANDDISPLAY 9015 W BURLEIGH 414 442-9100 CELEBRATING 77 YEARS

MON THRU THUR 9-8 PM

18 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

∫

FRI 9-6

∫

SAT 9-5

∫

SUN 12-4

Sundara Inn & Spa is nestled in a 26-acre fragrant pine forest on the scenic outskirts of Wisconsin Dells. Order by phone at 888.735.8181

online at sundaraspa.com or in person - Sundara gift cards come wrapped in a pretty red ribbon ready for gift giving. *Offers not valid on virtual gift cards, one gift per purchase. Available November 15 through December 26, 2013.

ǂ – Enjoy free Milwaukee County Zoo admission for a full year. New Zoo Pass gifts include a plush-toy animal (while supplies last).

ǂ Ƶ OR ǨƩǨǦǦ Ƭ Snow leopard package includes an 11-inch plush-toy snow leopard (while supplies last).

ǂ ¢ featuring Zoo animals – This year’s ornament features Onassis, the Amazon River turtle. ǂ – Purchase a certificate that can be used for a Zoo Pass, Zoological Society events, or education classes and camps. Zoological Society of Milwaukee County 10005 W. Bluemound Rd. Milwaukee, WI 53226-4383 A Zoological Society and Milwaukee County Zoo Partnership

Purchase any of these gifts at www.WWzoogifts.com or call (414) 258-2333.

December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 19

Simplicity Synchrony Fetch Pet Vacuum With a HEPA bag, granulated charcoal filter, an amazing hand turbo brush to remove pet hair from upholstery and stairs, Fetch cleans like no other pet vacuum.

HOLIDAY SPARKLE

• 2 motors are better than 1 • Steel bottom plate and brushroll with replaceable brushstrips • At your fingertip surface selector • 5 year warranty™ • Lifetime serpentine belt • Built in the USA

Those who know... Choose Quality™

BROOKFIELD VACUUM

17000 W. Capitol Drive, Brookfield • 262.783.4464 www.BrookfieldVacuum.com

Lieblang Leather

Fantastic Holiday Sale HUGE Selection Safe Holidays to all

607 Main Street • Delafield

262-646-8917 www.lieblangleather.com

20 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

CEDARBURG DELAFIELD 262-376-4534 262-646-4534

MADISON 414-273-4534

MILWAUKEE WAUKESHA 414-273-4534 262-549-4534

WAUWATOSA 414-258-4534

Golf

Gift Cards Gifts that delight the avid golfer on your list AND support your Parks

Buy $100 in gift cards; receive $20 in FREE golf! FREE Shipping For details and to order, go to

countyparks.com

414.257.8024

December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 21

at home | Recipes Pet

Cookies Holiday

Whether you serve cookies at holiday celebrations, leave them out for the man in Red, swap them with friends, or mail them as gifts, one thing is for sure: You want to bake the best cookies in town! Giving and receiving cookies is a delicious and inexpensive way to share the holiday spirit with friends and family. Here are some of our staf f favorites we wanted to share with our readers. From White Chocolate Cherry Shortbreads to simple to make Swirled Peppermint Bark. Let these cookie recipes inspire you

Happy Baking! 22 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

Almond Snow Christmas Cookies

Ingredients:

1-1/4 cup soft butter 1/2 cup shortening 1 cup granulated sugar 2 eggs 2 to 3 tsp. almond extract 1 cup finely ground blanched almonds 3-1/2 cups sifted flour Confectioners’ sugar

Cream shortening, butter and granulated sugar; add eggs and beat until light. Mix in almond oil and ground almonds. Add flour to creamed mixture and mix thoroughly. Chill dough. When ready to bake, preheat oven to 325ºF. Scoop dough into small balls and place on ungreased baking sheets about 2” apart. Slightly flatten top with a dampened cloth-covered glass. Bake until set but not brown, about 14-16 minutes. Sift confectioners’ sugar over cookies as soon as you take them out of the oven. Cool on cookie sheet. When thoroughly cool, but not cold enough to stick to cookie sheet, remove cookies from cookie sheet and roll in additional confectioners’ sugar.

Swirled Peppermint Bark

Ingredients

8-oz. pkg. semi-sweet baking chocolate squares, chopped 6-oz. pkg. white baking chocolate squares, chopped Optional: 1/2 t. peppermint extract 1/2 c. peppermint candy canes, crushed

Place chocolates in 2 separate microwave-safe bowls. Working with one bowl at a time, microwave on high setting for one minute; stir until smooth. Microwave an additional 10 to 15 seconds, if needed. Pour semi-sweet chocolate onto a wax paper-lined baking sheet; set aside. Stir extract into white chocolate, if using. Slowly pour white chocolate over semi-sweet chocolate on baking sheet. Swirl chocolates together with a knife; sprinkle with crushed candy. Chill until firm, about one hour. Use wax paper to lift bark from baking sheet; break into pieces. Store tightly covered at room temperature. Makes about one pound. Margo Lehmann

White Chocolate Cherry Shortbread Ingredients:

1/2 cup maraschino cherries, drained and finely chopped 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 cup sugar 1 cup cold butter 12 ounces white chocolate baking squares, with cocoa butter, finely chopped 1/2 teaspoon almond extract 2 drops red food coloring (optional) 2 teaspoons shortening red edible glitter

Peppermint Candy Cane Krispies Snowballs Ingredients

村 cup butter 1 10 oz. Package Marshmallows 1/3 cup Crushed Candy Canes 6 cups Rice Krispies速 Cereal 2 14 oz bags white candy melts 2 tbsp Vegetable Oil

Melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium low heat. Add in the marshmallows and allow them to melt completely. Add in the crushed candy canes. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the Rice Krispies速. Pull out heaping tablespoons from the pan and roll into balls. Add a candy came into the center of each ball. Place your finished treats into the fridge for about 15 minutes to cool down. Melt the candy melts according to package directions and add in the vegetable oil to thin the mixture. Dip your cooled treats into the chocolate, sprinkle or decorate, and set aside to cool and harden completely. Note: For a quicker version, simply substitute one 12 oz. bag of white chocolate chips for the melts and oil. Add the chips in with the marshmallows and heat until completely melted. Proceed with adding the candy canes and Rice Krispies速. You can then roll your balls and add sprinkles to the still warm treat.

Bake in preheated oven for 10 to 12 minutes or until centers are set. Cool for 1 minute on cookie sheet. Transfer cookies to a wire rack and let cool. In a small saucepan, combine remaining 8 ounces white chocolate and the shortening. Cook and stir over low heat until melted. Dip half of each cookie into chocolate, allowing excess to drip off. If desired, roll dipped edge in nonpareils and/or edible glitter. Place cookies on waxed paper until chocolate is set. Makes about 60.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Spread cherries on paper towels to drain well. In a large bowl, combine flour and sugar. Using a pastry blender, cut in the butter until mixture resembles fine crumbs. Stir in drained cherries and 4 ounces (2/3 cup) of the chopped chocolate. Stir in almond extract and, if desired, food coloring. Knead mixture until it forms a smooth ball. Shape dough into 3/4-inch balls. Place balls 2 inches apart on an ungreased cookie sheet. Using the bottom of a drinking glass dipped in sugar, flatten balls to 1-1/2-inch rounds. December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 23

Butterscotch Cheesecake Bars Ingredients

1 (11-ounce) package butterscotch chips, melted 1/3 cup butter, softened 2 cups graham cracker crumbs 1 cup chopped nuts (optional) 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened 1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated) 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 egg

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Combine chips and butter; stir in crumbs and nuts. Press half of the mixture into greased 9x13-inch baking pan. In large bowl, beat cream cheese until fluffy; mix in milk, vanilla and egg. Pour over crust; top with remaining crumb mixture. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 to 30 minutes. Cool completely; cut into bars. Makes about 2 dozen. WE Company 2013 Cookie Book

English Tof fee Ingredients

1 cup unsalted butter 1-1/3 cup sugar 1 tablespoon corn syrup, light 3 tablespoons water 1 lb bittersweet chocolate 1 lb pecans -- ground

Melt butter and sugar, add corn syrup and water. Boil over high heat till candy thermometer reads 300 F. Pour on to greased cookie sheet. Break into pieces and dip in melted chocolate. Cover with ground pecans. Note: Recipe kindly donated by San Francisco pastry chef Greg LĂŠon. Yield depends on how large you break the pieces.

24 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

Check out www.mymiwaukeelife.com for more delicious cookie recipes

at home | Crafters’ Corner

Create a Custom Apron for your

Cookie Baking Transferring your iron on transfer image is as easy as following these four steps. 1. Use an ink jet printer, print your image. 2. Let the ink printed on the iron-on transfer dry thoroughly before handling.

3. Trim away any un-printed paper around

your image that you do not want to transfer. 4. Transfer your image onto your fabric using a hand iron.

What you’ll need to make iron-on transfers • An image in a digital format scanned or downloaded from a camera. Make sure you flip or reverse your image. • Pre-washed and dried cotton fabric apron • Iron-on inkjet transfer paper • A color inkjet printer • Hand iron • A flat, hard, smooth, non-porous ironing surface. • A clean soft cloth.

Instructions • Preheat the iron to its highest temperature, do not use steam. • Place your image on the apron face down in the area you want your image transferred. Smooth out the fabric so there are no wrinkles. • Press the iron firmly over the transfer for 15-20 seconds in several areas, making sure to cover the entire transfer in this process. • It is important that you press straight down for this step and lift up the iron completely when repositioning it to another area. Then, using a circular motion and light pressure, evenly heat the transfer for another 15-20 seconds. Put the iron down and rub the hot transfer with your soft, clean cloth for 5-10 seconds.

December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 25

at home | Decor at home | Decor

Get Your Home ready For The

Holidays The holidays are often a time for family, friends, and food, so naturally, the kitchen becomes the main gathering space during festivities. With so much time spent in the kitchen, it’s important to prepare the space for guests. The Milwaukee/NARI Home Improvement Council, Inc., the area’s leading home improvement and remodeling industry resource for 52 years, offers tips to spruce up and organize the kitchen before hosting a holiday get-together.

Prepare for festivities.

Get rid of food. Take time to clear out old food from your refrigerator, freezer, cabinets, and pantry. This will ensure that you have ample space for holiday food and leftovers.

26 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

Make sure the oven is ready. It’s important to check that the oven is working properly before its big role during the holidays. Place an oven thermometer on the middle rack and wait for the oven to preheat to ensure the temperature gauge is functioning. Also, take time to read the manual to make sure you’re using the oven to its full potential.

Up in theAir pets | Dog Talk

“For search-and-rescue dogs, saving lives is all in a day’s work. But these furry heroes don’t all work the same. Nose to the ground. Nose in the air. Not to oversimplify things, but up or down, it’s all in the position of the nose. Trackers, or tracking dogs, put their nose to the ground and get busy. These dogs work from a “last seen” starting point and require something with the missing person’s scent. Trackers don’t search; they follow. They are the dogs you call when a child goes missing on the way to school, when a dementia patient wanders off, when a prisoner escapes. For air-scenters, it’s all up in the air — especially the nose. These highly trained hounds pick up human scent in the air and follow it to its source, whether that be “somewhere” in a national park, in the wilderness, in a body of water or buried under 20 feet of snow in the case of avalanche victims. Air-scenters also are the dogs brought in for what is considered the most challenging of search-and-rescue missions: the urban disaster. In this sense, urban is as much Moore, Okla., in the wake of the recent spate of tornadoes as it was Ground Zero on 9/11. “Urban disaster” refers to a large-scale search for survivors or casualties after the collapse of a building or buildings for any reason — earthquake, flood, hurricane, tornado, fire, accident or terrorism. After an EF-5 tornado ripped through Moore this month, more than 100 people feared dead were rescued from the rubble and debris. Many of them have an air-scenter to thank for that.

Organize the cabinets. Arrange pantry items and move the spices and other ingredients you’ll need to the front. Also, note the things that should be picked up from the grocery store before your gathering. Stock up on the essentials. Make sure you have everything you need for entertaining––garbage bags, containers for leftovers, dish soap, coffee filters, aluminum foil, and other important materials.

Make minor improvements.

Reface the cabinets. Before entertaining guests for the holidays, give the kitchen a “facelift” by updating the look of your existing cabinets. It can be a quite affordable, less time-consuming process. New cabinet hardware can also improve the space’s look.

FEMA’s certification requirements are the only national standards for search-and-rescue teams wanting to specialize in urban disaster work, and those standards are very difficult to meet. According to “How Search and Rescue Dogs Work” by Julia Layton, “Fewer than 100 dog/handler teams in the country are FEMA certified. Local SAR organizations have their own standards for ‘mission ready’ qualification, typically based on guidelines developed by organizations like the American Rescue Dog Association and the National Association for Search and Rescue.” Generally speaking, in order to get anywhere near the rescue end of an urban disaster, a dog must demonstrate competency in the areas of basic obedience, professionalism, mental and physical ability, and tracking skills. But more than size or breed or physique, success as a SAR dog depends on obsession. Toy obsession. The toy is the reward. The deeper the obsession, the more devoted to the mission. Whether working with noses down on the ground or up in the air, SAR dogs do things we humans simply are not equipped to do. For that and for them, we should be grateful. Dog trainer Matthew “Uncle Matty” Margolis is co-author of 18 books about dogs, a behaviorist, a popular radio and television guest, and host of the PBS series “WOOF! It’s a Dog’s Life!” Read all of Uncle Matty’s columns at www.creators.com, and visit him at www.unclematty.com. Send your questions to dearuncle.gazette@ unclematty.com or by mail to Uncle Matty at P.O. Box 3300, Diamond Springs, CA 95619.

Add lighting. Suspend a chandelier over the table or pendants above the island, or incorporate task lighting throughout the space for chopping and other preparation. Lighting adds style and warmth to the room. Replace old appliances. If an appliance isn’t functioning properly, replace it before it’s time to prepare a large holiday meal. Also, consider an appliance with an Energy Star rating to save money on bills. Incorporate décor. An area rug, a holiday wreath, curtains, new linens, and other accessories can add a pop of color to the kitchen and make the space more inviting.

Plan now for a future remodel.

Now is too late to take on a major remodel before the 2013 holidays, but it’s the perfect time to determine what you want for your kitchen—more room for entertaining, a larger island, additional cabinet space, and other upgrades—as you plan for next year’s celebrations. The ideal time to start a kitchen remodel is in the spring and early summer months to ensure everything is completed before the holidays. It’s important not to rush through the process. Start talking with professional designers and builders now so the project can be ready to start in May, which is known as Home Improvement Month.

December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 27

generations | Parent Care

Role for Children

of Seniors By Bruce Nemovitz

Although the source of many of my distress calls has shifted from seniors to children of seniors, the reasons for the calls remain the same. A health change has forced hasty decisions that have led to unhappiness and sadness. Now, the children of seniors have to make the decision for parents who have stayed too long in an environment inappropriate for their current needs. By delaying making a move, the parents are forced into a situation done with little planning due to the urgency of the moment. This has led to the family of the older adult burdened with the pressures of selling the home and determining where their loved one will spend the rest of their days. No parent would ever wish this responsibility to be placed upon a child or family. However, by waiting too long, the family becomes one in crisis, and too often, siblings can turn on each other in the attempt to make the right decisions for their parents. It is important to focus on creating a housing plan for your parents well before crisis time hits. Despite good intentions, some of you may still find yourselves thrown into turmoil and having to get immediate housing for your parents. You will deal with the same issues â&#x20AC;Ś but at hyper speed. Whether you have the luxury of time in working with your parents on a plan for living arrangements or must react with lightning speed, the best approach to manage the myriad decisions involves organizing the steps you must take and tackling them one at a time. To make the process as smooth as possible, one of your first steps takes you to communicating with the rest of the family.

28 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

Communicating with Family

Communication is critical when faced with such a daunting situation as finding the proper fit of housing for your parents, as well as their downsizing after years of accumulation. And you must involve all important members of the family—your siblings, your parents, and trusted advisors. There are financial concerns and medical issues as well. In many cases, the parents may have some medical challenges and cannot contribute to the move as they would like. So that voice calling me for help feels alone and frustrated! Communication is essential, but where does the advice and guidance originate? If you have siblings, you undoubtedly spent many years living with them and know them very well, maybe even too well, and may want to keep some of them out of the discussion about housing for Mom and Dad. Take care if you do so. Each family has its own dynamics, but open communication among all relevant members, although difficult to wade through, usually makes for a better outcome for all concerned. Invariably, siblings will have differing views about how best to care for their aging parents. I have had the honor to work with many families who have struggled through the process of helping parents transition from single-family home living to a senior apartment or community. In the end, the majority of the siblings I work

with have one goal, and that is to make sure their parents are safe and secure with the best possible quality of life. Still, with complicated connections among brothers and sisters, confusion and sometimes disagreements may occur when trying to help mom and dad. In addition, the parents may have strong ideas about how much to involve their children. Many of my seniors choose not to involve their children. Others will not make any decisions without involving at least one child. Some want a consensus of all children before deciding what their best options are. You can see that one size does not fit all when senior parents need to consider a significant change, such as a move to new housing. To add to the complex family dynamics, often one of the children has the burden of most or all decisions for the parents and is then subject to criticism from the other siblings. In other situations, siblings living in other cities or states tend to want solutions quickly, based on a holiday visit. Because they live far away and do not see mom or dad on a daily basis, when they do visit, the physical changes in their parents become much more pronounced. The result is a feeling of urgency to get their parents immediately out of an unhealthy situation, leaving much of the work to the siblings who live closest to mom or dad. This situation can lead to damaged relationships and lasting animosity among siblings.

YOUR FAMILY. OUR PRIVILEGE. Trust Clement Manor for a Continuum of Care

Serving the Milwaukee community for 30 years • Adult Day Services • Independent and Assisted Living • Transitional Care • Long-Term Care • Center for Enrichment Sponsored by the School Sisters of St. Francis

3939 S. 92nd St. Greenfield, Wis. • 414.321.1800 • clementmanor.com December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 29

Milwaukee’s Exclusive Masterpiece Living Continuing Care Retirement Community When all your loved one needs is a helping hand to get them started on their way . . . Eastcastle Place is just the right place with the full continuum of care. Older adults can continue to strengthen themselves, socially, intellectually, spiritually and even physically at any age. Our community culture helps them cultivate a healthy lifestyle.

We offer:

• Spacious Assisted Living Apartments • Memory Support/CBRF • Short-term Respite Care • One Step Closer to Home Furnished Apartments in Assisted Living.

2505 E. Bradford Ave. Milwaukee, WI

414-963-6155 eastcastleplace.com

Family owned and operated senior apartments with a commitment to quality care and exceptional service starting at $2625 monthly. Amenities Include: v Month To Month Contract v 24-Hour Support Staff v Social/Recreational Events v Cable TV/Telephone/WiFi v Weekly Housekeeping/Linen Service v Fine Dining (3 meals/day) v Custom Service Plan (optional) v Weekly Nurse Clinic v No Endowment/Entrance Fee v Pet Wing (optional)

Call or Visit Us At 414-351-1213

9279 N. Port Washington Rd v Bayside www.elizabethresidence.com

30 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

At the same time, the children often have strong emotional attachments to their parents’ home. Despite recognizing the parents’ needs for a move, the children may cry, “It’s just not fair.” We children never want to see our childhood home sold to someone else, to some family that has no idea of the history of this bastion of emotion, to people who have no meaningful connection to the place. This is the case for so many of us. We just assumed mom and dad would never sell the home that provided our safety and happiness for so many years. Well, like the inevitable change of seasons, the time has come for a major change in our parents’ lives as well as in our lives as their children. As with any change, how we get through it will depend on the way in which we choose to view this event. This is the time to put mom and dad’s self-interests first. In many cases, it is only mom or only dad now. Just think of how difficult this decision is for a single senior now without a spouse. It is hard enough for a couple that has stronger emotional connections to the home than do any of their children. This decision had been a labored one, involving many days of anguish and uncertainty. This is the time to put your feelings aside and think of the well-being and happiness of your parents. It has been my experience throughout my career that most children of seniors do put their parents’ self-interest in front of their own. But in some cases, I have witnessed the opposite, where the children have reverted to banging their heads against the wall in protest, just as they did when they were young, living at home with their parents. Take time to assess the true needs of your parents. Would a move be beneficial for them? Would they be closer to the rest of the family, providing a safer situation in case of emergency? Would this new location offer services and choices they currently lack? If you put yourself in their place, would you want to stay where they now are, or would you want to move to a new location? Does the family home currently meet all of their physical demands? Are you willing to help with the everyday maintenance of their home, or are you too busy with your own family and home to help? These are questions you need to ask before you let your emotions run away from the reality of the situation at hand. After you answer these questions honestly, you may find that a move is not only needed but also an immediate necessity. Once you come to this realization, then the loss of your childhood home becomes the gain for mom and dad, as well as the only solution for the entire family. You will always have the memories of growing up, and most important, you will have your parents in a safe and healthy environment.

Understanding Your Parents

It is especially critical to understand the parents’ feelings, fears, anxieties, and wishes for their future. All too often, the children of older adults make assumptions based on their lives and their experiences when making statements and suggestions to siblings and their parents. Parents become frustrated with their children when solutions and goals are determined without the input of the person actually about to move. Many of my senior clients tell me that their children mean well and want the best for their safety and well-being, but do not understand how they feel about moving to a new environment. They do not and cannot understand how overwhelming thoughts of moving, downsizing, and living in an unknown environment can be. It is especially challenging when they have been in their homes for so many years living independently from their children.

“

Dad, I see Mom really wants to move, but I’m not hearing what you want. This is a big step, and it won’t work out well at all if you two don’t agree.

Try to better understand their viewpoint and feelings. This is what I often hear:

”

H Independent Living H Assisted Living H Skilled Nursing

“My kids don’t understand!” “It’s my safety zone.” “I’ve lived here for forty years.” “This home is my memories, not just a building and foundation.” “It’s hard to think of moving to a community and having to make new friends.” “What if my money runs out? Will they kick me out?” “How do I start going through everything? … There’s so much.” “I don’t want to burden my family … but I don’t have anyone to help me.” “What if I move and I hate it?” Over the course of my career in working with seniors and their families, the above questions and comments have been a constant when dealing with moves of seniors from their longtime home. Some have described the stress of moving as somewhere between a divorce and a colonoscopy. Ouch! As we age, change becomes more and more difficult. As children of seniors, we want the best for our parents. We want them in a safe and thriving environment so that peace of mind can be achieved for both children and their parents.

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December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 31

Communication is so important in a successful move, and all too often, our best intentions can overshadow the importance of understanding and truly listening to our parents. In visiting with my senior clients, they will tell me how frustrated they are with themselves and their children. They truly love their children but are upset with their lack of understanding when it comes to the parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; emotional well-being. The older adult is facing a daunting move. The current senior generation, the seventy- to ninety-plus-year-olds, has always been fiercely independent. The thought of relying on others to make their move is distasteful at best. They know their children have busy lives and their own children to worry about. So how do both parent and child understand one another when beginning the process of moving?

â&#x20AC;&#x153;

Children of older adults should meet and discuss each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s feelings about their parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s well-being, and parents should openly share their feelings with each other and their children.

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Listen, listen, and listen!

1/18/13 12:10 PM

â&#x20AC;?

If you want your parents to hear your advice, first listen to them. Intently. Quietly. Calmly. Do not rush them, just waiting for an opportunity for them to stop talking and for you to tell them what they need to do. Hear what they are saying. Understand it. Practice the effective listening skills you have heard about. Repeat back to them what you hear them saying so you and they can be sure you understand their words and intent. Ask questions about what emotions they are experiencing when thinking about the move. Find out what are their greatest fears and talk about them. Understand the memories and intangibles, such as their feelings of deep loss and sadness as they think of giving up their home. For each senior, moving elicits a different set of issues, both mentally. The audience laughed, and eventually, her husband did make the move without being put in a box. When their differences were out in the open, they found a way to resolve them. Too often, differences between husband and wife are kept hidden. In discussing these points, if you are dealing with both mom and dad, pay close attention to how each responds. Too often, I find with couples that the two partners are not on the same page. One wants to move; the

other does not. Or one wants a smaller house, but the other wants senior housing. So the two avoid talking about the issue altogether. Or, when pressed by you, only one might answer. Silence by one of your parents and letting the other respond to your questions can indicate a serious disagreement on what they want to do. This will only create more problems as one parent, consciously or not, works to prevent what he or she does not really want. No one wants to feel forced into any action. So from the start, make sure both parents agree completely. They may have to work their differences out on their own, but you may need first to identify where the disunity lies. Make sure each parent responds to your questions in a clearly forceful way: “Yes” and not just “Well, maybe we should”; or “No way” rather than “Oh, I don’t know.” Hesitation or avoidance indicates weak spots they need to work out. Guide them into this treacherous (in their eyes) territory: “Dad, I see mom really wants to move, but I’m not hearing what you want. This is a big step, and it won’t work out well at all if you two don’t agree. I’m not sure which is the right decision, but I do know you both

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“

Make sure each parent responds to your questions in a clearly forceful way: “Yes” and not just “Well, maybe we should”; or “No way” rather than “Oh, I don’t know.” Hesitation or avoidance indicates weak spots they need to work out. Guide them into this treacherous (in their eyes) territory.

”

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Live Independently Together. 34 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December 2013

need to decide on one—and the same one. Maybe you two had better talk this over some more. I’ll give you time. But I’m not going to let this get swept into a corner and forgotten. I’m going to keep asking until I hear both of you give full support to a single decision Families have complex relationships between people who genuinely love one another and want the best for each other. Children want their parents to thrive with safety and security in mind. Parents want to remain vital and have their health needs met in a safe and secure environment. All in the family may have the same goal in mind, but each may have a differing path to get to that end result. The bottom line is getting together and listening with open ears to one another. Start a conversation with family members today! Children of older adults should meet and discuss each other’s feelings about their parent’s well-being, and parents should openly share their feelings with themselves and their children. These conversations can never start too early. The most difficult moves come at a time when urgency trumps time for discussion. Crisis management does not allow for weeks or months of discussion. Decisions have to be made on the spot, and that is when relationships can truly suffer. Family unity and harmony are the goals of every child or parent, so take time out to listen and understand one another. Leave sibling rivalry to childhood memories so you can truly help your parents! Bruce Nemovitz is a Senior Real Estate Specialist, as well as Certified Senior Advisor. Bruce has sold residential homes in the four county Milwaukee-Metro areas for 35 years. Please feel free to call Bruce or Jeanne (his wife) with any real estate questions you may have at 262-242-6177.

AMENITIES: • Breakfast, lunch and dinner • Daily snack cart with hydration stations • Weekly housekeeping • Laundry service • Heating/Air conditioning • Satellite television with over 30 stations • Scheduled transportation • Wellness Program with over 50 events, 7 days a week • Customized nutrition program • Fall prevention assessment • Alzheimer’s & Memory Care programs • Pull-cord alarm systems in each room • 24-hour security program • Sunroom and outdoor garden areas • Private dining rooms for family use • Computers with free wireless internet, including Skype terminals • iPad program with memory-focused activities

OTHER AMENITIES: • Visiting Physicians Association with Dr. Rama • Full service Barber/Beauty Salon • Memory Training Centers of America services • Work with Health Drive: Clinical organization providing specialized services monthly: Podiatry, Dentistry, Optometry, Audiology

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December2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 35

Moving

“Panes” By Shirley Patzke

Downsizing a need, but so much to lose Friends those with beating hearts Friends fragile glass warm with memories of grandmothers do-dad memories of wonderful travels gifts from a husband away on a trip without me Friends books Gone to a new home ½ shelf of Steinbecks, stacks of loved paperbacks novels never read, classics should have read Friends still here the Brontes. Poe, Whitman must read more Dickens Will I ever finish Ulyses? Friends never part with books of art, antiques, poetry, museums near and far birds, barns, bridges and Oriental rugs bibles, mine and the world’s and then there are the cookbooks! 36 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December2013

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Meet Our Family! SportS

Senior Day at the Zoo

Social Security

SPRING | SUMMER ISSUE

After Bad Ideas

page 9A

Adoption through foster cAre

Section b

Find Your Future in Assistance in Living

Packers Golden Girl page 20A

August 30th

page 2B

Family

fun

check out our calendar of events

The BenefiTs POMMER:

This is a generous tax break page 3A

STATE CAPITOL Don’t keep COMMENT Matt Pommer unneededBypapers page 5A

STATE CAPITOL SpotLight COMMENT

StAy in ShApe without A gym

By Matt Pommer

By Bruce Nemovitz

By Aunt Emma

By Karen Ellenbecker

orgAnizAtionAL tipS

MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION By Bruce Nemovitz

page 10A

page 14A

page 2B

POMMER:

EDITORIALS at his home in naples, Florida. Charles’ rec room has countless Brewers memorabilia, including these large cardboard cutouts of Paul Molitor and robin Yount.

STATE CAPITOL

COMMENT ELLENBECKER: college Financing By Matt Pommer

By Matt Pommer

page 8A

ne xt

Emma

Probably the most controverBy Karen Ellenbecker part of Governor Walker’s &sial Julie Ellenbecker proposed budget for the next two -Lipsky was his deciyears (2013-2015)

SENIOR

IT MAKES ME

sion not to expand the Medicaid program to provide health care for low-income people as envisioned by the federal Affordable Care

By Tom Frazier

MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION By Bruce Nemovitz

Emma

Act (ACA, a.k.a. Obamacare). Also, his decision would decline over $4 billion in federal money to pay for the expansion.

PLANTING TOMORROW’S DREAMS TODAY By Brad Olson

TRAVEL

2010 and required states to cover almost all non-elderly adults with incomes of less than 133 percent of the Federal Poverty Level (FPL)$15,282 for one person, $20,628 for two persons and $31,322 for a family of four. However, a U.S.

ARTS

the WRIGHT SIDE of

By Tom Frazier

By Enis Wright

NEXT 2012.indd 1

Answer Man ENTERTAINMENT

By Enis Wright

March WW PAGES.indd 1

2/18/13 10:05 AM

2013

ENTERTAINMENT

calendar

Living with

ChroniC Pain

Going Back to

Presented by

School?

Sharon

Neuhofer

is Living the

KILLING TIME with Jim McLoone 10/8/12 11:09 AM

of Greater Milwaukee

Resource Directory 2013.indd 1

4/8/13 10:03 AM

Aug WW Pages.indd 1

7/15/13 11:28 AM

calendar

CRABBY 60

IT MAKES ME SPORTS Sports Plus By Jack Pearson By Jack Pearson

the WRIGHT Presented by SIDE of

FRAzIER continued on page 3A

WRITES SENIOR

HERMAN WHITE APRON STRINGS By Aunt Emma

8/5/13 12:13 PM

List Resource guide

KILLING TIME with Jim McLoone

SPORTS By Jack Pearson

CRABBY

BACKGROUND The Affordable Care Act (ACA) went into effect in March

MF-FALL/WINTER 2013.indd 1

HERMAN WHITE WRITES

MONEY SENSE

APRON STRINGS

It’sabout All the

Eyes Women’s Clubs Bring Change

CRABBY

What’s New for Phase Two of Your Life....

By Karen Ellenbecker & Julie Ellenbecker -Lipsky

By Bruce Nemovitz

MONEY SENSE Governor’s budget rejects Medicaid expansion and money By Aunt Emma Answer Man

AGING ISSUES

the WRIGHT SIDE of

ChARLEs continued on page 6A

TRAVEL Frank Charles, Truly a Music Man for Baseball

DON’T MISS 50 Plus Fest & MOVING IN THE retirementRIGHT Show DIRECTION page 5A

SENIOR

By Enis Wright

PLANTING TOMORROW’S DREAMS TODAY By Brad Olson

EDITORIALS

page 3A

STATE CAPITOL COMMENT

in Business

Knowing the Secret to Leadership

FRAzIER continued on page 3A

HERMAN WHITE WRITES APRON STRINGS ARTS ENTERTAINMENT By Aunt Emma Answer Man

IT MAKES 60 ME

AGING ISSUES

By Jack Pearson A fellow I know who loves to stump people on sports trivia once asked me, “Who is the only guy to have played for both the Milwaukee Brewers and the Milwaukee Bucks?” I tried to recall names of athletes who played in

Should Voucher Programs be Expanded

CRABBY

Women

Sara meaney

TRAVEL

for a family of four. But, when the Supreme Court ruled on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act (ACA), it said that states could not be forced to expand Medicaid. Governor Walker and majority Republicans in

calendar

By Tom Frazier

April 2013 Vol 26 No. 4

HEALTH CARE Under the federal Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) low income persons were to receive health care by expanding eligibility for Medicaid to 133% of the Federal Poverty Level (FPL). This equals $15,282 for one person,

SPORTS

By Jack Pearson

page 15B

COMPLIMENTARY

AGING ISSUES

Consider a place that is built around more than just amenities. A place that truly feels like home and where they can live life on their terms.

TODAY EmmaDREAMS By Brad Olson

Is Reverse Mortgage Right for You?

2012

As families gather for the holidays, it is a good time to discuss the right home for your aging loved ones. Do they need that extra added care that you or your family may not be able to provide on your own?

PLANTING TOMORROW’S

8/20/13 9:28 AM

liVing

SPortS

From Player to Security

recently passed state budget, both in & ofJulie terms moneyEllenbecker and people affected, -Lipsky were the decisions to reject increased federal dollars to expand health care for low income people (Medicaid), and to provide tax cuts for “middle class” individuals.

IT MAKES ME

AGING ISSUES

By Tom Frazier

Sept WW Pages.indd 1

PoliticS

Where does your Money go?

SENIOR

APRON

Emma

ARENAs continued on PAgE 13A

STRINGS MONEY SENSE Low income health careMan and middle class tax cuts Answer Two of the biggest items in the $20,628 for two persons, and $31,322

Taking Care of Mom and Dad with Kids

3/7/13 2:00 PM

PLUS Inside

When your child has special needs

TRAVEL

Maintain your home MOVING IN THE page 7ARIGHT DIRECTION

plus FALL FAShion &

HEaltH

involved

Jerry, Marie, daughter lisa and son Tony at last year’s Tent Event. See page 19b for details on the August 25 event.

Once upon a time, the popular question of the day may have been, “After they’ve seen Paree, how do you keep them down on the farm?” This question was asked circa the late 19th century. But now in modMONEY SENSE ern day Southeastern Wisconsin, the question often is, “Why not join the many happy and knowledgeable By Karen Ellenbecker people who& are dining at the ever-popular Palmer’s Steakhouse, nestled alongside the picturesque Bark Julie Ellenbecker -Lipsky River in downtown Hartland? More than taste buds are satisfied there. What is the secret to Jerry and Marie Arenas’ success? There is none. This answer is obvious: Serve great food. Do so in satisfying quantities and the diners will come. We won’t even mention the good drinks served from their bar. In fact, they do so on such a regular basis that Jerry and Marie know most

NEMOViTz:

Are you Sandwiched?

Eye Care

EDITORIALS

ELLENBECKER:

Volunteer

Shape Up!

EDITORIALS

Vol. 14 No. 8 | August 2013 | Complimentary

Vol. 14 No. 9 | September 2013 | Complimentary

A Sister’s Legacy

of being BeinG

Jerry and Marie Arenas work toward a cure

August 2013 Vol 26 No. 8

COMPLIMENTARY

Vol. 14 No. 3 | March 2013 | Complimentary

The Disease that Whispers

MF Pages SPRING\SUMMER 2012.indd 1

of Greater Milwaukee

FALL / WINTER 2013 | CompLImENTARy

of Greater Milwaukee

KILLING TIME with Jim McLoone PLANTING TOMORROW’S DREAMS TODAY By Brad Olson

SPORTS Sports Plus

By Jack Pearson

HERMAN WHITE WRITES

Plus publications 60

ARTS

the WRIGHT SIDE of By Enis Wright

ENTERTAINMENT

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Where to go

Looking for a great holiday play to go to? The Pabst Theater ‘A Christmas Carol,’ through December 24, milwaukeerep. com or 414-224-9490. Needing gifts to give to the hostess at house parties this Christmas season? Pick up a gift box or have one sent out for those special people at Usingers, 1030 N Old World 3rd St., Milw., 414-276-9105. Where to get a gift certificate for a spa visit to a friend, mother, sister, daughter or even yourself? The Well Spa & Salon The Pfister Hotel, 424 E. Wisconsin Ave., 414-227-

December Activities for All

9207 or escape to the Dells area and visit the Sundara Inn & Spa, 920 Canyon Rd., Wisconsin Dells, 888-7358181.

Need an indoor event that will take your breath away? Visit The Domes 524 S. Layton Blvd. for the Nutcracker Suite Holiday Floral Show through January 5, 2014. Also, Music Under Glass on Thursdays from 6:30 – 9 p.m., runs daily through January 5. Call 414-257-5611 for details.

Need to host the event for your holiday party? Choose from over 40 park locations throughout Milwaukee (in the parks pavilions), call 414-257-8005 or visit countyparks.com.

Where to go for breakfast/ lunch with Santa? Milwaukee County Zoo December dates of 7, 8, 14, 15, 21 & 22. Be sure to call ahead to make reservations, 414-258-2333.

Need that special outfit for the holidays? Shop Robin’s Nest for the current trends in fashion from office to evening wear at N89 W16398 Main St., Menomonee Falls, 262-2552330.

Need to find that right piece of jewelry for the holiday?

Visit Bangles & Bags 611 Main Street, Delafield, 262-646-4534.

Take the kids to a play? ‘The Best Christmas Pageant Ever’ at the Todd Wehr Theater, Marcus Center for the Performing Arts through December 29.

Looking to buy cookies and more? Cookie Walk---Holy Apostles Anglican Church December 7th, 9 a.m., cookies, handmade affordable jewelry and a Christmas Rummage! 414-759-2075

December 2013 WISCONSIN WOMAN | 39

40 | WISCONSIN WOMAN December2013