Love Notes The notes only started about three months after Ella and Louise moved in together. The pair, while trying to maintain that they were “just friends” was absolutely, completely, sickeningly sweetly inseparable. So naturally, when one was without the other it was an issue for the both of them. They missed each other like crazy, not that they’d ever admit it. Even the little things got a note; Lou going to a club while Ella stayed in because of a migraine, Ella getting ice cream with her sister while Louise stayed home to work on her art. The pair was pretty dependent on each other, constantly wanting to spend time together, never getting sick of the others company, tucked in their little apartment, whispering jokes and promises and ridiculous things that just screamed I seriously can’t live without you. And in all actuality, they couldn’t. So when Lou was awoken by a phone call from her friend Callie, begging her to help her put together a bookshelf from Ikea because her boyfriend was busy and bribing her with lunch and margaritas, she felt bad leaving Ella alone all day. She was still sleeping when Lou poked her head in the room, snoring slightly, the sun hitting her face in the most gorgeous fashion. And well, she couldn’t just leave her there. She definitely wasn’t going to wake her either. And texting was out the window because Ella was constantly losing her phone in their shared quarters. Louise knew that technically, she had no obligation to let Ella know where she was going, and technically she should just leave her there and go out without a second thought. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. She shifted through the kitchen drawers before finding a stack of sticky note and a pen that actually worked. She wrote a quick message and stuck it on Ellas bedroom door. Hey El, I went over to Callies for lunch and to help her put a shelf together. Stop by if you want, idk how long I’ll be gone.
- Lou xo Neither of them mentioned the note, but when Ella popped into Callies place later that afternoon, there was a knowing smile playing on her lips wile she smiled at Louise in an adoring way. Louise liked that. The next note was from Ella, about a week later. She was venturing out to get groceries for the week. Ella definitely could’ve texted Louise, her phone was basically glued to her hand, but she loved the note Lou had left her. It was oddly domestic and sweet and- no, Lou was just her best friend. Any more than that would get complicated. Yet she still took the note off her nightstand, flipped it over, scrawled a message of her own. LouGirl, I’ve run to do the grocery shopping, anything in particular you want? Text me if so. I’ll only be gone about an hour or so, unless I decide I need some Bread Co. - EllaBella And yes, she left out the part about wishing Lou was coming with her, but those thoughts were better left unwritten and not out in the open, because her world would be upturned if they came out. But halfway through her shopping escapade, she got a text from Louise that wiped those thoughts out of her head and plastered a smile on her face. LouLou: Get me some oatmeal crème pies! Oooh, better yet get the ingredients and make me them instead, cuz you loooooove me! Xoxo So Ella did just that. She grabbed what she needed, made the short drive back home, blared some Elton John, and danced around the kitchen while baking the cookies.
After that, the notes kept coming as the months went on. Soon pads of paper, tape, and markers were scattered throughout the apartment, used all the time. It became sort of a game for the two; who could write the cheesiest note, or who could leave it in the most ridiculous place, and soon it was just a part of their routines. Ella Darling, I’m over at Melanie’s, her and Rian got in a fight, so ice cream and Nicholas Sparks movies await! Feel free to crash the sob-fest. Love you sweet pea! LouGirl xx Although their antics wasted a lot of paper, Ella wasn’t too surprised when a mini dry erase board appeared on the wall between their rooms. Louise didn’t say a word about it, just smiled that coy smile and left the room with a slight shrug. Doodles and pictures soon adorned the board and the space around it, and soon enough it was very much theirs. Notes vaired, little messages and each got more…. lovey-dovey, you could say. The word ‘girl’ disappeared, replaced by ‘love’ and ‘babe’. It was friendly, all in a day’s fun, but it kind of got carried away yet neither did anything to stop it. Ella started leaving more ‘xoxo’s when Lou got a boyfriend, she hated the fact that she no longer had those lavender eye’s attention. LouBearrr, I’m off to see Gemma, I’ll text you later. And hey, do some laundry you lazy bitch! Haha, you know I’m just messing with you, love. Anyways, I’ll get going before this gets too clingy, cause you know I love ya! Your ElBug xx
What Ella did like, the only upside to Lou having John, was the fact that even though Lou was gone more often, her messages got cuter and cuter. Each one contained a little apology, like Ella deserved her attention more than John did, and while she knew that wasn’t true, she liked the feeling. But the jelousy got to her sometimes, coursing through her body and sometimes making her irritable. Along with that, came sadness. She couldn’t stand when Louise would come home and rave about a date, she hated when she talked about being in his arms or kissing him. But Ella couldn’t find the energy to get mad or frustrated anymore, she was mostly just sad. One night when Lou went out to see John, leaving while Ella was still in the shower, she finally gave in. She finally cried when she read the cute message with hearts around it. She could hear Louises’ sarcastic voice as she started at the familiar scrawl. Hey bae, I went to Dick’s with John, he needed new cleats or something, and since I’m the worlds most supportive girlfriend, of course I agreed to go! ;) While you’re home if you’re not too terribly busy, mind cleaning the living room? And maybe my room too cause you love me? You do love me don’t you darlin’? Don’t cha?! You’re grinning like a fool right now, I know it. I’ll be back later with some cake-pops, because I’m just the best. Love you babe, sorry I left you all alone! - BooBear xxx It was the BooBear that got her. Louise hated that nickname, she hated it so much she rarely even let Ella use it, and signing her name like that? It was suddenly just too much. Louise found her later, leaned up against the wall with her knees pulled up to her chest, weeping. She just couldn’t keep on with this
game anymore. She couldn’t just lie, flirt, or laugh it off. All because of a stupid note. “Ella? El, come on sweetie. Tell me what’s wrong?” Louise begged, starting to tear up herself. “I love you.” Ella managed to get out, but knew immediately that Lou didn’t understand. “Well, I love you too, silly. Now tell me what’s wrong!” Lousie exclaimed, while Ella sighed. She was tired, and didn’t even bother to lie. “It’s all wrong, y’know? You being with John. The fact love him, and you date him. And not me. I want you to want me the way you want him. But you won’t and you never will and then you had to go and write BooBear and just stomp on what’s left of my heart.. I can’t take this anymore Lou, I just can’t.” Ella cried, choking on tears. Louise frowned, and as realization hit, she slowly backed away and went to her room, locking the door behind her. Ella didn’t bother begging or pleading, she just got up and wiped the board off and grabbed a marker. At Nora’s. It seemed that even after that, she couldn’t just leave without a note. Ella spent the night at Nora’s place, crying on her shoulder between bites of Ben & Jerry’s, while the firey redhead insisted that she was better than Lou, that she didn’t need Lou, and could have anyone she pleased. But all Ella wanted was Louise. The next night when she finally went home, Lou wasn’t there. The message she’d left the previous night was still on the whiteboard, as if to taunt her. She rushed past it into her bedroom, blaring music and breaking things like her lamp, her clock, a framed picture of the two of them at their senior prom.
Louise heard it all. Louise hated herself, she hated the situation, and right then, she hated everything. The blaring Coldplay, the crashes of glass breaking, the sobs; it was the soundtrack to her pity party. She didn’t leave her bed, ignoring calls from John, texts from Melanie, even calls from her mom. She ignored everything for a week. That week was terrible for both of them. They tiptoed around each other, barely speaking or making eye contact. They avoided each other like the plague around their small apartment, but only left when the absolutely needed to. And when they did, despite all the crazy shit going on, they left a note. Getting groceries Or, At Callie’s. And the worst of all, Out. Those notes stung the worst. Slowly but surely, they started to drift apart. No more gossip, no more Grey’s Anatomy marathons, no more cooking together, much less looking at one another. But Ella knew that Lou did look at her, when she thought she wouldn’t see. Ella did the same; wishing, wanting, needing to talk to Louise. As weeks passed, Ella went out to the bar in hopes of forgetting. Forgetting the bullshit. At this point, she didn’t even want to be with Louise anymore, didn’t need to be with her. She just needed her best friend back. So maybe that’s what made her go out in the hall late one night, wipe down the rarely used board, and write two words. I’m sorry. And she knew exactly when Lou read it when she heard a crash.
Lou’d just gotten home from a date with John, a date that did not go well, and when she passed the board, she froze seeing those two words. Something just made her snap. Ella had no reason to be sorry. This was all her fault, and the fact that Ella, sweet ElBug thought she was to blame at all was enough for indescribable emotions to erupt, tears to start falling, and a whimper to get out as she tore the board from the wall and threw it toward the living room. And she just sat there, because she couldn’t handle it. She noticed Ella stick her head out of her door, look her way and retreat back into her bedroom. And for a moment, she thought that was it. But Ella reappeared, walked past her, and out the door. Dropping a folded note as she went. Louise unfolded the note carefully and read through her tears. I miss you, Lou. And god, she missed the other girl so much. So she grabbed the whiteboard off the floor, spent a good ten minutes trying to get it back on the wall (she ended up duct taping it, because well she was no miracle worker), wiped it clean, bad wrote in hopes that Ella would see it when she got back. I miss you too, ElBug. Ella saw the note when she got home, stumbling backwards, lips attached to a random girl from the bar. When she took in what the note said, she froze up. But Louise still didn’t want her; she still loved John. So she led the girl into her room, aware that Lou could probably hear them, and let herself forget just for a little while. The girl (she couldn’t remember her name) was gone when Ella woke up to see Louise standing in her doorway, biting her lip. “Hi.” Ella said, taking the plunge.
“Hey” Louise muttered softly. “I.. I really do miss you.” “I miss you too.” Ella replied, getting out of bed and slipping on her robe. She was aware that Louise slightly frowned at the hickie on her neck, but she ignored it. “Can we.. I just need my best friend back. I need you.” Louise struggled to say, and Ella smiled. “I need you too, we’ll always be best friends, even in the retirement home when we’re racing around on our motor scooters.” Ella teased with a grin. Louise laughed, that familiar sound that Ella had missed so much over the last few weeks. “Can I hug you?” Ella asked timidly, not wanting to ruin the progress they’d just made. “Of course you moron, since when do you need to ask?” Louise joked, their banter flowing like it had never stopped. And for the next few weeks, everything was awesome again. They talked about everything, teased each other, go drunk on wine together. It was all the same, almost painfully so, but still a huge improvement over the weeks of silence they’d agreed would never happen again. But they never spoke of Ellas confession, never discussed that the younger girl may have been in love with the older, who was her best friend and in love with an awesome guy already. Except she didn’t really love him, but out of fear she never confessed that. Notes became a good thing again, they were filled with nicknames, hearts, and apologies. Ella dear, I’m going to see Zoe.. I’m pretty sure she knows what happened… did you tell her? Not that I care. Want me to pick up some dinner on the way back? Maybe some 54th? Let me know babe!
Love you, so glad we’re friends again, Louuuuu After that, they were Lou and Ella again. Ella would cook them breakfast like she used to, and Louise did the laundry. They lounged around and gossiped and watched their favorite shows together. They were perfect again. But not really, there was still the whole John isn’t me thing that hung above them like a cloud, until one day Ella just opened her mouth without thinking one night while watching tv. “How are things with John?” She asked on a commercial break. She noticed Lou tense up and started to panic, but clamed down when she began to speak. “Good.” Louise replied simply, and Ella thought that was that. “Well that’s good.” There was a long pause before finally, Lou grabbed the remote and muted the show they were watching. “Except its not.” Louise muttered while Ella drew back in surprise. “Good I mean.” “What’s wrong? I mean, I get it if you don’t want to say.. you know because of me. But I’m hear to listen, even if you just want to complain about him. Quite frankly, I think I’d like that.” Ella added with a slight chuckle. “I’m sure you would.” Louise smirked and wait, did they just address what happened? “So?”
“So.. he’s kind of boring. Like, don’t get me wrong, I like him. He’s hot and smart and everything I want, but I just don’t know..” she trailed off. “Yeah you do, you just don’t want to say it.” Ella replied, catching on quickly. She wasn’t stupid. “How did you…?” Louise trailed, raising an eyebrow. “You have a tell. I can always tell when you’re lying. I know you better than anyone you dork.” Ella smiled. “I, okay fine. I just.. I keep wanting him to be more like you. I want him to make some stupid joke, or a bad pun, or laugh like an idiot at the childish things I laugh at but he doesn’t, and I know it’s stupid but I just.. I want that. I want everything that is.. well you.” She sighed, and Ella felt her heart soar. “But I can’t break up with him, I love him. Okay, no I don’t but I should. I should love him. I can’t hurt him. I should stay with him, right?” Lou asked and Ella’s stomach dropped. “You know I can’t decide for you.” “Yeah, you really could. It would make my life ten times easier.” Louise mumbled, avoiding Ella’s green eyes. “You know I can’t stand him, so I’d be ecstatic if you left him. But if you don’t, I’ll stick by you. You’re my BooBear after all.” Ella laughed, and settled back next to Lou on the couch. And it was as if the conversation ever happened, like they’d never breached the topic, her feelings toward the younger girl had never gotten out. Somehow, that was worse. The next day, she woke up to the smell of bacon and music coming from the kitchen. Surprisingly, there was a note on the new whiteboard. Sweetheart,
I’m making you pancakes. Can John make you pancakes? I don’t think so. Come and get this deliciousness! -El xoxoxo P.S. You look at your hands when you lie. That’s your tell. And Louise just grinned, ignoring the ache in her chest and how true the first line was and how obvious the feelings attached were, and instead she went and hugged Ella from behind before shouting “Guess who?!” They fed each other bites of pancakes and they both tired to ignore how couple-like it was, and how much that hurt, For about a week, everything was fine. The messages were more frequent, written as they passed to board, not just when they went out. They’d reply to each other in different colors, and giggle when they saw each other read it, and occasionally blush at them. So Ella, If you’re getting with the ladies now, are you the guy or the girl in the relationship? I can’t imagine you taking the shots from someone else. -Lou xx Hey Lou, Shut the fuck up, don’t be a bitch! -Ella xx Hey Elliot, I’m gonna call you Elliot now. -Lou xx
Fine Louis, no issue with me. Asshole! I went there. Don’t make me take my earrings out!! Guuuurrrrrrl What are we even doing right now?! Idk, but it’s hilarious. That, my friend, is so true. I could be more than a friend, you know. And Louise felt herself pale upon reading that message, emotions coursing through her body. God, why did she have to go and write that? Why’d she have to ruin what they’d built back up the last few weeks? Things were good, great even. And now Ella had to go and be a loveable, innocent idiot and write that. But it struck a chord. Because while she felt dread hit him, long buried butterflies fluttered around in her tummy. Not once, ever, had she felt that with John. But Ella, with one scrawled line had her feeling like she was in middle school again. Well that might have meant something, so she replied. I know. And Ella wasn’t really surprised to see the short reply, not at all really, so she said nothing and things went on as normal as they could after the knowledge that the girls wanted each other, and could potentially have each other, but didn’t. And it sucked.
Hey Louuuuuu, I’m going shopping with Gemma, I need some new clothes. She mentioned something about wanting a new biker jacket, but I like wearing yours so I’ll just keep stealing yours. Anywho, I’ll be back later! Text me lovely. -ElBugg xxxoo But when Ella got back, the apartment was dark and quiet, and she assumed Lou had left, and maybe went out with John, so she hung up Lou’s jacket and padded over to see the whiteboard. She felt her heart stutter. I broke up with him. -Louise With that, Ella rushed straight to Lous’ bedroom, and opened the door quickly. Frowning, she walked into her own room and found her wrapped in her bed, eyes dry but sad, Love Actually playing on the television. “Hey.” Ella mumbled. Louise’s head snapped toward her, gorgeous lavender eyes darkening. “Hey, love.” “You.. do you want me to..” Ella stuttered, cursing herself for being so awkward. “Just hug me and promise to hold me all night? Yeah, that’d be nice.” Lou murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. Like it was her instinct, Ella was across the room in seconds, getting under the duvet and wrapping her arms around Lou, who held onto her somewhat desperately. She tried not to be happy, because even though it gave her hope for being happy, her bestfriend was hurting.
“Are you sad?” Ella asked simply, biting her lip as she leaned back, arms still around Lou’s waist. “I should be. But I’m just not. I think I’m sad that I’m not sad, y’know?” Louise asked softly. “Yeah, I know.” Ella reassured her, and kissed her forehead lightly, trying to control herself. They were silent for a bit, occasionally catching each others eyes studying each others faces. Ella realized she may have lingered a little too long on Lou’s perfect pink lips when they turned up into a smirk. “You never could lie, El.” She said, just above a whisper. “And you?” Ella questioned. Louise’s eyes flickered to Ella’s lips, and though she blushed, her gaze didn’t falter. “Yeah, me either.” A beat of silence came after, before Ella took a shaky breath. She knew it was a risky move, but there wasn’t an alternative, at least not in her mind. “You can kiss me if you want.” Ella whispered, so quietly she barely heard it herself. “Yeah.” Lou breathed. And Ella couldn’t help but smile when Louise closed the gap between the two of them, softly pressing their lips together. Nerves zinged, butterflies fluttered, but nothing mattered because their mouths were finally against each others, moving sweetly and gently like they were the only people in the world. It didn’t last long, but it was fairly perfect. Neither of them tried to push it any further, their hands didn’t move from the others torso.
“Love you.” Ella murmured when they pulled away, her green eyes sparkling, and Lou’s finally brightening as well. “Yeah.” Louise whispered, curling into Ella’s side. They fell asleep soon after, and when Ella woke up the next morning, Louise was gone. She felt her stomach hit the floor as regret washed over her. She had made a big mistake. She shouldn’t have been so stupid. But when she pulled the covers off of her and moved into the hallway, a grin came across her face. Hey love, Don’t you think for a second that I regret last night, because I don’t. I just went to the gym to clear my head. I don’t regret you Ella, I love you so much. That being said, I need some time to think. Give me a few days, okay? I’m kind of confused, but the one thing I do know is I need you. I’ll be back soon, and you better be here waiting for me. After all, you always are. Love you. -Lou xx And Ella did wait. She waited until she got home, and they cuddled on the couch eating popcorn and drinking wine. She waited that night, when without a word, Louise crawled into her bed just to cuddle. She waited the next day too, when Louise acted like nothing had changed. Ella waited for nearly a week and a half, constantly being a good friend, cooking her dinner and singing for her like she knew she loved. Her waiting paid off 9 days later, when Ella got home from a jog. Ella hopped straight into the shower after giving Lou a peck on the cheek,
tired and sweaty from the August sun. Once she’d somewhat tamed her curly brown hair, she wrapped a towel around her body and walked into the hall to find a new message. Hello there you babe. We’re going to play a little game (and yes I know that sounds like a Saw movie, but just go with it.) Just follow my instructions for the sake of romance, okay? 1. 2. 3. 4.
Go to the kitchen and make us our favorite chai. Grab some food, also. Take the stairs by the elevator and go all the way to the roof. I’ll be waiting.
I love you more than you realize. -Your Louise xxoo A huge smile formed on Ella’s face, her dimples in full effect. She slipped on a sundress, and anxiously did as the note said. She prepared the chai and grabbed a box of mint malanos, and made her way out of their apartment. She slowly trekked up the stair, careful not to spill their tea and upon reaching the top, pushed the door open carefully. It was still warm, but with a slight breeze, as the suns pink, orange, and red rays were setting over the horizon. It was gorgeous, but nothing compared to the way Lou looked sitting on a patio chair her eyes twinkling and a look of contentment gracing her features. “Hey there Jigsaw.” Ella teased hoping to make the atmosphere a little less tense. “Hey, let me help you with those, then come sit, we need to talk.” Louise instructed grabbing a mug from Ella and directing her over to a blanket she’d laid out for them. Ella laid on her side, and Louise joined sitting cross-legged next to her taking a deep breath.
“So?” Ella sighed. “So I wanted to tell you something. I son’t know if you know this, but when I get attached to someone, and need to say something important, I always freeze up. So I figured if it all started with notes, maybe it should end with one. Well not that this, we’re ending, just.. ugh read this, yeah?” Louise stumbled over her words turning an adorable shade of pink as she handed Ella a crinkled up piece of paper. Ella, There are so many things I could apologize for in my life. For not sharing my crayons in kindergarten, for knocking down my brothers lego towers, for not visiting my dad enough. Hell even for all those times I yelled at you and the girls because I was PMSing. But the thing I regret most out of my twenty-three years is hurting you. You mean more to me than I think you realize, and I can’t live without you. Those few weeks we didn’t speak? The absolute worst of my life. I missed you so, so much and lately I’ve been missing you again, but in a completely different way. This time, I miss what I had for all of five minutes. When I kissed you.. I felt like I was floating on a fucking cloud or something equally amazing and cheesy. You give me butterflies Ella, and I’ve never felt that with anyone else. When I saw that you’d written that you could be mine, I just got this perfect image in my head. And that’s when it hit me, if we’re not sitting next to each other sharing kisses and whispers and maybe even wearing wedding rings in a few years, then something’s wrong. I want everything with you. I want to wake up in your arms, and fall asleep next to you. Also sex, because well its sex. But my point is, I realized why I hated hurting you so much. Everyone knows I love you, lore than almost anyone. But.. I also love you, love you. If you catch my drift.
And hopefully this letter wasn’t too dumb or overdone because I have a feeling you’ll be smirking by now like the little tart you are and I’ll be as red as the rose tattoo on your arm. But it’s okay because I needed you to know, El. I need to know. Will you be mine? Do all of those things with me? Cause if you can agree to put up with all of my bullshit, I can make it so, so worth it. I love you dollface. -Louise, your hopeful girlfriend in about a minute. Xoxoxoxox Louise bit her lip nervously as Ella read further and further down, her green eyes glistening, lighting up and beaming. Her smile grew steadily, more and more until she was grinning, her adorable dimples showing on her cheeks. When Ella finally looked up, Lou was crying from the nerves and Ella was crying because, well Louise wasn’t sure why. “So? Yeah, I know it was cheesy as shit, but I just really love you and-” “Shh!” Ella interrupted. “Oh my god, did you just shush me?!” Louise asked faking anger. “I’m trying to pour my heart out and my bestfriend decides to shush me!” “I’m pretty sure your girlfriend is allowed to shush you.” Ella corrected, and Louise swore her heart stopped right then and there. “So that’s a yes?” She asked meekly, a small smile forming on her lips. Ella simply reached down and grabbled the note, flipped it over, and took the pen that was conveniently sitting next to her. Yes.
** A year later, after a late night out with her old college buddy, Louise came home to little notes all over their apartment, with arrows directing her to their bedroom. She opened the door to find her girlfriend sitting on the bed with the whiteboard Lou hadn’t even noticed was missing in her hands, a simple message scrawled across it. Louise, Marry me? -Ella xx