If I Were a Cat

We recently acquired a 6 year old Maine Coon cat, and a red barn kitten of undetermined background. After watching them this morning, I wished I could be so happy hitting a fallen flower leaf around the kitchen floor.

It was cute, as sometimes they can be, although mostly they just annoy me and Fritz our blind dog who doesn’t understand what this thing is that occasionally brushes up against him, nor does he want to.

That got me thinking…if I was a cat, what would I do, or not do. It’s in no particular order.

I would not jump on every piece of furniture that has a Christmas decoration in an attempt to break as many as I can so that I could bat the little pieces around the floor when I don’t have a flower leaf.

I would probably not sleep on top of the dvr box because it is warm, but if I was cold and did so, I would do my best to not drool onto the very expensive radio next to it.

I would come when my mom and dad call because they feed me, give me shelter, and provide a usually clean place to poop. (I would also, if I could read, look up the record for the most cat poop ever cleaned out of a litter box, by weight. I would win, paws down.)

I would know the difference between daytime and nighttime and which is the right time for sleep time. If I did have insomnia, I would not jump in a never ending circle from bed to end table to dresser to bed to hamper to scurrying around the floor like a mad man, or mad cat, thereby waking up the sleeping humans.

I would definitely scratch myself wherever I could but nothing else in the house.

I could, and would, lick myself.

I would leave the poor blind dog alone. He doesn’t want anything to do with me and just wants to be content and happy as he was before I was transported here in some uncomfortable plastic cage. (Instead of having to be caught with a fishing net, I would willingly be put in that hard, cold box to go to a building where a person in a white lab coat inserts a long glass thing into my most private place, pulls it out, looks at it, and then puts it back in her pocket. So gross.)

As an aside…I go for yearly prostate exams, so I feel the cat’s pain. At least he’s not asked to bend over and put his elbows on the table in what can only be described as the most emasculating position ever invented by doctors, stripping away every shred of manliness any man over fifty ever had. (No wonder guys in their forties have a mid-life crisis…they know what’s coming.)

But most importantly, whenever my mom sat down, I would climb up and sleep on her lap because she loves me.

Dad can scratch himself.

JoHn SCHaninger iS a lifelong reSident of PennSylvania and HaS lived in uPPer blaCK eddy for over 13 yearS reaCH Him at m12String@aol Com

Think Local. Buy Local. Be Local.

Valentine’s Day & Your Dog

Why walls need to go to the bathroom. It’s because they love because they

My youngest pup, Kai, has entire when I let her out of her crate. She sings like a baby Chewbacca - "awh-ewh-woo–woo"! She uses her entire butt to wag her tail that’s banging off everything. You’d think she just won the lottery. It really feels like she unconditionally loves me. Hell, my husband barely acknowledges my return home unless I have groceries. Dogs show us they love us all the time. They have an entire house to choose a resting place but they choose to sleep right by our feet. Why is it a parade every time we go to the bathroom? We really don’t need the company but our dogs want to be with us. They don’t care if we didn’t brush our teeth or combed our hair.

According to Business Insider, U.S. pet owners spend roughly $681 million dollars on their pets for Valentine’s Day; that’s a lot of kibble! We go to big specialty stores and buy everything from heart-shaped cookies to doggy perfume. I’m sorry, but the quality and ingredients of these treats are questionable besides being overpriced. The last thing my dog wants is to smell like perfume. This Valentine’s Day why not look for something a little different your dog. Something he will love and won’t break the bank? How about freeze-dried banana chips. Canned beef tripe if you can’t find fresh (smells horrible but your dog will love it). Try some homemade Tuna Fudge Dog Treats, your dog will love you for it!

Tuna Fudge Recipe:

• 2 -6 oz. cans of tuna do not drain (you can substitute canned salmon)

• 1 ½ cup whole wheat flour

• 1 tsp. garlic powder

• 2 eggs lightly beaten

• ¼ cup grated parmesan cheese

• Mix all ingredients together using a mixer or food processor

• Spread onto a greased 9”x 9” pan. Bake in a 350°oven for 20 minutes

• Store in the refrigerator for up to 3 days or cut into little squares and freeze for tasty little training treats

When Kai gazes into my eyes to see if I see her, and I do, I can’t do it without smiling. Face it we love them just as much as they love us, Bone appetite!

Submitted by marion C. o’neil CPdt-Ka, Ctdi, owner and inStruCtor for molaSSeS CreeK dog training, llC, QuaKertown and trainer rainer for runaway farm Pet HoSPital, PennSburg SHe Can be reaCHed at molaSSeSCreeK@verizon net