Reevaluating Modern Love

Dear, me from the past,

When you think of romance and true love, what do you see?

Is it the devotion of Shakespeare's sonnets?

Is it that bouquet of flowers?

Is it that twinkle in their eyes that only love could make shine so bright? Or…

Do you snort at the thought?

Do you see the scar of the sharp burn of betrayal?

Are you reminded of bruises, of the draining of any energy for love that you once had? The confusing texts, the change in attitude when with friends, the lack of you on their feed…

I think it's about time we reevaluate what true love looks like in the modern world. The modern world is one of great progression, it's a world where a feminine shaved head does not mean a butch lesbian, a man no longer loses his masculinity when he cries. But, with all these societal changes comes negative equals.

We as a generation are always told how much easier life has grown to be compared to the ones before us. There is no denying that. Although I do believe that we have our own equal amount of issues to face.

As the slow process of courtship fades into a concept only seen in old tales, in comes the simplicity of sliding into DMs.

It is in this easiness that I believe we have lost track of what the truest forms of love can, and should, look like.

Please don't doubt, I am not saying that an imperfect love is not genuine, but rather, that a disingenuous love is far from perfect and you must not feel obligated to persevere and "push through it” in hopes that they will change. Simply put, as your friend, I'm telling you to cut out that bullshit.

Being told that they want to keep the relationship a secret? Cut that out.

Being told that you expressing how they make you feel is being dramatic? Nuh uh. Having to watch them openly interacting with explicit posts on instagram where everyone can see, and being told that you are invading their privacy? Bye. See you never.

Or even, "You know I love you, I want to spend my life with you... but, you aren't attractive, so, I need to be allowed to see other people too so that I can be happy with you. Our relationship isn't like anyone else's, we're different, we're just so in love"? We don't have time for any of that gaslighting.

Those are all common examples of abuse and definitely not love. In place of being called "crazy“, there should be a "beautiful" or "inspirational". Instead of being told to be grateful, you should be told that it is impossible to fully express how valuable you are to them.

Even in the middle of tough times you should feel that no matter what happens you can trust them to be mindful of both their own feelings and also of yours.

Yes, at times you may overreact to something, you're human, that doesn't make you crazy. Yes, at times you may disagree on something but that does not mean you should flinch when they reach for the remote. Yes, they might not understand why you don't want to see them interacting with certain posts, but they should respect you enough to try to.

With all the acceptance that has come with a new generation, it can feel like we believe that we must be more complacent in scenarios that we are faced with. To have nothing but good chill vibes. But we must tell that complacency to shut the hell up. That is not love. This is the modern-day, where we can stand up and tell them to cut that shit out!

Love, Future me

P.S. Karma finds them don’t worry.