CONDOMS,CHOKINGANDCONNELLWALDRON THEVARIOUSDEPICTIONSOFSEXINPOPULARFILM ANDTV

Writes Ciara Barrett

| SEXPRESS EDITOR AND ROSEMARIE O’BYRNE | FILM & TV EDITOR

In a day and age where there is a new, incredibly warranted, focus on the importance of consent and bodily autonomy, it doesn’t bear thinking about the volume of misinformation and inappropriate portrayals of sex and relationships that still exist in the film industry That’s not to say that it has never been well executed Television series like Normal People and Sex Education have reminded viewers that, despite the fantasies that plaster the big screen so often, at the end of the day, moments of intimacy involve flawed and multifaceted human beings Having sex and relationships portrayed in this meaningful way is at its core a revolutionary act The prevalence of sex as a focal point of mainstream media in recent years has proven to have its upsides, increasing and encouraging general sex positivity, and educating the masses on things that aren’t always talked about in school Although this representation of BDSM and kink culture has helped give sexuality a refreshing change in reputation, running wild with information you saw in a movie might not yield the best results The way in which BDSM is shown in the media can have a lasting negative impact on the culture as a whole Pop culture today encompasses both the good and the bad in terms of how sex and kink culture are shown, from Sex Education to Fifty Shades of Grey, and everything in between

E L James’ Fifty Shades of Grey, for example, which portrays sex through a lens which caters to the male gaze, in a dangerous guise of female empowerment While the film may first appear progressive by exploring the theme of female sexuality, which is often a controversial one, the reality is that the movie falls victim to the problematic belief that women should compromise on their own feelings of comfort and safety to prioritise a man’s pleasure Fifty Shades claims to destigmatize sex, especially more taboo matters like BDSM, however, what it actually does is perpetuate even more harmful ideas surrounding the subject by misinforming its viewers about such practices. This proves that not all representation is good representation, especially if it involves relying on negative stereotypes Ana conflates violent sex with passion and love which is obviously a dangerous message to send an impressionable young audience, especially without adequate information

The representation of feminism in the film franchise is ambiguous and confusing, as it appears to succumb to conservative ideologies about gender roles, where the feminine partner in a couple should be subservient and submissive to the masculine figure There is certainly still room on the market for a film to offer the type of sexpositive representation Fifty Shades of Grey promised, yet failed, to deliver

BDSM stands for bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism While it can be fun, taking part in BDSM can be dangerous if not researched thoroughly and discussed clearly with your partner A large issue with Fifty Shades of Grey in comparison to other examples of media centring around BDSM is that it’s plausible in theory. People who enjoy the books or movies can find themselves relating to Ana, the main character This ability to insert yourself into the storyline of a book or movie can be harmful if what is portrayed is dangerous Fifty Shades of Grey was a source of BDSM fantasies for many over the years, and people began to get ideas about experimenting in the bedroom While for many this just involved the inclusion of handcuffs or vibrators during sex, some began to introduce other things, including choking Choking can be extremely dangerous if not properly researched Sex is all about pleasure, you’re not trying to kill your partner ‘Choking’ is actually a form of sexual asphyxiation, and involves putting pressure on the sides of the neck, not the trachea, and not for long periods of time This slows blood flow through the veins at the side of the neck which creates a feeling of lightheadedness, associated with intensifying feelings of pleasure

Another example of this is the Polish film 365 Days This film glamorises sexual violence, as the main character Laura falls victim to several instances of sexual violence by her kidnapper who has given her 365 days to fall in love with him This film blurred the lines between love and abuse, and several young teenagers took to TikTok and Twitter to discuss their love of Massimo, the man who kidnapped Laura While Massimo tells Laura that he won't do anything without her permission, the portrayal of consent ends there as he regularly forces her to participate in sexual acts

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shows miss out on in sex scenes, and normalises it on a very public platform Although the show was created by the BBC and based on an Irish novel, it was a hit across the world, demonstrating just how simultaneously awkward and comfortable sex is Viewers were shown that just because the sex they have isn’t seamless, or silent, or aggressive, doesn’t mean that it has to be, and what’s been deemed as ‘vanilla’ across social media isn’t inherently wrong

This only further perpetuates that sex is a given in a relationship, and romantic relationships (or being kidnapped and forced to fall in love) create a space in which consent is implied The assumption of implied consent is extremely dangerous, and places many people into relationships in which they feel unsafe An alarming number of young people who watched this film expressed the opinion that assumed consent in relationships was the norm, when it doesn’t actually exist If it is not explicitly and enthusiastically given each time you engage in sex, it’s not consent

While these films show the dangers of how sex is portrayed, the Irish show Normal People offers a stark contrast When Normal People, adapted from Sally Rooney’s novel, hit our television screens during lockdown, we were only delighted to be offered some escapism from the mundanity of everyday life Normal People is a show which honours the mundane, and furthermore, showcases the magic in it. Differing from what we’ve seen previously, Normal People displays sex as a form of intimacy within the relationship, not strictly control or power The first time we see Marianne and Connell have sex, it’s very different to what we’ve grown accustomed to In this scene, there is a real emphasis on the humanity of the pair, like the title of the series, they are just ordinary, ‘normal people’ Marianne’s bra gets stuck over her head, there is giggling, and nervousness, and they have a cup of tea beforehand, yet again showcasing the beauty in the mundane and ordinary Without turning it into a joke, the couple use a condom, which is so important for young people watching to see being normalised Safety is also important to both parties, and we see both Marianne asking Connell to use a condom, and Connell having them readily available While this may seem like an arbitrary addition to the scene, it highlights the importance of safe sex, and how it doesn’t take away from the moment, or ‘kill the mood’ Consent

Netflix series Sex Education offers some of the best representation of sex in terms of diversity and inclusion The premise of the show is genius as it allows its viewers to be educated about the world of sex, gender, sexuality and relationships in a very casual way Main characters Maeve and Otis run an advice service at their school for their peers to ask questions about sex In turn, the show explores and answers a lot of questions that teenage viewers are too afraid to ask Unlike the outdated ‘birds and bees’ chat or some clinical, sterilised lecture you would get in an SPHE class, Sex Education is informative but very entertaining The well developed characters act as healthy examples for viewers, and there is a strong emphasis placed on the importance of communication Adam, a character who grows up in a household of toxic masculinity, realises that he is bisexual and finds out what that means He is forced to confront his flawed communication style when he begins to date Eric, and it is explicitly addressed that communication is vital to avoid a toxic relationship, especially when sex is involved The series destigmatizes sexuality and reduces the shame surrounding it When one character is sexually assaulted, she sees a therapist and sends a healthy message that there is no shame in speaking up about negative or non consensual sexual experiences with someone you trust This scene is coupled with an exceptionally powerful depiction of the characters's friends banding together to help her in overcoming her trauma, rather than brushing it under the rug, or taken as something that needs to be taken in stride. The show tackles the normalisation of sexual assault in society, as the character didn’t realise she had even been assaulted, as well as debunking the harmful rhetoric that in order for the assault to have occurred, they need to have touched you or physically harmed you in some way It is refreshing to see sex portrayed as more than just the heteronormative examples commonly seen in television LGBT sex is validated and the show has amazing queer representation, including ace, non-binary and other identities outside the bracket of cisgender/heterosexual The myth that people with disabilities can’t have sex is debunked in Season 3, when a character who uses a wheelchair has sexual experiences Sex Education proves that sex is not just for white, straight, able bodied cis people, and can be a pleasurable experience for all, or if you’re on the asexual spectrum and it’s not your thing, then that’s just as valid too

is freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific

When Connell and Marianne get intimate with each other for the first time, Connell reminds her that she can say no or stop at any point, and that it ‘won’t be awkward’ This small act of reassurance goes a very long way and communicates to not only Marianne but the viewers at home that it’s okay to change your mind. We’re consistently shown smooth sex scenes on TV and in film, where no one involved really talks and everything just flows However, this isn’t how sex really is in real life Sex is awkward, and it can even be funny at times There also comes a time for everyone where they’re just not really that into it While it may not seem very important, the way Connell treats Marianne during sex has helped in breaking down the barrier between what’s real and what only happens on screen

Their sexual relationship illustrates mutual respect and the importance of trusting your partner and feeling safe with one another to communicate throughout This is why the portrayal of sex in Normal People is so powerful and well executed, despite it displaying the bare minimum requirements to a healthy sexual encounter Viewers of the show learned that awkward sex is normal, and that people talk to one another and communicate throughout The show highlights things that other films or TV

The way sex is portrayed in film and TV can be jarring, misinformed and downright problematic Fifty Shades projects a harmful narrative about kink culture and inappropriately depicts what a BDSM relationship should look like However, the healthy sex representation in shows like Normal People and Sex Education confirms that positive and educational portrayals of sex matter. Screen media exposes us to many things that we may not otherwise get the chance to see, but that doesn’t mean we have to take what we’re shown as ‘the done thing’ Have sex that you enjoy, not sex that you think you should be having based on what you see on a screen No one knows what kind of sex you enjoy better than you do Experimenting can be fun, and you might learn things about yourself that you didn’t know, but that doesn’t mean it's a requirement If you do decide to experiment or try new things, always ensure that you’ve researched it properly, and that both you and the person you’re having sex with understand what it is you’re doing, the risks if there are any, and that they can always tap out or say no if they’re uncomfortable or unsure Having fun and enjoying yourself is more important than whatever you’ve seen other people do, and you should never feel under pressure to try things that you’re not comfortable with because of what you witness on TV