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READ THEM & VALIDATE US OPINIONZ PAGE 72

SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS wut is a basket-ball? SPORTS

Caucasian Culture Club Protests Against Toxic Campus Climate

U INSIDE USUALLY A CORRECTION. X OPINION SOMETHING ...... X WEEKEND/FEATURE ........ X PHOTO BY RISSA CLEENA

CSD’s Caucasian Culture Club held a protest against the current campus culture on Library Walk today, citing a “toxic” climate that “makes it unsafe to express [their] beliefs.” Over 50 individuals participated in the demonstration, carrying various banners reading “NO MELANIN?? NO PROBLEM!!”, “WHITE IS ALRIGHT!” and “CRAVIN’ CAUCASIAN.” CCC President and appointed organizer of the protest Nathaniel Forrest spoke with the UCSD Guardian about the intentions of the demonstration and how his group has mistakenly been deemed a racist one. “By promoting a doctrine of love, acceptance and tolerance between ethnicities here on campus, the university has generated an atmosphere hostile to our organization … which, from an outsider’s perspective, can seem intolerant of others,” Forrest explained. “We feel threatened by this student culture. They call us intolerant, but who’s the intolerant

one? We are demonstrating against the intolerance of a supposed “tolerant” student body in favor of tolerance for our own beliefs, which therefore makes us the tolerant one.” Forrest defended the CCC’s inclusive nature by pointing out that the organization accepts members “of a variety of skin shades, ranging from ‘sunburnt red’ to ‘over-roasted marshmallow.’” But despite his arguments, Forrest recognizes that the CCC could have the potential to be “microracist,” as micro-aggressions can be hard to define, and assured the Guardian that all people and groups are micro-racist in their own way, making the CCC no different from any other organization on campus. Fellow protester and CCC member Kevin Crowe also commented on how the organization’s seemingly racist persona was all a big misunderstanding. “Our organization has some faith, and we like to spread that faith through building projects,” Crowe told the Guardian. “It used to be, construct a cross

here, an overworked student forgets some rope there, and no one got hurt. But it’s unfortunate for us that sometimes a rope resembles a noose, and that, especially in this drought, wooden crosses tend to ignite when dry.” Despite superficial similarity in name to the Cross-Cultural Center, Forrest denied any involvement or affiliation between the groups. “We keep getting applicants who just aren’t up to our standards. I don’t understand why we keep getting mistaken for the Cross-Cultural Center, and we would appreciate it if they addressed this issue.” Correction: Nathaniel Forrest has informed us that the correct spelling of the organization’s name is not Caucasian Culture Club, but in fact “Kaucasian Kulture Klub,” a stylistic choice intended to “harken back to the Teutonic origins of the organization and many of its members.” The Guardian apologizes for this error.

A SOCCER BALL! WOW ... X good boy

Khosla To Serve as UCSD’s Newest Therapy Fluffy BY THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND

n an effort to improve the relationship between students and administration, UCSD Chancellor Pradeep Khosla has volunteered to serve as a therapy fluffy to help students relieve stress during the academic quarter. Khosla’s press release stated that “immediate, affectionate interaction is needed to bring students and the UCSD administration closer together.” Moreover, it boasted of the qualities that make University of California administrators inherently superior to dogs, citing “cleanliness, a longer lifespan and ease of house-training.” Khosla, dressed head-to-toe in a Wilfred-

esque costume, began his first day of service at The Zone this past Monday accompanied by one of the usual therapy-certified labrador retrievers. “The relationship between students and faculty has eroded in the past few years,” Khosla told the UCSD Guardian on-site. “This is a chance to roll over the past, lay down some groundwork and breed that connection.” Khosla cut the interview short when he noticed students playing with the labrador. The chancellor, in a fit of jealousy, wrestled the pooch away from the students and sat down in its place. After seconds of uncomfortable silence, Khosla laughed it off before demanding the students to rub his belly. A.S. President Dominick Suvonnasopa, who

was present at the event, expressed hope that the program would be successful. “UCSD is currently experiencing a mental health crisis,” Suvonnasopa said. “If students petting their leaders is what it takes, then it’s time for them to dog-suit up.” Despite creating a general sense of unease among the day’s crowd, the chancellor gave it the old college try. Khosla expressed his excitement over possibly transitioning into a full-time therapy fluffy in lieu of retirement. He was last observed fishing through the pockets of unaware students, claiming that it was for “supplemental tuition fees.” KOLFRED

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THESE THINGS HAPPEN

BRIEFS Voncent Pham Singlehandedly Desecrated Gender Binary Erotic Smut Writer You Love it, Tina Writes It

Administration Replaces Faculty Pensions With Dave and Buster’s Coupons The University of California Board of Regents announced that it has chosen to forgo the distribution of pensions in favor of new retirement benefits: Dave & Buster’s coupons. UC President Janet Napolitano spoke with the UCSD Guardian about the rationale behind the announcement over several of D&B’s signature Angry Balls cocktails. “The Board of Regents takes great pride in its keen understanding of what the UC workforce wants,” Napolitano said, sipping from her third cocktail of the night. According to Napolitano, the proposal was being considered as early as eight years ago, but the economic recession delayed its implementation. “The recession hit Dave & Buster’s pretty hard,”

Napolitano explained. “You can’t expect faculty to accept using these benefits if all the local D&B’s have gone under. That’s unfair to employees.” After pounding down the rest of her drink, Napolitano stressed that coupons would be worth somewhere between 30 and 40 percent. “We’d push for more, but we’re not made of money,” Napolitano slurred. “But let me tell you: This place is fucking worth it.” When asked about the fate of the money already paid into the pension system, Napolitano ignored the question, instead stumbling away towards the skeeball machine. UC employees can expect the new retirement plan to take effect starting in June.

Jacqui and His Toster Active Philosophy Major Joshua Not White Bing Crosby Mom He Did That Lana del Birthed Him French Guy Never Casual Big Al Snark Geologist Karly Slay Jepsen Prez, The 1975 Hate Club Legalized the Slider Kanye’s Little Guy Leave Britney Alone, Olga Give ‘Er Some Room SCOOTER Resident Voyeur Rapunzel Has Moustache JOSE I QUIT Only People Who Won’t Be Replaced By Machines JG ... No L Autocorrect HERB SEASONS RABBITS Page Layout INTERNS Copy Reader INTERNS

HAS SCIENCE GONE TO FAR?

Editorial Assistants PLEBES

Genetically Modified Mosquitoes Used to Combat Housing Crisis Researchers discovered that subjects experienced alterations in their immune system after enduring stressful events. BY BRITISH GIRL BUT NOT REALLY

A team of UCSD researchers, in collaboration with the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, have released genetically modified mosquitoes as a means of combatting the latest housing crisis. The mosquitoes, which will be unleashed upon civilians fifty-six times a week starting April 1, will be deployed in areas where housing prices have risen more than five dollars within the past year in an attempt to lower the cost of living. James Housington, the HUD President, explained that the idea to use genetically modified mosquitoes as a means of making homes more affordable derives from the promising potential success of these mosquitoes in combatting the

spread of the Zika virus. “We had no real solution,” Housington admitted to the UCSD Guardian. “So we looked at a potentially devastating problem, examined its current solution and applied it to our issue. If we can use genetically modified mosquitoes to combat something as potentially dangerous as the Zika virus, it isn’t a far reach to suggest that they’ll likely become the go-to solution for all future crises.” Dr. Moe S. Quito, a researcher assigned to the task of creating modified mosquitoes suited to the housing crisis, explained to the Guardian the difficulties of applying a modification specifically suited to disease prevention to the housing market. “Our lab was three quarters of the way towards discovering a cure for lung cancer,” Quito said.

“So the mosquito question became less about finding a viable solution within these parameters and more focused on finding a quick solution that would allow us to return to our actual work.” Quito clarified that the mosquitoes would be released in droves in an attempt to lower the populations of cities where housing prices increased anywhere from $4.75 to $5.00 in 2015. “We’ll be implementing CRISPRCas technologies to create a super mosquito 10-20 times the size of an averagely sized person,” Quito said. “These mosquitoes will have an increased affinity for human beings, prompting them to snatch up individuals interested in moving to cities where prices have increased and carry them off to the middle of nowhere. The more mosquitoes we can deploy, the less people in the

affected housing markets and the further prices will plummet.” Janice Campell, director of UCSD’s Housing and Dining department praised HUD’s solution to the nationwide housing crisis and proposed that a similar tactic would benefit the undergraduate housing conflict at UCSD. “Not only would giant mosquitoes aid in reducing the population of students living on campus, but they could also provide a viable method of transportation for students on and off campus,” Campell said. “Ideally, the mosquitoes would also solve the issue of overcrowded buses, picking snatching up students who’ve finished classes and dropping them off somewhere where the university wouldn’t be responsible for them.” KARIT

Business Manager Jennifer “MAKE IT RAIN” Mancano Advertising Director Thank You Myrah Marketing Co-Directors LOUD AND VOCAL PEOPLE Training and Development Manager RIDES SCOOTER TOO Advertising Design Alfredo H. Vilano, Jr. (TYSM) A.S. Graphic Studio The UCSD Guardian is published Mondays and Thursdays during the academic year by UCSD students and for the UCSD community. Reproduction of this newspaper in any form, whether in whole or in part, without permission is strictly prohibited. © 2014, all rights reserved. The UCSD Guardian is not responsible for the return of unsolicited manuscripts or art. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the opinions of the UCSD Guardian, the University of California or Associated Students. The UCSD Guardian is funded by advertising. If you’re reading this, it’s too late. We dont actually hate our moms btw.

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OPINION

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build a wall around i -house

Wall Around I-House and its students is simply the most effective way to prevent greedy students from corrupting the success and sanctity of entire UCSD student body. ILLUSTRATION BY CHRISTINA CARLSON

This week, UCSD administration has announced its ambitious but highly controversial plan to build a wall around International House, a livinglearning community that hosts students from over 40 countries. Inspired by the immigration reform plan proposed by presidential candidate Donald Trump, the wall around International House facilities is a measure necessary to prevent international students, who largely come to UCSD to recklessly party rather than study, from spreading their deviant behavior around campus. This concrete construction should also discourage internationals who come to UC schools with lower grade-point averages and test scores than in-state students from enrolling into our top university. What do we know about I-House? It is a place where people party regardless of the day of the week. This is where international students go to loosen drug and crime regulations that prevail in many countries, and are involved in underage binge drinking and drug abuse. It’s where study rooms are full of people foaming at the mouth with alcoholic beverages instead of preparing for tests, which international students have little concern for. As if that was not enough, dissolute behavior of international students annually peaks during the Sun God Festival weekend. Widely known as a drinking hot spot, I-House beckons innocent students from all over UCSD. Driven by drunken hooliganism, parties at International House turn into three-day bacchanalias that even professional security guards have a hard time controlling. “Let’s face it, the wristband policy does not work. I-House immigrants keep distributing alcohol and drugs around campus,” said Alphie Drumpf, a security guard who patrolled I-House during last year’s Sun God Festival. “These international students are out of control. We need a wall.” Hiding behind the claims of “cultural exchange,” international students not only promote immoral behavior, but also inculcate their own values instead of adopting traditional UCSD ways. As UCSD students, we are united by negative sentiments towards party culture. The majority of us came here because we prefer to stay home on a Friday night, find pleasure in being free from STIs and only drink together with a computer or a TV screen. I-House aliens, however, have little respect for our on-campus culture and perpetually attempt to undermine UCSD’s moral and cultural foundations by hosting degrading

parties in their luxurious two-story townhouse apartments, being overly supportive of athletic events and abusing their close proximity to the beach by visiting it every week. Not once a year — every-single-week — you heard it right. Are we going to put up with this impudence or are we going to build the wall? The answer should be self-evident. Needless to say, these good-time Charlies do not excel in academics and simply occupy in-state students’ spots due to administration’s need for outof-state tuition money. Those who live in International House are just cash cows that, according to a recent California State Auditor report, have lower past academic achievements once they enter UCSD. Being intellectually inferior, international students still receive access to the same resources as in-state students and citizens, taking away educational opportunities from oldfashioned, hard-working Americans. They have been taking advantage of this university for years, having some of the best living conditions on campus. The costs of providing academic resources to international students and maintaining International House have long exceeded the benefits we get from charging these students out-of-state tuition. But expelling these students would be a costly affair that might increase tuition for students from California. The wall ideally solves this problem by locking money-paying students in, while keeping them away from labs, libraries and gyms that rightfully belong to the native students. A lot of criticism of the wall comes from students and their families’ unwillingness to pay for the wall through tax increases and additional fees. This concern is easy to deal with with — simplicity is genius. We will build the wall around I-House and make international students pay for it. Spending half a fortune each year on college tuition and fees, parents of international students will not even notice the new “Wall fee” and will happily pay, mistakenly assuming that they are investing in their children’s future. Building a wall around International House is the ideal solution to the problem of invasive immigrants, seeking to disguise themselves as international students in our country. We call for other UCs to follow UCSD’s example and build walls around the habitation areas of international students. This university will not be taken advantage of anymore. It’s time to stop losing to the losers, and start making America great agains.

It’s Time for UCSD to Replace Lab Rats with Arts and Humanities Majors CalTech, MIT, the Jimmy Neutron Academy of Self-Important STEM Majors — these are all science-focused universities that UCSD aspires to be. However, one prickly group of individuals stands in our way of evolving into this 21st century dream, this morally devoid utopia: arts and hu...arts and human....arts and humanities major. There. I said it. Forgive me, Newton, for I have sinned and spoken the unspeakable. It is far overdue that we rid our campus of these idealistic, “morally and socially conscious” mongrols. They must be eradicated — nay, exterminated! The following departments are no longer useful to us as an academic institution: history, music, literature, philosophy, theatre & dance and visual arts. However, since we are scientists, we cannot just murder all these innocent, naive students. Imagine what consequences eliminating such a rare species would have on biodiversity. Their bodies — for bodies are all we are — must be put to practical use. They must be offered to the altar of research. They must be sacrificed in the name of discovery! 1010011010! That is why we, the UCSD Guardian Editorial Board, urge Chancellor Pradeep Khosla to immediately sign an Executive Order mandating that all laboratory rats be replaced with arts and humanities

majors. We know it sounds disturbing, but it’ll be physical suffering at worst and death at best. It’ll be just like the Hunger Games, but without all the excessive fashion. And who doesn’t enjoy the Hunger Games (not counting those who actually participate)? May the odds be ever against their favor. Still not on board? Then, you must not be thinking of all the poor little mice that can be saved by this plan. One story we’ve been told is of a undergraduate research assistant whose job it was to drill holes in the skulls of rats. However, due to his incompetence — he probably enrolled in one too many Yoko Ono courses — he repeatedly missed his target and drilled into their brains instead, killing each of their poor little souls. Now imagine if the student was drilling into the brains of theatre majors instead. Though their brains might be harder to find than those of rats, we will ensure that by the end of this program, no brain of an arts and humanities major will be left hole-less! We know this campaign to eliminate critical thinking from our campus may seem out of reach, but look around you, it’s already happening. Everywhere you turn, what do you see? A painting? No, you see the technological glory of a hoverboard whizzing past you on its way to mechanical

thermobiochemphysiochem physics class. Pretty soon, each person will be riding one of these life-nourishing contraptions from science building to science building. And you know what they’ll be doing in each of these classes? Experimenting on arts and humanities majors. Furthermore, university officials — bless their souls with HCl — have already unofficially commenced this educational cleanse. They’ve caused more damage to the arts and humanities in a few years than what most research universities have dreamed of doing for decades. We at the Guardian applaud their daring accomplishments. Paint over the walls of Graffiti Hall. Check. Shut down the University Art Gallery. Check. Extinguish all enthusiasm for creative expression. Did someone finish their meal because CHECK. To fully realize this paradise, our leaders must come out of their chemistry closets and confess their empiricist biases. No more beating around the HSS bushes. It is time for us to collectively and explicitly denounce those who are holding us back and bend them to our natureendowed will. It is time for us to say enough is enough with the one percent of our campus — arts and humanities majors — not pulling their own weight. It is time that we take them to the lab and pull it for them.

EDITORIAL BOARD Runs Alcohol Cartel Specifically for Burritos Honestly Someone Shut

This Down He Took the Cart We are ALL in the Trunk I don’t know How We fit Seriously We’re in Arizona..,, this is OPpression Mom I love u HE TOOK US PLEASE SEND HELP

Another Lesbian? Another Lesbian. THERE IS A FIRE HYDRANT

She Danced Her Way In2 Our Heart I’M KICKING THE BACK LIGHTS

Fuck This Guy Quinn I Hate Him HE IS SLOW, WE ARE GETTING AWAY

Pioneering and Invented Karate HE TOOK MY IPHONE, THIS IS SF

Our Little Homophobe HELP, WE’RE IN THE ‘STRO

He Saved Us OLGA IS INHIBITING PROGRESS

Rock Freak, Geologically – Ew! SHOUTOUT TO JACQUI THANK YOU

She Practically Invented U.S. Bread WE’RE NOW IN A STARTUP It’s just All I can think of is butter dripping down his beard, as how butter is filtered. This is simply a distillation process. I Wanna Smother Guy Fieri in his own exquisite seasoned sage barbeque saucy vat of grease I love how

Shame on Napolitano, Rigged Elections From administration’s hushed installation of spyware on UC student and faculty devices earlier this year to the distinctly unpredictable A.S. campaign unfolding before us, it’s clear that something is up. This something — the UCSD Guardian Editorial Board confidently believes — has a name. It’s Janet Napolitano. If you recall, Napolitano and the University of California Office of the President installed — with taxpayer dollars — spyware systems across the UC system in an attempt to prevent breaches that happened at UCLA and at UC Berkeley. This gives them unfettered access to the searches of students and professors alike, certainly including search histories. It is with this data that Napolitano was able to hack into the Amazon wishlists of the candidates for UCSD’s A.S. elections, purchase every single luxurious, dreamy product — new editions of textbooks and Student Loan Coupons, to name a couple — and bribe candidates with the contents of their lists, in exchange for a dropout from the race. Some may initially question Napolitano’s motives, claiming that she wouldn’t bother with something trivial while she already has a secure, well-paying job. But one look into Janet’s background information tells a different story. Before being the president of UC system, Napolitano worked as Arizona’s governor and as the Secretary of the the Department of Homeland Security from 2009 to 2013. In late 2013, she took her current position on a dare from President Obama. They were playing a game of White House basketball when Napolitano told Obama she could out-dunk him and everyone in the Obama family. At that moment, Michelle emerged onto the court in a head-to-toe Adidas look, consisting of a gleaming white tennis skirt, tank, pair of Season 3 Yeezy Boosts and a necklace that said “Whose House?”, physically blinding Janet as she dunked not once, not twice, but 45 times. Fast-forward to Napolitano as the UC president, regretting her naive bet with the Obama family, her exile to the UC system, and her ploy to get out of the institution without quitting or getting fired, as both would stain her otherwise perfect resume. It is with this motive that Napolitano coerced — only partially successfully — the candidates of the A.S. election to drop out of the race, leaving UCSD to be in ruins, in chaos, in anarchy, and to slowly begin the demise of the university. What’s worse is that Napolitano did not work alone. Have you heard of her accomplice and corroborator, Linda P.B. Kaheli? You may know her as an administrator for DeVry, a forprofit university for which she started working while being chancellor. We know that Napolitano said “I appreciate that Chancellor Katehi has apologized” in a statement reported by the L.A. Times, but what isn’t noted is that in sign language she was simultaneously saying what appears to be “Cuz my ass ain’t about to!” What’s clear is that Napalitano manipulated Katehi into testing the waters for concurrent employment due to her greed. we have all been played by She Who Shall Not Remain as our UC president.

VOLUME 49, ISSUE 42

THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2016

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CAMPUS

STUDENTS

RUNNING TOWARD A CAUSE USED WITH PERMISSION FROM TRITON 5K

A.S. Council Reorganizes Structure and Meetings UCSD’s student government will split into an executive and a legislative branch to become more efficient. BY mario espinoza

contributing writer WHILE STILL POWERED UP FROM THOSE SEVEN RESTFUL NIGHTS OF SPRING BREAK, USE YOUR ENERGY TO HOP THROUGH THE SCHOLARSHIP HUNT. FIND OUT HOW TO SIGN UP FOR A RAD RUN ON PAGE WEEKEND, PAGE 6

WEEKEND, Page 7

WOMEN'S TENNIS Sonoma State Sports, Page 8

FORECAST

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

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SATURDAY

SUNDAY

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AT THAT MOMENT, MICHELLE EMERGED ONTO THE COURT IN A HEAD-TO-TOE ADIDAS LOOK, CONSISTING OF A GLEAMING WHITE TENNIS SKIRT, TANK, PAIR OF SEASON 3 YEEZY BOOSTS AND A NECKLACE THAT SAID “WHOSE HOUSE?”, PHYSICALLY BLINDING JANET AS SHE DUNKED NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT 45 TIMES.

MICHELLE OBAMA OUSTS NAPOLITANO FROM D.C. OPINION, PAGE 4

INSIDE TRIUMPHANT .................. 6 DISREGUARDIAN ............. X WEEKEND/FEATURE ........ X CROSSWORD/SUDOKU.... X A SOCCER BALL! WOW ... X

See CONGRESS, page 6

See COUNCIL, page 6

C.H.E. Cafe Celebrates Anniversary of Occupation By tina butoiu and jennifer grundman The C.H.E. Cafe hosted a vegan potluck to celebrate the first anniversary of the beginning of the C.H.E. Cafe sit-in and occupation, which protested the UCSD administration’s attempts to evict the building. Following Saturday’s potluck was a benefits concert for Groundwork Books, which was meant to strengthen the bookstore’s position in lease negotiations. Currently, the C.H.E. Collective is in the process of negotiating a new Master Space Agreement. According to University Centers Advisory Board Chair Claire Maniti, the new MSA will be based on a proposal made by the Co-op Advisory Committee, which is composed of representatives from all UCSD co-ops, including the C.H.E. Collective, A.S. Council, the Graduate Student Association and UCAB. In addition, Maniti told the Guardian that the need to create a new MSA is not a result of the C.H.E. Collective’s activities, but is because the leases of all of the co-operatives are expiring this year. “We didn’t have any administrators at this committee and we met every week for an entire year and worked out terms for a new lease that we presented to the

Senior Staff writers

administration,” Maniti said. “This was good because the student negotiation part of this was kind of the basis of where we are going to start with the MSA, but any of those terms are very much negotiable.” However, Maniti discussed that the Office of the Ombuds ensures that all parties involved in negotiations are able to freely communicate their terms. “The way the Ombuds works is that no party has a greater voice,” Maniti said. “They consider each party on equal footing which is probably a better place for the co-ops than if they were negotiating without a mediator in which case the footing is not equal.” Though the university retains the ability to evict the Cafe on short notice, Muir College senior and C.H.E. Collective core member Raquel Calderon does not believe administrators will evict the facility in the near future. “Yes, the university could legally post a new eviction,” Calderon told the UCSD Guardian. “But we meet with them weekly, face to face, and are negotiating in good faith [that they will not evict the facility]. That’s all we have to go on at this point, but we’re working through it.”

See CHE CAFE, page 6

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VERBATIM

According to a press release from October 2015, the House of Representatives voted to create the panel in response to the controversial material presented in the video. Blackburn emphasized the importance of opening up the dialogue about the morality and legality of fetal tissue research. “This is about getting answers to questions about how we treat and protect life in this country,” said Blackburn in the press release. “The allegations raised in these disturbing and abhorrent videos have led us to ask: What have we come to in this country? This select panel will allow us to have this conversation and help us get the facts about how infant lives are being treated.” Larry Goldstein, a prominent neuroscientist at UCSD who is heavily involved with research that

PHOTO FROM GUARDIAN ARCHIVES

SUPERMAN VS. BATMAN

so bad it's good

UCSD’s A.S. Council will divide its weekly meetings into two starting this quarter: one for its senators and another for its executives, which includes the president, vice presidents and associate vice presidents. Prior to this change, all members of A.S. Council met in the same meeting every Wednesday at 6 p.m. Campuswide Senator Ryan Perez explained to the UCSD Guardian that the Council decided to modify its meeting structure in order for its members to be more efficient and productive. “The purpose of the shift was to let these bodies do their work without having to be in one long meeting together,” Perez said. “Instead of all being together for one large meeting, people will be able to collaborate outside of the general meeting. It promotes more interaction while creating a more efficient meeting environment.” Political bodies will also have different focuses during their respective meetings. The legislative body will vote on the budget. The executive branch will present cases in response to decisions made by the senate that affects an associate vice president’s office. A.S. Vice President of Campus Affairs Taylor Valdivia told the Guardian that the modified meeting schedule will allow for senators in the executive branch to prepare themselves prior to voting on any policies. “It allows representatives to attend meetings where their specializations are most utilized,” Valdivia said. “For example, senators will be able to discuss constituent feedback during senate meetings prior to voting on any legislative items.” Valdivia also explained how the the split will affect AVPs by allowing them to work together during meetings. “An AVP will be able to reach out to other AVPs during a council meeting if he or she is looking launch a joint office project,” Valdivia said. “Thus, the restructure will not only ensure that A.S. members are accountable for the work that they are doing, but will promote more personal growth and development.” Perez further explained that the separation will streamline the workload for AVPs. “The separation will allow AVPs to attend only the meetings they need to, saving them time and giving them the opportunity to work more,” Perez said. “The collaborations that

SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY

Congress to Issue Subpoenas for Scientists’ Names Fetal-tissue researchers, including those at UCSD, will have to identify themselves to the government. BY becca chong

STAFF WRITER A congressional committee investigating fetal tissue research stated last Thursday that it will issue 17 subpoenas to research institutions — UCSD being one of them — in order to obtain the names of researchers, graduate students and others who are involved. The other subpoenas will be served to various medical facilities and labs around the country. As per the committee’s requests, UCSD has already provided the requested documents with many of the names redacted to preserve the anonymity of the researchers. According to the New York Times, many universities feel that releasing the names of those involved in fetal tissue research would put them in danger, especially in light of Robert L. Dear Jr.’s violent attack on a Planned Parenthood clinic which resulted in

three deaths. Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.), who heads the committee, explained how the investigation is being approached in terms of business practices. “We are going to review the business practices of these procurement organizations and do some investigating of how they have constructed a for-profit business model from selling baby body parts,” Blackburn said in an interview with the New York Times. The Energy and Commerce Committee created the panel after the release of a video covertly recorded by the Center for Medical Progress, a nonprofit group of citizen journalists dedicated to reporting on medical ethics and advances. The video shows Planned Parenthood Senior Director of Medical Services Deborah Nucatola in a lunch meeting with two people posing as potential fetus tissue buyers.

NEWS

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TRIUMPHANT By Alex Liang Vincent Pham Editor in Chief Tina Butoiu Managing Editor Jacky To News Editor Josh Lefler Associate News Editor Cassia Pollock Opinion Editor Quinn Pieper Associate Opinion Editor Marcus Thuillier Sports Editors Dev Jain Allison Kubo Features Editor Oliver Kelton Associate Features Editor

Carter: The C.H.E. Collective Feels Optimistic About Negotiations Regarding Lease Agreement ▶ CHE CAFE, from page 5

Maniti confirmed that all negotiating parties are aiming to finalize the new MSA by Week 8 this quarter. She also stated that the university has spent $350,000 on installing a fire sprinkler system to the facility and on improvements that will help it meet the standards set by the American Disabilities Act. UCSD Communications Manager Christine Clark confirmed to the Guardian that administrators will continue working on the facility throughout the summer. C.H.E. Cafe Attorney Andrea Carter told the Guardian that the C.H.E. Collective requested an interim agreement to secure the Collective’s position on campus

while the lease was being negotiated. However, the university has remained unresponsive. “Despite [the university not responding to their request], we have great hope and optimism that we will finally emerge with a new and acceptable lease for all four co-ops,” Carter wrote. “Overall we are pleased that the university has finally begun to recognize that the co-ops are unique and valuable institutions on campus that serve multiple functions beyond great entertainment, food, wares and literature.” The C.H.E. Collective Campus Reintegration Committee was formed as part of a measure A.S. Council passed in Winter Quarter 2015 to help the Collective become more student-centered. Though the

Collective opposed some parts of the measure, such as the vacating of the Cafe during renovations, part of its purpose is to ensure that members of the Committee could approve any physical changes to the Cafe before being implemented by the administration. Paolo Gabriel, a graduate student and member of the Committee, told the Guardian that the Committee has been necessary in including the C.H.E. Collective in the new MSA. “Our role is more just to be the ones that are informed between the administration, A.S. Council, GSA and the C.H.E. Cafe because, if there are any confusions, at least there’s someone that can step up and clarify things,” Gabriel told the Guardian. “I think so long as the C.H.E. Cafe

gets onto this new MSA agreement, the [Committee’s] job will be done. The point of the Committee was to make sure the C.H.E. survives as a student organization rather than being dropped as a co-operative.” Calderon confirmed to the Guardian that the C.H.E Facility will be suspending operations for the summer. “In order for the repairs to happen to the [C.H.E.] we will be closing and not holding concerts for about a 2–3 month period, planned for the coming summer,” Calderon said. “It would be after final exams for Spring Quarter, so after June 12.”

Karly Nisson A&E Editor Sam Velazquez Associate A&E Editor Brittney Lu Lifestyle Editors Olga Golubkova Megan Lee Photo Editor Christian Duarte Associate Photo Editor Joselynn Ordaz Design Editor Christina Carlson Art Editors Sophia Huang Jennifer Grundman Copy Editor Sage Schubert Christian Associate Copy Editor

Page Layout Joselynn Ordaz, Quinn Pieper, Aleya Zenieris Copy Reader Heejung Lim, Alicia Ho, Agnus Song Editorial Assistants Naftali Burakovsky, Lisa Chik, Maria Sebas, Nathan Walker Business Manager Jennifer Mancano Advertising Director Myrah Jaffer

TINA BUTOIU

CBUTOIU@ucsd.edu

Marketing Co-Directors Peter McInnis, Haley Asturias Training and Development Manager Cedric Hyon

UCSD Neuroscientist Testified Before Congress to Defend the Benefits of Fetal Tissue for Research ▶ CONGRESS, from page 5

uses fetal tissue, has testified before Congress on the importance of fetal tissue research. In his testimony, he emphasized the scientific importance by describing the advances made in treatments for spinal cord injury, kidney generation and Alzheimer’s disease that could not have been discovered without the use of fetal tissue during research. Founding Director of the UC San Diego Research Ethics Program

Michael Kalichman explained the considerations that go into providing fetal tissue for research, particularly the circumstances of the woman’s abortion. “If an abortion occurs, then is it ethically better to discard the fetus or to make use of it for the purpose of medical research?” Kalichman asked the UCSD Guardian. “Most people would probably favor the latter, but only under certain circumstances. In particular, no one would want a woman to choose to get pregnant for

the purpose of having an abortion to contribute the fetus to research, and no one would want to have a woman feel coerced or pressured into having an abortion for the purpose of donating her fetus to research. The good news is that the laws and standard practice are designed to avoid these scenarios.” Goldstein explained that the controversy surrounding the usage of fetal tissue might be better understood if framed in terms of being resourceful and limiting waste.

“I think the core message is that the research that is being done is being done with tissue that would have been discarded anyway,” Goldstein told the Guardian. “ And so there’s no real change with the disposition with the tissue; it’s a question of will it be thrown away or will it be donated to research, and if it’s donated to research we believe we can do useful things with it.” becca chong

rcchong@ucsd.edu

Advertising Design Alfredo H. Vilano, Jr. A.S. Graphic Studio The UCSD Guardian is published Mondays and Thursdays during the academic year by UCSD students and for the UCSD community. Reproduction of this newspaper in any form, whether in whole or in part, without permission is strictly prohibited. © 2014, all rights reserved. The UCSD Guardian is not responsible for the return of unsolicited manuscripts or art. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the opinions of the UCSD Guardian, the University of California or Associated Students. The UCSD Guardian is funded by advertising. Today we celebrated Sam Thoburn, a former writer for the Opinion Section. No, he is not dead. He’s just 21.

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Perez: A.S. Council Will No Longer Have to Cram All Agenda Items Into a Single Meeting ▶ COUNCIL, from page 5

happen outside of meetings will drive a more productive council with more opportunities to work together instead of trying to fit it all into one meeting a week which is what happened in previous years.”

However, Perez was originally against the Council’s decision to split the meetings. “I originally did not want to make this goal a priority of ours because I thought the process [of organizing the changes] would take away from our true purpose, that purpose being

[to represent] UCSD students and to promote business and programing within UCSD,” Perez said. “However the process was quick, and I was satisfied with the turnout.” Perez feels that the separation will have a positive impact on UCSD even if it is not apparent to students.

“The students will most likely not notice the change, but the output will hopefully be felt in programs, initiatives, events and projects,” Perez said. mario espinoza

mae001@ucsd.edu

See more at UCSDGUARDIAN.ORG

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Secrets of San Diego

San Diego is a place of iconic landmarks, historic monuments and signature eateries, but there is so much left to uncover. From hidden enclaves unknown to even the oldest of natives to sequestered vista points, follow the UCSD Guardian as we uncover the secrets to San Diego’s backyard.

Secret Swings

Written by Maria Manalang// Lifestyle Staff Writer

Cabri llo National Monument CaVE Suspension Bridge Written by Brittney Lu// Lifestyle Co-Editor Written by Brittney Lu// Lifestyle Co-Editor

Photo courtesy of Nosha (Flickr)

Photo courtesy of Slworking2 (Flickr)

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Think back to humble, innocent days of youth. Let your thoughts simmer on the sunny, stress-free days when chocolate milk was a staple, nap time was socially acceptable and the playground was squad’s homebase. Yes, the slide and monkey bars were fun, but the swing-set was the optimal location for budding friendships through good conversation (as good as conversations among five-year-olds can get), vibrant laughter, and the joy of mindlessly swinging. Adulthood might legally begin at 18, but that doesn’t mean you need to allow your inner child to pathetically die away. Relive and revive the bright memories of elementary school and make the trek to the Secret Swings. Just as the name implies, the mystical swing set is quietly nestled somewhere in the La Jolla backyard. The search for the hidden swings is in itself a thrilling escapade to ignite and satiate your inner drive for adventure. It makes for an interesting option to spice up your weekend plans with friends, or makes for a conveniently close and exceptional date option when paired with a picnic during sunset. The swings are situated against the always-breathtaking backdrop of the Pacific Ocean, adding to their allure. There are no written directions for this local gem. Instead, those searching for the Secret Swings have but longitudinal and latitudinal coordinates (the first swing approximately at 32.867478, -117.248968 while the second at 32.864321, -117.247991). This makes the voyage that much more exciting than simply driving to your local park and playing with individuals half your size. Since not too many venture to these swings, you won’t need to wait your turn. But remember, sharing is caring — so bring a friend and share the experience that is this hidden La Jolla jewel.

If the five-hour wait to take a selfie on top of Potato Chip Rock to Snapchat just how adventurous life in San Diego can be isn’t cutting it anymore, Cabrillo National Monument in the San Diego County offers a much more provocative and enticing adventure for the inner adrenaline junkie. Situated in a Bermuda Triangle of uncharted territory, high tides and fragile sedimentary cliffs, the secret caves located down an unmapped trail toward the tidepools at the bottom of the cliffs are worth the rather treacherous, daunting trek. Not only is the technical footwork of a pointe ballerina needed to maneuver the rocky path — or lack thereof — but the mathematical precision and professional lunar skill of a navigator is highly recommended to reach this secret treasure of the Pacific at a safe and accessible sea level. Past venturers recommend careful planning to discern high versus low tide times, caution even when taking the tried-and-tested path toward the no man’s land, as well as constant awareness of the surroundings — not only to preserve your own life, but the lives of all of the sea creatures and foliage occupying the cave. While the entirety of the journey is a mere mile, the expedition is much more similar to sprinting down Snake Path blindfolded than taking a quick jaunt down Library Walk, sans tablers and hoverboards. Nevertheless, if timing, technique and lack of timidity are your specialty, this hidden gem is worth the risk.

Mostly known for its hipster cafes serving five-dollar, organic, fair-trade drip honey lattes, thrift stores selling everything from grandma carpet bags to faux-leather fringe vests and breweries featuring local beers, artisan hors d’oeuvres and underground musicians, Hillcrest County of San Diego is the last place one would consider to be home to a suspension bridge overlooking a canyon. The Spruce Street Suspension Bridge, towering over a mountainous divide that geographically bars the growing neighborhoods from the newly-constructed public transit lines in the heart of Hillcrest, is an urban piece that literally bridges the gap between the underdeveloped and the development in-progress. While being a well-known icon for the true natives of Hillcrest, this bridge has been a playground for a handful of Hillcrest inhabitants, but for others it appears to be a displaced, unheard-of urban phenomenon. Those familiar to this bridge warn that it’s not for the faint of heart, especially for those fearful of heights, bridges or, really, anything with a pendulum-like motion — although many also argue that the company kept in this adventure determines the fear factor. In other words, go with a crew that is supportive and will cheer you across the bridge, not one that will jump wildly on opposite sides of the bridge, intentionally trying to sway you. Originally designed to be a pedestrian haven and mode of walkability, the bridge is now a hidden secret of San Diego’s architectural landscape. So the next time you’re heading to Hillcrest to pick up $50 worth of fancy stationery or a $15 croissant and macchiato combo, stop by the Spruce Street Suspension Bridge to get a taste of adventure above the metropolis.

Triton 5K

Written by Brittney Lu// Lifestyle Co-Editor Photo courtesy of Triton5K As beautiful as it is to lounge around watching endless reruns of “Parks and Rec,” sipping on a glass of Two-Buck Chuck — or Martinelli’s sparkling cider for all the minors out here — there is something so rewarding in knowing that you have finally gotten off the couch to partake in, wait for it … exercise. And if this generally undesirable occurrence happens to be just a once-a-year anomaly, the annual Triton 5K is your time to shine. For athletes of any and all stages, this 3.1-mile “race” through UCSD’s campus is the perfect opportunity to run, walk, sprint, dance or hop your way through all of UCSD’s iconic landmarks and across all ranges of terrain. Established 20 years ago by former Chancellor and UC President Bob Dynes, this fun course was designed to help fund student scholarships while providing a means for students, staff, faculty and families to engage in healthy lifestyles. Not to mention, the entire course is pet-friendly. Either individually, or in teams, the 5K is a chance to not only show off athletic ability, but fashion sense through creative costumes or decorative running shoes. Still not convinced? The Triton 5K also provides plenty of opportunities to be a volunteer to encourage those sprinting the 3.1 miles, hand water to joggers or simply provide entertainment for those passing by. What’s more, is that complimentary admission will be given to incoming students who SIR on Triton Day so they can experience the UCSD community and geography firsthand. For everyone else, while this Sunday, April 4 at 11:59 p.m. is the last opportunity to register online, registration will still take place the morning of the race itself on Sunday, April 10 at 9 a.m. near North Point Lane in front of Spanos Athletic Training Facility, so there is really no excuse to opt out. For entry, there is a $10 fee for students, $35 fee for staff and faculty and $40 fee for the general San Diego community, which not only helps fund student scholarships but covers the cost for a Triton 5K shirt, gear bag and finish-line festival. So as appealing as spending the next few weekends in front of Netflix may seem, the Triton 5K is the perfect opportunity to explore more of campus during the peak of spring.

Muir Musical Written by Christian Gerard Gella// Lifestyle Senior Staff Writer Photo courtesy of Muir Musical Muir Musical is back at it again — not just with the spotlights on the white Vans, but rap, hip-hop and the National Tour set of “In The Heights.” That’s right. The Muir Musical Ensemble of UCSD, partnered with A.S. Council, are staging the Tony Award-winning musical — music and lyrics by “Hamilton”’s Lin-Manuel Miranda and writer Quiara Alegria Hudes — set in Manhattan, New York. Washington Heights, to be exact, a Latin American suburb where narratives converge. Couple this ready-to-change neighborhood with a winning lottery ticket and some musical numbers — from hiphop to salsa! — and you’re ready to have a rockin’, dance-filled summer in New York. Let’s rewind: the National Tour set? You’re correct. Go ahead. Pull up a smartphone and Bing! away at the search bar — that low-resolution suddenly becomes real-life resolution when the curtains part and that set is waiting there for you, in all of its glory. Seriously, that set is a beauty to behold; it took nearly a week to construct all of it. The details are meticulous down to the shelves, the brick walls and even the Washington Bridge. All of this is done in wonderful synergy for that picturesque National Geographic, nature documentary — except, well, this is Theatre. If, for some reason, you’ve accustomed yourself to the post-class rush and are an avid consumer of buying your seats at the very last minute, you might want to hurry over to the UCSD Box Office. Tickets are free for UCSD students, and the weatherman and resident astrologist predict they could run dry very quickly, so grab your tickets at the UCSD Box Office today.

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PHOTO COURTESY OF ACESHOWBIZ

FILM REVIEW

ALBUM REVIEW

SEPT. 5TH by DVSN Release Date March 27

B+

Batman v. superman Directed by Zack Snyder Starring Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill Rated PG-13 Release Date March 25

he editing is cluttered, the writing is unfocused and the characters are underdeveloped. Though indeed accurate and virtually undeniable, these points have been so savagely exhausted by critics that nothing more will be said about them here. This review will instead center on the most fulfilling features of “Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice.” The first and most satisfying thing you can do with this movie is revel in the brutal cynicism that is Ben Affleck’s Batman. Despite the character’s cultural reputation, this iteration can only be defined as a hero in the most generous sense of the word. His disregard for the wellbeing of criminals is apparent: He beats, brands and even kills. Does he still care about saving people? If it doesn’t inconvenience him, maybe. But it’s more a habit than it is an effect of his conscience. This spirit, or lack thereof, represents exactly the kind of departure that a new Batman needs, especially following the unbreakable moral

B-

The movie seems to be directed by a child, which is both hugely disastrous and sufficiently satisfying.

dvsn stands on the precipice of perfection.

code of Christian Bale’s Batman. Moreover, his gripe with the Man of Steel, who is flying in his skies, destroying his buildings and killing his people, is absolutely justified. Though all of this is a byproduct of Clark Kent trying to save humanity, it is nonetheless disconcerting — one might even think wrong — that he does it on his own accord and refuses to conform to the democratic will of any nation or people. Bruce then sets out to do what a sensible and brave man would do to an all-powerful alien wreaking havoc upon his planet and people: bring him to heel. Almost as compelling is Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor, who lends his man-child hands and personality to orchestrate the conflict, painting it as his own sadistic, selfempowering opera. Some criticize his characterization of the iconic villain as being too cartoonish. However, a reasonable man would praise it for being committed and unique. Sure, we don’t get a precise explanation as to why he acts so eccentrically,

but we knew nothing of the Joker’s background in “The Dark Knight” either, yet his kookiness earned unanimous praise as well as an Oscar. Fianlly, Wonder Woman, portrayed sufficiently by pseudoactress Gal Gadot, is also a welcome supplement to the otherwise malecentric drama. She’s both cunning and independent, qualities that the movie’s other female characters direly lack. Lois Lane, for example, is an empty vessel whose sole purpose is to follow her “journalistic impulses” into danger so that her superpowered hubby can rescue her. She is a disservice to the character and, more generally, women in cinema. Anyways, returning to this review’s theme of positivity, “Batman v. Superman” is exciting and even, at times, intellectually intriguing. One, mainly scholars, might call it a “coolass movie.” Yes, its flaws are plentiful and apparent — no one would fault you for noticing them — but, for some, the implications of the titular conflict will be just enough.

— Jacky to

Senior Staff Writer

xisting in the space between the ‘90s and the current R&B scene, dvsn’s “SEPT. 5TH” is a master in bridging generational sonic gaps. Having appeared out of nowhere last October on OVO Sound Radio, dvsn immediately became an object of public mystery — what was this mysterious group or artist with two phenomenal songs doing? Forming an identity that admonishes its cabal of influences, dvsn’s aura is informed by the classic slow jams of Ginuwine all the way to the spastic visions of Nao. The woozy aesthetic of the postWeeknd era isn’t cut down but rather fused with sharp synths and strums by producer Nineteen85, who forms dvsn alongside songwriter-turned-singer Daniel Daley. “SEPT. 5TH” serves as a strong showcase for both producer and vocalist, both working in arrangements meant to stretch their abilities and prove their versatility in only 10 tracks. The economy of the tracklist places great weight on an album for great consistency; every song counts. Luckily, there’s an effortless chemistry between the two, a natural result of their longstanding friendship.“Try / Effortless” has a cycling buildup of light snares that excites and tapers off with the song’s slow turn into a drawling, breathy outro, but the power of the song lies in its simple but no-less-mesmerizing hook. Daley’s singing speaks to the heart with its arresting richness and sensuality. He cruises through inflections on a whim, able to ride the soulful keys of “Angela” that has him

laying down vocals worthy of a gospel choir or grippingly belting out halfway through “The Line.” Their greatest weakness lies in writing, often victim to groaners and hardheaded lines like “I could make it better/ if I could have sex with you” on the titular track “Sept. 5th.” The otherwise-great “Another One,” with its warbling guitar and oscillating synth backbone, has a brief lapse in focus when Daley croons, “Sometimes we take our clothes off/ and find the naked truth.” His conviction keeps the song from sputtering as it’s repeated each time, redeeming the line by delivering one of the catchiest hooks on the album. Slight embellishments like these speak to the sublime, meticulously constructed soundscapes of Nineteen85, who has proven to be one of the best producers in pop by sheer virtue of his versatility, making it hard for his beats to be identified by any one signature sound. The group’s relative obscurity is beguiling and now sure to be short-lived. What was born as an ambitious project from the humble producer behind “Hotline Bling” has managed to deliver one of the year’s best albums. Tucked away in the dawn of spring, “SEPT. 5TH” is the harmony that results when artists work perfectly in tandem.

— Sam velazquez

A&E Associate Editor

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SPORTS

UPCOMING

CONTACT THE EDITOR

MARCUS THUILLIER & DEV JAIN sports@ucsdguardian.org

UCSD

GAMES

W. Tennis W.Water Polo M. Volleyball Baseball W.Water Polo

3/31 4/2 4/2 4/3 4/3

VS Nevada VS Chico State AT USC VS Stanislaus State VS Cal State East Bay

Tritons Split Four Games vs CSULA UCSD give up two runs in the bottom of the 11th, lose 3–2 in a close showdown. Written by Dev Jain Sports Editor // Photo by Jonathan Gao

n Saturday at the Merritt College tennis courts in Oakland, the No. 17 UCSD men’s tennis team handily dispatched No. 32 Holy Names 7–2. UCSD improved its record to 11–6 on the season. The Tritons had a 2–1 lead after the doubles matches and would go on to win five of the six singles matches. In No. 1 singles, sophomore Eric Tseng captured his third straight win, defeating freshman Hugo Colpart 4–6, 6–0 and 7–6. It was Tseng’s fourth match in the No. 1 spot. With an impressive win streak of his own, sophomore Justin Zhang earned his seventh straight victory at the No. 2 spot, beating senior Andrew Armor 6–3 and 6–1. At No. 3, junior Alexandre Miaule defeated junior Matthew Halligan 6–7, 6–3 and 6–4 in three sets while No. 4 freshman Rodrigo Amaral and No. 6 freshman Richard Han earned decisive straight-set victories. In doubles, Miaule and senior Horea Porutiu raised their season record to 12–3 by taking care of senior Adam Duong and junior Ivan Parra 8–6 at No. 2. Amaral and Zhang teamed up at No. 3 to down Armor and freshman Bernardo Moraes 8–6 as well. Holy Names University won the No.1 doubles match as Colpart and Halligan defeated Tseng and senior Axel Bouillin at 8–10. The Tritons will look to earn their third straight victory when they face off against Concordia in Irvine on March 30. UCSD won the last matchup 8–1 in La Jolla on Jan. 30.

Dev Jain

dajain@ucsd.edu

Tritons improve to 10-8 UCSD dominate Sonoma State, look forward to Nevada next Written by Samantha Glantz Senior Staff Writer // Photo by Duyen Nguyen

The UCSD women’s tennis team took down Sonoma State and won 7–2 this past Easter Sunday. No. 22 UCSD (10–8) took an early lead as it swept Sonoma in all three doubles matches. Senior Kyra Scott and sophomore Britta Mosser, UCSD’s top doubles team, proved why they are ranked No. 25 in the country, as they defeated Sonoma’s top doubles team 8–6. Mosser went on to win her singles match after a three-set battle with Sonoma State’s junior Jordyn Kearney, winning her first set 6–0, losing her second 5–7 and then triumphing in the last set with 11–9. Meanwhile, UCSD’s standout Scott, playing in the top singles spot, saw her eight-match winning streak come to an end as she dropped her singles match to Sonoma State’s freshman Jensyn Warren 6–2 and 6–3. Freshman Ashley Chao and junior Shannon Theisen, however, won 8–5 in their doubles match as their teammates, freshmen Madison Hale and Alexandra Weil, went on to crush their opponents in doubles 8–1. Sophomore Jasmine Hosseini, Weil and Hale continued their streaks and eventually went on to win their singles matches against their Sonoma State counterparts. After UCSD’s victory at Sonoma, the Tritons remain ranked No. 22 in the nation and No. 4 in the West region. UCSD will host University of Nevada at Reno on Thursday, March 31 at 2 p.m.

gurkirat singh

sglantz@ucsd.edu

SPORTS

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VOLLEYBALL

UCSD Swept In Both Matches Tritons dominated by No. 3 BYU, will have final road trip next week. BY Alex Wu

staff writer The UCSD menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s volleyball team had a bit of a rough weekend. Entering the weekend with a 5â&#x20AC;&#x201C;17 record, the Tritons looked to upset the stellar No. 3 BYU Cougars in back-to-back matchups on Friday and Saturday night. Although some of the individual sets were close, the Tritons could not do anything to stop the Cougars as they were swept in both matches, dropping to a 5â&#x20AC;&#x201C;19 overall record. Game One: To start out the game, the Cougars had their way against the Tritons, quickly going up 4â&#x20AC;&#x201C;1, after which they remained in control of the set. UCSD made it close with some quick scores thanks to a kill by sophomore opposite Tanner Syftestad and an attacking error by the Cougars, allowing the team to pull within three points. Afterwards, however, BYU regained control by scoring in bunches and then stormed to a decisive 25â&#x20AC;&#x201C;18 set victory. The Tritons showed no signs of backing down, however, and the team came out on fire in the second set, largely due to three kills by Syftestad which allowed the team to take a 10â&#x20AC;&#x201C;6 lead early on. UCSD held the lead up until a kill by BYU sophomore middle blocker Price Jarman tied the game, but Syftestad responded with another kill to put the Tritons back on top, giving UCSD the lead again with a score of 17â&#x20AC;&#x201C;16. From then on, the game became a back-and-forth affair, requiring the set to go into extra points, where the Cougars eventually squeaked by with a 26â&#x20AC;&#x201C;24 victory. With what would become the final set of the night, the Cougars appeared to have figured out the Tritonsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; superpowers and built up to a 12â&#x20AC;&#x201C;3 lead early in the set. But, just when it looked like the Cougars would run away with the set and the match, the Tritons proved to still have some fight left in them. Scoring in chunks for the remainder of the match, they were able to put themselves right back into the game, thanks to some multi-point scoring runs that would put them within reach of a score of 20â&#x20AC;&#x201C;22. Unfortunately, the Cougars still had just enough left in the tank to close out the set with a 25â&#x20AC;&#x201C;21 victory. Even with the Tritons battling hard, the Cougars definitely had the upper hand throughout the match, leading in attack percentage during every set, with an overall attack percentage of .289 (4214-97), compared to the Tritonsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; .219 (39-18-96). Junior outside hitter Ian Colbert and Syftestad led the team with 11 kills apiece, while senior outside hitter Kirill Rudenko had a team high 11 digs. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We battled hard and really competed,â&#x20AC;? UCSD Head Coach Kevin Ring told the athletics department. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We had some opportunities, especially in that second set. We felt like we left some plays on the court.â&#x20AC;? Game Two: The very next night, the Tritons were given another chance to take down the Cougars, but unfortunately for the Tritons, the games werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t any closer. From the very beginning, the Cougars got out to a hot start, nearly pushing their lead to double digits after pulling ahead 16â&#x20AC;&#x201C;8 halfway through the set. While the Tritons turned up the intensity, outscoring the Cougars 11â&#x20AC;&#x201C;9 for the rest of the set, the Cougars were still able to pull away with a 25â&#x20AC;&#x201C;19 victory. In a nice change of pace, the Tritons were able to hang in there with the Cougars to start the

PHOTO BY MEGAN LEE/UCSD GUARDIAN

second set, preventing BYU from dominating the scoreboard. But, after tying the score 6â&#x20AC;&#x201C;6, the Tritons couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t build on any of their momentum and allowed the Cougars to go on countless scoring runs, after which the Cougars wound up demolishing the Tritons 25â&#x20AC;&#x201C;13. Just like the night before, the Tritons would not concede the game without a fight. Once again stopping the Cougars from speeding ahead with an early lead, the Tritons fought tooth and nail with the Cougars in a back-and-forth duel for just about the entire set. A late kill by Colbert cut their deficit to two in a 16â&#x20AC;&#x201C;18 match, but the Cougars would not allow them to get any closer. However, even when the Cougars began to pull away, their lead was no greater than six points, as the Tritons fought hard the entire match, despite dropping to the Cougars one last time 21â&#x20AC;&#x201C;25. Once again, the Tritons were outplayed by the Cougars, amassing a meager team attack percentage of .198 (30-13-86) compared to BYUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s excellent .402 (46-13-82). Still, Colbert had a strong showing of 12 kills off an attack percentage of .379 (12-1-29), while freshman setter Ryan Blaich led the team in assists and digs with 13 and six respectively. With the losses, the Tritons fell to 5â&#x20AC;&#x201C;19 overall on the season and 0â&#x20AC;&#x201C;18 in the Mountain Pacific Sports Federation, whereas the Cougars rose to 19â&#x20AC;&#x201C;3 overall and 15â&#x20AC;&#x201C;3 in MPSF play. The Tritons will embark on their final road trip of the season with their game against California Baptist on Friday, April 1. Alex Wu

adw006@ucsd.edu

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BIKES A Simple Bike - $10. Bike has been sitting on the patio for at least a year. Tires need air. Just never use it. Listing ID: 248020893 at ucsdguardian.org/classifieds for more information Nishiki Mariscopa Road Bike - $275. New Nishiki road bike used twice. I bought it at Dick’s for $799 and ended up getting another bike. Listing ID: 248020889 at ucsdguardian.org/classifieds for more information

WE ARE LOOKING FOR OUR NEXT GREAT EMPLOYEE for WEEKENDS and for SUMMER. Are you hard working? Dedicated? Really outgoing? You can actually have an exciting job!

Astro A40s Xbox One Gaming Headset $130. Still in near perfect condition. Box and all parts and instructions included. Listing ID: 248020959 at ucsdguardian.org/ classifieds for more information

Chocolate Couch and Matching Loveseat $800. Excellent matching sofa and loveseat set. Credible offers will be entertained. Sofa is electric recliner. Loveseat is manual reclining. Listing ID: 248020983 at ucsdguardian. org/classifieds for more information

State your name and contact cell number.

FURNITURE

Schwinn Bike with Lots of Extras - $300. Schwinn bike for sale! We bought it in mid-January. Listing ID: 248020887 at ucsdguardian.org/classifieds for more information

Mirror, Desk, Chair (Set) - $80. Moving out of town, selling some of our furniture to lessen the stuff to move. All in excellent condition. Listing ID: 248020977 at ucsdguardian.org/ classifieds for more information

ELECTRONICS

Cali King Bed - $750. Cali King bed frame. Ashley memory foam mattress included. Leather frame and headrest. Hate to let go but new place is too small for it. Original owner. Serious buyers only. No deliveries. Listing ID: 248020975 at ucsdguardian.org/ classifieds for more information

Flat Screen TV - $90. 32 inches. In terrific condition. Comes with a remote. Listing ID: 248020967 at ucsdguardian.org/classifieds for more information

Complete the grid so each row, column and 3-by-3 box (in bold borders) contains every digit, 1 to 9. For strategies on how to solve Sudoku, visit www.sudoku.org.uk

Level: 1 2 3 4

Course Reader Printing Post Office • USPS • FedEx DHL International

ULTRAZONE LASER TAG IS HIRING!

Akai Professional LPK25 Keyboard - $30. Still in good condition. Works perfectly fine and comes with the USB port. Listing ID: 248020964 at ucsdguardian.org/classifieds for more information

Level: 1 2 3 4

Poster Printing Color CopIES Print PDF Files

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CONTACT THE EDITOR

BALLZ MCBALLSY spurts@ucsdguardian.org

Hi! A$H Ketchup here. Here’s your first starter pack. Use these cards wisely and treat them well. If you raise them with love, they will give you even more love in return. GOTTA PAY ‘EM ALL!

SPURTZ