2 minute read
Christ Alone - Caitlyn Howell
Christ Alone
Some days, putting faith into action just means smiling, because, some days, that in itself is a monumental task.
Caitlyn Howell, ’19, faced days like that in spring 2020, and not because of COVID-19. On March 5th, her father – Billy Howell, a longtime pastor and beloved husband, father, and friend – committed suicide.
He had battled depression and anxiety for decades, riding the waves through many highs and lows over the years. His loving wife and family rode the waves with him. But, some days, the lows are unexpectedly low, and the yearning for life in heaven is unexpectedly strong. He had one of those days. His family found out later, and they came together in a way they’d never had to before.
Mr. Howell genuinely loved the Lord, knew Scripture, and served others well. He had an authentic faith and a powerful ministry; the 500+ people who attended his funeral were a testament to that.
The pastor for the funeral, who had been brought to Christ by Mr. Howell several years prior, said, “It’s not surprising that, in a moment of weakness, Billy did what he did. What’s surprising is that, for 56 years, he conquered through what he did.”
When Caitlyn began her Master of Arts in Christian Studies in January, she and her dad had long talks about her classes. Caitlyn looks back fondly on those months. They did make her question the Lord after her father’s passing, though.
“I was angry at God at first,” Caitlyn admitted. “I was like, ‘Why would you give me this deeper connection with my dad just to strip it away?’ But the Lord is faithful and has been revealing to me how He truly does bring beauty from ashes. While it’s painful and hard, suffering is never for nothing. God is teaching me a lot.”
Some things she’s learned have been more practical, like how to research and purchase a new car. Other lessons have been more spiritual. She’s seen how important it is to place confidence in God rather than yourself, since we’re all only human. It’s also helped her accept imperfection in people. As she says, “Christians aren’t perfect, but we serve a perfect God.” And she has seen how important it is for fellow believers to support each other, like how her church family has encouraged her and her sister, Brooke, MSHHP ’20, during this difficult season.
Caitlyn’s biggest lesson, however, is in having her own faith that is not reliant on anyone except Christ. Her dad had been an anchor of her faith. Now, it’s only between her and God. That was scary, but it’s turned into something sweet.
She said, “Dad always reminded us that we aren’t eternal, but Christ’s work is. He was always most proud of our ‘faith walk.’ My steadfast hope is in the Lord alone. Christ alone is my anchor.”
Caitlyn, Billy, and Brooke Howell April 2018
