Sex for dummies

By Rey Mattes @reyputati0n

Sex! Sex. Let’s talk about sex baby!

You know what time it is. It’s always daunting to talk about sex with a stranger, but I’m no stranger! Think of me as your inner voice who is probably going to tell you all of the things you need to know about sex, especially if you don’t have experience, or even as much experience as you’d like. To be as inclusive as possible, I’ll be talking about sex and relationships in terms of what parts you or your partner(s) may have and use when getting down.

Trust and consent

Before you can get down though, you’ve got to know what’s up. What’s up is trust and consent.

This may be obvious to some, but is definitely necessary to go over.

Consent is (I hope) a no-brainer. Respect “no.” Know that “no” isn’t always a verbal “no.” It can be hesitation, “I’m not sure”, or even a lack of an enthusiastic “yes”. Always practice informed consent. If you’re unsure, ask if what you’re about to do is okay or if it feels good! It’s hot to make sure that the other person is happy and comfortable.

When I say trust, I mean that I’ll be discussing how to determine that the person/people you’re going to be intimate with are worthy of you and your vulnerability, because having sex puts you in a very vulnerable position.

For example, if you’re considering having sex with a man, does he use the word “female” instead of “women”? Or, no matter who you’re considering having sex with, do you think that they would be honest with you about their sexual health and history? Would they make you feel bad if you decided to withdraw consent at any point in the act?

Considering these things and more can help you avoid unfortunate circumstances, from awkwardness to STIs to dangerous situations.

STIs

Speaking of STIs, they’re very important and very stigmatized, as I’m sure many of you already know. What you may not know is how common they are among people our age.

According to the CDC, in 2016 it was found that about 2.5% of college-aged students had contracted an STD at some time in the previous year. That may not sound like a lot, but considering the approximate 47k Coogs here at UH, 2.5% of that is still over 1000 people. To stop yourself from being part of the 2.5% and suffering the potential side effects that many STDs come with, talking about sexual health openly with your partner(s) is the first step.

Getting tested for STDs is extremely important, especially since you don’t know every single person your partner(s) has been with and what their sexual history is. The Student Health Center on campus offers confidential STI and HIV testing, which is a fantastic resource for keeping Coog’s coochies healthy, and there are occasional popup events for testing around campus.

There are other resources available to you off campus if that’s what you’d prefer, some of which are listed here.

Lastly, another option for all of you is Planned Parenthood, which does a lot more for sexual health than some sources would like you to believe. Their website allows you to schedule an appointment, locate a clinic nearest to you, and learn about STIs in a purely medical sense, no nonsense, no stigma. Keeping this conversation light but educated will help de-stigmatize the conversation around STIs, which will help all of us in the long run be able to get sexy without fear.

Sexy...and what it is

Another aspect of sex that can be quite scary for newcomers (or even practiced performers!) is figuring out what “sexy” even is, and how to feel sexy in the moments leading up to and during sex, rather than feeling embarrassed or stupid.

Feeling “sexy” isn’t always wearing an expensive lingerie set or being neatly groomed down there (but no shame if it is!). Finding what makes you feel sexy and attractive is important in self-discovery, but also helps with figuring out what you want. For just this moment, pretend I’m a supportive older sibling, never EVER shave only because someone else asked you to. Your body hair is your choice. Wax it, have it, shave it, dye it, that’s up to you, but don’t let anyone make that choice for you.

Embracing what your body does and how it looks is sexy, and wearing anything (or even nothing at all *wink*) can make you feel sexy! Your body is yours to flaunt, embrace, and love, and your love is the first one you should strive for.

Self-love

Speaking of self-love, pornographic material is often the first place beginners go to when looking for tips on what to do when having sex.

Though it’s not the best or most realistic by a long shot, it can provide ideas and general where things are located for visual learners.

Articles online can also be helpful, just like this one, but make sure your source is reputable! For an on-campus resource for LGBTQ+ individuals, the UH Wellness community and the LGBTQ+ Resource Center are partnering to put on a “Queer Sex After Dark'' this month on February 9th.

The Wellness community puts on a plethora of sexual health events, so keep an eye on their Instagram to stay in the know. These events won’t teach you about one of the most important aspects of sex which are preferences (kinks and/or fetishes, positions, etc)! Preferences like this can depend on your partner(s), so make sure you’re asking them openly what they like before and/or during the deed! Talking about sex openly also helps reduce the stigma around sex, kinks, and all of those things we consider taboo today.

Contraception

Methods of contraception and which ones are the best for you is a very personal conversation but is also quite a loaded topic. There are a variety of options so pick one that is best for you, but always, always, ALWAYS use some method of contraception if you’re in a sexual situation that has any level of risk, which is typically all scenarios. Stay safe, have fun, and let’s get sexy AND informed!