Liza ZANOZINA

Delete

Liza Zanozina

When I open my laptop, the first thing I see is a small sticker covering my camera. ‘Hello,’ I say, and it smiles back at me as if saying ‘Do not fret! I will protect you’. I seem to believe it every time.

Funny how a simple sticker makes you feel safe and secure. A lot more than, let’s say, bars on your windows. We don’t even have them anymore, do we? Neither do we have security guards in the lobby. CCTV does just fine. But what if someone puts a pink smiley sticker on it, too?

I open my browser to check my email. Am I waiting for something important? Well, hard to say, but you never know, right? A rain of ads falls down on me. And even if there was something important, it would probably sink in the ocean of all these commercials. When did I even sign up for all of this?

I take a sip of my chamomile tea and read the first heading:

YOUR ACCESS TO THE FREE WEBINAR EXPIRES TODAY

Can’t they stop? I already have FOMO, so, please, people, don’t make it worse. Delete.

Another sip, another heading:

INTERESTED IN MEASURING ELECTRICAL PROPERTIES OF SOLUTIONS?

‘Hell, no,’ I say to myself wondering what I did wrong to receive such an awful email. Well, maybe someone who really, really hates me has put me on a subscription list? Delete.

Then the next:

TODAY ONLY! 20% OFF ALL THE BOOKS

I’d buy all their books, I really would, if only I didn’t have piles of them waiting for me already. Do they happen to sell some extra time somewhere? I would really use some right now. Delete.

And so it goes.

5 MOST POPULAR THEATRE PERFORMANCES TO GO TO THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

Baby, it’s COVID outside. Haven’t they heard about it or something? Delete.

ENROLL ON ONE OF THIS WEEK’S TOP COURSES

I have already enrolled to do my masters and guess what? I question my sanity every day. So why on Earth would I sign up for more torture? Delete.

Sorry, Duo, not today. Delete.

YOU MADE DUO SAD.

THREE CHRISTMAS SPECIALS YOU’RE BOUND TO LOVE

Oh really? What if I don’t? Will you use my IP address to track me down? Delete.

TIME FOR TEA

Talking about tea… I need more chamomile. Delete.

LEARN HOW TO MANAGE FINANCES IN 2021

Come on, guys, it’s easy when you don’t have that much to manage. Delete.

PLEASE, RATE YOUR PURCHASE!

Oh, please, don’t remind me how much money I’ve spent on this. Oh, wait! Maybe I do need to learn how to manage finances? Where is the ‘undelete’ button? Delete.

YOU GOT AN EMAIL

An email about an email about an email? Seriously? Is that some sort of a matreshka or something? Delete.

I keep sipping chamomile. I keep reading the headings. I keep deleting the letters one by

one.

FINAL HOURS! WILL YOU SAVE 50%?

Yeah, I sure will. I’ll actually save 100% just by not buying anything. See I don’t need to learn how to deal with money. I am already a guru. Delete.

LET’S TALK ABOUT CONTACT LENSES

Yeah, sure, such a topic. Delete.

ELIZAVETA, HAVE YOU PROTECTED YOUR ONLINE DATA RECENTLY?

I actually have, thanks for asking. I’ve put a sticker on my web camera, what else do I need? Delete.

TWO WEEKS LEFT

I stop here for a second. This one sounds a bit scary. What did they really mean? Two weeks left… Till what? End of the sale? End of the year? End of the world? Well, scary or not, I delete it anyways.

MINDFULNESS TIPS TO HELP KIDS THIS DECEMBER

I wonder if they are going to work with 23-year-old kids… Guess not. Delete.

GET FIT FOR 2021

Isn’t it a bit too late for that? I mean, there are like two weeks left till the end of the year. Or even the world. And it’s gonna take me like two weeks to just mentally prepare to start working out again. Delete.

IT’S TIME TO TREAT YOURSELF

That’s the spirit! It sounds so much better than working out. What are they offering? Let’s see… Oh, it’s just Canva. Delete.

YOUR PERSONAL RECOMMENDATIONS

How do these guys know what I want when even I don’t know myself? Delete.

WHO IS SANTA? I AM SANTA

Oh, yeah, if you are Santa, who am I then? Beyoncé? Delete.

TIME IS RUNNING OUT

I know, edX, I know, but what can I do? Only delete you, I guess. Delete.

BEST DECEMBER DEALS

I would take a look if it wasn’t a website selling medicine. Delete.

LATEST MARKET INSIGHTS

What’s that? Looks like I really don’t need finance courses, otherwise why would I be signed up for FOREX newsletter, right? Delete.

I meticulously go through the list deleting all the junk and sorting a few real emails that I got into the right folders until my mailbox is crystal clear. No unread messages. No trace of ads. No new notifications. Nothing.

For a moment, I feel proud of myself for defeating the unseen enemy. I feel powerful. I feel in control of my mailbox and, hence, my life. For a moment, I feel great and I am about to leave when the notification pops up:

5-HOURS ONLY! HURRY

And then, it starts all over again…