Jewish News Supplement - Mazel Tov (November 2023) by United Jewish Federation of Tidewater

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Mazel Tov Milestone Mazel Tovs

Stephanie Peck From a paper-themed first anniversary to diamonds for a celebration of 60 years, wedding anniversaries acknowledge that a married couple has persevered through another 365 days of togetherness. In 2023, these four couples celebrated special anniversaries. Jewish News asks how they met, how they make it work, and what the future might hold for them. Mazel Tov!

Melissa and Aaron Kass

15 years

Jewish News: When and where did you meet? Melissa and Aaron Kass: We met in November 2006, chaperoning a USY (United Synagogue Youth) convention for over 200 teenagers, at the Wyndham on 57th Street at the Oceanfront here in Virginia Beach. JN: What was most memorable about your wedding? M&A: The most memorable part of our wedding was seeing friends and family from all different parts of our lives all together in the same place, in South Florida no less! It was wonderful.

Linda and Ron Spindel

55 years

JN: What advice would you give yourselves of 15 years ago? M&A: Life is fullest when we’re busy – don't shy away from being involved, traveling, and having children all at the same time – and constantly supporting one another is the secret sauce.

Jewish News: When and where did you meet? Linda and Ron Spindel: We met at a restaurant in Virginia Beach when we were 14 or 15, while Linda was attending a “beach weekend” with her Iota sorority sisters. JN: What was most memorable about your wedding? L&R: We got married on May 5, 1968 at Ohef Sholom. Our wedding was so special because everyone we loved was there.

JN: What has been your secret to staying together? M&A: Our secret to staying together is that while we have a lot of things we like to do together, we support each other when we have separate interests so that each of us can be fulfilled both as a couple and individually. JN: What are you looking forward to? M&A: We’re looking forward to our oldest son Jonah's Bar Mitzvah in the beginning of December!

JN: What advice would you give yourselves of 55 years ago? L&R: When times are tough, being together will give us much more than double the strength to help face anything life may hold for us. JN: What has been your secret to staying together? L&R: We were friends first, and just as our friendship grew, so did the love and respect we feel for each other. Oh, and a good sense of humor is a valuable coping mechanism! JN: What are you looking forward to? L&R: Growing old together and watching our grandchildren flourish. JN: Anything else you’d like to add? L&R: The second-best gift we’ve ever been given is being together. The first is the love and support of our family and friends. We’ve also had the benefit of watching our Aunt Jane and Uncle Lenny Frieden demonstrate what a long and happy life together looks like. 20 | JEWISH NEWS | November 27, 2023 | jewishnewsva.org

Mazel Tov Ellen and Y aron Anitai

flowers and carried us around the Moshev, welcoming us as a couple into the agricultural life.

50 years

JN: What advice would you give yourselves of 50 years ago?

Jewish News: When and where did you meet?

E&Y: To remain patient through challenging times. Also, when possible, not to take it all so seriously. My folks, Ruth and Morris Berloff, Za’al, (from Akron, Ohio) taught me, ‘you are not the center of the universe!’ It’s never difficult when things are easy and all runs smooth. Unfortunately, unless one is extremely fortunate, challenges and difficulties do present themselves. Differing opinions and agreeing to disagree, discuss, and remaining open to negotiate and consider the other’s wishes or opinions are paramount. Remaining patient and trying to work it out can work wonders.

Ellen and Yaron Anitia: Following high school, in 1978, I (Ellen) volunteered for a year-long service in Israel ‘Sherut La’am. My group, from the U.S. and Canada, was sent to northern Kibbutz Gadot at the foot of the Golan Heights. Mid-year, the IDF recruited me via the Jewish agency to serve in ‘Machal,’ volunteers to IDF from outside Israel. At the end of my exciting, two-year stint, serving in an area that helped stabilize the Israeli border with its Syrian neighbor, the IDF transferred me back to Kibbutz Bet HaEmek near Nahariya. During that kibbutz period, my friendly roommate, Orita, met a local young man, Udi, on a bus ride to Tel Aviv; he was from nearby Moshav Shavei Zion (a collective farming village). She invited him to come visit for coffee. Udi did come visit, bringing along his friend – a tall, very cute, curly-haired blonde young man named Yaron. Later, Yaron continued to return for coffee, visiting my roommate, and barely glancing in my direction! That continued for a few weeks. One evening, Orita was away when he visited. We sat in the moadone (rec center) and talked a long while. He asked me to go see a movie in nearby Nahariya that evening. I was not sure I trusted him driving through the dark, farm fields, so I hid a deadly weapon: a dull challah knife (!) under my coat for self-protection! Thankfully, I did not use it! JN: What was the most memorable about your wedding? E&Y: We were married on Yaron’s Moshev Shavei Zion. It was a warm, clear, and lovely evening outdoors, under the stars. My parents were with us for their first and only trip to Israel – a dream fulfilled for them. At the conclusion of the orthodox ceremony, a fully decorated tractor, with a bench on its large forklift, appeared. It was covered in white linens with eucalyptus branches and colorful

JN: What has been your secret to staying together? E&Y: Number one, we remain in love, but stronger than in the beginning. We each take pride in the area in which the other excels and their accomplishments. Remembering to be respectful and not take for granted. Plus, to make time and be there for the other always. JN: What are you looking forward to? E&Y: In a macro scale: peace in this combative world wherever needed. And on a personal micro scale: continuing to wake up next to each other every morning and remaining together in good health. Plus, watching our grandchildren grow mesmerizes us. It’s so much fun spending time with our kids and their kids, m’doar l’doar!

Allison and Jeff Cooper

15 years

Jewish News: When and where did you meet? Allison and Jeff: We met on JDate! JN: What was most memorable about your wedding? A&J: It was just very “us”: a jazz band, a Croquembouche wedding cake, at a historic home in the heart of DC. JN: What advice would you give yourselves of 15 years ago? A&J: Life will constantly evolve in big and small ways, so keep communicating through the inevitable changes. JN: What has been your secret to staying together? A&J: We always say “opposites attract but similarities stick.” We think it's our shared values, tastes and goals that make it work. JN: What are you looking forward to? A&J: We’ve loved every stage of our relationship, from “younger” adults in DC to married and family life in Norfolk. No matter the future, we know we'll enjoy it together. jewishnewsva.org | November 27, 2023 | JEWISH NEWS | 21

Mazel Tov Abbey Pachter’s A Monarch in Winter launches to rave reviews Terri Denison Monarch in Winter, Abbey Pachter’s “Biography of a Butterfly” was celebrated at a book launch earlier this month. The book details the life of a male monarch butterfly, which Pachter rescued from freezing when it was a caterpillar. Over the span of a few months, Pachter, who holds a PhD in professional nursing, finds a new routine, a new purpose, and a new friend through caring for the special new addition to her home. Throughout the book’s 140 pages, Pachter weaves scientific insights and her perspective as a healthcare professional with what’s taking place in her own life (such as streaming Ohef Sholom Temple services), during the second winter of COVID-19, when she spotted the caterpillar outside in the cold. Achieving a most unusual feat, A Monarch in Winter debuted on Amazon as #1 in nine categories. It is available for purchase on Amazon and at Ohef Sholom Temple’s gift shop. Abbey Pachter, PhD, lives in Virginia Beach.

Happy Hanukkah!

Abbey Pachter signs books at the launch of A Monarch in Winter.

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Mazel Tov

Israelis are going forward with their weddings despite war and loss in their own families Deborah Danan TEL AVIV (JTA) — Yonatan Perez was 10 days out from getting married when his world was torn apart. Perez was shot in a battle with Hamas terrorists on Octcber 7 when they invaded near the kibbutz where he was stationed as a soldier. His brother Daniel Perez went missing in action, his tankmates all dead or abducted. Their country was plunged into despair. And yet he stood with his bride Galya Landau under the chuppah as planned on the date set months prior, despite the pain felt by everyone who stood with them. “We couldn’t really think about [the wedding] for the first few days, and with Yonatan injured, we didn’t quite know what to do,” Doron Perez, Yonatan’s father, says. But five days after the attack, when Daniel was officially declared missing and it became clear that Yonatan would recover enough to return to his unit, the path forward became clear. Yonatan and Landau, whose family had been evacuated from their own kibbutz, wed at Yad Binyamin, where the Perez family lives, on Oct. 17. “It wasn’t a difficult decision, but it was difficult to go through the experience of the decision,” says Doron Perez, a rabbi and executive chairman of the Mizrachi World Movement. The wedding itself, he says, was “a happy event” despite the circumstances. “It just felt holy,” he says. “It felt like we’re living in a special time of big things happening … and even though the price has already been so difficult, the overriding feeling was one of happiness, one of just celebration.” The family’s experience was an extreme version of what many couples in Israel are going through, as they decide whether and how to follow through with their weddings despite the pain and upheaval instigated by Hamas’ attack on Israel. Some are downsizing their celebrations because family and friends from abroad are unable to come. Many also want to ensure that guests can get to bomb shelters if needed. Others are seeing the guest list grow as bringing joy to brides and grooms has joined the tasks for which Israelis are volunteering in droves. Some couples are rushing their nuptials in advance of grooms heading to the reserves. And a few have gotten married on the front lines, their parents and fellow soldiers the only guests at ceremonies in the shadow of war. Reuven Lebetkin, 25, and Shirel Tayeb, 23, were supposed to get married with many of their family members in attendance from overseas. Both moved to Israel with their families as children, Lebetkin from Miami, and Tayeb from France. Instead, they had an intimate wedding

at Israel’s northern border, where threats from Hezbollah in Lebanon loomed. “That’s the date that we decided beforehand. We don’t believe that it’s good luck to push it off,” Lebetkin says. “Also, if we do it means that we give into the terrorism.” The couple had chosen a song by Israeli musician Noam Banai to play during the veiling ceremony, called a bedeken. They were shocked to see Banai himself at the wedding, in a surprise organized by his friends. Banai ended up playing for the entire ceremony. Other prominent Israeli musicians have made appearances at wartime weddings. The religious pop star Ishay Ribo played at a backyard wedding where the groom was on a 24-hour leave, according to a report in the Times of Israel, and Ivri Lider sang his hit, I was Fortunate to Love at a wedding that was downsized from a 400person hall to an apartment balcony. (Lider also sang the song at the funeral of a soldier who had planned to have it played at his wedding on Oct. 20.) Hanan Ben Ari surprised another couple, Nadav and Noam, at their ceremony on a military base. Eden Hasson sang for a couple after encountering their wedding while visiting a military base to cheer up soldiers. And the singer Ariel Zilber posted a video of himself performing at a different wedding in the north, a red carpet laid down next to a military truck, the bride wearing military attire along with a veil and flowers. The weddings frequently go viral on social media, in an indication of how deeply the traumatized nation is craving signs of joy and hope. For the Perez family, just being able to hold the wedding at all was a triumph. It was Yonatan who had alerted his father that Daniel’s tank was missing from their base near Kibbutz Nahal Oz — a fact they found reassuring. “It was a good sign,” Doron Perez says, pointing to the tank’s indestructibility. But Yonatan, who was shot in the leg during a five-hour gun battle in the Gaza envelope, painted a dire picture of the base, which was overrun by terrorists. “There was death and destruction all around. RPGs everywhere. Every army vehicle had been destroyed,” Perez says, citing Yonatan.

One of the soldiers from Daniel’s tank, Tomer Liebowitz, was found dead. Another, Itay Chen, was confirmed captured. Chen’s father, Ruby, also celebrated a lifecycle event — a bar mitzvah — in the absence of his older son, telling JTA that his youngest son “deserved to have a happy bar mitzvah.” Then he flew to the United States to lobby at the United Nations and in Washington, D.C., on behalf of his son and the more than 220 other Israelis taken hostage. Daniel’s absence was palpable at Yonatan and Galya’s wedding. “When the rabbi mentioned him, it was very, very hard and I broke down,” Doron Perez says. “I had my son holding me up, instead of me holding him up.” His daughter, meanwhile, says the hardest part of the wedding was being pictured with all her siblings — minus one. “It was a moment that was hard, and we acknowledged that and validated it.” But, Perez continues, even though Daniel’s “presence, or lack thereof, permeated the whole wedding, it didn’t set the tone.” Jewish weddings have a built-in acknowledgment of catastrophe amid joy, in the breaking of the glass that takes place at the end of the ceremony. Jewish tradition also holds that weddings should go on as planned whenever possible, no matter the circumstances. Perez says he had gained a new appreciation for those ideas, in an acutely personal way. “Unfortunately, I’ve had to learn that it somehow is possible to live with such conflicting, contradictory feelings as deep pain, worry, dread, fear… and at the same time to marry off a son,” he says. “I have learned that it’s possible to do both. To sort of compartmentalize, and I think I did that at the wedding.” He says he knows his family isn’t the first to forge forward in moments of crisis. “I’ve also drawn a lot of strength that throughout the most challenging times, Jewish people got married and had families,” he says, citing the Holocaust as an example. “We are part of a people that sanctifies life. It’ll be a new dawn and a much better time for the Jewish people going forward.” jewishnewsva.org | November 27, 2023 | JEWISH NEWS | 23

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