ROMANCE
ELI SCHUMONT-SHIPLEY
When David entered the café, Gladys stood and extended a hand, which he shook. “Hello, David,” she said. “It’s good to see you again.” “It’s nice to see you too,” he replied. David sat down at the table and unbuttoned his jacket. She studied him as he did so. Then, she marked something down on the clipboard in her hand. David felt his face flush. He knew that his suit, which he wore only a few times a year, didn’t fit him very well. Her professional jumpsuit, on the other hand, looked perfectly natural. “How has your day been so far?” she asked. “It’s been good,” he replied. “How about yours?” “Mine has been pleasant too. I woke up early and got a few hours of work done—not for my job, I am studying for another degree on the side.” “That’s interesting. What degree?” “Finance. It is going to advance my career.” “Wow, that’s very forward thinking of you.” They fell silent. After a few seconds she made another note. “Well,” she said, “now that we have greeted each other, I think it’s time to get started. I hoped to have a little more casual conversation first, but this will do.” “Sorry,” he replied. “Don’t apologize,” she said, writing on her clipboard again. When she was done, she looked up and cornered his gaze with hers. “This test is modeled after one used to diagnose psychiatric disorders,” she said, “but I find it does just as well at determining relationship compatibility. It’s very simple. I will give you a word. All you need to do is answer with the first thing that comes to mind. Just to warn you, your answers should all be serious. This is not the time for jokes. Are you ready to start?” “Sure,” he replied. “Good. I’ll start off easy. Water?” He hesitated and she smiled, clearly trying to be encouraging, but the effect was arachnidesque. “Go on,” she said, “there aren’t any wrong answers. Just say what comes to mind. Water?” “Drink,” he replied. “Very good. Food?” “Eat.” “Green?”
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