Reconciliation Begins with Relationship

Reconciliation Begins with Relationship

By The Rev. Jonathan V. Adams

first met Pastor Phil Lewis of Mount Pisgah Baptist Church in Upperville early on in my time here. It was only my second week as the new rector at Trinity Episcopal Church and I knew from the very start he was going to become a good friend.

The Rev Jonathan Adams of Trinity Episcopal Church with Pastor Philip C. Lewis of Mt. Pisgah Baptist Church congregation.

If you’ve ever been in the presence of Pastor Lewis, you’ve also been in the presence of kindness, gentleness, meekness and genuine humility. Phil is the textbook definition of a “Gentle Giant” and he has quickly become a “Spiritual Giant” to me, as well. Over the past two years, our mutual respect has grown into a true friendship.

We were visiting the other day and I asked him what does “societal” racial reconciliation look like and how do we accomplish it?

He simply said, “It’s this,” referring to our friendship. There was never a magic moment or a direct conversation, just a simple moving toward one another in mutual respect.

Over the past 24 months, I’ve gone from simply liking Phil, to loving him as a neighbor and as a friend. We’ve shared laughs and tears, joys and sorrows, all while holding each other up in mutual support – both personally and professionally.

There is an intentionality to our friendship that has opened the door for honest conversation on a variety of subjects, and most recently we’ve been able to share thoughts on the subject of reconciliation.

Simultaneously, there remains a lot of push and static around reconciliation, and much of what is written or said these days seems to have a formulaic approach to resolving century old issues. They began long before Phil and I walked on this earth. And yet, these issues are as real, and as deep as they were a century ago, or more.

I asked Phil what our responsibility as ministers in the community looks like. His answer was just as profound as his earlier reply to me.

“Change the narrative,” he said. “Stop talking about what we should do, and start doing it.”

I pressed him on this answer, and he offered a key word—“relationship.”

There is so much truth in his simple, but profound reply. Everything begins with relationship: As Christians we believe we’re in a relationship with God, and God with us. A family, a group of friends, a neighborhood, or a community are founded on being in relationships with each other.

These are relationships that will lead to friendships and have the potential to become the love of another human being. What’s most interesting is that our honest conversations haven’t pushed us away from one another. Instead, they’ve actually led us even deeper into relationship, and into friendship.

Phil and I ended our most recent time together by praying for each other, and for our local communities. This is not new because we always end our time together by praying. Yet on this occasion, it seemed even more special. We felt closer to God and to each other as we pushed away another obstacle in the way of full friendship, and understanding.

We both felt safe to ask each other honest questions. We both felt comfortable in answering and confessing our own prejudices.

During our prayer time we found ourselves praying both for the younger generation, and for generations to come, with a hope that one day our kids and grandkids would see beyond color and difference, to the true beauty of humanity, reconciled in relationship, and surrounded by love.