3 minute read
Perspectives on Childhood, Education, and Parenting: Parents and Children Need to be Smart on Phones
Perspectives on Childhood, Education, and Parenting: Parents and Children Need to be Smart on Phones
By Tom Northrup and Mike Wipfler
“Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It’s the only thing.” – Albert Schweitzer
Tom: Let’s begin our fourth “Zest” conversation on Jonathan’s Haidt’s “The Anxious Generation.”
In our first, I said that “parents, educators, and middle and high school students would be well served to not only read it, but to have ongoing cross-generational conversations about its content and recommendations.”
It’s gratifying to see that others agree, and that many schools and families have made significant modifications to the limits they’re setting for children on smartphone availability and use at schools and at home.
We believe it’s easier for schools to implement these stricter policies than it is for parents. I’d like your thoughts on the challenges parents face, and how you and your wife, Cristin, are dealing with this issue with your children.
Mike: Like most families, we’re struggling to manage our children’s screen time. While they don’t use social media, they do have wireless mobile devices (which some researchers call WMD’s or weapons of mass distraction). Those devices are the first thing they want when they wake up or return from school.
Our empathetic sides are receptive to these requests. We both know our children come home from school in need of a snack and some zone-out time to recharge their batteries. What we don’t want is for their devices to become their default activity, an automatic go-to whenever they have a free moment. We need to do a better job setting limits, both for our children and for ourselves.
Tom: I agree it’s important for parents to model responsible phone use. What are some changes you’ve made to earn more credibility with your children?
Mike: First, I read Catherine Price’s “How To Break Up With Your Phone.” She does a nice job explaining why it’s so easy to get addicted to your phone, how excessive phone use is bad for your brain and body, and what you can do to build healthier relationships with your devices.
I started implementing some of her suggestions. Since we really value family time and face-to-face interactions, no phones are allowed at the dinner table. When we’re spending family time together, I try to keep my phone in another room, not my pocket. I’m not distracted by notifications, and I’m unable to check email or look at social media whenever there’s a lull in activity.
I’m present, which is how I want to be as a parent, and how I want my children to be when in the presence of others. I’ve also added “speed bumps” to create a pause between my impulses and my actions. My favorite is a message on my lock screen that says, “WWW” as in “What For, Why Now, and What Else.” This delaying mechanism has dramatically reduced the number of times I open my phone.
Tom: It’s good to hear the WWW technique is working so well for you. The delay, or “speed bump,” seems grounded in the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). It also activates and strengthens your frontal lobes. I like the technique’s simplicity–it would probably be a good idea for most of us to give it a try.
I admire you and Cristin’s “do as we do” approach rather than “do as we say.” My own life experience has demonstrated this approach works well and has lasting results.
