UniLife Magazine 21.02 by Verse Magazine

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VOL. 21 NO. 2, APR - JULY 2013

F A N T A S Y

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Fantasy and science-fiction made up the better part of my reading and viewing as a kid. Dad named me after a B-grade sci-fi actress, so it’s not really something I’ve ever been able or wanted to avoid. The geek renaissance is underway, with nerds rising up to claim popularity, guided by everyone’s favourite uncle-figure, John Green. Harry Potter, Lord Of The Rings, The Hunger Games – these aren’t small-town dots on the popculture map, these are supercities, spanning populous suburbs of books, films, games cosplay, fanfiction, parody and imitation, not to mention merchandising, theme parks, tourism and celebrity stardom. There’s fantasy in the way we dress, the way we idolise people, the stories we like, the politics we follow and the decisions we make. We tried to represent as much as possible across this Fantasy issue. We also have a correspondence section, a super story about the World’s Greatest Shave, a new Your Story winner (congratulations Eric Ndeh Mboumien Ngang) and some info about surveillance to get you super paranoid. Online, exciting things have been taking place. You should follow us on Facebook and Twitter to keep in the loop with the best and newest information – we also have film ticket giveaways and other sneaky treats that are only available to those in the know. Our columnists (with whom you can play Where’s Wally in this mag) are updating at unilifemagazine.com.au all the time, and we feature one of our favourites every Wednesday over at Facey-B. Keep it real, kids, and stay in touch! xoxo Ilona Issue #3: FEAR Deadline Mon Jul 1, 5pm. Submissions to walir001@mymail.unisa.edu.au Head Editor: Ilona Wallace Web Editor: Matteo Gagliardi Graphic Designer: Josh Evans Sub-editors: Laura Clark, Ashleigh Knott, Nicolle Vale Contributors: David Adams, Lucy Ahern, Anonymous, Amber Archdale, Zachary Benn, Max Burford, Laura Clark, Jessica Daminato, Daniel, Beth Excell, Matteo Gagliardi, Bridget Fahey Hodder, Alana James, Silvia Josipovic, Natarsha Kallios, Georgia Kay, Ryan Mallett-Outtrim, Yolandi MoonSparkle, Sebastian David Moore, Shamika Moore, Claire Suzanna Moreton, Sage Othams, Jon Santos, Christopher Testa, The Laughing Bard, Nicolle Vale, Ilona Wallace, Bernard “MoistTowelette” Worthington. Cover: Amy Fairweather, Ceiling Forks, 2012, Mixed Media Artists & illustrators: Amy Fairweather, Lucy Hopton, Lorell Lehman, Angus Smith, Melanie Smith, Julia Mary Sniatynskyj, Caroline Vaughan, Storm Warman, Matthew Yankoff The views expressed in this magazine are not necessarily representative of the views of UniLife or the editors.

CONTENTS UniSA Visual Art and Design Showcase

FANTASY Orientalist Fantasies in Colombia

Fan-Tasy 11 So Keen for Tolkien

Where Religion and Fantasy Meet

Game On: Join The Alliance

Nine Fantasy Football Coaches You Might Find

Sophie Guidolin Turned Her Dream Into Her Dream Job

A Fantasy Made Real

Post-Adolescent Pains

Sexy Sexy Superannuation

Legit* Astrological Readings

Dream Interpretation Guide

Mushroom Philosophy

Reviews

GENERAL The World’s Greatest Shave: A Many-Layered Haircut

Hardcore Parkour

The Only Definite

Smile, You’re On Camera

Forlorn Correspondent

UNISA AROUND THE WORLD Your Story: From a Village Boy to an International Scholar

Your Story: Art Life

Photo Competition Winner

Amsterdam: Filthy and Beautiful

Generation V

Three Weeks of Cultural Wonder

Glamour in New York City

UniLife Elections

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FANTASY

UNILIFE

ORIENTALIST FANTASIES IN COLOMBIA Writer_ Ryan Mallett-Outtrim

Artist_ Josh Evans

The staff at the local bohemian waterhole know everyone. The moment you walk in the door they start a tab in your name. Nobody pays until the end of the night, when staff start reeling off purchases. One day, a friend of mine caught sight of the tab list, usually tucked behind the bar. Sure enough, the names of all the regulars were down with their drinks marked off — except him. Instead, he was simply down as “el Gringo”. Turns out everyone at the bar referred to him as the Gringo, despite being British. It was amusing but not at all odd in South America. As an Australian, anyone who doesn’t know me by name tends to refer to me as “Gringo”. The term is rarely intended as an offence — it’s just the go-to pronoun for anyone who looks Western. Sometimes it’s a little irritating, but for the most part I’m used to it. It’s just a harmless joke; at least, most of the time. Once when I was next door in Colombia, however, I felt a hint of concern when I saw the words “Gringos fuera” (Gringos out) scrawled on a wall. I was in a region where a number of foreigners had recently been kidnapped by the Ejército de Liberación Nacional (ELN), Colombia’s second largest insurgent group. Although Colombians are some of the friendliest people in the world, in that moment I felt hated. Could a Colombian who’s never met me really hate me? I had certainly never met anyone in the country who expressed hatred to my face. Yet Gringos have exacerbated many of Colombia’s chronic social issues and it shouldn’t come as a surprise that there is some animosity. Since the 1990s, the Gringo nation has been militarily active in the country, under the pretext of the war on drugs and counterinsurgency. In the last decade, the US granted over $5.5 billion in military aid to the Colombian government and millions more was spent on US military operations. However, according to Peace Brigades International (PBI) volunteer Carly Dawson, these military operations are hurting the country’s poor just as much as the insurgents. In 2010, Dawson told Australian newspaper Green Left Weekly, “A big issue is the fumigation the US imposes on Colombia. Planes go over and fumigate the coca plantations. “A lot of people suffer, because the planes don’t only fumigate the coca plantations, but they also fumigate a lot of food plantations,

such as rice and bananas — the food people eat and sell. “They also poison the land, the water, animals and people. People have second and third degree burns on their entire bodies because they’ve been fumigated over. “The country’s in a pretty bad state as it is and [US-mandated fumigation is] making things worse.” While promising to improve human rights, the US-backed regime has done little to curb violence from paramilitaries, with which the previous Uribe administration was intimately linked. According to Amnesty International’s 2012 report, “Paramilitaries, sometimes with the collusion or acquiescence of the security forces, continued to commit serious human rights violations, including killings and enforced disappearances, as well as social cleansing operations in poor urban neighbourhoods.” In recent years, many of those responsible for paramilitary violence have been extradited to the US where they have been tried for drug crimes. Yet neither their human rights abuses nor systemic governmental complicity is ever seriously investigated. In 2011, under intense pressure from the Gringos, the government also rammed through the US-Colombia Free Trade Agreement (FTA). According to a 2012 Oxfam report, this will reduce the income of 1.8 million Colombian farmers by 16% over the coming years. The effects will reportedly be even worse for Colombia’s poorest farmers, some of which could lose up to 70% of their income. Oxfam further concluded that this is likely to push more Colombians into growing coca. It’s hard to imagine how this could possibly be helpful in countering the spread of narcotics, let alone the insurgents who profit from narco-trafficing. While the US has propped up consecutive administrations and continues to pump cash into the military, its extensive involvement in the nation’s domestic affairs has been of little help to ordinary Colombians. Rather than be surprised by those rare instances of frustration with el Gringos, perhaps I should have been more surprised by the daily hospitality shown to me during my time in Colombia. Those who have been roasted alive by American chemicals, hunted by the US-backed crony regime or driven into poverty by the FTA have pretty good reasons to hate the Gringo. I don’t know what’s best for Colombia. I don’t know how to end the civil war, quell the country’s cocaine addiction, alleviate poverty or overcome its gaping social fractures. I also don’t think the Obama Administration and the US Army know how to solve these problems. And it’s blatantly clear that the current Santos Administration doesn’t know either. It’s pure fantasy to believe even the NGO’s, many of which do great work, really know what to do in the long run. In fact, to think that anyone except ordinary Colombians know how to run their country is a fantasy.

FAN-TASY Writer_ Lucy Ahern

Artist- Josh Evans

After attempting to think of an ingenious article relating to this issue’s topic and coming up dry, I broke ‘fantasy’ down… syllabically. I ended up at ‘fans’ – those who respect, love, worship or harass their favourite artists or celebs, depending on their level of devotion. I have a friend who once touched Pete Wentz’s crotch. I was really, really jealous at the time. But this is just about as close as I’ve got to ‘fangirling’; lustful thoughts about Ryan Gosling aside. (In case you’re wondering, in said fantasy he reads out every one of the posts from the Hey Girl tumblr while shirtless on my bed. In some versions there’s cheesecake.) But some people take it to another level. And I’m not talking throwing-your-undies-on-stage fandom – more like full-on hysteria, sleeping outside hotels, and maybe some stalking for good measure.

There’s a stigma attached to being a fan because of those who send bizarre items to celebs or don’t seem to understand the rules of personal space – but ordinary people, who respect boundaries and truly admire artists, class themselves as fans too. Dominique, an Adelaide artist, became “fascinated and infatuated” with quiffed Irish popstars (and identical twins) Jedward after noticing them in Eurovision, and met the twins while living in London last year. “I’ve never really been a ‘fangirl’ or anything before,” she remarks. “The first time I waited outside their hotel for them I was really anxious and self-conscious... I felt like some sort of insane stalker, but everyone assured me it would be fine and they expect fans to be waiting for them – and it was fine.”

Jared Leto recently revealed that he was once sent a severed ear by an admirer (one can only assume they were also fond of Van Gogh). That said, Ke$ha has previously requested that admirers post their teeth to her (and she made them into a bra, jewellery, and a headpiece), so people might be forgiven for getting mixed messages about the sending of body bits.

Dominique says she sometimes plays up to the screaming fangirl stereotype.

Making the list of other creepy fan paraphernalia: Muse frontman Mathew Bellamy was gifted The Book of Mormon after rumours of collaboration with Brandon Flowers of The Killers surfaced; One Direction all got sent Portobello mushrooms with their faces painted on them; and people have taken to sending Robert Pattinson bucketloads of toothpicks after he revealed he had started chewing them to stave off his smoking addiction.

“I’m old enough and self-aware enough to know when an obsession is unhealthy or damaging to me or others.”

“I’m fully conscious of it and it’s just a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun,” she says. “But I don’t really care what people think of me because I know who I am and where I stand.

Dominique met Charlotte while working in the UK and the two have bonded over their mutual admiration of Jedward. Charlotte says others, including her family, have accused her of being a little too obsessed.

“I’ve done a lot of crazy things to see them,” she says. “Around a year and a half ago, myself and a group of friends slept outside their hotel so that we could see them early the next morning and that night…that’s the thing I’m most embarrassed about doing and I wouldn’t do that ever again. “I’ve travelled to Sweden to see them, and Ireland many times,” she continues. “I couldn’t add up the hours I’ve waited for them; it’s often been in the freezing cold or the rain but it’s worth it.” Like Charlotte, many have called Sam, a passionate Lana Del Rey fan, “way too obsessive”. “I couldn’t imagine why…,” Sam says. “I saw her five times in three different cities, and every time I waited at least eight hours before a show – the earliest was 8am for her last one – and usually I’d find the artist entrance, figure out when she would arrive and meet her then – and that’s just all in Australia.” The national tour isn’t quite enough, and Sam adds, “I happen to be in London in mid-June, so I will be flying to Helsinki to see her (and hopefully meet her again) on June 16th.” Many fans show their commitment to their favourite artist or celebrity by buying loads of merch or downloading illegal bootlegs, but Sam has applied her fandom to her body.

it because I wanted to.” Sam’s commitment has been publically acknowledged by the singer, who has mentioned Sam’s passion twice on radio. Jedward are also renowned for being extremely accommodating to their fans, always stopping to chat and remembering names – Charlotte says they once shouted a bunch of fans to a screening of Twilight with all the trimmings. Dominique has crafted a number of outfits for the twins and they have literally shown their gratitude by donning them for events and YouTube videos, even performing on stage in her creations. “After I met them I decided I really wanted to make something for them to show my appreciation,” she says. “So I customized some leather jackets with gold paint, studs and the lyrics of their song and they ended up wearing them to the BAFTAs!” This clearly demonstrates their appreciation – whereas other celebrities might chuck it on the pile of admirers’ gifts (or in the bin, hey, Tay Swift) – and Dominique says they really take the time to connect with their fans. Dominique says her biggest fear as a fangirl is to be “thought of as actually crazy or a stalker” by those she admires, but she knows what borders never to cross.

“I have [Del Rey’s] handwriting tattooed on my shoulder and am halfway through my Lana-themed leg piece.”

“I would never ever sneak into anywhere, or go into their hotel or find their house or anything, even if other fans did – you have to respect boundaries,” she says.

Sam is quick to clarify, “I didn’t do it to show off how much of a fan I am; I just did

“They let us into their lives so much and give us so much of their time and attention

I think it would be so wrong to ever abuse that.” She continues, “I’ve heard of fans getting upset and angry over waiting for hours and hours somewhere and never seeing their idol. You have to remember that it’s your own decision to wait; no one is forcing you and they don’t owe you anything for it.” So, even though a girl you know might seem a little too obsessed with One Direction, don’t automatically assume she’s a stalker or a crazy person – fandom is most often a simple expression of passion for an artist and their work. But, um, call the fuzz if she starts sending body parts.

SO KEEN FOR TOLKIEN Writer_ Laura Clark

Artist_ Lorell Lehman

At the risk of sounding obsessive, I firmly believe that the nature of the fantasy genre was changed irrevocably (and for the better) when JRR Tolkien sat down to write a sequel to his popular children’s story The Hobbit. Now, with the newest film adaptation, I’m struck anew by how much my concepts of fantasy come from this one man.

fundamental structure of The Lord of the Rings, whether consciously or not. An unlikely hero comes across an enchanted object and goes on a quest to deal with it, adopting a group of companions of various races. To paraphrase Michael Drout*, most fantasy writers seem to need to write their bad Tolkien knock-off before they can go on to write their own work.

I don’t know about you, but when I think of fantasy all I see is Tolkien. When I think of elves, I see his tall, other-worldy inhabitnts of Lothlorien. When I think of dwarves, I think of the hardy Gimli fighting in Helm’s Deep. And when I think of epic battles against seemingly unbeatable foes, I’m riding into The Battle of Pelennor Fields.

Tolkien also lifted the demands of the fantasy genre, whether writing for children or adults. It is now expected that any fantasy novel will come with maps of the imaginary world, and the author must create at least one new language. Now, as most fantasy authors are not philologists like Tolkien, these languages are generally limited, but that expectation is part of the post-Tolkien fandom.

Before I get ahead of myself, I know that Tolkien did not create the genre of fantasy. In fact, many of his ideas were borrowed from history. But what he did was recreate the genre of high fantasy and give it credence with a modern audience. His approach as an author was to create his own mythology by exploring and adapting elements from a number of historical mythologies and writings (particularly Old English and Norse). However, what happened as a consequence of his popularity and the rich texts he wrote was that modern concepts of fantasy became inextricably linked with the content of his work. For example, Tolkien’s elves (a mixture of Swedish elves and English fairies) are now the primary depiction of elves in works of fantasy (Eragon, anyone?). The Orcs of the Dungeons & Dragons franchise are shamelessly taken from Tolkien in all senses other than copyright recognition. The structure and approach to the tale of the epic quest found in many fantasy novels today also tends to mimic the

With all of this said, I’m not criticising modern fantasy for being derivative. I love modern fantasy, I love Tolkien, and I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. I also understand why this phenomenon has taken place; we are living with a generation of writers that grew up reading Tolkien’s fantasy. And when you read something as a child and you truly love it, what could come more naturally than mimicking it in your years as an adult author? After all, we write the kinds of books we want to read. *in the Tolkien course recorded by Corey Olsen – see here: http://tolkienprofessor. com/wp/lectures/courses/theundergraduate-tolkien-survey/

WHERE RELIGION AND FANTASY MEET Writer_Matteo Gagliardi

Artist_ Josh Evans

As I’m reading Lord Of The Rings, I’m filled with a kind of fanatical ecstasy that I would only ever associate with people who take their religion really, really seriously. As sad as it sounds, I try to sing along with the characters’ limericks in my head and become so invested in the storyline that I, myself, could very well be in some spiritual hinterland called Middle Earth. When The Hobbit came out in cinemas, going to see it was one of the closest things I’ve had to a “religious experience”. It’s often made me wonder, is there any real difference between fantasy novels and religious stories? Are fantasies just the adaptation of religious stories to modern society? Or perhaps religious narratives were fantasy stories of old? When you look into it though, religious and mythological narratives and the genre of fantasy share some striking similarities. And before you start blasting me for trying to state the obvious, I’m not just referring to their shared usage of supernatural and other metaphysical themes – we’re talking literary devices here. As you will see in the following examples, religion and fantasy are bound together through the very writing techniques used by their authors. THE JOURNEY MOTIF Everyone loves an adventure story. There’s something about the notion of leaving your humble abode to embark on a journey to some distant, mysterious land as part of some quest or escapade that speaks to our appetite for fantasy – our desire to escape our own mundane comfort zone to get whisked away in some fantasy land. The same applies with religious stories; people are easily entertained by the idea of transcending their everyday lives by going on a spiritual journey. So the journey motif isn’t confined to stories like Lord Of The Rings, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Peter Pan, Harry Potter and the like, but is also a common feature in religious stories. Take Genesis, the whole book of Exodus (an exodus is essentially the journey of departing a nation after all), or many other books in the Old Testament and Torah involving banishments, searches, quests, personal journeys and so on. Or consider the stories of Jesus and Buddha, who both left their homes to undertake personal journeys, or Muhammad’s out-of-body astral adventure to Jerusalem. THE PERVASIVENESS OF SYMBOLISM Fantasy and religious stories are jam-packed with plenty of fat, juicy symbols. Some are pretty straightforward, such as how Tolkien’s ring represents the corruptibility and addictiveness of power or how the Golden Calf in the story of Moses signifies idol worship. But some are a bit more complex and drawn-out; for instance, the whole story of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe is just an allegory of Jesus’ resurrection (sorry to ruin your childhood…), while the Hindhu text, Baghavad Gita, uses a physical war-zone to allegorise the internal struggle against vices and how courage and fortitude are needed to overcome it. Symbolism is the backbone of all religious and fantasy stories. Symbols are the portkeys (see

what I did there?) between reality and the mystical realm portrayed in the narrative. They expose links between them to make the latter more relatable (or is it to make our world more relatable…?). CHARACTERISATION OF ARCHETYPES In most fantasy and religious stories, the characters seem to fall under obvious black-and-white categories. There’s almost always a hero as the focal-point of the plot (Jesus, Harry Potter, Muhammad, King Arthur, etc.), an all-knowing guide (God, Krishna, Dumbledore, Gandalf, etc.), his friends and companions, and a villain (Satan, Voldemort, Sauron, etc.). This is because both genres speak about the conflict between good and evil, which readers face in our own lives (with our own guides, companions and, unfortunately, enemies). Moreover, characters in both types of stories represent archetypes; universally-known personality types. These include: the warrior, the damsel-in-distress or lover, the child, the trickster, the underdog, the mentor, the wise old man or woman, the threshold guardian (the equivalent of level bosses in games) and the martyr, among others. Next time you read a fantasy or religious story, be sure to look out for them. They’re there to further draw you into the story by positioning familiar characters around the focal-point. A SELF-COHERENT SETTING Fantasy stories are primarily characterised by settings that are internally consistent. This means fantasy authors create their own imaginary worlds and establish their own sets of rules to govern them, which they consistently follow throughout the narrative to maintain coherency and credibility. This justifies the allusions to magic and supernatural themes, which become logically consistent within these fantasy worlds. Once Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy discover that their cupboard is a portal into Narnia, they unveil a world where animals are cognisant and loquacious, and where magic and witchcraft are possible (a realm which has its very own cosmology and laws of physics); it would be harder to imagine these things without the idea that the cupboard was a gateway into another world. The same effectively applies to religious stories. Once you accept the central premise of the Bible (that it is the “Word of God”) all of its stories become logically consistent within their context – they become self-coherent. In other words, the stories become legitimised by getting a seal of approval, so to speak, from God Himself. If you place Jesus’ miracles or Moses’ parting of the Red Sea or the story of Noah’s ark (pretty much any Bible story you can think of) outside of this context, they lose their coherency.

GAME ON: JOIN THE ALLIANCE Writer_ David Adams

Image Provided by_ David Adams

Drop pods rain from the sky, colliding with the scorched earth. Grotesque creatures claw their way out of the oozing sacs, gnashing their wicked teeth. The Tyranids have landed on another planet and are driven by only one goal: the destruction of all other life in the galaxy. Nearby, a middle-aged lady picks up a dark grey sweater from a clothes rack. As hideous as they are numerous, the Tyranid swarm bursts forth across the barren plains of this godforsaken world, searching for their prey. Termagants swell in massive numbers whilst the Hive Tyrant lets out a bone-shaking battle cry. Suddenly, the hivemind senses something – life, or what is soon to be death. She reaches down through the collar to find the price tag and as she draws it to her spectacled face, her joy is apparent – half price! And it’s such lovely fabric. Inside a ruined warehouse, a band of men have found themselves amongst the swarm. Swearing allegiance to their GodEmperor, these Space Marines know no fear. Not even in the face of the scourge of the galaxy do these brave warriors lose their resolve and will to fight. As they clutch their bolt-guns and flamers they prepare to attack. Obviously pleased with herself, the lady clutches her Myer bag and walks out of the store. Hearing a commotion over her shoulder, she pauses. There is a crowd forming around a table inside the Games Workshop store. Looking inside, she sees dice thrown onto a table and miniature models moved across the immaculately detailed landscape. The Space Marines open fire on the Tyranids, eager to rid the galaxy of their noxious presence. The battle

has begun. Bemused and a touch curious, the lady continues on her way. Such is the nature of a Thursday night at Westfield Tea Tree Plaza: Amidst the turmoil of late-night shopping, the fate of the galaxy is determined. Warhammer 40,000 (40K) is a tabletop war game, created by the company Games Workshop in 1987. Players amass miniature armies of varying types and march them across detailed landscapes with the goal of securing checkpoints or simply destroying the opposition. The game plays like chess, except the pieces have plasma blasters and chainswords. All of these facts are eagerly explained to me by Cameron, staff member of the TTP store. Perched on a stool behind the model-adorned counter, he is animated as he speaks. He has an obvious passion for the game, and the story of his employment mirrors that of the middle-aged lady casually peering through the window. “I was one of those ‘cool kids’, but I came in with some of my friends, just to check it out. They left after a while, but I ended up staying,” Cameron tells me. It almost seems that amongst the books and rows of tiny paint jars, he could have stayed in here forever. Like the variety of species available to play, ranging from the undead Necrons to the rampaging Orks, there are many different ways enthusiasts can play the game. Talking with sweeping hand movements, Cameron details the four major aspects that players can focus on: collecting the miniatures, painting them, using them in the game format and taking the original model parts and creating new combinations of tiny super-soldiers. Naturally, players can do all of the above, and I am shown some resplendent red and gold Space Marines that Cameron himself has painted. They’re incredibly small and just as detailed, requiring obvious forethought and a considerably deft use of a paintbrush.

“A common misconception behind gaming is that it is a mindless form of entertainment where people just use gratuitous violence to accomplish goals, but it is far from the truth. While many games incorporate a certain level of violence, many games require the players to use abstract problem solving skills and team work and collaboration to overcome all sorts of challenges”, another gamer, John, tells me. As a member of UniSA’s own gaming group UniSA Gaming Alliance (I prefer the suitably epic-sounding acronym UniSAGA), John has much knowledge to impart on the subject. He continues, stating that “Most importantly, gaming is a way for like minded people to get together, socialize and have some fun along the way.” John’s compatriot, Adrian, says that “The main misconception would be not realising how diverse the hobby actually is.” He’s totally right – UniSAGA members find themselves playing numerous tabletop, card and video games ranging from “Magic: The Gathering” to “Dungeons and Dragons”. Yet one thing these gamers seem to agree on is the appeal of the fantastic settings each game can provide. John continues, “I enjoy gaming as it is a form of escapism. It lets me do thing or be someone that would otherwise be impossible. Dungeons and Dragons is my favorite, ‘cause the fantasy- magic, dragons, monsters, epic adventures - just appeals to me.” Meanwhile at Games Workshop, the science fiction elements of Warhammer 40K have drawn Cameron and other likeminded individuals in.

marker lights’, yet to a newcomer, the conversation seems to flow exactly like two mates discussing a football game or chatting about new car parts. Granted, the hobby can be expensive and I’m told it takes a while to understand the rules. Cameron concedes these facts, but the steady influx of customers seems to belie the considerable monetary expense and the amount of time dedicated to the game. I ask him if he would like if tabletop gaming would make a resurgence in popular culture in much the same way that comic books and fantasy novels have; the answer was a resounding yes. There are even tie-ins with current fantasy fares – Games Workshop also offers The Hobbit as a tabletop game. Our middle-aged hero may have gone home, given that brand-new sweater to her doting husband and retired to their lounge room to watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones; but surely the television hit and the fantasy world of tabletop gaming aren’t that far removed. Perhaps one time she’ll venture into the store and end up staying. I asked Cameron if he had any last words. His response seemed to sum it all up: Don’t judge it ‘til you try it. Games Workshop is located on the ground of Westfield Tea Tree Plaza. They have game nights in-store every Tuesday and Thursday. UniSAGA have weekly gettogethers at Mawson Lakes Campus from 5-9pm every Friday. Contact them through their Facebook page for more details.

As I’m in the store, a customer walks in and talks to Cameron. The only words I manage to catch involve ‘Tau overwatching

NINE FANTASY FOOTBALL COACHES YOU MIGHT FIND

Writer_ Max Burford

Image Provided by_ Josh Evans

The footy is back and with it we see the annual emergence of hundreds of thousands of fans, trying their hand at taking a fantasy AFL team to supreme glory. Whether you are in it to demoralise your mates or to take on the rest of the nation, you are bound to run into a bunch of coaches with their own recognisable style. Here are nine types of fantasy footy coaches you will probably come across this season. See if you can put a familiar face to any of them. THE CHAMP This coach comes into a new season with a swagger usually reserved for rock-stars and ball players. After winning the title last year, The Champ can afford to have an air of arrogance about him and this can be seen in his forum taunts, his straight-up asshole trade offers (“How about I give you Kepler Bradley for Dane Swan and Gary Ablett?”) and his constant undermining of your team’s best players. His team is always going to be pretty good (you don’t win without knowing what you’re doing) but don’t let him get in your head; crushing him like an ant will be a moment to savour. THE ROOKIE A personal favourite for the more serious coaches, The Rookie is that friend you have who hasn’t even played fantasy football before and essentially ends up just donating his money to the prize pool with no hope of reclaiming it. He knows his football, but doesn’t understand the differences between a good fantasy footballer and a good real-life footballer. Luke McPharlin might be one of the best defenders in the league, but you know there is no use in picking a bloke who is only going to get 10 touches a game. Luckily for your wallet, The Rookie doesn’t. THE SUPPORTER This coach is a diehard fan of one particular AFL team and as a result his selection judgement is severely clouded. His presence is a godsend for other coaches as his inability to acknowledge that his real-life team may actually not be a Supercoach goldmine leaves him picking underperforming chumps, who he is convinced will have a breakout year. THE EXCUSE-MAKER Every league has that guy that goes through the year honestly believing he is a contender, but actually fails to deliver any results. This then leads to him quickly inform everyone who is in a ten-kilometre radius that he only lost because his back-up substitute’s understudy who he had on his bench was unfairly treated by the umpires all day. Everyone loves to beat this guy and fortunately they usually do. THE STRANGER This coach is that mysterious unknown guy who is in the league to fill that last open place. Usually a co-worker, distant friend-of-a-friend or just a random bloke who has been auto-assigned to your league, this bloke could be a convicted murderer for all you know. This outsider usually winds up with a pretty good team, but owing to the fact that he doesn’t have a clue who you are he usually gives up caring after about Round 5 and only comes back every few weeks to make some slight changes before slinking back into the shadows.

THE GUY THAT HASN’T PAID YET What better way to keep everyone interested than putting a little bit of prize money up for grabs? Everyone chips in some cash at the start of the season and the winner goes home a richer man. All good, right? Unfortunately not, because you are friends with a tight-arse. Your interactions with this guy consist of him telling you that he is getting paid “in just a few more days” and that his “internet banking is down for maintenance”. Write him off as a bad debt and remember to leave his name off the list for next year’s competition, because this penny-pincher is more trouble than he is worth. THE UNLUCKY GUY Not to be confused with The Excuse-Maker, The Unlucky Guy is that coach who drafted a really good team to start the season with and had a few rounds of excellence before being decimated by a raft of injuries, suspensions, and late changes. Left with his star players sitting on the sideline for multiple weeks, this coach is forced to play a bunch of spare-parts players and blow a lot of trades trying to get his season back on track. You feel for him, you really do, but you are still going to willingly take his cash at the end of each year. THE GUY WHO JUST DOESN’T CARE Sure he agreed to be in the league, took part in the draft, and selected a competent team, but if you are looking for anything more than that from this coach, you have come to the wrong place. Whether he is too lazy to check, forgot his password or just doesn’t give a rat’s, The Guy Who Just Doesn’t Care will simply not look at his team or make any changes for pretty much the whole year. You should beat him because he will leave his injured players on the field, but the fact that he has four gun footballers sitting helplessly on the bench while their coach hasn’t bothered to log on for 10 weeks is a perennial frustration for other teams. THE VISIONARY We all know the basic mainstays of fantasy AFL: who to pick and who to avoid. But The Visionary is that coach in your league who uses his late round picks to take a player that you have most likely never heard of because he apparently had a really good quarter in an under-18s trial game in country Victoria three years ago. The Visionary gambles on a bunch of these players to fill his team and it results in him either vying for the crown with a team of surprise superstars or taking home a wooden spoon after a torrent of miserable scores.

SOPHIE GOUDOLIN TURNED A DREAM JOB INTO HER DREAM JOB Writer_ Beth Excell

Image Provided by_ Sophie Goudolin

We’ve all wondered at some point what our dream job might be; we’ve planned since we were small what we’d most like to become when we grow up. For those of us studying, our perfect job can seem a remote fantasy at the end of a long tertiary tunnel. But for fashionturned-fitness model Sophie Guidolin, her ideal job has become a reality. She is proof that – notwithstanding a whole lot of hard work – you can make your fantasy career transpire. Guidolin is a full time professional fitness model, mother of two, and business and clothing-line owner who built her brand from the ground up in just three years. Sounds impossible, right? At 24-yearsold, she’s making a splash in the fitness community and a name for herself, both here in Australia and worldwide. What started it all? A simple choice to make a change within herself after the birth of her two sons. “I put on 28 kilos after having my kids, so I wanted to lose the weight that I’d obviously gained and I wanted to build muscle as well, therefore adding to my shape,” she explains. Now, with a social media following well into the thousands, her own personal website, and a string of competition titles to her name, she’s maintaining a healthy lifestyle and inspiring people all over the globe to better themselves. In the café where I interviewed her, Guidolin’s positive energy was contagious. She makes it look easy. So it’s obvious why, at the end of our tether, four weeks into our own healthy lifestyle change and ready to crawl over glass just for a bite of chocolate,

some might think that what she’s achieved is unattainable to the ‘average’ mother (or uni student). But Guidolin says it’s perfectly achievable to anyone who wants to make the change bad enough. “One hundred per cent!” she exclaims. “I started off working 70 hours a week when I first started training. I only stopped working full time in December last year, so just three months ago.” And she’s the first to admit she is no super mum; she puts it all down to planning her time wisely. “Organisation and time management is probably the key,” she says. “I prep all my meals the night before; I make my boys’ lunches the night before; I try and lay out washing the night before – everything that we’re going to wear – because otherwise the mornings are just hectic.” A normal day involves a 5am wakeup for morning cardio, followed by an artful juggling act of two small children, paperwork, a business, house chores, meal preparation, appearances, and of course the perennial gym session. Unfortunately, like all good things, none of her journey has come easy. Quite apart from the gruelling training she puts her body through, Sophie has had to compete with a constant barrage of social media ‘trolls’ providing endless commentary on her physical appearance. “I think that people see an image and they take that person out of the image before they comment,” she says. “You wouldn’t go up to somebody in the street and be like ‘oh, yuck – you look like a man’ but yet there seems to be some form of acceptance [of that behaviour] on the internet.”

Guidolin says she is well aware that her muscle tone is not everyone’s cup of tea and she is perfectly OK with that. “Progress within your own body and being the best that you can be is most important. You should be striving for perfection within your own body; not somebody else’s idea of what perfection is.” Her success is a bit of inspiration for those of us standing, blinking at the big wide world that looms ahead once we leave the comfort of uni. So, what do you want to be when you grow up?

A FANTASY MADE REAL Writer_ Zachary Benn

My first piece of writing ever published went to ‘print’ in Year Two in a faraway land that common folk might know as “Alice Springs”. The school I attended was big for someone who reached no higher than your elbow, but it would probably be considered “small” now that the world is a lot larger. Regardless of its size, at its heart it contained the most fantastic library. Having just moved into the new school, I spent more of my time socialising with books than I did people; books talked a lot less and did not tease me for being unable to tie my shoelaces. Often I would lose lunchtimes while exploring the tangled dusty shelves, searching for funny covers to grab me and take me away on a private adventure. I would lose myself in the imagination of others, allowing the capable hands of authors to guide me. They would take me away and show me things I could not possibly see without their help. I feel like I did most of the travelling that I’ve ever done over the course of my relatively short life there, my legs dangling off a seat that was too high for me and my face falling into crinkled pages. I decided then and there that I wanted to be an author. It seemed like a fantasy to me, like becoming a movie star, a billionaire or some sort of delicious biscuit. It was something glorious to which any person would want to aspire. Authors seemed otherworldly, separate from society, but I was determined to join them. What that library showed me was that even I, a podgy seven-year-old with an unhealthy collection of baseball caps, could become an amazing teller of stories. One night I sat down, wrote and illustrated a piece that can only be described as “visionary”. It was based loosely on the visceral experience that is Pokémon 2000 (an underrated classic) and was going to redefine fanfiction for Larapinta Primary and people everywhere. I bound it myself with staples and sticky tape. The very next day I went to school early and took it straight to the library. I demanded it be put on the shelves. The librarians, impressed and overwhelmed by the complex and intricate nature of the story, could only accept. They even stickered it with the author’s name, my name, and put it in the shelves, in the right spot among all my heroes and inspirations. I had done it, I had become an author, and my book could even be loaned out. I was living the fantasy and everything seemed attainable. I might have even had a shot at becoming a biscuit or at least some sort of cracker (I still didn’t have many friends). About a week later, I went back to the section where my book had been catalogued away. My book was gone. I was dismayed, but perked up when the librarian explained it must have been loaned out. Over the next few weeks I checked several times but it never came back. It must have been very popular. In hindsight, I realise the librarians were only trying to indulge the fantasy of a child, giving him a glimmer of encouragement to keep his spark going. I wish I could explain to them now how much more they did for me. That the books they provided have given me the tools to encourage myself. They laid the foundation that still inspires me to write and keep trying to push my writing further. Maybe one day, I will create my own fantasy, a place in which someone else can lose themselves only to find much more. Either that or the masterpiece I created was too radical and groundbreaking for the small town. In years to come, I’m sure Ash and the Great Fat Snorlax will find the credit it justly deserves.

POST ADOLESCENT PAINS Writer_ Silvia Josipovic

Artist_ Julia Mary Sniatynskyj

In three months I turn twenty-one and leave behind the remnants of my adolescence - a period which is supposed to involve awkward sexual encounters, a dabble in narcotics, and rock n roll-inspired rebellion, but was instead a perpetual cycle of spinsterhood, drunken YouTubing, and New Order. As I farewell seven underwhelming years, I can’t help but feel severely underprepared for adulthood. Sure, I’ve taken to drinking wine and discussing Gillard’s incompetence as Prime Minister, but what good is that when I still spend a majority of my time swooning over rock stars and giggling at the word ‘gynie’? Adulthood is serious. Adults have careers. They get married and have babies. They host dinner parties for bosses, read the Financial Review, and power-walk. How do you prepare for that? “What?” “I said, how do you prepare for adulthood?” [Brief silence followed by furious lashing of PlayStation controller]. “I don’t have time for this, I’m busy.” Albeit, a fourteen year old isn’t exactly a vessel of wisdom where life lessons are concerned, so I turned to the person I’ve known to be an adult longest. “I thought they covered that in school? Well you could learn to cook...pick up some more chores – I was cleaning the whole house by myself when I was your age, you know. Actually the weeds are coming through the fake lawn again and I need you to...”

I left the room at this point so as to whether or not my mother had any actual advice, we’ll never know. At the end of my wits, I resort to the only constant in my life: the internet. Take a sewing class...or a simple home repair class at your local hardware store. Learn to play tennis. Don’t ever have sex without two forms of birth control. Also, read Carolyn Hax’s advice column for young adults. Good luck!!!” Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, why don’t you just slap me in slacks and seat me before Dancing with the Stars re-runs? Thus far, adulthood sounds terrible. Routine, responsibilities, rules...why would you want any of that? But then I am reminded of its perks. I can finally refer to everyone under the age of 16 as 12, and everyone under the age of 20 as 16. “Kids these days,” I’ll lament. My skin will return to its former porcelain glory. I can move out and my friends will frequent my house in a Seinfeld-esque fashion. I’ll strut around, Chanel purse in hand (because adults are rich, am I right?) and I can damn well do what I please. Spend an afternoon twerking to Dizzee Rascal’s ‘Bassline Junkie?’ Why not. Empty out the contents of my pantry at 1am and pretend to host my own cooking show? TRY STOP ME. Yes. The more I think about it, the more I can do adulthood.

SEXY, SEXY, SUPERANNUATION Writer_ Alana James

Artist_ Josh Evans

What are you going to do when you retire? It’s an odd question to pose to uni students, sure, but I bet most of you have considered how you’re going to spend that well-earned time. For me, retirement looks a lot like drinking red wine on a secluded beach while gazing at a sunset. Unfortunately, superannuation (which is my best chance of getting to that secluded beach) is not really a sexy subject. According to the Government’s recent TV advertisement, most people only think super is exciting when it’s used to describe a hero. Fair call. Superheros may be exciting, but to be honest the main thing I remember about the ad was correctly guessing it was Dave O’Neill doing the voiceover. Now, if you believe everything you read and everything you have heard from politicians recently, you may presume that not only do we miss out on the red wine by the beach, but also that the world is going to implode and the Government will steal all our money. Don’t panic, the world is not going to implode and your money is fine. Actually, the recent super reforms are kind of a good thing. You may even say they are sexy. So let’s break the topic down a little and separate fantasy from fact. FANTASY: There are shades of Cyprus about the super reforms and the Government is on a raid. No, Tony Abbott, there are not shades of Cyprus. Australia’s banks are not going to shut down for a couple of weeks, we don’t need an IMF bailout deal, and the Government is not going to set daily bank withdrawal limits. If anything, the miscommunication surrounding the reforms has created shades of grey... See, I can make superannuation sexy, right? FACT: The superannuation guarantee rate is going up. The amount of money that your employer has to put into super for you is going up from nine per cent to 12 per cent. It will go up gradually between now and 2019. This means just that little bit extra is being put away each year for your retirement. FANTASY: It’s going to cost everyone heaps more to put money into super. There’s been a lot of talk that super is now going to be hit with taxes at every possible chance. Nope. When you work, some of your moolah is taken out in tax before it lands in your bank account. This is around the 19 to 32 per cent mark, depending on how much you earn. If you choose to ‘salary sacrifice’ or tell your employers to take some of your pay out and put it straight into your super fund, only 15 per cent gets taken out in tax. The difference of course is that you can’t touch your super until you retire. It’s a great idea though. Top up your retirement savings now, less money gets taken out in tax and you end up with more at the end.

FACT: You can put more money straight into super and avoid penalties. There is a limit of how much you can put into your super at the lower tax rate. This is called a super contribution cap. Currently the contributions cap is $25,000 a year. This figure is ‘concessional’ which means before tax. The Government is increasing the concessional contributions cap to $35,000. This is happening in stages from now until 2018. You also used to be automatically taxed quite a lot if you went over this amount. It’s easy to do if you have the money – many people don’t realise the maximum amount also takes into account the money your employer puts into your super account. These reforms mean there’s not an automatic charge; now you have an opportunity to withdraw the money that went over the threshold. FANTASY: The Government is making it harder for me to save money in super That’s just not what these reforms are about, quite the opposite. Unless you are swimming in cash, you won’t pay anything extra, and if you fall into the low income threshold you can actually get more money from the Government. This is because people who earn under $37,000 a year will receive a tax payment of up to $500 a year put into their super fund.It will be 15 per cent of your concessional (before tax) contributions. So, if you are not salary sacrificing, it will be 15 per cent of what your employer puts into your super account. Win. FACT: Around 1.2 per cent of people will get less money back in tax deductions. So before everyone panics about tax concessions cut, it’s not happening to you. Unless you earn more than $300,000 a year, you don’t lose any money. What does it mean for the 128,000 people that the Government estimates earn over $300,000 a year? Well, when you put money into your super funds, it can be counted as a tax deduction. This gives you an incentive to put some money away for retirement because you can then claim it on your tax. For these wealthy people, instead of being able to claim 30 per cent back as a tax deduction, they can now only claim 15 per cent back. FANTASY: We are all going to get taxed ridiculous amounts once we retire. Nope. In 2014- 2015 it’s predicted there will be just over four million retirees. With the new reforms, the Government estimates only 0.4 per cent of these retirees will be paying tax on their earnings. FACT: According to Government estimates, less than half a per cent of retirees will pay tax (and only on earnings over $100,000) Currently anything you earn once you’re retired is tax free. From July 1 2014 if you are retired and earn more than $100,000 a year, anything over that amount will be taxed at 15 per cent. This is because the Government is capping the tax exemption on assets supporting income streams.

Yeah, that sentence sounded like gobbledegook to me too. Basically, even though you may be retired, your assets can earn you money. That’s right. Those assets of yours can be real money makers. Is superannuation sexy yet? Assets such as a business or house can earn you money and if you are already loaded this is just shaving a tiny bit off your excess earnings. So for the average person, anything you earn once retired is completely tax free. It’s also good to note that this applies to ‘defined benefit funds’ as well, which are the types of funds that most federal MPs have. FANTASY: Super is sexy. Okay, I’ll admit it. Superannuation is not much fun and it’s not sexy. FACT: Super is SUPER IMPORTANT. As bat-shit boring as it is, you should at the very least know which fund your lil nest egg is in. Check up on it, watch it grow – that’s your red wine and beach money!

LEGIT* ASTROLOGICAL READINGS Writer_ Yolandi MoonSparkle

Taurus April 20-May 20

Buy a sheep and you shall find true happiness. Buy two sheep and you shall find true happiness and a lover.

Gemini May 21-June 20

Mars is in the seventieth house, and cats have declared you their overlord. Rule them kindly, for kittens are swift and vengeful.

Cancer June 21-July 22

Shit’s looking up for you, bro! Well done. Give Venus a high-five next time you see her.

Leo July 23-August 22

Saturn is loosing grip of its rings as Mercury suffers an existential crisis. Both are going to take it out on you.

Virgo August 23-September 22

Your lethargic and angsty moods have been caused by a celestial shift. Send prayers to the Goddess of Fitness, Michelle Bridges, that she will bless you with the motivation to twist your limp and fragile body around a gym ball three times a week.

Libra September 23-October 22

The stars have aligned in a peculiar pattern. If you were hoping to welcome a new pet into the family, or invest in a houseboat, now is the time to do it.

Scorpio October 23-November 21

Your eyes are getting sleepy. Sleepy. Blink. Blink again. Continue. You’re welcome.

Sagittarius November 22-December 21

Changing your look has been lingering in your mind for quite some time. Neptune is in your favour, and so are booty-shorts.

Capricorn December 22-January 19

You’ve been feeling lucky lately. Stop it. You’re making everyone else feel bad.

Aquarius January 20-February 18

Now is the prime time to ditch that addiction that’s been dogging you for years. Caffeine, hand-sanitiser, heroin, chocolate? Get yourself into rehab.

Pisces February 19-March 20

Jupiter and Mars have passed each other on good terms; consider signing up for extreme sports.

Aries March 21-April 19

Get checked out for Hepatitis C.

*Be influenced by these at your own discretion

DREAM INTERPRETATION GUIDE Writer_ Yolandi MoonSparkle

Artist_ Lorell Lehman

AARDVARK

The appearance of this little armoured creature represents your unwillingness to open up to a new person in your life. It also hints at your past failed attempts to read the dictionary.

BICYCLE, FIXIE

Your dreams are haunted by the ghosts of hipsters past. You wish to speed on through the mire of coolness that dogged your teenage steps, but you are unable to kick your bike into higher gear. Stop talking to pretentious dicks and this dream will fade away.

CAR SERVICE

Get your car serviced.

DRAGONFLY

You are hovering, hesitating to make a decision that has to be made. You have been skipping between solutions for months, but now you must commit to one path.

EEEEEEEEEAAAAGLE

You wish you had a close friendship, like that nurtured between Turk and JD. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s okay; everyone does.

FRUIT HAT

The appearance of the fruit hat in a dream is a terrible omen. It indicates a lack of fibre in your diet, and a dependency on artificial fast foods that marks the sharp decline into Diabetes Type II. Eat the hat, the next time it appears.

GONG

Your dreams of being in a superstar rock band have crumbled. Although the Pennywhistle Wailers could once have been an iTunes sensation, the time has passed. A two-week period of Rundle Mall busking should be enough to cleanse your soul of your teenage dreams.

HARRY POTTER

You are Claire Suzanna Moreton. Hello, Claire.

JAIL

Your addiction to illegally downloading television series is getting out of hand. Your most recent shady acquisition of Game Of Thrones, series three, is probably to blame for this nocturnal terror.

KATE MIDDLETON

The arrival of the duchess represents your more fastidious side. Why is she Catherine-with-a-C and Kate-with-a-K? Dwelling on small things in life will put a serious strain on your mental health.

LIMPETS

You are needy, and people are beginning to be irritated by your clinginess. Let go.

MACARENA, THE

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena / Que tu cuerpo es paâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; darle alegria cosa buena / Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena / Heeey, Macarena!

NUMBAT

This little guy is just in your dreams because he’s so darn cute. Chill out, homie. Not everything is deep and ttly srs.

ORIGIN ENERGY

Doorknock sales representatives that stalk the astral plane are the worst. No matter what you do to get rid of them, they’ll stick around. Good luck.

PIE

This tasty treat is a symbol of purest evil. You are in great danger.

QUARTZ

Is a girl’s second-best friend. You are feeling inadequate, but hey – you’re still a (semi-)precious stone. Treasure yourself more.

ROADKILL

There are a number of ways for roadkill to appear in your dreams: If you are running over the animal, it means you are a terrible person who relishes confrontation with weaker foes. Find healthier hobbies for self-validation. Craft would be good for you. If you find the roadkill, then you have hidden anxieties about being the first person at the scene of a crime. If you are eating the roadkill, you need to examine your diet.

SIESTA

If you are dreaming about sleep, you seriously need to relax. Play whale tapes at night for a snooze by the seashore.

TOTO

You are not in Kansas, you have never been in Kansas, and, in all honesty, you will never go to Kansas.

UMBRELLA

The umbrella is a sign of your fluctuating sense of security. Sometimes you are open; sometimes you are tightly bound. Keep in mind that umbrellas are most useful when fully unfurled.

VAGINAS

You like the ladies.

WEEVIL

One weevil is a sign of more weevils to come. Your problems are about to snowball.

XYLOPHONE

Your anxiety over your primary school band performance is now unwarranted. No one else remembers that F# you hit at the crucial point in Jingle Bells back in 1999.

YOGURT, NATURAL

Is a dream sign of a relationship in your life going sour. If a friend of yours is seen eating yogurt in a dream, it is this friend you should avoid.

ZAZA, KARIM

This goalie is watching your back. Take some risks and see.

THE MISSING LETTER

If the missing letter is dogging your dreams, you shouldn’t be reading UniLife Magazine before you go to bed.

SHROOMS

Writer_ Daniel

Artist_ Tyson Modistach

WINTER IS COMING No White Walkers but Golden Tops, during golden dawn, growing in wet air, in wet earth. In deep forest with a million brothers, some twins, some identical. Ancient eyes push through thick forest skimming the floor, over polka-dot, orange and red, which look like they want to kill you, and all the brown caps that don’t hide from my eyes the golden brown that turns blue, the magic seed, the earth’s mind. Through the web of branches you see others walking in groups, loud and arrogant. Tourists and townies; you freeze and watch and move deeper into the thick fear, as do the other animals that see you. It is peace and calm and tranquillity, and they do not understand. You have to walk in alone to where it is most feral, where thick cobwebs attach each tree to another and to the earth so there is no break, no hole to crawl out of, only a tunnel guiding you to an oasis of sudden space and bright. In this space are one hundred Gods waiting for you to pick them. When I was young it was a secret, then I got shown, then others, and now ten years later, too many have been told and they make busy the peace, and they crowd there after long rains. Now my land is laid waste, and they grab out for others like greedy children. I know as I walk and see the scattered refugees left behind how careless they pick. Don Juan would not be impressed. SHROOM THE REVALATOR Perfect now; the moment and every moment rippling out from it will be perfect. Harmony is the supreme value; everything should be in balance. Muscles become lungs and suck the energy from the air. Your breath becomes deep and powerful, it holds in a ball of energy in front of you. Brought back into harmony, into the power of the earth so as nature’s green shines bright, and you come into understanding with all of life: every tree, plant, animal. Brought so far back that humanity in its actions and games seems inexplicable and insane. I must remain stoked; I continually stoke my energy and enthusiasm. When tired or bored or unable – go do something else: broken rhythm, breathe change and movement. Do things completely unselfishly for something else, this guards against a shrinking world, becoming petty and small, full of narrow interests and fears. Focus on someone else gives perspective and context, it is of use and purpose and gives the eye a break from self. Dignity is being outside yourself; even the biggest tool must look calm, like a saint, like an animal, when caring for someone else, holding someone in tears, working in a field or in the sea, or focusing on any practical task. Instead of responding and reaching into every urge, take the current of your energy, swirl it around – without an end, an absolute, a feeling, thought or action – around in a smoke and let it gently breeze over you. Always surfing, balanced but moving forward, not falling or rushing despite the speed, always aware as ready to crash as continue, anticipating it in each moments change, balanced and ready.

Some people become little kids, pure ones with total innocence, and they follow you around scared, excited and laughing. These are of the best value, the worst are those that surround you, just there, maybe a friend of a friend, staying straight and staying lost, laughing and trying to trip you out with a TV. Judge ruthlessly with your eyes. SHROOM WARRIOR To live in permanent exhale. The immortal giant has become ageless and 15 feet tall due to his understanding of Nirvana. He roams the earth watching, teaching; he grows and dies in a day and is reborn in the night. He sees space when he shuts his eyes, the darkness filled with stars and galaxies. In this state of power he can bring others’ minds into his own, giving them a brief truth. His energy-filled body, his flaming mind, his weapon the perception he wields with ultimate skill. He has moved so fast as to protect a circle of the earth under him from every drop in a heavy rainstorm by deflecting every drop with the tip of his finger. He battles and flows with the essence of life, harnessing air and energy torn from the fabric of they sky, creating them in physical form. I sit and learn peace; I am timeless, still. I am an eye, a cliff, still. Though everything moves around me, I remain. I lean against time like wind; I remain. I am constant, still in my fury. I am change, a turning earth: though I move, my surface is still; though I change, I remain, an eye, still.

SHROOM LIFE Every time I have shrooms, I glimpse a fuller understanding, but like all perfect moments, it is inside the barrel of a wave and cannot last; the world breaks over you. Human cares and worries, and most powerfully the lives and perceptions of others, crush down on your new fragile view. Break like a monster wave that swallows you violently and smashes you from all sides. I see that big fish, turning into the water, I see his scales and the drops of water in the river, and I wait, one whole month, to see the fish swim back a full moon. Winter is coming, and rain, and life. I’m going south to the forest and the ocean. CORMAC MCCARTHY “The truth about the world, is that anything is possible. Had you not seen it all from birth and thereby bled it of its strangeness it would appear to you for what it is, a hat trick in a medicine show, a fevered dream, a trance bepopulate with chimeras having neither analogue nor precedent...the order in creation which you see is that which you have put there, like a string in a maze, so that you shall not lose your way. For existence has its own order and that no man’s mind can compass, that mind itself being but a fact among others.”

REVIEWS

FILM: Cloud Atlas (2013) Ilona Wallace

FILM: Warm Bodies (2013) Shamika Moore

4/5

3.5/5

Bow down and worship the God of Prosthetics. Without the mystical power of make-up magic, the Wachowskis’ film would have been hopelessly complicated and incomprehensible. Cloud Atlas, the book by David Mitchell, is told in a chronological fashion, each story falling after the next, and so explaining the links between the tales. The film takes a different tack, telling the tales through their links so that the story is fractured and unclear until the final few scenes when all the loose ends fuse into a lovely little knot.

Nobody ever hears the point of view of the zombie. Until now. In the new movie, Warm Bodies, viewers are let into the life of the living dead through vivid internal monologues by the strange zombie, R (Nicholas Hoult). The zom-rom-com (zombie romantic comedy) is based on the zombie-human relationship between R and Julie (Teresa Palmer) and how this relationship changes everything.

Hugo Weaving is the quiet king of this film, effortlessly sinking into each new character. Halle Berry, Tom Hanks and Hugh Grant are all close, but not nearly a chameleon of Weaving’s calibre. The film is beautifully dressed and expertly directed; the storyline is endlessly intriguing, and it is impossible to remain apathetic to the emotions on screen. Sometimes the make-up is too much, and some of Berry’s scenes with a young kid verge on school special cheese, but those are tiny pitfalls in the otherwise masterful movie.

As a fan of Hoult’s, I was eager to see his latest piece of work and he didn’t disappoint. His performance was, oddly enough for a zombie, heartfelt and truly funny. To be honest, I was most impressed by his lack of blinking throughout most of the film. The movie has a lot of laugh-outloud moments, and you really feel a connection to the characters. The relationship between R and Julie was adorably awkward (as expected), though the funniest relationship has to be the zombie bromance between R and best friend M (Rob Corddry). The movie is a refreshing take on the overdone zombie flick, with sweet undertones, brilliant script writing and talented acting. Well worth a watch, or maybe two.

EXPERIENCE: Easter (First Sunday after the full moon following the March equinox) Bernard “Moist-Towlette” Worthington 4/5 Well, it looks like the chocolatey moon of religiously-tainted relaxation that is the Easter holiday has rotated once more, and we are all collectively 10 billion chocolate-pounds heavier. AND WHAT A FANTASTIC FOUR DAYS OF GETTING TANK-FISHED IT WAS INDEED! All thanks to one inspiring character— the great Easter Bunny himself (loosely based on the earlier, less ‘bouncy’ myth of Christ-comma-Jesus). In fact, the only real downside to the Easter period is the addiction that necessarily follows such a period of relaxation and indulgence. You get used to boooozing, laaazing, repeatedly putting gooey brown things in your mouth and otherwise doing sweet-baby-Jesus-all. In summary, I rather enjoyed Easter, but I don’t really enjoy it not being Easter anymore. So fuck you, Jesus (now that I’m filled with a serotonin-deprived sudden rage at the thought), for only dying-and-coming-back-to-life once in your whole damned life! I mean, if you can do it once, why not twice, or even three times!? What, did you think that one chocolate-themed, four-day holiday a year would be enough for us? Yeah right! Well, I just hope that next time you’re on Earth you do better. Hope it’s soon! I NEED MORE CHOCOLATE IN MA BELLAY.

FILM: Tucker & Dale VS Evil (2010) Ilona Wallace 4/5 The danger of watching too many horror flicks is demonstrated in this genre-parody thriller flick. The comedy is effortless, but sometimes the gore is a little too vividly imagined, with director Eli Craig always happy to flash back to a gruesome murder scene. Tucker and Dale are two harmless hicks, played by Alan Tudyk (Firefly) and Tyler Labine (Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes). They move out to the woods to renovate a rundown holiday cabin, when a group of college kids decide to go camping in the area. Hysterical with freedom, the students are quick to judge Tucker and Dale as Hollywood’s stereotypical backwater murderers – and when the two friends rescue/kidnap one of the college girls, the students believe their worst c-grade nightmares are coming true. With one boy lousy with bloodlust, and the others too panicky to think straight, a series of unfortunate accidents leads to an increasingly violent revenge attack. Despite the violence, the film manages to be indescribably funny. Tucker and Dale’s friendship has a charming chemistry, and the characters are so well-performed that it’s possible to believe the absurd events could really come to pass. A top-shelf edition to any movie night repertoire.

MUSIC: Dubstep (c. 1998 – present) The Laughing Bard

FILM: Birdemic: Shock & Terror (2010) Ilona Wallace

5/5

0.5/5

OFG [sic] I LOVE DUBSTEP. I love it like baby aliens love chest-raping people from inside their bodies. And since I’m being concise, I’ll move straight to the reason why dubstep is in fact a sci-fi topic. Dubstep is sci-fi because IT WAS INVENTED BY ALIENS. To be specific, aliens concealing themselves within the mullets of dubstep affiliates known affectionately as dub-drones. Beneath the mullet (and in fact WITHIN the mullet) the alien comptroller has tentacles buried right through the skull of the host drone and there it creates this spanking new genre called “dubstep”.

Can people die of second-hand shame? After seeing this film, I’m feeling a bit under the weather, and it could well be a case of the OH-GOD-WHYs. Remember making a video in highschool – a terrible four-minute saga that had no script, featured deadweights and drama queens, and was filmed on David Stratton’s favourite shaky handycam that always lagged a little behind the action? Take that film and stretch it out to a 90-minute endurance test.

That is why dubstep is so droppingly epic. Because it is actually the latest contact we have received from aliens since Jimi Hendrix (who actually WAS an alien). This is really great and therefore I rate dubstep as 5 out of 5 alien-infested mullets. May all your drops be deep and penetrative.

FILM: Harry Potter 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7a & 7b (2001-2011) Claire Suzanna Moreton 5/5 How good are they

You keep watching, hoping the funny bits will come. If it’s this bad, it must be good. Right? You will wither, weeping, waiting for the goodness. The main character is a talentless shell controlled by a sales drone. The plot is endless and yet never seems to begin (it takes 45 minutes for the shocking and terrifying screensaver birds to arrive) The tenuous environmental message is destroyed by the utter ridiculousness: birds make aeroplane noises and explode in fiery balls; the salesbot and his girlfriend kidnap two children who seem largely unaffected by the brutal deaths of their parents; the forestdwelling tree hugger that the cast abandon to die when the trees catch on fire. Here’s a challenge: make it through without a drinking game. Oh, and there’s a sequel.

FILM: Children Of Men (2006) Sebastian Moore

GAME: Little Inferno (2012) Nicolle Vale

5/5

4/5

Loosely based on PD James’ 1992 novel of the same name, Alfonso Cuaron’s 2006 film Children of Men is set in a futuristic world where women can no longer procreate. The film follows Theo Faron (Clive Owen), a former radical who has lost hope in the world’s revival. Early on in the film, Theo is kidnapped by a band of rebels, headed by his former lover Julian Taylor (Julianne Moore). The group pressures Theo into retrieving illegal travel documents for an immigrant woman—and in doing so, unlocking the key to humanity’s survival. Children of Men presents us with a disturbing vision of a neo-fascist Britain, where the people have become what we have spent the last century fighting against. The inability to procreate and the inevitability of extinction have slowly created an environment where war and terrorist acts have become a dayto-day reality, rendering most of the world uninhabitable. Part thriller, part sci-fi, part human drama, part religious allegory, Children of Men is an Orwellian nightmare that avoids getting bogged down in its big ideas. Through his confident direction, Cuaron brings a sense of urgency to the story, providing us with thought provoking subtext whilst delivering scene-after-scene of nerve-wracking tension.

Little Inferno, an iOS, Wii U, and PC game from the creators of World Of Goo, can only be described as an iceberg of a game. At first it seems nice but somewhat pointless; your screen focuses on a fireplace and your only job is to collect coins, buy objects, and then burn them in the fire. At face value, this game seems like it could only keep the attention of pyromaniacs and those who are easily entertained, but it is so much more. If you persevere with the monotonous but entrancing routine of watching things burn, Little Inferno will eventually reveal to you its wonderfully beautiful, sad, and metaphorical narrative. You will start to question the games you play. You will question consumerism. You may even question life itself! What seems like another robotic timewaster of a game conceals within it a cynical, truthful message and is an inspiring creative concept, worthy of everyone’s attention.

GENERAL INTEREST

UNILIFE

THE WORLD’S GREATEST SHAVE: A MANY-LAYERED HAIRCUT Writer_ Jessica Daminato

Image Provided by_ Jessica Daminato

Taking part in the World’s Greatest Shave is a challenge that I have wanted to participate in for a few years now, but never believed I would be brave enough to do. This year I thought seriously about the Shave and decided to first speak with one of my closest and most supportive friends. I expressed to her my concerns about the possibility of not having enough sponsors and people to support to me. Her advice, to have confidence in myself and to trust that I have support around me, was the first step forward. I spent a week or so speaking with my family and friends about the idea of participating in the Shave, but had no definite plans. I received mostly positive comments, mixed in with some negative ones. The comments that most affected me were the ones that questioned how my beauty would change by shaving my head. These comments not only had me thinking, but were the ones that spurred me on and made me want to challenge people’s perceptions of beauty. I am in my third year, studying Bachelor of Social Science/Bachelor of Psychological Science and through volunteering, have recently found an interest in supporting the development of young girls and women. By training to be a mentor for young girls, I have been alerted to their obsession with physical beauty and body image. I feel that the distortions of women’s body images by the media and the easy access young people have to these images are heavily influential on how young girls see themselves.

I have never had a model figure and from this I have grown to learn that feeling good about myself comes from the inside-out. Through participating in the Shave, I hoped to be able to challenge people’s perception of what it means to have a positive body image, regardless of your weight or physical attributes such as hair. By no means do I believe that having no hair shows a lack of femininity, however - I do know that on TV, in film and in magazines, many women have long, flowing and heavily styled hair. These images instil distorted ideas and values in young girls regarding what it means to be feminine and physically beautiful. My desire to challenge stereotypes of beauty and to act as a role model to young girls was not my only motivation for doing the Shave. I believed there would be many other valuable lessons to be learnt. I was initially interested in whether others would perceive me differently. However, I quickly learnt that many people were there to support me, not to judge me. I was also determined to challenge myself and break away from my old, predictable self. My personal reasons were only part of the excitement; the other was my chance to raise funds for the Leukaemia Foundation – for blood cancer research and to provide services for people affected by leukaemia, lymphoma and myeloma. Although my family has not been closely affected by blood cancer, I understand that many of our families have had experiences with cancer and are therefore close to many of our hearts. For this reason, I was determined to contribute my best effort to help raise funds for this great cause. Initially, I set my target at $1,000 and I decided the best way to get the word out

was through social media. Within only 48 hours of posting my World’s Greatest Shave profile on Facebook, I reached my target. Completely overwhelmed by people’s generosity and kind, encouraging words, I felt it would be possible to reach the next thousand. I began to lose track of the thousands and before I knew it, my sponsors had helped me raise over $3,000. Leading up to the Shave, I thought I had prepared myself for what was ahead. In hindsight, I recognise that I was not prepared for the responses and reactions I received from the people around me. I was touched by the people who felt to share their own personal experiences with me, of how cancer has affected their families. I was also moved by the people I did not know directly, who made an effort to provide words of encouragement and contribute very generous donations to the Leukaemia Foundation. I honestly feel that without the support of my family and closest friends, we would not have been able to raise the amount of money that we did. The Shave was the first time I have attempted to fundraise for a cause and I felt blessed by those around me, who were backing me every step of the way and helping to get the word out. Taking part in this experience, I have learnt invaluable lessons about my family, friends and the overall power of the human spirit. I am looking forward to future opportunities, to raise money for important causes that directly impact the people around us. I believe that the $3,770 my sponsors raised to support those affected by blood cancer shows that small donations can go a long way if we all work together and support one another.

HARDCORE PARKOUR Writer_ Silvia Josipovic

I’m dying. This is the thought which crosses my mind as I lap Elder Park. I’m five minutes into my first Parkour class and I wonder if I’ve the physical capacity required to make it through the next three hours. I had spent the lead-up to the lesson trawling YouTube and watching that episode of The Office where Dwight, Michael and Andy leap around yelling “HARDCORE PARKOUR!” I had then done much the same with obstacles I encountered. I thought this would be sufficient preparation. I thought wrong. Parkour has gained a steady following since its introduction to Australia in 2006. Originating in France, Parkour is a noncompetitive discipline which develops one’s ability to overcome mental and physical obstacles using only the body. Described as something which would be most useful in an emergency, its objective is to get from Point A to Point B as quickly and safely as possible. Inspired by an online video, Travis Ranson – now President of the South Australian Parkour Association – fostered its growth in Adelaide. Parkour is quite visibly the apple of his eye; he smiles as he recalls stumbling upon the clip. “I remember seeing the video and it looked really cool so I had a search online – this was about 2004 – and nothing came up in Australia. I looked into it a bit, forgot about it, then two years later it popped back into my mind. I searched again and this time found a website. So I signed up online and here I am ... here we are.”

Here we are; an overcast March day in Elder Park. What is most surprising is the turn-out; a 20-odd strong crowd, aged from their pre-teens to late twenties, and a handful of girls who join me in sticking it to the patriarchy. Travis divides us into two classes; those who have attended before and first-timers. I join three other young boys, bounding with energy and a degree of athleticism which for me remains elusive. I note the age gap and embrace my role as the mature-age student: I ask (and answer) the questions, make poorly received jokes, and laugh with our instructor, Jack. As we warm up, Jack runs through rules and safety. If we’re to take international media coverage at face value, Parkour encourages reckless behaviour and its participants have complete disregard for their own safety and for the safety of others. This stereotype is quickly quashed, with Jack stating safety is paramount and encouraging us to speak out if we feel uncomfortable performing a manoeuvre. The class begins with us crawling up and down a grassy slope in a cat-like fashion. Despite my coordinative prowess, the task is surprisingly difficult. As passers-by watch on curiously, I’m wary of the fact I more resemble Gollum than some sleek feline. It is with some relief we move on to running. Jack is quick to point out the slapping sound of passing runners; noting that the heel strike places a great deal of stress on the foot. A more efficient method of running, he explains, is the forefoot strike; placing the weight on the ball of the foot.

As we jog to the outskirts of the Festival Centre, the difference is noticeable, and it is this drill which proves a fitting segue for our next exercise: jumping and landing. Jack reiterates the importance of landing on the balls of the feet, before pointing to a ledge overlooking Elder Park Cafe and stating, “So now we’re gonna put it all into practice by jumping off that.” I glance at my fellow classmates and see they share the same dumbfounded expression. He chuckles sadistically, instead directing us to some steps around the corner. The task is simple enough and we’re quick to grasp the technique. I start to wonder if Parkour will present any real challenges. Good work Silvia, let’s jinx ourselves to high hell. Jack goes on to explain that sometimes additional moves, such as a roll, are required to land safely. All my years of somersaulting could not have prepared me for this. It so happens there is a lot of skill involved in perfecting the move and, as I teddy roll over the pavement, my shoulder and lower back are quick to alert me to the fact I’m doing it wrong. I hide my grazed arms while Jack gushes over one of the young boys’ ninja-like skills. Collecting myself, and my battered ego, from the ground, we move to some railings where we work on our balance. From here, we hit the gold mine of Parkour drills: the wall climb. Standing by a wall at the entrance to the Festival Centre, we grasp at its ledge; right leg planted high near our chest, left leg dangling behind. We use the left leg to drive us up the wall. While my height proves advantageous in reaching the top, a severe lack of upper body strength sees Jack provide a sneaky leg up. Perched at the top, we make our way back down using the same technique in reverse. As the class draws to a close, we undertake a series of strength and conditioning exercises, involving crowd favourites planking and phantom bench. My muscles are wailing like a banshee and the whole thing is about as painful as childbirth (or so I imagine). These are necessary in building the strength required for Parkour, Jack explains, coming out of a crunch with ease. A series of push-ups and squats later and we join the intermediate class for a warm down. Physically and mentally exhausted, I leave with a collection of bruises and a new-found empathy for Christopher Reeve. So why subject yourself to such gruelling physical activity? “I want to see how strong I can get – physically, mentally, and spiritually,” says Parkour enthusiast Thananthorn Toi Suriyasenee. “It’s a great way to keep fit and it’s also gotten me through some tough times - I’ve a new family with all the friends I’ve made while training.” That, and it’s a hell of a lot of fun.

For more information on Parkour visit www.pointa.com.au

THE ONLY DEFINITE Writer_ Anonymous

Artist_ Julia Mary Sniatynskyj

Well, you have this thing called a heart. Really it’s a tremendous thing. I mean you’ll get tired and you’ll sleep, you’ll get anxious and you’ll take a bubble bath but your heart? It’s nonstop. Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum. Right? It beats like, what, a million times a day? All day, every day, until you die. You’re made up of shit like that. Tubes, sacs, bones shaped like towers. You have to try to remember that you’re not more than that. You do have a brain, right? No, seriously, think about it for a minute. You’re sitting there right now (or standing, or lying, whatever it is that you’re doing). And just think for a minute. Underneath your skull there is a pile of mush. Can you see it? You’re just like everybody else? But you’re not, right? Because within all this crap; the blood, the veins and the brain that looks the same as everybody else, is you. But because you got this thing called a mind you’ll forget all that. You’ll forget that you’re just made of blood, veins and guts. You’ll think you’re something else. And you might hurt people. You might get into fights. But you. You are actually going to die… What does that mean? What does that mean to you?

SMILE, YOU’RE ON CAMERA Writer_ Christopher Testa

Artist_ Josh Evans

When intimate images of an Adelaide Crows footballer were broadcast into lounge rooms and pubs across the country, many footy fans and general punters had a good chuckle and some jumped on social media to share the laughter around. Many als¬o questioned whether such a heavy media presence is necessary in the first place and, as Crow star Ricky Henderson recovers from his embarrassment, it is worth pondering whether surveillance is now a permanent intrusion into our lives. Henderson’s nether regions were broadcast while he was in the team changing rooms preparing for the second half of his team’s AFL clash with the Brisbane Lions. Television cameras filming and broadcasting from within a private environment like a football team dressing room is the first sign that traditional notions of restricted access and the line between the public domain and the inner sanctum are fast being eroded by advancing technology. Reactions to the incident by both the football club and broadcasters also highlight how ingrained the idea of constant surveillance has become. Neither the Adelaide Football Club nor the broadcaster, Fox Footy, dared to suggest filming in the dressing room might become off limits. The public demands ever increasing access to areas it once could not visit. The velvet rope is being torn away and social media is largely fuelling this desire for connectivity. Log out of Facebook and Twitter, leave the iPad at home and switch mobile data off on your phone before heading on a trip outside the city and see how unusual it is to not be aware of what’s making headlines. The 24-hour news cycle only makes people greedier and thirstier for juicy news and this is arguably detrimental to the quality of content in the mainstream media. Delayed gratification of finding out what’s going on is much rarer; no one waits for the nightly news bulletin any more. Social media has also placed the audience in the driver’s seat of what makes headlines. Likewise, the power of instant humiliation has never been greater. No sooner had Ricky Henderson unfortunately exposed himself across Australian television screens, that grainy stills of the saucy shot were uploaded to social media sites and turned into less than flattering internet memes. However, heavy use of surveillance in society is generally not a new thing. Closed circuit television was installed across cities in the United Kingdom over the past few decades in a bid to clamp down on both petty crime and violent assaults. Notably in Australia, the accused murderer of Melbourne woman Jill Meagher was caught a week after her death in late 2012, thanks in no small part to CCTV cameras operating along Brunswick’s Sydney Road. Camera phones and other gadgets are now everywhere and almost everybody has one, or can access one with ease.

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not only becoming more used to filming events of our lives but more accustomed to being filmed on a constant basis ourselves, leaving us with little objection when our own privacy is breached. The youngest generation knows not of a world where events go unrecorded. Problems arise in cases like Ricky Hendersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, where privacy is breached in such a way that it goes too far and yet the very breaching of privacy is entirely facilitated by our norms and expectations. We, as a society, are no closer to deciding how much is too much and where to draw the line between public and private.

FORLORN CORRESPONDENT University students are meant to be opinionated and proactive, so when they see something that isn’t quite right, they get their baby boomer costumes on and head to the complaints office. Let’s sneak into some mailboxes and see what’s going on. This is real correspondence. Reality TV dreams it could be this true-to-life.

DEAR LANEWAY I’m not sure if this is the right email to direct this letter to, considering this was the closest contact I could find for general queries, but I wanted to write about what happened at today’s Laneway stop in Adelaide. Before I get to that, however, as a faithful attendee for the last two years, I will say that I was extremely happy with the line-up and I was able to see many, if not all, of the bands on the line-up without much hassle. There weren’t any clashes between the more important bands out of my shortlist, so I can only trust your collective tastes for what’s in store in 2014. However, I’m probably not the only one to point this out, but there was one major problem that stopped many attendees (myself included) from being able to enjoy or even see some of the bands in the festival, whether out of first-time curiosity or being a fan of the band’s work. Since many of the more well-known bands on the line-up were lined up back-to-back on the Courtyard stage, this made it virtually impossible for other people to make their way to Fowlers’ Live, especially as the Courtyard is the only way to get to the Fowlers building. I will acknowledge that security closing off the gate that divides the Courtyard stage

and the remainder of the festival site to prevent an overcrowding of people in the Courtyard stage area is a more-thanreasonable solution, especially during the ‘peak time’ of the festival, and in cases of people being too impatient or ‘rowdy’ while watching a band behind the gates or waiting to enter the Courtyard area to make their way to the Fowlers stage, a little intervention is understandable, albeit a little extreme. However, when security have closed off the ONLY route to the Fowlers building, that creates trouble, disappointment and (what I can imagine to be) an assumed “lack of support” from the artist’s end (I definitely imagined this to be the case with The Men, one of the few bands I missed out on seeing because of the major traffic jam, although I’m willing to be proven wrong if anyone was able to see their set in the Fowlers building.) I wasn’t particularly fazed myself, but I think the decision to put most of the headliners back-to-back on the same stage that shares the only entry route with a smaller stage was a rather poorly thought-out one, in my opinion. Since the Adelaide stop’s wrapped up, here’s something I think the organisers for my city’s stop should consider: if several popular headliners are going to be sharing the same stage back-to-back, and that particular stage happens to be next to a smaller stage that can only be accessed by walking through the “bigger headliner” stage, then I think alternate access routes to the smaller stage should be considered, so people who legitimately WANT to see those bands playing there don’t have to wait several hours behind a closed-off gate because of a full-capacity reach in the “bigger headliner” stage, only to be turned away or miss out on one of the many bands they wanted to

see. Personally, I think the UniSA + Fowler site is a perfect place to hold Laneway, although I’m slowly gravitating towards the camp of people who think that Adelaide’s Laneway should be held on a bigger site in future years. I also think that my suggestion might be a little far-fetched or impossible considering Adelaide, but I’m hoping it’s something that’s considered. I’d rather not hear about accidents or riots occurring as a result of being forced to wait behind the gate that’s the only access route to one of the stages. I apologize if my letter comes off as a little erratic or passive-aggressive, but it’s something I feel a little strongly about. Well, that and I did have a pretty good time tonight, so I’m still struggling to put this in a more succinct manner. Regardless, I hope this situation is brought to light when you guys organize the next Laneway festival and that something is done about it. I also look forward to what you guys bring to the table at the end of this year before the next Laneway comes. Kind regards, JON SANTOS

DEAR JON We’re aware of the unfortunate situation at the Adelaide event where people weren’t able to see every band that they wanted to. Whilst we’re fairly sure there’s nothing we can say that will make up for the disappointment you’re feeling, we do think it’s important to let you know why this happened. Firstly, there are capacity restrictions imposed by the event’s liquor licence, which we must comply with (this is why we specify the restricted capacity issue in the ticketing terms and conditions of sale). Once the maximum capacity is reached, the area has to be closed. In addition to this, there were an excessive number of fence jumpers, which put an extra strain on security on the day. Laneway Festival Adelaide has always been a challenging event to execute and unfortunately we haven’t yet been able to find a suitable new location that is both cost effective and capable of accommodating the audience numbers, which vary greatly from year to year (in fact, we’d welcome any suggestions you may have for a new site). That aside, we are committed to coming back next year and delivering our best event yet. We hope that you were able to enjoy any number of the other amazing bands that were not playing in the restricted area on the day. THE LANEWAY TEAM

DEAR PETRA STARKE After reading your article about Generation Y, and the article from the Sunday Mail called Spoilt little brats, I felt a little offended. Perhaps instead of jumping on the generation-bashing bandwagon we should look at the circumstances and context. This incident involved students involved in a pubcrawl. Pubcrawls are a way for hard-working students to take time off from their intense study-load. Study-loads appointed by universities who chalk up HECs debts that take a decade or more to pay off, whereas for people studying 20 years ago it was free. As for the sense of entitlement, I understand where you’re coming from, but I have witnessed this attitude from all kinds of generations. I have worked in retail for a few years now and generally the sense of entitlement stems from baby-boomers. Not all of them are like this of course, just the majority of those I’ve encountered. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending the idiots who smashed cars or caused a public nuisance, but if we are judging people on those counts, what about The Clipsal? That was an entire weekend of enduring a mass amount of noise pollution and multi-generational drunken obnoxiousness, but no one said anything because of all the money it made. I think that’s a double standard. And finally I’d like to point out the journalistic fallacies found in the article Spoilt little brats. The title is heavily sensationalised. I know this is done to sell papers, but The Advertiser doesn’t have any competitors so this is unnecessary. Stereotyping and generalising are two major journalistic fallacies that students are told to avoid while writing. It is also dangerous to use, because labelling groups of people is a bad habit. I’d hate to see newer journalists, who have studied hard and learnt the ethics needed to handle the job throw it all away because that’s what their predecessors do. (Obviously I’m not talking about your article, since it was an opinion piece anyway.) If we want to set a better example for younger generations then we should reflect it through all aspects of life, including media. Kind regards BRIDGET FAHEY HODDER DEAR BRIDGET Thanks for your email, I always like getting feedback on columns, particularly when people take the time to write a well thought-out response as you have done. I will take issue with you on a few points though (hope you’re sitting down, I’m about to go on a bit here…!): Firstly, I have to admit to being really rankled by Australian students who complain that university education isn’t free. It hasn’t been free since 1989, which means that much of the current professional workforce has paid for their tertiary education – it’s not some injustice solely perpetrated on Generation Y. As you know, tertiary education in Australia is funded by HECS which allows students to defer payment of uni fees until they’re earning more than $49,095 a year. The average HECS debt is $15,200 and is paid over 8.3 years, working out to a paltry $1831 a year. That’s $152 a month, or

about $38 a week. I’d be willing to bet you pay more on your phone and internet bill, or on clothes or going out than you do for HECS – and keep in mind you don’t even have to pay anything until you’re earning over the threshold. Furthermore, if you move overseas once you finish your uni degree and earn your income over there you can pretty much get out of paying HECS altogether. This is one of the reasons why the government currently has a $6.2 billion unpaid HECS problem. That’s $6.2 BILLION worth of university education that students are basically getting for free – because they haven’t paid for it. Complaining about having to gradually pay back a university loan when you are actually reaping the benefits of it with a well paid job, instead of getting it all laid on for free, is a classic example of the overblown sense of entitlement Gen Y seems to have that was the subject of my column in the first place. If you want an unfair education system look at America, where you won’t even get through the gate of a university without a whopping stack of cash in your bank account. Secondly – newspapers are full of stories every day about people being a public nuisance, being drunk and smashing cars, it’s general police news. It’s not true that such behaviour was ignored at the Clipsal, several stories were written about this exact topic; I’d point you in the direction of this column by my colleague Tory Shepherd: http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/ opinion/shepherd-counting-cost-of-socialevents/story-e6freabc-1226595002779

other metropolitan newspapers of equal size in Adelaide doesn’t mean we don’t still have to engage our readers and grab their attention, and report what’s going on around them. By your logic we could just put a headline reading “NO NEWS TODAY” on the front page and we’d still sell the same amount of papers – this is obviously untrue. It’s also untrue that the Sunday Mail and Advertiser don’t have any competitors. In 2013 newspapers compete with all forms of media – TV, radio, internet. In a way, our newspapers are even competing with our own news websites! With readership of hard copy newspapers declining, it’s even more important to make sure the stories we present our readers are newsworthy, interesting and engaging. Finally, I appreciate that pub crawls are a fun way for students to have a break from study, however given uni has only been back for a handful of weeks this year I’m not sure that is the most defensible reason for the AUES’s latest event…! Maybe wait until after exams or graduation, when you actually have something to celebrate? From your email it sounds like you’re studying a journalism degree. If that’s the case, keep up the hard work and best wishes for the rest of your study – I hope to read your byline somewhere one day! Regards PETRA STARKE

Thirdly – I can’t speak to the decisions made by the editor of the Sunday Mail on last week’s front page story or headline, but I will say that your idea that it and The Advertiser don’t need to have strong front pages to sell papers because they don’t have any competitors is absolutely incorrect. Just because there aren’t any

AROUND THE WORLD

UNISA

FROM A VILLAGE BOY TO AN INTERNATIONAL SCHOLAR YOUR STORY COMPETITION WINNER: Eric Ndeh Mboumien Ngang

I come from Cameroon in the West of Africa, and I am part of a typical African family with four siblings and a closelyknit cluster of extended family members. Recollections of my childhood school days are more about whether I would ever have the opportunity to complete primary school and less about secondary and high school; I constantly admired other children from affluent homes, who were sure of having it all.

Today, it is amazing that with hard work and commitment I have been able to overcome that childhood fear. Assisted by a number of scholarships, awards and some meagre family support, I am happy to be the first member of my family to have attained the highest level of education, thus setting a pace for my siblings and the rest of our family. The most amazing moment for me has been the awesome opportunity to leave my country to study for a Masters in Environmental Management and Sustainability in Australia, for 18 months. I have had the most amazing experience from the time I left home and the period I have spent in Australia â&#x20AC;&#x201C; especially the issues of punctuality, the people and the culture, use of slang, and being an international student.

Story continued page 52

EDITION 1 WINNERS: Your Story: Shey Wei Soo (1) pictured with UniLife President Arun Thomas Photo Competiton: Hilda Cahyani (2) pictured with International Student Representative Kim Chau

BEFORE ARRIVAL IN AUS In Yaounde Nsimalen International Airport, Cameroon – my point of departure – there was a fivehour delay followed by another hour delay at the Nairobi Airport – the transit point for the flight out of Africa. As soon as we landed in Dubai International Airport (UAE), we were just in time to catch the next flight. We arrived and left Melbourne for Adelaide at the stated and precise time, arrived Adelaide at 10:58am with the flight due to arrive at 11:00. I went through customs checks, picked up my bags and the gentleman from my university was there with my nametag, ready to pick me up. How relieved I felt. I vividly recalled my past experiences travelling in Africa for work-related issues and waiting at airports in Nigeria and Kenya for six and ten hours respectively while the responsible person did not show up. IN AUS Sleeping during the first few weeks was challenging given the 9.5-hour time difference between Australia and Cameroon. I often found myself sleepy in the afternoons, during the time I should have been deep in sleep back home. I basically spent most of the nights wriggling in bed, reading, with erratic sleep. HOUSING The University found for me temporary accommodation for five nights and I had the responsibility to find a permanent accommodation for the duration of my stay. With some friends I met during our introductory sessions, we were able to find house with shared facilities. It was an interesting and new opportunity for me to live with others and to share the facilities. The landlord was ready to take us (four Africans) in quickly, I guess because we had been issued letters from the University that we were supported with a fortnightly stipend to cover our expenses including the rent for the period of our study. FINDING MY WAY AROUND I hated reading/interpreting maps as it was part of my geography lessons in secondary school. I realised this was a necessity for me in Australia to get around. To me, Adelaide was well-planned with maps everywhere in the city, with legends to help anyone get around. I realised my friends who were here two days before I arrived had done a lot of work in knowing how to get around, taking the buses and the trams, and paying visits to some attractions offered by the city. I stuck with them a couple of times, went to the malls, ate together, and took the trains and buses. Then I decided to start myself. I got a map and went out to the city, got myself lost a couple of times and used the maps to find my way back to a reference point which I kept. Sometimes I found myself going round the same area as it looked strange to me, but finally I was getting used to Adelaide – especially the spots would often use during my stay. There were well-set dunnies - I mean, toilets – all around the city, and there are public drinking taps for everyone – not the type built in Cameroon, but something that will make you feel the urge to quench your thirst.

THE PEOPLE AND INFRASTRUCTURE

STUDIES

There is room for everyone: the blind, the lame, the deaf and the disabled – including people using wheelchairs. Everything is built taking into consideration everyone’s needs from roads to gardens, lanes houses, parks, sports facilities; I mean everywhere and in everything. The people are nice and good. A few occassional squizzes – I mean, small looks – from people, but everyone seems to mind their business. I realised all I needed was a little confidence, assertiveness, belief in oneself and to be sure as possible about myself and where I come from when I had the opportunity to speak to anyone. After all, I work very hard too and impressed the interview panel to be here.

Meeting the International Student Officer, it was reassuring to hear how things will run. When I visited the campus, I remembered with fear my first day at the University of Buea in Cameroon where I did my undergraduate studies. A few questions ran through my mind: shall I be standing again with thousands of other students in long queues for days to sign up courses, to get a medical check and end up sick after days of no success? It was very assuring to know that the systems were all computerised and I could sit in my room with internet, sign my courses and fix my timetable, and make appointments to see a doctor for a medical check. Wow! Aussie.

On a Friday soon after I arrived, I tried some nightclubs with a few colleagues from Africa. A few inquisitive eyes gave us a squizz, but we integrated, we drank with the white folks, danced with them; a few moved away from us but we were in the game. It was a good welcome.

I am left with a few months to finish my studies and return home. I shall be a centre of attention as I return back to my community, and I am looking forward to taking all the experiences I have had in Adelaide to share with my siblings and other community members.

SHOPPING

Oh, sorry, I used a few Aussie slang words, something which I have come to admire about Australians – squizz and dunny for a small look and toilet respectively. I came from home with one I learned from Michelle Hein, my Australian friend working with a local NGO in my region in Cameroon: chooks, referring to the chickens she found everywhere in the community.

Coming from a very rural set up where shops are not as organised, I faced some challenges shopping as I did not understand how the system worked. One experience I had was wanting to get apples for myself and not taking the time to read what was written on the fruit stands ($3.5/kg), I grab one apple assuming it was worth $3.5 and moving to the counter for payment. It actually took me some time to fully understand how it all operated. However, I am now an experienced user of the system.

Photography_ Julia Mary Sniatynski

ART LIFE

YOUR STORY RUNNER-UP: Pei Jie Lee

After a few years working in finance, I decided to take a break from the corporate world and enrolled myself to study Visual Art at UniSA. This is the biggest decision I have made in my life and I believe it will be a life-changing experience. My first impression of Adelaide is the friendly and diverse population. I love the artistic energy of this city with the many summer festivals and art galleries. It is an inspiring and humbling experience to see various artists who are deeply passionate performing at the festival. Last Sunday, I went to a free workshop at the Art Gallery of South Australia where I painted with lots of other people to recreate a huge Turner painting. The finished artwork is huge: 2.9 metres high and 3.6 metres wide. It is not a perfect masterpiece but I can’t help but be amazed when pieces are put together and they just fit. Thanks to the organisers Luke and Mary, and of course all the artists who put their heart and soul into this piece. (See attached photo courtesy of the Art Gallery: Inspired by J.M.W. Turner’s Scarborough town and castle.) Today I attended my department orientation. We did a workshop to create masks from paper. It was really fun and I felt like I was a child again, seeing everything in a new light with amazement. I am impressed by the passion and dedication shown by the lecturers.

INTERNATIONAL STUDENT

PHOTO COMPETITON 54

It was a nice sunny day when some friends and I decided to go to Victor Harbor. When walking around enjoying the nature and the old harbour, we saw a couple of big rocks near the cliff. One friend and I got really excited. My friend is energetic and adventurous. She was the first one to climb the rock. It was a bit harder for me to climb up, but with her help we finally reached the top! This day reminded me about two things that I like about Adelaide: adventure and friendship!”

k Bo

ER fi tef N WINN S a O

I elin MPETIT g n CO

AMSTERDAM: FILTHY AND BEAUTIFUL Writer_ Bridget Fahey Hodder

The most notable thing I found about Amsterdam was not the red light district, although that certainly did get my attention, or even the vast amount of bicycles. Most notable was the public art displayed everywhere. Some sprayed on by the likes of Banksy or Space Invader, some displayed in residents’ windows (I saw a mannequin dressed as Superman staring out of a window, watching the passers-by), and some commissioned by the government. As my partner, Graham, and I would board the train to get into the city, the train carriages had many different designs printed inside. One carriage was a bizarre collage of grey photos that had a sad aura of WWII. Another had illustrations of different coloured mineral rocks. Even the bicycles were works of art, which as an English ex-patriot explained, was a great way to spot your bike if it got stolen, which happened far too often. It wasn’t just the inner city where you’d find Amsterdam’s unique blend of surreal imagery and love of colour, but in the suburbs too. Graham and I were staying in a caravan park called Lucky Lake, which was 40 minutes out of the city. When we arrived at the front desk, placed inside a small wooden hut, the first thing that we noticed was a striped, scaled to actual size, paper mâché hippopotamus guarding the front door. When we walked inside, the polite, tattooed Irish man who served us complimented our accents and showed where we could get food, toiletries and bicycles. He then proceeded to show us to the caravan where we would be sleeping for the next five days. There was an outside kitchen with a small bar fridge,

oven, barbecue and speakers set up, and next to that, a large caravan had been painted in rainbows that Graham could only describe as “unicorn vomit”. It also had a bust of Batman painted on it, telling tourists that the caravan was the park’s cinema. All the residential caravans were painted pale shades of blue, pink or green and had two wooden clogs nailed besides the door with a number on it. Our caravan was baby blue. After we unpacked, we explored the grounds and found more paper mâché animals including a purple zebra and a polka-dot gorilla. We then hired a few bikes and rode towards the lake from which the park had taken its name. While admiring someone’s back yard, which housed a pair of pet goats, I almost ran into a dinosaur. I gazed up at the figure and found it to be a statue of a velociraptor. The raptor’s head was raised mid-roar and it was posed as though it was chasing after prey. I wondered if the owners had got this statue from Jurassic Park. Out of its open mouth dangled a single star, probably a forgotten Christmas ornament. After our bike ride we took the train to town and visited Anne Frank’s haus (as it’s spelt in Dutch). The line went around the block, but 20 minutes later we were inside. We entered through a pair of electric sliding doors into a modern front office to buy our tickets. Then, we walked through a long cement hallway that led into what appeared to be the living room of the house. The room was old, wooden and physically sad. It was as if what had happened to the family had seeped into the fabric of the place. I was impatient for the history;

I went straight for the famous bookcase that concealed the other parts of the house. Graham liked to savour what he saw so he let me rush ahead. As I climbed the staircases, a small pang of fear grabbed me – the stairs were very steep and loud. Whatever paint had been used to colour the stairs had flaked off from years of tourism. However, there were occasional specks of red on the railing. I entered the top room; it was decorated with yellowed wallpaper, patterned with little black flowers. Parts of Anne’s diary, a collection of school books, were placed about the rooms, open in display boxes. Most of the top rooms had the same wallpaper, but the room which Anne stayed in had a collage of illustrations and photos pasted to the wall. The collage consisted mainly of the faces of smiling women, or playful kittens. Graham joined me as we wandered the rooms, tears occasionally threatening to make an appearance. An interview with Otto Frank was playing on a TV screen in the corner of the attic. Sadness was etched upon his face. A few steps towards the attic hung a famous photograph of Otto Frank standing in the very same attic. It was dated 1960 and claimed that he hadn’t come back to the house since the Nazis took his family away. As we exited through the gift shop, I noticed a graphic novelisation of Anne’s diary, and it was the first time I found art inappropriate.

GENERATION V Writer_ Amber Archdale

Image Provided by_ Amber Archdale

My name is Amber and I recently took part in a World Vision Global Citizens Experience in India. I was given this opportunity through VGen, which is the World Vision Youth Movement, and I am currently starting a VGroup at UniSA. I wanted to go to India because I wasn’t confident talking to people about global issues such as poverty, overseas aid, fair trade and child and maternal health. However, while I was there I learnt far more about the work that World Vision does in developing nations. World Vision is divided into field and support offices. Australia is a support office, meaning they send help, and India is a field office, meaning they ask and receive help from the support offices. In each national field office they identify the areas of the country where there is the most need for World Vision assistance. These areas are called Area Development Programs (ADP). Within each ADP, there are projects that work in specific communities on specific issues. The communities that we visited were all selected because they had a high amount of child malnutrition and the highest rates of poverty. A project addresses the most pressing issues, such as sanitation, education, female empowerment and child malnutrition. However, in most of the communities that I visited, they mainly presented us with the positive influences that World Vision has had. One of the only communities that we visited that didn’t have a 100% positive story to tell was the Delhi Child Restoration Project. We were told beforehand what the living conditions of the children were before World Vision started working with the community. Everyone lived on the

streets, and many of them – including the children – were on drugs. The sad thing was that some families in that community preferred to live on the streets, and children often relapsed into drug-use. What was worse was that no one in the community seemed to love each other. After visiting that community everyone in our group cried. This is something that I am sure will stay with me for the rest of my life. That project also massively changed my attitude towards people in my life who have not had the loving upbringing that I have had. One of the most inspiring aspects of the trip was some of the women that we met. Women in Australia have a lot of amazing opportunities — for example, our entire group was comprised of girls except for one of the group leaders — but in India many aspects of society are still dominated by men. It’s not even common for women to drive. World Vision implemented education programs for both men and women so that now women are allowed out of their homes, and some of them have even started their own businesses — albeit small cornerstall kinds of shops. Groups of women in each of the communities have started things called Self Help Groups (SHG). Each woman puts in a small amount of money each month — 50 to 100 rupees (80c – $1.70), which equals a quarter to a fifth of their wages — and together they open a bank account. This means they can lend money within the group instead of borrowing from loan sharks that they then can’t pay back. For a lot of those women, just the prospect of having a bank account was exciting and new. Hearing all of this, I was extremely grateful for my life in Australia.

THREE WEEKS OF CULTURAL WONDER

Writer_ Sage Othams

Image Provided by_ Sage Othams

“You hit the jackpot,” one of my colleagues said to me as we concluded our three-week Endeavour Language Teacher Fellowship to Dalian, Liaoning, China. She wasn’t wrong. I had the most amazing experience, full of challenges and rewards, as I participated in the intensive language program interlaced with cultural experiences aimed to strengthen the abilities of aspiring and practicing Chinese Language Teachers. But the jackpot that she was referring to, and probably one of the most influential aspects of the program, was my homestay family. Going into the three-week program, beginning with an early flight on January 1st, I was surprisingly nervous. In particular, I was worried about the homestay. What would my host family be like? Would I get on with them? How would I cope with having forgotten so much of the language since graduating from the Diploma of Languages? I need not have worried. Out of the 18 participants on the tour, I seemed to have had the best experience with my homestay family. Although I only spent five days with them, I came away feeling as if I belonged; that I was a member of the family. They took the utmost care of me, each day driving an hour to drop me off and pick me up from class. Each night they cooked a banquet of local seafood delicacies and some of my favourite Chinese dishes. Yi han, the 9 year old daughter who affectionately called me a-yi (Aunty), would take great pride in helping me with my homework before having it checked over by both her parents. Needless to say, my Tutor commended me on my homework which was “almost as if it was written by a Chinese person themselves”.

Each night we watched a local TV soapie called First Marriage, Then Love, a custom that also rubbed off on my roommate as I continued to watch it on my return to hotel accommodation, under the guise that it was beneficial to my language learning. When I wanted to buy resources my host mother would know exactly where to go and when I needed another suitcase to accommodate my new purchases she helped me barter one down to a decent price. Even after my homestay had finished my family continued to pick me up from our accommodation and take me out for meals, dinner with their parents, or out to see the local sights. More than anything, my homestay family reminded me just how generous Chinese people are and how many different aspects there are to a culture. Culture is not all about the food, the decorations or the holidays. Neither is it about the fashion and the games. It’s so much more than that. It’s removing your shoes at the door. It’s putting food in your guests’ bowl each time it appears to be empty to ensure they are not hungry. It’s making sure you use both hands to present a business card instead of one. It’s putting on costumes and sequins to stage a huge show when guests attend schools, or holding official welcome and closing ceremonies in which the guests are expected to perform. It’s also these sorts of things that most teachers of language do not think of when they are teaching. Having said this, we did have many opportunities to experience more commonly perceived aspects of Chinese culture. We were instructed on dumpling making by our cafeteria chefs where I learnt, not so successfully, how to roll pi (skins), and varying methods of pinching

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GLAMOUR IN NEW YORK CITY

Writer_ Natarsha Elle Kallios

Image Provided by_ Natarsha Elle Kallios

It’s not every day you get to walk around New York City dressed from head to toe as a mock-up of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s – and I got to do just that. New York City, where do you really begin? The Big Apple is labelled “the city that never sleeps” and “the city of dreams” – and the cliché delivers. Prior to visiting New York City I was and still very much am an Adelaide based writer and journalism student. Post-New York City I was “the Australian journalist and model from Fifth Avenue” – doesn’t it have a ring to it? In 2011, I was lucky enough to network with a woman named Elena Mazza, arguably one of the most inspiring and influential women I have ever met. She put my name out there, and within a couple of months I was writing for New York City-based publication Millenium Magazine. I booked the trip and that’s when it all really began. On our second day in New York, my partner Nourdine and I attended the East Meets West Parade where Little Italy and Chinatown merge into a multicultural cluster of dancing and singing. At 7pm, Elena met us. I embraced the woman that I had only ever dreamed of meeting. We spoke, we ate, and then we drank and drank some more! “You have a photoshoot on Thursday and a published shoot on Friday,” she told me. I just couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. Read the full story online: unilfemagazine.com.au