Chapter 9

Chapter 9Integrating the shadow

Illustration: Tahnee Kelland

“The opposite of connection is trauma. We all suffer somewhat in the journey deep within our bodies to a system that is unequal, covertly and subtly oppressive. How do we ‘do’ our vulnerabilities in a society that promotes shame? Shame is the fundamental part of trauma, with embodiment and connection being the opposite of the spiral of shame. We mirror-neuron each other’s nervous systems and need heartfelt connection to feel okay within our bodies, and can heal individually and within relationships.”

— Kate Schubert, Embodiment Psychotherapist

As long as the Sun shines, there will always be shadow. We can continue to perpetuate our own suffering as we remain caught up within the painful stories and patterning of our past. The suffering of our past inherently lives deep within the body, closing down and barricading off the heart and access to our deepest sensitivities and gifts. As human beings we are wonderfully paradoxical, in the same way that the Universe exists as yin and yang all in the one. Our nature can tend to want to avoid pain and discomfort from the most basic to the deepest of levels, but in our avoidance we are inherently resisting what is unfolding within the present moment. This is a part of our nature, and it is through the shadow itself that we learn acceptance and letting go again and again.

The most tender and vulnerable expression of our emotions as children — or at some point within our journey — somehow has not been held, seen or supported. And so we learn false stories about ourselves through the capacity of our parents to hold space for that particular feeling. These stories begin to layer on top of our true essence. The irony is that this very process of forgetting the truth of who we are — and why we came here — is a necessary part of the remembering. We must learn what we are not in order to then know who we truly are. This process is never ending.

Within this chapter, we work with the Nodes of the Moon and Chiron within the chart to uncover the deepest challenges your soul chose in order to remember who you came here to be. I want to be clear that there is nothing that we could ever do to deserve the level of infl icted pain that some do endure within their lifetime. This part of Evolutionary Astrology is not to dismiss the experience of very real pain and suffering infl icted upon some. It is instead a wonderful tool and offering in order to feel into harder qualities brought in with us — or acquired through our earliest life experiences — this lifetime to work through and overcome, and to light the unknown path of our own highest truth.

Any intensity, sharp edge, or shadow manifestation is simply truth bubbling up to the surface, normally in an unacknowledged way. These are the signposts that show us where a letting go process may need to happen for our highest evolution. This is also how we can use story and build narratives that perpetuate suffering through attaching experiences that have not been truthful to our deepest evolution to who we are as an identifi cation. I hope you enjoy this tender and expansive journey into shadowy terrain. May you fi nd the same love and compassion that you feel toward the parts of yourself that you love, here within the grittier, messier and most intense parts of your human experience. Our wounds are truly magic and hold the key to our deepest gifts. Our wounds have the potential to deepen our connection and compassion for others, through moving through and being shaped by our own very real felt experience of our own wounds.

Illustration: Getty Images

MOON SUN

CHIRON THE SOUTH NODE THE NORTH NODE

The Nodes of the Moon (symbols here of the nodes)

The Nodes of the Moon are energetic points in the cosmos formed by the Moon’s (soul, past and subconscious) orbit around the Earth, which intersects with the Earth’s path around the Sun (ego, identity and lifeforce). The intersecting points are called the North and South Node of the Moon. They are always exactly opposite to each other, and hence your Nodes will always be in opposite signs. This part of your Natal Chart depicts where the Soul’s past meets the present incarnation.

The Nodes are an extension of the Moon energy, and in turn the deep subconscious programming received within our earliest life experiences and in our past life incarnations. It is the timeless karmic lessons carried within the Soul, chosen for this lifetime for our greatest evolution. They offer us our greatest path to ascension through holding the information carried from times before this, on an energetic and cellular level.

If we feel the Moon’s energy and its effect on the ocean’s tides, we can also feel the vibrations of the past carried within the Moon through our emotional and energetic bodies — given our bodies are made up of a large percentage of water. Vibrationally the Moon rules our deepest emotional Self and the old patternings carried through into the present moment from the past. The Nodes of the Moon take this further, through the South Node giving us the energetic quality of what is familiar and known to us from past experiences and incarnations. Entering this lifetime, we may have no conscious memory of times before and yet we hold unresolved issues within us.

Illustrations: Getty Images

We are drawn back into these patterns within this lifetime as they can feel deeply recognisable and safe, as they are familiar. It is the comfort zone, where we can tend to re-live negative experiences and circumstances that lack deep soul liberation and freedom. The South Node could be said to be the unconscious limiting beliefs we have inherited and have indirectly run our lives without our conscious awareness.

The North Node is like the unpaved yellow brick road to our Soul. We chose the energy of our North Node in order to move into the unfamiliar; the territory of our greatest truth and expansion. It is through the development of conscious presence and awareness of our own patterning that we can begin to uncover and work through the old limiting story of pain carried within our South Node.

It can feel very uncomfortable and new to us, through only ever knowing a particular story of way of being before. There is a deep longing and persistent urge toward our North Node, where our Soul wants to take us. We may face a great level of discomfort and shadow through building our North Node energy, and integrating it within our lives. In yogic terms the North Node is our Dharma or deepest Soul’s purpose in this lifetime.

The Soul’s purpose is not a job or a role within the societal structures. It is something much deeper; a sense of belonging, deep fulfi lment, and knowing that comes with being on purpose and knowing the path of our own truth. Where the South Node is an extension of the Moon, the North Node is an extension of our Sun energy, our true essence. When we begin to work consciously toward our deepest purpose, we may have the feeling of being supported by something greater as we take big leaps into unknown territory. We start to feel as if we are co-creating our lives, that we do not have to bear the heavy load of the old story of our existence any longer. We no longer feel alone and stuck to the physical plane alone. We can realise we are much more than that.

When we look at our South Node, we consider the shadow side of the sign energy it falls within, as well as the house positioning to give the past a little more context. The sign links us to our prior personality, and the house links us to the outward circumstances we may have found ourselves in. We can understand our South Node energy further through looking toward the planetary ruler of the South Node sign. This uncovers another extension to the past issues and circumstances, as we have been uncovering within the rest of the chart.

We look to the higher manifestation of the sign which our North Node falls within to begin to understand and remember why we incarnated within the human form. The way out of the South Node is through feeling and understanding the North Node energy, as well as the house it falls within and the placement of the ruler of the North Node sign. The sign describes our deepest intention and energy to be experienced within this lifetime to experience our deepest liberation and sovereignty. The house describes the energetic terrain; where the unfolding of our North Node may play out the most. And the placement of the ruler acts as a deep support in our expansion into the North Node energy.

One we understand our own North Node through the sign, house and the sign’s ruler, we can begin to deepen our relationship with the Universe, calling in the particular people, circumstances and experiences that we must have in order to start to embody the quality of the energy as the elixir for all that has been deeply wounded in us in the past. Overcoming the South Node can be a lifelong process for many of us, no matter how conscious we are as human beings. But it truly does help to know our own nodal axis as an expansion point, and somewhere to constantly refer back to and refl ect upon. We have incarnated into human bodies, and therefore we experience the tenderness in being human. We have come back to something left unfi nished and have taken on the mission to transmute this. We must be gentle on the path in order to truly liberate ourselves through the North Node.

I hope that exploring and understanding your own Nodal Axis empowers you in the deepest of ways, to realise that you are a part of something bigger than yourself and that you are supported in ways that we cannot ever conceptually understand.

Chiron – The Wounded Healer

Chiron was fi rst discovered in 1977, and is believed to have entered the solar system at a later time than most other cosmic bodies, trapped by gravity. It represents the feeling of the outcast who doesn’t feel they truly belong, and Chiron may indeed leave again one day from our solar system. Chiron is classifi ed as a ‘centaur’, neither comet nor asteroid, orbiting between Saturn and Uranus. This creates an energetic bridge between these two planets from the constriction of Saturn into the realms of higher consciousness with Uranus and the transpersonals.

Energetically, Chiron is a wound in which we bring into this lifetime on a deep soul level. This wound can create rocking and stirring circumstances which set us on the journey of healing. Chiron’s symbol within Astrology is a key, showing us that our wounds are the key to our greatest Earthly gifts. Realising our wound often takes experiences confronting enough to initiate the journey to liberation.

CHIRON IN THE NATAL CHART Our Chiron archetype shows us where we have deep wounding. Its energy has often been linked into the body and we can often experience Chiron uniquely through ailments and disease. When we can work with the archetype our Chiron falls within, we can learn to overcome our own unique wounding and align our thoughts to our higher path. It can also show us our own gifts and strengths through the body, and where we can meet the world and others with deep compassion and understanding in the wounds of life we have endured and overcome.

INTEGRATION – CHIRON It is time to pull up your Natal Chart once more. I encourage you to fi nd Chiron within your birth chart too. This is a core wound for us all within this lifetime, and is the key to our greatest gifts. If you would like to delve further into your Chiron, you can move back to Chapter 1 and read through the archetype and stage of consciousness that your core wound is within.

Chiron offers us all a wonderful opportunity to soften into our own humanness, with the reminder that we are all working through our own stuff within our existence — it is a constant and necessary process of unfolding. Our own shadow and wounding is the part of our incarnation that, when we learn to work with it with gentleness and compassion, can lead to the most profound transformation. When you look at the Sign your Chiron is within, can you feel into the ways that those traits and ways of being may be wounded? For example for Chiron in initiating Aries, there may be wounding around putting yourself fi rst and a lack of confi dence to take your own path in the world. The house that your Chiron falls within can show the area of life where the wounding may have come from. You may like to get out your journal and write about your relationship with that archetypal energy. Note if you have anyone close in your life with the Sun in that sign, and perhaps project out some of the wounded traits of the sign. Go gentle, this is a magical process to be uncovered in the vibration of tenderness.

THE NORTH NODE

THE SOUTH NODE

Integration – Discovering your nodal axis

Locate your North Node within your chart. If you are using astro-charts.com, you will be able to fi nd it listed. You may use the symbol of the North Node to locate its house. After you fi nd the house that your North Node is within, locate the ruler of the North Node. For example, if your North Node is in Scorpio, you will be looking for Pluto and its sign and house as an extension of highlighting the path toward your Dharma.

Illustrations: Getty Images

Within the direct opposite house will be your South Node, in the opposite sign. If you are unsure what the opposite of your North Node sign is, you can move back to Chapter 1. For the purpose of keeping it as simple as possible, you can locate and feel into your own Nodal Axis below as a starting point. The houses are very strong, especially with the Nodes of the Moon, in that they give us the context of where things may have played out in the past and where we can look toward in order to overcome the patterning and karma and expand into our deeper purpose.

For extra context and a deeper understanding, you may also like to fi nd the signs which correspond to the houses and read below as if reading for the houses. For example if your South Node is in Taurus, you can also read for the South Node in the 2nd house as it corresponds to the energy and qualities of Taurus. This is because the houses — the area of life that circumstances unfold within — can often be just as strong as the signs, if not stronger. To feel more into your unique past life energy, you can locate the ruler of the South Node, as well as the sign and house it is within. This doesn’t apply as much to if you are reading for the houses rather than the signs.

Welcome to the deep dive that will light the path of truth, empowering you to remember on the deepest of levels why you came here. If you do not believe in past lives you can read for your earliest life experiences and your childhood.

South Node in Aries – North Node in Libra

Or South Node in the 1st House – North Node in the 7th House You have incarnated with the soul memory of having to compete, fi ght and assert yourself in order to get by. There is a feeling of having potentially endured war-like circumstances and of having to embody the Warrior archetype — the need to fi ght to simply survive. Your understanding of the world may be inherently around the Self, because there may have been many reasons to protect yourself in past lives and to fi ght to survive. Through this deep learning of the personal, there is a feeling of the huge feat required of you to develop courage, passion and willfulness, in order to defend your right to be here.

You likely came in with strong will and deep courage, and it may feel hard to be vulnerable and let down your guard. There may be a natural inclination to feel as if you have to go through life alone and to look out for yourself with hypervigilance. You may be unable to think outside of yourself and consider others through past life experiences where you relied deeply on self-suffi ciency and not having anyone.

You have incarnated here with a deep longing to understand others and to learn how to be in support to, and supported by others. The particular growth required for this may be highlighted through wherever Venus is, the North Node ruler, within your Natal Chart. It is great that you can take care of yourself, but you are here to embody an existence that considers the dance between the yin and the yang, yourself and the other. This will take the willingness to let go of any selfi shness, stress and anger held from past experiences.

You may reach a moment in your life where a new felt sense comes through, where the reliance only on the Self can get heavy and a release needs to

happen. A deep feeling of loneliness, or of being misunderstood — of the accumulated layers that were your saving grace and protection — begins to initiate you toward your North Node in Libra. A huge part of this experience is a humbling and softening in what you may not yet know about yourself and the world around you, and a willingness to be shown other perspectives and new ways of being and thinking.

Love is the deepest intention for the Libra North Node, and the qualities you have incarnated to develop are soft, open, peaceful and joyful. It is through each new experience with another human being — where you are shown new perspectives — that brings a feeling of deep fulfi lment through cooperation and the middle way. The tender feeling that you have to do everything on your own to survive must begin to dissolve, and a deeper trust in others and in circumstances will develop. Awakening the North Node requires a deep trust and a willingness to listen to the deeper feelings coming from the soul rather than the known experiences of the past.

To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of love, joy and fulfi lment.

South Node in Taurus – North Node in Scorpio

Or South Node in the 2nd House – North Node in the 8th House You have come into this life with deep wounding around security and in past life experiences you were perhaps wound up in circumstances that kept you in control and in the material plane. This could have been something projected upon you through the intensity of your circumstances, or a deep fear of not having enough or being enough within yourself. There is a feeling that seeking comfort and the sensual aspect of life may have been a soul requirement in the past, as well as the reliance of the self within the physical world. We are speaking of very different times than our present reality and there is the possibility of the past life incarnations being fl avoured by the emphasis on survival and fulfi lling your existence through the senses, rather than the deeper callings of the Soul.

There is a feeling of coming in with a heavy sense of responsibility to the deeper callings of the Soul with the Scorpio North Node, after lifetimes spent out of the shadows and in the realm of materialism. Perhaps in a past life there wasn’t the choice to pursue your deeper power and passions, or your — or your family’s — tendencies and need for comfort outshone everything else. There is a deep need to reconnect with the inner emotional depths within this incarnation, and to take back your true power that was surrendered up for a security-focused existence within the past life.

Going toward the ruler of the North Node, Pluto, and the sign and house that it falls within will give even more context on how to light the unknown path of the soul’s deeper purpose. There may be a big sense of guilt or burden for having had to rely so heavily on others within past lifetimes. This can lead to coming into this life with a heavy sense of needing to fi gure it all out on your own, and to rely on physical things rather than asking others for help. The need to prove and show others that you are selfsuffi cient may be so strong that the quest to achieve overturns true vulnerability. This can be a really painful place to be and I really honour that.

When the Soul is ready to move toward growth through the North Node in Scorpio, there is the deep realisation that you must go beyond your own perspective and physical barriers. The urge to merge and go deep into existence with another is strong, and with this to learn true power through vulnerability and the willingness to be fully seen by another. This is a big incarnation of surrendering what you think the best way is into being open to being shown by the right people. The embodiment

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of the Scorpio North Node comes through learning true connection and a willingness to be seen as a whole person, shadows and all. There is a true depth that comes with moving toward this transformative archetype.

The deepest challenges may come through your most intimate relationships, where the lesson is to draw your own sense of stability and power from within. From this place of inner stability, and not needing to draw stability from outward circumstances, you can learn to stay in connection with your own experience and truth whilst merging with others on the deepest of levels. In the past perhaps you learnt to override your own feelings to keep a sense of material safety. You have chosen an incarnation where the longing to be deeply vulnerable and to feel deeply seen by others is immense.

To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of empowerment, vulnerability and connection. True power comes from being willing to be truthful and real with yourself and others in any particular moment.

South Node in Gemini – North Node in Sagittarius

Or South Node in the 3rd House – North Node in the 9th House You have incarnated in this life with a very busy mind and many different ways of being and moving through the world. You have the natural gift of being able to see and agree with multiple sides of the same challenge or situation, which deeply served you before. Because of this draw to understanding everything on the conceptual level, there may be a tendency to try to discover what is true about your own Self through social and outward circumstances. There is a tendency to be very overactive in the mind through the hypervigilance that perhaps developed through having to be open to so many different ideas and perspectives in past life experiences.

Your natural openness through the mind can create an oversensitivity to others’ responses and new information, which can very quickly overwhelm you before you have considered your own viewpoint. You can begin to awaken your North Node in Sagittarius through beginning to think outside of the day-to-day circumstances and thoughts, and acknowledge your deeper drive to seek the deeper meaning of life, and your own value and ethics system that you feel connected to on the Soul level. You have incarnated here to truly go on worldly adventures into other cultures and belief systems to connect with a deeper faith in the unfolding of it all.

What it is that you have chosen within this lifetime is to give the mind something meaningful to truly focus on, and to do this it has to be much bigger than yourself. You have the deeper drive to discover the truth of everything, but you must be willing to let go and be open to not knowing for a little while in order to go on this journey. Dropping what you know and being open to new possibilities beyond logic begins to connect you to a deeper purpose in life. A courageous inward shift needs to happen, from emphasis on changing outward ideas to the deeper inner voice. Placing more emphasis on faith and trust over logic is an expansive elixir to overcoming the South Node in Gemini for you. It can be far too easy to dismiss life-changing adventures through it being illogical.

Being naturally so open through the mind you may tend to miss your own inner visions. Working through the old familiar patterning from the past largely consists of trusting before things make any sense. This can save you an immense amount of stress and build up of mental pressure and keep you focused on your own truth. You can look toward your ruler of the North Node in Sagittarius, Jupiter, and its sign and house placement for more of a way out of the old mechanisms of overriding inner awareness with logic and hypervigilance to outward ideas and circumstances. Learning to work with your own intuition is the starting point of opening up to your expansion.

This will assist you in the development of confi dence and trust in yourself and your beliefs, and to continue on the path of discovery through education, travel and outward exploration. The journey of the nodes is a continuation of similar recurring themes throughout your life, so allow yourself to sit with this information but also know it is a process. In simply becoming aware of where you may have come from and why you came here, you are already liberating yourself on the deepest level.

To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of intuition, faith and confi dence. True power comes from listening to your intuition and moving in the unknown direction of your inward visions beyond logic or needing to make sense to others.

South Node in Cancer – North Node in Capricorn

Or South Node in the 4th House – North Node in the 10th House You have come here from past life experiences with a deep need for emotional security within family or close-knit groups. There is a feeling of deep emotional sensitivity which before realised can manifest as a sense of codependency and neediness of others. With this patterning it may be naturally very diffi cult to honour and acknowledge your unique emotions and feelings without reverting back to old habits and roles played within the family that do not deeply serve you.

Perhaps in a past life, family was so deeply important to you and you did not separate out from it. Within this incarnation it may be very diffi cult to accept a life without a deep closeness to a family of origin for emotional safety and security. Not getting along with your family members and not feeling heard by them can feel like a bigger emotional blow and struggle than anything else. You have incarnated here to learn how to be in charge and to take full responsibility over your own feelings and emotions. There may be a tendency to lean on the past and on family, far past the point of it being constructive and more for comfort. And so the North Node in Capricorn can begin to open up to you once you start taking the courageous steps to move forward into the world without the constant falling back into who and what feels comfortable.

There is a sense of taking full ownership over your own emotional landscape and fi nding a way to work with this in a heart-centred way, within the world at large. You have chosen a lifetime to be out in the world, feeling into your gifts on the level of life path and career. This can feel very unknown and uncomfortable, and so moving into your true expansion comes when you realise that your own sense of place and stability in your life path can only come from yourself. Nobody else can give that to you.

Beginning to understand the difference between sensitivity and responsibility is a huge part of evolving for you. Moving outside of your comfort zone means not relying on your moment-to-moment feeling only, and being able to develop a scope on the bigger picture and feeling over time. There is a true feeling of needing to let go and transmute any codependency in the past and through childhood in order to fully come into the full potential of your gifts. This is a big ask and takes huge courage and surrender. You have chosen this path in order to feel emotionally free as well as fi nding a more meaningful position within the world.

You can look to the Ruler of the North Node, Saturn, and its sign and house to gather more insight into your unique path to your greatest expansion. Pay particular attention to the way you end things and avoid closure emotionally, as this will come into play within the career sphere. You are called upon to create true discipline and to grasp what true sovereignty means when it comes to taking ownership over your own feelings and emotions.

Illustrations: Getty Images

There may be a lot to overcome through the problems experienced within childhood, and so I want to give you the tender permission that it is okay to choose yourself. Claim back your power and your true path. On the path to the North Node in Capricorn, it can be common to lose balance with friends and within your personal life. This is a part of it all and there will come a time when you will be ready to open up emotionally again at your new level of perspective and consciousness. Attracting friends that see you for who you really are on the level of the heart and not for your success is a key to your deepest contentment. To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of emotional ownership, creativity and integrity. True power comes from gathering the courage to move on your own path separate from where you come from, and to give yourself the opportunity to deeply discover and explore your own creative gifts and abilities.

South Node in Leo – North Node in Aquarius

Or South Node in the 5th House – North Node in the 11th House You have come here in this life with a natural ability to create joy and creativity around you and in the lives of others. In a past life the ability to perform and share your gifts to help and entertain others was a necessity. Because of this natural vibrance and energy that you had as a child, those around you may have praised you and expected that out of you in order to fulfi l them personally. You perhaps were admired or looked up to through being the fun, cheeky or clever one and become accustomed to it being the only way to feeling special and being liked. Perhaps it became an expectation that you continued to behave in this way in order to please those around you.

You have the natural gift of vibrant energy which brings people together and creates a sense of joy. But what happens when you need someone to lean on when you are feeling down or sad? There may be an overwhelming sense that you cannot be sad or show any other emotion around those you love and on the personal level with the South Node in Leo. There is a sense of the fun and happy version of you being called out from other people as you perhaps learnt that was the fastest way to love.

You have incarnated with the deep Soul mission to go from the need to personally please others and give others what they want, and into a more collective focus — fi nding who you really are within groups and missions that are bigger than yourself. In some way in the past, your talents served to protect you and keep you safe. Constantly being the performer and the artist can tend to create a sense of separation between you and others, which can leave you feeling alienated and alone on the inside. The way into your North Node begins when you can start to become okay with moving into ways of being and acting for the purpose of what is truthful for you, rather than what will make others love and accept you. The deep realisation that you are enough just as you are, without all the extra natural abilities, is an important part of the process of coming into contact with the more radical and revolutionary part of you.

Once you can drop into this deeper place of your own authenticity and uniqueness, despite what others think, you can begin to feel yourself thinking beyond the personal and going into the bigger picture. Your natural gifts will eventually fi nd their intended place within the group, moving the collective into the future. Becoming okay with rejection and not being liked by everyone is a big part of this growth process. In order to be able to think on the collective scale about greater change, you must start to let go of the smaller stuff. You can’t be worried about everyone’s thoughts and feelings, whilst also remaining aware of the collective energies. This can also help drop the sense of drama that can come with personal issues.

You do not lose your specialness once you become a part of the group. You are called to be gentle with yourself as you learn how to start to cultivate

honest friendships, outside of drama and the need for approval from others. Coming into the knowing that the Universe owes us nothing can empower you to take back your sense of authenticity and freedom, and to step into your true purpose of leadership beyond the personal. Looking to the ruler of the North Node, Uranus, and its sign and house can light your own way down the unknown path. You no longer have to make everyone feel good, and in effect can come into a much more integral place of truth.

To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of authenticity, freedom and evolution. True power comes from being able to drop the emphasis on what everyone else thinks, and to come into a deeper understanding of what feels best for you. We can be gifted at things and not necessarily enjoy them ourselves. You are called to get real with yourself for the good of the collective.

South Node in Virgo – North Node in Pisces

Or South Node in the 6th House – North Node in the 12th House You have come into this lifetime with a deep sense of stress, worry and anxiety, particularly around not feeling good enough or living up to unrealistic standards. There may be a lot of internalised guilt and shame around duty and responsibility, and feeling like you can never get things quite right. There is a feeling of perhaps having spent past life experiences in roles of service that hold a heavy sense of self-responsibility and perfectionism. Perhaps there was a lot of responsibility upon you in a past life incarnation to remain of service and so you have come in with this same sense of Selfjudgement and negative Self-talk. The archetype of Virgo also heralds anything to do with health and the body, and so this may give some context around the kind of work involved with in the past. Because of this, you may have come in here with a fi xation on health and the body, which can perpetuate stress of perfectionism or lack of perfectionism. There may be an overwhelming feeling that you will never know enough or you will never ‘get there’ with the South Node, and so the tendency to be overly mean and hard on yourself is immense.

You may fi nd that you over-analyse all aspects of your life to the point where it may cripple you. Tread gently through this now that you know it is something that is beyond this lifetime alone. There is a feeling here that can come with this, through perhaps feeling you have to do it all alone or fi gure it all out yourself. You can look toward where Mercury is, the ruler of the South Node, as well as its house as your own unique extension of this energy.

Moving into your own expansion through the North Node in Pisces will start to unfold as you begin to emphasise the imagination and the less tangible aspects of existence. The background fear of never getting anywhere in life is being called upon to release through deepening your connection with the spiritual planes of consciousness. You have chosen an incarnation where you learn to work with spirit and to learn to trust in something bigger than yourself. Through this, you can begin to heal the old tendencies of being over-critical of yourself. Creating ritual and routine around a spiritual practice, or anything that deepens your connection to existence itself will help you create a sense of being more at ease within your place in all things.

You can look toward the ruler of your North Node, Neptune, and its sign and house for more guidance around how to personally expand into your Soul purpose. Releasing all of the pressure off yourself to have to constantly be perfect and instead allowing a realisation of our co-creation with the Universe will allow a sense of being in support from the deepest place within.

To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of surrender, receptivity and release. True power comes from being able to

Illustrations: Getty Images

drop the need to constantly be the one to do everything or to perfect things and to come into a space of allowing yourself to receive, release and be supported by the Universe.

South Node in Libra – North Node in Aries

Or South Node in the 7th House – North Node in the 1st House You have brought in a deep emotional memory within this lifetime around relationships, and being defi ned by this relationship. Perhaps for many lifetimes you have co-existed and thought of yourself as part of a duo. There is a heavy sense of wanting to be liked by those around you, as your sense of life may have been highly fi ltered through the eyes of others. You have brought in this quality as your gift as well, through a kindness and consideration of those around you. However in past life experiences it may have become normality or even an expectation to be overly self-compromising and to give yourself away to make others happy.

You have a deeply loving nature and heart, however through the fi lter of your Soul’s past experiences, you may lack the natural discernment to be able to feel out who has good intentions. There are not many people as overly considerate as you are toward others. You have an immense ability to completely understand other people you are close to, and you have the gift of fully seeing and appreciating others. However there is the wound here of losing out of your own embodiment and needs through the other.

This is the wounding you have come into this life to transcend through the North Node in Aries, through learning to self-initiate and choose yourself. This is your lifetime to go on the journey of the Self, and to give yourself that space of discovering who you really are beyond externalities and relationships. The point isn’t to not be in relationships altogether, but to go through the journey of staying connected to your own true wants and needs — not losing yourself through the other. In past lives where you may have opted for your partner to be in the limelight, it is now your turn. As it is a natural tendency to overly support others, you may fi nd yourself choosing the sidelines as a comfort mechanism.

Calling in your North Node means becoming okay with being direct, independent and courageous. This lifetime it is your time to learn to fi nd yourself, on your own. Finding your own way without the assistance of anyone else is a transformational turning point. Integrating all of the higher qualities of Aries — willfulness, fearlessness and the Warrior archetype — can start to plant you into a sense of being able to initiate any path, in any direction you choose. Your own unique path to this can be further discovered through the ruler of the North Node, Mars, and its house.

To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of willpower, courage and autonomy. True power comes from knowing you do not have to lose yourself in order to be in a relationship, and that the circumstances in your life will support you once you begin to acknowledge yourself and your own path in the world.

South Node in Scorpio – North Node in Taurus

Or South Node in the 8th House – North Node in the 2nd House You have incarnated within this lifetime of having been pushed to the very edge within yourself. The South Node in Scorpio carries a deep intensity, and when we go back in history we can see that there was no shortage of those who were fi ghting for their lives within traumatic circumstances. There is a sense of coming into this life with a sense of knowing the depths of trauma that come with life’s much darker side of

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existence. This can be played out in many unique ways, but the undercurrent of energy with the South Node in Scorpio has a feeling of a lack of power and control.

You may have deep Soul memory of the power and control of your own existence being pulled out from under you, and there is a feeling of coming in with the feeling of needing to constantly emotionally fi ght for ourselves. There is a feeling of you having possessed some sort of power or gift that society may have shunned as taboo or evil, when really it was something that they perhaps wouldn’t understand. In the past there was a feeling of being deeply misunderstood through others’ projections of fear and intimidation onto you. We can feel into the times that women were called witches for simply being connected to intuition and the healing arts, and were burned at the stake.

There is a deep feeling of intensity that comes with this energy, which is where you can start to look toward your North Node in Taurus and the house it is within. This energy holds with it a sense of grounding, peacefulness and simplicity. Following callings into nature and working with the body and your senses can begin to create the sense of inner safety and security that was taken from you in a past life. Taurus is sensual, embodied and the North Node is here to call you toward re-connecting to your pleasure body and your enjoyment.

There is a feeling of coming in here for you with a sense of being really judged for your natural powers, and so the loss of your ability to enjoy and let go into the simplicity of life may be strong in you. You can gently begin to overcome the intensity of your South Node through beginning to reconnect with the vibration of the Earth and of nature, through coming back to the tangible and the sensual. Realising it is your birthright to feel joy and to feel safe to be yourself and in your body is a powerful elixir to the internalised sense of guilt you may hold.

Through looking to the ruler of the North Node, Pluto, and the sign and house that it falls within, you can start to understand your own unique invisible trail into your Soul’s greatest potential and expansion. For you, it is in and through the body. To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of sensuality, pleasure and embodiment. True power comes from taking up space and residence in your physical body and remembering that it is your birthright to enjoy your life and to feel safe as you are.

South Node in Sagittarius – North Node in Gemini

Or South Node in the 9th House – North Node in the 3rd House You have come into this lifetime with a Soul memory of being surrounded by people who were painfully strong in their dogma and belief systems. Perhaps you even came into this lifetime surrounded by this same dynamic energy, around what your parents or family believe in. The internalised fear that can come with being born into religions that you may have not deeply resonated with can be intense with the South Node in Sagittarius. There is a feeling of blind faith that can come with the shadowy terrain of Sagittarius energy. As children we can tend to place our faith into those supposedly more dominant and higher up than us within our close networks. And so with the sort of situations that your Soul has a memory of, you may not yet have had the awareness to question what was going on and the belief systems of your family.

There is a deep feeling of fear that can come with this energy and the past life experiences that come with it, as the dark side of it can relate to the elite or those supposedly up the top of the belief or education system taking advantage of those who have been made to believe in their version of a higher power. Of course, seeking out our own ethics and belief systems is a huge part of our authentic path and evolution here on the Earth plane, but this South Node comes with some deep shame around needing to now choose a different

path and to risk the possibility of being outed by loved ones or the system because of that.

The North Node in Gemini is beckoning you to your higher path of truth within this lifetime to learn to ask questions and open up your mind. There comes a point where you are ready to choose your own way, and to fi nd your own facts. For your deepest Soul fulfi lment, awaken the higher qualities of Gemini through being open to varying viewpoints and perspectives and to learn to make up your own mind. The deepest opening comes when you begin to realise that it is okay to have your own mind about things and that there is nothing wrong with you if a dogma or belief system held by your family of origin or those around you doesn’t feel right on a deeper level.

Looking toward the ruler of the North Node, Mercury, and its sign and house can further highlight your own understanding of the unique path to liberation. To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of open mindedness, variety and fl exibility. True power comes from giving yourself the deep permission to ask the right questions and to make up your own mind, trusting that the people who love you wholeheartedly will come into your life from this authentic place.

South Node in Capricorn – North Node in Cancer

Or South Node in the 10th House – North Node in the 4th House You have come into this lifetime with a heavy emotional memory of having a heavy load, burden or responsibility on your shoulders. There was perhaps a deeply rooted feeling in you as a child of being in a position of being highly accountable for others. With the South Node in Capricorn, the energy carried through from past experiences comes from a sense of being regarded as someone very important to the world, to the community or within a clan or family. There is a feeling of others feeling safe around you, that you are so reliable and that they can lean on you to carry the weight of all of their stuff.

Perhaps from this you have come in here with the sense of needing to be responsible for the safety, security and wellbeing of others around you, often beyond what is humanly possible. The biggest weight that you may feel is the sense of constantly worrying about or being hypervigilant to the needs of others and so you carry more weight than necessary. This truly may have served you in a past life as a necessity to survival, as others truly looked to you for guidance, comfort and direction. Whatever it was that you were doing or fulfi lling in the past was a very important and fundamental part of your community, and there is a feeling of it not even being an option to drop the ball or have a break.

In this life there is a feeling of being constantly scared of not living up to worldly standards and expectations. It is a very restrictive and contractive feeling, which is what made you so depended on by others before. There was probably not very much room for the tenderness and softness of your emotions, or perhaps for much of a personal life. Opening up to your Soul’s true expansion means for you to realise the importance of tenderness and emotional vulnerability. You have come back in here to walk the unknown path of fi nding what home and emotional security feels like for you. Looking toward the ruler of the North Node, Saturn, and the Sign and planet that it falls within will highlight your own unique way of opening yourself up to the North Node energy, and heal the South Node heaviness.

In this lifetime, you no longer just have to look after yourself. You are here to learn to soften into the sensitivity of the heart and live that path of feeling through your emotional landscape. The starting place for this could be practices and experiences that give you the permission to be supported by others, in order to have the companionship you deeply long for but perhaps don’t know how to soften toward

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it. In this lifetime you are here to return home to the feeling of yourself as love, as softness and as vulnerability. Go tender with yourself as you learn how to be supported, and take off the heaviness on your back.

It is time now to drop the need to strive and be overly responsible for others, which could have been your earliest life experiences in the world as it is what you knew before. It is time to learn to let go and expand out into the vibration of connection. To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of trust, surrender and emotional safety. True power comes from giving yourself the deep permission to ask the right questions and to make up your own mind, trusting that the people who love you wholeheartedly will come into your life from this authentic place.

South Node in Aquarius – North Node in Leo

Or South Node in the 11th House – North Node in the 5th House You have come here with a deep sense of being an outcast, and in some way not being accepted for exactly who you are. There is a feeling for you of bringing in the qualities of the rebel and the outcast through past emotional memory. The feelings that perhaps came in with this for you were deep frustration around not being truly heard or seen for your gifts and the sadness and stress that can come with that. With the South Node in Aquarius, there is more chance that you were shamed for qualities that were futuristic and actually really incredible and radical. You were cast out for going up against the status quo, the elite and the governments that go against the true intuitive ways of nature and the Universe. You may have been deeply intelligent and smart, as if connected to the waters of higher consciousness. And there is a feeling of being so deeply stripped bare, shunned and scrutinised for having your gifts. It was not because your gifts were wrong, it was because people could not understand them yet. This is unfortunately what so often happens when we experience being unique or different from the group and so this lifetime the path to your truest expansion unlocks when you begin to open up into who you truly are on a personal level. You came in to heal the intense amount of alienation and pain experienced within the past and to feel truly seen for your gifts and generosity of heart.

Looking to the ruler of the North Node, the Sun, and the sign and house it falls within can unlock your own unique way of opening up to this expansion. You have come in with a big task to learn to trust again, and to be able to drop the holding back and repression that has perhaps become a suit from the past for protection. It can all begin with the gentle offering of permission toward yourself to do exactly what it is that lights you up without the initial expectation of people needing to get or understand you. Eventually, when on the path of your own truth, you will start to feel the quality of the feeling of being truly appreciated and adored for who you are. And who that is in your essence is a deeply generous and loving being with so much to offer.

Coming into this life early on it may have felt diffi cult to feel whole or loved for who you are. There is a deep feeling of insignifi cance to overcome through opening up to your own creative gifts and exploration of life force energy. You are here to remember just how valuable, loved and worthy you are in your revolutionary and unique gifts. It is your time to bring in your ideas through a creative process and lens. Your originality is to be celebrated and without any apology. Finding areas of life you feel lit up by will be the way to healing and overcoming the South Node.

To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of celebration, self love and originality. True power comes from giving yourself the deep permission to surrender into being fully seen and appreciated, and through learning the power of knowing that those who do not accept you are simply not meant to be a part of your life for signifi cant periods of time.

South Node in Pisces – North Node in Virgo

Or South Node in the 12th House – North Node in the 6th House There is a feeling that you came into this lifetime bringing in an emotional memory of an extreme sensitivity to life, almost to the point of being energetically overwhelmed through anything unfolding within the realm of form. In a past life it is possible you lived a life which lacked boundaries. This could have gone one of two ways. One way is that you perhaps found yourself down some quite extreme roads, questioning existence itself through a darker lens due to your openness to all energy. This could have been through living a life on edges of disconnection with identity, through addictions and a numbness to what is going on around you.

This could have been due to your extreme energetic sensitivity to other realms of consciousness, and a lack of awareness around how to attune to it, protect yourself from the darker vibrations and work with it as a gift. The other way is that you may have renounced the world through living as a monk or a nun in monasteries or as a mystic or psychic. There is just the feeling that in a past life you chose to disconnect from the human experience and live in other, more formless realms of consciousness through imagination, escapism or choosing an existence as a healer or monk that had a schedule set.

So as a child your sensitivity may have been really felt and there is something to be said for how early life circumstances can put you into a state of denial or victimhood through the vulnerability of whatever played out upon your gentle innocence. You have come here to learn how to love and be in touch with your body on the most grounded level through the North Node in Virgo. You have come to channel all of your intuitive and psychic gifts into a tangible, boundaried and rhythmic form. It all starts with going down the path of coming back into residence inside of your body. You may have found that for different reasons and due to your natural sensitivity, that you vacated your body as perhaps the story through the environment that it wasn’t safe to be in your body.

You are here to learn how to protect yourself from the darker energies that use and abuse, and to create ritual and routine to create a sense of safety within the physical. You are called to the body through honouring and learning to work with your sensitivities, and your more gentle way of being in the world whilst also becoming more detailed and decisive. In the past you may have been victim to your circumstances and experiences, and there is a tendency for this to continue to play out until you make the empowered choice to take responsibility for your body and your energetic fi eld.

Moving toward your authentic path of expansion can begin when you are ready to see things as they truly are in form, taking ownership over all of your thoughts, and to begin to listen to the wisdom that comes through the body. It may almost feel like a process of energetic purifi cation, of pulling out all of the darker hooks of the past and calling in your protection and discernment. You can look toward the ruler of your North Node, Mercury, and its sign and house for your own unique path into your Soul’s truth. To integrate into your North Node, it could help to meditate around the vibration of discernment, purity and embodiment.

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