Be a Transgender

by Clémence Bouet

Abel is a 21 years old boy studying history in Paris. On the occasion of this edition about a controversial subject, he accepted to talk about his story and his feelings as a transgender.

“I like to play with clothes, I do it to express myself and have fun” that’s what Abel answered when asking him about his style. For him, people have to be really careful when they talk about gender: it is really important to not

confuse gender identity (the one you feel) and gender expression (how others perceive it) “I would define myself as transgender in the broadest sense, (…) I’m sure I’m not a cisgender man” he says.

A cisgender man (or cisgender woman) is a person whose gender identity and biological sex are the same, that is to say, to be born in a woman’s body and feel like a woman (or to be born with a man’s body and feel like a man). However, in some cases, people feel that they weren’t born in the right body or just feel uncomfortable with it. When identity and biological sex differs from one another, then we can talk about transgender. It is also necessary to remember that being cisgender is not the normality, but merely the majority. That is why it is wrong to talk about “trans-sexuality”, or “gender dysphoria” because this is not about decision or sexuality, only about gender.

Another recurring notion when talking about transgender people is sexuality “These two things are not related” he specifies. There is no universal rule: be a trans woman doesn’t mean that you are going to be attracted to men, just as a trans man is not necessarily attracted to women. In fact, it is case-by-case.

As for Abel, it is still difficult for him to understand sexuality as he has difficulty to definite what really attracts him. He likes to call himself pansexual, which means, loving people for their soul and not for their gender: personality takes prominence over gender and is the object of sexual attraction. “It allows me not to restrict myself, it depends on the days, my mood and my desires”.

Although Abel has a male reproductive system, he does not feel totally male, his feelings about gender identity have been evolving throughout life. Since childhood, he felt a gap with others: “I never did what was expected of me as a “proper” boy”. Abel never played football and he used to hang out with girls. All his choices and his behaviour spawned his exclusion from his male classmates. At that age, he never suspected that his socialization problem could be linked to gender identity, he knew that something strange was

going on, but couldn’t put it into words: “I wasn’t sad, but I felt misunderstood, strange, out of step”.

When he went to college, he started to take an interest in feminism and in gender question, what allowed him to theorize what he was feeling deep inside. It was at the age of 19 that he decided to move to Paris “I wanted to continue my studies in a bigger city, I was looking for more anonymity that could be more liberating for me, I mean, I had the weight of the others’ gaze in my hometown”. Once in the capital, Abel began to wear make-up, jewellery and sometimes dresses, which was for him a way to feel good: “My personality didn’t radically change with my appearance, I’ve remained the same person”. After affirming his new style, Abel did not experience rejection from his family or friends, “Rejected no, but misunderstood yes”, he acknowledges.

Difficult for his family and friends to understand why he was acting this way, or why was he doing this. However, he still feels supported by his loved ones and manages to live despite the questions he raises “It’s not so hard to bear”.

It becomes much less bearable when it’s about strangers’ gazing on the streets and acquaintances giving a disrespectful look and shouting insults. At these moments he doesn’t feel in the right place. “There are places that are inaccessible to me or in which I feel bad.” Nightclubs, bars, some neighbourhoods… basically, all places where there’s a cisgender male predominance.

In everyday life, Abel adapts to circumstances in order to conform to gender norms: looking for a job, finding an apartment, going to the doctor “I never go to a job interview with nail polish, for example, I know I’ll never be hired”. He has learned to live with others’ intolerance and to hide what he really is to be able to maintain safe living circumstances.

Abel has never experienced physical aggression and considers himself lucky, as he is aware of the number of assaults and murders targeting the transgender community. Trans-phobia not only kills several hundred people every year all over the world but also causes a variety of acts of violence and attacks. The most affected by those persecutions are transgender women who remain as targets.

On the occasion of the International Day of Transgender Visibility, the 31st of March, it’s really

important to take the time to inform ourselves about this topic.

Discrimination against this community must stop. Sometimes, people’s ignorance is the cause of their injuries. It’s difficult to eradicate transphobia in twenty-four hours but it’s easy to inform ourselves and educate others.

Please try to spread the love and tolerance to improve each others’ daily life.

Transgender pride flag

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