How to help women grow

You are not better

by Katarzyna Ciszewska

Why do we, women, take so much pride in thinking that we are better than other women? “I’m better than her. My face is better, my body is better.” - we are all guilty of these thoughts. Even without realizing we subconsciously make these assumptions. There is this part of our conscientiousness that continually tells us to compare ourselves, and the only way it will be satisfied is when we convince it that we are better. Even when we gossip, we tend to focus on other women’s appearances, whereas men might talk more about wealth and their competitors’ athleticism. Scholars agree that gossiping is an excellent way to learn about others and to enforce group norms. Then why do we like to bring other women down while gossiping? Where does this come from?

Feeling good enough

We all have our insecurities. Sometimes it is tough for us to feel beautiful, to feel like we are good enough. Even though we all experience that, it is not normal. Society wants us to normalize it by profiting from our insecurities and we

“These days more than ever, we should stand united”

are doing exactly what they want. By feeling bad about ourselves, we tend to put the same energy on other people, especially other women. Making them feel like putting on more makeup or losing more weight will make them acceptable in our society. That it will make them ‘enough.’ We stopped listening to our bodies, our thoughts because we already know that they are wrong. Instead, we start to listen to ‘influencers,’ ‘social media experts,’ or anyone with the ‘best’ idea of how we should present ourselves. That is a profit from our self-doubt. We start to believe that the problem is within us, and the only way to get rid of it is to fit into this patriarchal society. But just because the experience is universal, it doesn’t mean it’s how it’s supposed to be. We can not let ourselves drown in these thoughts.

“Giving other women love and appreciation will not make our beauty and self-worth disappear. I believe that helping people grow and flourish will only make us stronger.”

When we do, we spread them everywhere, and then it’s one big messy world full of insecurities and secret hatred towards everything.

Support over competition

So again, why would we not want to support each other and make our lives easier? I think the problem goes deeper than we might think. For thousands of years, women were forced to fight with each other for a man’s approval. They had to look perfect and pure to find a good husband who will love and take care of them. So understandably, the idea of always trying to be better than other women was implemented very early.

But we do not live like that anymore; we must not have this kind of mindset.

© silvanavdesigns

@silvanadesigns

There is much more freedom in simply appreciating ourselves and the people within us. Giving other women love and appreciation will not make our beauty and self-worth disappear. I believe that helping people grow and flourish will only make us stronger.

These days more than ever, we should stand united. We face hundreds of different struggles every day. If you add ‘being a woman,’ it makes it even harder. Lower pay rate, sexism, catcalling, feeling ashamed of our bodies – the list goes on. And not so long ago, we couldn’t even vote. Only the suffragettes of the late 19th and early 20th centuries made that happen. They stood united and believed that together they could change everything. And so they did. Why then, do we feel the need to compete with each other continually?

We are all beautiful

What has to change in our mindset is what does beauty mean to us. What does it mean when I meet a beautiful woman that may intimidate me? It should mean nothing. At least nothing for my self-esteem, nothing besides acknowledging and appreciating the beauty of another person. There is much more freedom in this. Of course, it is challenging. We all want others to admire us, so another woman is already a threat. We have to get the constant competition out of our heads. As history shows us, we are way more powerful when we work together, when we uplift each other, when we fight for the same cause. I believe that together women can make the world a better place. So let’s change our mindset. Believe in other women, believe their stories, support them, and help them evolve. We are way more than what our brain tells us.

© silvanavdesigns