“Stop being so emotional”

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What it is to be an highly sensitive person

by Elena Leiterer

To feel a lot

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These are just a few sentences people told me in the past, especially growing up. In these situations people mostly accused me of being too sensitive. Most of the time people reacted that way, if they thought my reaction wasn’t reasonable or too extreme. Not feeling understood can be a part of the daily life of a highly sensitive person. However, in fact it’s a trait that 15-20 percent of the population has and therefore affects a not insignificant part of the population. Nonetheless, in today’s society being highly sensitive is connected to many preconceptions.

Being highly sensitive can manifest in multiple traits. However, the scientific term highly sensitive Person (HPS) was conceived by the psychologist Dr Elaine N. Aron. According to her findings, highly sensitive individuals can be characterized by their sensitivity to environments and relationships. An HPS tends to be overstimulated by their environment emotionally and physically. Moreover, this personality trait can be linked to a low tolerance for violence and tension.

Negative prejudices about sensitivity

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Yet, high sensitivity is often related to high empathy and emotional responsiveness (counselling-directory.org.uk). It makes HPS form deep human connections and be more reflective of their actions. Empathy for other people’s feelings makes highly sensitive individuals also susceptible to other people’s moods. In addition, they are mindful of their environment, making them receptive to art and music and appreciating nature.

Overwhelming environment

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The most prominent part of being highly sensitive is the strong reactions to external influences (newharbinger.com). For example, HPs can overreact to sounds, smells or light. These reactions can seem inappropriate to others. This trait of my personality growing up, always had a negative connotation. Most people see sensitivity as something wrong and need to be fixed. Little physical harm or just having to pee on a long road overwhelmed me as a child and teenager. For the people surrounding me, this wasn’t easy either.

The feelings overtake you in a situation and become the only thing you can think about, for instance. People telling you to “get over it” doesn’t help. It just makes you feel like your reactions are invalid. For an emotionally sensitive person, other people’s emotions can significantly influence their mood (arcadiancounseling.com). In my experience, having fights with friends or seeing my parents fight was always very hard on me. When I would overthink every detail of a conversation, especially if others criticize me. So therefore, getting close to someone always means I will care a lot and probably get hurt, even by small things, even if they don’t intend to.

Besides this, highly sensitive people can learn to accept this part of themselves and also recognize its benefits. For example, being sensitive helped me in forming rich relationships. People I become close with told me that I am a good listener, because I remember most of the things people tell me about themselves.

Moreover I easily get influenced by other people’s moods. If the people around me are happy and calm there is a high chance, my mood will be influenced in a positive way. Therefore I can also gain happiness from other people’s feelings. However this empathy also includes negative emotions. When people I care about feel down, instead of finding a solution, it’s more likely that I will suffer with them. That part of being a HPS can be mentally draining. For that reason it’s essential to protect your energy when you are emotionally sensitive.

How to protect your energy

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A few strategies exist to cope with anxiety and stress caused by overwhelming emotions. These overwhelming situations mostly happen if an HPS doesn’t protect their energy. One of the most critical ways to shield themselves from triggering circumstances is to set boundaries. Setting boundaries can be challenging. It can mean turning down invitations where you know many people surround you. Also, recognize if a person drains your energy and keep your distance when it gets too much, and you feel your mood negatively influenced by certain people.

Besides, an HPS must distract you in moments of stress. The easiest way to escape your mind is to exercise. Moreover, it helps to put yourself in a calm environment, someplace in nature. Another strategy is to let out overwhelming emotions by doing what you like. High sensitivity can be connected to a higher appreciation of art. Playing or listening to music, drawing, or any other art form can help to release stress.

In general it’s essential to accept your feelings and validate them. A HSP has probably faced a lot of situations where people made them feel like their feelings are invalid. That contributes to an unhealthy image of how to deal with your emotions. Learning to accept this trait is the first step to protect your energy as an HSP.