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Daniel Ogunyemi, Dr. Clement Ogunyemi household FIRST.

Joshua Ogunyemi, Olaolu Ogunyemi As we look at point #2 - nipping sibling Unite Contributing Writers resentment at the bud - my “younger” sister and I had MANY spouts...I swore that she Background: We all grew up in the same was always upset with me (eye roll). As I got environment, yet have different perspec- older I began to understand that SHE was the tives--same teachings, different takes. Al- youngest for NINE YEARS and then all of a though we have encountered and sudden, this new baby had disrupted been forced to overcome her entire world. In adulthood, my adversity- from personal struggles to household is what most would call a systemic barriers- we still have hopes “non-traditional” or “blended” family. of creating the best of opportunities For the 1st 4 years of his life, it was for our children. In this blog, we will just me and my oldest son, Ethan. examine how our upbringing influ- Fast forward, his daddy meets a ences our leadership style as fathers girl, and a few short years later, he in today’s society. Daniel Ogunyemi is a big brother. I observed as he My creation and birth (Clement) would act out and I could deduce that were a result of the perfect storm: I was the he could not even explain WHY he was acting first boy; I was gifted with two wonderful older out. My experiences with my sister taught me sisters who were 11 and 9 years old at the time, the “WHY” and how to make sure that resentand I had TWO very nurturing parents who ment did not set in and that he did not begin to have been in my corner since day 1. As such, I dislike his fresh new baby brother. With this always knew that it was my birthright to inherit in mind, I can deduce that my first two interacthe Ogunyemi throne (LOL). I can recall, often- tions with humans other than my parents (my times, my mother calling out my oldest sister big sisters), taught me how to deal with differfor “trying to be my 2nd mom”, while trying ent personalities and to ensure seamless to keep my “younger” sister from killing me. transitions within the “modern” family These two experiences granted me a wealth of dynamic. knowledge about the structure of the family, “Put some food in your mouth!” our dad even more than I even realized at the time: would sternly interrupt, as we sat around the 1. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS look out for dinner table and one of us had said one word family ESPECIALLY your younger siblings and too much. “Putsomefoodinyourmouth,” he 2. Never allow resentment to set in between would rattle off, almost like it was one long siblings. word, anytime conversation was (let’s just say) If we look at point #1 - the nurture & protec- unbecoming. I now understand as I (Joshua) tion that my oldest sister SHOWED me cre- sit across the table from our 5 year old son ated a protective nature in me that only grew while his mouth runs at about 1,000 words per as I became a big brother three times over. minute. NO ONE - and I mean No one - could touch Looking back on it, Daddy (yeah, I still a hair on my little brothers’ heads. Now that call our daddy, “Daddy”) taught us a valuable I am a father of two, I am able to instill those lesson. I don’t know if he ever actually said same values & principles into my children. Our these words, but the phrase “put some food in mother used to always tell us that when things your mouth” (or whatever hilarious quote we hit the fan, when the world is in chaos, when derived from that phrase), taught us to MAKE the world turns its back on you, ALL we will YOUR WORDS COUNT-- to be thoughtful have in our corner is each other - and that’s and measured. He taught us to “think before enough! I have taught my oldest son that it is you speak, son.” and as our mom would put it, his job - his duty- to protect his baby brother “there’s a time and place for everything.” and to make sure that his baby brother feels Obviously, we were unaware of it then but the love, nurture, and protection from THIS a couple decades later, all of us echo their words to our own children. Though I’m sure our parents oftentimes preferred we would actually shut up and eat when they said things like, “finish eating your food FIRST, then play,” these phrases surpass the literal and have become metaphorical pillars in our individual households. These incredible lessons taught us to prioritize--PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST! As I reflect on that ageless guidance, I am excited to know that I am contributing to my own children’s success as I teach them to FOCUS ON THE TASK AT HAND. Though sometimes humourous, these experiences during our adolescence greatly contributed to our ability to lead and nurture our children today. Fathers, internalize this reverberating message, your experiences have given you everything you need to be successful! My brothers made sure that I had my share of adversity growing up (Olaolu). I was the fifth of six children, and in our family, number five just happened to be the odd ball--one and two were two peas in a pod, three and four were partners in crime, and number six was in a protected class known as “the baby.” With that in mind, I remember going to my Mom with what was probably one of 1,000 complaints about my brothers. I wanted vindication. I wanted revenge. I wanted justice! Instead, my Mom looked at me and calmly said, “if you allow people to know what buttons to push to upset you, they will always push those buttons.” Of course at the time, I did not understand or appreciate how profound that statement was, and I definitely did not expect to be teaching my children similar lessons down the road; however, life provided me many opportunities to apply this timeless advice. Simply stated, I believe one of the keys to overcoming adversity while pursuing opportunity is to master the art of conquering conflict. As a father, we have an innate desire to protect our children; however, I implore my fellow fathers to never waste a negative experience. Use them as teachable moments. Now I am not encouraging fathers to stand idly by, waiting to offload a lengthy lecture ripe with anecdotal phrases and clichés while their child gets pummeled, but I am encouraging my Continued on page 12