University Observer Otwo Issue Seven

OTWO

Issue VII

January 22nd 2012

Villagers on blaming ucd and musical orgies

plus !

Jason Byrne

talks funny bones The Joy Formidable chat defecating ducks Otwo Attempts... playing a MMORPG

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contents

Mystic Mittens’ Feline Fortunes

Page 2 – Regulars

Mystic Mittens removes any doubt over your future fate, Rebekah Rennick vents her anger at those status hungry Facebookers, and What’s Hot and What’s Not provides you with all the tools to ensure social success.

Page 4 – Hidden Gems

Emily Mullen has the low-down on record shops so hip even the hipsters don’t know about them.

Page 5 - Travel

Conor Luke Barry explores the deepest and darkest depths of the Irish landscape as he reports on his travels to Tory Island.

Page 6 – Games

Otwo chats to Monaco developer, Andy Schatz, and continues to spoil you with reviews of The Walking Dead and Skyrim: Dragonborn.

Page 8 – Film & Television

The Sessions and Oscar heavyweights Django Unchained and Lincoln are put under review, while Casey Lineham continues the theme with a look at that oh so famous film award ceremony, and Laura Bell talks about the dwindling originality of television.

Page 5 - Special Feature

Otwo has the pleasure of speaking to two comedians in this fortnight’s special feature; Michael Winslow and Jason Byrne talk all things comedy.

Page 15 – Music

Emily Mullen goes for a cup of tea and chats to Villagers’ troubadour Conor J. O’Brien while she’s at it.

Page 16 – Music

Interviews with Toro Y Moi, Egyptian Hip Hop, The Joy Formidable and Isaac Tichauer are topped off by the latest album reviews, a delightful column by the Heathers, and songs to make you feel disillusioned with New York.

Page 23 – Fashion

Discover how to master the intricacies of street style and learn all about fashion’s most gifted photographers.

Page 26 – Otwo Attempts

Laura Bell tries her hand at infiltrating the impenetrable sphere of World of Warcraft in this issue’s Attempts.

the

University Observer Volume XIX Issue VII Telephone: (01) 716 3835/3837 Email: info@universityobserver.ie www.universityobserver.ie

Taurus April 20th - May 20th This can and should be a really happy day Taurus. If it isn’t, you’ve clearly failed at something. You massive loser.

Gemini May 21st - June 20th Look after your romantic interests: be brave and speak up! If he isn’t willing to flush, it’s time to move on.

Cancer June 21st - July 22nd Do try to deal with things rationally and logically. Do not start hiding in the bushes outside your ex-girlfriend’s house, secretly plotting to kidnap her cat.

Leo

July 23rd - August 22nd You may be a little bit restless and out of sorts. Find out what irks you (student centre chicken sandwich) then get rid of it pretty quickly.

Virgo August 23rd - September 22nd Take some time to relax this week. Unless you’re an arts student that is, in which case, get a bloody job!

Editor Emer Sugrue

Scorpio October 23rd – Novermber 21st You heard about this horse-burger scandal midway through eating a burger. You didn’t stop eating. Because you don’t care about horses as much as you care about burgers.

Sagittarius November 22nd - December 21st Your New Year’s resolution of ‘winning the next Olympics’ was both vague and unlikely, especially since you’ve so far failed to buy runners.

Capricorn December 22nd – Jan 19th Be sure to pick the classes that will most likely lead to sexual intercourse, such as ‘The mating habits of the underachieving student’, a class that is in fact lectured by Sir Mix-a-Lot. Aquarius January 20th – February 18th Now that HMV is closed, where are you going to aimlessly wander around while it’s raining and you wait for friends to get into town? It’s a travesty.

Pisces February 19th– March 20th You will actually join societies this year. Then you’ll go to a meeting, sit through four or five in-jokes, and swiftly leave remembering why you hated them in the first place.

Staff Writers Stephen Connolly Niall Gosker Emily Longworth Michael O’Sullivan Evan O’Quigley Rebekah Rennick

Deputy Editor Aoife Valentine

Film Editor Casey Lehman

Art, Design & Technology Director Conor Kevin O’Nolan

Television Editor Laura Bell

Chief Designer Gary Kealy

Contributors Stephen Bance Games Editor Tadgh Dolan Steven Balbirnie Aaron Flood Heathers Chief Photographer Coire McCrystal Caoimhe McDonnell

Otwo Editors Conor Luke Barry Anna Burzlaff Music Editor Emily Mullen

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Aries March 21st – April 19th Your social life will present new opportunities. After an honourable mention on UCD Spotted you will enjoy one week of campus notoriety, following which you will return to your life of eating lunch with the ERASMUS students in the Tierney Building.

Libra September 23rd – October 22nd Sure, last semester was the largest cockup since the semester before that, but this one will be different. Now, find out who James Joyce is and point yourself in the direction of his library.

Chief Stylist Sophie Lioe

Special Thanks Guy, Colm, Orla and Rory at MCD Promotions, Laura, Chantal, Caroline and Amy at Universal, Ciaran at Warner Music, Katie Hughes’ baking, ChocDips, Puddles, Seamus and Oswald, Nerds, Slayer, the return of Suits, Girls and the pinnacle of cultural viewing: Tallafornia.

Not Thanks Snow not sticking long enough to be fun.

ARRRRRRGGGGHHH WHAT’S HOT AND WHAT’S NOT

whAT’S hOT AENGUS MAC GRIANNA

It restores faith in all that is good and pure to know that we live in a society which celebrates a news anchor for applying make-up on live television for 20 straight seconds, and then realising his mistake.

150,000 views have awarded Aengus Mac Grianna a quality feature on the Jimmy Kimmel show in the US, as well as a club night in Dublin’s Lost Society dedicated to him, which is something that he and Bruce Willis now have in common. Unquestionably the pinnacle of his entire career.

PETTYCASH

This is for those of us who’ve been out of money since we blew it all on sparkly, shiny things for the holidays, but who still wish to feed the cultural soul/get trollied in week one. PETTYCASH is a free spoken word and arts collective that takes place The Little Green café on High Street, Dublin this Wednesday 23rd, and promises poetry, performance and party; our three other favourite P-words.

CIGAR AFICIONADO MAGAZINE

This fortnight’s pick for best niche magazine is Cigar Aficionado, which boasts to have the literary world’s most extensive compendium of cigar-affiliated publications and celebrity cigar-enthusiast interviews. William Shatner, Bill Murray, Chuck Norris, Tom Selleck and Tom Berenger have all featured on the cover of the New Yorkbased bimonthly journal.

whAT’S nOT LABYRINTHINE CAMPUS WALKWAYS

Since Belfield has been experiencing on-going construction work since its beginnings as a University campus in 1964, the abundance of temporary detours and ‘student’ paths have changed with the turn of each new semester, to the extent that it is somehow still genuinely challenging to find a route that exits UCD. Akin to the nature of the moving staircases in Hogwarts castle, this is the nearest our education has ever gotten to Harry Potter’s, in the singularly most pathetic way.

HORSE MEAT

The recent scandal of equine DNA being reported in many Tesco beef burgers has ruined the good reputation that glue and gelatine have earned for horse by-products. Supermarkets would be wise to support a ‘more hooves, less flank’ policy to ensure consumers that the normal ratios of horse will be restored across all product lines in the future.

THE FORGOTTEN GLORY DAYS OF PROFESSIONAL CYCLING In the midst of Lance Armstrong’s agonising reveal of a careerlong doping scandal, cycling enthusiasts internationally have been mourning the demise of professional cycling’s Golden Era. The fleeting passion, devotion and outright zest that surrounded the sport in its dizzying heyday have now been committed to distant memory, poignantly embodied best in such artefacts as the Stephen Roche commemorative Galtee cheese tea towel.

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soapbox As the new semester gets underway, Rebekah Rennick wonders whether Facebook was the overcooked Christmas turkey this holiday season As the curtains fall on the last of the December days, the run up to Christmas and New Year is quintessentially one of quiet reflection, familial appreciation, midnight Mass with Granny and, this year, forcibly viewing every one of your Facebook friends’ business through a stale, sepia-tinged Instagram lens. Nothing says “Seasons Greetings!” like sifting through the false gaiety and attentionseeking world of Mark Zuckerberg’s online empire.

More notably than during any of my past holiday seasons logged in, this Christmas saw a sickeningly large portion of my fellow Facebook users feeling obliged to update us on many unimportant elements of their life. From such thought provoking insights as showcasing newly received iPhone 5s, to photo after filter-edited photo of nondescript Christmas dinners, the true meaning of December 25th slowly disintegrated before my screen-lit eyes. We are no longer entering the era of simple Facebook addicts, but instead, self-absorbed Facebook junkies, who, even to the most unperturbed person, will soon have you crawling for the ‘Log Out’ button before they’ve time to enlighten you once more.

Like many students, I’m quite the Facebook frequenter, but there was a time when you could practice the peaceful creep without making it your business to erase other’s business from your home page that made you cringe, grimace, laugh, cry, face-palm or all of those at once. However, nothing amounts to the personal exposure the yuletide brings. As I scrolled through images of girls I’m pretty sure were only loosing their baby teeth while I was sitting my Leaving Cert hitting the town, naggins in hand and skirts high, along with seemingly obligatory shots of presents, it began to dawn on me that the time of innocence and mystique about one’s life has become tarnished. These Facebook flashers were fueling the ever-increasing Nicholas Cage-esue freak out that was bubbling within me from the constant bombardment of things I just didn’t and still don’t care about.

Yes, I could just log out and never return to the dreary place ever again, but the eye-twitching annoyance of the site also plays an integral part in my communication with others. Absence from your profile for more then 48 hours triggers people into believing you’ve quite literally fallen off the face of the earth; vanished, poof, gone. Unless they actually bother to send an old fashioned text that is. Facebook is the pedestal on which we now place ourselves. It is Shakespeare’s 21st century ‘Great stage of fools’ and in more cases then not, I can’t help but admit we’re all infuriating, crippling annoying fools on this cyber stage.

So, next Christmas, for Bublé’s sake, I hope iPhones all lose internet connection, materialism takes a step back and everyone minds their own business. Because, after all, there is only so much face-palming a girl can take.

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OTWO

Hidden Gems: Record Stores With the closure of HMV, Emily Mullen explores Dublin’s music options and the record stores that make buying in person worth it

All City Records 4 Crow Street, Temple Bar. For those tired of the whiney moans of Conor Oberst or any self-indulgent Indie gobshite, All City Records and its legion of electro orientated LPs may provide some respite. This isn’t so much a Hidden Gem as a place to be seen, where those trendy people who frequent Pygmalion on a Friday night gather to discuss their latest trip to Berlin.

All City Records also happens to be the first stop shop for home-grown and international DJs alike. The big names playing the clubs that weekend can often be found on a Friday or a Saturday afternoon, trawling through the vinyl. Just remember should you run into one of them, stay cool and start talking about how the club scene in London has deteriorated; it will give you tons of credibility.

Tre n d i n e s s a s i d e, A l l C i t y Records does house the city’s most comprehensive collection of vinyl, which isn’t just confined to electro, including names such as Kendrick Lamar and A Tribe Called Quest.

All City also isn’t just solely a record store, it provides you with the tools to take part in other trendy activities, such as spray painting. Should you be looking to take your hipness up a level, All City is undoubtedly your first stop.

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The Secret Book and Record Store 15A Wicklow Street

Tower Records 6-8 Wicklow Street

This record store had to be included into Hidden Gems simply because its name fits in as snuggly as a pair of kid’s gloves. While it is not the best record store by any stretch of the imagination, it is well worth a little secret visit. Venture past the corridor of posters, follow the signs and low and behold you find yourself in a slightly chilly, den of books, CDs, DVDs and Vinyl. It is vaguely like walking into an extreme hoarder’s bedsit, one with impeccable music taste and a penchant for alphabetical arrangement.

The clientele are tourists and crusty old men, both of whom love clogging up the tiny corridors of the store. The record section is to the back of the shop. Most things are second hand or look like they should be anyway.

Should you manage to bear the cold and the sheer volume of tourists you will be rewarded with exceptionally reasonably-priced records. It can at times be a test of endurance but a well-strategised visit can bring huge record savings to any hard-core music fans.

Aside from being well-priced, The Secret Book and Record Store is by far the least pretentious of all these Hidden Gems. In a sea of skinny jeans and beanies, it can be nice to escape into a world of smelly old men for an hour or two.

This well-established bastion of cool, conveniently located just off Grafton Street, is the kind of place you walk by and regret not entering. With windows full to the brim with brand new LPs and zeitgeists of new artists who are soon to be previewing their albums in store, Tower Records is as enticing to any musos as stealing money is to bankers.

Tower is both the first stop for any music novices and the regular haunt for well-schooled music experts. The clientele range from old knowledgeable men in search of the latest Led Zeppelin re-release, to fresh-faced hipsters spending their pocket money on The xx’s Coexist.

Shop assistants are lovely and aweinspiringly tattooed, pierced and dyed. In terms of products, it has an unlikely range, providing a plethora of goods for both of the extreme types of clientele, as well as including the almost ironic collection of One Direction merchandise; headphones, cups and tees for those interested.

It is somewhat over-priced which is a drawback, but the shopping experience, the quality and quantity of products available take the edge off the price tag ever so slightly.

Elastic Witch The Twisted Pepper Building, 54 Middle Abbey St. The record shop Elastic Witch is picking up where the now infamous Road Records left off, located in the Twisted Pepper building on Abbey Street. Alongside a new barbershop called The Boxcutter downstairs and the café 3FE, the record store’s location is certainly prime. The social space also includes back catalogues and brand new releases alike, with a big emphasis upon Irish artists, bands and independent producers.

Live performances are also a permanent fixture in the store, with both unsigned and signed acts playing there regularly, as well as the odd art exhibition. It is in essence a creative space, designed to accommodate any artistic occurrence, from a chat about the A$AP Rocky debut album, to a full blown art extravaganza.

Elastic Witch’s staff are superb: passionate, helpful, knowledgeable as well as somehow being impossibly cool. Customers include a random spattering of bearded men and 1950’s time-warped ladies, who all seem to know each other. Possibly from lounging on the lovely couches for hours on end, talking hipster shite and sipping 3FE lattes?

TRAVEL OTWO

Travel: Tory Island, Co.Donegal Conor Luke Barry tries to blend in with the locals and partake in some mighty craic on a visit to Tory Island

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h e re ’s n o t h i n g l e s s interesting during these tough economic times than people banging on about these tough economic times. Whereas previously we would have all spent our leisure time going on cruises to Malta on our yachts made of caviar, now we’re forced to save our pennies and sit around the house, silently despising loved ones.

Not all hope is lost, however, as there are many places to visit on our own tiny little island to escape the smog-covered hustle and bustle of our fair capital.

One such respite from the hideousness of modern life is Tory Island.

Located nine miles off the northwest coast of Donegal, Tory island is a small Irish speaking island with a population of around 96 people. The mid-summer had been advertised as the island’s peak tourist season so we were expecting to be pushing past hoards of keen sightseers to get a place on the ferry. As it turns out, myself and my friend were pretty much the only group you could describe as tourists, the rest either locals or visitors from the mainland who knew where the craic was to be had. Arriving at the port we were greeted by this island’s King Patsy, distinct from the other locals by the large amount of bling visible on his person. The island is the only place in Ireland that has a tradition of having a king, and it’s a role that Patsy clearly takes seriously with his mission to greet people off the boat every day.

While the mainland was experiencing weather that was mediocre at best, the unnatural level of sunshine experienced on Tory seems to suggest it’s some sort of geographical anomaly, like an Irish version of the island from LOST. To get sunburnt in Ireland at all is an impressive feat, though this is undoubtedly more likely on Tory with its complete absence of trees for shade, the high winds preventing any from growing. Traversing the cliff edges is glorious, the island’s vast amount of native rabbits hopping about the place, with a view that’s like being given access to your own miniature Cliffs of Moher, minus the tourists. The unique landscape unsurprisingly has attracted artists to the island, some living in solitude in cottages outside the main town.

Though the daytime is full of spectacular scenery and sites to explore, all our research had told us that the night-time was where it was at, specifically the Club Sóisialta.

We’d been informed that only squares go to the club before midnight so, not wanting to be laughed off the island, we waited until a little after. As we got closer to the building the joyous sounds of mad bants could be heard pouring out and as we wandered in, lo and behold, there was King Patsy onstage, frantically playing the accordion with what seemed to be the entire island on the dance floor. Any fears we may have had about feeling out of place

were swiftly quashed, as we were encouraged to join in on their céilí.

Living up to their stereotype of being an accommodating bunch, one local began to ask us about what we’ve seen while on the island. Apparently we’re wasting our time if we don’t pay a visit to the so-called ‘Wishing Stone’, seemingly the piece-de-résistance of the island.

Not content with our assurance that we’d give it a look the next morning, he offered to become our impromptu guide and bring us there.

Meeting outside the church the next morning we’re greeted not only by our guide, but an entire posse of six or seven young folks, turning our sightseeing into a Lord of the Rings style expedition across the cliffs, albeit with more drinking Lucozade and smoking. The Wishing Stone itself turned out to be a flat-topped rock jutting out beside a cliff edge with a fall to your death guaranteed in the gap in-between. There are two ways to gain your wish: either by throwing three stones onto the rock without any plummeting into the sea below, or the undoubtedly more ballsy approach of stepping out onto the rock and twirling around. None of our troupe attempted the latter because of our collective lack of a death wish.

We trekked back down the hill, and our guide’s quad bike happened to be sitting idle at the base, and he recommended showing us more of the island in the highest-octane way possible. Effortlessly weaving

around rabbits at high speeds, our guide showed us the island’s memorable landmarks, giving us a brief description of each before we rocketed off to the next. We drove by a defused torpedo that washed ashore during World War II that was shoved into the ground as a bizarre monument; we see the remains of a bell tower from the 7th century when the island was home to a monastery; we’re shown the Tau Cross, one of only two such crosses in Ireland dating back to the 12th century. For such a small island there is an awful lot of folklore and history to take in, our unconventional off-road tour guide helping us to catch up swiftly.

Tory Island is an unusual place to visit as while there are most definitely tourist attractions it’s not quite built for tourists. They’re definitely more than welcoming, but mainly leave you to your own devices to discover the island in any way you feel fit. You could laze around and just enjoy the calm lifestyle and beautiful scenery, you could go off and explore the historical sites, or you could attempt to hack the sesh with the locals until eight in the morning. Because of this, your trip will no doubt differ hugely from anyone else’s visit, and that’s the Island’s unique appeal. Though everyone should meet King Patsy.

He’s a champ.

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OTWO GAMES

REVIEWS

THE ELDER SCROLLS V THE WALKING DEAD SKYRIM:DRAGONBORN

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h e Wa l k i n g D e a d ’s multimedia explosion continues and results in not only one of the best games of 2012 but a breakthrough in interactive storytelling.

The Walking Dead most closely resembles the adventure and point and click games of the 90s, which were focused on methodical environmental and character interaction. Such games have undergone a resurgence in popularity in recent years but parallel to this, a sub-genre has emerged with its own unique flavour. Perhaps David Cage’s 2005 release, Fahrenheit, can be credited with kick starting this tangent. The essential elements of the adventure genre remain in place; rather it is the form of interaction which is most divergent.

Pixel hunting and item combining are discarded in favour of a more streamlined and deliberately paced affair. The Walking Dead embraces these newer developments to a tremendously effective end.

Each of the game’s five episodes last roughly between two and three hours, a product of the game’s unique development cycle. This turns out to be the perfect length; long enough for each episode to establish and revolve story threads whilst still furthering the overall season arc. With The Walking Dead’s emphasis placed firmly on storytelling, its success depends hugely on the quality of the writing. Thankfully, this is where it

truly excels, with terrifically well realised and well-acted characters and a genuinely affecting plot.

Upon starting each episode, the game will remind you that the decisions you make (some minor, some life or death) create a tailored and unique experience. This isn’t entirely true; all paths eventually lead to the same destination but the way in which decisions are presented and the feeling of weight each one carries does make it truly feel like you, as a player, are creating the story. The narrative Telltale manages to weave and its near flawless execution make this illusion of choice ultimately not even matter in the slightest.

Labelling The Walking Dead as a game is a tricky task because as much time is spent watching as is playing; and even then, interaction is quite comparatively limited. Rather, it is best to position The Walking Dead as a new kind of game, one which manages to strike a balance between narrative and gameplay never seen before.

This piece of interaction fiction pushes forward the medium and demonstrates a level of storytelling prowess and maturity few thought was possible. Anyone with even a passing interest in the digital arts has an irrefutable obligation to experience this landmark release.

By Niall Gosker

The Walking Dead: A Telltale Games Series - Title Telltale Games - Publishers Telltale Games - Developers PC, Xbox 360, PS3, iOS - Platform

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D

ragonborn is the latest add-on to be released for Skyrim, following on from the Dawnguard and Hearthfire expansions, and it marks the most substantial and impressive extra content to be released yet, while also showing the true potential of what developers can achieve through DLC. Dragonborn introduces an entirely new storyline and location to the already massive world of Skyrim.

Once installed, the DLC rapidly makes itself known as the next time the player visits a town they will be immediately attacked by a pair of cultists. It emerges that these cultists are servants of Miraak, the original Dragonborn who seeks to return to power on the isle of Solstheim.

This is the starting point for the story which sees the player travelling to Solstheim to foil Miraak’s nefarious schemes.

Solstheim, which was last seen in the Bloodmoon DLC for The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind is a very welcome addition to Skyrim, boasting a size comparable to one of Skyrim’s holds and enough quests and side quests to match the length of a full release game. Compared to Skyrim, Solstheim is a unique location with its own distinctive culture, architecture and geographical environment. Solstheim’s terrain is a synthesis of Skyrim and Morrowind, with snow-capped peaks and pine forests in the north around the Skaal

village, an ashen volcanic landscape around the port of Raven Rock and giant inhabitable mushrooms in the dark elf settlement of Tel Mithryn.

You’ll also get to visit Apocrypha, a plane of Oblivion inhabited by Lovecraftian abominations.

Dragonborn also adds a significant number of new armours, ores, potion ingredients and creatures to the world of Skyrim. Most of these creatures are entirely new additions such as werebears and lurkers, though some return from Bloodmoon such as the rieklings, a diminutive goblin-like race who speak in bizarre broken English.

The only new feature which is actually a disappointment is the ability to ride dragons. In theory this is a wonderful idea, but in practice it has been implemented in a very constrained way which fails to live up to expectations. This single shortcoming should not detract from the rest of what is an engaging and enjoyable experience however.

Overall, Dragonborn is an excellent piece of DLC which will definitely enhance your Skyrim experience. With an intriguing story, a brilliant villain and a rich island to explore, Dragonborn pushes all of the right buttons. Already available for Xbox 360 owners to enjoy, it can only be hoped that Bethesda will soon open up the experience for PC and PS3 players as well.

By Steven Balbirnie

Title - The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim: Dragonborn Publishers - Bethesda Developers - Bethesda Platforms - Xbox 360, PS3, PC

GAMES OTWO

The Monaco Job Steven Balbirnie talks to Andy Schatz of Pocketwatch Games about his long awaited co-op heist game, Monaco: What’s Yours is Mine.

Three years after winning the Independent Games Festival’s grand prize, Monaco is finally nearing its much-anticipated release. Monaco is the latest title from Pocketwatch Games; its founder, Andy Schatz, having originated the game’s design in 2004. Monaco has come a long way since then in what Schatz describes as the “the experience of a lifetime.”

Schatz explains that the concept for the game was inspired by multiple influences: “Stealth games and other top down games like Gauntlet or Pacman. Really the primary driving inspirations for the game are heist movies and the emotional arc that you go through when you watch heist movies, and trying to get the player to feel as clever as the thieves in a good heist movie.”

S c h a t z ’s a rg u m e n t f o r t h e significance of Pacman’s influence on Monaco is compelling. “I like to say that Pacman was the first stealth game actually, because for 90% of Pacman you have no weapons and no way to fight the enemies, and then occasionally you’re empowered to go fight the enemies. And to me, a stealth game is more about that emotion of fear and staying in the shadows and feeling like the prey rather than the predator, which would be more typical in a lot of other games,” says Schatz.

One of the core mechanics characterising Monaco’s gameplay is the use of limited visibility.

Schatz believes that this dynamic is

a key element of the game’s stealth experience. “So in Monaco of course it’s a top down perspective but the sight lines are blocked by walls and such and the areas that you can’t see appear as blue prints and the areas you can see appear as the real world.

So you can see 360 degrees around you, so you actually have a much greater situational awareness than you do in a first person game; and I think that’s one of the big problems with stealth games is a lack of situational awareness, so putting it from a top down perspective but with some sort of simulated fog of war I think is a much better way to evoke the emotions you get when you actually are trying to hide,” says Schatz.

Another core mechanic of the game is the choice between eight different characters with unique abilities and personalities. These characters are: the Locksmith, who specialises in unlocking doors and cracking safes; the Lookout, who can move faster and has a wider vision range; the Pickpocket, who is a hobo with a monkey that can collect money; the Cleaner, who can knock out people with chloroform; the Mole, who can tunnel through most walls in the game; the Gentleman, who can utilise disguises to fool guards; the Hacker, who can create computer viruses that will follow him around and hack security systems; and the Redhead, who can seduce a guard into doing her bidding for her. This variety of characters allows for a considerable range of tactics and approaches that

different teams can take towards the same missions.

Schatz explains: “Well you know it’s interesting because there are a ton of different dynamics between the players, like having a Cleaner and a Lookout working together works really well because the Lookout can hide somewhere and the Cleaner knows where the guards are and it makes it so much easier for him to sneak up on people. The Gentleman and the Locksmith actually make a good team, so the Gentleman can go in and set off an alarm but he’s disguised so the guards come in and don’t know who set off the alarm, and in the meantime the Locksmith is going through and opening some safe that was previously guarded by the lasers.”

With so many characters in a game, balancing can often be an issue, though Schatz seems confident that he has this area covered: “One of the interesting things about balancing for characters is that when you have eight characters, everyone’s going to think that one of the characters is overpowered and everyone’s going to think that one of the characters is underpowered, but as long as everyone disagrees on who those characters are, I think I’ve done my job well.”

A great deal of research and attention to detail has also gone into the settings and scenarios for Monaco, which are rooted in real world counterparts, “Well it’s all set in Monaco, many of the levels actually are inspired by actual

locations in Monaco. We used Google satellite view in order to even get the foot print of some of the famous locations in Monaco in order to build the levels,” says Schatz. “And so there’s actually been a number of famous heists in Monaco itself and then around the world as well, and so I’ve tried to base the missions on some of these real life heist stories.”

Monaco is currently scheduled for release on PC, Mac and Xbox Live Arcade but Schatz hopes to bring the game to other platforms in the future. “Linux is definitely in the plans. I would love to bring it to PSN but we’ll have to see how well the game does after it comes out.”

PC owners can already pre-order the game for $13.50, discounted from $15, or they can buy a four pack for $45 to share with their friends for the price of three, an incentive which further encourages the cooperative aspect of the game.

While only a short wait remains until Monaco’s release, Schatz is still unsure of a precise date. Schatz explains that “I was hoping for March but it kind of looks like, not because anything’s been delayed, just because of the certification process on Xbox takes a little while longer than I expected it did; it looks like April is probably likely.” At any rate, when Monaco launches it looks set to be one of 2013’s most entertaining co-op gaming experiences.

Monaco can be pre-ordered for PC now at www.pocketwatchgames.com/ Monaco

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OTWO FILM

REVIEWS Title: Django Unchained Director: Quentin Tarantino Starring: Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Release Date: Out Now

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ome people may find the idea of a Quentin Tarantino Western a bit bizarre. His films are known for their heavy violence, bad language and pop culture references, none of which are exactly tropes of the genre.

Typically for Tarantino, Django Unchained is simultaneously paying homage to the bygone genre of the Spaghetti Western as well as being his unique version of it. Even the title comes from Sergio Corbucci’s 1966 schlocky Spaghetti Western Django, one of the more violent films of its time, no doubt appealing to Tarantino’s sensibilities.

Tarantino mixes the entertaining but somewhat vacuous elements of this cult classic with more serious subject matter, the reality of America during the pre-civil war era, dealing heavily with slavery in the Deep South in the mid 1800’s.

The film’s most redeemable characters come in the form of its two main heroes, Django (Jamie Foxx) a freed slave who becomes a bounty hunter after meeting the German Dr. King Shultz (Christoph

Django Unchained Waltz), a bounty hunter with a heart of gold and hatred of slavery.

Leonardo DiCaprio plays Calvin Candie, the film’s main antagonist and frequent Tarantino collaborator Samuel L. Jackson plays Stephen, an ally of Candie.

Django Unchained, in the style of Mark Twain, uses the ‘N’ word rather frequently to accurately portray the reality of the time, which, perhaps unsurprisingly has landed the film in a lot of controversy. This attracted the ire of renowned black filmmaker Spike Lee who, albeit without viewing the film,worried it would trivialise slavery in America, claiming it to be ‘disrespectful’ to his ancestors. However, Django Unchained makes no joke out of the horror and brutality of the time its set in, but rather presents the torture of and cruelty towards AfricanAmericans in a way that neither comes across as overtly political or preachy.

Unsurprisingly, Django Unchained has already been nominated and awarded a variety of accolades, including a Golden Globe for Christoph Waltz as a supporting actor. While some of Tarantino’s recent outings, such as Death Proof and Kill Bill, have failed to attract the same sort of critical attention, his shift to dealing with genuine social issues with his brash approach is a surprisingly good fit.

Make no mistake; this is certainly a Tarantino-ized vision of a Spaghetti Western, complete with gratuitous use of the word ‘motherfucker’, more bullets fired than in World War II, and some memorable and endlessly quotable dialogue. But more than just being entertaining in a superficial way, Django Unchained has enough layers to it to create

The Sessions

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oing up against high production films such as Les Miserables and Jack Reacher is never an easy feat for any film. Yet The Sessions holds its own as a breakout movie of the year and an audience favourite, winning the coveted Audience Award and Special Jury Prize for Ensemble Acting at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival.

Directed by Ben Lewin, The Sessions chronicles the real life story of writer Mark O’Brien, left paralysed from the neck down after contracting polio as a child. Mark endeavours to lose his virginity

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by hiring a ‘sex surrogate’ or sex therapist played by the enchanting Helen Hunt. Over the course of the six sessions they have together, Mark must learn to overcome not only his physical disability, but his emotional hang-ups surrounding sex. Through these hardships there are some truly hilarious and brilliantly captured moments as Mark makes his priest (William H. Macy) his confidant and friend throughout his sexual escapades.

This unlikely friendship is a high point of the film with John Hawkes (Winter’s Bone) stealing the show as the quick-witted and lovable Mark while William H. Macy delivers one

interesting conversation after the film has finished. It manages to be at once a silly, bloody exploitation flick, a brilliant satire and, above all, highly entertaining.

In a Nutshell: Classic Tarantino.

Bloody, hilarious and engaging.

by Evan O’Quigley

Title: The Sessions Director: Ben Lewin Starring: John Hawkes, William H. Macy, Helen Hunt Release Date: Out now

of the best comedic performances of his career.

The film’s premise that the human spirit can overcome great adversity is simple enough and has been used by Hollywood over and over again. The movie moves at a rapid pace, sometimes losing its way but managing to get back on track with a fantastic and award-worthy script.

Yet the highlight of The Sessions is without question Helen Hunt who, despite a dodgy Boston accent, plays the role of emotionally detached psychologist Cheryl to great effect.

Despite her low-key performance Hunt has the unmitigated ability to steal every scene she is in. Whether

it is full frontal nudity or simply the ease with which she captures the inner turmoil Cheryl faces in helping Mark, Hunt is one of, if not the reason to see this film. Her performance has even garnered her a nomination for Best Supporting Actress at this year’s Academy Awards. Vera, played fantastically

by Moon Bloodgood (Terminator Salvation, Day Break) similarly impresses as Mark’s tough and ballsy assistant.

The Sessions is a rare type of film, one that has the ability to produce big laughs but also tug at the heart strings of anyone who has ever faced or overcome a great challenge. It is a story of love and of companionship and Mark’s unique outlook on life really will take you to a special place..

In a Nutshell: The film is a gem and luckily one that hasn’t been swept under the rug by other big budget releases.

by Tadgh Dolan

FILM OTWO

Lincoln Title: Lincoln Director: Steven Spielberg Starring: Daniel Day Lewis, Sally Field, Tommy Lee Jones Release Date: January 25th

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n his second term of presidency and in the midst of the American civil war, President Lincoln (Daniel Day Lewis) attempts to pass a constitutional amendment through any means necessary that would bring an end to slavery.

It becomes a race to get the bill passed before the civil war ends, Lincoln and his men attempting to end both the civil war and slavery in one fell swoop.

Considering Hollywood has mostly avoided taking on the difficult issue of American slavery, it seems somewhat bizarre that two films in the space of a fortnight not only deal with this topic but tackle it head on, albeit in hugely different ways. While Tarantino’s Django Unchained is a

cathartic revenge film that takes the topic to a ridiculous extreme to emphasise the horror of it, Lincoln takes a more, well, Spielberg approach. In fact, Spielberg’s combination of expert filmmaking and his tendency for melodrama makes it feel an awful lot like a particularly good episode of The West Wing that just so happens to be set in 1865.The film focuses on the political aspects of the abolition of slavery, the bulk of the film taken up with passionate conversations about how to achieve this goal.

With an exclusive focus on the interaction between characters, Lincoln can only be as good as its cast, a point of which Spielberg was clearly aware. Firstly, the choice of acting powerhouse

Daniel Day Lewis is perfect as the man embodies Lincoln, portraying him with a humble and almost unimposing presence, but expertly shifting into a commanding role when necessary. His unflinching ideals and tendency to rely on levelheaded folk storytelling to win arguments and placate his allies make him hugely likable and endearing. Whether this is an idealisation, fact, or somewhere in-between, it allows us to empathise on a human level with a man that’s often shrouded in myth.

As for the rest of the cast, Tommy Lee Jones is spectacular as a lovable curmudgeon with strong anti-racist principles, easily the most captivating performance after Day Lewis himself. Sally Field is suitably hysterical as the

First Lady, holding her own against her on-screen husband. Their son, played by Joseph Gordon Levitt, is left struggling with his one note character, but he still fits in with such a high quality group.

There are no doubt certain issues that plague Lincoln. For example, the final 20 or so minutes of the film feel unnecessary to what has come before. Also, the film can sway from sentimental to overly melodramatic at times.

But the mere fact that a storyline about the abolition of slavery, with its well-known and inevitable conclusion, still manages to makes this conclusion both engaging and tense, that is down to great filmmaking.

In a Nutshell: Spielberg’s sometimes sentimental but always engaging insights into a myth of a man, with performances that make those 150 minutes a pleasurable experience.

by Conor Luke Barry

The Number 1 Student writing competition is here!

Top prize of €200 and runner up of €50!

Winners published!

Short stories, poems, fact or fiction, we want it all!

Closing date is 19th of Feb 2013.

See www.writersmoney.com for details.

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And the winner is...

Following the recent Oscar nominations, Casey Lehman picks out who should win, and who will actually take home the prize

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nyone who has ever been frustrated by the choices made by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the most prestigious award in film, the Oscar, will tell you that the person or film that deserves to win and the one that actually wins are often not the same. From Rocky’s perhaps fitting upset of Taxi Driver, All the President’s Men, and Network for Best Picture in 1977 to Juliette Binoche’s stunning win over Hollywood legend Lauren Bacall for Best Supporting Actor in 1997, shocking choices have been a staple of the Oscars at nearly every ceremony.

Upsets aside, there are also outright atrocities and favouritism. Pedophile/filmmaker Roman Polanski scored the Best Director Oscar for 2002’s The Pianist over the oft-snubbed Martin Scorsese (Gangs of New York that year but his efforts on Goodfellas and Raging Bull had been denied previously); Meryl Streep took home last year’s Best Actress trophy for The Iron Lady simply because she hadn’t won one in a while. The point in all this is that the Academy voters are nothing if not unpredictable. Having said that, Otwo presents its picks for this year’s crop of the biggest awards, both who should win and who probably will win despite that.

Best Picture What Should Win: Argo. Ben Affleck’s tale of the Iranian hostage crisis has already snagged the Golden Globe and Critics’ Choice awards for Best Picture. Argo has been praised for being exciting without the usual explosions and gunfights, focusing on narrative over slick action.

What Will Win: Zero Dark Thirty. If the 82nd Academy Awards taught us anything, it’s that the Academy loves films about the Iraq War. There is literally no other plausible explanation for The Hurt Locker’s six victories. By the same token, Zero Dark Thirty takes it home this year.

Best Actor Who Should Win: Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln.

This is an absolute no-brainer. One of the best actors of all time turns in the performance of a lifetime as one of America’s most-beloved Presidents.

Who Will Win: Daniel Day-Lewis. The favouritism I mentioned earlier works for him too in a relatively weak field, aside from Joaquin Phoenix’s remarkable turn in The Master.

Best Actress Who Should Win: Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook. One of the hottest young actresses around honestly just keeps getting better.

Since her nomination for Winter’s Bone in 2011, Lawrence’s star has been on the rise.

Who Will Win: Emmanuelle Riva in Amour.

Unfortunately for Jennifer Lawrence, she is competing with one of world cinema’s most respected actresses. While an Oscar is in Lawrence’s future, Riva will win to show the Academy’s respect for the classics. Keep an eye on Jessica Chastain in Zero Dark Thirty as well.

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Best Supporting Actor

Best Original Screenplay

Who Should Win: Christoph Waltz in Django Unchained. Waltz burst into the American consciousness with his excellent performance in Tarantino’s previous picture, Inglorious Basterds (snagging this award in the process), and the reunion of the two has produced more great results.

Who Should Win: Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola for Moonrise Kingdom. Anderson’s universe of deadbeat dads and rebellious, damaged kids continues to expand. The dialogue in Moonrise Kingdom, like that of every film Anderson and Coppola have written together, is full of wit and just the right amount of deadpan humour without being full of itself.

Who Will Win: Christoph Waltz. This might be the strongest field of any category this year: every nominee has won an Oscar in the past. Waltz will be the one to add to his collection for his work as the bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz.

Best Supporting Actress Who Should Win: Helen Hunt in The Sessions.

Playing a sex therapist working with a paraplegic is a very bold choice in Hunt’s otherwise-bland career. With nothing really outstanding on her resume since a Best Actress win for As Good as It Gets, Hunt has shocked critics and audiences alike with this role.

Who Will Win: Sally Field in Lincoln. Field’s performance in Lincoln was one of the film’s greatest successes. Hunt deserves praise for the risk she took in The Sessions but Field will bring home the Oscar for her truly fantastic portrayal of the famous First Lady.

Best Adapted Screenplay Who Should Win: David O. Russell for Silver Linings Playbook. Writer-Director Russell is building on the success of The Fighter and, like his star Jennifer Lawrence, just keeps getting better.

Who Will Win: Silver Linings Playbook. In another somewhat-weak field, David O. Russell brings home his first statuette for coming up with a screenplay that supplied his young stars with believable characters and dialogue. Stacked up against the speech-laden Lincoln and the weak dialogue of Beasts of the Southern Wild, Russell deserves this victory.

Who Will Win: Moonrise Kingdom. This is honestly a toss-up between Moonrise Kingdom and Django Unchained but the heartwarming and depressing combination of Anderson and Coppola’s story and script might have the edge over the razor-sharp, endlessly quotable dialogue we have come to expect from Tarantino.

With the exception of the youngest-ever Best Actress nominee (Quvenzhane Wallis for Beasts of the Southern Wild), this year’s Oscars doesn’t have the potential to break much new ground. The familiar Hollywood heavyweights will most likely bring home the hardware, but independent and foreign pictures like Beasts of the Southern Wild and Amour also have a chance to pull off an upset or two.

televison OTWO

Reboot, Reuse, Recycle As yet more channels abandon creativity for regurgitation, Laura Bell examines the rise of recycled television

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ith the filming of the pilot episode of S.H.I.E.L.D. the liveaction television adaptation o f la st s u m m e r ’s b i g g e st blockbuster The Avengers, to begin this month, the phenomenon of the reboot appears alive and well. While usually associated with the film industry (seven of the ten highest grossing movies of 2012 drawing from another medium) the art of the adaptation has always found a home in television. In the box office, the word ‘reboot’ tends to inspire buzzwords like ‘darker’, ‘grittier’, and ‘Christian Bale’; but in the ratings game, shows like Game of Thrones and Sex and the City have proven themselves not only unique, but inimitable in their own right.

Since there appears to be a highly limited amount of ideas in the world, i.e. in the Los Angeles area, silver screen fare often finds itself sized down and serialised in the hope that full movie theatres engender small screen success.

This hypothesis is repeatedly tested, and with varying results. Casablanca, the seminal 1942 drama was twice translated to television, first in 1955 for a ten episode run that featured left over footage from the movie, and then again in 1983.

Of six shot episodes, only four ever made it to air.

Similarly, Clueless, the 1995 $55,000,000 grossing comedy was snowballed into a syrupy teen sitcom whose success dwindled with each passing story arc. By the end of the third and final season, Clueless retained less than 30% of its original audience.

The film-into-tv theory is not always bound for failure, however. The wildly successful Buffy the Vampire Slayer, named Empire magazine’s second greatest show of all time, finds its roots in the 1992 teen comedy of the same name. Creator Joss Whedon was deeply unhappy with the outcome of the movie, stating: “I had written this scary film

about an empowered woman, and they turned it into a broad comedy. It was crushing.” Whedon was vindicated when the Buffy concept was given a second chance on television where it ran for seven seasons and spawned five seasons of spinoff series Angel, as well as an extended series of comic books based on varying titular characters.

Still, Hollywood threatens another Buffy movie, studio heads hoping to merge the cult of vampire based fiction with Disney stars and body horror in order to generate the GNP of a small nation in teen girl ticket sales.

Interestingly, books seem to convert better to television than any other medium. In movies, the approximate 120 minute ceiling time on the translation of a story that may span 300 pages or more poses a great risk to story pacing, coherence, and character development. In television, the subject matter is given extra space, stability and time to breathe. Examples of successful book to television adaptations are indeed plentiful, with George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones undoubtedly leading the pack of the last decade.

The most pirated TV series of 2012, critical and fan reception is overwhelmingly positive. Martin has penned an episode per season, and as such creative control is maintained, where in a oneshot film environment, Martin may have found himself, as Whedon did, with only the legal rights to “sigh audibly.”

Sex and the City, based on Candace Bushnell’s collection of columns for the New York Observer was similarly well received, and was followed by two feature films and a current teen drama entitled The Carrie Diaries. The Sarah Jessica Parker-led show, which explored the controversial themes of feminine sexuality and relationships, paved the way for Cecily von Ziegesar’s racy Gossip Girl series to be made into a questionably rated and long-running drama. True Blood, based

on the ongoing The Southern Vampire Mysteries

by Charlaine Harris, and Bones, created through 16 novels by forensic anthropologist Kathy Reichs have experienced similar triumph on the small screen.

While adaptations of original media into serial programmes seem to dominate the airwaves, executives continually prove that there’s nothing more useless to television than an original idea.

The reboot, a tactic not solely employed to inject bad CGI into the Spiderman franchise and to denipple the Batsuit has gained favour in recent years in the form of shows like Doctor Who, Futurama, 90210, and most recently, the upcoming season of Arrested Development. Shows like Arrested and Futurama which were cancelled, despite acclaim, due to low ratings, were given a new lease of life years later by new networks. Series like 90120 and Star Trek: The Next Generation are of a different sort, the preceding run of each series reaching a natural conclusion despite success. Thus new actors and often characters are employed in order to revamp the series for fresh audiences and a new generation.

At the heart of the recent surge in remakes and reboots is of course, recessionary politics. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, is an excellent philosophy to live by - if you’re not a fan laughing all the way to the bank. Reboots and adaptations are safe bets for studios. New generations allegedly relate better to modernised classics, older generations fall victim to reluctant curiosity, and internetconnected “fandoms” ensure that shows and movies based on already popular media get a head start in both ratings and reviews. With a record 31 sequels and 17 reboots lined up for the box office in 2013, including the continuation of multiple TV adaptations, it seems that the sequels, prequels and reboots (oh my!) along with economic uncertainty, are here to stay.

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Michael Winslow

The undisputed king of vocal sound effects and Police Academy star Michael Winslow tells Emily Longworth about doing impressions of himself, his love of Ireland and plans for Police Academy 8

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or a man who is most celebrated for his ability to reproduce explosive, cataclysmic and otherworldly sounds with his voice, it is immediately noticeable that Michael Winslow has one of the most pacifyingly smooth speaking voices imaginable. The contrast is so strong that it seems necessary to ask him for an impromptu sound effect for verification, not unlike how websites often ask us to prove we’re not a corporate machine by typing out disfigured words.

Apparently we’re not the only one that needs convincing, as Winslow explains: “I actually went to a celebrity impersonator conference last year, I went to one of those nights and said “I’m gonna be Michael Winslow” and they told me I wasn’t very good, which is weird.”

It seems incredible that a panel of judges could need convincing, because when in action, Winslow has a very unique talent. The tagline ‘Man of 10,000 voices’ has followed him since his beginnings in stand-up in the early ‘80s, when he started out doing Jimi Hendrix impersonations in Colorado.

In fact, the origins of his foley artistry comes from childhood: “Growing up in the Air Force Base made it difficult to have friends, so I created imaginary friends: dogs, cats, trucks, anything that would keep me occupied for the moment.”

Nowdays, he incorporates his vocal talents into his live shows, which he’s bringing to Ireland next month in a string of eight gigs he’s doing throughout the country. After doing last year’s Vodafone Comedy Festival in the Iveagh Gardens in Dublin, he’s as big a fan of Ireland as Ireland is of him. “I’ve played many different venues, and I like it, you know. For me, it’s almost like I have to come out once a year, it’s a big part of my career, so it’s been great coming to Ireland. I’ll do it every year if I can.”

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Winslow is best recognised from his universallycelebrated role of Sgt “Motormouth” Larvelle in the Police Academy film and TV series. He’s one of the few cast members who has featured in all the films, which makes him a favourite for the up and coming Police Academy 8, preliminarily set for release in 2014.

“We started it a year and a half ago, but as you know Charles “Bubba” Smith passed away, that kind of put everything on hold, so we’re redoing things, I know we’re gonna push forward with it because it’s already been funded, so that’s getting ready to happen… 2014 and they’re going for it” Winslow is extremely excited for the film, but he, along with many of the series’ diehard internet fans, are still guessing over which members of the original cast may feature in Police Academy 8. Steve Guttenburg has been tipped as a favourite, but no official details have been released.

Winslow enjoyed doing all the films, but the excitement and novelty of the first one cements it as his favourite: “It’s always gotta be your first one. Especially when you don’t know what you’re making, you really don’t.” He speaks with the air of a man who’s still surprised with his success. He is amazed that people continue to be amazed by his work: “I’m still scratching my head; I don’t know how this happened. How did this happen?”

His zest for improvised soundings and the performance art of beatboxing has inspired many, and there’s a very clear passion for the art in his work: “For me, sound has no language barrier. I can be in any country and pretty much describe what I wanna do. Sound can educate too, that’s why I’m looking forward to coming back out there and testing some of the new stuff I have for 2014.”

He’s also been working on musical collaborations for comedic back up, by way of making the language of his show even more universal: “We’ve been

experimenting with video and interactive media to see how I can have them with me all the time… and I’ve always been a U2 fan… I really would love to do my guitar noise in front of the Edge just to see the look on his face.”

Another application for his seemingly endless store of self-made sound bytes is the new smartphone game, Wizard Ops, which is the first ever game made whose sound effects are done entirely through the human voice. Winslow is quick to boast that “each game alone can take up to 500 sounds”.

Winslow remarks that he’s come a long way from the days of working with Hannah Barbara on the 1980s cartoon Space Stars. He claims not to have a favourite of the innumerable cameo guest-voice appearances he’s done throughout the years: “I know the Family Guy thing was a lot of fun for me. I don’t mind the Simpsons picking on me at all. This year I’m gonna start asking ‘Hey stop picking on me and put me on!’”

In the world of beatbox, vocal improv and human sound effects, he remains the undisputed King.

Even Snoop Dogg wants to collaborate with him, but Winslow is happy with anything that means he is continually evolving his act and upping the numbers of laughs. A born entertainer.

With Michael Winslow, the audience can always be reassured that he will make some literal and figurative noise, with a gift that doesn’t disappoint.

We tell him we look forward to seeing him in Ireland. “It’ll be loud, ” he replies, which is exactly what we want to hear.

Michael Winslow will be playing Whelan’s on February 3rd.

Jason Byrne

OTWO

Jason Bryne, Irish comedian and man from the telly, chats to Coiré McCrystall about natural funny bones and working for your dinner

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aving the opportunity to interview a comedian on the level of Jason Byrne is a lot like the part of work experience where you would be expected to ask questions to the person you’re shadowing; be they a doctor or a solicitor or any other type of job really. The main difference is you can’t go into the city centre on any given night and get amateur medical or legal advice the same way you can see stand-up comedy in Dublin. Or at least you shouldn’t because said advice would be dubious at best.

The idea that stand-up can’t be looked at in the same way we look at other ‘jobs’ is something that Byrne ruminates on: “Most comedians that I know have fallen into it by accident; do you know what I mean? So, it’s not a career path. …It’s just not a ‘career’. I would say to everybody; go to college first and then do comedy. Make sure you have some kind of back up.”

It’s plain to see that, as with all artistic pursuits, the cautious approach here is the most pragmatic, though it’s little wonder why Byrne would take such an approach when gig payment when he was finding his feet as a young comedian was so meagre: “It is very different now because there’s a lot bigger money in it these days. Years ago when we did it, we used to do it for sausages and chips; a lot of the clubs wouldn’t have the money to pay you. A lot of the clubs would pay you in food vouchers. That’s how it was back then, but now they’re just given mountains of money. So they wouldn’t be doing it if they knew

all they were getting were sausages and chips. So that’s the difference; it was sausages and chips when I was a kid and now it’s just big lumps of hard cash!”

With more money being offered in standup today compared to the mid-90s, it’s grown increasingly true to say that comedy is the new karaoke, with swarms of countless new acts ‘just trying it’. While comedy is subjective, there certainly is a lot of dreck out there, seemingly to Byrne’s chagrin: “When you’re starting out, it’s fine to see if you’re good at it, but if you don’t have natural funny bones or skill as a comic then you shouldn’t keep doing it. But there are a lot of people out there at the moment who just keep doing it and they’re not really getting anywhere.

That’s how it works.”

So how does Mr Byrne get the most out of his natural funny bones then? “I get it from my kids, because they’re two little shits. Whatever they say or do, they’re so evil, I take a lot of their stand-up.

My wife as well, she does a lot of… stuff? She’s a professional pole dancer, so she comes home with some great stories and I’m like ‘OH MY GOD! Tell me again!’ But she doesn’t do lap dances. Only pole dancing because it keeps her really fit. Then there’s just experiences which happen all the time, because that’s what stand-up is all about, it’s just stuff that’s all around you all the time. Things the kids say, the wife, things that are happening to me in my career, when I’m travelling, props too.

I used to be a children’s entertainer and I used to use a lot of props with them.”

Byrne moves onto his show, The Byrne Ultimatum, and he notes: “RTÉ won’t stop you doing a lot of stuff, but they don’t have a lot of money to do stuff. If I did the same show for Sky, there would be all sorts of shit going on. So you have to work within a very limited budget. Which is fair enough, really; if you want to do a big budget show, you have to go to England,” he continues, referencing the expensive cornucopia of comedy available elsewhere that has lured away other Irish stand-ups such as Dylan Moran and Dara O’Briain.

“Ireland is a very small place, that’s what Irish people forget. Ireland is about as important as Iceland is to the world. Some Americans don’t even know where Ireland bloody is. So Britain is a very big place to gig in, with a lot of TV and radio to back it up. Even American comics come to Britain and they love gigging there. Ireland only has six million people and Britain has 67 million people.” This last stat, Wikipedia tells me, is more or less true.

As thetime with Jason Byrne comes to an end, there is a compulsion to ask him what advice he’d like to impart onto anyone wishing to do comedy.

Taking a moment to ponder he responds seriously, advising: “Make sure you make the audience laugh, not the other comedians. Because the other comedians won’t pay your bills”. Then, perhaps feeling his guidance would not have broad enough appeal, he adds: “Don’t flash your knob at the audience.” Good advice for life in general, one might say.

Jason Byrne plays Draíocht Theatre on January 25th.

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With Villagers’ new album Awayland taking over the charts, Emily Mullen has a quiet cup of tea and a chat with the sensitive croon and UCD alumnus, Conor J. O’Brien

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ith their debut album, Becoming a Jackal, bagging no less than a Ivor Novella and a Mercury Prize nomination, the expectations for Villagers’ sophomore album, Awayland, was set exceptionally high. Responding with a record that has the same creative cultivation as Becoming a Jackal, a story complete with a narrative was created. Set apart from the macabre of their first album, Awayland encapsulates the rush of emotion, and the broadening of thoughts and feeling that freedom brings.

If Becoming a Jackal spoke of the stifling restraints of home, that of “the most familiar room,” then Awayland has flung back the door and breathed in the purest of air. This emotive self-expression is a feeling, and indeed a sound, that we have now come to associate with the sensitive troubadour Conor J. O’Brien, perhaps one of the freshest, most talented and creative outputs that Ireland has released into the musical stratosphere in recent times.

Villagers started off as a solo project for O’Brien but subsequently grew into a fully functioning band (of sorts) made up of Cormac Curran, Danny Snow, James Byrne and Tommy McLaughlin. Yet Villagers will always be Conor J. O’Brien. One would wonder whether O’Brien was reluctant upon entering into a band situation again after the messy break-up of his former musical endeavour, The Immediate.

“Yeah I was at the start. I didn’t really want it to be a band per se; I wanted it to be a kind of a loose thing. It was almost like a relationship, you break up and you don’t want another one so you just play around a little bit. So I was basically just playing around with all of them! It was very loose at the start and they’ve just managed to stick around for a long time. But The Immediate was good, because I had a very particular working relationship with Dave and Pete, and we grew up writing together. It was just when that ended that I knew I would never find anyone else that I grew up writing with, so it was

VILLAGERS

Photo: Rich Gilligan

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MUSIC OTWO more out of necessity that I needed to do something where I was in control the most. It was nice to find people who are incredibly good at playing music but are willing to let you tell them what to do at the start, but this time round I relinquished some sort of power. There were a few things that changed when they started playing. So when we play the songs form Awayland it really feels like everyone has had a part in it and that everyone really owns their parts now.”

It has been perhaps an overused metaphor in music journalism, comparing a songwriter to a craftsman, but it is one which fits O’Brien beautifully. Nonetheless, at the start of writing Awayland, O’Brien admits he was conscious of the dreaded second album curse: “At the start I was really conscious of writing the right songs again. I remember just sitting down with of a piece of paper and I would write two lines and I would already have the voice of a critic in my head. I would have a critique of the song, before it was even written. But once that was gone I just sort of attempted to find a sort of inner critic, and usually that is yourself, and once you find that voice that is the thing that propels you to beat yourself up more and more.”

The self-battery seems a little unorthodox, yet for O’Brien it is that very process that lands him results: “Once you get into the rhythm of writing you shut yourself off from all of that, you really do go into a bit of a weird half-asleep/half-awake state, where you start writing and nothing comes but it’s eight hours later and you’re sort of still writing and you feel like you haven’t achieved anything but then three days later you realise that something has materialised, but you don’t feel like you were as much a part of it as you could have been. It’s really subconscious, I think the best songs are the ones that you feel like they’ve wrote themselves, but they really didn’t, because you’ve just spent hours making them work. It’s a problem, this writing thing. But it’s good once it gets results, and once you’re happy with it in the end.”

The creative concept for Awayland ultimately embarked on a new direction from Becoming A Jackal, beginning with the formation of a feeling and then gradually expanding and experimenting from there. “We basically just finished touring and I had no idea what to write about. I was just looking at a blank piece of paper and so I just started experimenting with sounds and I got my first synthesiser and I just started making really bad dance music, and slowly the songs kind of formed over a very long period of time. There was no theme really, the theme just started to develop naturally.

It wasn’t as academic as the first album, which is probably UCD’s fault because I had just graduated when I wrote the first album!”

The coinage of Awayland is one that sticks to the very forefront of your mind when listening to the album. Even the notion of it is ultimately the

“I see it as the last album was like a tragedy and Awayland is like a tragedy-comedy.

It’s pointing at all the heaviness but it’s doing a little jig, making jokes and having fun with the big issues”

opposite of Becoming a Jackal which spoke of the stifling comfort of home. “The title came last this time, because with Jackal the title was first and I was fitting the songs to the theme.

I wanted it to be very childish, a very naive thing that a kid might say in a feeling of playfulness and freedom.

I felt like all the songs were written from a very open-minded, sort of childish perspective, so I wanted to make up a word that didn’t exist.

I like the way it’s the opposite of ‘Homeland’ as well, because the songs are kind of the opposite of that kind of idea of nationalities or whatever.”

Has the recording process of Awayland truthfully given him grey hairs, as previous interviews have stated? A doff of the beanie hat, accompanied by a sheepish grin, does indeed show a sprinkling of grey amidst the jet black. “Yes it was quite stressful,” O’Brien replies. “I didn’t know when to stop.

I had a period of a few months where I couldn’t go out, because I knew I needed to reach a certain level. Overall that was six weeks of recording, we only took one day off in six weeks and we worked about 12 hours a day for about six weeks. Even when we finished the album we sent it to the label, they had printed it, started sending it out to journalists to review and I decided that we needed to put another piece of music onto the album. So we went back into the studio to record an ending to the album and then I emailed the label saying ‘Can you take back all those CDs?’ and they were like, ‘No, they’ve already started reviewing them!’ So even when it was finished, printed and being reviewed we were still adding more stuff to it.”

Indeed such a fine line was drawn between the two albums, you can’t help but wonder if it was linked with a sharp emotional feeling of change.

For O’Brien this was the predominant influence upon this album: “That’s the feeling that we had when we were writing it; we were trying all these different sounds and all these things that we would have sort of closed ourselves off from before. This time we decided to embrace them, because we were also thinking we should make the biggest kind of orchestrated, exciting statement that we could possibly make, while we still can, while we are still arsed, you know? Because maybe when we’re in our thirties we might be too tired and bored.” The defining sense of transience, the need for fun and the urge for freedom, seem to be the overriding concepts in this album and indeed, however speculatively, in O’Brien’s life as well.

The intention for Awayland was for it to be entirely synth-driven, yet the correlation of electro beats with the familial acoustic murmurings occurred and predominate the sound of the album.

“The album did start out as a lot more like the song ‘The Waves’ and it was just because I was learning how to programme beats and use synthesisers and hook them up with samplers and stuff. The whole process of the album was a steep learning curve. I think once I stood back and listened to all of the songs I kind of realised how amateur half of electronic stuff was, you know, because it was my first time doing it. I got rid of the most amateur stuff and just kept the stuff which really helped the songs, but in the process of doing all that a lot of the songs were written, which was really strange because they were written from a beat that I had made in a sampler, but once I got rid of the beat at

the end there was a nice skeleton of a song there.

Then we just put acoustic instruments over it, like pianos, so it was a strange sort of back and forth kind of process.”

In terms of performance, O’Brien prefers the band’s current setlist and the increase in connection between audience and musician now more than ever before. “I’m happier with the band and stuff because the shows are much more fun now, because a lot of the stuff on Jackal, when we played it, it got a little bit serious and a little bit close. I always found that when we did small little intimate shows people were affected by it emotionally, and then we would do bigger shows people would leave a little bit depressed. I thought of the idea that music should be uplifting, I had that thing of I think I had lived a little bit more, so I didn’t want to wallow in those kind of sad feelings and use the music to cry any longer. It’s almost easier to write sad songs than it is to write uplifting songs, and I wanted to challenge myself so there is still a little bit of melancholy but it’s more about like let’s dance ourselves through this. We are all in this together, let’s hold hands and kiss each other, it’s a big orgy, a big musical orgy!”

So where to next for Villagers? After an impromptu joke about the band wanting to take over from Westlife, including vivid depictions of piano ballads and the use of chairs during key changes, O’Brien gets serious: “I think we might explore a bit more of the electronic side of things, but I think I’m very aware of not using that as a reason to not bother writing a song, because writing a song is the hardest thing in the world. Whereas I could easily, tomorrow, make an ambient post-techno new wave [track]. So I still want to make songs but experiment as well. For me the song writing is the hours and the work and the love, the labour of love. That’s my obsession and I want to make sure that doesn’t get lost, but I also want to experiment with sounds and textures and try and open it up as much as possible, and make a new form of music.”

It’s difficult to fault O’Brien and not to get swept up and carried along by the band’s eagerness to make a difference in what is the increasingly disaffecting soundscape of music. He doesn’t take himself too seriously, yet lends his music an incredible integrity. Awayland is as personal as any album is likely to get. Its conception of freedom and its urges for happiness that are in such stark contrast to Becoming a Jackal, tell of a musician who is content with where he and his music are currently.

Whether ‘musical orgies’ actually exist or are a conception created in the depths of O’Brien’s imagination, you can’t escape the feeling that he will put in 12 hours days just in case they actually do.

Villagers play The Olympia on February 25th and their new album Awayland is out now.

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OTWO MUSIC

As Toro y Moi prepares to release his third album, Chazwick Bundick chats predicting the future, nerves and experiencing Ireland with Aoife Valentine

Toro y Moi

C

hazwick Bundick, more the album in a relatively short time, I to make flyers and little CD covers for commonly known by his wrote it in about two months. There demos and stuff, and then that turned stage name Toro y Moi, is were a couple of songs that were lay- into a really strong interest in graphic possibly the most relaxed ing around here and there, but we design. It’s something I’ve been a fan man in the world, or so actually finished it back in June, like of for a long time.” he sounds when he answers our call finished mixing it, but because of the Anything in Return has a slightly at home in Berkeley, California. This marketing side of things, it was best different feel to his previous work, is, perhaps, a huge change from two to release it in January instead of Fall. and the record has presented many years ago when Bundick released two It didn’t take me long really, it actu- opportunities for trial and experifull length albums in the space of 12 ally kind of happened really fast. Next ment, though he is adamant that months, toured them both, and barely thing I knew it was done and I was this is something he has welcomed stopped to breathe. like, ‘Oh I guess that’s it, let’s go for throughout the process. “No, not dif“That was a very hectic year for a drink’.” ficult, I wouldn’t say it was difficult. sure; that was a tough one,” says Having the album completely It’s just a different feel and it is a chalBundick of the period beginning finished so quickly is no mean feat lenge, but it’s a fun challenge. I think when his debut album was released when you consider just how involved difficult has negative connotations, in January 2010. He admits however: “I “It’s a gamble all the time when it comes to writing songs; you can’t learned my lesson will be trendy or what people will like” when I did that. I’m not going to try to do that again, especially when I know how Bundick is in every aspect of the cre- so I’d say it was challenging but fun much I’m going to be touring.” ative process, right down to the de- at the same time, you know? I think He sounds convincing when ex- sign of his album art. “I always feel that pop music like that, it can sound plaining the toll such a hectic sched- that I should try to be a part of every pretty straightforward but the chalule takes, however we quickly learn single step. I want to make sure it’s lenging part is to make it not munthat the two year gap since the release a true representation of who I am. dane, not boring, even though it’s so of his second album, Underneath the Everything from the web to the al- straightforward.”

Pine, was not the result of a well- bum art to the merchandising, I had That challenge is something that earned and deserved time out from a hand in. It’s fun too, I get to have has caused some nerves for Bundick the business, but in fact, a marketing my graphic design side come out and as the release approaches, however strategy. In truth, Bundick cannot I get to do something new.” he remains positive that it will be separate himself from his work and Though he pulls all the strings in received well by fans. “This album is his music for such extended periods, the process, the album art holds spe- definitely more accessible and not as and was back writing very soon after cial resonance for him, as he studied challenging and that’s the most obvithe release.

Graphic Design in the University of ous thing but I think if you’re a music This has all culminated in his lat- South Carolina and for a large por- fan and you try to critique the album, est record, Anything in Return, due tion of his life, his design and his mu- it’s not as straightforward as it comes for release later this month. Was the sic have been intertwined. “Because off to be. There’s some obscure refdelay caused by a meticulous and of music, I got involved in graphic erences and there’s still some interdrawn-out writing process? Not at design. Playing in bands and stuff, I esting things going on so I think it’s all, according to Bundick. “I wrote was always the one who volunteered going to be a fun one… It’s a gamble

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all the time when it comes to writing songs; you can’t tell what will be trendy or what people will like.”

Though predicting the future and what fans will enjoy is a talent he can only wish he possessed, making “timeless music” is Bundick’s main goal when writing and recording.

“The most important thing is to make songs that are timeless, regardless of the arrangement of the instruments and the production and stuff. I think if the song is strong, that’s the best thing. There are songs from the ‘70s and ‘80s that stand out a lot, production wise, and they’re still being played today and those tell what songs are kind of the ground-breakers, you know?

While he may be aiming for ground-breaking, his own success is a source of bafflement to him, as he expresses his own disbelief that he’s gone from growing up in South Carolina to chatting to Otwo, a magazine on the other side of the globe. “That hasn’t really sunk in, it kind of still seems like a dream job.

It’s amazing. I’m really excited to play Dublin, I’ve never really been there,” says Bundick, before clarifying that he swung by Electric Picnic last year.

His one remaining impression of Ireland? “It was cool, but it was really muddy.”

Chazwick Bundick as Toro y Moi releases his new album, Anything in Return, on January 22nd.

MUSIC OTWO

E

gyptian Hip Hop. Upon hearing these three words in unison you’d be forgiven in thinking Kanye West had moved from Stateside to Cairo to branch into a new music genre. In fact, this title is held by the young, psychedelic Manchester quartet that are currently propelling themselves back onto our musical radars.

Like such alternative bands before them, Egyptian Hip Hop were the upcoming darlings of the NME circa 2010. Standing on that very fickle pedestal of musical hype created by the publication, much excitement and indeed affection circled the boyish band at the time. Although they delivered, with big hair and bigger tunes, the attention span of NME soon flickered away.

Is it a case of unrequited love for the band now? “I’m not sure if the affection was ever coming from our side.” Hewett explains. “They’ve definitely loosened their affectionate grip on us, we were trying to predict whether they’d drop us or love us even more once we’d done our record but they’ve kind of fallen right in the middle. We just aren’t as young and easy going as we were I suppose. It doesn’t bother us though.”

With a musical spectrum running from The Smiths to the next big thing, Everything Everything, Manchester seems to be a melting pot for magnetic, fresh and, most notably, youthful bands, containing the influences and ingredients to create something musically worth noting. With more bands sprouting from this North Western English city than anywhere else in the country, the comparison to be made between past and present groups is a difficult thing to escape. “I think in the earlier days it got quite frustrating because we never saw ourselves in particularly any debt towards the history of Manchester, we felt Britain and the world as a whole was much more important. I’m not sure if we ever went as far to say we weren’t from here but at least these days it doesn’t seem to come up as much.”

At the tender age of 17, while most of us were worrying about the pimples on our chin rather then upcoming gigs, the precocious nature of the band was unusual even to themselves: “To be honest we’re quite the anomaly. We found most of the time in the music scene that we were always the youngest, in fact most musicians don’t seem to be blowing up until roughly their mid twenties or even their late twenties. So to any younger aspiring musicians I don’t think you should feel bad if you see really young guys doing well; they’re just lucky, like us.”

However, two years have passed since Egyptian Hip Hop’s infectious scratchy guitar riffs caught our attention, and while others such as The Vaccines exploded onto the musical landscape, the release of their 2012 album Good Don’t Sleep finally marks the band’s belated appearance.

As they slide back into the groove

Egyptian Hip Hop After a two year hiatus, Rebekah Rennick chats to Egyptian Hip Hop’s Alex Hewett about losing NME’s affection and fighting the mainstream remaining from their initial debut, their journey hasn’t been without its bumps.

With the drop from record label EHH, the influence of such a blow can sometimes be etched in the resulting sound. Hewett however, disagrees. “Funnily enough I don’t think any outside trials or tribulations had any influence on what the album ended up sounding like, we were pretty focused on how it was going to turn out from very early on.”

But under the wing of independent label R&S, responsible for producing James Blake’s powerhouse of Harmonimix, they have not only stepped slightly away from their characteristic poppy sound, and delved into more swampy territory with smoother rhythms and pattering beats, but produced an album to match. “We were trying to make a more substantial piece of work rather than ten songs people will definitely want to buy together-or-not.”

Yet in a world dominated by Nicki Minaj and that derriér, Justin Biber, and his Beliebers and Taylor Swift with those ‘love’ songs, it’s becoming more and more difficult to open the mainstream listener’s ears to genuine, inspiring music. If it’s not dished up clear and simple, and doesn’t hold the capacity to be remixed by Avicii and the like, it just doesn’t fit quite right and is dismissed just as quick.

One wonders could the psychedelia of Egyptian Hip Hop hold it’s own in such an environment?

“I feel like more people should be slipping the subconscious influence of more alternative art into the mainstream. That’s sort of how we see our music I suppose; if we can lure someone into enjoying a slightly Tangerine Dream-esque pop song than it probably wont be long until they’re enjoying Tangerine Dream themselves.

There are definitely moments like that on the record. I don’t know if it’s entirely to open peoples minds to new

things because I think a huge part of it is just wanting to pay homage to some of our favorite music, but those I mentioned before are just fortunate side effects.”

And as the line between genres blur, finding a niche in the music world similarly holds its own difficulties. “I don’t think there is going to be a lack of niches to hide in anytime soon, music is always evolving and so comes the new equivalent of dubstep etcetera.”

With an edgier, more mature sound, Egyptian Hip Hop are already embracing 2013 wholeheartedly. The boys are set to stick around for a little while longer. And with an offer to “grab a beer when we get to Ireland, yeah?” closing the interview, you can’t help but be very happy about that.

Egyptian Hip Hop play The Grand Social Thursday 28th February. Tickets are priced €16.00.

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OTWO MUSIC

The Joy Formidable Ritzy Bryan from The Joy Formidable speaks on anatomical theories, break ups and defecating poultry with Stephen Bance

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n the cusp of a European tour that coincides with the release of their new album, Wolf’s Law, The Joy Formidable are currently on the east coast of America, where a string of promotional radio and television appearances are keeping them busy. Lead singer, Ritzy Bryan, chats freely from a hotel room in Boston, clearly without supervision as she jumps from irrelevant topic to irrelevant topic, before finally settling in for a deep discussion on the wintervomiting bug.

Once the tales of illness are exhausted, we begin considering the band’s Welsh roots. Bryan describes her homeland with warmth, as she says: “It’s always great to go home and play. There’s a sense of pride there because there’s not been a huge amount of bands from where we come from.

It’s nice to put North Wales on the musical map. We’re proud of where we come from because it’s formed us as people.”

Though Bryan has been the sole vocalist on nearly every song to date, and is a dominating presence on stage, she insists that the band dynamic is more democratic than appearances may let on. She chuckles: “Well, I always say, the trick is making them feel like it’s a democracy. No, we’re very much a unit really. We all have different roles and yeah, sometimes, absolutely, you need to have some sort of leader, otherwise you’re just going around in fucking circles. But we’re all capable of taking on different roles in different moments. That’s the beauty of it, what keeps it fresh. I can’t imagine

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being in a band where there’s one focal point and everything else is quite grey. It’s all about the push and pull of our personalities. It’s a bit fucking weird sometimes, I kid you not. We are a strange bunch all put together, but it keeps things exciting, which is ultimately the point of it all.”

Is name The Joy Formidable a reflection of the band member’s personalities or the music they wanted to create, then? “There’s definitely something about that fusion of words.

The light and the darkness, that there’s something hopeful but something that’s kind of ominous as well.

It felt like that needed to be the band

Muse last year. “We’re always excited about the challenge of playing to a new audience, but at the same time we were also doing some smaller shows which we hadn’t done for ages. We did a really intimate gig back home in North Wales which was so special. The venue was a little barn in the middle of the Welsh countryside.

We literally did a sound-check to two ducks and three chickens. Everyone was trying to figure out if they liked it.

I was pretty worried because we have moments of being pretty fucking loud.

I was thinking, can you deafen a duck, does that happen? Our crew weren’t very happy because they literally just

“They didn’t go deaf, they shit themselves!” name. It’s something that ran right the way through all the material.”

They’ve been lumped into genres such as indie, pop, noise-pop and alternative rock, however none of these accurately describe their unique sound. The blend of fast paced riffs, infectious choruses and Bryan’s distinctive timbre proved commercially popular, as their fan base swelled from Welsh, to British to European.

The commercial success achieved since the release of their EP, A Balloon Called Moaning, and first album, The Big Roar, has in no way gone to their heads however, and it’s clear that to the band, the pursuit of happiness is of the utmost importance.

The humour and humility exuded

by Ritzy is typified in her response to being quizzed about touring with

started shitting everywhere. They didn’t go deaf, they shit themselves!”

Wolf ’s Law is named after the theory of 19th century German anatomist Julius Wolff. The law states that bone in a person or animal will adapt to the loads under which it is placed, becoming stronger as the load increases. Not the most obvious place from which to pluck an album title, yet Bryan explains the logic behind the choice: “There was a real sense of significance when we came across the term. It’s a scientific term that’s concerned with strengthening. That sense of strength is something that pervades the album.”

The album’s core message gains relevance as Bryan explains the status of the in-band romance between herself and bassist Rhydian Dafydd:

“The music always came first and we are so close in terms of the bond, we’ve known each other since being children. We’re actually not a couple any more. We decided to split at the end of last year. We haven’t told many people but we don’t mind talking about it. There’s an absolute love and friendship there that will never ever change. But I won’t lie it’s difficult to maintain a romantic relationship and I’m sad that we haven’t been able to do it because we’ve spent such a massive amount of time with each other. But creatively we feel in the best place. I actually feel like it’s a really confusing time because on a personal level I feel quite sad, but I’m also energised by what’s about to come. I do think it’s going to be strange singing some of those songs, with the connection we have to them; the lyrics definitely take on a whole new significance.”

Despite the romantic chaos within the band, and a palpable melancholy on Bryan’s part, it is clear that the future is sunny for The Joy Formidable, or at least attempting to be. This is something that Bryan herself is well aware of: “The European tour starts in about a week, we’re really excited, all the new songs sound great live.

We’re kind of itching to get back and get round everywhere. It feels like it’s time for a new chapter in our lives.”

No one can argue with that, and with a laugh and what sounds like a smile Bryan returns back into the media wildfire once again.

The Joy Formidable play the Academy, Dublin on January 26th.

MUSIC OTWO

Isaac Tichauer

S

As house music becomes more and more popular, Anna Burzlaff chats to DJ and producer Isaac Tichauer about the genre’s credibility and a certain Frenchman

weaty faces, churning jaws and monotonous beats; this is all that house music ever was and ever will be, or so the misconception goes. The ‘90s witnessed the growth of a subculture that was all about parent’s scorning their disobedient teenage children for taking too much E and raving till the early hours of the morning. While the noughties saw a marked decline in the popularity of house and techno, as it became an anachronistic label which formed connections with luminous sweatbands and whistle blowing of the literal kind.

It would be easy to generalise house in such glib terms, however already in the ‘90s there was something much more exciting and much more complex taking place within the genre. Names such as Kerri Chandler and Theo Parrish were undergoing experiments with sound that would go on to have a huge effect on a generation of club goers and electro enthusiasts.

Today the electronic genre more broadly is one which has permeated deeply into modern culture; David Guetta dominates the charts and Saturday nights in Dublin see techno and house heavyweights draw a plethora of party-hungry twentysomethings. Yet this isn’t solely the vice of hedonistic and reckless youths; within the monotonous beating of footsteps there’s an intelligent breed of house showing the same dynamism the likes of Chandler and Parrish showed two decades ago.

Australian Isaac Tichauer is part of this breed.

His debut album, Devotion, released this summer, combines soulful vocals with deep basslines resulting in an album that is not just inherently danceable but also impressively intricate. When it comes to the musical credibility of his genre, Tichauer is adamant in his defence: “It’s repetitive as hell.

But it’s the trained ear that appreciates the subtle differences between each bar of music and the

subtleties of solid progression. That’s why there is such a strong drug culture in dance music, as drugs expose these details to the untrained ear.”

Assumptions about the virtues of drugs aside, Tichauer’s album certainly rewards those who take the time to listen. “I think there is a far bigger message across multiple tracks than one single track.

You get the full story. It’s unfortunately rare that people these days will take an hour out of their day to listen to an album, which is the real problem.

People need to be patient with music and hear it out properly.” Patience is indeed a virtue when it comes to house. Those who stick the repetition long enough will be rewarded with something rather exciting.

This is after all an area of music that is growing. More broadly the work of Guetta has launched electronic music further into the mainstream than anyone before him. It is Guetta’s commercialisation that has made him the snub of the underground electro world’s jokes. Tichauer is less derisory: “I think DJs that turn their nose up to Guetta are generally jealous of his success. It’s easy to say he makes crap music, but he makes good music in his genre, it’s just a question of whether you like his type of music or not. I don’t personally, but that’s a matter of taste, not a matter of quality. I’m frankly tired of people whinging about the success of others. It’s pretty immature. Most accounts say he’s a lovely guy, and he’s brought house music to the masses. This is a godsend to people making mature and underground styles of house music as the task is easier for us. We no longer have to convert people to house music, but simply to educate house lovers that a better quality of house music exists, and to transition them across.”

So Tichauer even refers to Guetta as “a lovely guy,”. If any more needed to be said to prove the Australian was breath of fresh air, this may have

been it. However, as Tichauer stresses, he’s no big proponent of Guetta’s musical style. He draws a clear distinction between the Frenchman and himself: “The reason why people like Guetta are able to covert people to dance music is their music is less repetitive then underground styles, and is way more obvious by using all the big guns of dance music: big cheesy vocal hooks, harsh snyths, big wooshes and massive explosive drops etc. Underground house producers choose to use softer weapons. They hunt with their bare hands, not a bazooka. This is the art of beautiful house music.”

And it is beautiful house music that finds its way onto Tichauer’s album. The single, ‘Doing What I Got to Do’, contains just the right amount of melody, vocals, and beat to the make the perfect house track. When it comes to inspiration it’s not the big names but rather the personal experiences that seem to have informed the DJ the most: “I don’t really know which producers have had a major impact on my sound. However, I do know that DJ performances have. I’ve learned more about house music on the dancefloor then I have anywhere, and have rarely known any of the tracks played or who wrote them. It’s just the feeling I’ve felt when leaving the club at 5am and wanting to go straight the studio. I’ve known that at some time during the night something changed in me.”

The surge in house music’s popularity seems to be steadily growing. It is moving beyond the realms of the underground as names such as Julio Bashmore and Tischauer himself find themselves mentioned on the pages of Dazed and Confused and Wonderland. As Tichauer admits “it’s now cool again to say the words ‘house music.’” This can only be a good thing. If the development in years gone by is any accurate assessment, the coming years are set to be bright for Tichauer and the genre of house.

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OTWO MUSIC

mixtape

Heathers

Soundtrack for a life of disillusionment with New York City

A rite of passage for musicians and students alike, living in New York has produced more soundtracks of disenchantment than any other city in the world.

All the more incentive for a J1 The Strokes – New York City Cops A defeated, dejected account of a failed love and failed communication, coming from already disparately-named 2001 album Is This It?. Originally set for release in September 2001, the album was postponed and re-released a month later, omitting this track from its listing by way of respect for the valiant work of the NYCPD after 9/11. It is the definitive bleak NY record.

Gil Scott-Heron – NY is Killing Me Popularised by yet another well-received Jamie XX remix, the Chicago-born blues, soul and jazz poet Gil Scott-Heron wrote the original in 1976. Featuring a clappercussion-led rhythmic composition, the song is laden with the kind of soulful refrains that electronica artists savour in sampling. The darker undertones are so solidly ingrained in its sound that they have not been lost on any of its reproductions or remixes, although a purist prefers the minimalism of the original.

Gang Starr – New York Straight Talk This track chronicles the beginnings of Guru and Gang Starr in NYC in the late ‘80s, where they gradually came to help pioneer the sounds of hard-core hip hop in the city. In its intro, Big Shug gives this description of their move “He broke out into New York, he didn’t have no dope, no nothing, just a car and some gear”. New York’s hollow corruption is embodied in New York Straight Talk’s gritty brevity.

Bob Dylan - Hard Times in New York Town A uniquely quaint capture of the big city hussle from the small-town perspective.

The rewritten folk track survives from 1961 as one of Dylan’s earliest tracks, but it never featured on any of his studio albums. This is very clearly an influence of the Moldy Peaches; the quick, melodious acoustic transitions are the presentation for the real, honest content.

Not without an abounding folkish charm.

By Emily Longworth

R.E.M. – Leaving New York Michael Stipe’s melancholic departure from NYC (his ‘second home’) chronicles his tired devotion to the world’s loneliest city. The song is widely-regarded by fans as the worst opening track on any of R.E.M.’s 15 studio albums, this is owing to either its weary, fatigued instrumentation or its omnipresent sense of loss. Both hold the same amounts of NY-themed desolation.

The Velvet Underground – I’m Waiting For My Man Lou Reed’s retold account of the meeting with his dealer on Lexington Avenue and 125th Street to purchase exactly $26 of heroin is voted one of the Velvet Underground’s greatest songs ever.

The barrelhouse piano and undulating distortion carry the trademark harmonic sound, tracing Reed from feeling ‘sick and dirty, more dead than alive’ to feeling good, ‘feeling oh so fine’.

Interpol – NYC Ten years after its release in 2003, NYC is one of the greatest allegiances to New York of this, or any decade. The film noir twin guitar and otherworldly reverberated vocals capture something deeply unique in the unrelenting account of a lifetime in spent in the hollows of New York, and of belonging to a city of anonymity.

LCD Soundsystem – New York I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down Aside from being one of the greatest compositions of all time, this song is also the only reason this article was ever written. The unfaltering vision of James Murphy has leant itself to the definitive musical tribute to New York City. The last song ever played by the band in their final show in Madison Square garden, the paradoxical electronic ballad verges on perfection.

Hello everyone!

Welcome back! We hope you all had a wonderful break from all of your hard work! We certainly did. I think myself and Louise beat our record for the most selection boxes eaten in the space of a week so we’re quite proud of ourselves.

We’re only just beginning 2013 and we have a lot going on already! We recently found out that we’ve been nominated for the Meteor Choice Music Prize which we’re very happy about! Ten Irish albums have been nominated and the winner will be announced on the 7th of March at an event in Vicar Street. We’ve been nominated alongside some seriously fantastic albums so we’re thrilled. As well as this, we also won Best Irish Act award at the Entertainment.ie awards last week which we were delighted about!

We released our second single off our album Kingdom back in December and we just finished making the music video for it last week! We worked with director Hugh O’Connor and cameraman extraordinaire Jamie Tanner, who we also worked with on our video for the previous single ‘Forget me Knots’. The second single is called ‘Lions, Tigers, Bears’ and the video will be released very, very soon! It features the amazing Cillian Scott who plays Tommy in the Irish drama Love/Hate. Watch this space!

2013 is the year of touring. We plan on releasing our album Kingdom worldwide over the coming year and to kick things off we have just signed a record deal with Sony Canada which is very exciting. We’ve been to Canada once before and adored it so we’re looking forward to returning!

As I mentioned in a previous article, we’re heading to Los Angeles at the end of February to play at the Oscar Wilde event which takes place during Oscar week. Louise and I have made a pact that we’re not allowed to leave Ireland unless we’ve watched every film nominated for an award. May take a while! We will also be playing a gig on the 22nd of February in the Hotel Café in LA which we’re very excited about.

Hope everyone is settling back into college.

It will be summer in no time!

Until next time, Ellie and Louise xx We have a signed copy of Heathers’ latest album Kingdom to give away. For more details, keep an eye on our Facebook page this week at facebook.com/ universityobserver.

20

MUSIC OTWO

album REVIEWS

Dropkick Murphys Signed and Sealed in Blood Grade: C

Everything Everything Arc Grade: C+

Indians Somewhere Else

A$AP Rocky Long.Live.A$AP

Grade: B

Grade: B-

Like the North American Guinness that surely deserves a writing credit on this album, the Massachusetts band Dropkick Murphys’ take on Irish Folk Rock could be viewed either as a diluted, harsher and ultimately inferior version of what it sets out to embody; tolerable only by amnesiac ex-patriots and Plastic Paddies at pains to assert their Celtic roots, or a completely different product that should be judged as such.

This is their first album since 2011’s rather ambitious concept album Going Out in Style, which documented the plight of an Irish immigrant in America, and is, by contrast, the group “cutting loose” and striving for “an upbeat, party vibe” according to themselves.

Musically, the group mix Irish traditional instrumentation with frantic punk pretty successfully and if you get past the tiresome fixation on drinking and fighting along with the ‘Oirish’ vocals being more Muppets Treasure Island than ‘The Rocky Road to Dublin’, there are some truly exciting moments, like ‘My Hero’ which, along with ‘Rose Tattoo’ (featuring Mumford & Sons’ Winston Marshall on banjo) is the closest thing here to matching the group’ signature tune ‘I’m Shipping Up to Boston’.

If you can’t however, and you’d be forgiven for this, you will be truly feeling the pain of the weary bartender long before group howls ‘It’s the end of the night but we ain’t goin’ home’ for the twelfth and final time at the album’s end, assuming you weathered the inexorable ‘Out on the Town’.

After their debut Man Alive was shortlisted for the Mercury Prize, Everything Everything have had a lot to live up to. Merging pop music with a multiple of genres, their sophomore effort, Arc, does not stray too far from the well-trodden path of musical fusion.

The album opens well, with the lead single ‘Cough Cough’ full to bursting with off kilter rhythms and laden with front man Jonathan Higgs’ trademark falsetto. Followed by ‘Kemosabe’ and ‘Torso of the Week’, two tracks that displays the bands propensity to create both great soft rock songs, and great electronic pop music. Alas, it’s after this fantastic display of the band’s versatility that everything begins to go downhill.

The rest of the album is, well, unfortunately rather uneventful.

Though musical dexterity is still apparent, and multiple instruments appear on every track, the problem is that there are no stand-out tracks from the majority of the rest of the album. ‘Undrowned’ could have been a moving piece of electro-emo perfection. Instead, Higgs’ falsetto wavers so badly it appears they’ve decided to duet with Dame Edna Everidge.

The band fail to reproduce any of the swagger of the opening three tracks. Only slightly redeeming themselves on ‘Radiant’, one of the last tracks on the album, by which point we’ve unfortunately already lost interest.

Somewhere Else is the debut offering from Copenhagen-based artist Søren Løkke Juul, released under the slightly catchier moniker of Indians. Juul himself is a multi-instrumentalist and Indians has been gathering popularity after performing a number of shows throughout Europe with the likes of Beirut and Savages. The album is worthy of the praise it has garnered this far, exhibiting an interesting mix of atmospheric melodies, both conventional and electronic.

The opening track ‘New’ immediately captures the listener’s attention with its almost haunting drums and Indians’ Bon Iver-esque melancholy. The tempo of the album is set from its early stages as the following tracks, ‘Bird’ and ‘Magic Kids’, continue in the same vein. This isn’t a bad thing as the tracks themselves are brilliant, but there’s only so much melancholy one can take.

Ironically for an artist who places so much emphasis on his electronic talents, the two stand-out tracks from the album, ‘Cakelakers’ and ‘I Am Haunted’, rely on simple vocal and folk-guitar melodies. Indians does play to his strengths in creating a sense of loneliness and a spacious dream-like atmosphere to his songs, yet this sound also results in a borderline repetition of sounds. Despite these flaws, Somewhere Else is a fantastic debut offering a strong vocal and melancholic totality, with a serious selection of electronic skills.

In the past few months, A$AP Rocky was a bit of a tease. His debut album, Long.Live.A$AP, had been given numerous release dates which never quite transpired. After the critical acclaim of his mixtape, LiveLoveASAP the Houston rapper’s follow-up record would have to be equally fresh and exciting.

The finally-released debut album is by no means staid, but whereas A$AP’s mix-tape seemed to suggest the beginnings of a new dynamism and attitude within hip-hop, this record shows familiar tropes and habits re-emerging. The single ‘F**kin’ Problems’ is a disappointing display of a certain type of cheap hip-hop which wouldn’t seem amiss on a Rick Ross record.

This isn’t to say that the album is void of anything in LiveLove that so excited us. Tracks such ‘LVL’ and ‘Pain’ show the intelligent, dark, and insightful lyricism that makes us believe A$AP may still be the most exciting new voice in rap; although this assertion is dwindling in conviction somewhat.

‘Wild Night’, A$AP’s highly questionable collaboration with Skrillex, is at times difficult to listen to, sounding like a distasteful Steve Aoki mashup.

Compared to the likes of Kendrick Lamar or Joey Bada$$, A$AP’s first endeavour at an album is more cringeworthy than awe-inspiring.

A$AP promised us something with Long.Live. It was a record that was supposed to continue along the strand of the exciting and insightful poetry produced in his mixtape. An audience was kept waiting under the pretence of some great and grand opening, yet, unfortunately, this debut is proving far from great or grand, it is instead simply rather ordinary.

In a Nutshell: Might be some fun while on the Jameson, but chances are you won’t be chasing it up the next day.

by Stephen Connolly

In a Nutshell: The ingredients are there, but the lack of spice and tonal quality has sadly caused the entire album to flop.

In a Nutshell: An essential addition to any hipster’s music collection, merely a nice addition to anyone else with a penchant for melancholy.

by Michael O’ Sullivan

by Aaron Flood

In a Nutshell: After huge anticipation, a fairly disappointing effort from a rapper made of much greater things.

by Anna Burzlaff

21

OTWO

What’s On: UCD Cinema

Monday

Tuesday

20:30

16:00

20:30

20:30

Argo

20:30

16:00

18:00

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Filmsoc)

18:00

Week 1: 21/01/2013 - 25/01/2013 Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

18:00

I Love You Phillip Morris (Filmsoc) 18:00

Transformers (Sci-Fi Soc) Week 2: 28/01/2013 - 01/02/2013 Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Silver Linings Playbook

20:30

16:00

16:00

20:30

20:30

Sightseers The Dark Knight (Filmsoc) Inception (Filmsoc) Serenity (Sci-Fi Soc)

18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00

Tickets to Twilight are €5 for students and €6 for non students.

Other screenings are €4.50 for students, €5.50 for non-students.

Society screenings are free for members.

Tickets for screenings are available at the student centre desk 30 minutes before the screening, 50¢ discount for Filmsoc members.

22

FASHION OTWO

Art or advertising Fashion photography isn’t always just about selling clothes. Anna Burzlaff examines the visionary side to fashion’s most prodigious photographers

HELMUT NEWTON The fashion photograph has always been a great medium through which to shock. Bare breasts, waifish androgyny, sexually suggestive posing, the list goes on. Yet while it may seem that provocation is primarily a tool of mass marketing, a type of sensationalist shock certainly exists within this field. It is as much about artistic statement as it is a nudge towards consumption.

Berlin-born Helmut Newton caused outrage with his highly sexually provocative photographs for magazines such as Vogue and Elle during his time on the fashion scene. Perhaps understandably so; second wave feminists were not pleased by images of their fellow females parading around nude, bar some leather trimmings, posing in a promiscuous style that David Lynch would have been proud of.

Yet many critics missed the point of Newton.

What the Berlin photographer did was invert notions of gender power plays. Newton’s work depicts women with sexual agency and thus sexual power. They hold the whips in a sadomasochist scene; they dress in men’s suits and smoke cigarettes; they control and admire their bodies.

In one of Newton’s most famous photos, Woman Examining Man, the female model is seen, legs open in a predatory stance, objectifying her male lover who is stripped to the waist.

In an age in which fashion images display a worryingly deep trend of woman and passive become terms irrevocably intertwined, Newton’s images are refreshingly intelligent and ultimately empowering in their depiction of female agency.

Newton’s work captures the essence of fashion; a tool of empowerment and an amour against the battle-ready call of the world.

JUERGEN TELLER While Helmut Newton provoked with a sardonically sadistic portrayal of a woman in the ‘70s, Juergen Teller has turned his lens towards the hedonistic reality of life in the fashion industry with a particularly peculiar twist. A woman playing the piano with a naked man lying across it is one of Teller’s countless depictions of oddity; what it has to say about fashion is slightly unclear but like all great fashion photographers Teller is not confined within the parameters of his profession.

His photography is not just industry driven; some of his most touching projects have been built on the basis of personal experience, for example one of his more recent collections dealing with his childhood in Germany, “Irene im Wald”.

When Teller burst onto the scene in the ‘90s, his take on fashion was arresting as he sought to strip back the glossy perspective adopted by photographers at the time. Although his photos never quite reached the sensational status of some of his contemporaries (Wolfgang Tillman’s enormous portrait of an open anus and scrotum adorning the walls of Berlin super-club Berghain/ Panorama Bar makes Teller’s work timid in contrast), Teller’s ability to infiltrate the world of fashion photography at such a high level without losing his integral aesthetic is worthy of praise.

This is after all an age of photography in which it has become difficult to ascertain whether the model you’re viewing actually looks like that, or whether the computer skills of photoshop have made her look like that. Teller doesn’t play by the rules; he doesn’t photoshop or fix his pictures, he doesn’t adhere to conventional notions of beauty in his choice of model. He belongs to a school of German and European art which seeks not just to shock, but to shock with meaning. It is, therefore, not senseless sensationalism but rather beautiful and arresting artistry which forms the basis of Teller’s portfolio of work.

MARIO TESTINO For those who find the cold sexuality of Helmut Newton somewhat perturbing, the warmth and exuberance Mario Testino captures in his work will come as a breath of fresh air. Marking himself against the heroin chic style of the ‘90s, Testino’s personal portraits have made him one of the world’s most prolific magazine photographers.

When it comes to the Peruvian’s work his message may be slightly more muted or ambiguous than that of Newton’s, yet the photography remains breathtakingly conscience in its beauty and technical prowess.

If anyone knows how to take a portrait, Testino does. It is for this reason that he has become so loved amongst fashion’s elite. Kate Moss has been on the receiving end of his lens thousands of times, while he also counts the Royal Family among his fans.

For those who doubt the mantra that a look can say a thousand words, Testino’s portraits are sure to refute any previously assumed conclusions. Testino doesn’t follow the crowd. His refusal to adhere to both the staid classical portrait work he attempted to emulate at the beginning of his career and the often sensational style of provocative photography running rampant in the ‘90s, has resulted in a brand of photograph that is quintessentially Testino. It has an edge without being cold. It draws you in without being overly voyeuristic.

Testino’s work is a historic documentation of the world of modern fashion; the models, the editors, the designers are all, in some way or another, connected to his lens. Yet it would be wrong to label Testino as solely a product of fashion. This isn’t just about selling clothes, the tenderness and closeness of his work makes it about getting to know people we’ve never even met.

23

OTWO FASHION

Street Cred

Camo jacket: €28 - Penneys (men’s) Black dress: €35 Om Diva Fur stole: €44 Om Diva Bag: €9 Penneys

H

igh tops and baseball caps; beanie hats and camouflage jackets: you’ll have a hard job finding a street style fashion blog without them. Since the advent of blogging and the meteoric rise in popularity of street style fashion, the focus has moved away from the glamorous catwalks of Paris and Milan and instead influence is coming from the ground up.

Although street style doesn’t always mean an androgynous, grungy look, this is one of its most common interpretations. Trawl through any given street style blog and this is what you’ll find.

It’s easier to add a hint of street to your own style than you’d think: throw on a beanie hat or a pair of high-top Converse and you’re halfway there. Draw influences from the “off-duty” look of models such as Cara Delevingne and Alice Dellal for the perfect combination of casual cool

with a boyish twist. Constantly photographed running to and from shows, these girls are leading the pack when it comes to combining comfort with street cred. Although this may sound like a hard look to pin down, it’s not as tough as it seems.

Take the humble camouflage jacket for example. In the past few months it has infiltrated every facet of our fashion conscience, and has proved to have more staying power than first predicted. Use as a cover up for evening over a black dress or during the day with your favourite pair of jeans. Just make sure to keep the rest of the outfit plain, the camouflage pattern should be the focus, anything else will just clash.

Hats are also a key part of look. Whether it’s a baseball cap or a beanie, it will finish off your look and there are plenty of options available on the high

Model: Becky Fitzgerald Photographer: Caoimhe Mc Donnell Stylist: Sophie Lioe 24

street such as this jewelled gem from Penneys.

You can also toughen up your look for the evening with bold jewellery in graphic shapes and metallic colours. To contrast any boyish influences to your outfit, stick with ladylike heels to finish off your look. Pastel colours and delicate shapes work well to keep everything balanced.

Wearing a baseball-style or a camouflage jacket on a night out may sound bizarre but it’s amazing how they can work to toughen up a feminine piece such as a skirt or an evening dress.

Play around with proportions to add interest to your outfit. Men’s tailoring is often more flattering, and helps to create more contrasts within the look. Many of the pieces used in this week’s shoot such as the camouflage jacket and the jumper are men’s pieces, so maybe raiding your dad’s wardrobe for some style inspiration isn’t such a bad idea.

FASHION OTWO

Some of the most interesting things in fashion are finding form not on the catwalk but on the streets. Sophie Lioe explains how to master the elusive art of street style

Shoes: €7 - Penneys Leggings: €17 - Penneys Camo jacket: €28 - Penneys Checked shirt: €11 - Penneys Tshirt: €25 - Om Diva Necklace: €29 - Om Diva Cap: €5 - Penneys

Shoes: as before Skirt: €45 - De Loup from Om Diva T-shirt: as before Jacket: €29 - Om Diva Beanie hat: €3 - Penneys

Heels: €10 - Penneys Leggings: as before Jumper: Model’s own Gold necklace: €5 - Penneys Bomber jacket: €15 - Penneys

25

OTWO

Otwo Attempts:

Playing an MMORPG This week Laura Bell hits the limits of her geekiness by attempting the worlds most popular MMORPG, World of Warcraft

I

have a confession to make. I’ve seen every episode of Stargate SG-1, the X-Files, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Twice. When browsing in Topshop, I give the Lucille Bluth side-eye to girls picking up t-shirts with the words ‘Geek’ and ‘Nerd’ emblazoned across the chest. And yes, I’ve had the occasional suggestive dream about Agent Mulder. However, until this day, I had never breached the final frontier: the World of Warcraft. The world’s most popular MMORPG, now mine to conquer (on a trial basis).

First, I am presented with an introductory video that features a hyper masculine orc fighting to a dramatic orchestral soundtrack. I accidentallyon-purpose skip through this because it reminds me of my step-dad when I accidentally Sky+ a Jennifer Aniston movie over Match of the Day. Up next is character selection. I’ve been experiencing a bit of PMS lately so I decide to forgo the Alliance and join forces with the nefarious Horde. The voiceover mentions something about a gateway of unspeakable evil, and that resonates with me so I figure I’ve made the right choice. Choosing to be a Blood Elf, based solely on character attractiveness, I also select the class of ‘Rogue’, essentially because it seems to mean that I get to wear a cute leather bodysuit. I vaguely wish that my weapon was bigger, but I move swiftly on to actual game play before I let the lack of pastel outfits get me down.

Now that the fun part is over, I attempt to make my way in this new world as best I can. That is, I spend approximately six minutes jogging around aimlessly while whining, “How do I kill things?

Why won’t people talk to me?”

After a moderate amount of feverish clicking, I assert my presence by clumsily slaying some large floating fish and a tiger type creature before giving up on my HP and setting my sights on what’s really important: popularity. I’ve been sufficiently immersed in internet culture in my short life to

have picked up on two imperatives: first, that the only hope of success for a mediocre gamer lies in guild membership; and second, that I must avoid the trope of the “n00b” and not make an arse out of Eriannis the blood elf, my avatar, my self. The latter goal is, quite obviously, doomed from the start.

I spend a lot of time trying to chat with Talith the Mage, and end our one sided conversation with an indignant, “Fine! Be that way!” before coming to the realisation that he is a non-player character, and I’ve been trying to bond with a complex algorithm somewhere. I finally find a real man in this fantasy world, and the second I try to start a dialogue with him, he sets his status to ‘Away’ and sits down on the forest floor. All boys are the same.

Ultimately, I decide to explore on my own because I’m an independent blood elf who don’t need no kinsmen, and set off towards some kind of wasteland populated with cannibals. A woman in a navel-bearing outfit offers me a quest, but I don’t like her attitude (and have no idea how to accept) so I bid her farewell and accidentally fly away on a large dragonfly.

Upon arrival at my supposed destination, I attempt to leave but am killed twice by ligers.

Rolling with the punches, I resurrect my own spirit and relocate to the road, which is littered with the bodies of those with less fortune and bandwidth than I. Walking through one, a dialogue box informs me that it is a ‘Level 2’ corpse. I can sympathise because that’s what I feel like when I wake up in the morning. A self-proclaimed ‘Level 6’ corpse later pops up and I surmise it must be on

its way to a 9am lecture after a night on the lash.

After about 20 more minutes of aimless wandering and random instances of character death, I am informed that I have been inexplicably promoted to level two despite not actively doing anything, nor making any real attempts to engage with the world of the game. The same attitude got me through secondary school so I decide to let it slide and carry on. My ego, slightly inflated by my promotion, draws me into battle with a tree that is blatantly in possession of superior powers.

Nevertheless, I ignore my avatar’s insistence that she is too weak to win and hurl Lord of the Rings inspired slurs at my new arch nemesis and/ or laptop screen. I’m starting to understand the inevitability of death and also seriously considering the possibility of quantum immortality, but for the most part it’s five in the morning and I’ve had three Diet Cokes.

I experience a moment of disillusionment with the game upon realising that I haven’t felt this lost and confused since *NSYNC went on indefinite hiatus, and log out. I return to my computer a few moments later feeling like a failure, and ashamed that I’ve given up. Reminded of a poster that hung in my Leaving Certificate maths class, sneering the phrase “You’re not finished when you lose, you’re finished when you quit!” at me as I sobbed over exponential functions, I hastily google “how to play World of Warcraft”, skim the article and restart the application with a renewed sense of ambition and purpose. Unfortunately, the game freezes upon launch and I realise I’m finished, so I quit.

“World of Bore-craft” - Laura Bell 26

OTWO

FATAL FOURWAY least anticipated films of 2013

A Good Day to Die Hard

Movie 43

Scary Movie 5

emer Sugrue

aoife Valentine

anna Burzlaff

While there are many movies to be excited about in 2013; Star Trek, At Worlds End, The Hobbit, rewatching Star Trek, there are also a lot of films due out this year that cause me pain to hear about. While it’s easy to ignore guaranteed shiteathons like Scary Movie 5, Fast and Furious 17 and Smurfs 2: The Cashening, the movie that I am anticipating least of all is the latest instalment of Die Hard, because however bad I know it will be, I also know I will be compelled to see it.

Although I was a latecomer to the Die Hard franchise, I have embraced it with open arms. The first three Die Hard’s are a festival of excellent plot twists, fast paced action and clever dialogue. Then the fourth film came along. Bruce Willis, being pretty old for an action hero at this point, drafted in a youthful hacker side kick who, while not actually being Shia Le Beouf, is basically Shia Le Beouf.

Instead of icy cool terrorists, the bad guys hack some traffic lights so that everyone is late for work. Meanwhile Willis drives a car into a helicopter so the audience doesn’t die of boredom.

The new film is equally unpromising. Willis must go to Russia to save his estranged/never previously mentioned son and given his track record, probably restart the Cold War in the process. Even with the brilliance of Bruce, there is little chance of a plot that makes sense.

Considering the general downward trajectory of these films and the dramatic upward trajectory of Willis’ age, I am not looking forward to this arriving in cinemas. I’ll get the popcorn.

This year isn’t going to be a good year for the cinema and me. Every second release is a sequel to a film I never liked in the first place, or they’re adding some extra 3D to a film I didn’t like in the first place, just because they can. However, I would rather see all of these films twice than have to endure my least anticipated film of the year: Movie 43.

It looks so terrible in fact, that it may be my least anticipated film of all time, as well as being the sign of the end of civilisation as we know it. Aiming to be as outrageous and generally unnecessarily vulgar as possible, it claims it will remove all boundaries and have you in hospital for injuries sustained while laughing too hard.

They’re lying. The trailer is full of awful. Chock full of unrelenting awfulness. It seems like something even American Pie or Scary Movie would have rejected, mixed with some sort of piss-take on the Love Actually ensemble cast style film.

There’s 12 storylines, each of them directed by a different person and quite possibly written by different writers, and mostly likely each with an extra dose of awful, just in case you weren’t put off just yet.

There’s more characters than live in the whole of Ireland, and each of them is played by an even bigger high profile star, with the list including Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Emma Stone, Uma Thurman, Stephen Merchant, Richard Gere and Kate Bosworth, among many, many others. The only explanation for their involvement is that The Farrelly Brothers know all of Hollywood’s secrets and have blackmailed them into being in the worst film ever made.

Watch the trailer. It’s worse than words can truly express.

There’s nothing like a sequel to tarnish the credibility of a once respected film. When that film wasn’t particularly good to begin with, and rather than a sequel you have the fifth instalment, you know not to place your expectations too high.

Scary Movie the original may contain some moments in which you’ll find yourself slightly amused, you might even let out a mild chuckle here and there. Yet whatever semblance of acceptability that original movie held has declined successively with each follow up. Therefore by Scary Movie 5 the spoof franchise has reached a level of painful awfulness few movies can rival. There is not one single aspect of this film that seems in any way redeeming.

Some films can argue that by very way of their horribleness, they become amusing; the saying of “it’s so bad, it’s good.” Yet the collection of Scary Movie films 2-4 seems to have gone beyond this, and I’m sure number five will follow suit.

What maybe could have passed for amusing slapstick has by this stage just become vile toilet humour that’s inherently unfunny. Unlike Die Hard or Star Wars, Scary Movie 5 really has no basis of credulity to fall back on; it’s the same joke they’ve been doing for years except more disgusting and more idiotic.

Certain movies can inspire you and lead to believe that humanity has some sense of worth, this movie is sure to quash any of those notions and leave you feeling hollow, questioning how man can create something so intrinsically valueless.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones Conor Luke Barry

It’s finally here, the film extravaganza that literally nobody has been waiting for, the re-release of the worst film from a subpar trilogy. Not only that, but you have the pleasure of watching this cinematic monstrosity in your favourite number of dimensions (namely three), a format that has been scientifically proven to make your eyes bleed and your brain cry.

Bringing old films kicking and screaming to back to our cinema screens has become increasingly common these days, with Hollywood desperately trying to reaffirm that 3D is in any way an improvement on your cinema-going experience. But at least some of the other 3D releases have the self-respect to be somewhat decent films. For example, the upcoming Jurassic Park 3D has the benefit of being Jurassic Park, but Attack of the Clones doesn’t even have the decency to be a good Star Wars film.

Remember that bit in Clones where Anakin Skywalker confesses his love to Padme, which shows his weakness in the force and hints at the beginning of his switch to the dark side? Nobody remembers that, but thankfully you’ll get a refresher of this scene in more dimensions than was originally intended, presumably helping to emphasise the emotions that nobody felt the first time.

While films like Die Hard and Scary Movie 5 are definitely going to be awful, at least the studios bothered to actually go and make a new film.

Clones just lazily wanders from Xtravision to the cinema and plonks itself on the screen, throwing 3D glasses at everyone’s faces and charging them money for the privilege. Hurray for Hollywood.

27

PARTNERS

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